Kristopher Scott Grandi

Big Brother, every year that passes just seems more and more impossible. How is it that there will be a point in my life that I will have missed you longer than I had you. 8 years is too long for a heart to bear this kind of pain. But it's there. I guess it's a good thing to know that I had someone so special in my life that my heart and soul will never forget. I miss your voice and your annoying outbursts. I miss the comfort of you just always being there. Always being my other half. We were always kristopher and kristyn...being one half of that is a painful cross to carry. But for the little bit of time I had with you, I will treasure it. I see so much of you in Evelyn every day. And soon you will be an uncle again... times 2. I bet Mattys Enzo and Cecelia will carry your spirit with them too. I miss you big brother. You are always with me. I love you.

How has it been 6 years?? I'm starting to forget the memories. I can't remember when we last spoke or what we talked about. Some days I can hardly picture your face. That scares the hell out of me. I'm afraid to forget but I'm also afraid to remember. Remembering comes with so much pain still. The pain big brother, it's a pain that never goes away. And days like today it's all I feel. People don't get it anymore. And I don't want them to. This pain is mine to bear now and I'm greatful I'm strong enough. I miss you though. I miss you so much that days like today I can't focus on anything except missing you. I am waiting for the day that Robinson's has to clear their online obituaries and then I don't have anywhere to write to you. It'll come someday I'm sure. But for now this is all I have. I neber imagined my life without you. I still neber know how to answer the question "how many brother and sisters do you have?". You'd be surprised at how often I'm asked that. You know, e verytime I come on here I keep hoping that maybe someone else has written, then I might feel less crazy. But I guess I am crazy. So today I had to go through the day. Just like it was another day. I had to put that smile on, pretend to care about other people's problems when really I just wanted to crawl in a hole and cry. When does the crying stop? Although I guess the crying means I remember. I just wish I didn't have to only remember. I miss you Big Brother. More than anyone should ever have to miss another human. I love you and I wont ever forget you, even if it means my heart is forever broken.

Happy Siblings Day big Brother!
I guess you've already met Papa up there. Some time I think there's more of you there than are left here. It's getting to be a pretty lonely place down here. Still, I miss you like crazy. Every time someone dies it brings me back to you. I'm afraid I don't know how to grieve for anyone else. My heart is so full of missing you that when I get the news again all I feel is your loss. Lately though I've been pretty okay. But I need your help. Matty is struggling and I'm sure he could use some help to get a little peace. I don't know how to help him. As you know I did not deal with things well at all and it breaks my heart to think of him hurting. If you could send him a little sign, something to make him smile. Let him know you're still watching out for him. He's pretty angry at you still as am I. But for me, ove earned how to handle it. But this I can't protect him from. I know he needs to go through it, but please don't let him go through it alone.
I'm wishing we could celebrate siblings day together
But you're gone and me and Matty are so far apart. I miss you both. It's just not fair. Some days I get on my knees and beg God to let you come home. Me and Brandon are engaged but our day of happiness wil have an air of saddness. But dont worry you will have a seat. I love you big brother and please keep watching our for us down here.

5 years. How has it been 5 years?? There are some times it feel like a million years have passed and then times like today when i wake up and cant breathe as if im living it right now.
I dont know how im going to make it through today. I want to stay in bed and cry. But Evelyn needs me and as hard as it is to pull myself together i have no choice. I wish she was old enough to understand some of the stories. Better yet, i wish i never had to tell her just stories. You should be here letting her live them with you. I know youre probablyl busy today and mom and dad and matt probaby need your signs more, but i sure could use one. I love you big brother. I miss you so much!

Kristopher,
So, we moved. To missouri. And im pretty miserable here. I sure could use some big brother advice. I miss everyone so much. I didnt think it would be so hard to leave. And the leaving wasnt hard, but the staying gone is hard. It broke my heart to leave mom and dad. But mattys not there any more and it hurts too much to not have my brothers. Evelyn is getting so big and sometimes, she makes these faces and all i see is you. I wish that you got to meet her. Shes perfect and i know she would adore you. I miss you so much big brother. I love you!