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Steven Stafford Memoriam
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Memories and Condolences
for Steven Stafford
Sponsored by Stevens Loving Family.
Mom
May 9, 2025
Steven, The main reason for this letter is I want to tell You that I thought my time was up when they found all the blood clots in my lungs and body. Quietly thought to myself, I finally get to see my Son! Thought I was ready to go be with You in heaven then realized I wasn't. Wasn't ready to leave Your sisters. I always thought I would welcome that day with open arms yet when it came knocking at my door I stepped back. Something in Sams eyes and Heathers voice made me feel like I still need to stick around, they actually need me too. The brief times Steph wasn't at my side, I feel like You carried me through both situations especially when I was solo and not faking the brave face.
I've been having this continuous dream of a white car coming at me with headlights in my face, idk if I can call it a flashback because other than the dream I didn't see it coming and sometimes in those dreams, I'm running from it not driving. I guess I'm overthinking and trying too hard to figure out how I could have avoided it. Anyway, Sam was pushing my arm saying mom! Mom!! then You brushed my arm as You left, from Sammies side. You were there December 1st when the accident happened. Were You? Or am I wishful thinking, wishful dreaming? Was that You saying no mom, not yet! Was it a bereavement hallucination or a coping mechanism?
IDK, it's so foggy trying to remember that night, I even saw uncle Mikes head floating in that fog which later was explained to be smoke and dust from the airbags so maybe I bumped my head and was just really out of it!? Or maybe Sam and I are living proof You were truly there? It's so hard to even say this, I already can't see and these tears don't help as I'm trying to write this but in a way, I feel like I missed my chance to see You. I really thought I would welcome that day where I can go be by Your side, go be Your mom, share moments, laugh and talk...
with You.
I know in my heart we will be together someday, but 12/19/2024 wasn't the day, I lived through surgery when I thought I wouldn't...
Until then, I'll hold on to the memories we made, the Laughter, the Love and the absolute Joy of You being my Son.
I Love You Steven!!!
More than any words can ever say.
With All My Love, Mom
Mom, always missing You xo
April 27, 2025
Steven, I always hug You real tight in my dreams because I know when I wake up, You'll be gone...
Aunt Tina
November 2, 2024
Happy Birthday Steven! You are so truly missed! There is not a day that goes by that I don´t think about you. I love and miss you so much! I hope you can hear me when I´m talking to you I love you
Your Mom Missing You Always
October 13, 2024
In reality, I will grieve forever.
No matter what people say I will always grieve His absence and be carried by it in whatever way it may come. Grief has built rooms inside of me that no one will ever see. Rooms with doors that only I can pass through filled with songs or silence that only I can hear. I can shout, whisper, dance or simply rest in these rooms. It's safe here with no other eyes or ears telling me how long it should take, what to do or how to do it. If I need to cry, I'll cry. If I need to reminisce, I'll remember. The rest of the world can go to hell with their stages of grief, I'm done with that. I'll be in one of my rooms. For me, my way is the right way...
Mom...Mama!
April 13, 2024
Come Back I Need You!!!
Sincerely
A Mother Still Grieving...
Mom
March 24, 2024
Dear Steven, can you look out for your cousin Eliza now in heaven too. You can't miss her, she's very beautiful & quite a character... of course she is, it's in the genes wink wink. If uncle Ray (her grandpa) beat you to it & found her 1st, join him in welcoming her & show her how to send signs to her mom. Take her under your wings, make her laugh & feel safe.
Thank You Son,
Mama Loves You
Mommy
November 1, 2023
Every year it's the same thing. November arrives and it's time to think about Your birthday. Somehow another year of life without You has passed and all that remains is the question, "What do you want to do for Stevens birthday?" What do I want to do!?
The deepest pain I have ever felt is Your absence. I think this year I would like to answer honestly than I have in the past. You! I want to spend & celebrate Your birthday WITH YOU.
Mom
October 17, 2023
Some days I just sit & remember. The sting hasn't subsided & there are still days it's harder to cope. But I do. I know You're here all around me because I feel You, I even hear You when the ache intensifies & I cry. I Miss You. Your voice, Your laugh & most of all like right now, Your hugs.
It doesn't get easier with time, the pain just looks different.
In some ways I Miss You more now than I did when I first lost You.
Missing You is not living in the past, it's loving You in the present.
With everything that I have been through. All the hurt, all the pain & all the struggles that have come as a result of losing You, I'm still forever grateful I had You...
Mom
September 14, 2023
Some days I'm falling to the floor screaming so hard that no sound comes out but I can't stop til I get dizzy from running out of breath...
It feels like a million little demons battling one single tiny angel in my brain testing to see if I'm strong enough or not to survive another year without You.
It doesn't get better. It doesn't get easier. I just learn to live...to survive.
These are silent battles that I fight. I fall alot, but I get back up, even if I slowly get up...I get up. Sometimes I shock myself that I actually get up & move forward. Maybe I should celebrate this stregth I didn't know I had... Maybe it's your voice I hear saying "Mom, pull yourself together"
Mommy
July 16, 2023
So happy I get to spend my birthday with Your sisters today. I hope I feel Your presence so close that I'll feel Your soul breathing. You will never truly be gone, I hold You safe in my heart forever.
I Love You So Much...
Mommy
July 2, 2023
Being asleep I don't have to remember that You're not here or feel the unimaginable pain of losing You. So yeah!!! Sleeping is easier than feelings. Most days I wake up only to wish I didn't...
Mommy
March 14, 2023
Every day....
Sissy
November 3, 2022
Happy 29th birthday Steven! My heart breaks every time I hear your moms heart. I wish there was a magical remedy to bring you back to her. Instead, we live with the wonderful memories of who you are. You really stood out in our family from the beginning. I nicknamed you Dennis the Menace because of your white blonde hair and you were always so active and showed all of us the fun boys have. I know in this circumstance God´s will seems so unfair to take you so soon and something none of us will understand. We wait for the day to be reunited with you and all our other family members that have joined you. We love you and you will always be in our hearts and will always be missed.
Mommy
November 2, 2022
Steven,
I wish You were here with me to cut Your birthday cake & unwrap Your birthday gifts. I so badly want to hug, kiss, & throw a fun birthday party for You, but I can't do that because You live so far away on twinkling stars. You gave us so many reasons to be happy and grateful for having the beautiful gift of Your life, I will always wake up with You in my heart. Your presence on this planet was undeniably short, I miss You in ways that not even words can understand. Your love, kindness & humor spread joy to everyone who knew You & is something we will always miss. Those pranky fun memories still constantly revolve in
my mind, I wish You were here to make more. The gates to my memories will never close, I miss You more than anyone knows. You will always be too amazing to be forgotten. I´m so thankful for every second I got to spend with You. Steven, You are wonderful, handsome, brave and Loved more than ever could be imagined. I wish I could Love You back to life. I miss everything about You my Son. Wherever You are, I am sending You every part of my heart on Your 29th Birthday and every day that I am alive, I will Love You Forever...
Happy Birthday Son!
Stevens Mom
October 20, 2022
You don't know how much one life can alter your entire existence until you've had to bury your child. Words cannot describe the psychological torture. The intense desire to see and speak to Him is utterly consuming, mentally and emotionally. You don't just suddenly stop loving someone when they die so why would you stop grieving them? The truth is you don't. But society tells you that you're supposed to.
There will never come a day, hour, minute or second, I stop loving or thinking about Steven. Just like parents of living children unconditionally love their children always and forever, so do bereaved parents. I want to say and hear His name just the same as non-bereaved parents do. I want to speak about my Son as normally and naturally as you speak of your living ones. I love my child just as much as you love yours, the only difference is one of mine lives in heaven and talking about Him is unfortunately quite forbidden. Society isn´t so great with hearing about children gone too soon, but that doesn´t stop me from saying His name and sharing His love and light every chance I get. Just because it might make others uncomfortable, doesn´t make Him matter any less. I lost somebody that I couldn't even say goodbye to. If you simply can't understand why someone is grieving so much, for so long, consider yourself extremely lucky. My Son´s life was cut irreversibly short, but His love lives on forever. And ever.
Mommy
October 2, 2022
Steven, as long as I breathe, I will grieve, ache and Love You with all my heart and soul. There will never come a time where I won´t think about who You would be, how You would be or what You would look like now. I wish people could understand that grief lasts forever because love lasts forever. The loss of a child is not a time limited event, it is a continuous loss that unfolds minute by minute over the course of a lifetime. It's been a rough week Son, I hope You feel my Love...
<br />
Sabrina Jackson
October 20, 2020
16 years.
There are so many things to say about what it feels like 16 years later. I know it seems like a long time ago to you, it's everyday for me. Time is confusing. It's the missing part that's so hard. How do you explain to another how it feels to miss your child so bad that you think you're going to die!? It's the most empty feeling that could ever exist. It's almost as if His passing shoved me out of my body too.By societal standards, I should be completely healed & moved on. He should only cross my mind on His birthday because I'm suppose to be over the worst day ever by now. This is not reality. Thoughts of Steven are present daily. Yes even after 16 years I am devastated as ever. Just because my eyes show no tears, doesn't mean my heart Isn't crying.This is not by lack of effort to heal, I've done it all. Somehow I'm still destroyed. My soul cries for Him. Even after all the books on healing &working through grief, grieving parent meetings, therapists & journaling some days the grief hits so hard that it feels impossible to breathe.Certain things trigger flashbacks and I see His lifeless body in my mind.... here we go, the floodgates just released from my eyes. It's a knife to my heart.Have you ever run your fingers across things your child has touched just to feel the nearness of your child again? I frequently find myself in a state of irritation. I'm agitated, simmering on a low boil. I look forward to content moments. There is still anger in me that I can't seem to tap. WWSD = What Would Steven Do. Find the humor, even sarcastic humor to stop the negativity.I try to find humor in everything. But I'm also still sad, still angry.Sometimes I wonder if the pain is visible in the smiles I force or behind my eyes when they are on the verge of tears?Maybe it's a bad case of "smiling depression"?I definitely feel like my body has aged from the trauma of loss. I feel like 87 vs 47.
Grief and PTSD are no joke. They may be invisible to the world around us but those of us with it, it's incredibly debilitating. Light needs to be shed on the struggles of bereaved parents. There are a lot of us out there & the more society learns the more we can help & support each other. It's an uphill battle that I'll forever be climbing. Grief transforms and varies in intensity, but it remains. I will forever hold Stevens existence with me andfor the rest of my life I will search for moments of Him...
Steven, I hope you're happy, safe, warm & with family. Mama Loves You So Much.
Mom
August 19, 2020
I Miss & Love You So Much
October 20, 2019
Time becomes insignificant in so many ways now.There are no rules for grieving andI'm not going to lie to you, it will never be okay. It will never become easy. The sorrow of losing my Son will never lessen. What I can tell you is that it has changed. I've learned to survive and live around the pain and emptiness. It's not always suffocating and debilitating as it was... I learned, if you refuse to give up, you will find life again in your own time. The colors will never be as vivid as they once were, but they will return to your world one day. Time has never been my friend but instead, my teacher. I follow my heart. No one else knows what I need. When it feels raw like right now, I simply breathe and do whatever it is that will get me to thenext moment. Nothing more. It is breath by breath and moment by moment right now....
There is no time limit, no right or wrong and no matter what you think sometimes, I am NOT crazy or going insane just because I live in the now. It is simply my new normal. There are many others I've met traveling this devastating road ahead of me and many more will arrive to follow behind me. They have pulled me up & forward when I have fallen with no hope.They are waiting and they are infused with the strength of a million broken hearts connected throughout time and space by a pain and sorrow that is completely sealed off from the rest of the world and all other experiences. And they remind me that if I refuse to give up, toremember that I alone am the keeper of my Sons memory and I will one day find myself taking hold of a desperate hand reaching out for help from behind me, then I will be the strength needed to pull another mother or father up and forward. But for today and for as many tomorrows my heart says is needed, I'll simply breathe and grieve...
Steven, I'm sending You Love, You are my strength.
SOMEDAY SON...
October 20, 2018
October 15, 2018
I Miss You So Much!
December 24, 2017
October 22, 2017
Mama Misses You So Much!!!
Lily Black
October 20, 2017
Love and miss you Steven.
September 10, 2017
I miss u so much...
❤
October 20, 2016
November 6, 2015
❤
November 2, 2015
Steven,
I will forever wish.... Always adore... Truly miss You... to my core... I will forever grieve...
Long for You... Wish this nightmare... were untrue. I will forever question... Wonder why... Wear my mask... and deny. I will forever wonder what life would be... If only You were here with me. I will forever cry... endless tears... That have not lessened... In all these years
Deep in my heart Your spirit lives, Your laughter I still hear, Your smile I still see, You'll forever be my little man.
Happy Birthday
❤❤❤
October 19, 2015
Steven,
I only have a picture now, a frozen piece of time, to remind me of how it was, when You were here, and mine.
I see Your smiling eyes, each morning when I wake, I talk to You, and place a kiss, on Your handsome face.
How much I miss You being here, I really can not say, the ache is deep inside my heart, and never goes away.
I hear it mentioned often, that time will heal the pain, but if I'm being honest, I know it will remain. I need to feel You constantly, to get me through the day,
I Love You so very much, why did You go away?
The angels came and took You, that really wasn't fair, they took my one and only Son, my present, my future, now there...
If only they had asked me, If I would take Your place, I would have done so willingly, leaving You this world to grace.
You should have had so many years, to watch Your life unfold, and in the mist of this, watch me, Your Mom grow old!
I hope You're watching from above, at the daily tasks I do, and let there be no doubt at all, how much I do Love You.
Missing You Always
October 19, 2015
for both our sons.
Lily Black
August 12, 2015
Just stopping by to say I love. Tell your cousin Julio I love and miss him with all my heart.
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© Lily Hernandez-Black
October 2008
The Day You Left Us.
For my nephew Steven Jackson Stafford 11/02/1993-10/20/2004
Also for my son Julio Black. January 1, 1973 - April 27, 2015
The day you left us was heartbreak and sorrow.
The day you left us we saw no tomorrow.
The day you left us we didn't understand.
The day you left us God had you by the hand.
The day you left us your family came together.
The day you left us we remember you forever
Stephanie Ferguson
October 20, 2014
I love you. I miss you. Always.
Lily Black
October 20, 2014
Missing you
Boise Idaho in the winter
October 20, 2014
I see your face in my kitchen, in my wallet everyday. sometime I talk to you and try to imagine talking to this very young adult man. Same face, but just older. We all miss you so very much Steven. Love you forever my dear Nephew.
Aunt Lily & Uncle David (Boise Idaho)
October 19, 2014
They say time heals everything, your heart will somehow mend. You'll learn to live without Him, this pain will come to an end. No longer will your tears flow, again your smile will shine. While others claim your over it.. They'll simply think you're fine. As years move on around you... Denial as your friend. You'll learn to keep grief hidden, an expert...you'll pretend. You'll smile while your heart aches, laugh right through your tears. You're proficient in your grieving, you've had practice through the years. You've found coping skills to guide you, life lessons learned within. Through years, you now see clearly...
Grief is just a mortal sin.
It is unbearable. I miss Steven so much.
The pain doesn't go away...but I've learned to cope.
I carry it with me as I carry my memories and love for my Son. Sometimes, the love and the memories push their way forward and I can smile and be thankful for all that I had when He was here. Other times, the pain takes over and I can think of nothing else. I still see Steven in other boys His age...I have to look twice sometimes,
I guess it is just wishful thinking.
Missing someone you love isn't just about how long it's been since you have last seen them or the amount of time it has been since you last talked. It's also about that very moment when you are doing something and you wish that they were right there with you.
I Miss & Love You so much Steven.
Tina Jackson
October 13, 2014
How?? I ask myself that a lot. How does she function? How does she go through every day? How does she stay so strong? I question this all the time.. Because I don't think I could be as strong as her. I think I would just become weak. But no.. She is the strongest woman I know! Even when I know she is hurting.. She puts on that brave face.. That confident attitude...and I know it's because of him. I believe he gives her that strength. He gives her that will to keep going through each day. It's been 10 years since he has been gone. I miss him madly!! Before I had lots of sadness. But now the sadness is anger. I don't kno why.. The last 2 years I get angry when I think about things. Angry that she and all of us have to not have him here with us. In body anyway. I know he is with all of us. Especially her. I just wish I could take all the hurt away from her. And not be angry about him not here. I guess we all go through this differently. I'm just glad we all get to get through this together. I love you Steven.. Thank you for all her strength
October 9, 2014
Steven, I start to miss You more with the seasons changing. My heart gets heavy again like in early bereavement. Just like the seasons, my grief is constant and changing, but more or less I know what to expect. The heaviness comes and goes. My love for You is forever present. I never knew how much you could miss someone, not until YOU left.
.....I miss You.
Tina
June 27, 2014
Sitting at the dinner table tonight... I happen to glance over at a picture of you. Sadness overwhelms me . And all I can think in my head is... Why?? After all these years I've tried not to think about that question.., why? But for some reason when I looked at your picture tonight that's all that came to mind. Maybe someday I'll get an answer. Maybe not. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I miss you so much!! And I am so proud of your mother.. She is the strongest woman ever! And I kno she gets that strength from you!! I don't kno how she does it... All I can think of it's because of you! You give her strength. Your memory and life lives inside all of us. I kno I may have my moments of sadness and cry. But memories of you make me smile and proud to have had you in my life. You will never be forgotten!! I love you
June 13, 2014
If we did not survive, who would remember our Son, Brother, Grandson, Nephew, Cousin? Who would see Him in their mind's eye? Who would remember His smiles and laughter? Who would remember how His hugs felt? Who would pass on memories? I cannot think of anyone who could do Him justice the same way we can. No one can do this other than those who are closest to Steven. It is my duty to Steven to survive. A duty I take very seriously considering my three children. I find the strength to survive and do what I must do to make sure the world remembers, that He made a difference.
Goodbyes hurt when the story is not finished, and the book has been closed.
~ I Love You Steven...
Wahneta Logue
February 25, 2014
"YOUR" light will forever shine in my heart. <3 <3
February 12, 2014
Steven, I want you to know that I am a Successful Grieving Mother :)
I have successfully continued to breathe, to get out of bed, get dressed, eat, shower, shop, cook, do laundry, take Sammie to & from school, participate in family functions, help others with this or that, work, decorate a grave, light candles, and probably more that I just can't think of at this moment. I have earned my stripes as a grieving Mom. I have gone through days, weeks, months and now years, without You. I have cried a bazillion tears, felt my heart break over and over each day, had my world shaken and torn apart, leaving me on a journey I did not ever want to take. But I have continued to go forward into each new day, giving it my all, and telling myself that I am strong, because if I were not, then I would not be telling you this in the first place. I can do this... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I will make it through another day, one day at a time and for each day I make it through, I am that much closer to being with You again.
I have been blessed with a team of Angel Moms that support me, hold me up when I can't walk by myself, or when I don't want family to see me break.
I have learned to forgive, I have been taught patience, acceptance, and that love goes on, way beyond this universe, it transcends all that we can imagine. I am still here, still alive, for whatever reason, I have a purpose (besides your sisters, still not exactly sure what it is), and like reading a book, you don't spend hours reading and get three quarters into it and then just throw the book away, no, I am going to finish my book and see how it ends, because I believe I am the author of the next chapters, and it can be as exciting or boring, sweet and meaningful as I make it. I will bring the love of my children with me each step of the way, and remember that I am who I am because of my children, and to throw that away would be a dishonor to all that my kids gave to me. I have successfully held on to the hope of being with all my loved ones once again, and when I do, I will tell You and the others what I have learned and what I did with it in their absence. I am mastering this grieving thing, I can cry one minute, and smile the next, I can put on a happy face even when I don't feel like it and participate in this life. I am a successful grieving Mother...Today.
~Always Missing You
desperately
January 6, 2014
12/31/13
Steven,
Every year that passes makes it seem more final.
I try to remember Your life and not dwell on You being gone.
This past month I feel like crying all the time, and I don't want to do anything. But I know it will pass.
Today, I will try to get some cleaning done (probably won't happen).
I like walking the beach, watching the waves as they can be big or small, is the tide up or down just like my emotions can be. While the world is spinning I am still in my own world doing the best I can….whatever it is. If I need rest, I rest. I give myself more time to feel and think and that is ok. It's part of MY process on this journey.
I should make myself get out of the house. Getting out and around people usually makes me feel better, although sometimes I feel more alone. I won't go to that party I was invited to, I want to stay home with your sister. I do wish I could give Heather a tight hug as she leaves for her night out. I want her to have a good time although I'll worry til the next time I see or hear from her.
Thinking of You smiling, helps me smile.
Tonight, maybe I'll watch a movie, read a book or journal :)
If I stay awake.
If I feel like it, I'll answer my phone. But I can't say,
"Happy New Year"
I feel like I'll choke if I do. I do wish a happy and peaceful year for all and for myself. I'll remember how honored I am to be Your mother, forever.
Steven, I Love & Miss You Always
Steph
December 25, 2013
Merry Christmas in Heaven Steven. I'm grateful you are watching over NaNa but I do wish you were still here with us. Our family, our holidays, our lives will never be the same and will never be complete without you. We love you and miss you terribly.
Tina Jackson
December 22, 2013
It's that time of year again.. Xmas.. Has never been the same since you've been gone. And it never will be. I enjoy the time with the family cause we always have fun together. But there is always this feeling I get that it's just "off". But I will try to not let it get to me. I know you are always with us. Just miss that sweet face! Those off the wall remarks that would come out of your mouth.. Never a dull moment with you! I love you Steven! Merry Christmas in heaven!
Wahneta Logue
December 20, 2013
Steveman, as Christmas time nears...you always come to mind, but I know deep in my heart you must be celebrating Christmas with God and what a glorious time that must be!! You will always be in my heart, thoughts & prayers. Continue to watch over your dad, mom & sisters <3 MISS YOU, love you, Grandma
November 2, 2013
Steven, when You first left I couldn't get enough pictures of You. I wanted to look at all of them, all the time. Then there were times when I couldn't bear to look at any pictures of You- it was just unbearable. Now I am at a point when I would just like to/NEED to see a NEW picture of You. I am tired of the old pics I want to know what my Son looks like NOW!!! I so wish we could make new memories and treasure them in pictures.
You will be in my heart forever and I miss You every minute of every day.
Happy Birthday Son...
Steph
November 2, 2013
Happy Birthday Steven! Today marks your 20th and I can't help but to wonder what would've been and what should've been. As the girls grow older and have new experiences it brings back the harsh reality of how short your time was with us and how much we would have loved to see you grow into a young man. We love you and miss you terribly. Happy Birthday in Heaven
October 21, 2013
Hey Steven,
Sharing with You my answer to this ?
Has "time" healed you?
If not, what has "time" done?
“Time” has gone by, but not healed.
As times goes on we learn to adapt to the loss.
It never lessens within... we learn coping skills.
I don't think a parent can ever heal from their child leaving them before their time.
For me, time goes on as life goes on, but not one day goes by that I don't think about Steven. It has now been 9 years that He has not been here.
My life did go on, as hard as it was and “time” can maybe help with the pain & sorrow as you learn coping methods, but for me, I don't expect to be "healed" by just being able to keep moving on with life.
One of the things I have learned along this journey is that no “time” truly makes a difference although we learn to keep it in a place where we can "go on" with our lives.
I say that lightly because I do not want those who are new to this journey to ever think that we "get over" the loss of a child. We do however, find a way to smile again... laugh again... live again .. all the while carrying our loved one right along side of us.
I think that with “time” we learn to cope, but grief remains a wound with a scab and at the most unpredictable and sometimes predictable times the scab opens and the wound bleeds just like it did in the beginning. I definitely have developed coping strategies that work for me most of the time, and the days are easier now than they were in the first 4 years, but sometimes something very small can bring me to my knees. Then there are days when I just simply have to give in to my grief.
My family has been absolutely amazing since the beginning!!!
I think their support has helped more than “time”.
Steph
October 20, 2013
Steven,
Another year has passed and so much has happened. I used to wonder if you knew what was going on, especially with the girls. I don't wonder anymore. I know you're with us, with them. I know you and Grandpa Steve keep us safe. I know you were with Britney on that horrible day. I know you are watching over NaNa. Thank you for being our angel. We love you and miss you always.
Tina Jackson
October 20, 2013
I love and miss you so much!
Mom
October 19, 2013
I Love You,
I Miss You.
Alex
October 19, 2013
It's nuts how many emotions can fill you all at once..
Steven... Life without is so different.
We both were so young and I tried to understand it the best I could when I was younger.
&& As the years have passed and I'm older now, I still won't understand why you were taken from us.
I love you so much more than I could ever explain..
But I won't ever be able to explain the feelings I feel each year.
But no matter what I will continue to be strong.
Each of us being strong in our own ways.
To my beautiful auntie Sabrina:
I love you so much.
It really makes me smile to know how strong you are.
It makes me stronger.
And I know I can always look up to you
I miss you so much Steven.
October 18, 2013
October 16, 2013
The last few days have been so painful. Why does the date looming over me cause such pain? I know Steven is gone, why does the one year mark coming up hurt so much?
I keep trying to reason with myself, but no amount of reasoning is working. This is actually MORE painful than very early on and I did not think that was possible, it's like a slap in the face, a reminder He is not here. That reminder is not necessary, I'm aware of it everyday, hour, minute and second. I want to skip October and November. I just don't know how a person can endure this much pain and survive it. Every part of me is in pain.
I miss Him. I miss His face, His smile, His voice... EVERYTHING! I miss my life with Him physically in it.
How could another year have passed without Him?
My little man….
STEVEN!!!!!!!
My heart hurts for YOU.
The angelversary date brings me back to square one.
The anticipation of that date can be worse than the actual date. Memorial dates are blatant reminders that YOU are not with us here on earth.
I Love and Miss You so much
~Mom
Tina Jackson
October 16, 2013
I hate this month... I hate that day.. I hate that my sister still hurts. I hate that I can't take her pain away. I hate that you were taken away from all of us! I hate that I feel angry... I miss you so much Steven! I love you! And I'm glad you are in a place where there is no anger or hurt. Just peace and love.. And I hope you feel the love from all of us left behind.
October 14, 2013
Well Steven, now it's going on 9 years without You and it still sucks. I wonder if You knew how much You would be missed, not just by me but by so many people. We have been heartbroken since You've been gone.
I am full of guilt and no matter how hard I try,
I can't forgive myself. I know You don't want me to be so sad and dwell on all the mistakes I have made. I know You forgave me a long time ago but I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. I hope that Your spirit is soaring free and that You are safe & happy.
I will always love You my precious Son.
March 10, 2013
Steven please continue to watch over Britney. She knows you were with her. Stay with her and let her feel your presence. Thank you for being with her. I love you.
Tina
March 9, 2013
Steven i know you were with Britney thursday... i know you saved her. Please watch over her and keep her healthy and safe. You truely are an angel! I love and miss you so much!!
February 19, 2013
The truest words of all Steven:
I will not forget YOU.
YOU are in my waking thoughts,
my sweetest memories, my dearest dreams.
I will not forget YOU.
YOU have touched my soul, opened my eyes,changed my very experience of the universe.
I will not forget YOU.
I see YOU in the flowers, the sunset,
the sweep of the horizon and all things that stretch to infinity.
I will not forget YOU.
I have carved YOU on the palm of my hand.
I carry YOU with me forever.
I love YOU everywhere YOU are.
January 1, 2013
Steven,
To honor You...
I get up everyday, take a breath,
and start another day
without You in it.
To honor You...
I laugh and love with
those who knew Your smile
and the way Your eyes twinkled with
mischief and secret knowledge.
To honor You...
I listen to music You liked,
and sing at the top of my lungs
with the windows rolled down.
To honor You...
I take chances,
say what I feel,
hold nothing back,
risk making a fool of myself
and dance every dance,
You are my light,
my heart,
my gift of love,
so everyday, I vow to make a difference,share a smile,
live, laugh, and love.
Now I live for us both.
November 26, 2012
She did it Steven :)
Steph
November 2, 2012
Today I choose to celebrate. I celebrate the very short time we had with you because I cherish the times when our family was complete. Those were the best times. I feel sorry for those who will never know you. I miss you. I love you. Happy Birthday!
November 1, 2012
I always made a "big fuss" over birthdays, a party, cake, family and presents. Never enough balloons. The day was always, always special. Now that You're gone...... The day is still "special", just so different now. There are no fun parties or presents anymore. It wasn't anyone's choice. No one ever wanted it to be this way. But it's the way we have to do it now. Of course, I always go visit and stop to talk for a while, I take You decorations and fresh new flowers. But it's so gloomy now, without Your handsome face, warm smile and the wonderful laughs You always gave us. I have to be content to hope that You are having a good time, up there in heaven with all the other angels....
and that You're having a huge wonderful party, more awesome than anything we could ever give You.
That thought always makes me smile....for a second.... and then I go back to missing You, wishing you were somehow here again
So I could give You hugs
And kisses
And presents.
Happy Birthday, Steven
You're always in my heart and thoughts....
Until I see You again
Love Always,
Mom
Tina
November 1, 2012
Happy Birthday Steven! I love you! This is your day!! I miss you!
October 30, 2012
Birthdays are the days that our children love. The day that each came to us, the day that they love to hear about again and again, the day that family tradition for celebrating our child's birthday held annually until the birthday kid asked for a change. Steven proudly declared November 2nd “Stevens Day!!!" so much that we commemorate it for Him. Sometimes in a tiny way but at other times in a more embellished way. His being here with us for almost eleven years has me remembering past birthdays with the joys and occasional glitch in the day. Now I write my "Steven" memories in my journal, laughing at the happy remembrances and sobbing that they did not continue. There is no road map to my behavior or thoughts…
Any day of missing my Son carries its own significance. Just as I've passed Stevens memorial day October 20th, now I must move through His birthday 13 days after the worst day ever.
As His birthday approaches….. these days leading up to important days are still so damn hard. I have a difficult time around this time of year. Time has taught me that I can do it. If only one day at a time. It's been 8 years since Steven left. In my minds eye, I see Him and hear Him so clearly. Sometimes grieving seems harder if the day is one of "the" meaningful times, at other times, I simply can't get a grasp on my feelings just because I can't. Then, I somehow lift myself a bit, jut out my chin, and time moves on to let the deeper pain recede enough for me to function and be a part of the world around me. At certain moments, though, I can do nothing other than give into my hurt, Steven is never forgotten and is always loved.
I still attend gp meetings because there, we are all in the same boat. All the parents there, and their stories have been an inspiration to me. Some of them bearing a greater burden and sorrow yet most have a story of recovery. When I thought I couldn't make it in earlier bereavement I drew a lot of strength from the group and the members there. I can't thank that group enough. Very selfless group of people.
Jennifer Damian
October 23, 2012
Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don't tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don't tell me to face the fact he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say his name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.
I love you Sabrina.
Lily Black
October 22, 2012
Emeline, what part of Boise do you live. I live in Boise, not far from the fairgrounds I am Steven's Great Aunt. His Grandma Irene is my sister.
Emeline "Sissy lala",
Boise, Idaho
Contact Me
Emeline "Sissy lala"
October 22, 2012
No words can describe I love you baby brother forever and longer I wish everyday I could just hold u one more time with it arms wrapped around me I love you baby brother so much there aren't words...
October 20, 2012
Steven,
I would do ANYTHING. Anything in this world to just have one moment with You. Just to hold You and tell You I love You. Some days it is just too hard. Too raw. Too tender. When I think I am ok, it is then, I realize I never will be. I get from taking my good days for granted, then I am crushed by a day like today. Nothing special about today. It isn't any different than yesterday.
I missed You then and I miss You now, as I will forever. There is no closure... Closure to me would mean that I could wipe the slate clean... never have another thought about it...
That will never happen. I will forever miss You Steven!!!
If closure means moving on and leaving the memory of You behind, then I know I will never have closure. Steven You are a very significant part of me, and I will carry You along for the rest of my life journey. You reside within my heart, and as such You will never be "gotten over." You being gone cannot be resolved, neither can my grief over the void in my family. To resolve, to let go, to move on, means denying my family history. Not only does that diminish You, it diminishes who I am and my place in the world . . It is perfectly normal to search for a continued connection with You. It is neither pathological or dysfunctional to think about You, to miss You, and to talk about You . . .
Once I started thinking about the word renewal and all its connections, I felt a sense of calm. I was able to ease my internal struggle over our society's perception that death is something to be gotten over. I could invest my energy in discovering not only how to incorporate the “accident” experience into my being, but also some life lessons. I could actively look for ways to honor and memorialize You.
For me, the best I can hope for is some form of acceptance. It has been 8 years since You left and I know that the way I grieve has changed. Most of the time I am able to use my learned coping skills, reinforced with my tight mask and make it through the day. Some days I am not and now on those days I simply take off my mask stay at home and grieve. There is never going to be closure until the day I am reunited with You.
You have no visible presence in the world, but I do. My thoughts, my actions, and my words can ensure that You will not be forgotten. I am able to explore and appreciate things in a new way and no longer believe in coincidence . . . It wasn't until I finally stopped intellectualizing and questioning the possibility of a spiritual connection with You that I was able to accept the warm certainty of Your presence.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, Love leaves a memory no one can steal" I miss you Son, with all my heart and soul!!
Steph
October 20, 2012
I don't like to focus on this date. This date feels like a slap in the face. A cruel reminder of the moment our family was torn apart. But we don't just feel it once a year. We feel it everyday. Every memory since then has been scarred because a piece of our family puzzle is missing. All we can do now is pray that you are some how, some way still with us. Sometimes I think I feel your presence and I tell myself it's real cause I want so bad for it to be. I tell NaNa that you are with her because in my heart I know that you are. You would never leave your partner in crime. Please keep her safe. We all love and miss you so much.
Lily Black ~ Aunt
October 19, 2012
Because we love you and miss you very much. Some say it's time to let go. But really, who can? It's not easy.
tina
October 19, 2012
there is not a day that goes by that i dont think about you. you are severly missed by me and your whole family. please watch over your mom and let her feel you in her heart forever. i know she already does.i hope you can feel and see how much you are missed and LOVED so very much!! you will ALWAYS be in my heart! I love you Steven!
tina
October 16, 2012
anger... anger is what i am feeling this year, angry that you are gone.. angry that i cant take my sisters pain away! angry that our family will NEVER be the same again...angry that i cant bring myself to your grave. i want to stop feeling this way but dont know how. i just miss you so much! i love you steven!
October 3, 2012
Dear Steven, I Love and Miss You more than I can begin to describe. There is so much regret on Your last day on earth.
I am still torturing myself with “if I would of” or “I should of“...that You would be with us today. I know it will not bring you back to us. So thank you for all the precious years we had together, wish there were more, I cherish them always and forever. Be happy in heaven and try to send me a sign. You're in my heart and You're with me wherever I go.
Fly high My Handsome Angel.
Mama Loves ans Misses You!!!
PS…
Please continue looking after Nana . . . .
August 27, 2012
Steven,
Maybe God gives You glimpses down here every now and again and You see us? I don't know but maybe You know Nana joined the Marines? This is a life changing experience for her considering her life will be changed upside down physically and mentally so if at all possible can you maybe help guide her through the next 3 months? Sometimes, like right now, I can feel a presence around me. I don't know if it is You, or angels? But I feel it very strong. I feel at peace and at some point Nana will need this/YOU.
:) I Love You Steven
June 2, 2012
Hey Steven,
No matter how many years go by those "tears" come & I never know when it will happen. Sometimes I feel I hold them in for so long (and have learned how to do so)... then the smallest thing can set me off. For example, Nana & Alex graduating. I am extremely proud & happy for them both. My issue is this is suppose to happen after you, AFTER.
I want to see you in your cap & gown, with my camera snappin away like I did with Heather & Britney. But this is out of sync, not how its suppose to be. I ran from Nanas prom (i know you're not happy about that), out of sight out of mind.
Honestly I have gone on many drives alone in my car pulled over and just let out a gut wrenching scream followed by an ocean of tears. I know it sounds crazy but it gets some of that energy and emotion out. Usually I feel so much better after a good cry.
I'm sitting here remembering how different holidays & family events use to be. All the preparations and planning. Now I just try to fly under the radar and get through them, most of the time I try not to attend or participate in any holidays or events.
Holidays and family traditions will never be the same. Now, we will always remember the birthday of the one who is gone, and the anniversary of His death is forever branded in our hearts.
We mourn not only losses in our own futures, but YOUR unlived future as well. When I attend graduations, birthday parties or weddings, I ache for YOU being deprived of those rites of passage. How can I attend these ceremonies without feeling victimized? The way out of victimization I know is this:
I must eventually come to see my own mourning process as a personal rite of passage. I am being initiated into a different life with new perspectives.
I Love You Steven
p.s. i know you were there at both :)
May 9, 2012
Geez Steven, it's only Tuesday and I'm starting to lose it already.
You wouldn't believe how many people have asked "what are you doing for Mothers Day?" I want to scream at them NOTHING!!!
I just want this weekend to hurry up and be over with because its just a slap in the face that you're gone & I wont be seeing you…… yet I need to be considerate for your sisters because I love them just as much. So far its not getting easier.
I hate when u try so hard not to cry then your eyes sting from wiping all the tears away.
I miss you Steven. It still hurts the same.
Still waiting for it to fade.
But I think its just a game I play.
My head hurts from all the thinking, wondering, and whys.
When I hear of someone dying I'm not so sad.
I think they're “lucky” they get to now see the ones they love & miss???
I Love You Son :)
~Mom
March 16, 2012
Steven,
When I look up to the sky...and wonder where you are.
Can you see me?
If I could just climb up to heaven,
I would hug you and tell you how much I Love and Miss You!
January 7, 2012
O.K. Steven, this is my New Year Resolutions I want to share with you :)
I will grieve as much, for as long as I feel like grieving, and I will not let others put a time table on my grief.
I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should not be behaving.
I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should be "brave" or "getting better" or "healed by now."
I will talk about you as often as I want to, I will not let others turn me off just because they can't deal with their own feelings.
I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, only those who have lost a child can possibly know how it feels.
I will try not to blame myself that you're not here. I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could possibly have done.
And when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grieving process and it will pass.
I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is necessary.
I will communicate with you at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, I won't feel compelled to explain this communication to others, to justify or even discuss it with them.
I will know that I am not losing my mind, and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy, and a sense of vulnerability are all normal parts of the grieving process. I will know that I will heal, even though it may take a long time, even a lifetime. I will let myself heal and not feel guilty about feeling better. I will remind myself that the grieving process is an indirect lengthy journey - that is, I will not make steady upward progress. And when I find myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that "slipping backwards" is also a normal part of the grieving process and these moods, will pass. I will know that I will always be in the grieving process until we are together again. Even though you are not here, I will opt for life, knowing that is what you want/told me to do.
I Love You Steven,
Happy New Year in Heaven
Jessica
December 26, 2011
Steven,
I will always remember you. every year that goes by and i get older, i can't help to wonder what you would be like now. we only new each other for a short time in school but you have forever impacted my life. i can't say if you were still here if you would still be in my life. we were only children when you were taken away from this world much to soon, and now that i am a mother myself i can now realize the pain your family must be in. i still remember hearing the news for the first time, i remember going door to door even in the rain collecting anything i could to help with your funds. i know your in a good place now where ever you are, and i just wanted to let you know you have forever effected my life. you have showed me how short life is and to cherish every moment you have with the people you love and for that i thank you. you will always be missed!
December 25, 2011
Steven,
Another Christmas Day . . . 2011
I make it to the cemetery; I park where I can see your grave. I sit in my car & just look & wonder why?
I try to be strong, I try to be brave.
I feel pain in my heart as I approach & see your name, your face in stone. I stand there helpless and once again, I feel so alone. I brush off any grass as I fight the tears, Telling myself, telling you, I can't believe you have been gone for seven long years. I think of all the holidays we have missed with you over all these years, I cry so hard because I can't stop the never ending tears. People say it will “get better over time”, I wish it was TRUE. People who say these things do not see me standing in the cemetery, missing you.
Another Christmas Day without you,
my handsome Son.
Another Christmas Day wishing I could change the past so you would still be here with me/us.
We keep you in our thoughts and prayers each and every day, you are forever loved.
~ mama misses u
Merry Christmas in Heaven
December 18, 2011
Dear Santa,
You don't have to come to our house, we wont be having Christmas anymore.
There will be no decorations, no joy will fill the air.
But could you stop by Heaven and let Steven know he is remembered and so very loved.
He really loves the Christmas season. He loves the family, presents and the treats.
I love the magic in his eyes as he said goodnight on Christmas Eve, then the twinkle in his eyes when he woke up on Christmas morning.
In fact Santa I love everything about him and if you can, my only wish for Christmas would be, to hold him close and have him home with me.
As I write this letter to express my only wish, Santa please remember I have just one gift on my list
His smile, His laughter, His hugs and kisses too
Dear Santa, I am begging you to make my wish come true
I haven't been quite perfect, I've tried the best I can
But seeing you are Santa, you might just change this plan
Most days I wake to sorrow, pain that I can't escape
Dear Santa I am asking, could you bring Him back before I wake?
Could you find it within your warm kind heart, to bring him home for Christmas, so we won't be apart.
Christmas is the season, where wishes do come true
If anyone can do it, shouldn't it be you…
~Otherwise Santa, could you please wish him a Merry Christmas from his Mom who misses him so
November 28, 2011
Hi Steven,
I feel like I act and pretend 95% of the time around everyone. It has been 7 years and I guess I am at the stage where most people expect me to be "over it" I never try to explain to them that I am not or do I feel the need to let them know I will never be over it - What good would it do? Last night driving home from work after a long day, I completely lost it in my car. I have many grief rooms but I think I'm most comfortable in the car. I always think of you when I'm driving and my eyes fill with tears. I was feeling so tired, so tired of sadness and worry, so tired of trying to fake that I‘m “fine“. Just freakin tired. Many times I have had to pull over but it's the safest place to be where I know that no one will see me crying and ask me "what's wrong?" I think grieving parents are as good at acting as any hollywood actor/actress. Most days I just float by and don't think about things. I think this is the only way I can protect my sanity. People just don't get that I can still be crying for you. Imagine how surprised they would be to know that I still long for you presence. You do know I will never let you be forgotten.
I Miss You Son.
October 20, 2011
To my handsome nephew, How we miss you each and everyday.
Love Aunt Lily
Tina Jackson
October 19, 2011
Miss you sooo much!! wish i could have just one more hug.there is not a day that goes by that u are not in my thoughts.i show Elin your pictures all the time,and tell her all about you. i love you Steven!!
October 11, 2011
HI MY HANDSOME SON,
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU TODAY WALKING IN THAT SPECIAL WAY THEN REALITY SET IN AND I KNEW IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN BUT FOR THE BRIEFEST MOMENT I WAS ABLE TO PRETEND AND THINK OF ALL THE GREAT THINGS THAT REALLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN BUT A BRIEF MOMENT TO PRETEND WAS ALL I WAS ALLOWED AS THE BOY WHO LOOKED LIKE YOU WALKED INTO THE CROWD I WANTED TO FOLLOW HIM GET A GLIMPSE, MAYBE A HUG BUT I KNEW IT WASN'T YOU THE ONE I TRULY LOVE SO I WIPED AWAY MY TEARS AND SLOWLY WALKED AWAY MY BROKEN HEART WAS ACHING BECAUSE I THOUGHT I SAW YOU TODAY
~MOMMY MISSES U
August 29, 2011
Steven,
I hope you are having an awesome time at this very moment, beyond comprehension to us here.
But I miss you, my Son, and will until I see you.
I wish God would allow for me to get a glimpse of you, maybe in some way He will.
Maybe God gives you glimpses down here every now and again and you see us? I don't know but maybe. We who are left have so many questions. That will most likely stay unanswered until we get there.
I pray for your safety, for angels and your family there to keep watch over you. And as a mother I am thinking I don't pray hard enough or long enough (and none of us really do). No,God is in control of everything and he allows things to happen that we just don't understand. I don't understand why you had to leave me but I do hope I will see you again.
We will be asking WHY for as long as we live I suppose. Why did this have to happen to you?
You always had so many questions about the bible and I never really had any answers.
Now you can go directly to the One who knows all the answers. Face to Face with the Lord.
And I am sure by now Grampa has taken you under his wing? he has been there almost 19 years in earth time and is probably teaching you the ropes right now. And Uncle Louie ... well he hasn't been there all that long but ... he probably wants you to show him everything you have seen so far.
Steven, I miss you so very much. My life will never be the same and it hurts worse everyday. I am told things will get better but I don't see how.
Sometimes, like right now, I can feel a presence around me. I don't know if it is you, or angels? But I feel it very strong.
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU! And I will be hurting for a long, long time...
Well Steven, I just wanted to let you know I am always going to be thinking of you and will talk with you often. It has been a tough journey here without you... but God is able?
I am not...and I will see you soon.
LOVING AND MISSING YOU ALWAYS....MOM
July 29, 2011
Hi Steven,
I have some things to get off my chest
Simply put . . . I really miss you
I’ve continued to ask why?
Life took this dreadful wrong turn
Now I often sit and cry
Simply put . . . My heart is broken
Most people have no clue
Unless they live this heartache
They don’t know what I’ve lived through
Simply put . . . I long to hug you
Share a gentle warm embrace
Often spend each day just wishing
This truth could somehow be erased
Simply put . . I can remember
The last time I heard your voice
Memories are often painful
I was not given any choice
Simply put . . . I know I’m grieving
It hasn't got better through the years
I have learned some coping methods
To get me through these years
Simply put . . . I’m good at masking,
Denying what I feel
I know deep down inside me
I will never truly heal
Simply put. . . I really Miss you
No one knows the pain I bear
Simply put . . there is no reason
Losing you was just not fair
I Love You my Son
Thank You for listening
Jennifer Damian
July 27, 2011
Steven,
I lost a friend last week. He was 11 years old and his name is Nick. He crashed on his motorcycle and got hurt too bad for the doctors to fix him. We are all very sad. I was hoping you could keep an eye on him since he is new to Heaven. I think you guys would make great friends. Let him know I will look out for his mom and sister! You are missed so very much. xoxoxo <3 Jennifer
July 25, 2011
Dear Steven,I love you so much and I miss you so much! I turned seven and theres a new princess movie called Tangled the charachters is rupunzl she is a princess,flynrider is the princ,pascel is a type of a lizard and its rupunzels pet and theres a hores named maxumus.I think you will like it beacuase its kinda boyish! love your sister samantha.
July 23, 2011
Steven,
I Still Feel Your Love
I know you’re gone from this earth
You left me way too soon
But I feel your love every time
I gaze up at the moon.
Sometimes I think I hear
A whisper in the wind
It sounds as if you’ve called my name
As you send your love to me.
Sometimes I do silly things
And your laughter fills my ears
I know you’re right here with me
But I can’t see you through my tears.
I felt your hand on my shoulder
And I quickly turned to see
Visible... you were not
But I know you’re here with me.
In the night you sometimes come
To visit in my dreams
My hands go out to touch you
But you’re just out of reach it seems.
For just a flash you appear
Standing close to me
Is it just my imagination
Or is it really you I see.
Even though you’re gone from me
And you watch me from above
I long for you everyday…
And I still feel your love.
missin u, my Son
ps, u have a new "boy" cousin :)
Monique
June 13, 2011
Sending condolences from Vicksburg, Michigan
May 11, 2011
Steven, I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I wish I could open your bedroom door and find you sound asleep in your bed. I wish I could wake up and find that this is just a terrible dream. I wish for one more day, hour, minute, second to tell you I Love You! I wish for you my Son!!!! I Miss You So Much Love, Mama
tina jackson
May 6, 2011
missing you and always thinking about you. its almost mothers day. i know your mom misses you soooo much! she is so blessed to have you as a son. even though you are not here with us in body... you are with us in spirit and love
December 22, 2010
The silence of Christmas morning,
Echoes through my lonely soul.
No laughter or excitement,
Just the sound of growing old.
Growing old without my Son,
No more light upon my face.
Oh how I miss Christmas morning,
In this abandoned... silent place.
I have memories of the laughter,
And the whispering joy within,
From noisy Christmas mornings,
But the memories have an end.
His sweet life was quietly hushed,
When he left us without warning.
This one memory will always bring,
The silence of Christmas morning.
December 11, 2010
Visions of yesterday deep in my heart
When you were still here and we weren't apart
Memories of my Son from the day you were born
To the moment you left... now for you I mourn
Your smile, your laughter, so terribly missed
Each of your hugs, a goodbye, and a kiss
Never once, had I thought of such terrible pain
The one left behind ... the one to remain
After years of this grief you would think I'd be fine
Don't they say everything in life heals with time?
Tears held within, a mask placed on my face
I hide to the world what I wish to erase
Dreams for my Son will never come true
Aspirations you once so happily pursued
How is it life took this dreadful wrong turn?
How is it YOU will not ever return?
Sometimes I feel as though I'm insane
Keeping this so locked inside me... contained
I just want to scream to the world I MISS YOU!
Wish there were something I could do
I guess I will have to live life as I do
Wondering just how it is I get through
With visions of yesterday deep in my heart
When you were still here with me... and we weren't apart
I love u Son.
December 4, 2010
Steven,
Holiday season is reason enough…
For more tears & heartache, it’s terribly tough
Harder than ever with holiday cheer
One more day in another long year
I listen to songs that bring back memories
See all the lights lit up on the trees
It causes such sorrow when you are the one
left here without your handsome young Son
Looking for someone to make this wrong right
Gazing out the window all through the night
Watching while others wait for Christmas eve
Knowing full well, for your child you do grieve
Pain that is present throughout the whole year…
Makes the holiday season harder to bear
Inside I am weeping…outside just a mask
Words that have cut right down to my soul
Get over it…move on…your grief has control
I know if they lived with this loss they would be
Unfortunately able to understand me
So while I wait for Christmas with tears
I will try to remember the wonderful years
When the holidays had promise of sweet happiness
Instead of my child I so dearly miss.
xoxo
November 27, 2010
You once lived inside of me... and for almost 11 years lived with me....
Now you once more live inside of me, only this time it is in my heart.
"I miss you. I'm learning to live with the grief.
Grief is with me wherever I go and in whatever I do. Sometimes stays under control and sometimes tries to be the center of my attention. Sometimes I win and sometimes grief wins."
"Grief is an ole friend now... when he comes knocking... I just let him in and go about my business with him beside me..... he is like a nagging old man... I just work around him. Tell him I have things to get done.... come along or go away. Sometimes he lingers around and other times he goes away for awhile. I thank him for not letting me forget how precious life is. How precious each moment is. Although I HATE him for the reason we have met."
mama misses u
tina
November 25, 2010
i love and miss you!! our holidays are not the same without you. but i know you are with us always.
November 25, 2010
I love you. Happy Thanksgiving.
Love, Samantha
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Honor a beloved veteran with a special tribute of ‘Taps’ at the National WWI Memorial in Washington, D.C.
The nightly ceremony in Washington, D.C. will be dedicated in honor of your loved one on the day of your choosing.
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Should I Send Sympathy Flowers?
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What Should I Write in a Sympathy Card?
We'll help you find the right words to comfort your family member or loved one during this difficult time.
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Estate Settlement Guide
If you’re in charge of handling the affairs for a recently deceased loved one, this guide offers a helpful checklist.
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Obituaries, grief & privacy: Legacy’s news editor on NPR podcast
Legacy's Linnea Crowther discusses how families talk about causes of death in the obituaries they write.
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The Five Stages of Grief
They're not a map to follow, but simply a description of what people commonly feel.
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Obituary Examples
You may find these well-written obituary examples helpful as you write about your own family.
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Obituary Templates – Customizable Examples and Samples
These free blank templates make writing an obituary faster and easier.
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How Do I Write a Eulogy?
Some basic help and starters when you have to write a tribute to someone you love.
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