Robert Joel Stern M.D.

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Stanford University

Robert Stern Obituary

STERN M.D., Robert Joel
Passed away peacefully at home with the loving support of family, friends, and caregivers on Wednesday evening July 28, 2004. Born in Chicago on July 7, 1939, he was educated at the University of Illinois, Champaign-Urbana, and at Loyola University, Stritch School of Medicine. As a Major in the US Army Dr. Stern served as a Psychiatrist during the Vietnam War and became a resident of California in 1969. Over the years Dr. Stern served his many patients with his expertise, kindness, and humor through the mental health systems of Santa Clara and Sacramento counties, in addition to his 21 years of service at Kaiser Permanente in both regions. He was a member of the clinical faculty at the Stanford University School of Medicine, as well as serving as President of the Santa Clara County Psychiatric Association. Dr. Stern was appointed to California State Task Force on Crime Control and Violence Prevention and later helped create and participated in Physicians for the Study of Humanistic Medicine. Robert was a lifelong Chicago Cubs fan and a devotee of Stanford University athletics, and loved art, music and gardening. Robert is survived by his loving and devoted wife Barbara, sons David, Daniel, and Adam, daughter-in-law Leanne, and grandson, Joe. Also survived by a sister Judy Silver and a brother Michael Stern. He is preceded in death by both parents Maurice and Bernice (Mesirow) Stern. The family invites you to attend a memorial service Thursday, August 12 at 11am, Mount Vernon Memorial Chapel 8201 Greenback Lane, Fair Oaks, CA. In lieu of flowers donations can be made to Kaiser Hospice 2023 Morse Ave., Sacramento, CA 95825.

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Published by The Sacramento Bee from Aug. 8 to Aug. 9, 2004.

Memories and Condolences
for Robert Stern

9 Entries

David Stern

August 26, 2004

Some time has passed now since my Dad has passed away. There's definitely a huge void in everybody's lives that were close to my Dad. He had an effect on people that seems larger now than I realized while he was with us. Many stories have been told of his humor, outrageousness, kindness, caring, light-heartedness, and inellect. He was also a great Dad. He taught my brothers and I many things that we will use for the rest of our lives. I think he also passed along some of his great characteristics to all of us. Despite what many may have thought about my Dad he was a very positive thinking person. A few minutes before he was to have a critical procedure to remove his spleen he was the one comforting the familiy. He tied his "warrior" headband on and summoned the surgeon to begin.....and everything went more smoothly than we all anticipated.

For everybody that doesn't know everything that took place surrounding my Dad's illness....I promise you that he fought this illness beyond anything I could have imagined. Everyday he took what he had and used every ounce of energy to overcome the terrible things that were happening to him. Many Doctors have expressed their amazement that he made it as long as he did.

There are so many good memories that I have recalled the last 4 weeks. Many of my Dad's oldest friends have recapped stories to us that could have been fictional as far as we were concerned:

-The Rattle Snake in the Army was actually wrapped around his leg, not in his path as he crawled during a drill.......some Private had to kill it with a stick, not a gun

-He did set a Fraternity Brothers room on fire at the University of Illinois....nobody liked the guy

There are also many memories that I will have of my Dad and I alone:

-When he yelled "there it goes" after a Cub hits any ball in the air

-He used to scream "Cub's Win, Cub's Win" after every victory

-Before I moved to Sacramento he used to tell me it was 115 everyday during the summer and that if you pee'd in the pool there would be red dye that appeared

-He could have all my friends and I in stitches within minutes. All my friends in High School couldn't wait to see what he was going to do next

I'll also remember his interaction with my son, Joe. They had a real bond. I see my Dad in so many of Joe's characteristics. I think that Joe has his sense of humor and may even have a photographic memory.

He always used to announce his arrival to Joe by yelling "BABOO IS HEAR!". Then him and Joe faked eating different things like cookies. It may have even helped Joe start eating vegetables.

I really miss you Dad. For so many people You were bigger than life. You still are now. A big presence for so many people. There'll never be anybody like you again. That's for sure.

Cubs Win!

Love,

Dave

Nancy Stern

August 17, 2004

Robert J. Stern

1939-2004

My name is Nancy Stern. I am proud to say that I am David Stern's mother and one of Joe Stern's three grandmothers. I am the one he calls Nonna. I am the lucky mother-in-law of my special daughter-in-law, Leanne. Together David and Leanne have been a rock for Barbara and the boys. I am not here to speak about them, but rather about Bob.

I met Bob in 1967 when we worked together at the Illinois State Psychiatric Institute in Chicago. He was doing is Psychiatric Residency there and I worked as a Psychiatric Social Worker. We were on the same team. During Bob's Psychiatric Residency he was known to leave early in the afternoon, during baseball season, and go to Wrigley Field, sit in the bleachers, and watch the Cubs. He was the only Resident that had a suntan all summer long.

During the Vietnam War, he had to serve. During basic training Bob was crawling along the ground with bullets racing over his head. He was warned about possible rattlesnakes, and was told to shoot them. When crawling Bob saw a rattlesnake, raised his hand, as if he were in school, and asked for help. Some sergeant came over and shot it dead. Such bravery!!

During the war we were stationed at Fort Ord, California. We were against the war. Bob worked tirelessly to bring soldiers home on compassionate leave when their families were distressed by their absence.

Bob and I have been divorced for the past 30 years. It was a successful divorce in that we were able to forge a friendship and a working partnership in raising our son, David. Hillary Clinton said "it takes a village to raise a child", in our case it took four parents. Not because David required it, he was an easy child to love and raise, but because there were four of us who loved him. Bob was a wonderful father to David and I am sure to Daniel and Adam as well. Whenever I had a concern about David we would discuss it. Bob always made himself available to come to school conferences, athletic events and Birthday parties. He even went with me to interview some private schools where we were considering sending David. We discussed whether or not it was time for David to go to sleep-away camp. He was David's Dad and I could rely on him to be there. If had a medical problem, I would seek his counsel, and if he had questions about real estate, he would call me. When David and Leanne married together we happily planned and gave the dinner the night before the wedding.

When Bob became ill in January, I became very sad. He was such a bundle of energy and humor. Because of medical problems of my own, I was unable to visit with him, however we did speak on the phone. Even when he was dying, when I was recovering from a recent surgery, he called to tell me how pleased he was that things had gone so well for me. He certainly had a generosity of spirit, which I admired.

I had the good fortune of being able to visit with Bob 4 days before his death. He looked thin, had good color in his face, but didn't look like he was on death's door. He was Bob, he was not ready to die and was challenged by his situation. We did speak of death. He worried about when he was going to die. We talked about David, how proud we both are of him. What a wonderful son he has been during this long siege, not just to Bob, but to Barbara, Daniel and Adam as well. We also spoke of Leanne whose quiet strength and good food has helped sustain them. We talked about Joe and what a joy he is to us all. Bob said he never realized how much David loved him until now. He talked about how his cognitive functioning was slipping, that he couldn't figure out how to use the CD player. He told me what his day was like. He got up, ate, slept, ate again, slept again, had dinner and lay awake all night. We agreed that this was not living. We cried together about the unfairness of life, he was sad that he didn't travel more. We hugged and I kissed him on the cheek. He asked me to pray for him.

Bob is gone but he lives in our memories. I see him every time David Stern points with his middle finger or paces back and forth when he speaks on the phone. I see him the blueness of David and Joe's eyes, their sense of fun and their charisma. People want to be with them just as they did with Bob. I, too, will miss him. Once you have loved someone, you they always are in your heart.

8/12/04

Brian Schmidt

August 17, 2004

As a child growing up with his oldest son, I always enjoyed going over to Dr. Stern's home because he was funny, enjoyed sports and didn't mind a bunch of kids tearing his backyard up playing whiffle ball...within reason.

As and adult, I realize what a gift Dr. Stern had. He possessed the ability to be "one of the guys" without ever sacrificing his role as respected father figure. That's a difficult role to manage, but he seemed to do this with such ease that there's no doubt he had a gift for it.

My condolences go out to his entire family.

Stephen Jackson

August 15, 2004

Dear Bob:

As you know, we really got to know each other when we became partners at Pajaro. You were my closest "partner" of the five, and you became a close friend. We shared our second marriages and the joys of being fathers of children from current and previous marriages.

We also were partners in the "humanistic medical group," one which was far ahead of its time with the approach to caring for the whole human being. And, we got to know ourselves better, and also each other. I remember especially the akido weekend.

Bob, you were fully human and a pleasure to be with. You had a verve for life. It was infectious at times. Indeed, it was a wonderful experience to have had such good friends as you and Barbara.

It saddens me that when you moved to Palo Alto from Los Altos, and when the humanistic group concomitantly sort of faded into oblivion, that we didn't have or make the opportunities to maintain the intensity of our frienship. And, then when you moved to Sacramento, we really did lose the closeness and frequency of interaction.

Among the things that I do remember so vividly about you is your cat allergy. I recall the first of many times that you came to our house, and before you even entered the front door, you were manifesting your allergy. We always tried to vacuum up all the cat hair (we had three) before you came, but to no avail. We necessarily had to stay "outside" as much as we could. And most revealingly, we laughed at it and continued the frequency of visitation, cat allegy be damned.

I also recall, with great love, your routine playing the part of the "Great Worrier," one in which whenever there was something to worry about (of course, being Jewish fathers, we always had lots to worry about), you would put your hand to your curly head, bend slightly while looking toward the ground, and let out with your delightful "Oy"s, usually followed by a short, soft laugh. And, as you know, we really did ALWAYS have SOMETHING to worry about. In fact, I can picture you in my mind right now doing an "Oy". And we both would laugh and laugh, a secret communication that was just between you and me (another great worrier).

I was quite taken aback when you called me a couple of months ago and shared with me your travails with your serious illness. I was so honored to have been able to speak with you, actually for quite a while, and you sort of convinced me that you were doing better, and were going to be with us for at least a goodly amount of time. How terribly sad that I was mistaken, as I never had the opportunity to phone you with a "follow up."

Bob, I loved your gentleness, your kindness, your soft and reassuring voice, your sense of humor, your humanness. In fact, I love you and always will have beautiful thoughts about you. I promise, also, that I shall keep in touch with Barbara. And I wish for Barbara and your children joy, fulfillment, contentment, good health and lives filled with love and caring.

With love, forever,

Steve Jackson

Suzanne Jackson

August 14, 2004

Dear Bob,

I only remember the happy times our families shared at Pajaro. And the year Daniel and Gabrielle were born; the fights over the bean bag; Larry the lobster; our wonderful political discussions; and of course the Humanistic Medical group. I remember your caring, concern and joy in your family. You are missed.

Fondly, Suzanne

carol chesbrough

August 12, 2004

We remember Bob as a devoted father, loving husband, and a friend that was fun to be around. We will miss him and send Barbara and the family our prayers.

Cricket Poffenberger

August 11, 2004

Dear Bob,

I always looked forward to your review of the latest movie and how you adored your grandson. Even after knowing you for so long you could still tease me and I would take you seriously. You had to leave everyone way too early and you will be missed very much.

Sincerely, Cricket

A.J. Gokcek

August 11, 2004

I am really going to miss Dr. Stern. He was the father of a very good friend - but in many ways, he was "one of the guys".

I got to know Dr. Stern almost 18 years ago, and I remember the first time I met him he joked that he played LB with Dick Butkus at Illinois. Since that time, we shared many more laughs, including several pre-parties before Stanford football games, trips to Pajaro Dunes, and summer barbeques at Fair Oaks. He had the best sense of humor of any person I ever knew. You couldn't help but smile and laugh around Dr. Stern. Thanks for all the great times. I will always cherish those moments.

A.J.

August 9, 2004

He was what every physician should aspire to be - with such a boundless capacity for understanding, and appreciation that those who met him were lovingly guided, inspired, convinced of their own worth and inevitably changed for the better. The world was greatly blessed by his presence and is deeply saddened by his loss.

Sincerely,

B. Dahlquist

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