J.W. "Billy" Coslow

Dad
I know it's been a long time.
You would think time would start to heal my hurt and my heart but it hasnt.I still think of you everyday.I think because I lost you and Mom so close together and so young that I have just felt broken on the inside and no matter what I have done in life since just have not been able to heal my broken heart or seem to release the pain. The only way I knew how to deal with the pain was to stay completely numb on pills I have gotten off of them a...

hey papa i just wanted to tell u i love u and miss you!! theres so much i wanna tell you. JoBeth is pregnant(: and brittany is starting collage. i hope you r having fun in heaven with mimi. i want u to know u r my hero and always will be. noone will ever replace u. i know ur always with me in my heart. i love you so much papa. i have tears in my eyes writting this. i miss all the fun times we had like goin to the store and goin to work with u(: i remember the last night i wanted to stay the...

PAPA...

i wanna tell u how much i love you and miss you. i think about u all the time. i still think of u as my hero and always will. tell mimi i said hi love and miss her to. you would be a lil mad i turned into a osu fan not ou like u wanted sorry. i still dont like cobbler lol that was fun. i have so much to tell u but i dont remember it all. i started high school i am a freshmen yay!!! i still hate gettin up early. i cant wait to get a job and work hard like u did. i think when...

papa i am sorry i havent been on in awhile i will try to be on more often i love u so much i wanna cry just thinkin bout u i miss u i cant wait to see u in heaven i got a dog u would like i have changed so much since u seen me last i was a perky preppy blonde haired little girl then i went burnett then i went emo with black and purple hair now i short long hair its dirty blonde i think i wanna go burnett again. i wanna tell u everything like i do when i pray to u and god and mimi and everyone...

DAD
THERE ARE DAYS I MISS YOU MORE THAN OTHER DAYS LIKE TODAY BUT NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DONT THINK OF YOU
DAD SINCE YOU AND MOM HAVE GONE I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ALONE IN MY LIFE OR FELT SUCH DEEP DEPRESSION IN FACT I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU COULD HAVE DEPRESSION LIKE I HAVE FELT THE ONLY PEOPLE I HAVE TRUELY FELT CLOSE TO IN MY LIFE ARE NOW GONE OR NOT REALLY IN MY LIFE (U MOM GRANDMA KEVIN AND LISSA )I USE TO TELL LISSA EVERYTHING AFTER U AND MOM DIED BUT NOW THERE IS NOT THAT...

DAD
EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS GONNA HAVE A MENTAL BREAK DOWN WHEN MOM DIED AND END UP IN A MENTAL WARD,LOOKING BACK NOW I REALIZED I DIDNT BREAK DOWN AT ALL AND WHEN EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS SO STRONG I WASNT I JUST COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN AND REFUSED TO EVEN DEAL WITH MOMS DEATH SO I CARRIED ALL THAT INSIDE ME UNTIL YOU DIED AND THEN I SEEMED TO HOLD IT TOGETHER ON THE OUTSIDE BUT WAS SLOWLY DYING ON THE INSIDE AND MY WORLD AS I KNEW IT WAS SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL AND BY THE TIME ANYONE...

DAD
I KEEP THINKING EVENTUALLY SOME OF THE PAIN IN MY HEART WILL GO AWAY BUT IT DOES NOT SEEM TO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME GOES BY IT JUST DONT EASE UP OR HEAL
I STILL THINK OF YOU ALL THE TIME I CANT HELP BUT FEELING CHEATED THAT WE DID NOT GET MORE TIME TOGETHER I SO WISH YOU WAS HERE NOW NOT THAT I EVER JUDGED YOU BUT NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SOME REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES I THINK I CAN UNDERSTAND U BETTER
WITH WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS DAD I KNOW THERE...

DAD WOW TWICE IN ONE DAY GUESS U CAN TELL I AM MISSING U ALOT TODAY. I GUESS I WILL NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND WHY GOD FELT THE NEED TO TAKE BOTH MY PARENTS. I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS SO IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE UNTIL U DIED DAD AND THEN I TRIED TO ACT LIKE EVERYTHING WAS OKAY AND B STRONG AND I GUESS TO EVERYONE AROUND ME IT LOOKED OKAY BUT ON THE INSIDE I WAS SLOWLY DYING AND MY WORLD AS I KNEW IT WAS SPIRALNG OUT OF CONTROL AND BY THE TIME EVERYONE AROUND REALIZED I WAS NOT OKAY IT WAS TO LATE I WAS...

DAD I KNOW ITS BEEN ALONG TIME SINCE I HAVE BEEN ON HERE SORRY SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED IN THE LAST 2 YEARS IF I EVER NEEDED U IT HAS BEEN OVER THE LAST 2 YEARS BUT I KNOW U R ALWAYS WITH ME I MISS U MORE THAN WORDS CAN EVEN DESCRIBE THERE IS STILL A EMPTY SPOT IN MY HEART EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME THEY SAY TIME HEALS ALL BUT THAT IS NOT TRUE I DONT THINK TIME WILL EVER TAKE THE HURT AWAY FROM MISSING U
I WISH U COULD HAVE SEEN HOW THE GIRLS HAVE GROWN UP TO B REALLY GOOD RESPONSIBLE YOUNG...