Mary D. Stanley

Modest Helpmate

Mary Stanley was not the kind to go on and on about herself. Even her closest friend, Bunny Johnson, did not know until after her death that Mrs. Stanley was a vice president at Marsh & McLennan. Nor did Mrs. Johnson know what had brought her from the Midwest to New York as a teenager, with just a high school diploma, or why she was out of touch with most of her family.

But Mrs. Johnson, who grew up in Bedford Stuyvesant with Mrs. Stanley's husband, Paul, did not care. It was enough for her that "every important occasion, there was Mary." When the Johnsons' landmark home was gutted by fire, for example, Mrs. Stanley was at her friend's side, on nights and weekends for nearly a year, sifting through debris, restoring ruined woodwork and helping to replace what was lost with a steady stream of gifts.

Mrs. Stanley, 53, was equally steadfast when her husband, 14 years her senior, had a brain embolism more than two decades ago. Mrs. Johnson said that everyone "gave Paul up for dead, but he survived because of Mary." She became the family breadwinner, while Mr. Stanley was the cook. She also was in charge of technology, as she was at work. Mr. Stanley does not even know how to turn on the answering machine, Mrs. Johnson said. So these days the phone just rings and rings.