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Shawn Dugan Memoriam
Shawn Dugan
7/8/1971 - 4/2/2010
Happy 39th Birthday Shawn
We love and miss you so much. May God's love be with you always. XO Forever our love to you.
The Dugan Family
Please visit and share your memories of Shawn online at legacy.com. Go to the Search section and enter Shawn Dugan in the name portion; then change Past 3 months to All Records.
To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.
Memories and Condolences
for Shawn Dugan
Sponsored by Shy and Terri Goldstein.
Shy Goldstein
August 17, 2022
Brother, it's been a while since I wrote and another summer has come and gone and our birthdays passed. It was always fun celebrating together and this year, the last of my 40s, really made me think a lot. Your star still shines so bright in this world, thank you for all you gave us. Love, Shy
Shy Goldstein
June 18, 2019
Dugan,
Yesterday I was meeting with my new accountant David Baldwin who is a guy who lives in Hickory and is branching out to Charlotte. We were going over the normal boring topics like LLC, S-Coprs, standard deductions, blah, blah when I told him that I used to have the best financial adviser who ever lived. I was shocked to find out that he knew you very well and you two had worked professionally together for years. We immediately fell into a deep discussion about how amazing you are in countless ways and how lucky we were to have known you. I knew then that I had found the right accountant to trust my family's finances with and once again feel a sense of overwhelming gratitude for the far reaching positive impact you made on this world. You've been gone 9 years and you're still bringing people together and making lives better!! It reminds me of the only time I can recall you ever taking credit for doing anything great. It was when you got the party started at my wedding by leading off 'The Train' and pulling in nearly everyone in attendance with your huge personality and amazing dance moves. You effectively got everyone up out of their seats and brought together to celebrate and enjoy the moment to the fullest with Terri and I. Afterwards when I came up to you to thank you, you just gave me that priceless warm smile and said "that's what Dugan does". I cherish what you did my friend and still continue to do even now for the people you met. I love you brother. forever. Shy
Jerry Dugan
June 17, 2019
Happy Father's Day, Sean. You'd be so proud of Patrick. He's smart, funny, a gentlemen, and has a heart of gold. Cathy is doing such a great job with him. But you already know this, because I believe you're right by his side every step of the way. You are missed, Sean. I love you, brother.
Jerry Dugan
April 3, 2019
I watched as he bit into what looked like a banana, chewing intently while staring up at MTV's Downtown Julie Brown. His big blue eyes grew even bigger, mesmerized by this new world of music videos. The 80s were looking good.
Another bite. More chewing.
What're you eating? I asked, sitting down next to him on the couch.
Butter, he said, peeling back the foil and taking another bite, those big blue eyes of his glued to the ZZ Top video now playing on TV.
So there I sat watching as he ate the entire stick of butter just like a banana.
I remember this moment as if it were yesterday. It's so vivid in my mind.
I have so many memories like this of Sean. So many simple moments. Daily happenings. Life.
We were young, oftentimes home alone, and oftentimes making bad choices that only kids of our young age could get away with. But boy did we have fun.
Today marks nine years since Sean's been gone.
Nine years of not seeing those freckles on his smiling face.
Nine years of not hearing his infectious laugh. Or feeling the warmth of his bone-crushing-but-oh-so-loving hugs.
Nine years without those big blue eyes.
The butter story is one of my favorites. And I cherish it for all it's worth. Because it reminds me of a simpler time, a more loving time. A time in our lives when watching MTV after school and eating a stick of butter ... made all the sense in the world.
I miss you, Sean.
So much.
Jerry
Shy Goldstein
January 23, 2019
Dugan,
So much has changed since you were here and I wish so badly you were here to be part of it. Life can be so unfair and thinking of the light that was removed from this earth when you left us I'm reminded of just how true that statement is. I miss you dearly brother. Shy
Debbie Cardullo-DePinhi
April 4, 2016
Still trying to put it all together in our minds...we were on our yearly shopping trip at THE MALL...particularly at JC Penney...and we got the call...I always thank God we were all together Easter shopping...we literally sat on displays after hearing the news...shopping was over for us...with broken hearts we made our way to Applebee's on the other side of the mall...we never got up from our seats for at least three ..hours...we prayed and drank to you too...now thinking back JC Penney...just take off the Penney and we had Jesus Christ's initials...he's always there for us even that day...makes you realize how we and you are never alone...
Heather Carter
April 3, 2016
Now I know why I was talking about him again yesterday! Buddy, I am so happy that you are still watching over your family & friends! God is great!!! Miss & love you. Heather (mouse) Thanks Shy
Dawn Dugan
April 2, 2016
I think about Shawn often. One simple way- is every time I leave a tip at a restaurant. I know how Shawn gave huge tips- he knew how much work went into the restaurant business. This was a great example for me and I've many times talked about this to Kate and Elliott - mentioning Shawn's views on this subject. There are other times when I use Shawn as an example- how he worked so hard!! How he loved his family!! When I think of the beach I always think of him!! Missing him !
Jerry Dugan
April 2, 2016
Another year has passed without you, little brother.
It's honestly no easier today than it was when it happened. One day we're talking on the phone, then ... nothing. You're somewhere else now. And I'm here. Living with your loss every day. We all are. And life's moving way too fast.
The twins are almost six now. They never got to meet you, but I promise you they know who you are. The good, the funny, the loving, the brilliant, the crazy ... even the silly. Like how you'd always ask where things were without really ever looking for them. Jill and I have a running joke when Morgan or Luke can't find something: I say, "Did you look everywhere?" They invariably say, "Yes." And then, once we find the item in question more often than not in the most obvious, out-in-the-open place I say, "You pulled an 'Uncle Sean' again." We all laugh. Then we talk about you for a while and I share stories of how incredibly fortunate I was to grow up with my best friend. I try to instill in them the importance of always having each other's back because they are brother and sister and their bond can never be broken. I believe that you're as real to them as anyone, Sean, and it's because of that that they often tell me they miss you. It sometimes catches me off guard as if reality is smacking me in the face with a wake-up call and all I can say to them at that moment is we all miss Uncle Sean. He was a special person.
I have to say, this is the worst kind of anniversary I can imagine. I know there a lot of us around the country still trying to wrap our heads around what happened. It's unexplainable. It's unfair. It just sucks. Honestly, I still can't believe you're gone, even now as I write these words.
But you are, and today marks another year six years.
I miss your laugh. I miss the enormity of your personality. I miss the weight of your hugs and how you'd always mess up my hair by putting your hand behind my head with a big "HELLO" or "GOODBYE" and a kiss. Always a kiss. I miss our debates about the political, the social, and the utterly nonsensical. I miss the interest you took in my life here in New York, and how we'd swap war stories of our work life and the balance we were trying to find. I miss you knowing intimately the fear that drives us both, and laughing about how it's our best asset and our worst enemy. I miss thinking my best rugby partner ever is no longer out there, ready with his kit to jump into a scrum somewhere and get bloody with a bunch of people we'd drink beers with later that day. I miss knowing you have my back no matter where, no matter what. I miss your bigger than ocean-blue eyes and the freckles on your face and your smile. Man, do I miss your smile. The list is endless, Sean. I could probably spend my entire life compiling a list of the things I miss about you and never be finished. And I'm OK with that. Because each memory, each thought, each glimpse into the life we walked through together until it was time for you to go proves that you were really here. And that keeps you close to me. Exactly where my little brother belongs. I love you so much, Sean.
Linda
July 23, 2015
I don't know why, honestly, but today, out of the blue the name "Dugan" popped into my brain. In the Internet age it was not difficult to find out this awful news. A little further, discovered the passing of the senior Mr. Dugan.
Met this wonderful family many years ago during a difficult time in my life. Their goodness and grace saved me.
I send out my prayers to the Dugan family and knowing them for the family they were, I'm confident they are able to live loving and productive lives without Shawn.
Rich (Richie) Dugan
April 2, 2015
My heart still hurts when I think of you. It's so hard to believe, even 5 years later. As you know, I recently saw your family in Charlotte. Seeing your son, Patrick, filled my heart with so much joy. Gosh, he's so handsome and so full of love, just like his Daddy. As I watched him that day, I couldn't help but notice all the hugs (your kind of hugs) that he was giving out to so many. But I must say that the icing on the cake was when he ran up to Jerry and gave him a big hug after he gave a beautiful and emotional eulogy for you Dad (and like Jerry said, his hug was the exclamation point). Later on, I was finally able to steal one of those hugs from him, which was easy of course because he got his Fathers' loving heart! When I asked him if I could get one of those hugs, he said, Sure! As a matter of fact, the priest presiding over your Dad's funeral said, "he's got the gene, obviously talking of all the hugs he was giving out (the priest got one too by the way). That's exactly what you would've been doing, giving out big ole' Uncle Jerry style Bear hugs! Patrick has your eyes and he reminds me so much of you and I guess that's because he will always have a piece of you inside of him. Your wife, Cathy, seems to be doing well and is so sweet and pleasant. She is doing a great job raising him. He's a special boy and he will make you both so proud of all he will accomplish someday! It's also clear that your brothers remain a constant in his life, which is an awesome thing. Also, your Mom was so good and so full of love too. She looks forward to seeing both you and your Dad again. Her faith is so strong and she clearly finds comfort in knowing that you two are together now.
I Miss you and I look forward to seeing you again too.
I Love you, cuz!
Jerry Dugan
April 2, 2014
Mom's entry below says it best, Sean. We miss you every day. But today is by far one of the harder days. I love you, Sean. We all love you. You are deeply missed.
April 2, 2014
We close our eyes as We wipe a tear
We just Keep wishing you were still here
We will hold all the memories deep in our heart
Though these memories will never part
We close our eyes as We wipe a tear
We just keep wishing the pain would disappear
WE didn't get the chance to say our last goodbyes
We just didn't think you could ever die.
WE close our eyes as We wipe a tear
All your love we will always hold near
In our heart and our mind we will never
Be alone when our time comes ...
We will meet you in heaven.
We love and miss you!
Your Precious Family
Your 4th Anniversary to Shawn's Departure to Heaven
January 26, 2014
Hey Shawney....missing you cuz...just had a great memory of us as kids...our family always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve, but Christmas Day was when we saw all of our cousins...and it was pretty late too!, Just when Christmas was over...you guys showed up...let the party begin....so many laughs so many times and catching up stories all on Christmas Night...I always felt that when you got there Christmas started...Missing you Shawn and the whole family...Jersey is really cold right now, perhaps that's why I had the time to talk to you. Keep on looking down on us, you make life a little easier! Love you...Debbie Cardullo-DePinho NJ
December 31, 2013
I miss you terribly Bro!
http://youtu.be/F3MqtYdTpmQ
Jerry Dugan
October 13, 2013
Hey, little brother.
It's been a while. Too long, I know.
But don't go thinking you're not on my mind. You are. Every day. Nothing about that will ever change.
I've truly been meaning to visit. Wanted to sit and look at your pictures and think about you — without the interruptions of kids and work and … whatever.
So here I am, finally.
And … here you are.
There are some new pictures. Not sure who posted them, but thanks, whoever you are. Funny how you look just as happy in the new ones as you do in some of the first we posted. Yeah, yeah … who'd post something of you not looking happy? No one, I guess. But then, I wonder how hard it would be to find a picture of you not smiling. I wonder.
You were always smiling. And laughing. Man, I miss your laugh. And your smile. I miss you.
I visited mom and dad in July. They're doing well. The pain's there. They miss you. We all do. But the hurt hangs extra heavy in their house. You're everywhere to remind them of what's missing. You're everywhere for them to miss. It's heartbreaking.
I also saw Cathy and Patrick while I visited. Jill, the twins, and I stayed with them. Patrick's so big. And so smart. You'd be so proud. And you'd be proud of Cathy. She's done so much on her own. So strong. I wish I could say I've given her all the support she and Patrick need, but I can't. It's been a rough road for all of us.
James is doing such a great job at the gravesite. He stops by once a week, if not more. Changing flowers. Writing chalk messages. Hanging wind chimes. Or he goes and sits … and reads … to you. He's so good.
I had a meeting the other day. It was a big one. Millions on the line. And, as I've done so many times these past three years, there I was in the bathroom praying to you. Asking for your energy. And your attitude. And your smile. Your essence. I was asking you to tell me what you'd do at that moment, how you'd handle the meeting, what opening line you'd start with? Sitting in a stall, looking up at the ceiling, wondering to myself if you could hear me, if you knew what I was asking. Sounds silly, I know.
I guess you heard me, though, because the meeting went well. I was passionate, alive, stole the show. Got pats on the back in the end. Also got the business. Live to fight another day, right?
I was on the train several days ago when I got to thinking about our days playing Harrison Men's Rugby. “High & Low” is what they called us. The songs. The fights. Getting stone cold blotto at Oveys? I love those memories of us. Love them.
This whole thing, you being gone, it's as painful today as it was the first day. By now I guess I realize this thing we carry, the pain of losing you, will never fade. The weight, the sadness … it's ours.
If it's going to keep you close to me, I accept every painful second of it.
I miss you, Sean.
Rich Dugan
February 15, 2013
I love and miss Shawn very much. I think about him often and pray for his son and wife everyday. I take great comfort in he fact that I will see him again someday when God brings us all home.
Manfred Ricciardelli
January 27, 2013
Hey Doogs,
Brian died today. He was diagnosed with melanoma 2 Octobers ago. He was Stage 3 by the time he was diagnosed and, despite that he fought as hard as he could, the disease was always one step ahead of him.
I'm looking at a picture of the 3 of us from our trip to Charlotte and then to Clemson to watch the Jets play the Panthers. We are standing by that van you rented. (I can see your wallet on the top of the van. So funny.) We are so young and healthy and stupid and alive. It is just crazy that you are both dead now.
I talk to you all the time. Sometimes I laugh when I think of the things we did or said. I don't know if you hear me or if there is a heaven or whatever, but it makes me happy. Now I'll talk to you and Brian.
I wish I had the faith that seems to give other people so much comfort, but I just do not. I would like to think that, somewhere, you two are having a beer, and maybe getting into a little good natured trouble.
I miss you Doogs. It just really wasn't supposed to be this way.
Fredo
James Dugan
January 8, 2013
I wonder from time to time where my brother Shawn would be if he was living today, it's Monday, maybe catching up on office paper work. It's 4 pm on a Wednesday probably heading to appointment. I wonder this and most days I can pretend that he is still keeping up his schedule. But then I think, well maybe he would have by now had a person doing that job and another working the phones and filing all the paper work. I like to play that silly game in my head. BUT tonight I do not have to guess what he would be doing. His team, and well being Irish catholic I mean HIS TEAM, is playing and well from what I understand a pretty BIG game. So with that said, I think I'll watch The Notre Dame game with my brother tonight. GO IRISH. Xo 4ever 4
December 31, 2012
Hey brother, it's new years eve and you are still gone. I didn't really expect that you were coming back but I did sorta hope that this hole in my heart would heal a little. Unfortunately it hasn't Shawn, it hurts like hell every time I think of you and it ain't getting any better. Maybe that's because of how true your love really was; it was genuine as it comes and so were you. I remember the good times and the bad we shared together so vividly and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world. I remember how on new years you would scream "Happy New Years" so loud that everyone in the room heard you, and then jump around hugging and kissing people like a cross between Tigger and a kissing bandit. I love your love; I feel your love; I miss your love. forever. yours always, Shylove
Jerry Dugan
December 31, 2012
Another year passes without you. Another year ahead without you. I deeply miss you, little brother. You are loved, cherished. You are never far from my thoughts, my days, me. Happy New Year, Sean. Here we go, into whatever's next.
December 30, 2012
http://youtu.be/bo2nJr7JHsI
Jerry Dugan
November 1, 2012
Hey, little brother.
I took the twins out trick or treating last night, after which we attended a costume party in my apartment building. Then, after filling our bellies at the pizza party, watching a magic show, and suffering through idle chitchat with neighbors (ha!), we went door-to-door throughout the building to do even more trick or treating.
It was a picturesque moment, one to remember, to covet, to hold onto tightly, with all my might, because, well, we all know how rare those moments can be.
It made me think about the times you and I shared as kids trick or treating. One year, down at the Jersey shore, dad dressed up like Jason from the movie Halloween and chased us. Not knowing it was him, we pelted him with those rocks people used to put down as front lawns instead of grass. Our ammo was endless. And our aim was insanely accurate. Each time we'd hit “the monster”, we'd hear it wince or say “ouch!”
There were other times, too. On Watchung Terrace, we'd go to the same houses repeatedly, changing from one costume to the next so the neighbors wouldn't suspect us as “repeat” customers. Funny how that rule about “never eating the candy until mom and dad inspected it" was broken every single year, huh? On Farley Ave, we had to fight to keep the kids from Plainfield from stealing our candy (thank god for Curtis Rembrandt). As we got older, we went to costume parties. We were bums, rugby nuts, and cavemen. We offered fewer treats and more tricks in those days. Wherever we were living, we had fun, a blast — you, James, Keith, me, and whoever our friends at the time were. We would seize the opportunity to revel in the Halloween cheer.
Last night, while walking down the street holding the tiny hands of Superman and The Ballerina, I was thinking about all of this. I was thinking about little Patrick and Cathy. I was thinking about that picture of you as a Tele-tubby. I was thinking about … you.
All the while, I was trying to be the good, fun, “happy Halloween” dad Morgan and Luke deserved me to be.
A lot's happened in the last 72 hours here in New York City that I'm still trying to process. ?A nanny kills two little kids. Hurricane Sandy rips apart everything I've ever loved about the Jersey Shore and downtown Manhattan — the places where I've grown up and lived and loved most of my life. Two little boys are ripped out of their mother's arms by the hurricane's unrelenting waves.
The world seems unsafe to me right now. Everything feels upside down, almost backwards, and I see no end in sight.
I know for a fact that I would've called you by now. You would've said something uplifting, something funny, something calming. I also know you would've done exactly what Jill did and tell me to suck it up and be the grownup. ??
Which is why, last night, I did something I wasn't particularly into doing: I pretended.
I pretended vampires and ghost and goblins and witches exist and love to tickle little children and make them laugh. I pretended that fake spiders were real. And plastic mummies talk. I pretended that the ugliness in the world didn't exist. I pretended because, well, it's a lot better than trying to explain to two two-year-olds that Mother Nature was really pissed off the other day and, in her rage, destroyed a whole bunch of stuff and hurt a whole bunch of people. I can't tell them that. It wouldn't be fair. And it wouldn't be what grownups do. At least not the good ones.??
Enough tricks have been played on us lately, wouldn't you agree???
Last night was a night for treats.
For my kids, it was a night of excitement and fantasy and candy and fun. And they deserved every minute of it.
For me, the treat was bittersweet. As a dad, it was magical and fantastical and wonderful and … something I hope to see for many years to come. As a brother, it was sad and painful and heavy and raw and … it was a new way of remembering you.
You were always ready to get up and go on Halloween. You were fun and exciting and loving and more likely to want the trick … after you'd secured the treat.
You were my treat last night, little brother.
With the world's crazy dial turned all the way up to eleven right now, I still find myself thinking about you all the time.
I miss you, Sean. Every day.
Boo!
Happy Halloween.
Love,
J
Darren "One of The Twinz" Fullman
July 23, 2012
Wow what a shock. I remember looking out our window into my back yerd thinking those Dugan boys at it again and wishing mom would lets us go outside and hang with them. They where the cook cats from Farley Ave. my condolences to the entire Dugan family. GOD bless...
Wendy Ard-Church
May 11, 2012
My deepest sympathy goes out to the Dugan family! I am in shock at the death of Sean! My father in law passed away a couple of weeks ago and Hankins & Whitington served his funeral. I was on here trying to find his guest book and came across Sean's. Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for the Dugan family. Those 4 Dugan boys were so close, I can't imagine the pain they are feeling. Sean was so energetic and always had a smile on his face. From the first time he met someone, he ALWAYS showed love to them, no matter what!
The last time I saw Sean was about 6 years ago. I was sitting in my car at a stoplight in Charlotte and all of a sudden this guy from behind me gets out of his car and runs to mine. He flung open my door (at this point, I was scared to death so I screamed). It was Sean Dugan and he leaned down to give me a Big hug and said, "How you doing?" (Now keep in mind that I have not seen him for about 14 years prior to this.) I started laughing and told him he was crazy for doing that and a wave would have been just fine! He said "I don't wave at my family or friends... I hug them!" I told him to get back in his car before someone shoots him (because this was on Park Rd ... in Charlotte ... during 5:00 o'clock traffic ... and car horns blasting!!) He just smiled that huge grin of his and waved at the cars blowing their horns and got back in his car and drove away. That memory will last forever with me.
The Dugan boys loved and honored their Irish heritage. And the Irish believe the only way to get through the death of a loved one is to share the memories of that person and not let sorrow erase the joy or silence the laughter! Sean's laughter was the sound of love. So keep spreading his love by remembering him and laughing!
Here is the Irish funeral blessing for the Dugan family:
"When we lose someone we love it seems that time stands still. What moves through us is a silence... a quiet sadness... A longing for one more day... one more word... one more touch... We may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget. We will see you again some day, in a heavenly place where there is no parting. A place where there are no words that mean good-bye."
My heart aches for the Dugan family! My prayers, love and support are with you always!
"The future is not ours to know, and it may never be...
So let us live and give our best and give it lavishly!"
James Dugan
April 22, 2012
Sean,
As I ran today, my mind was full of thoughts of where will we be heading for our vacations this summer? Which beach will we chose this year? So my head starts spinning the summer plans. Will it be Hilton Head again or maybe Atlantic Beach? All of a sudden BAM it hit me…. Summer of 1986. Midway rental bungalow on 14th Ave and 1st street - 6 houses from the shore or about 150 feet from the sand. Tiny one way street, no parking to be found, house sleeps 6 we fit 12, and the weekends maybe 16 some boys will sleep on the roof and love it. Of course, I find myself nowhere else in the world but Seaside Park: so as I was running, my mind is spinning…How did Mom and Dad swing paying rent in Scotch Plains, 2 cars, 4 boys – ShopRite grocery bill had to be high each week. How they did it, I don't know, but there we were at the shore. Mom, you, and I all rode down together. Dad came after work in the van with Jerry and Keith. We pull up to the house – blue and white with seagulls on it. We have arrived – no better place in the world. First thing I see inside is the basket on the table – it held my freedom. It holds the 1986 July beach badges. We unload the car, and Mom starts to clean, so we hit the road. Let the sun kiss our Irish skin – or I'll say, the first burn, then peel, then burn again. We are gonna get a tan sooner or later. This summer is gonna be great. You just got a job at the Log Flume at the Boardwalk in Seaside Heights. Some might say the Boardwalk ended at Seaside Park, but little did those suckas know the boardwalk starts at 14th Ave.
So with the badge pinned to my Jams shorts, towel around my neck, feet on fire, you and I headed to the water line on the beach. Like all good boys taught to respect the ocean, you bless yourself first, then greet the water, watch the current, and go with the undertow, body surf all day. From time to time, I would watch you tackle the frozen snickers bar guy as he would pass by. Looking up a sea of planes in the air with banners schlepping the parties for the nights or an early bird special, but we already had our plans…the Boardwalk was calling. Towel off and try not to rub the zinc oxide off your nose on the towel. Now the challenge to get back to the house without stepping on anyone's beach blanket, each one has a radio, so every step is truly a musical journey…Z100 plays on one, oldies on another, I hear Sinatra, oh Bon Jovi, is that the new song “Born in the USA” from the Boss, “Shawn, Summer of 69 by Bryan Adams is playing, I like that one”. You say you like the blue bed sheet with the Ospi Spumante umbrella playing Men at Work – “Who can it be Now?” From the water to the street, you could hear anything…the GoGos, Led Zepplin, Culture Club, the Who, Chris DeBurg (“Lady in Red” big that summer), house music to polka.
So back at the house, Mom is almost done cleaning…house smells clean and bleachy. We take turns using the outside shower. The last week renter left shampoo – I like the Aussie…smells like grapes. Time to dress…Z-Cavaricci rolled at the bottom, paten leather slip-ons and lots of gel, oh and the first layer of Drakkar, you're hitting the Quorum tonight, and start the walk to the Boardwalk. I smell 3 Brothers Pizza, Zeppoles, and Kohr's frozen custard. Let's start with vinegar fries. We have a few books of ride tickets that Mom and Dad got on Easter Sunday. I hope I win an Allisa Millino poster (wearing a Ranger Jersey). I seem to only win the Chachie from Happy Days one! What up with that?
The night is winding down, we had hit all the attractions, the smells of the Solarcain, Drakkar, cotton candy, peppers and onions, mixed with ocean air is putting me in a trance. Arm all sticky from digging in the Zeppole brown bag with confectioner sugar. Not a bad first night at the shore.
On the way home, a recap of what girl looked at who, and plans to meet up the next night at Midway Steakhouse. No need to get phone numbers. If they're not there, will meet some more girls. As we finish the last of the saltwater taffy, our gelled hair a bit mushy from the salt ocean air. No mega hold could withstand that air. We see Dad's van is in the street - still has his year round shirt on. He is asleep in a beach chair. You grab Dad's arm and say Dad come on in. Inside the house, Mom has all the fans and windows open – a good cross breeze is in play. No need to dream because we just had a full day of it. We hit the bunk beds (pillows smell like baby powder). Tomorrow will come quick at 6 a.m. – crabbing with Dad. Then bike ride with Mom, more zinc on the nose and off to the ocean, and do it all over again…
Wow, my run is over and don't remember it at all – thanks Shawn for the memory lane. I love these kinds of runs. I hope my kids get a summer like we had way back when.
I love and miss you so much to ever stop – so I won't.
4ever 4
XO the 4th
Dave Baldwin
April 3, 2012
Remembering what a great person you are! You made me want to be a better person. Still miss you, buddy.
"Never Forget"
April 2, 2012
The Boys
April 2, 2012
The Man
April 2, 2012
Debbie DePinho
March 20, 2012
March 20, 2012
Hi Shawnie,
Just taking a moment to think about the love we shared....Mostly missing the big bear hugs....Hope everythings going okay buddy. Susie and Derek are recovering from the apartment fire and Dave's Dave....Working his brains out...as for me and Megan, we are thinking about you big time.... Good Friday is coming and along with it many memories of you...., but my favorite memories are not sad they are very exciting and fulfilling. Like the time you came to get our family from the hotel and to the hospital to see your dad. Always making sure when we got down there you would help us find our way...., always from New Jersey, but always right at home with you all in Charlotte while we were visiting. Thank you for always showing us the best time ever. You always had spare time, time I am so happy that you spent with us...Yes you are missed, but, you are so remembered that I don't think that time will make a difference...It is still like you are here...my little cousin....hopefully you will continue to know that we keep you in our hearts and minds and will do so forever...Love you, Debbie,Dave,Susie and Megan
James Dugan
March 14, 2012
Written July 10, 2011
I always have a tough time with writing these…
What is my favorite memory? What I loved about my brother Sean, pick one? This can not be done, but the first thought that ran through my head is those emotional memories. Those special moments have happened a lot. It's a feeling I got when I saw Sean, or shall I say…caught Sean for that split second. I will try to explain…contented! Like the job is going well. Proud of the work done. Like that feeling of sitting down on the porch, rocking in the chair, overlooking the yard that you took such care manicuring. Not relief, not tired – the feeling of being content with what and where your life has taken you. Smells go with this too. Accomplishments, yes, do have a smell. You know the feeling when you're half way done putting together something with a million pieces, and all of sudden you realize I'm doing this wrong – I forgot to put the piece in the right hole 100 pieces ago. Now I have to go back and start over – shift it all around. That feeling is the opposite of what I'm trying to share with you.
Contented with life at a certain moment. Knowing how far you have come, not sure how far the journey will be, but so ready and excited of what the new adventure or project might be. That's the stolen moment I would take from Sean from time to time. Can't say there are many photos of these moments. Cameras don't come out for those split seconds. Don't get me wrong – there are photos with that feeling – not always sure if people feel it or not. Sometimes a photo can be misinterpreted. Most photos with Patrick and Sean together have that feeling I am speaking of. Ones that stick out in my memory are a few that Cathy has shared with me. Going to pick a Christmas tree, Sean running arms open after Patrick, or the introduction to the ocean – Patrick and Sean facing the ocean Patrick in Sean's arms, or I remember seeing a photo of Patrick and Sean on the beach asleep – 100% guarantee the last feeling that was in my brother's head before he went to sleep – contented.
Set a goal. Do your best to accomplish it. Reach your goal. Set a new goal. It's the moment between reaching the goal and setting a new one…is where these emotional contented memories I have of my brother Sean lies.
I would catch Sean looking at others with that same emotional contented feeling. Knowing that they have grown in life, that they had set and reached some of their goals. Those moments were harder to catch because it's the other person we were focused on. But I would take that glance from time to time and see his joy for your contentedness.
Patrick might not have had a chance to catch Sean in those special moments, but with 100% certainty he will have those feelings of emotional contentedness – the candy bar never falls far from the factory. Patrick should and will know he is a not a boy without a father, but he is the son of a proud, hardworking, loving, contented man that never stopped setting goals. He is the son of a proud father, who will never stop loving him.
I can go on forever with how he was a great Brother, Dad, Son, Uncle, Friend and Husband. And I have plenty of memories, but I am most thankful I saw those emotional moments…no words, no set up…just a wink and a smile. I love and miss Sean so much to ever stop…so I won't.
XO the 4th of the 4ever 4
Tonya Horn
March 14, 2012
My deepest sympathy I just found out about Absent we graduated high school together he was always a sweetheart I always loved his chubby cheeks growing up he will and is truly missed
Randle Hill
March 3, 2012
I miss Sean very much-especially during holidays like Christmas-he always brought so much good cheer to our family when he came to Nashville. wish I had spent more time with him. I grieve for my daughter Cathy and my grandson Patrick!
Randy Hill-Sean's father-in-law and friend
Good Times
Dugan
March 2, 2012
Eternal Love
Dugan
March 2, 2012
Jerry Dugan
February 26, 2012
Hey, Sean, in lieu of the Academy Awards tonight, I'd like to share the speech I'd give if I were to win best actor in a feature film. What, we all have one, don't we?
Well, maybe not all of us. But I do.
So here goes:
I'm sitting in the crowd. Clooney is two rows back from me. Pitt is directly in front of me. I'm sure they'll win. They're much better actors than I am. But my fingers are crossed anyway.
Billy Crystal is up on stage. He makes a couple jokes, one of which is aimed at how movie stars are making great commercials these days, saying, "It's halftime, America," pointing to Clint Eastwood, "and the only thing that's going to save us right now is getting behind the wheel of a Detroit-made car and motoring on down the field to save good ol' U.S.A." The crowd laughs and claps. Everyone knows it was the best Super Bowl spot this year, and they're laughing at the inherent truth in it: that it is time to start looking out for our own and taking our country back. It's time to be number one again.
Then Billy reveals the envelope, saying, "Okay ... the moment we've all been waiting for has arrived."
The room grows still, serious. All eyes on are him. The silence is disturbingly obvious.
"And the Oscar for best actor in a feature film goes to ..."
He pauses. Looks out on to the crowd. I think he looks in my direction, but quickly realize his wife is sitting directly behind me. He slowly opens the envelope, looks inside, laughs, saying, "Sorry, Leo, it's not you this year."
The laughter in the crowd is a bit distracted. Enough of the jokes, Billy. Everyone wants to know who it is. Get on with it! What is the name in that envelope. It's gotta be Pitt. No, it's Clooney. No, it's—
"And the oscar goes to ... Jerry Dugan for Another Day Lived."
The crowd erupts. My head goes numb. My mind races. I want to vomit. No, I want to jump for joy. I might pee my pants. Now I'm walking towards the stage. How is this possible? I don't feel my feet. It's like some autonomic response has taken over. I'm walking. Morgan Freeman cuts me off in the aisle and hugs me, saying, "Welcome to the club, my friend." I walk on stage. Billy shakes my hand. Hillary Swank kisses and hugs me. I REALLY want to enjoy this moment with her, but I can't feel my body. Damn you, body, for abandoning me right now!
And then all goes silent again. The room awaits my words with bated breath.
I'm standing there, behind the podium, that beautiful golden statue in my hand. I fumble for the speech in the breast pocket of my tuxedo, making some excuse that I didn't think I'd win so I whipped something up in the limo on the ride over. That's a lie. I slaved over this speech. Labored over it. Because it's loaded with triggers that I know will make me cry. But this is the world's stage. And right now, there are a few people who deserve to be up here with me. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I begin speaking.
Thank you.
And thank you, Academy.
Here's what I know.
I know that I stand before you today on the shoulders of giants.
To each of my fellow nominees: You inspire me to be a better actor — a better human being. I am sincerely honored and humbled to stand alongside you all.
I know that I could not be standing here today without the support of an army of people.
Most import of which is my intelligent, beautiful wife, Jill: Your strength and wisdom and unconditional love … is my nourishment.
You are and will always be my safe place, my home.
And the blessing you've bestowed upon us with our magical little gnomes, Morgan and Luke, is more deserving of this award than any role I could ever play. (holding up the Oscar)
With every ounce of my being, I honor you.
I also know with every ounce of my being that I would not be standing here if it were not for one very important person: My little brother Sean.
Only he knows the true path I've taken on my journey to get to this very place, this very moment today.
Sean, in many ways, you have always been my cheerleader.
You knew way before I ever could that my star in life was to be a star in Hollywood — and I would one day be standing inthis very spot, holding this very statue, speaking to you all.
You used to say that you were my biggest fan.
For the record, little brother, I was always yours.
Now … here's what I don't know.
I don't know why you can't be here with me today celebrating this moment. Our moment.
I don't know how something like H1N1 can stop a healthy, vibrant, bigger-than-life thirty-eight-year-old in his tracks.
You were a bull, a tank. You beamed with life, Sean.
Your wide, ocean-blue eyes cast happiness and hope and resolve upon all those who were fortunate enough to be considered for your gaze.
How those two beautiful windows of life were allowed to unexpectedly close has left me silent with confusion.
And I certainly don't know — can't even begin to fathom — how it's OK that you were taken away from Cathy and Patrick. Husband, gone. Daddy, gone. Future of a family, gone.
But then, I've yet to meet a person on this planet who holds the answer to these questions.
So while I continue to search my days for answers, little brother, I take today to say thank you.
Thank you for always believing in me.
Thank you for calling bulls*** on me whenever it was needed. And weboth know it was needed a lot.
Thank you for always having my back.
For pushing it when I needed you to.
And for patting it when I needed you to.
Thank you for your incredible bear hugs. Hugs that you gave as freely as most people give handshakes.
Thank you for always demanding a kiss on the lips. No matter where we were, or who we were around. A kiss between brothers had to be on the lips. You settled for nothing less.
Thank you for that … for settling for nothing less.
Thank you for idolizing me, even though it was always me who idolized you.
Thank you for being the BIGGEST little brother anyone could ever ask for.
Thank you for loving me.
(holding up the Oscar) This is for you, Sean, wherever you are.
Which, knowing you, is center stage in heaven's greatest living room, sitting in your ratty old Notre Dame sweatshirt, watching the biggest flat screen ever created, hogging the popcorn and Crunch & Munch and pretzels and Ben & Jerry's ice cream and cake, while surrounded by the many, many new friends you've already made in the short time you've bee there ... your beautiful, ocean-blue eyes wide and fixed on me — on this moment.
Beaming with joy.
And proud as hell.
We did it!
I miss you, Sean.
Shy Goldstein
January 9, 2012
Dugan,
Hey brother, I miss you so much Sean. You keep coming back to me over and over and in my memories, dreams, and thoughts. It's like the ultimate example of bitter sweet and for things to be any different would only be to have not known you; and that would be a far greater loss. Your little man is growing up so fast and becoming such a sweet little guy. Full of mischief, but always with a good heart; just like I imagined you would have been at his age. I miss you so much dude, like you just left us yesterday; but to miss you is to love you and I wouldn't have it any other way. You are in my heart and in my thoughts today, tomorrow, and forever. I love you brother, Shy
Jerry Dugan
December 26, 2011
Hey, Sean.
A memory I cherish: It's Christmas Eve. All four of us are in our footy pajamas, squeaky clean after baths, each one's hair slicked to the side (the way mom liked to do it). We're in the living-room area putting out a plate of freshly-baked cookies and an ice-cold glass of milk for a very special guest due to arrive any minute now.
We're giddy — all four of us hopelessly punch-drunk with excitement — because we know exactly what his visit means: Waking up to a beautifully-decorated Christmas tree, with flashing lights, shiny bulbs (the kind that make your face look hilariously contorted when you peer into them), and … GIFTS. Big gifts. Small gifts. All kinds of gifts. All under the tree. All for us. And all from Santa!
Santa was coming in just a few hours. And all we had to do was go to sleep first.
Go to sleep? Are you kidding me? What kid could sleep on a night like Christmas Eve? What kid in his right mind would risk oversleeping and missing Christmas morning? Who made up this dumb rule anyway?
But that was the trade off: Go to sleep or no Santa.
We shared a room then. Technically, we all shared a room then. We were living in a one-room efficiency apartment on top of Joe Kenny's Party Time Inn. It was an odd Christmas that year. You could say the family was in transition. Dad was scrambling to get back on his feet with a new job. Mom was scrambling to keep the four of us fed and clean and safe and happy, all while keeping her sanity. And, at that very moment, we were scrambling for our respective places on the floor to go to sleep. Because the sooner we slept, the sooner Santa would come and night would give way to the most magical of mornings. Christmas morning.
So while mom and dad had a night's work ahead of them — trimming the tree, wrapping gifts, and so on — we had one job: Go. To. Sleep.
I don't remember much about the tree we had that year or the gifts we received, but I gotta think that Christmas was just as magical as all the others before and after it. I do remember all of us, though. Keith, James, you, and me. We were lying in that one area of the room, each one desperately trying to fall asleep while making it harder for the other three. Keith was making noises. You were nudging. I was kicking. James was laughing.
We were all failing miserably.
Eventually we did fall asleep. And morning did indeed come. You were the first to wake, as always. You woke me up. You woke us all up. Giddier than the night before, your eyes wider-than-wide open, you were whispering, desperately trying to contain yourself from jumping up to see where the tree was and what Santa had left under it for you. We laid there on our bellies for what seemed like hours, staring at each other, quietly scheming how to wake up mom and dad so Christmas could officially begin.
This is how I prefer to remember this particular Christmas day. Not standing by the tree. Not unwrapping gifts. Not being anywhere other than right there, on that floor. All four of us, staring at each other, the excitement and hope and happiness and love and infinite possibilities of what the day ahead held for us — all of it captured in your big, blue, wider-than-wide eyes.
I miss you so much, Sean.
Merry Christmas.
Jerry Dugan
September 29, 2011
Hey there, Sean.
It's been a while since I wrote. Sorry about that. Been a busy few months, what with the twins walking now and getting into everything. And, sad to say, there's always work. It's a constant, as you and I had often spoken about. It's the necessary evil that helps us provide the ones we love with the things they need. House. Food. Security. Creature comforts and so on. That was always important to you. Providing. No matter what it took. Even toiling away for months at a time.
If your death (I gotta tell you, it never gets easier saying that) should've taught me anything, it's that the important things in life are outside of the office, not inside. But we (I) keep toiling, keep trying to provide.
But today's light here, things are calm. I might cut out early to be with Jill and the twins before we head over to her parent's house for the Jewish holiday. Yep, think I'll do that.
I miss you, Sean. I never stop. Those 3AM shocks of reality haven't subsided, either. Something triggers it and — bam! — there I am: in bed thinking, Damn! Sean is gone!
Sean is gone. How twisted is that? What the hell are we supposed to do with it? I swear I haven't processed it, even after all these months. How can I? How can any of us? Where do I even start?
You're always with me, little brother. The shell James gave me from your spot ... it's always in my pocket. And you're always on my mind.
I miss you more than anything, Sean.
We all do.
J
July 8, 2011
I was in Hilton Head this past week, and each day, at some time, I thought of Sean. Not just because I knew his birthday was coming up, but also, cause I knew how much he loved the beach. So this year I sat on the beach and just looked at the Ocean, the way I knew he did, for hours each day. I know this, because we went to the beach with him and Cathy and Patrick once. I often thank God that we had that trip with them. On that trip I saw how he spent each day. First thing in the morning, he was on the beach with Patrick, to play in the ocean, then lunch on the beach, then Patricks nap, still, on the beach. Then, he was still on the beach, while Patrick played with his mom at the pool. Keith and I and the kids rotated between the beach and pool. But Sean was down at the beach all day. He spent a lot of that time just looking out at the beach. That was something I'd never done for long. I was always reading a book. Not actually looking at the Ocean. So this year, in his honor and memory, I did just LOOK at the Ocean. And from now on, this is something I will do. YOu think a lot, looking at the Ocean. You think about the world, your blessings, but most of all God. I think even an Atheist would be tempted to think of God. I think that is what Sean thought of too. From now on I will spend more time sitting and looking and thinking, especially at the Beach. Among other things, I am grateful for this little lesson he passed on to me.
Jerry Dugan
July 8, 2011
Sean, imagine this:
You're sitting in the living room in the apartment on Farley ave. when, from behind the bed sheet that acted as a door, the entire family bum-rushes you and tackles you to the ground.
From there, the spanking and audible counting ensues: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ... 37, 38, 39, 40!" This happens over an over again, until everyone in the room has had a chance to get in their forty licks.
Then, as we watch with delight as you squirm on the ground, clenching your butt and begging for a reprieve from this insane Dugan tradition of smacking the birthday boy or girl on the butt as many times as they are old, dad jumps on top of you and gets in his licks: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ... 37, 38, 39, 40!" And as he finishes, we all break into song, ending with HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY, SEAN!"
And then we'd move on to your favorite part of any birthday: the cake. And the cards. You loved the cards.
I remember many a birthday happening this way. And whether it was in the apartment on Farley ave. or on Kipling Lane or in Charlotte, everyone always got their licks in — one way or another.
Because that's what Dugans do. That's how we celebrate each other. That is how we love each other.
I'll miss smacking you on the "hiney" this year, Sean. The big 4-O. That's a lot of licks, bud. And we would've celebrated big time while administering every single one of them.
This is your day. Enjoy it. I can only hope Uncle Ben, Grandpa, Nanny, Granny, Uncle Jimmy, Uncle Buzz, Mickey Donovan, and all the other family members and friends who are up there with you are getting in their licks. You deserve the love.
You deserve the love indeed.
Happy Birthday, little brother.
I miss you. Always.
J
Jerry Dugan
June 19, 2011
Like Sean, who has a son, Patrick, I have kids. Two of them. They were born last August. They never knew their uncle, although I plan to tell them all about him every chance I get. In fact, my son, Luke, carries Sean's name as his middle name, Luke Sean. It makes me feel closer to my brother whenever I say it.
But my son is only half of the joy I've been blessed with this past year. He has a twin sister, Morgan Grace. They are amazing little creatures, and it's been an absolute trip watching them grow from defenseless little swaddles of wonderment to, well, bigger yet still defenseless little swaddles of wonderment.
I often find myself spouting off all those old-time cliches I've heard over the years. They are my everything. Life without them wouldn't be the same. I want to give them the world. And so on.
Funny thing is, it's actually all true.
Life has changed since they got here. And I don't just mean the obvious stuff. My thinking has changed. My expectation of people has changed. And, slightly melodramatically, my fears have changed. Now failing is less an option than it ever was before. Now the pressure's on. And I carry it with me everywhere, like a heavy woolen cloak in New York City's oppressive summer humidity. Somedays it weighs heavier on me than others, robbing me of the joy that I see in the two little gnomes crawling on the floor right in front of me. I definitely need to loosen up, and quickly. Sean wouldn't want this, although I know he and I shared this feeling.
But today's not the day for this kind of nonsense. Today's the day for stepping back and appreciating my brood. And I approached today unlike any day before it. This morning, as I lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling, I was excited — giddy even — to step out of bed in my official role as a daddy. Where were my slippers? My robe? My pipe?
And as I entered my kids' room, the two of them standing in their cribs waiting with big smiles on their faces to see which of their parents would turn the corner to take them out of their cages (aka cribs), I couldn't help but think: These are my little guys. And I'm their daddy.
I. Am. Their. Daddy.
It's a powerful feeling, being a dad, and it's something you really can't describe to a guy or dude who's never been there. Sorry 'bout that, fellas without kids.
I presume we'll do all the goofy dad things today. Brunch at the Boathouse, bang around the park and people watch, maybe even check out the Central Park Zoo.
And ... at some point in the day, as a daddy's day gift, Jill will give me the proverbial pass to go relax for an hour or so to do whatever I want to do, while she handles the kids (as she typically does anyway). This is a special gift, a gift bestowed on a daddy from a mommy (and vice versa on her day). And it's a gift I won't be taking lightly.
So when/if she gestures for me to beat it for that hour or so, she won't have to ask twice. I'll be gone like the wind. But not to loaf off. Not to nap (although that'd be nice). Today I won't go find a quiet place to read or jump online to senselessly surf or read the paper. No. Today I'll call the one person who needs me more than anyone else in the world: Patrick.
Sweet little Patrick Dugan. How I love you so. We all do, little man. And we're all trying to figure out what the plan is. Not just for today. For every day. We haven't forgotten you, little Sully.
Simple fact is, Sean's death is never really that far away. Not for me. Not for you, I'm sure. Not for any of us. And on this day, it's even closer than normal.
I'm happy to be a dad. And I'm excited about having a special day with my family. I really am. But there's always the grim reality nipping at my heels. My brother was a dad, too.
And his son misses his daddy dearly.
I do, too.
Happy Father's day, Sean.
Jerry Dugan
May 24, 2011
Hey, Sean. Just passing through. Missing you every day, buddy. Morgan and Luke say hello. Jill, too. Little Patrick is doing amazing. I haven't talked to Cathy in a while, been busy on a Burger King pitch at work. It's been a month of crazy. You know the deal. I won't keep it long, little brother. Just wanted to say hi and tell you I love you. We never stop thinking about you. Ever. Love you always.
John Doherty
April 6, 2011
I stumbled on this guestbook, and the news about Sean today. I was reading something that mentioned Scotch Plains which got me wondering whatever happened to my old roommate Keith Dugan from the early circa 1990 in Charlotte. A Google search later, and here I am, shocked and heartbroken for the wonderful Dugan family at the loss of Sean.
I remember traveling up to Scotch Plains with Keith for a weekend and got to meet most of the Dugan family, including Sean. I remember saying, "dude, your brother looks like Tom Cruise" and Keith was like, "yeah, he gets that a lot". I also remember a warm, gregarious family that was very welcoming. Had some good times in those days Keith - Basia, subway flips, lost (then miraculously returned) valuables.
I've spent the last couple of hours reading through the guestbook, getting choked up by Jerry and James heartfelt conversations with their brother - thank you for sharing that - it's such a great testament for the love you have for your brother and each other and a lesson for all of us with brothers, sisters, fathers, sons and daughters to appreciate them in the time we're given here on earth.
God bless the Dugan family and friends.
-John Doherty (formerly John Doher...long story)
Brendan Grady
April 6, 2011
I always will remember your energy, and the joy you brought to those around you. A good man, that will be sorely missed. Your family is in our prayers! God Bless You My Friend. -Brendan Grady, Charlotte
Terri Goldstein
April 5, 2011
I know that you are making the angels laugh. A year doesn't make things easier. I miss you my dear friend.
All my love...
Randy Hill
April 4, 2011
I miss Sean very much. He was really a light in my life and we were so lucky to have him in our family. I haved been thinking about him alot this past several days.
April 4, 2011
Thinking of you Dugans today and always. James-Lisa sends her regards. Get on Facebook :-).
heather carter
April 3, 2011
what a great night!! I hosted Dugan's bday , put on the movie "cocktail" and let him be the ham! We were bartending at the Rhino and he had no clue...started the music, then made him get on stage...his lovely personality came out then and he danced like a wild man!!! ( Thank goodness bc that gave me time to bring the cake out!!)..He loved Cathy when she walked in the door at Rhino...He always told me, " if I could find a hot red-headed teacher, I will marry her"....God love Sean,,what a great man
Heather Carter
April 3, 2011
Dugan,,I can't say enough of how you changed my life and made me a more positive person. You and your spirit are one of a kind. You picked me up when things were tough and I could NEVER find a better friend!! I miss you, Heather
Tasha Thomas
April 3, 2011
Shawn our friendship didn't have a chance to blossom but through you beloved wife I knew how awesome you are. My thoughts are with your family.
Love Tasha and Emmarie
Megan and Rinav Mehta
April 3, 2011
Our thoughts and prayers are with you guys today and every day...
Debbie DePinho
April 3, 2011
April 3rd, 2011
Shawnee,
This is the hardest time for all of us. I thank God that your one year anniversary to heaven was not on holy week. It's hard enough to relive all the seconds of being told you were gone, never mind living the week all over again. I will think of you the most on Good Friday. The day you left us and headed for the sky! The day your uncle Ben was buried 22 years earlier. You share so much of the same interests, your love of music, your wedding song was my dad's favorite song. So where do we go from here. Prayer always helps me! I'll tell you what my cousin, you keep on looking down on me and mine and I will always pray for you! I feel better knowing that you are up there, someone I love, that is close to God. I have alot of questions for you, but I can't think of a way you can answer them! How is it up there? Have you seen my dad and sister?
Please know that every Friday for the rest of my life you will be missed. Fridays are days I can cry at the drop of a hat or laugh hysterically about the past, like when you pulled me on the dance floor at your wedding. I thought, I don't think he knows how old I am!
Here it was your wedding day, and you spent time honoring your guests. You and Cathy were amazing.
Also know that your family is always in my prayers.
I love you my cousin and always will. None of that till death do us part crap! Family forever!
Debbie, Dave, Susie, Meggie, Kathy, Mark, Matthew, Maggie, Benny and Aunt Kay!
Always be the same Shawn you've been. He is loved and longed for daily. When we all finally get where you are, please show us the way Shawn.
Manfred Ricciardelli
April 2, 2011
Hey Doogs:
I miss you every day. Its funny how the same memories can make you laugh and cry. Save me a seat.
Fredo
Flynn Family
April 2, 2011
Thinking of you and your family today. May you find comfort in your cherished memories ... and may love be what you remember most of all. Holding your family in our in thoughts and prayers.
Jerry Dugan
April 2, 2011
Today marks one year, little brother.
One year without one of your weekday phone calls that always started with an abundantly excited: “Hey, J … how are you doing today!?!”
One year without one of your emails about Cathy and how beautiful she is, or how proud of Patrick you are, or how your business is doing, or … just to say you’re thinking about me.
One year without all the brothers getting together to talk about “what’s next” for the family, you and I not always seeing eye-to-eye but always walking away knowing we love each other.
One year without hearing from mom about how wonderfully successful you’re helping her become with her finances.
One year without getting an update about who’s winning the “James vs. Sean” Christmas decoration war.
One year without watching a Notre Dame game because, well, they were your favorite team, not mine.
One year without any of these things, Sean. And more. So much more. And I’ve missed them all, every one of them.
But mostly I’ve just missed you.
We all have.
In fact, a day hasn’t gone by since you left that I haven’t been smacked in the face by the reality of what’s happened. My eyes well up. I become disoriented. I’m leveled. Crippled with fear and anger and silence … it’s always different. Each time is different. And each time I literally have to shake myself to break free from its grip. Because this thing — your passing — is as palpable today as it was a year ago. Maybe even more so.
But then, I guess I’m always going to have a hard time accepting you’re gone.
We all will.
I leave for Charlotte in a few hours to be with the family for the one-year anniversary of your passing.
One year, Sean.
365.25 days.
8760 hours.
31,556,925.9747 seconds.
All of it filled with one recurring thought: If love could’ve saved you, you would have lived forever.
I miss and love you more than anything, Sean.
We all do.
February 19, 2011
Its times like these, the random nights, where i think about you the most. How i didnt even know that much about you other than you were my uncle, my dads brother, i just wish i could tell you things and learn more about you... but i guess its a little too late for that. I just wanted to say that i miss you alot, we all do, i love you Uncle sean...
~Kate and the cousins
Tina Kelly
January 3, 2011
was just thinking about you:)
James Dugan
January 2, 2011
Sean,
Today we hit the 9 month mark. So much has changed, but then again most is still the same. I guess it’s how I perceive life today and I really mean today January 2, 2011 because January 3rd, well, I’m sure I will be looking at something in my life a bit differently. Maybe happy and excited about life, maybe I will try too hard to control an emotion, and then I burn out quick, or maybe I want to reminisce yesterday. I have a lot of fun flipping through my memory bank. I love when I remember an old talk we had or a moment we stole in any given day to let loose. Some days you were on, and I was not feeling it, and there were days our roles were switched. Not a lot of talking the other into something the other had on their mind. That I’ve missed. To tell you the truth, these past few months have been a bit tricky for me. Not sure what it is. I’ve done almost everything people told me to try for the grieving process. I’m not mad at anyone. I cry when I want. Oh, maybe it’s this deep – deep down scream I feel inside of me. Not sure why it has not come out yet, but from time to time I feel it. It’s that beast in me. Most days are pretty structured you know I like my routines. So maybe that is why these past few months have become an emotional rollercoaster with a side order of detach from life at any given moment. The holiday can mess up one’s routines. I’ve said it before this is the year of the first, and well, some hours or days or weeks are tougher than others. Most of the time I can let go and be aware of reality, but then again I welcome the pain I put myself in. I can really trick myself up when I want. But we push through the pain, the odd new emotions, and we find life is moving on. And that is where I’ve been not fully living because my mind is on you. Now with that said/written, I can hear you saying “Yo – don’t blame this on me, I’m good, it is you guys that can’t let me go.” And well, as I write, I get this feeling to say to you – please don’t make me. I can’t stop now, so please don’t make me let go now. So this is a good journaling for me. I’m reading back and can see in my writings my inner turmoil. I’m crazy! That is the cool thing about always talking to you. I can see and hear my insanity. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. I can be sitting in front of a pool with a glass of ice water at my side, it’s 99 degrees out and it’s humid. Sunny as all get out! I sit there confused and sweaty. Tired, dehydrated, and my mind is starting to fry…But yet I sit confused (my choice or I jump in the pool, float for a while, then find some shade and sip that ice water. Kick back and enjoy life. Look for the best in myself and look at the best in others – but that flip side I can sweat it out, I can marvel over others idiosyncrasy. I can fry my brain with the thoughts.
So as the holidays have now come to an end. And the old routines come into the schedule of life, I welcome it. 2011 I hope I can remember the lessons learned from 2010. Try to dodge some of those pitfalls of heatstroke, remember my glass of water from time to time, or at least reach for it. 2010 I will never ever forget, none of us will, but not only because of April 2nd, but really it was the other 364 days that I saw growth, strong bonds, love, tears, laughter, isolation, separation, heart explosions, monuments erected, boxed packed, a closing of my 3rd, and the births of the twins. 2010 has been a full year. I know I’ve learned a better understanding of unconditional love. We love big, us Dugans. So it is only fair to hurt hard. I only realized that these last few days of 2010…that being said, feeling the funk, overwhelmed, or just say this is not working for me, well, that’s ok, we’ve got to be where we are. I’m not going to be so hard on myself in the emotions department. Once again, I also realized there is a flip side to that. I need to allow people to know how I’m feeling and not put up the facade that it is all good.
With 2010, some days just flew by and I have no memory of it, other days were like a snail’s pace and I can reply to those at any given moment. 2010 I’m not going to say I’m glad it’s over because all the stuff I’ve learned and saw some good some bad. Let’s not forget we had you for the first 3 months. As of 2011, today January 2nd I’m excited what new part of this journey will be revealed to me. Will I be reaching out for help or can I help someone? Will I be in a good emotional state about your death or will my scream finally be released? Will the beast show it’s head today? There is no way to know. One thing I do know for sure is that I always have the unconditional love of the Dugan Clan whether I’m up or down. That love is free for that taking and free to be given.
Sean, look we’re still talking in 2011. Not that much has changed. I do all the talking, and you do all the listening – not a lot has changed from our old porch days in 2010. So one door closes and one opens. What will be in this room, how exciting, the anticipation is killing me…I’ll let you know.
Miss and love you too much to ever stop…so I won’t.
4ever 4
xo The 4th
Jerry Dugan
December 31, 2010
Well, Sean.
Christmas has come and gone. And, to be honest, I couldn't be happier about that.
We held our annual party. But it wasn't the same. The entire time I was entertaining (and doing a poor job of it at that) I was thinking about Cathy and Patrick, mom and dad, Keith and James, and the rest of the family in Charlotte. And you, of course. Always you. Sad isn't an appropriate emotion for Christmas Day, I know, but it was there.
I tried to keep your love for the holidays close. Hell, I even wore that stupid Santa's hat for a brief few minutes. But despite my best efforts, I couldn't help but feel bogged down by the reality of you not being there.
It's a reality that became infinitely heavier when I Skyped the family. After seeing all the kids and wives and mom and dad and our brothers, I was faced with that one question I'm constantly asking myself: Where was Sean? Where was your excited greeting: "Hey, J, what's going on?" Where was the brother who would get the rest of the family singing "Hava Nagila" in honor of Jill's family and in the spirit of the Hanukkah holiday that had just passed? Where was the critique of mom's cookies? And the tip on the best ones in the batch. Where was the anchor of happiness in the family?
We all know the answer to that, sad to say.
And I can't lie: I'm no more comfortable with you being gone today than I was nine months ago when it first happened. It still stings. It really does, little brother.
Today is New Year's Eve day. You can feel the excitement here in the city. Everywhere I go people are abuzz with a new rush of energy. I belief it's a sense of optimism, hope, and outright relief that this past year — with all it's bad news and bad times and bad everything — will be old news in just a few hours. And a new day and beginning will dawn soon after we see the old one off. Joy.
People are happier on days like today. I know you'd be that way, too. So I'm striving for that optimism. But I gotta be honest, I'm having a hard time getting there.
Maybe before midnight, just as the ball is about to drop, the worm will turn for me, eh? I will find a new sense of hope, renewal. Maybe.
In the meantime, I miss you more than anything.
Happy New Year, Sean.
I love you.
j
December 24, 2010
Well, little brother, it’s just hours before Christmas.
This was your holiday.
You owned it because you loved it most.
The whole concept behind Christmas: The gift giving. The singing of classic Christmas carols (in church, on the porch, just about anywhere the opportunity presented itself). Eating mommy’s cookies. And, of course, that goofy Santa’s hat of yours.
When I think of you during Christmas, Sean, I think of you in that hat, a cookie in your mouth, the words, “Hey, ‘J’, what’d Santa get you?”
It’s never been a secret. What you enjoyed most about this time of year was the giving.
It’s who you were. It’s really all you knew.
And it’s one of the things I always come back to when I’m thinking about you: your generosity — and the happiness, love, and cheer that came with it.
Your tradition of storming the mall to make the mad Christmas dash is proof of this. From the moment you entered the South Park Mall (or any other), the holiday cheer quotient in the place would seemingly crank up to max. And no matter what shop you visited, you did so with more spirit than most people conjure up in a lifetime. Every “Merry Christmas!” you offered someone — a shop worker, a gift wrapper, even the guy behind the CinnaBun counter (you loved that place) — was genuine and heartfelt. Your greetings let them feel the love you carried in your heart. And I like to think it made working on Christmas Eve a little easier for them. Meanwhile, that proverbial Santa bag over your shoulder would fill up with gifts for all you loved: Cathy, Patrick, us.
They’ll miss you at the mall tonight, Sean.
But then, we miss you every night.
This will always be your holiday, little brother. And I will try to keep the spirit you had for it alive. I guess the best place to start would be with that goofy Santa hat, huh? Figures you’d find a way to get me to wear one (smile).
There’s really only one thing I want for Christmas this year, Sean. But you and I both know that’s not going to happen.
The twins blow their Uncle Sean a kiss. And we all wish you a Merry Christmas.
We love and miss you more than anything.
j
Turkey Trot 2010
James Dugan
November 26, 2010
Keith
November 24, 2010
Today we run for you! Tomorrow for your family!
March 24th 2006 Elliott and Kates Terrific Kid
Dugan
November 23, 2010
Jerry Dugan
November 4, 2010
At 3AM, when everyone's fast asleep, and when I'm nodding off after working at my computer for an ungodly long time, I snap to and realize what's happened to us.
And that's when I look for you.
I squint and stare into the reflection of a window or mirror or pane of cabinet glass in my kitchen. And, if I squint just right, if I let my eyes lose just enough focus, I think I see where I might find you one day.
It's a parallel universe of sorts. A place so magical that I can't even begin to comprehend a tenth of what's found there. But you're there. And that's all that matters.
Problem is, I've yet to see you. So I keep on squinting, looking deep into the still life of the city or apartment that surrounds me at these early morning pauses in life. And I can't wait until the day I do see you.
I miss you, Sean. Can't say this has gotten any easier. It's just one of those things in life that's constantly there. It's there and you're not.
I'll find you.
J
Debbie DePinho
October 19, 2010
October 19th, 2010
Hey Shawnee,
I thought of you today. Not one single Friday will ever go by again without me thinking about you. Then I realized that it's Tuesday. So now I think of you on Tuesdays too. Tonight I was folding laundry and said I have to tell Shawn the next time I see him that I love him! What the ....! I'm still getting those moments that I forget. But I know you hear me cause after my short term break-downs, I always say "I'm okay"! It's as if I've fallen hard to the ground, but jump right back up! Thanks Shawn for pulling me up by the seat of my pants! So over six months now and I have to remind myself your not right here. But I must say, if I would have known you wouldn't be right here I would have talked to you everyday. So what have you taught me this month, Shawn? Talk to those you love as often as you can, cause those moments will be treasured forever!!! As for you and I, our communication will never end!!! I feel and listen to you from where you are often...It feels so wonderful to hear your over excited giggle. Do me a favor, don't be getting into too much trouble up there!! Can't wait to see you again!! I promise my knees will work better to keep up with your dancing feet!
Much love, your cousin,
Debbie
James Dugan
October 2, 2010
Sean,
6 months…how do I start this. I have started to realize when I write on this site, lots of people are reading it. They are reading what I am sharing with you. I do try to block that out though, but in the back of my mind, it’s there. How will they interpret what we are talking about. So I will start with that in mind: the people that care about us the family and the four Dugan boys.
I know I am not sitting with Sean on his porch anymore at random times of the day or night. I know I can not just phone him. I know he is not going to pop in and throw his arms around me and say it was a bad nightmare, but hey it’s over now. Life for us has been exploded, then the pieces have been shipped to the four corners of the world, and TV and radio stations, through out the day we find a piece. So at any given point in our day, sometimes second to second. You just never know what emotion I will discover. I could be fine, then lose my breath. Can’t say it’s getting better, it is getting more normal. It’s not always a shock when it hits. So for all those that are wondering how am I doing. Be really quite and sneak into Cathy and Sean’s bedroom, put your ear to the window. The rocking chairs are just on the other side of the glass. And listen to our conversation. But please don’t share what you hear. Our secrets might get out.
Our cousin Lorriane put a poem on Sean’s site back in July. The poem is written by Henry Scott Holland. I love it. I feel it speaks Sean’s heart. The line that stands out to me: Speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference in your tone. So now I will write/talk to my 3rd, from time to time, I will close my eyes and rock….
The latest news is that Mom and Dad bought a spot right below us at the cemetery. Now and forever, Mom will keep things neat and clean, and Dad will always protect us. When we bought spots there back in April, I didn’t think the price tag would all work out. The cemetery asked me: Hey, what can we do to help get your folks a spot? I named a price. A few hours later, I got a call. “We will be happy to do it at that price, and we will do better than that:” That was such a gift to Mom and Dad. I’ve been seeing a lot of gifts over the past six months.
Gifts of love…some left for you at the cemetery, like Janie Sue’s wind chime or when Cathy left the angel (wooden) for your 5th wedding anniversary. I think Keith left the most messy one for your birthday back in July. 39 individual CDs hung with fishing line – each CD had one song on it. God, how long did that take to do. Gifts of love. Like how Mom will leave her daily devotionals at the cemetery…not to mark she was there, but to share comfort to others that may visit with the word in the book. Mom also bought me a journal, I write to you each time I visit the cemetery. My fear at one time was I was going to forget to tell you something, so Mom had the perfect love gift for my birthday. Just write him and tell him.
Not all gifts I’m seeing are at the cemetery here in Charlotte. One of the smallest and most powerful was when I visited Jerry and Jill in their new place in NYC. Please understand, they just moved in a week earlier, also gave birth to Luke and Morgan…they were 10 days old. Boxes everywhere. For God’s sake, they did not even have cable (ha ha). Carolyn and I and the kids went up to visit the new twins and see the new apartment. As we took a tour of their place, in their bedroom, I looked out the window to the see the view and I saw the gift. In all the madness, excitement, and exhaustion, Jerry placed a shell on the window sill…the shell from your burial. My heart was full. I love how you (Sean) still intertwine in our lives. I love how you find your place.
Back in Charlotte, the radio shares lots of gifts with me, sometimes I will just bust out in tear, mostly I listen and you speak. Then again, some song takes me back to well, wherever, parties, dance clubs, parking lots, painting a house, pool time, weddings, vacations, arcades, the shore – the radio and TV can really do a job on me. For now, I am not running with music, well it was too distracting. Nothing like running 4 miles from home, then burst into tears, so I’ve had to let that go for now. I’m still running the same routes you ran. So I have lots of gifts that will pop up from time to time. The one gift that I will say how I go out of my way to give to you are on Sundays. I clip out the paper – The Sports Section…Notre Dame and Tennessee scores for you. I even find myself Saturday wondering who they might be playing – the Sports page is a mess. It takes me forever to find what I am looking for. I am sure you find it very funny. The only brother who knows zero about any sport brings you the sports updates. But I know you are not surprised because you understand I needed a new way to love you, maybe show my love.
I’m learning this new layer of the gift of life or love gifts. I try not to tell you about Cathy because you’re with her so much. Some of the gifts I see like the movie she made of your life together or how she is gathering some of your very personal stuff for Patrick to have later in life. Truly a love gift.
I have to also share how Janie Sue has stepped up to the plate. She truly knows how much you love her daughter. Can we ask anymore of a mother-in-law?
I see the gifts pour from our friends too. Shy and Terri haven’t missed a beat at all the Dugan family functions. I mean sometimes you know how we do, last minute affairs, no notice, they have added so much to the parties. The love gifts don’t stop there. Back in May, Carolyn for our 10th wedding anniversary gave me a picture that hangs in our kitchen. It is a view of the pond and weeping willow tree. It’s the view from where you are buried. Under the photo is the serenity prayer. People might say 10 years that’s huge. A photo from the cemetery is not so, well, 10 year wedding anniversary gift. When I opened the gift…Wow – it was like the first time I knew we would spend the rest of our lives together. To know my heart that well. To date, it is the best gift, besides Carly and Ryan, she has given me.
Another gift of love is watching Brian spend the night at your house so Cathy and Patrick feel safe. Night after night, it is so nice to see your friend/brother honor you in that way. That selfless gift of love will never be forgotten.
We are all sharing our gift of love with each other. That is the most important thing. These are only a few gifts I have witnessed these past 6 months. The list is so long of people who reach out and share an old story or photo or just their time when something needs to be done around your house. We are so lucky to have each other. I am so grateful to be able to see the gifts today. Just a few months ago, it was pretty dark. Today with each gift you send, it does get a bit brighter to look for the next one.
Well, my brother, it’s getting late, the coffee is getting old and we’re running out of cigs. I see Carolyn giving me the eye to help out putting the kids to bed. Hey, you going to Mom’s Sunday. It’s Elliott 15th Birthday. It’s at 1:30 – try not to be late….
Keep sharing your gifts. They truly make the day into scavenger hunts. I enjoy finding even the tiniest ones.
I miss and love you too much to ever stop, so I won’t.
XO 4ever 4
The fourth
Rick Pincus
August 30, 2010
My fondest memory of Shawn was from a trip we took to Columbia, SC for their annual St. Patrick's day festival. If you're not familiar with their celebration, they close the downtown (5-Points) streets for a music and party festival. The many bars in the area are open as well.
As the Irish and non-Irish will do on St. Patrick's day, we were enjoying some pints at a local bar. Shawn, his brother, Keith, our other friends in our group, and I began singing standard Irish pub songs among ourselves. Before we knew it, we were becoming the stars and center of attention. The whole bar had an energy that can be attributed directly to Shawn....women were swooning, men were buying us drinks to serenade their dates, and the waitresses and bartenders were covering our tabs, since we were keeping the otherwise mobile patrons put in their seats.
Shawn and I were never more than casual acquaintances, but I always felt as if I was family when I was around him. He will be missed.
Jerry Dugan
August 11, 2010
Well, you're an uncle ... again.
Luke Sean & Morgan Grace Dugan are amazing. They are the most magical little gnomes. And now I know what you meant when you said being a daddy left you awestruck. I am completely in love.
My babies are the sweet to the salt we've all endured with your passing, Sean. And they will always, always know you.
Luke & Morgan blow kisses (and gas) your way. ; )
I love and miss you gigantically. We all do.
High & Low forever,
Jerry
Jerry Dugan
August 5, 2010
Sometimes it hits me: you’re gone. Sometimes the thought of never seeing you again is so disruptive. It's a land mine. It stings. In a way, we’ve all been blindsided. We’ve all received a cold cock to the jaw, forced to take a mental knee because of such a powerfully unexpected blow.
I’d give anything to have you actually hit me in the face right now. The flesh of your knuckles on my chin — KAPOW! How wonderfully real it would be. Beers would follow. Laughs, too. And then we’d spend the rest of the night, our guards up, cocks covered, jaws forever defended.
The love of brothers never hurt so good.
Have I told you about Friday? It’s a big day for Jill and me. Our babies arrive. Crazy, I know. I remember the day Patrick was born. You were the happiest I’d ever heard you. Cloud nine wasn’t high enough for you. I think you literally glowed, beaming with utter delight for this special little creature you’d just brought into the world.
You were a proud papa.
And all I kept saying was: “My brother is a daddy.”
When we talked that day, your voice was strong and extraordinarily fast. I don’t think you took a breath once while describing Patrick’s weight and height and face and little fingers and … Nanny’s nose. Life was good that day. Life was abundant that day.
This is one of my many memories of you. It’s my keepsake for a pinnacle moment in your life. My only regret is that I don’t get to reciprocate. I don’t get to share my glorious day with you.
I know you’ll be on my shoulder when we’re delivering. I know you’ll have my back. I just wish I could see you seeing me see my babies for the first time. I wish we could do it together. The Dugan Four forever.
The twins will always know you, Sean. One of them will even carry on your name. And both will honor you every day. And they will learn to love you. Just like I do.
You’re going to be an uncle, Sean … twice over. Look over them, will ya?
I love you so much it hurts,
J
Lisa Bradford
July 15, 2010
So, lets try this again!! I am still speechless, baffled, and just plain confused. How such a wonderful person has been taken from us way before his time. Shawn was the most welcoming man...I can remember when I was first introduced to him. All smiles and so kind. As I grew to know the Dugan family, I was always astonished by their love for one another. The Dugan brothers are the most kind men.And would do anything for anyone. My heart goes out to the whole family. I send all my love to Cathy and Patrick. Shawn was a wonderful son, a remarkable brother, a superb husband, and most of all extraordinary father! He will forever remain in our hearts. Missing you Shawn. Love John and Lisa
Michael LeBard
July 12, 2010
I'm sorry I missed the funeral in April. I knew Shawn at UNC-Charlotte (in the Model UN), but we both graduated and our destinies scattered us. After I returned to Charlotte, I saw him sporadically through the years since. I last saw him at the Harris YMCA in February of this year. We chatted and always planned to get together for a drink or lunch, but somehow it never worked out.
I remember Shawn as a fantastic, outgoing guy. And smart too. I am very sad to see that fate cut short the fulfillment of the promise he held.
I would like to express my sympathy to his family on their loss.
Sincerely,
Michael LeBard
July 11, 2010
Dugan (as we all called him) was one of our favorite customers at Starbucks at Old Towne in Charlotte. He would walk in with the ever-present smile on his face and greet each of the Starbucks partners. What a great guy...we all miss him.
Debbie, Dave, Susie & Megan DePinho
July 11, 2010
July 11, 2010
Happy Birthday Shawn. They say those born in the months of June, July and August truly love the sea. How true that is. Remembering you as a young boy at the Jersey Shore. Bathing suit from 8am on! You didn't head to the beach just once for the day, but back and forth all day long!! We, the Dugan's, have the beach and sea in our blood! Ahhhh, the beach! We'd wait all year to get there! On the beach by 9am off the beach at 5pm! We looked like island people! Just freckled! We spent a minimum of 6 hours in the ocean water every day. No tan lines and lots of muscles from rough housing, jumping and body surfing with the waves! We met interesting people there and had the most amount of fun for an entire lifetime each and every summer. So, it's only normal for us to retreat back to the sea during happy, sad, or prayerful times.... These days the ocean looks different. It's a little blue-er, It must have gotten it's extra bright color from your eyes, Shawn. The sand is softer/finer, it must have gotten the soft part from you Shawn, and how you always seemed to listen to and softly surround us with your arms, Shawn. The waves crash harder then they use to, you can hear the roar as they hit the sand, the white heavy foam from the hard breaks. That fierceness the ocean got from your hard fight to stay with us, Shawn. Even the sun, it shines brighter and hotter than ever! On a cloudy day the rays seem to beam through from heaven, with those long streams of light. All I can think of is that your sending those beams down on us, Shawn, in an effort to protect and keep us all well! All at the beach, can you imagine that, Shawn!
Your 39 in earth years but will be forever young in heaven! Can't wait to see you again some day, but for now, Happy Earth Birthday.
Love forever and always,
your cousins,
Debbie, Dave, Susie & Megan DePinho
July 11, 2010
so sorry for your loss
John Bradford
July 11, 2010
Cant help but think of all the great memories of Shawn as we were just out of High School and a guy that was always on the top of his game, full of life, a hard worker, always had his friends best interests at heart, and if you needed him he was there no questions asked. This is the same guy that became great husband and father that passed before his time. I will be thinking of him today as we celebrate his life at his brother James' home. Some great times were had at Ma Dugans pool where Shawn and I had some heated battles of water volleyball, maybe we will serve one up for him today...
Love you Bro! John, Lisa, and Julianna
Janie Sue Graham
July 9, 2010
Shawn Dugan was not just my son-in-law but he was my #1 son-in-law. People who know me know in order to be #1 in my book you have to be pretty special and in deed, Shawn Dugan was special. There was a bond between Shawn and I that can’t be explained. I loved him with all of my heart and sole and at the same time respected him for the husband, father and provider he was. He loved my daughter Cathy so much it was like watching Love Story unfold before my very eyes. I will never forget the day Patrick was born and Shawn telling me if there was nothing else in his life of acknowledgements he would be remembered for, the first and most important was his son. He told me many times how blessed he was to have my daughter as his wife and how proud he was she had gave him a son. Shawn was always happy and I loved being around him as he definitely put the sweet in sweetness.
Cathy Dugan (Shawn’s mom) and I are very close. We often visit Shawn’s grave together. I always make sure I bring a box of tissues. I keep telling Cathy I know Shawn is there watching us and shouting “STOP IT YOU TWO JUST STOP THAT CRYING”, yet we can’t . I cry not only for the pain his Mom and Dad are going thru but for the loss his brothers, Keith, Jerry and James have suffered and for my daughter and grandson as I know he is so missed by them. If I could give up my life today in order to bring Shawn back in to their lives, I would do it in a heart beat, but I can’t so I will continue to be there for my daughter giving her an extra hug when I feel it is needed.
Love you Shawn
Momma Sue
Benny Cardullo
July 9, 2010
Happy Birthday Shawn! Each and everyday I cherish the memories of you from a life of laughing, singing and dancing. We (the entire family) miss you in so many ways! when we are are all together your name is always mentioned along with a story that makes us laugh so hard tears roll down our faces. When we listen to music we remember the songs we all sang together, and when we dance we a celebrate how much we all love eachother. You and your love of dancing is a memory we all have and share often. Music is a big part of each and everyone of our family members, as you are! Your love of life and the great person you are is one true Dugan trait that makes it easy to always miss you! I LOVE YOU SHAWN! You are always in my heart and thoughts!
Shawn & Patrick, August 2008
Walter & Lara Long
July 9, 2010
Happy Birthday Shawn! We miss you so much. You were such a great brother-in-law to us & uncle to Bai & Tenor and an amazing daddy to Patrick and husband to Cathy. We will never forget what a fun, loving guy you were. I know you are living it up in Heaven and entertaining everyone with your crazy sense of humor.
Walter, Lara, Bailey & Tenor Long
Trisha and Dean Bryant
July 8, 2010
Happy Birthday to an amazing angel in heaven! We miss you everyday. We know that you would want us to "celebrate life" on your birthday so that's just what we will do.(with lots of candy and goodies of course!)
Everytime we see your sweet baby Patrick we see you, your energy and zest. You are an abundant light.
Bowen was just saying what a great joke teller you were and how he misses seeing you on your porch and waving to him everyday. We'll miss you always. xoxo
John Turnbull
July 8, 2010
Sorry to read about Shawn. I have not seen any of the Dugans for many years but know them all from Scotch Plains.
Shawn teaching Riley how to balance a spoon on his nose
Kristen Hill
July 8, 2010
Riley will never forget his uncle who taught him how to balance a spoon on his nose at Karl and Denise's wedding. We believe that this picture really captures Shawn's spirit --he truly lived in the moment and made fun-loving and everlasting memories with everyone he met. Happy birthday to my fellow Cancer. We love and miss you!
Kristen, Rob, Riley, and Gavin
Lorraine Mann
July 8, 2010
Shawn was a ray of sunshine at every family event...always brought smiles and laughter to us "cousins". And no matter the amount of time in between seeing one another, it always felt like just hours. I think it was because we all have such an amazing bond of love and friendship. Regardless of where life brings us all, we all understand that we are there for each other. Our childhood memories are in our hearts with the love and joy we have for each other. As each of us has grown and achieved new milestones in our lives, we are always celebrating one another and so proud of how far each of us has come. I love each of you "cousins" as if you were my siblings, and my heart breaks each time I think of Shawn. He was an amazing man with an amazing family and such a strong bond of brothers! I pray each and every day for each of you, that the pain goes away and the memories bring back smiles and laughter. We have lost one of our own, one of the very best...too young to understand or to make sense of it. So while the pain is still fresh, don't stop loving, living and laughing for Shawn would have wanted it that way....
All Is Well
Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.
Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918)
Canon of St Paul's Cathedral
Andrea Cope
July 8, 2010
Happy Birthday Shawn! I miss you so very much. Everytime I look at your picture on my inspiration board that is hanging in my office, your infectious smile comforts me. I know you would tell me to keep moving forward but sometimes I just want to go back to the day in March that I got to see your new office for the first time. You'll never know how much it meant to me for you to say that I made a difference in your life. I know that God gave us that time together. How could I know it would be the last time I would see you. That day, I was able to tell you exactly what you had done for me and how much you changed my life. You believed in me. I knew that. Although, we didn't always see eye to eye on some things, at the end of the conversation, you would always say, "you know what I love about you", and you would tell me something so encouraging. You will always be in my heart and I will never forget the words of wisdom that you have passed on to me through the years. You are truly an angel and I know that Heaven is a little sweeter with you there.
Love Andrea aka "your mortgage girl"
Jerry
July 7, 2010
Oh brother of mine
There you stood
Always by my side
Never one to waver
Never one to hide
Oh brother of mine
No one warned us
No one told us it was your time
Now I fear the fight I am asked to fight
For it’s with you I used to fight beside
For it’s with you my deepest fears I did confide
Oh brother of mine
Together you and I shined
Two kids from nowhere,
Two wide-eyed boys from the other side
Determined to discover a life few ever find
Ours a bond never broken
Because with love it was tightly tied
Oh brother of mine
Where have you gone?
Where do you now hide?
This mystery consumes me,
As I sit and think and stare,
Drowning in the tears I cry
Oh brother of mine
Will we meet again?
Will our lives ever intertwine?
I keep looking for you there,
Everywhere,
Standing by my side
Oh brother of mine
From life’s uncertainty you could not hide
They say it was your time
Well, until my final days draw near,
Until my final ride,
Know that my love for you will never die
Oh brother of mine
How I miss you so
Happy Birthday
Rob Gibbs
July 6, 2010
I am at a loss for words to express my deepest sympathy to Shawn's family. As a former middle school and high school classmate, the sudden rush of memories about Shawn brings laughter and happy times back again. Shawn's personality and infectious sense of humor and laughter brought smiles all around whenever he was near. I am sorry to hear he is no longer with us. I hope the Dugan family finds comfort in Shawn's legacy as a wonderful human being as remembered by so many.
Robin Turner
July 6, 2010
Shawn was my patient at Dr. Greg Morrison's office for two years. He was one of the most positive persons I have ever met. He came in with a smile and when he left I was wearing it. He had a deep love for his wife Cathy and little son Patrick, whom he talked about conatantly. What a tragic loss to all whose path have crossed his. My deepest condolences to his family.
Pam& John Jahrmarkt
July 6, 2010
We are in-laws of Shawn's brother Jerry and devastated to hear of his loss. We send best wishes to his entire family.
Todd Kaser
July 6, 2010
It is with such sorrow that I write about the loss of such a joyous spirit. As a friend of Shawn in high school I will always remember his smile and love of life. Todd K
Kim Styles
July 6, 2010
I have many fond memories of time spent with Shawn during our high school (and college)years. He was always full of life, fun, smiles, and laughter. It was impossible not to smile and have fun when with him! I am deeply saddened by the loss of Shawn, and offer my sincerest sympathy and prayers to his family
Nicole Hymowitz
July 6, 2010
Shawn was such a nice, charasmatic and very funny guy to go to high school with. My most sincere sympathy goes out to his family. Shawn will always be in my heart.
Mita and Amit Sengupta
July 6, 2010
We have known Shawn for about 7 years. He was not only our financial advisor, but also became a family friend. We are stunned at the news of his passing away. He was in our home in February, and we had planned to meet in his new office in a few months. I cannot believe the reality that I won't see Shawn ever again, but he is probably in a better place now. Our thoughts and prayers are with Cathy and Patrick; Shawn talked about them every time we met.
John Makous
July 6, 2010
I will surely miss Shawn's constant smile and infectious energy. As a client of his, I felt like he was more of a friend than a financial advisor. He always showed genuine interest in me and my family
Bob Poole
July 6, 2010
I will miss Shawn. You were more than just my Financial planner, you were my friend. You knew things about me that no one else knew. You always wanted to help me even as you lay in the hospital fighting your illness. Your devotion to your clients was paramont. I will always cherish the memories of our day at the Wachovia Championship a few years ago. It was a special day for both of us. I will always think of you everytime I eat a m&m peanut candy. You are in a much better place now and looking down on us. God be with you and God please help your family and friends be strong throught this. Your friend Bob
Tonja Henderson
July 6, 2010
My deepest sympathies go out to the Dugan family. May God bless and keep you.
James Dugan
July 5, 2010
Sean,
Happy 39th Birthday! Definitely did not think I would be writing this to you sitting on my couch...thinking is this real? Can't be. What has happened? Then I think - what about a pool party? Friends and family gathering together to celebrate your birthday. Nothing big, just fun and memories...live life. Well, it's been 3 months now since I looked you in the eyes and told you it's going to be ok, and I will see you in a few days after they fix the bleeding and wake you up. You said ok. I kissed you, and we said we loved each other. Well, we both know what happened next. It was your turn to teach our family how to grieve. I can look at it a different way though, like being selfish and self-centered and feel sorry for myself and feel sorry for you. I can feel I've been robbed. Say how someone stole my brother. Ask questions like why Sean? Why not someone else...someone who only takes from life and gives only pain? I can think only of the past and stay sad or think only of the future and fear it because you're not in it. I can stay in the moment and accept what cards our family has been dealt. I can beat myself up over how I behaved at one moment and brag about how I behaved another moment. Over the past 3 months, I’ve done all of that. Thought of the worst stuff, felt so sad, cried, said goodbye, screamed at the ocean, isolated at the cemetery, listen to sad songs, walked around like a zombie. Then some days I can reminisce with our friends and family. I laugh at times...well, every time I tell someone a story of our antics, stunts, partying ways. God, did we have fun. At times, I find myself standing taller because you are my brother, and I tell someone that. Proud to be tied together forever with you. Proud to be part of that elite group...the 4 Dugan boys. Like our cousin Debbie says "Nope, you can't join, you have to be born into it". Now that our private group has gotten a bit quieter, you are silence in our decision making process. I am proud we (as the boys) are keeping you alive. That unspoken word to get through this together. Well, live with this together. One of the four has been silenced. How do we do this? How do we react to each other? Our dynamics has been shuffled around. I can pretend I’m all alone in this. I’m the only one going through this. I’m the only one that understands what I am going through. But who am I kidding, I am fooling no one. I was born with 3 older brothers that have always been with me, loved me, and took care of me, even after I thought I could take care of myself. What can I do? I don’t know another life…just love because you guys have taught me that. So thinking I’m alone and going through your death by myself. Plain and simple, that’s a lie. We boys talk a lot. And well, we’re doing….ebbs and flows. We ride the wave. Some days there are wipe outs. I would say that we as the brothers are weaker, missing one, our chain has broken. Another lie I can tell myself. It’s that unspoken rule. We are strong and only Sean, Keith, Jerry, and I know what that means. Sure, we grieve our loss, but we walk together always have, always will. Jerry said it well “each one strong on our own, together unstoppable.” I find peace in that. Forever 4.
Well, now I have left the couch and am sitting with you at the cemetery…how peaceful. From the moment we saw this place, we thought Freedom Park. Of course, next to the sidewalk, so we can not get stuck in the crowds. Freedom Park where we walked and talked late nights. Later you would ask Cathy to marry you there, and yes, wedding photos. All pile in the limos, we’re going to Freedom Park. So when I sit with you, I really enjoy the view. There is that beautiful pond and well, got to have a weeping willow tree. That makes me think of grannies house when we were kids. No noise, just flowers and beautiful manicured grass. I can’t wait to see how our markers and benches are going to look when they are set in place. Lots of symbols. We have put a lot of thought into creating that perfect resting place. You now and later (hopefully a lot later)us. Always we keep in mind WWSD (What would Sean do?) Bench here or there, this granite or that.
I am starting to understand what it means when they say “ The year of the first…” We just had Carly’s birthday party at the house. Carolyn and I, we are running around like nuts and it hit me…you always took out the trash for us. And at the end of the party, you would say after the kids are asleep, swing by, I’ll be on the porch, we can talk. I got a bit sad, so I went to my front yard and looked at your porch (you know what I said) gave myself a moment and went back to the family and lived life. I know you don’t want us to wear black and hold our heads down. You want us to keep making memories, enjoy each other, laugh, fight, make up, cry, love, encourage the growth, learn from failures, live it up, be there for each other. So that is what we are doing. For your 39th Birthday, I would love to give you life. And that is what I will give this year. Don’t get it twisted…tears are also part of life, brother man. I am not going to say these last 3 months have not been tough. I still feel I have not found that missing piece of the puzzle. Maybe I never will. But I really am excited looking for it. I am excited about how our family continues to love in new ways, how we look at things differently every day. How we watch and celebrate each other’s life, our love has many different layers, grieving is a new one, and yet, we do this together. I am truly thankful of the grace you provide us. As long as you keep it up…we will keep it up (Deal?). I love you still teach me, I love we are brothers, and I love you… I wish you were in my arms. Happy 39th Birthday Sean! May God’s love be with you always! Forever 4 Dugan Boys.
XO James
Gwynnett & Donald Brown
July 2, 2010
To the family of Shawn Dugan,
My husband and I were shocked to just find out this week (June 29) that Shawn had passed away in April. Shawn had been our Financial Advisor for the past 6 to 7 years and we had grown to know him from his visits to our home. He was at our home in late March and asked us to visit him in June at his office in Charlotte. We will deeply miss Shawn's smile and his financial planning expertise. God's blessing upon all of you and I pray that God will comfort you as you continue Life's Journey without Shawn.
June 10, 2010
I've just heard about this and we are devestated. Shawn was an awesome advisor and friend. When we first met him, he'd travel out to our house and tell us about the woman he was going to marry :-) He even had an accident rushing home to get to his bride to be. Being at their wedding was truly an honor (loved the wedding dance). To the entire Dugan family, may you find the strength of Lord thru the hard times and know that Shawn is watching over all of us, propably eating a cookie, then running it off :-) I know that we are blessed because we knew him. Please feel free to reach out to us at any time.
Dawn & Kevin C.
Cathy and their new arrival Patric Sullivan Dugan
Mom Dugan
June 10, 2010
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