Laszlo Attila Toth

Tears are too meager now,
give me a song.
A song for a sadness too vast for my heart,
for a rage too wild for my throat.

-Joanna Macy

Beyond living and dreaming
there is something more important:
waking up.

-Antonio Machado

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What does it take to wake up? To see miracles amidst atrocities? Are they not one and the same, simply reflecting the stories we project onto them?

Is it possible to...

How do I say farewell to Laci? What would I want him to know about the way in which his life has touched mine? I would say: From the time when you born I sensed that your beautiful qualities held a promise that you had much to share with us. When you were a young child I took you and Connie to the airport in Minneapolis, and, as you both were leaving the United States to join Ion in Rome, I was aware of the richness of the experiences that you were about to have in moving to another country....

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Laci

I recently found an old address book from the 80s and it had your winchester number so I called looking for you and found out this from your sister Tatiana. We haven't seen each other in person since the 90s and I can't believe that would be the last time we hung out. I love you like a brother and you taught me things about art, music and life that noone else could ever do. I miss I will never get to tell you these things now that we are all grownup and old. I wish you were here.

Ciao Laci.
Ho avuto il priviligio di conoscerti da piccolo, ospite di Ion e Connie e ho avuto la possibilita' di salutarti poco prima che volassi via. Non potevo sapere che era l'ultima volta che ti avrei visto in questa vita, e io non sono bravo con le parole.
Percio' posso solo lasciare questo piccolo segno in tuo ricordo. So solo che un giorno potró rincontrarti.
Arrivederci, Laci.

Laszlo,
you were a great person, ill never forget how we met at the bus stop and spoke about old bands. we had great times and i will never forget the last words we shared the day of new years, you toled me you wanted me to have a celtic frost patch but it hurts to know your not here to hand it to me bud, ill always remember you man. may you rest in peace! HAILS!
patch, but we never got the chance to meet up. in the end
i will always remember you by

Dear Laci (because I know, somehow, you still hear...)

Not a day goes by (still) where I don't think of you. (Often). Occasionally, now, a day goes by where I don't cry. Despite the years we sometimes lost touch, I never forgot you. Not for a day, not for a minute. Nor will I ever. You were one of the best friends I've ever had.

You were the first person who ever really understood me. You shared my love of the bizarre, the absurd, the perverted, the painfully beautiful. You...

Remembering Laci

What is it to re-member someone you loved who you know you will never see again this side of heaven? To remember is to "put them back together" in your mind´s eye. In remembering you try to comprehend what has been lost, and seek to recapture it somehow. You try to retrace the familiar contours of your relationship with your friend, your loved one, and to bridge the unfamiliar space that separates you from them now. This is difficult to do unless you share your...

Because of time and distance, in the last years I did not know Laszlo as well as those living closer to him: what he struggled with, his fears, his hopes and his pains. But I was still sufficiently close to feel that, while he struggled with many demons, his intelligence and fundamental understanding of and yearning for the world´s magnificence was always there, shining as a beacon of hope under pessimism and self doubt.

On this most difficult day, I am profoundly sorry for not being...