Robert Gene Montstream

1931 - 2023

October 31, 1931 - October 19, 2023

On a clear night under a star filled sky, Bob peacefully left this world. Bobcat, as he was affectionately known, was surrounded by his adoring family in his home in Old Wethersfield, Connecticut, where he had lived for 58 years. Family was an enduring presence and his priority. His family and many friends knew him for his kindness, unending love, expressive gratitude, thoughtful guidance, and deep generosity. He was 91.

Born to Edith and John Montstream in Garden City, NY, he was due on November 1st- All Saints Day. But instead, he arrived a day early, on Halloween, and was proud to say he was a Goblin. His Swedish grandparents came to the United States in the 1890s as Bergstroms, but they soon translated the name to Montstream (Bergstrom means "mountain stream").

Growing up in Garden City, he would ride his bike 9 miles to the ocean and start his swim season on May 1 in the cold sea. He taught his family to respect the ocean by counting waves, observing currents and to never turn your back on the surf. His love for sailing and the Atlantic started then. As a child, every Saturday afternoon, he would retreat to his bedroom to listen to the opera, broadcast live from the Metropolitan Opera House. Madame Butterfly was his favorite.

Bob graduated from Wesleyan University in 1954 with a degree in biochemistry. In 1956, he enlisted in the Army, which he called "Uncle Sam's Touring Club." He liked to say, "The military is an experience you couldn't buy for a million dollars or sell for a dime." He was stationed in La Rochelle, France.

Months before he left for France, he fell in love with a Connecticut College student while on a double date. He and Amalie "Ami" Hughes started a long distance courtship that soon turned into an engagement. When Dad left for France, they made a pact for her to join him and marry in La Rochelle. So Mom boarded a small student ship in 1956 to meet Bob. Part way through the journey, a Swedish ship put out an SOS signal when one of their sailors needed medical attention. Since Mom's ship had a doctor on board, they changed course and went to assist. Meanwhile, the Andrea Doria, a luxury transatlantic ship, collided with a freighter and sank. Mom's boat was delayed and Dad had no information on which ship went down. Dad was AWOL as he waited for days not knowing if Ami would ever arrive. Finally, her ship pulled in and Bob returned to the base with his bride-to-be only to be assigned to dig ditches for days as his punishment for not returning to base on time.

Bob and Ami were married on August 4, 1956 and moved into married housing to start their life together. When Dad had days off, they traveled through Europe camping and purchasing antique treasures from collectors in the countryside.

Returning to the US, Bob sold health insurance and applied to law school. He was accepted at UCONN Law School for night classes. But when his boss learned he was attending law school, he got a "punishment transfer" to San Francisco. Not one to be slowed down, Bob enrolled in night classes at University of San Francisco School of Law. There, while selling group employee health insurance, he negotiated a multi-million dollar plan with a provision to include pre-existing conditions and pregnancies, which was the largest sale by his company, a plan which still exists today. Nevertheless, when his boss discovered he was attending law school, he, Ami, 6-month-old Katharine, and their cat were transferred again, this time to Phoenix, Arizona. With no law school there, they did not stay long. The three of them, and the cat, traveled by car to Hartford, Connecticut where he re-enrolled in UCONN Law School, attending both daytime classes and night school until he graduated in 1964. Walter was born just before graduation. With Ami caring for the two kids and Dad in school full time, there was little to no income. They lived in a project called Charter Oak Terrace in the North End of Hartford where subsidized rent was just $25 per month.

In 1965, the family bought a house across from a park in Old Wethersfield, Connecticut. Although it was in need of serious repair, they took the challenge. A true labor of love, they worked tirelessly for many years to fix up the 1790s home, and landscaped the yard with the most extraordinary rock walls and gardens. Bob loved to salvage big stones from the brownstone homes that were being bulldozed in Hartford. On Saturday mornings, he would arrive at demolition sites with a trailer, a come-along, winches, crow bars, and logs. To her delight, Katharine walked away from Saturday morning cartoons and joined her Dad to help click the winch to move the chained rocks inch by inch. Today, the property is filled with beautiful rock walls, patios and slate and brick walkways all installed by Bob. Their third child, Sydney, was born in 1968.

In the early 1970s, Bob started his own law practice as a defense litigator. His briefcase and dictaphone were never far from his side. In keeping with Dad's Halloween theme, he delighted in retiring from his firm, Montstream & May, on Friday the 13th (December 13, 1996). He loved lawyer jokes and happily surprised people when he'd say they were all true.

When it comes to passions, Bob had many. A close second to his family were skiing, birding, biking, sailing, and taking walks while wearing his Sherlock Holmes hat. His passion for bird watching led to daily bike trips into the Wethersfield Meadows with binoculars around his neck and a bird book in his back pocket, while donning his 1970s bike helmet. More recently, he rode his stationary bike multiple times per day, aiming to "get to celery" – the green zone where you exceed 10,000 steps daily. His longest streak, 34 days, ended on September 24. Being a Bobcat, he would meow when you gave him a back massage.

Bob always made time for skiing. Every flake made him grin and he couldn't wait to get up the mountains to ski with his father at Jiminy Peak and stay at the New York Ski Club cabin in Berlin, NY. Starting on a rugged rope tow, he taught his children and Ami to ski. The kids loved it and every weekend throughout the winters were spent on the slopes- rain, shine, blizzard or ridiculously cold temperatures never discouraged them. "A bad day on the slopes is better than a good day at the office" was his motto.

Bob was a celestial navigator, learning how to use the stars and a sextant to safely sail anywhere from Nova Scotia to Cape Cod (and the islands) with his best friend, Phil. In 1976, he took his family on a sailing adventure to Nantucket, Martha's Vineyard and Cuttyhunk. Although some in the family thought this was the worst trip ever being confined and seasick- the girls delighted in every minute on the boat: the adventure on the open sea, sleeping below, showering in the ocean, and helping set the anchor.

No one made a better Caesar salad than Bob and he was quick to share his recipe. It took him years of careful observation to perfect it. There was a restaurant in Hartford that made the Caesar salad at your table, and they didn't share the recipe. Bob was not dissuaded. He would observe the portions, the ingredients, and ask a different question each time. "What kind of olive oil are you using?" After a few years, he perfected it and his lucky family and friends were the recipients of many Caesar salads. Let them know if you want the recipe.

Bobcat had five grandchildren and never missed a chance to watch their soccer games, cheer at a track meet, or listen to their recitals and concerts. Trick-or-treating was high on his list of fun things to do with the kids, so every Halloween was spent in costume with many entertaining Halloween birthday parties. Being 100% Swedish, he loved dressing as a Viking.

Bob's family and friends knew him for his joyful smile and his bright blue eyes. His unending support, his gratitude, his guidance- no one could make a friend out of a stranger faster than Bob. At 91, the parade of loving family and friends who visited him while he was in hospice care at home was extraordinary and very moving. He openly expressed his love for each of them. In his last weeks he shared, "Now I'm just trying to hang on to congratulate those around me- for all they've done and what they'll do in the future." If things got off course? A favorite phrase often shared when loved ones needed some confidence was, "It'll happen." He never missed a chance to say "I'm so proud of you," "That's terrific," or "I love you."

Bobcat is survived by his bride of 67 years, Amalie Maxon Hughes Montstream of Wethersfield, their three children and families: Katharine Montstream and husband Alan Dworkshak, and their children Charlotte, Torsten and Sylvie all of Burlington, VT; Walter Montstream and his dog Wyatt of Hebron, CT; Sydney Montstream-Quas and husband Michael Quas of Barrington, RI, and their children, Adeline and Maxon; brother John Montstream and wife Marion Montstream and great nieces Christie Maether and Lyndsey Germano all of Rochester, NY; sister-in-law Gini Hughes Anslinger of Altoona, PA; nephew Jim Montstream and his husband Mike Schiele of Burlington, VT; cousin Jan Larkin of West Hartford, CT; and "adopted" son Eduardo Lex and wife Diana Lex of Colchester, CT. He was predeceased by his nephew, Johnny Montstream of Rochester, NY.

A Halloween-themed Celebration of Love will be held in Old Wethersfield at the Kenney Memorial Cultural Center on Sunday, December 17 from 4:00 - 7:00pm. Costumes encouraged and friendly goblins kindly invited.

In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to:

Cape May Bird Observatory

PO Box 3

Cape May Point, NJ 08212

https://njaudubon.org/centers/cape-may-bird-observatory/

or

RI Coalition Against Gun Violence

265 Oxford Street

Providence, RI 02905

https://ricagv.org/donate/