Nationality and religion both play a part in determining sympathy flower etiquette.
When it’s time to express condolences to a friend from another culture, you might not be sure what kind of flowers to send — or if you should even send them at all. In Asian cultures, flowers are often appropriate for funerals, though certain colors or types may not send the right message. There may also be a timeline for sending flowers that’s important to adhere to.
Asia, of course, spans many nations and a number of major religions, so sympathy flower guidelines for families of Asian heritage vary substantially. Below are some tips that should help you decide what to send based on the deceased’s culture or religion.
Keep in mind that for Asian-Americans, cultural traditions may be strictly observed, or they may have blended together with U.S. traditions. If you’re not sure what culture or religion the deceased was associated with, try checking the obituary for more information. If you still can’t decide what kind of flowers are appropriate, contact the funeral home, which should know the family’s preferences.
China
In China, and in much of Asia, the color white is associated with death and grief, so white flowers are always an appropriate choice. Lilies are as suitable for funerals in Chinese culture as they are in the U.S., as are white roses. Chrysanthemums in white or yellow are traditional funeral flowers as well.
When choosing flowers for a Chinese funeral, it’s very important to avoid the color red, which is a color of joy and celebration — and not in the “celebration of life” sense that we sometimes associate with funerals. Note: These same guidelines also apply to Buddhist funerals in general.
Korea
As in China, white is a color representing death and mourning in Korea, and red is inappropriate for a funeral. White and yellow mums are also associated with death. But sending a bouquet of flowers to a funeral isn’t a common choice in Korean culture.
Businesses and organizations traditionally send large funeral wreaths, but individuals aren’t expected to send flowers. A gift of money is more traditional from an individual.
Japan
Flowers are a less traditional sympathy gift in Japan, just like in Korea, and friends are more likely to send money to the bereaved family. You’re likely to see plenty of beautiful flowers at a Japanese funeral, but they’re chosen by the family to decorate the casket or graveside. Still, flowers in whites and yellows won’t be considered inappropriate if you wish to send them.
South Asia
Hinduism and Islam are the most common religions in the South Asian nations of the Indian subcontinent, including India, Pakistan, Nepal, and Bangladesh. (Sri Lanka and Bhutan are predominantly Buddhist — see above.)
If you’re attending a Hindu funeral, you’re expected not to bring flowers with you or send them to the funeral. As in Japan, you’re likely to see flowers at the funeral, but they’re chosen by the family.
If you want to send sympathy flowers to the family at home, this is acceptable but not expected. However, it’s very important in Hindu culture to wait until after the funeral and cremation to send sympathy flowers. Since flowers aren’t a traditional sympathy gift in Hindu culture, there’s no specific flower symbolism for funerals, so you can choose whatever feels right to you.
Flowers also aren’t a traditional expression of sympathy in Islam. It may or may not be appropriate to send flowers to a Muslim funeral, depending on the family’s specific beliefs. If you’re considering sending funeral flowers or sympathy flowers to a Muslim family, it’s best to check with either their religious leader or the funeral home to determine if it’s acceptable. Even if the family prefers not to receive sympathy flowers, you’re likely to see flowers that they have chosen decorating the casket at the funeral.
Southeast Asia
There’s a broad mix of religions in Southeast Asian countries like Vietnam, Thailand, the Philippines, and Indonesia. Those religions include Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, and many others. If the family is religious, it’s best to follow the lead of their religious traditions when choosing funeral flowers. If flowers are acceptable under their religion, white flowers including lilies, carnations, and mums are generally a safe choice.
Send flowers to a grieving friend
