Mary-Jane Stanley

1943 - 2020

GROTON - Mary-Jane Cosgrove Stanley, 77, died peacefully in Lawrence and Memorial Hospital on January 21, while holding the hand of her husband. Her family are grateful to the palliative care staff of the hospital for making that possible. The daughter of James Deegan Cosgrove and Jane Cox Cosgrove, Mary-Jane was born in Hartford on January 3, 1943. She grew up in Hartford, attending St. Joseph Cathedral School and Mount Saint Joseph Academy. She received her Bachelor's degree from the University of Hartford and completed graduate work at St. Joseph's College. A warm, generous person and an independent spirit, Mary-Jane made a difference for the good in the lives of countless people. Early in her life, she volunteered with Catholic Charities and with VISTA to teach in impoverished communities in New Mexico. Later, she was employed as an elementary school teacher in Ypsilanti, Michigan, and in Bridgeport, Connecticut. In 1975, taking a break from teaching, she joined her sister Priscilla in Greater Boston and ended up administering academic programs in the History Department and the Fairbank Center for East Asian Research at Harvard University. There she met her future husband Peter, whom she married in 1978. Together they lived in Watertown, MA, Northfield, MN, White Plains, NY, and Claremont, CA before retiring to Old Saybrook. In 1981, Mary-Jane gave birth to her daughter Laura. Along with Peter, Laura was the love of Mary-Jane's life. Although she had at that point many options available to her, Mary-Jane chose to put her professional career aside so that she could devote herself to being a full-time mom. No one ever did that better. Whether it was volunteering in Laura's school, watching sporting events from the bleachers, helping to make school trips possible, or simply walking Laura to and from school, she always prioritized being a mother. But never to the exclusion of others. She embraced all the members of her family with the same warmth and love. She was a happy warrior for her family. In 1991, the family moved to Claremont, CA, where Peter became President of Pomona College and Mary-Jane became first lady of the college. Though she was not someone who relished public life, she wholeheartedly embraced the informal and especially the playful side of this role, attending student and faculty events, participating in a student produced movie, and hosting members of the college or the community in her home. Her Halloween open house became locally famous. Mary-Jane's warmth, her generosity, her sense of fun, and her total lack of pretension or airs brought the best out of everyone. She was particularly supportive of the college's working staff, the secretaries, housekeepers, groundskeepers, food service employees and others, who in turn regarded her as one of their own. Wanting to retain roots in Connecticut, Mary-Jane persuaded her family to buy a small house here when they moved to California. Originally seen as a vacation home, the house in the Knollwood Beach section of Old Saybrook became their true home. She and Peter retired there in 2003 and continued to live there until 2015. Then, to accommodate Mary-Jane's needs following a stroke, the family moved to a wheelchair accessible house on the campus of the Fairview Retirement Community in Groton. Her courage during these years literally never failed her. People found it a joy and quietly inspiring to be with her. Mary-Jane was a member of St. James Episcopal Church in New London. She was active in several programs there, especially the Lord's Pantry. Her family is deeply grateful to Fr. Ranjit Matthews for his loving care and support. Mary-Jane is survived by Peter, her husband of 42 years; her daughter, Laura Stanley Hollot and her husband Nicholas of Haddonfield, NJ; two grandsons, William and Oliver Hollot; and her six siblings, Penelope Morris of Ann Arbor, MI, John Cosgrove of Pittsburgh, PA, Christopher Cosgrove of Goshen, CT, Priscilla Cosgrove of Newington, CT, Elizabeth Merrill of Coppell, TX, and Margaret Claxton of Santa Cruz, CA. Mary-Jane's burial will be private. A memorial service will take place in the future. Byles Memorial Home, 99 Huntington St., New London is assisting the family. Please visit www.Byles.com to share a memory or to sign the guestbook. Donations in her memory may be made to St. James Episcopal Church, 76 Federal St., New London, CT 06320