Steven Jackson Stafford

Steven, The main reason for this letter is I want to tell You that I thought my time was up when they found all the blood clots in my lungs and body. Quietly thought to myself, I finally get to see my Son! Thought I was ready to go be with You in heaven then realized I wasn't. Wasn't ready to leave Your sisters. I always thought I would welcome that day with open arms yet when it came knocking at my door I stepped back. Something in Sams eyes and Heathers voice made me feel like I still need...

Steven, I always hug You real tight in my dreams because I know when I wake up, You'll be gone...

Happy Birthday Steven! You are so truly missed! There is not a day that goes by that I don´t think about you. I love and miss you so much! I hope you can hear me when I´m talking to you I love you

In reality, I will grieve forever. No matter what people say I will always grieve His absence and be carried by it in whatever way it may come. Grief has built rooms inside of me that no one will ever see. Rooms with doors that only I can pass through filled with songs or silence that only I can hear. I can shout, whisper, dance or simply rest in these rooms. It's safe here with no other eyes or ears telling me how long it should take, what to do or how to do it. If I need to cry, I'll cry....

Come Back I Need You!!! Sincerely A Mother Still Grieving...

Dear Steven, can you look out for your cousin Eliza now in heaven too. You can't miss her, she's very beautiful & quite a character... of course she is, it's in the genes wink wink. If uncle Ray (her grandpa) beat you to it & found her 1st, join him in welcoming her & show her how to send signs to her mom. Take her under your wings, make her laugh & feel safe.  Thank You Son, Mama Loves You

Every year it's the same thing. November arrives and it's time to think about Your birthday. Somehow another year of life without You has passed and all that remains is the question, "What do you want to do for Stevens birthday?" What do I want to do!? The deepest pain I have ever felt is Your absence. I think this year I would like to answer honestly than I have in the past. You! I want to spend & celebrate Your birthday WITH YOU.

Some days I just sit & remember. The sting hasn't subsided & there are still days it's harder to cope. But I do. I know You're here all around me because I feel You, I even hear You when the ache intensifies & I cry. I Miss You. Your voice, Your laugh & most of all like right now, Your hugs. It doesn't get easier with time, the pain just looks different. In some ways I Miss You more now than I did when I first lost You. Missing You is not living in the past, it's loving You in the...

Some days I'm falling to the floor screaming so hard that no sound comes out but I can't stop til I get dizzy from running out of breath... It feels like a million little demons battling one single tiny angel in my brain testing to see if I'm strong enough or not to survive another year without You. It doesn't get better. It doesn't get easier. I just learn to live...to survive. These are silent battles that I fight. I fall alot, but I get back up, even if I slowly get up...I get up....