Nasya Hannah Hoegh

2024 - 2024

Nasya was my 24 hour blessing. We were together all day and night which left my body minimal energy to do the things I wanted to do. But in this season, I never felt more full of purpose. I wanted to love her fearlessly, I wanted to love her fully, I wanted to love her in a way that honored the gift she was, and by God's grace I feel I had done that. However, in my active pursuit of loving and caring for Nasya, God chose to take her. God chose to take her without my acknowledgment nor my interference. This is where I struggle. This is where I question. I want to be angry. I want to blame myself. I want to think that I could have prevented God from taking her. I want to plead my case before God and make an argument of why she should stay. I want to tell God that this world is better off with her in it, than heaven is with her. I wanted each of you reading this to be able to meet her, to look into her eyes and see what I was privileged to look at for the past 18 weeks. But as I am reminded, this journey has never been about me or my family. It has never been about what I felt would be best. This journey has always been about God, so it is up to Him to finish what he started in a way that only He can orchestrate.

Below is a message I sent out the evening of Nasya's death. The original message was sent to our church family. However, this message I want to share with everyone who was touched in some way by Nasya's life.

I wanted to share one last update or maybe just my heart. As you know, God took Nasya home in the early hours of Dec. 4, (which happens to be my birthday). Nasya had been having a rough four weeks showing more signs of her heart struggling. We were at the cardiologist last Monday and he said all was normal. We went to her pediatrician on Wednesday, and she received her four month vaccinations which the doctor said would be good before her surgery. By Friday she was running a low grade fever and sleeping most of the day; this was not abnormal after a round of vaccinations. Sunday she had developed more congestion. Monday and Tuesday I was focused on trying to keep her nose clear to help her breathing. Tuesday night she was more lethargic which I thought she was just tired because she had been up most the day. However, at bedtime she was getting limp and that was when we called 911 and from there her heart stopped. She was gone and she didn't come back. I kept thinking God was going to bring her back that this was just another chapter in her story. Maybe I should have gotten her to the hospital sooner or questioned the cardiologist last Monday? I was just talking to her yesterday morning telling her how sorry I was that I couldn't make her feel better. I told her again what a precious gift she was, that God created her for a greater purpose. He created her exactly as she is without one mistake. But I didn't know God was preparing to take her. I didn't know that my time as her earthly mother was growing short. Our family lived with the belief that God was going to heal her heart through surgery. We thought she was going to grow stronger, bigger, and watch how God used her to impact people through her life. We were not prepared that her earthly life may not be the most impactful part of her story that perhaps in her death is where His glory will shine brightest.

If you have followed my previous updates, you may remember that her life was never guaranteed. If fact it was the opposite, that we would most likely not meet her alive. But God through his word; Romans 15:13 breathed his hope and peace into my heart. It was not a peace that she would be alive and all would be okay. It was a peace that she belongs to God, He formed her and her life was all about Him. My prayer was that I would always stay in the background, that my family would be in the background and that God would receive all the glory, honor, and praise.

Now that she is gone, where does that leave us? Right now, it leaves us in so much pain. It feels like a part of our heart has been removed in the cruelest of ways. How could this tiny baby who has been with me for a year and with my family for 18 weeks cause so much pain in her absence? What is God doing through this? We don't have those answers, but we have His peace, His promise, and His assurance that this is all part of His plan.

Throughout Nasya's life the hand of Jesus was heavy upon her. He was constantly going before her paving the way for circumstances and situations to happen. It was so easy to see Him working in her life. He was her life and breath and then He took His breath out of her. I can't help but think how much Jesus is in our life, going before, behind, beside. However, in our earthly ignorance we can miss that. How often does our inward focus preclude us from seeing His outward hand? Nasya was a tangible, visual reminder that Jesus is an outward hand. He is active, moving, alive, and constantly trying to keep our eyes focused on Him. Nasya's life changed me, changed our family, in a real, tangible way. I lived 45 years then she came into my life and Jesus used her to reshape me in a way that 45 more years could not have. She taught us that we are not defined by our abilities or contributions. She taught us to be bold, brave, and always proclaim the hope that Jesus gives us. She taught us that life and death is not defined by an earthly opinion. She taught us that love has no bounds, no limits, and no expectations. She taught us that if we belong to Jesus no situation or circumstances happen by chance. She taught us that pain and loss is an unavoidable part of this earthly life. She taught us to praise the name of Jesus in every circumstance, through triumph and through loss. She taught us that when Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us even when it feels as though we have been torn to pieces.

We cannot express the humble gratitude we feel that each of you joined us in this journey. You loved us in a real way without the promise of a happy ending. This certainly does not feel like a happy ending to me, as a mother who longs to hold the sweetest gift that she was blessed to take care of. But praise be to Jesus that in our greatest sorrow, He is our greatest joy. Nasya is home with her Father. She was never mine, never our family's but always His.

Psalms 28: 6-7 Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

A celebration of life will be held 1:30 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 15, at Wellspring Baptist Fellowship in Bolivar.

In lieu of flowers memorial contributions to the family can be made to Nasya "Miracle of God" Robby and Erin Hoegh and can be made through any OakStar Bank location.