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Carlos E. Ortiz Jr.

1974 - 2006

BORN

1974

DIED

2006

Carlos Ortiz Memoriam

In Loving Memory of Carlos E. Ortiz Jr. Dec. 25, 1974 - May 7, 2006 Brother it has been 2 long years since you were taken from us. I just can't get over how time flies. I miss you so much and want you to know the family is not the same without you. Tomorrow, May 7th we will celebrate all the good times we shared. Mom, Shell and I have done a lot these last 2 years trying to make people aware of the dangers of Drunk Driving and the joys of Organ donation. Although I will be celebrating the awesome place you are at, I will be crying at the fact you are no longer here. My kids miss their uncle. Alexandria talks about you all the time and how she misses you treating her like a baby. Miguel loves to talk and wishes he could tell you all his sports stories. Well I am sure you can see I have my hands full with Matteo he is very rambunctious. Well Carlos, I basically just wanted you to know you are missed by everyone Mom, Shell, Paul, Me (your twin), Phil, Logan, Alexandria, Chenoa, Miguel, Jake, Matteo, and all of our wonderful family and all of your closest friends. Please continue to send random people who have shared an experience with you that will make our day. Love you always, Carla Andrews

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by Bakersfield Californian on May 7, 2008.

Memories and Condolences
for Carlos Ortiz

Sponsored by those left behind..

489 Entries

Tia Norma

May 4, 2022

Hi mijo how happy you must have been to see gramps and Tia Maria and uncle Danny walking in thru those gates of heaven! I can see your big beautiful smile mijo! I love you and miss you I can´t wait to join you all!!

Maria Herrera

May 4, 2021

Love you Carlos!! Sweet memories live forever in my heart!! God needed your laughter n happiness in Heaven, we miss it and God uses it! Love you..

Norma

May 4, 2021

I love you mijo you are still very missed! I know you would be so very proud of your mom and sisters and how strong they are! O and how you would have so much fun with your nieces and nephews and their kids! One day we will see each other again I love you say hi to grama and Tia Pilar and Stephanie!

Irma Boyar

October 12, 2015

Sunshine
Today a friend of mine lost her son. I feel so much pain for her. But I know that this pain is the pain that I felt when I lost you.The tears just keep falling I still miss you so much baby boy. I'm not as strong as people say I am. The feelings that I still have because of your loss are not far beneath my skin. I just won't let surface. Can you imagine, the total wreck I would be if I lived like that? You will always be with me, in my thoughts, in my heart, forever baby boy. Watch over us son, your sisters and I really need you. I love you and I miss you so much. Mom

Maria Herrera

May 7, 2015

Carlos, I was just sharing with my co worker that Sunday your Mom. Mentioned, at church, at the hospital, how strong I remember your Mom was when she asked me to go in and pray for you, ...years may pass but your smile n laughter is still so present... Love you my first born Nephew!,,

Norma Arellano

May 7, 2015

I love you mijo! Can't believe it is 9yrs today! U are truly missed by all of us!

Irma Boyar

May 7, 2015

I remember that morning, sitting in church with Maria and Lupe showing up there to tell us about the accident. Walking out in a hurry and a man running beside us praying. Driving and asking GOD to please not to let anything bad happen to you. To save you. Getting to the hospital where you had been all night by yourself. Going in with Paul to see you. Wiping a tear from your eye. Later going up to ICU and seeing ALL the people, Family and Friends, so many, the hall way with so, so many people. YOU were so loved. Everyone wanting to see you. Waiting for your sisters to arrive from their trip. And when Shell and Carla get there, Carla, your twin so angry refusing to accept any comfort. Later the news that no one wanted to hear. Today 9 years later you are still loved, still missed everyday. The years have quickly passed by but you are still alive in my heart, our hearts. NEVER to be forgotten. The heartbreak, tears and pain still there.
I miss you so much baby boy. I miss that annoying laugh of yours, that I would give anything to hear again. I miss seeing you surrounded by your sisters, your cousins, your uncle Johnny always laughing. I miss your kisses. I miss your phone calls. I miss you so very much Sunshine. Today is not an easy day for me, for us. Know, baby boy that no matter how long you been gone you will always be LOVED, always be MISSED. Until the day that GOD reunites me with you know that everyday I think of you. I love you Carlos..
Mom

Irma Boyar

June 12, 2014

Son
Almost 6 months since I last wrote to you from my heart. What else can I say except that I will never stop missing you. That not a day passes that I don't think of you. In everything that I do YOU are there. That the tears have never stopped falling. That when you left you took my heart with you. That I took your presence in my life for granted and now that I don't have you I realize just how much I truly loved you then and now, still....after eight years. Baby boy this year you will be 40 years old, I will miss the changes that would have occurred in you. Would you be more handsome now with a little gray in your hair? I'm sure you would still have inside you the ability to bring laughter, joy, and smiles to the people that love you so much, still...Son nothing in this world can ever heal my heart, my soul...I miss you so very much...
Rest in peace my baby knowing that no matter how long you've been gone you will ALWAYS live in us...
I love you Sunshine
Mom

Irma Boyar

December 24, 2013

Tomorrow, Christmas day 10:57 and 11:02 am, 39 years ago GOD blessed my life with you and your sister. I am putting on a happy face for family and friends but I am hurting so much inside because you are not here to celebrate with us. 7 years have gone by and my heartache has not subsided.I wish, I wish, I wish, but nothing can bring you back. There were so many things left unsaid. I thought I would have you forever. I miss you sunshine. I will always miss you. I will be thinking of you tomorow and ALWAYS.
Happy Birthday
I love you
Mom
Happy Birthday

Irma Boyar

August 15, 2013

Baby Boy
Today am attending our monthly class of MADD. I brought with me the guest book I ordered to choose a couple of notes that your family and friends wrote about you. I wanted to let the people that attend the class know how much you are loved and missed. I have opened the book about three/four times but as soon as I start reading my tears start to fall. I have no control over my emotions. The pain is as strong as it was those early days after you were gone. It will always be there hiding until I let it come out. All I know is that I still miss you so much. I hate being alone, or not keeping busy, my thoughts always going toward you. Maybe tonight I can save someones life by telling your story. It is always hard to stand in front of strangers and bear your heart and soul. The pain the tears that are still there after all this time. Be there with me tonight, let me make a difference, let me save a life.
I love you with all my heart that misses you still.
Mom

l. Rueda

May 23, 2013

Hey you. just thinking about you today....i do everyday...i have your pictures all over my house...lol you are a constant reminder of days gone by, my memories take me way....way back in your life a little toddler, a baby. I miss your smile and often think of what could have been. The anger has subsided....but the tears never fail to come when i just sit and chose to go to that place of grief and sorrow. why today? I'm not sure but i just needed to let you know that I love you. Give mom a hug and tell Mark....June...we will be celebrating his birthday...and it will be a very hard time for us..we miss him.
Still......I miss you......Still.

Irma Boyar

May 6, 2013

Sunshine
Tomorrow is your 7th anniversary. We are getiing together at the cemetary tomorrow evening to remember YOU. I remember everyday. You are never far from heart. You see my heart will never heal. There is a big whole that you left when you went away. Even tho 7 years have gone by your family and friends remember you often. You were a good son, brother, uncle, cousin, grandson, friend. I often hear your laughter along with your sisters and cousins laughter when we get together.
You are still greatly missed by all those that knew you and loved you. Specailly your sisters and I. Keep sending us pennies from heaven. Be with us tomorrow evening for we will all be thinking of you, my baby boy.
Forever and ever in my heart. I love you so much. Will always miss you,
Mom

Irma Boyar

March 28, 2013

Sunshine
So long since I been here. In one month it will be 7 years since you left us. To me time has not moved very much. It still seems like yesterday that I was thinking of what I wanted to say to you. I wanted to tell you that I was so proud of all your accomplishments. You lost all that weight and you were looking so handsome. Your car was finally paid
off. You had taken that real estate class and had passed it. You got a new job. Everthing looked so bright for you. I was so proud but I didn't have a chance to tell you that. I still miss you so much baby boy. My heart refuses to let you go. Maybe I should but I can't. I need you in my life son.
The other day I read that your loved ones visit you in your dreams but if you are still grieving they can't come thru. I am and will always grieve my biggest loss, YOU.
I love you Sun Shine
Your Mom

March 25, 2013

love you Carlos!!

Minerva Beckman

December 29, 2012

Hi mijo didn't even kno this still existed until I got a email I was like OMG!! Just to let u kno u r still in my Heart and Mind how I miss you so!! Still keep out loud laughs together w your Sister that will never b forgotten!! Happy Birthday !! Keep your Angels surrounding!! Love you! Always in my Heart!!

Irma Boyar

December 27, 2012

Happy Birthday Baby Boy. You were in my thoughts all day Christmas Day. Exactly at 10:57am you were born. Carla followed at 11:02am. I had your sisters and the kids over for breakfast Christmas morning. I missed you so much. Always will forever.
I love you so much!
Mom

Irma Boyar

December 5, 2012

Baby Boy
Christmas is right around the corner, your birthday.That day is still so hard for me. Just thinking of that day makes my tears fall again. 38 years old this year! You were just 31 when you left me/us. I still miss everything about you! Everyday! Remember how I would tell you, be quiet, thats enough Carlos, when you would start laughing, giggling, even though it annoyed me then, I would give anything to hear that laugh again. Sometimes when I hear Gilbert laughing I hear your giggle right along with his. it makes me smile, but my heart breaks again.
Your sisters and I celebrated Dia de Los Muertos last month with family and friends. Your friends still come around. Like the family, they too, still miss you. Please keep watching over us, especially your sister Michelle and her children. She is having a tough time right now. I love you so much my Sunshine. Missing you ALWAYS.
Mom
PS Christopher came to visit and now he too has the Angel(tatoo)right on his shoulder! You are watching over him, he says.

Irma Boyar

September 14, 2012

Sunshine
As I drive home everyday from work I try hard not to think of you. I focus on your sisters, the kids, work, anything that keeps my thoughts away from you. All I want is to do is let my thoughts go toward you. but I can't let my thoughts go there. After six years the pain and the memories are still hard to bare. I miss you so much. I find myself looking at boys on their way to school because some of them remind me of you. Those first months I listened to a christian CD. Those songs got me thru. Now when I listen to that CD I remember the tears and the pain that I went thru at that time and the tears come again. I can not let myself wallow in the pain and tears. I wish I could, but I would be of no use to anyone like that. I guess that makes me strong and courageous. I'm not. Baby Boy I just want you to know that my thoughts always want to be with you, that I love you with all my heart and that I miss you so very much.
Love you so very much
Mom

Irma Boyar

July 10, 2012

Sunshine
Here it is almost 2 months since my last visit. I was driving home from work yesterday and I started crying. I realize that I go about with life living it, laughing, happy, doing things I love but deep down my heart is still broken into a million pieces. It will never be the same again, ever. I have so much pain that at times like yesterday it just come at me with so much fury. I carry that pain well hidden from the world but its there and it escapes sometimes and it turns my world upside down. I miss you so much baby boy. I think, I know that the day that I pass will be the day that that pain will subside. But that day will be full of happiness for me for if GOD is willing I will be seeing you again. I will be able to hold you in my arms once again and to kiss your face, caress your hair and never let you go again, my baby. Till that day, know that you are in my thoughts always, that I love you with all my heart and that I still miss you so, so much.
Mom

Irma Boyar

April 27, 2012

Baby Boy
Your anniversary is just a round the corner. 6 years without you.I know that I haven't visited this site for awhile. I think about it all the time, but it makes me sad and it makes me cry like I am now. My eyes still shed tears for you everyday. Somehow or other wherever my thoughts take me I end up thinking of you. You are never far from my thoughts. I was just telling Carla today how much I miss you still. I do, miss you so much. My heart still aches with your loss and I feel all the pain of that day. Even tho I know that GOD won't answer I still ask him why this had to happen. Missing and Loving you everyday and forever
Mom

December 25, 2011

I worked with Carlos years ago. He was such a sweet and funny person. God give you peace today. When I think of your brother, I remember laughing with him and he always had a smile on his face. Respectfully, Trish Oesch

Irma Boyar

December 23, 2011

Two more days and it will be your birthday, 37 this year. Happy Birthday my Sunshine. I haven't come here, not because I don't want to, its just that it makes sad and my tears fall even before I start to write. Christmas without you here is not the same Baby Boy. Again and again I will tell you that I miss you so much. Right now my heart is breaking again. I'm sorry son, I guess this emptiness, this pain and these tears will never leave me.
I love you and I still miss you so much.
Happy Birthday my Christmas Sunshine.
Mom

October 6, 2011

I was driving home from work yesterday and I started to think of you. I let me mind go with the thoughts. I think of you everyday. In the morning, at work, all day long at one point or another. But I don't let myself dwell too long. I did yesterday and amazingly all the pain came rushing back. The feeling so gut wrenching that it doubles me up with the pain of losing you. Again I ask GOD why. Why did HE have to take you away from me. The tears are falling freely on my face. I try to wipe them but they just keep coming. So I just let go and let the pain of losing take over.I guess I will ALWAYS feel that pain Baby Boy. I tell you everyday how much I love you and how much I still miss you.
Mom

carla andrews

September 6, 2011

Miss you Brother.

Irma Boyar

July 22, 2011

Sunshine
Last night I atteneded the first meeting of MADD first time DUI offender class. It was an interesting session. But hearing the stories from the victims of the drunk driving just brought all those feelings flooding back. I relived the nightmare all over again. I cried at their pain for it was the same pain that only those that have gone thru this loss can truly say "I understand exactly what you are going thru". I also will tell my story and the impact it has made on family and friends. I will begin by talking of you, of how you came into this world bringing along with you your twin sister on Christmas day.Telling of what you had accomplished in the 31 years you lived here with us. How I was so proud of you. How at that point in my life I was so blessed that I would Thank GOD and tell him that "my cup runnuth over". And then I lost you and my whole world was turned upside down, my tears,so many tears, my pain,so overwhelming, my anger,....
Even though I will be reminded of that day all over again, I WILL speak with the hope that my/your story will have an impact on those that are required by law to attend this class. I love you Baby Boy. I still miss you so, so much, everyday still my tears fall.
In my heart forever, missing you, loving you, Mom

Irma Boyar

May 10, 2011

Baby Boy
Its been 5 years. Time just flies by, I can't believe that so much time has passed by. We celebrated your life with lots of food, family and friends, memories, laughter, tears. We all still miss you so very much. Your friend Lysa with Carlas help did a beautiful picture/poster of you. Minerva found all the pennies you dropped by her feet. That was awesome. After we left Beach Park we gathered at the accident site. We held a candle light vigil for you. Norma said a prayer, I spoke telling you how much I miss you and love you. Gilbert and Gina also said a few words. For your friends Donna, Lysa, Noelia, Jose, Angela, Brian, their baby, Cameron and Tim, I just want to tell them how much I appreciate their support and I thank them from the bottom of my heart. To your Aunts uncles cousins FAMILY who are always there for Michelle Carla and I, I take my hat off to them. They have been so wonderful to travel this journey with us. It is their journey too for they also love you and miss you. In my heart I know I WILL see you again and then I will be complete again Sunshine. Till then my love I will forever carry you close in my heart. I love you
Mom

March 2, 2011

Sunshine,
Its been awhile since I was here. But you are never far away from my thoughts and my heart. At night you are the last person I think about and upon waking up you are the first I think about. I did a TV interview the other day. Elena the PR person at OneLegacy, Donate Life, contacted me that very day and of course I couldn't say no. It aired 3 times. Then 3 days later I did a radio interview. I don't know when that one is going to air. Anytime someone wants me to speak of you, I can never say no. Carla also spoke at her work about you that very day of the TV interview. She was with me that day. We miss you so much baby boy. We miss what could have been.
Carla sent me some pics of you that I have never seen before. Before I knew it I was sobbing out loud. It hurts so much to realize over and over again that you are not here with us. There you go again, I am feeling sorrow and pain and the radio starts to play a cumbia and of course I smile because I know that its your way of telling me not to feel that way anymore. Thank you baby.
Know that I love you so much and I miss you everday.
Love, Mom.

Irma Boyar

January 19, 2011

Sunshine
Gilbert celebrated his B-day this past week-end. I felt really bad because I didn't go but the party started , to me, kind of late. I was in bed by 8:15 that night. LOL. Anyway I gave him a b-day card telling him to ALWAYS laugh. That when I hear him laugh I always hear your giggle along with his. At our Xmas get together he was beside me when I was calling out the cards to our Gaitan loteria. (thats another story I'll have to tell you about later)Gilbert was laughing at the names that we picked for ourselves, some were pretty funny. His laughter was so soothing to me. I could almost see you standing by the refrigerator with some of your cousins around you laughing at everything and everyone. Remember I would tell you "Carlos, thats enough" but that would only make you all laugh harder. Remember Maria would pass by and tell you "Carlos your mom is going to get mad at you". And of course you laughed harder. Again. Gilbert text me and told me that you are awlways laughing with him. I am so thankful for that. I love your cousins so much but Gilbert, Anthony and Louie are special to me.
Well Baby Boy know that there isn't a day that passes that I don't cry your loss. Missing you ALWAYS.
Love you so so much. Mom

December 25, 2010

Carlos your smile and sparkling personality will forever be with us. Stacey Brown/EBHS friend

Irma Boyar

December 23, 2010

Baby Boy
Since the only computer available to me is here at work and I won't be here on the 25th, I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. I will be remembering that day 36 years ago when you and your sister were born. The first twins to be born into the family since my aunts were born.
I will always miss you more on this special day, the birth of Jesus and my babies.
I love you.
Mom

Irma Boyar

December 9, 2010

Son
Your birthday and Christmas is just around the corner. This year you would have been 36. I wonder if by this time I would have seen you as a man or still that rebellious teenager that I always saw before. No probably not. A mother always sees her children young.
This season is really hard for me. Again like I've said so many times before, my tears drop on a daily basis, like now. Carla decided to celebrate her/your birthday early this year. Tho we were laughing and dancing, Shell Car and I found ourselves crying, remembering you. I saw Anthony, Louie, Gilbert and all your other male cousins hanging out in the back and I imagined you with them making them laugh. And I missed you more. I wondered if you would have been out there on the dance floor with your sisters. They probably would have made you dance with them.
I got an email from the HEART recipients wife this week. She says that B is still going strong, that he has a strong HEART that keeps him going. That made me feel good. You are still out there Sunshine giving LIFE.
I miss you son, everyday I miss you.
I love you. Happy Birthday
Mom

Linda Gaitan

November 6, 2010

Hello Mijo,
We celebrated Dia de Los Muertos and your altar was beautiful
your sisters did a great job and I was so happy to
see grandma right along side of you, I miss you two
much!!! I love you mijo, keep sending those pennies

Irma Boyar

November 4, 2010

Sonshine
I love you. We just celebrated El Dia de los Muertos. Shell and Car put up an awesome alter. It was beautiful. We had so many people come by and comment on it. Of course we had your favorite chicken burritos. Most of the family was there and some of your old friends showed up. We ate, laughed, remininsced and paid tribute to you son. We laid out the articles about Donate Life and if any of us had a chance to talk to new people about you we didn't hesitate to let them know all about you. I am so proud of you lil boy. I went to visit with you at the cemetary in the morning and I tell you son that I don't think the pain, the anguish, the heartache that I feel over your loss will ever subside. Its been over 4 1/2 years and I still shed daily tears for you. I miss you so very much. I love you Carlos, my baby. I know that I will see you again Baby Boy. Mom

l. Rueda

September 28, 2010

Hi mijo....been awhile but I wanted to share something with you....last night a very dear friend of ours came to our house, didn't call...just got his wife to drive him over....with an urgency he sat and explained to us that he needed Jesus in his life...he said he wanted peace he wanted to live his life for HIM, he was so lost and in so much pain that I knew in my heart that the Holy spirit led him to us. At your funeral when I spoke for you...I never in a million years thought that God could use me to lead people to HIM....and when Pastor Hector had the alter call....I was later told that 15 people either rededicated their lives or came to Jesus...awesome. I was so blessed. And I thought that was it...I thought ok HE used me this time when I thought that I would never be able to lead anyone to Christ..HE did it, how dumb of me to think otherwise. And then Last nite he did it again....and I am so humbled so blessed to know that God still uses me inspite of myself. Amazing and overwhelmed I led our friend to Christ. He lost his leg in a Harley accident and he is just going thru so much turmoil...the roller coaster ride of grief, and I used that to explain to him that he in fact was greiving....the loss of the old self...I told him he is a new creation and his life now is what he choses to make it! I often wonder if you had survived....how you would have handled your injuries...I guess the same. But it was not meant to be for you....and so you were sent to a better place a place where you could look out for us you are preparing a place for us to go home to and i look forward to that...so much....We plan to take him and his wife to church on Sunday please ask the good LORD to not let anything get in the way of that. I feel it is a must for our friend to continue on his new journey one where he is never alone. Still.... I miss you....Still

Irma Boyar

September 24, 2010

Baby Boy,
Again I tell you that I will ALWAYS miss you, that there is not a day that goes by that my eyes don't shed tears for you.
Like now, this morning, yesterday......
September has so many birthdays. Of course my 61th on the 2nd, Anthonys, just so many. Matteo turns 9 on the 26th and Logan 16 on the 30th. They are so big. I miss them being little. I get text messages from the older ones Lo, Chenoa and Chachi. It makes me feel good when they think of me.We had a small family reunion at the park on the 11th. Mostly just Grampas family, your ninos family and Alices family. Our family wore red t-shirts but my lil family had your picture on them. Carla bought the t-shirts and put your pic on them. We wore them proudly. I know that that day when you looked down on us you smiled.
I love you lil boy. I miss you so much.
All the holidays are coming up and I
know that i will be thinking of you constantly. I forgot to tell you that Angela and Noelia are expecting babies. I am so happy for them. I know you are too.
Remember that I love you and that I miss you every day.
Mom

Irma Boyar

August 19, 2010

Sunshine
Next Tuesday, the 24th, is Chach, your Fats, 15th birthday. I wish you could see her. You couldn't hold her in your lap anymore like you used to when you were here. All of them son, Logan, Chach, Chenoa, Miguel, Jake and Matteo are all growing so fast. It amazes me. I feel so old. I am. Anyway we are celebrating Chach's B-day at Santiagos with a dinner and a DJ. With family and friends. Shell bought her a dress. We'll see how that goes. I know that you will be there, in our hearts and in our thoughts, like always. Again time is just going by sooo fast. Today I printed out a photo where you are holding Chach in your lap. I couldn't hold back the tears Baby Boy. I just miss you so much, still. At times like this when we celebrate I feel the emptiness, the void that you left behind, not only in me but in all that love you. Please throw me a penny from heaven that night to let me know that you are near.
I love you ALWAYS.
Mom

Irma Boyar

July 21, 2010

Son
I miss you so very much. I was at Pizza Hut the other day and my head just automatically turned to see if your car was parked there. Funny, you had quit working there long before.....
You know I look as normal as I did before this happened, but only I know that its just a mask, that I am a fraud. My insides are still so raw with this grief, this hurt, this pain, these tears. Everyday a tear is shed for you. Sometimes I catch myself looking at your picures and the tears are running down my face. Sometimes I feel that maybe I don't let you rest in peace. I feel that feeling the pain and crying is a way that I keep you alive and close to me. But sometimes when I do face the fact that you are gone the pain is so overwhelming and I hurt so very much. I am so sorry Sunshine if I don't let you rest in peace. Its so hard for me not to think, not to feel, not to cry for you.
I just love you so much and I didn't tell you that often enough. I miss you so much Baby Boy.
Love
Mom

Irma Boyar

June 14, 2010

Sunshine
Its been more than a month since I was here. Your celebration was great. Lots of family as usual and your friends that still remember you. Don't think that I forget to come here, its just that the only things I can say over and over again is that I love you so much and I miss you with all my heart. I'm sure you know that. There is not a day that passes that I don't tell you that. Your Gramps just turned 85. It was so funny, he was telling me that he hated b-days. He said the years were just piling up. He said I am 86 yrs old.I said Dad you are 85! 1925 to 2010 is 85. He just laughed. I told him no wonder you feel old! Adding more years. I was going to take him out to dinner at the Eagles, but at the last minute, don't know why, I changed plans and decided to go to the Colonia. I honestly think it was you who put the idea in my head. I say that because I remember that you would take us, me & gramps, to dinner where there would be mariachis playing. Well there was Mariachis at the Colonia and they were right at our table. Carla, Phil, Chach, Miguel Matteo, Logan and Jake joined in the celebration. Carla made a cake for Gramps. I asked the Mariachis to come and sing las mananitas to him while he blew out the candle on the cake. He looked nervous at first, so much attention, but then he sang right along with them. We really enjoyed the evening. I know that you were there with us baby boy.
Thank you for the idea.
Please remember that I love you, that I carry you in my heart forever.
Mom

May 7, 2010

I was a good friend of Carlos from ed East High. I was unaware that he is no longer with us and am deeply saddened after reading his obituary. My prayers go out to his family. I will never forget his laughter and his outgoing personality.

Stacey Brown [email protected]

Irma Boyar

May 3, 2010

Sunshine
This Friday will be the 4th anniversary of you leaving us, your family, your friends, me your mother. Time does fly but not the emptiness and heartbreak I still feel everyday. Last week was, this week will be very hard to face. The urge to scream out my pain is still very powerful and sometimes alone in my car I do scream. Four years and I still can't get used to the fact that you are gone.I recieved an email from Bouchaibs wife.
Bouchaib is your HEART recipient. He is doing well, working full time, THANKS to your wonderful gift to him and his family. They appreciate this gift and always remember to thank us on your anniversary. I still ask GOD why he had to take you away from me, your family, but he still doesn't answer.I will just have to wait till its my time to see you once again. That WILL BE the happiest time for me. To hold my baby boy tight in my arms once again and to kiss your face a hundred times. We will celebrate on Friday with family and friends. Shell and Car are planning a kickball game. We will have homemade tortillas, pot beans, and chicken to make your favorite burrito. I know you will be there with us, probably catching the ball in mid air and making it go the other way. I will be waiting to hear your giggle in the soft wind of that day. I love you so much and always missing you.
Mom

Irma Boyar

March 31, 2010

Sunshine
No, I haven't forgotten you. You are in my thoughts everyday, morning day and night. It still seems like yesterday but it will be 4 years that you left us. As I write this I feel a knot in my throat and the tears are threating to fall, as usual, when I think of you, which is always. As I've said before time has done nothing for me. I know you are gone, my mind knows but my heart still can't get used to that fact. I miss you so much.
I love you
Mom

maria herrera

March 15, 2010

Thought of you today and came to find you here. Every word here brings tears to my eyes. I miss you Carlos,
Christopher was here a week ago and I think of how you two would just laugh and laugh. I still remember how everytime we saw each other you would always ask me for Christopher. Your mom is right, time does not matter, tears continue to fall when we realize your absence. Like your mom says, play tricks on her, like let a penny from heaven hit her on her head, or something crazy like that! She needs you to surround her with "YOU".
love you and miss you always...tia Maria

Irma Boyar

March 3, 2010

Son
Today I was cleaning my desk drawers at work and I came across your resume and cover letter. I put it away with some other of your paperwork that I keep at work. I hurt but I just kept cleaning my desk. After I finished the tears and sobs just came. Son it doesn't get better with time. I still hurt so much.
I love you Baby Boy
I miss you so much
Mom

Irma Boyar

February 22, 2010

Baby Boy
I miss you so much.
I love you,
Mom

Linda Castro

January 25, 2010

Hi Mijo,
I was thinking of you this morning and decided to visit your page, I really do miss you its been so long since you left us and I still get so teary eyed and fight back the tears, I love you babe.

Irma Boyar

January 22, 2010

Baby Boy
What can I tell you that you don't already know. I was thinking yesterday on my way home that this May will be 4 years that you left us. Again I thought will the pain ever go away? When I go there I feel like it just happened yesterday. The pain is so overwhelming. The tears just start flowing and I start to remember the nightmare again. I marvel at my mother what she must have gone thru when she lost first a baby and then a grown daughter. She must have been so strong. People have told me that I am strong but I'm not. I know that I have to go on and there is nothing that I can do to bring you back to me. Life goes on, right? I went to visit you and I lost my phone. Went home and looked everywhere. Decided to take a trip back there. Well I didn't find it.
As I was getting home the phone started to ring. It was under the seat. I could almost hear you giggling.
I was laughing too as I told you to quit playing tricks on your mother. I told Carla and before I finished she asked if I had heard your laughter.
I miss you so much. I love you son.
Keep the pennies coming and please don't quit playing tricks on me.
Love you so much
Momma

Irma Boyar

December 24, 2009

Baby Boy
Tomorrow, Christmas Day is your birthday. I remember that morning so vividly still. You were born first, a baby boy followed 5 minutes later by your sister. GOD blessed me with two babies. I can see both of you going from infants to toddlers to young adults. So many many memories. Not true, it doesn't get easier as time passes. This is the 4th Christmas without you and the pain is just as fresh as the 1st Christmas. All I know is what I feel everytime these holidays come around. So much pain so many tears. The family will celebrate your birthday tonight as they have done every Christmas past since you were born. All night I will be thinking of you Sunshine. I know you will be there in every single heart that knew you and loved you. Let me hear your giggle, your laughter as your cousins gather together to sing the 12 days of Christmas.
I miss you Baby Boy.I love you ALWAYS
Mom

Irma Boyar

November 30, 2009

Sunshine
November is gone. Thanksgiving came and went. I missed you so much that day. Yes the tears came, yes my heart broke again and yes I doubled over in my pain and sorrow. But the rest of the day went well. I made your green bean casserole. Carla cooked the turkey and there was a couple of jokes about her stuffing. Your Gramps joined us in our festivities. You know it was nice to have him there. My family gave him his first granddaughter, his first grandson, his first great grandson and his first great granddaughter. It was an honor to have him.
Son just 25 days till your birthday. I don't know if I can face Christms Eve without you again. This month is just so hard for me. Baby Boy I miss you so, so much. I pray for strength and resignation to accept my loss but it is still very difficult for me.
Son I love you and I promise I will be ok. Don't worry about me Sunshine.
You are in my heart, my love.
Mom

,Minerva Beckman

November 3, 2009

Hi Mijo
I went to the Art Musuem i could never miss anything they have for you. It was really awesome ..how everybody still cares and remembers theyre love ones..Everybody at work is like hey Minerva your nephew is in the newspaper it feels good that they know who you are already. Mijo well i might have some bad news this Friday i might get laid off but im still praying that God wil do his will what ever it is i know that he will never leave me nor forsake me...thats what i live by. as for the boys they are doing great my grandson keeps me going oh how i wish you were here he would of called you Uncle too. well mijo til i write again LOVE YOU "ALWAYS IN MY HEART" TIA MINERVA

Irma Boyar

November 2, 2009

Baby Boy
We celabrated El Dia de los Muertos yesterday at the Bakersfield Museaum of Art/ Central Park. Your sisters put up the Alter. It was awesome. So many people stopped to look, ask questions and make comments. I made your burrito of pot beans and chicken and laid it on the alter. Some friends went to get you a drink from the Silver Fox. That also went on the alter. Michelle took your suitcase with some of your belongings. Your nieces and nephews decorated skulls for your alter. Marla took black fingernail polish and black eyeliner. I wore your belt, Michelle wore your pants and Chach wore your stripped jacket. As I walked around our little place there I heard your friends talk about you and then just laugh at the things you said and did. I enjoy that. I saw myself on TV this morning. I said that I don't want anyone to forget about you. But I don't think I have to worry about that. Family and friends always remember you with so much love and laughter. I am grateful for that. The holidays are right around the corner, again. Son please give me the strength I need to face them without you.
With so much love I remember you and miss you so much.
Mom

Irma Boyar

October 9, 2009

Baby Boy
You must get tired of hearing the same message over and over again. But I miss you so very much. I think of you every day but sometimes I stay there and I can feel my heart, my insides, tighten up with the pain of your loss. It just amazes me to still feel that pain, the anger that comes with it, after 3 years 5 months. You grew inside of me and you will ALWAYS be part of me. I love you Sunshine. Keep the pennies coming. I find them in the strangest places. Take care of Michelle and Carla the kids, they too still miss you so much. Logan just turned fifteen! Remember his 1st B-day. He still has that $100 skateboard that you gave him. I think I always ask him if he still has it.
Remember my son that I am here still missing you everyday.
Love
mom

Irma Boyar

September 16, 2009

Baby Boy
Willie passed away. Something that I never even imagined would ever happen. Just like with you. He's gone, my companion of over 20 years. He called me for my B-day and then again Friday, two days before it happened. I will miss him.
I miss you so much Baby Boy. You are in my thoughts constantly. In my prayers daily. You are the tears in my eyes.I love you, son.
Mom

l. rueda

September 7, 2009

Hey celebrated your mom's birthday.... she was so happy. The girls did a great job. I cried when they topl pictures of her and Carla and Michelle. I could imagine you standing right there with them. Michelle's dancing...priceless! Everyone had fun. We danced and laughed and enjoyed the company. still.... i miss you....still

Irma Boyar

August 26, 2009

Sunshine
My B-day is right around the corner. I will be 60 years old. We will be celebrating on Sept. 5. As I begin this note to you my tears start to fall. This was not supposed to happen YOU should be here with Shell and Carla to help me celebrate. The four of us like when you were children. My little family. I miss you son, everyday! I know that physically you will not be there but you will be there spirtually. You will be there in all of our hearts, in our thoughts.
I know that I will hear your laughter as you play your jokes on Lo, Chach, Chenoa, the boys and all your cousins.
And I will smile as I remember you.
I love you Baby Boy.
Momma

l. rueda

August 9, 2009

Hey mijo, July 12 the last time I came here to visit you...... I never would have imagined how the day was going to turn out. I hate that day, the day my daughter's heart broke into a million pieces....and what am I to do...Carlos...I cry for her and my grandkids and I miss Mark. I miss his hugs and his mischevious smile. I watch Ness and the kids and they are so in tuned with each other they knew Mark so well, listening to them talk of him...it makes me happy that they have that open relationship and can talk about him the way they do. They remember all the things he did and said, they laugh at all the crazy things he did or how they know exactly how he would of reacted to some situation. Or what his favorite part of a movie would have been.....and they cry. I love my baby girl so much and I just cry and pray for her everyday. I know God will take care of things for her, I know he will one day let her feel peace and comfort...but in the meantime...Carlos...what do we do in the meantime.....Still....I miss you...Still

Irma Boyar

August 5, 2009

Baby Boy
Today I miss you so much.
Today I awoke to the memory of your cousins around you at the cemetary.
Today I choked back my tears.
Today I drove your car to work, more tears.
Today Shell called with another story of someone who knew you in highschool, but didn't know about what happened.
Today I know that no matter what, you will always be with us. That YOU send these people to let us know that you will always be watching over us.
Today my tears won't stop.
I love you Sunshine
Mom

July 17, 2009

carlos.. thinking about you ..i really miss you to this day.. another tragedy in the family .. but what do we do except give it all got God and keep praying ..you once a lady told me that she envies those who pass away because they live in better place i believe that but its not our time to go.. until the Lord calls us ...i can just imagine not living /w/ no more tears/ heartache/ pain anymore... but i do pray that you will continue to look down on us and prepare the Angels upon our lives everyday as we wake up as well as i know that Jesus Christ is also upon our lives and gvies us the strength and widsom...well mijo til i write to you again love you !!!! ALWAYS IN MY HEART!!!! TIA MINERVA

Irma Boyar

July 16, 2009

Sunshine
I cried yesterday morning because I misplaced my rings. Silly huh? But in reality my tears were a delayed reation to the passing of Vanessa's Mark. I hate that I am so rigid when it comes to these things. I want to guard my heart from any more pain. I cried with Vanessa because I could see/feel her pain and it broke my heart to see someone so special to me hurt. My tears for you still come and go thru out the day, everyday. I still miss you so much. That day/that week will forever be present in me. Those memories come to me at all times of the day, hurting me with their pain. In a way I guess I keep you close to me that way.
I went thru some old papers that needed to be thrown out. I came across lil boy cards that you made me. They made me smile thru my tears. I am so glad that I kept those memories. I will keep them till the day the Lord taked me home. Maybe I'll take them with me so that when I see you again we can both laugh and cry together.
I love you son.
Mom

l. rueda

July 12, 2009

Hey Carlos, just stopping by to say hola. Been thinking alot about you lately, I have relived that day in my mind this morning...not sure why, I was at church today.... and i guess it just spark that memory... for some reason...and then i passed by the accident site...again, no reason just on my way home....I always get chills when i go thru there, but only because i remember the pain...then it subsides and i see your smile. thats what i came home with...your smile..still.....i miss you....still

l. rueda

July 6, 2009

Hey headed out to Hollister again for the 4th of July weekend and one of our trips is through Mt Madonna....we end up in Watsonville....the memories of you as a baby and toddler....priceless. I remember that brown little car your mom had...the appts to the dr..... the little apartment... those were the days....
still.....I miss you....still!

Irma Boyar

June 19, 2009

GOD
I miss my baby so much.
When I think of him, which is everday my insides feel empty, my heart hurts, and I can feel the sadness in my eyes.
I never thought that losing a child could hurt so much.
Here it is three years later and the pain is still so evident.
Please can I ask, pray that you give me five minutes with my baby in my dreams.
I would be so happy to hold him in my arms, to kiss him. To spend five minutes looking at him, even in a dream.
Please Holy Father hear my plea.
Carlos Mom

MINERVA BECKMAN

June 19, 2009

HI MIJO...JUST WANT TO SAY I LOVE YOU AND MISS SO MUCH..EVERYTHING IS GOIN GOOD .. THANK GOD..PLEASE KEEP US UNDER YOU WINGS .AND PROTECT US THRU JESUS CHRIST ..STLL THINK ABOUT YOU DAILY NO MATTER WHAT DAY IT IS .. I ALWAYS HAVE YOU ON MY MIND ..ALL THE GOOD TIMES AND ALL THE SMILES AND LAUGHS WE SHARED.. I TOOK RICH BY WHERE WE USED TO LIVE .. IT BROUGHT BACK SO MUCH MEMORIES THAT I CRIED BUT THEY WERE GOOD ONES I JUST MISS YOU THATS ALL.. LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND ALWAYS IN MY HEART .... TIA MINERVA

l. rueda

June 9, 2009

Hey.....today I am remembering you! Some days it will be just like a quick thought, your smile, your picture, the last time I talked to......other days like today....the sadness is overwhelming and the pain rears its ugly head. And I hate it! Some days like today....still....I miss you.....still.

Irma Boyar

June 4, 2009

Sunshine,
Its been almost a month that I last wrote to you. But you know you are connected to me in so many ways that there is never a day that passes that you are not in my thoughts. This morning I was thinking of Jake. How inquisitive he is. I thought he is almost 10 years old. Then of course of thought of Miguel he also is turning ten. From there I thought of Grama. They were born after Grama passed away. I thought of both Carla and Michelle being pregnant. Then I drifted off to Shells wedding and of YOU. How handsome you looked walking your sister down the aisle. So you see son you are everywhere, in all my memories and in my heart for ALWAYS. And again I tell you that my tears will never cease. Yes I enjoy so many things, I laugh, I dance, but my heart will always feel an emptiness when I think of you. Know Baby Boy that I will never stop missing you. I would give anything to hear you laugh again.I know that that can't be, but I carry your laugh in my heart, in my memories.
I love you so much Sunshine,
Momma

l. rueda

May 19, 2009

Hey Carlos, just stopping by to say hola. Missing mom alot lately. Not sure why? One of the girls at work was talking about how her mom went to mexico to visit her family....I guess I was thinking bout how mom used to go once a year remember? She use to love her trips to visit her family. And she always brought back a little something for everyone. I am missing my son too, I have not heard from him for about a week I am worried about him. Please stay close to him and keep him focused on coming home. love you nephew....and still....I miss you....still

LaRaye Davis

May 7, 2009

I miss you so much, Carlos! Your spirit will live on and on...

TANSEY DAVIS

May 7, 2009

Not a day goes by I don't think about you. I miss you so much...

l. rueda

May 7, 2009

Hey ready to play some kick ball to celebrate your life? Well you are already on my team so say NO to the other team if they ask! Love you mijo and still......I miss you.....still

May 7, 2009

we remember carlos in church as a high schooler. He was always full of life and energy. He was a very loving young man. I think of him often and his unselfish act of giving of himself even in death. I miss him and pray for the family. Love Pascul and Yvonne Munoz Valley Bible FEllowship

Irma Boyar

May 7, 2009

Baby Boy
My Sunshine, today marks 3 years since GOD took you home. Only GOD knows how I have kept from going insane. I cannot tell you that the pain is not there because it is. I cannot tell you that my tears don't fall because they do. I cannot tell you that my heart doesn't feel that void/hole that you left when you left because it still does. I cannot tell you that I don't miss you everyday that you have been away, because I still miss you so much. The month of March and April were healing months for me. I did things that I would not have ever considered doing. But because it was for you I took a bold step forward to honor you by telling your story. That bold step helped so much.I can only say that it helped me fill a void that I had been feeling for some time. It took me out of a hole of self pity and anger. To be able to talk about you, to tell people your story and to have them honor you with a standing ovation.Awesome! I feel so much better. I know that I will never stop missing you. But even tho I don't have you to touch and talk to, I know that you are with me wherever I am. That you watch over your sisters and your nieces and nephews. You are the Angel that watches over Anthonys baby boy. YOU live in my heart Baby boy.
I love you and miss you with all my heart
Mom

Cameron Simms

May 7, 2009

Carlos another year has passed and I still think of you often. It looks like Butch will be joining you. I can just see the crew all sitting together and laughing like old times. Carlos, Mikey, and Butch oh man look out. I miss you all.

April 30, 2009

Again after a few years since I have wrote I find myself here at work and drawn to you...again I try to not read this because of the tears and pain that overwhelm me all over again...I can't believe in a week it will be three years...time flies and we all live our lives with the distant memory of those we have lost and hope it gets better...when steph happened it was like reliving the past...i love you and you are never far from my heart!!! Christy

l. rueda

April 24, 2009

hey that time of year again, the girls are off to New Orleans. Vanessa has been keeping in touch and just spoke to your sisters this morning on thier way out. Stay close to them mijo. Watch over them. Still.....I miss you....still

Michelle Berumen

April 10, 2009

Chenoa's turning 13 Sunday. Will you be there? If only in spirit,that will be enough. Make things right...

April 10, 2009

Hi mijo... another memeber of the familia is gone.. such a precious gift that was taken away just like you... welcome her with open arms .. tell momma i love her and i miss her dearly just like i do all my love ones up there...love you mijo... Always In My Heart...

l. rueda

April 9, 2009

Hey Carlos.....here come the tears again, the loss, the chaos, and the overwhelming pain....Welcome Stephanie home, make it an awesome welcoming. Love you mijo.....Still.....I miss you....still

Irma Boyar

April 3, 2009

Baby Boy
Well I did it again. April is Organ Donation month. I was asked to speak at a ceremony at KMC this morning. This morning I asked you to be with me, with your arm around my shoulder to give me the support I needed. I know you were there with me. Your sisters were also there. I gave a 3 minute speech about you Sunshine. When I finished you got an outstanding ovation. One lady had tears in her eyes. Another woman came up to me, she was the sister to a recipient of a double lung transplant. What you gave Baby Boy was an awesome gift to four grateful people. I am honored to be your mom. My tears still fall on a daily basis and I still miss you sooooo much. But I am doing something worthwhile and it brings me joy that I can talk about you.
I'll love you forever
Mom

l. rueda

March 26, 2009

Hey...its been a while...so much going on..... still....I miss you....still

MICHELLE BERUMEN

March 15, 2009

Your name has been in the paper 3 times so far in the last week. Brings a whole new meaning to gone,not forgotten. Miss you so much,need you around to tell me how dumb I'm getting.

Irma Boyar

March 13, 2009

Sunshine
Got so much to tell you! After the OneLegacy ceremony last Sunday I have become an OneLegacy Ambassador for the hispanic community. So far I made a television appearance Univision and a live radio interview on Radio Bilingue. Baby YOU will not be forgotten as long as I breath. I honor you baby boy this way. So far this week you have been in the paper twice. YOU are still here! I still miss you everyday. My tears will never dry. I know that you approve of what I am doing so that thought makes me happy.
I love you Sunshine
Mom

Irma Boyar

March 9, 2009

Hey my Baby Boy
You just refuse to be forgotten. We attended the OneLegacy ceremony honoring Donors and their Families yesterday. Car sent in your picture and a message and it was put on a video for us to see along with the pictures of other donors. I did a small interview and Shell picture along with yours is on the paper this morning. Awesome!
As the message says "Your voice and your Laughter is stamped on this earth in our hearts and our memories." I am also becoming an ambassador for OneLegacy to tell your story SON.
I love you and to Car, Shell and me you will NEVER be forgotten.
Mom

minerva beckman

March 8, 2009

hi mijo ... just want to say thank you for sending me a message.. saturday i went to see frank and i was having a hard time letting go since i wont see him for awhile or talk to him .. went to the ladies room and Lord behold i found a penny just laying on the toilet paper holder so i knew right then and there that everything was goin to be ok .. and then i was leaving open the door and another penny .. i was just crying...for sure i knew it was you and maybe grama or tony ... but i felt alot better ... how i miss you so much i wish that you were here w/me .. like old times .i could of needed you at times like this cause i know that you would of made me feel better ... but my grandson is keeping me busy he is such a blessing in my life mijo its so awesome both ant and steven are doing great ...well til i write again love you always ..tia minerva

Cameron Simms

March 4, 2009

Man So here it is a long time passed since the last time I wrote. I still think about you a lot. It's funny how everyone says that they will always remember but how we all have the tendency to forget. I haven't visited your graveside since the funeral and don't think I ever will. I think I do it because then I can think that you are still out there somewhere making someone else laugh the way you used to make me. I miss you and will truly never forget.

Irma Boyar

February 20, 2009

Sunshine
I was looking at a picture that Michelle took of Logan and I. I remember when he was smaller he would always measure his height against mine. Now he towers over me. He stands in front of me looking over my head and asks "Wheres Tita?" He is so very tall. I know that if you were here he would now be measuring his height against yours. I miss seeing that. I miss seeing you with Chach and Chenoa, teasing them. And my four boys, they are so big and beautiful to me. I miss you playing with them, joking around with them. I just miss you Baby Boy.
Love you
Momma

Irma Boyar

February 12, 2009

Baby Boy
On my way home from work yesterday I was thinking of how much I miss you in my life. My thoughts strayed and I thought of Grama. I thought about how she must have felt when she lost her daughter, Pilar, my sister, your aunt. Mom must have felt just like I feel right now. The emptiness that I feel in my heart, my soul. The tears that fall the minute I think of you(always). I cried for her at that moment. I was not there for her at that time. I was busy with my life that I never thought that I could comfort her in her pain, her loss. She must have felt like I do so many times. GOD saw her as he sees me and only, only HE knows what we feel everyday after our loss. But she is lucky, she is with Pilar and with you and I know she is happy now. One day I will also be able to see my mother and I will tell her how sorry I am for the comfort I failed to give her. I will also be able to see you Sunshine and my life will be complete once again. I miss you so much Baby Boy.
Much much love
Mom

Irma Boyar

February 2, 2009

Sunshine,
Yesterday as I walked thru the hall in my lil house I suddenly, just like a flash, thought you would call me, and then REALIZATION again and the tears came...........
I love you baby boy
Mom

l. rueda

January 30, 2009

So here we are mijo, the end of another month! Where does the time go? Listening to a song with words that say "I was not ready to let you go" Are we ever? Your passing was a total shock.....never expected, I remember when mom left us, I was not ready to let her go, but I had a peace about her passing knowing that she was in so much pain. It was exhausting and painful for us to watch her go all that pain, and when she was on medication....she was just not mom. So yes it was sad and painful to let her go but I knew her passing would mean she would have no more pain, I am consoled to know her spirit has been renewed. But you.....senseless and so very unexpected, I hate that. And I know you are in a much better place kicking back with grama...able to understand everything she says... lol. I know you would never even think about coming back here. So we live everyday, missing you all, and dealing with life without all of you, our treasures in heaven. And we cherish and enjoy all the blessings we have here, the blessings that God bestows on us, the comfort he brings to our broken hearts. And I treasure all those blessings with a grateful heart...but some days I still wrestle with the anger, like today...... Still......I miss you.....still.

Michelle Berumen

January 26, 2009

Mom did a good job on the Mas' article brother. Knowing your heart still beats is some consolation,not much,but some. Even in death your awesome..

l. rueda

January 25, 2009

Hey....awsome article in MAS magazine. Your heart in someone else is keeping a little part of you alive! But it is in our hearts that you live fully, its there that we hold you close and dearly. It is in our memories where we hear your voice...distant yes but we hear it. And on those rare occasions like today...when I can clearly hear the laugher that is a blessing sent from above. Still.....I miss you....still.....

Carla andrews

January 16, 2009

Hey Brother,
Man today you have been so heavy on my heart. I have been staring at pictures and reminiscing about things we did. I think you are trying to tell me "Hey Car don't forget about me". I miss you so much. I can't believe you have been gone for almost 3 yrs. I see pictures of you and think man time flies I remember when...

I love you and miss you..Just know I am doing everything I can to keep up your memory.

Love Car

Irma Boyar

January 15, 2009

My Sunshine
Everyday I miss you. Everyday I think of you. Sometimes I remember some of the conversations we had and I laugh but then my heart breaks again as I am FORCED to face the realization that you are gone. And again I want to scream and yell my pain away. Over 2 1/2 years and my pain is still so raw, beneath the surface. Nobody son, Nobody except GOD and I know what I go thru everyday without you. I know that I am not the only one that has lost their child but I do feel that way. I am in contact with MAS magazine and hopefully we will have a small article in the January issue. It will be about the rose dedication that the heart recipient honored you with in the Rose parade float for New years. Then in March we, Shell, Car and I will be attending OneLegacy Donor Rememberance ceremony here in Bakersfield to honor and and remember YOU and our decision to give the gift of LIFE. Not only you but all the other families who have made the same decision.
Baby Boy your momma misses you so much.
I love you
Momma

l. rueda

January 15, 2009

Hey.......still......I miss you......still

l. rueda

December 28, 2008

December 2008! Here we are, at the end of another year. Many blessings, alot of changes, alot of celebrations. Alot of challenges, decisions, hard stuff to handle. As I reflect back on this year, I think it was a good year, trials came and went. I was not into the Holiday, Christmas is always very exciting for me. Don't get me wrong, I am still amazed at the gift of forgiveness that God gave us by sending his son to die for our sins. Somehow it just came too fast, no time to really enjoy it. We got together at mom's house again. Good to see everyone, and all the babies....such a joy. We sang happy birthday to ness and to you and carla. Kids were excited to open their gifts. Had Lael with me and she spent some time with her nina carla that was nice. Dad gave us lottery tickets and so did Christy, we got 25 bucks and 2 more free tickets that was fun. So here we are starting a new year and only God knows what is coming our way. I hope and pray that he will continue to bless our family and keep us all safe. It is growing by leaps and bounds. Amazing. Life goes on for us....and still.....I miss you.....still.

minerva beckman

December 21, 2008

hi mijo..update on my grandson he is so gorgeous i wish you were here w./us carla told me a dream she had about you wanting to see him so i guess you already have ..isnt he beautiful ?? christmas is around the corner how time flies so fast no matter how much time passes you will always be remembered not only on holidays but everyday that goes by .i could never forget a nephew like you who has been there for me and made my day just by smiling ..and laughing ... love you .. carlos Always in my Heart!!! Tia Minerva

Irma Boyar

December 12, 2008

Sunshine
I met a mother who had lost her son 2 years before I lost you. She sat and cried and cried. I thought My GOD its been two years! And here I am today 2 years 7 months and I am HER. There is not a day passes that my tears don't fall. My heart still broken in a million pieces. Never to be whole again. This holiday season, your birthday just around the corner way too much to bear. Again I am on a roller coaster ride. Happy, laughing, enjoying this holy season one minute, next minute missing you so much, my heart breaking again. I know that I will NEVER get over this. But Sunshine there is a little ray of sunlight in all this. Your heart recipient has dedicated a rose on the Rose Parade float this year. He is forever so grateful for your gift of life. I recieved the dedication package a couple of days ago. You can imagine how I felt. So proud of you, yet wishing that it wasn't so. Baby Boy I just can't let you go. I hold fast to you, to the memories you left behind. Sometimes I know you are around me, taking care of me. Two days ago there was a heavy fog, remember you always called to see if I made it to work ok? Well my sister called me that morning about the fog, asking me to be careful. That was out of the ordinary. Your sister Car called next and a friend called later on that day, with the same question. I know that it was you. Please just stay around me, us, the family. We still miss you so much. I know that you will be there at Gramas house this Christmas Eve waiting to hear everyone sing Happy Birthday to you, Car and Ness. Searching out Gilbert to join you as you sing the twelve days of Christmas. How I miss you Baby Boy.
Your Momma

l. rueda

December 1, 2008

Wow where does the time go? Here we are already in December! Vanessa celebrated big time Saturday, I thought about you that day. Seems like no matter how long its been since you left us, everyday I think about it.....I get so very sad. Not sure what the new year will bring for us, so please keep an eye on everyone down here. We will be celebrating Christmas again without you and mom....I love Christmas...but these last couple of years have been hard. still.....I miss you.....still

Irma Boyar

November 24, 2008

Mijo
Es impossible olvidarte. SIEMPRE viveras en mi corazon.

Baby boy, even tho I am living life to the fullest and I believe that I am happy right now, I miss you so very much. I just can't seem to get over this emptiness I feel everytime I think of you. I think of you constantly. Sunshine you are EVERYWHERE I look.
I love you Baby Boy
mom

Irma Boyar

November 13, 2008

Mijo
Pienso que no hay nada mas deficil que vivir sin ti. Como te extrano. Si no te hubieras ido mi vida estaria completa. Te quiero tanto, Mijo.
Momma

l. rueda

November 6, 2008

My dearest nephew.... a new era... what is the plan? Amazed? Yes. Anxious? Very. Scared? No, definitely no. I know God has a plan for us. I trust that he is and always will be in control of our lives, our destiny. He is always in control of our fears and it amazes me how he just brings that peace that surpasses all understanding. A new era? Yes, but what an amazing journey it will be. I hope and pray for strength to stand for HIM and that I will be able to bring him GLORY. Intercess for us mijo...as your family, as a nation, as a people. Still....I miss you......still.

MINERVA BECKMAN

November 2, 2008

HI MIJO ....WELL IM A GRAMA NOW I KNOW YOU WOULD OF BEEN SO PROUD OF ME AND ANTHONY... WE WISH YOU COULD OF BEEN HERE ..IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING THAT GOD CREATED ANT AND LISA ARE SO EXCITED TO PARENTS NOW BUT LIKE I SAID YOU WILL BE MENTION IN HIS LIFE .THERES NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT I HOPE HE CARRIES YOUR LAUGH THE WAY YOU AND ANT USED TO BE .. MISS YOU SO MUCH ...OK MIJO JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GOIN ON >>>LOVE YOU ALWAYS IN MY HEART .....

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