Well Bud, another year has come and gone...six years, just not possible. I can still remember every minute, all the pain, the confusion...the loss. All this time, I have been caught up in the missing, just hurting, not focusing on your joy and peace. No more, Sweetie, I will miss you with ever breath I take, but now it's time that I begin to celebrate you. And in doing so, know that you'd want me to live, not wallow.
Bryan hit me with a bucket of cold water yesterday when he said that you wouldn't want me to live like this. Not to just mourn you, but to celebrate your life. Of all people, I should know how much you disliked me being alone and keeping myself away from everyone. You were the one who would pull me out on a Friday night to dinner, or a movie just to get me out. Well, as Bryan so aptly put it, celebrating you and living my life like you'd want me to would be the best tribute to you.
So, tomorrow I celebrate you and remember all our times...that wonderful smile of yours and how it kept you out of trouble so many times. The times you'd frustrate me so much, and would say, "I love you mom, do you love me?" I'd reply, "Not right now, maybe tomorrow, just not right now." You'd laugh and give me a big hug, smile and just go on your way. Thank you Bud, for those hugs and that smile, I still see you in my mind, that is the picture I will always have of you.
I love you son, you can let me go, I'm OK now, but I will always miss that piece of my heart that is you.