Menu
Search by Name
Search by Name
About
Ashley Schwartz Obituary
To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.
Memories and Condolences
for Ashley Schwartz
Sponsored by Ashley's loving family.
Cindy Schwartz
August 7, 2025
Hey baby. So missing you . . . . again on a bright, sunny August 6th. 19 years of sunny August 6ths, beginning with that very first one that I remember so well. And the next day was the same . . . that dreadful day that word came that our worst nightmare became real.
I wish you could meet your nieces, now 18 and almost 20. Pay moved into an apartment with her boyfriend and Cal will be starting college classes in two weeks. And then there's baby Shea. I know you'd be in love. He came along when I needed him - when his sisters are growing farther along the journey of their own futures, their own lives. Needing grandma less. Now there's precious Shea-baby. So I guess there are still things to be grateful for. But still I look at him and know that he's another loved one that will never know his auntie Ashley. It makes me sad. And angry all over again. Pay is almost the age you were when you left this place. You've been gone for almost as long as you were here. How can that be??? There is some comfort in knowing that I'm getting closer to possibly reuniting with you, if that's even truly possible.
Sweet Molly messaged yesterday, sharing about you. She was going to be stopping to visit your resting place. She had such heartfelt things to share - how she learned so much from you, but especially about standing up for her principles - how valuable that was to her. How you are still making a difference in her life. And how she misses you. I swear she is the best thing that came out of your playing volleyball for all those years. I know that a part of you will live on as long as she lives, and that means everything. Everything.
Loving and missing you too much. As always, my Sunshine. Your mommy.
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2024
Hey baby girl. I find it impossible to say 'happy birthday'. I just can't. If it were happy, we'd be celebrating it. I wouldn't have to try to imagine you at 41, which is almost impossible. No, it is impossible. What do we do to 'celebrate' it??? We don't. We memorialize. We hang your decades old birthday banner that dad used to hang on the upper level of our house on xmas eve - yes, we still have it. And we visit a cemetery and hang little white lights and candles spelling out "Happy Birthday". Then we make the trek north to celebrate the holiday with family. I could do without it, except that I NEED to see my precious granddaughters and newest grandson. 19, 17 and 9 months! How fortunate am I to have them. My lifesavers. All of the letters in Shea's name are letters in your name. How fitting. He came along just when his grammy needed him. You should be here to be part of their lives. They will have no memories of auntie Ashley, except those that we plant. Not the same. Not what you deserve.
I heard from Brie in October! That was a surprise. It was brief but nice catching up with her. Her daughter is 13 now! She misses not growing old with you. And a shocker was getting a message from Christine! She sent two pictures - one of the two of you and one of you petting a golden dog, I assume it to be hers. Vibrant. Alive. First new pictures of you that I've seen in too long. Precious gifts.
I hear from Molly occasionally. She messaged that she stopped by to visit you early on your birthday. What a sweetheart. And her parents - they still make an annual donation in your honor at this time of year to Sojourner Truth house. Special family, indeed.
Please watch over your brother and his family. Send them strength - so much to worry about. But he is trying sooooo hard. He is a good man. And send strength to Brienne - I think her life is not easy.
You are missed and so very loved. So many of us have been cheated by your disappearance from our lives. I hope there is a better place. I hope that you are there. I hope that we can be reunited one day but I fear finding out the truth of that hope.
longing for you, missing you my Sunshine
mommy
mommy
August 6, 2024
mommy
August 6, 2024
mommy
August 6, 2024
Eighteen years ago today. It's impossible to not relive those two days - the night it happened, the day we found out. In 18 years of your angelversary, today is the only day that was as it should be - cloudy, cold. Not bright and sunny and warm. Not a day to enjoy. A day where the sun was stolen away by grey clouds. Today is hard. Today I feel lost. Today I wish you were here to meet your new nephew. To see your nieces become young woman. To see your brother as the strong man he was always meant to be. Soon you will be gone longer than you were here. How do I deal with that????
What I know is that you were lost in the beginning of an epidemic that is raging strong still. But what my heart tells me - and all reason tells me - is that the poison killed you, but the mental illness took your life first. And that is what hurts at the core of my being.
I miss you, my Sunshine. That is my life. The love lives on . . .as does the pain . . .
mommy
mom
December 26, 2023
Hi my Sunshine. Another birthday without you here. Your 40th. So wrong in just so many ways. The weather in the 50's made it easier to hang the lights and even put the "Happy Birthday" candles on your memorial stone this year. The routine for your xmas birthday, so different than when you were here - when we would first give you a birthday gift before the xmas festivities.
So much going on the past few months - I hope you are somewhere watching and guiding. You have a nephew arriving in March and a sister-in-law on NYE, when your brother gets married. All so last minute. And working to ready your brother's new home for his family. Do you see him working so hard??? Thankful for his healing and growth in recovery, which allows him to be this man that he has become.
And a year of surgeries - both of your nieces and then dad's. It's been an exhausting year. I wish you were here for all of it - the good and the bad. To feel your hugs through all of it.
The O'Donnell girls had made plans with Amanda to honor your memory this year by getting tattoos and they invited me to join them! How very sweet. We all got the same tattoo in basically the same location, inside and just below our left elbows. It's a 2" all black Righteous Babe Records logo to commemorate your introducing all of us to Ani DiFranco's music. We will be getting together in January and taking a group photo that I will share here.
And then another heartwarming occurrence when Morgan Sawicki reached out to me about you. She was so surprised at how much of her and her family I remembered. She seems to being doing very well, living out of state with her partner. So sweet of her to feel the need to let me know that you are thought of and remembered often. She wanted to visit your resting place on your birthday but needed the location so that she could do so early on that day. Hoping to someday meet up with her.
Molly messaged me that she had been to visit you as well early on your birthday. The true sweetness of this young woman. And her parents also made a memorial donation in your name to Sojourner Truth House, once again.
Life goes on, sadly without you. The hole in our hearts saves space for your memory. Loving and missing you too much my Sunshine ~ mommy
Cindy Schwartz
August 7, 2023
My Sunshine. Again, a beautiful August 6th, but it will never be what it could be, the sun having forever been dimmed since you left us 17 years ago on a Sunday.
Dad and I spent today as has become ritual now, visiting your resting place where we released a dove balloon. Then a bite to eat and drinks at Comet. Not what it once was, but we are thankful to have a place to go to 'be' with your spirit. This evening we listened to and watched some Ani music videos.
17 years with no new pictures of you. 17 years of no memories of and with you. We've adapted to life without you. There is no choice. But life doesn't feel worthwhile, when I let myself go to the hole in the shape of you in my heart.
Please continue watching over your brother and the girls. It's not a smooth nor easy path for them, navigating sobriety and life with teenagers and no mom. We are so proud of them all but support is needed and welcome.
I miss the relationship we should be having. I didn't get to have the 'adult' relationship with my mother either. It's all so wrong and . . . just wrong.
Please guide me to be less judgmental, more patient and kind. To be the mom you wanted me to be. I try to make amends to both you and Dustin by being there for him and the girls whenever needed - and then some.
I am tired of the "heavy cloak of sadness", my Ashley. I am tired of life without you. Please be my strength ~ we love and miss you too much, my Sunshine ~
mommy
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2022
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2022
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2022
Hey Baby. It never gets easier to miss you. Just another way to put everything I've written for the past 16+ years. You should be 39 this xmas day. My heart - our hearts - wish so much that we could be celebrating you. Instead, we light candles, hang banners, light up your headstone, carry your sweater to family xmases. It's how we cope. It's what we have. And it is so, so, sad. The love and the hurt, it's all the same.
Your nieces, they are getting so 'grown up' - and to think you've never known them. But we need you to watch over them - and their dad. So much going on with them - like I know now, that you were struggling through as well. I see it. I feel it. I know it. I wish I did all those years ago. But you know what? I still don't know how to help. But I do know that I am more 'here' for them than I was for you. For that I can never forgive myself. The guilt sends my stomach into tumult.
Dustin is trying sooooo hard to do the right things for them, and of course, we are here for him. But we worry for all 3 of them. Please, if you are in a place to help, guide them to 'better places'. Share your strength and support for them. They cannot get too much these days. If they can just be happy and healthy, dad and I will have a modicum of peace. We've already lost so much that losing anything more is unfathomable.
It was just Dustin and the girls with dad and I for xmas at our place - did you see us? This year dad decided to play videos of xmas and your birthday when you were 5. And then of your move-in to the Grammercy dorm. The girls have never seen their auntie move, never heard you speak. My heart and my chest were so compressed while watching . . . and hearing. This is the first time since you left that I have watched and listened. It was as difficult as it was glorious. I don't know if I can do it again. Is that wrong?
We've hung your banner again this year . . . and lights around your headstone, as always. Although you have to forgive that they are nowhere near perfect this year - it was so bitter cold and using tape is not something to be done with winter gloves on. And sadly, we couldn't even get the HAPPY BIRTHDAY candles taped up. Molly messaged me later - she had visited you apparently shortly after we left and saw your lights. And her parents again made a donation to Sojourner House in your memory/honor. Dad and I, along with Uncle Bob and Aunt Donna will be making a donation to Pathfinders again in honor of your birthday.
It's all we can do, given you are not here for us to wrap you in hugs and love and gifts. And we would so, so much love to feel your hugs, sweetheart. Loving and missing you too much, our Sunshine ~ mommy
Cindy
August 6, 2022
Hey my Sunshine. There are times when I still get angry that time won't freeze, the world won't stop turning. What I want doesn't matter. If it did, things wouldn't be as they are. I look at your nieces, especially Payton, and that's when the reality takes life form. She turned a year old the month after you were snatched from us. She has been on this earth about the same amount of time that you've been gone from it. I wish you could be here to be auntie Ashley to your nieces. I know you would sooo love each other. They are so genuine and personable and individual. They take up all the space of my heart except for that of their dad and the hole in the shape of beautiful you. It is unfair that you were taken before they had any opportunity to know their auntie. You would be so proud to be Pay and Caleigh's Aunt Ashley! But yet, here we are. I need to scream at someone. Blame someone. In the end, my anger changes nothing.
Again, this awful, dreaded day, August 6th, was bright and sunny. Much like you, when you were shining, but - never as bright as YOUR shine. Dad and I visited your resting place and Molly arrived! I don't use the word 'blessing' - ever. But if I was to refer to someone as a blessing, it would be this young woman. She cherishes your memory and speaks without stigma about the growing opioid pandemic. She visits your resting place and remembers . . . and shares our pain. You would be so proud of her too.
Thankfully - and if I were on better terms with God, I would thank him/her - Comet has been revived and reopened a couple months ago, surviving the Covid epidemic. Reborn but not the same. But . . . it has given us a place to 'be' on this day. A place that once was part of your world. We drove by the old Fuel, but it has been reopened as a different business. And the world keeps turning.
My (our) heart(s) long for your voice, your laugh, anything 'You'. But life doesn't stand still, regardless of our loss, our pain, our life without our baby.
Thinking of you, wondering about a life with you still here and above all, missing you too much, my Sunshine.
mommy
Cindy
December 26, 2021
My Sunshine, another birthday to remind us of all that's been missed these past 15 years. Seeing all the kids in the family changing, growing. Another reminder that you are always the same. It's not as distracting as it was when the kids were smaller. I just feel tired. Always glad when it's over.
In our new home, we've finally rehung your birthday banner - haven't done so since losing you. A different home in a different city, hung in a different place. The only thing not different is that you aren't here.
I heard on the news this past week that Xmas day, 1983 - the day you brightened our lives for the first time - was the coldest Xmas day in recent history. I remember driving along the lakefront, enthralled by the mist clouds floating above the water. Gorgeous and mystic. Like you. We just didn't know it yet.
Then this year - one of the warmest xmas days in recent history - no snow; the grass is for the most part, still green. It's even actually grown in some places.
Wishing you were here to live it all with us. To brighten the gray. The one thing that never changes is the love we have for you and the hole in our hearts that is the size of that love.
I can never get myself to say Happy Birthday this day. You'll understand. Missing you too much, my Sunshine ~ with endless love, mommy.
Cindy Schwartz
August 7, 2021
Cindy Schwartz
August 7, 2021
My baby. 15 YEARS without you. In the awful beginning, I never believed I'd live this long without you. And, in many ways I haven't. The anger has pretty much subsided although it rages at times. But the hole hasn't closed, the 'empty' is still unfilled and the clouds are still there, even when the sun is shining. Except on THIS day. Cruelly, the sun always shines on THIS day. Today was no different although it was one of the few August 6th that wasn't completely sun-filled. The world should be gloomy on this day, when your light was extinguished.
Dad and I are even more lost on this day than ever. The pandemic took away the places you used to spend so much time during your last years here. Comet and Fuel are gone, never to reopen. I drive by and mourn them, as they stand boarded for over a year now. Another loss. Another dagger. We are lost not knowing how to spend this day now.
Even at the cemetery today. Construction workers building another mausoleum just yards from where you rest. Ugh. Lost.
Missing you is EVERY DAY. But this day is just getting darker. Heavier. The world keeps moving but I feel stuck. I'm not supposed to 'enjoy'. I don't want to be happy. Not without you in my world.
Missing you too much, my Sunshine.
mommy
mom
December 27, 2020
Hey baby. Remember how dad used to hang your Happy Birthday banner on the front of the house every xmas eve for your birthday on xmas? With the string of purple lights around it. Since you were about 12, maybe? Out there on a ladder in the cold and snow, usually after midnight on xmas eve - had to wait til you kids were asleep, of course. After wrapping the rest of the presents. So hard, trying to make your birthday special when it was easy for others to forget. What I wouldn't give to have those days back again, to have you back. To have to 'make the day special' for you. This year was different, still pushing through the Covid epidemic that has changed all lives, routines, plans. Dustin and family came by for a couple hours between family celebrations on xmas eve. Dad played some videos from xmas/your birthday when you guys were around 5 and 7, while we ate and while waiting for dinner. It was hard, some tears, some smiles. We didn't go to aunt Barb's this year, but your brother and family went, along with Dan's family and Erin's kids. We got to your resting place and hung the lights and birthday candles. It was so, so cold. Molly had messaged me that she had visited earlier. And later, your brother posted the attached pic of you and uncle Mikey - a good memory, especially now that you are both gone from our physical world. I look at your nieces, 15 and 13 now, and I think of how close they are to your age when you left us. I don't know why such things come to mind. I wish they had known their auntie, had memories that don't need to be planted. So many regrets. So much time has gone, empty space you left behind that should be filled with your future and 14+ years of the past - our past, your past. Memories and stories to be shared of your life that can never be. Hugging your sweater and missing you so much, my Ashley. Always, loving you too much ~ mommy
Cindy
August 6, 2020
August 6th, 2020 - there is a French translation of "I miss you" that translates as "You are missing from me". A perfect translation of my heart as I think of you. A huge chunk of me, missing. 14 years later, that missing chunk, still there. I guess I've gotten used to it, like one does a missing organ or even a limb. Today, as is most often typical for August 6th, was a beautiful, sunny day. There have only been two August 6ths since you left us that were not bright, sunny days when I awoke. And even those that weren't, eventually became sunny. I'd guess I have to accept that it is you shining for us despite it being the darkest day in our hearts. The COVID world we are living in for the past 6+ months has taken so much from us, from so many. You would be miserable in the current world, I'm pretty sure, but that is what I'd believe of the 22 year old you. You should be 36 and things change in 14 years. There has been so much death and destruction with the pandemic, lives altered forever. And the opioid epidemic and number of deaths by overdose is on pace for another record year of losses. And the protests. Its a sad, sad world. But selfish me would still want you in it - here, suffering along with the rest of us. COVID has even taken away our ritual of memorializing you on this day and it breaks our hearts. Many restaurants have closed their doors. Sadly, this includes both Fuel Cafe and Comet Cafe, both places close in your heart and with many memories for you in your short life. It is very possible that neither will reopen in the future. Dad and I have no 'back up plan' for this day. What to do to replace this ritual that has become routine, an automatic plan to get through the day? For now, we can only hope that both cafes reopen, but I don't hold much hope. Please continue to watch over your brother and the girls and give hugs to all our loved ones, especially Brandi, whom I think of every day as I watch our girls become young women. The sadness in my heart is never-ending. Sometimes I think I'm just biding time until the day comes where I will know if there is a place after this where we can be reunited. I love you, Ashley. You are missing from me, my Sunshine ~ your mommy
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2019
Morning, Sunshine. Bittersweet that your brother calls his youngest Sunshine. Caleigh has that as her name on her softball tshirt and he got her a necklace with a sunflower that says "You are my sunshine". I cried twice on your birthday. And I got angry - at myself - once as well. I was hugging your sweater, trying to feel you, picturing an embrace. And then I thought of all the parents and the children who were doing the same thing this xmas day - tightly holding a shirt, a blanket, a pillow - trying to squeeze out the essence of their lost loved one. I pictured being above all the rooftops and being able to see into all of them where this was happening. All the hurt and the pain, not just every day but now on xmas when there's so much happiness and laughter. And here I am, hugging your sweater and trying to catch a whisp of your scent, looking at dad's xmas tree with burned out lights and no ornaments. Just thinking how wrong everything is and knowing that in my heart . . it will never get better. So I cried. That was the first time. Then later, your brother posted a pic of his hand by your name on your headstone. He's never done this that I know of, not on his own. And I wondered "how wounded is he?". That was the second time. And then my selfish self getting agitated decorating this tree with dad. Dustin has all his ornaments now, so it's your ornaments and dad's BMT celebration ornaments. It's just so hard and painful and if it must be done, I just want it over with. And then I get grumpy with dad and make things even more miserable. And even though I want to stop it, I - just - can't. Because I am so miserable, deep down. And I let it surface today, your birthday. Because everything about this day is wrong. Even when I should be - and I really, truly am - grateful that your brother is in a much better place than he was a year ago, we're still without you. And that won't ever change. And our girls are now without their mother, too. Breaks my heart for them. And wondering, is she with you somewhere? With Dusty and Aaron, uncle Mike and grandma? Watching us with her girls? So tears were shed and guilt abounded this day, your birthday. We visited, hung the white lights and planted the Happy Birthday candles. And I was thankful that you weren't forgotten by your brother and by Molly. You are loved and so very missed, My Sunshine. So very missed ~ Loving you too much ~ mommy
Cindy Schwartz
August 7, 2019
Hey baby. 13 years later and here we are. You there, me still here. I'd give anything to change places . . Maybe I've finally found a way to describe the anguish of living without you for others to physically understand . . . gangrene of the heart and soul. A slow death, being eaten away from the inside out where no one can see it.
Today, like last year, started out raining. But of course it cleared up. The sun shone brightly. Somehow, it always does, this day. August 6th. What should be the darkest day of every year.
I miss who you would be, only left to imagine.
The most beautiful amongst us all seem to be slightly broken . . . women especially. The ones worth knowing are beyond repair. She'll always be slightly off centered. A clock, never set perfectly but you knew could still sing beautifully. And fools we are for attempting to fix her. Just read her, learn her, love her. Don't try to make sense of her past or dare predict her future. Who she was is not who she is, and is certainly not who she would be. You're not meant to understand her entirely. Because she's not sure who she is exactly. Let her sing her song. Watch her dance wildly to it. It's her time. Repairing that would only break her heart. And I'd rather be ripped apart from her than rip a part from her.
If only . . .
As always, missing you too much, My Sunshine.
And loving you forever ~ mommy
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2018
Hi Baby. It really is a crappy feeling to dread your child's birthday. It is just so wrong. It should be something to look forward too and celebrate. Instead, having to share it with xmas festivities that we don't really embrace, we have to 'fit in' a visit to the cemetery to see you - all dependent on schedules made by others. Unforced but it is what is. It just sucks. Feels like we're 'squeezing you in" to a schedule we don't even want to participate in. Or at least, my heart isn't in it. But there's your dad who, with all he's survived, deserves to have a xmas that isn't spent in a hospital. And your nieces who have turned out so well. And the children of your cousins. And auntie Barb who's doing her best to stay busy to not miss uncle Mike so much. And your brother. There's just so much sadness to try to overcome to at least put on a facade of happiness. I want you to be remembered on your birthday. Without having to push it everyone's face. REMEMBER!!!!! Someone say something about missing our Ashley on her birthday. I understand so much more now why you hated sharing your birthday with the most celebrated holiday of the year. Instead of feeling special sharing your birthday with baby Jesus. You said it accurately when you were a kid - "it's not even REALLY Jesus' birthday but it is REALLY mine". But some people do bring up memories. Some people do send messages without being prompted. You've been gone for over 12 years. That's more than half the number of years you spent here. And that's just so unacceptable. Yet it's true. I carry your green sweater with us to the family gatherings, just trying to keep you with us on your birthday. Your scent has faded from it. I never should have washed it so many years ago. We put up the little string of battery operated white lights on your resting place. And "Happy Birthday" candles. As we do each year. No cake, no balloons, no birthday presents or singing the birthday song. It's white lights, candles and singing You Are My Sunshine. This is not how it's supposed to be. Absolutely nothing right about this. But somehow it's acceptable by a loving god. I see so many suffering and I can't help feeling that we are being punished, because when it's hit after hit after hit, a beaten dog feels guilty. Are we being hit until we figure it out and get on the right path? We're not worshipping, praising god, following commandments so we are suffering wrath? It can be told that I am all wrong but you cannot convince me that it doesn't feel like I'm wrong. I guess the pain won't stop until my heart stops. So I trudge on with the broken spirit. It rises again and falls again, but it is the strength of my own spirit. A will and spirit to live to keep your memory alive. I miss you so very much. Please stay close to your brother now especially. Maybe you have some power to keep him safe. I know I don't.
Loving and missing you on your birthday and every waking day, my sunshine. Your mommy.
Cindy Schwartz
August 6, 2018
August 6, 2018. Another year. Without you and what could be. What's different about today - a year since last year on this day? For the first time in the 12 years since you left us, I awoke to pouring rain. I knew it was forecast. Last year was the first cloudy day, with moments of sun - the first year that wasn't full blown sunshine in 11 years. But today seemed more fitting for the gloom in my heart. And your dad isn't here with me. If you're out there, you know this, you know why and you are riding with him as he completes his mission to ride his bike west to east coast. I had to convince him that it's OK to not be here. That you are with him wherever he is. That you wouldn't want him to stop until he claims his victory. He's overcome so much since 2005. He needs this. But he is sad. They were in PA briefly and crossed the state line into NY yesterday - bittersweet. He is in NY today trying to find ways to memorialize you. Probably fighting himself as to why he's not home where he feels he should be. Doing our August 6 'ritual' together. And finally, there's no 'In Memoriam' notice in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. I couldn't do it to myself again. In fact, we cancelled our subscription after 30+ years. I thought about doing it, but I couldn't. The first time in 12 years there is no IN MEMORIAM notice for my baby. I know people are looking for it; expecting it. I couldn't . . . And what's good about this year on this date? Well, the sun did come out. Hasn't rained since this morning. Didn't rain while we were at the cemetery - auntie Barb was with me all day, taking your dad's place in support of me, of us. We cried at the cemetery. We sang your song together where you rest. She followed me to Fuel Cafe. The sun came out as I drove down Capitol Drive. I cried. We talked about you over latte at Fuel. Bought dad a shirt - he always buys something from Fuel and Comet on this day. From there to Comet for lunch. We talked about how dad and I used to drive you there and pick you up - often reluctantly - "all the way to the east side". Before Comet started selling alcohol in 2005. I had my two beers but no shots, like dad and I would do (then walk home, these past few years). Auntie doesn't indulge. I told her about my dream - another 'new' thing this August 6th. Since you've been gone, you've been in my dreams only twice. Sadly, both times you were already gone and I awoke with my chest hurting as I felt the dream-tears, the burning sobs that I felt in my dreams. My nightmares. But Friday night - well, early Saturday morning - was different. I went back to sleep and you were alive in my dream. It was surreal and, as dreams go, strange. But you were ALIVE, walking, talking, laughing. I heard your voice. We were in a park. I couldn't see me - everything was from my point of view. There was an exotic animal in a pen - maybe a llama? And we were sitting on the grass. There was a man and a mom and small child. The child had a minor injury and you were giving your advice. And then we were talking. Just you and me. All I remember is that you said you wanted to visit China. That's it. All I remember. Already it is fading, as dreams do. But the realness was in the 'lightness' of you. Somewhat childlike innocence of you. And your fondness for oriental and asian designs. I am so thankful for your visit, baby. It has been so long coming. Too long. And then there's Molly. We are in touch occasionally, but always on this day. She saw the flowers auntie and I left with you. She visited you on her lunch hour. She has no idea what her loyalty to you means to my heart. I know you live on in her heart. And that means everything. So today, in all its sadness, I feel love. Your love from the dream - whether the dream is prefabricated in my mind doesn't matter. The love of your dad, in his regret and sadness in not being here - for you, for me. The love from auntie Barb. The love from Molly. Love - it hurts, it comforts. It takes your breath in sadness and in a joyful heart. It makes things better, but worse. But . . . it doesn't change that you aren't physically here, where I need you. Where in my selfishness, I want you. But I have no choice but to 'settle'. Settle for that dream. I thank you for that, my precious baby. My sunshine. Love doesn't end. Not mine for you ~
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2017
Hey, baby. Missing you and what should have been. Sometimes I see adults interacting with their parents and I am envious. Other times, I am angry. Would we have gotten closer, had we had more time? Would you have forgiven me for all my 'misdeeds' while raising you and your brother? Would you be close to your nieces? Would you be providing strength and support for your brother? Would we be neighbors on the east side? Questions that can never be answered. This xmas birthday, you would be 34. I can't imagine you at 34. Yet I see your brother, cousins, friends that are that age and older. It's hard, honey. It's unfair. I'm tired. But I'm still trying. I could use some inspiration most days. I hope it's not too long before I may see you again, wherever that may be. When I really let myself think about it, I'm not afraid of dying. Not afraid of leaving here. And truly, I'm just anxious to see you again. I can't give up on religion, my 'faith', because I feel that I may be giving up on my only hope to be with you again. So wrong. So conflicting. But what I am not conflicted about is my love for you and my desire to be with you. I'm tired of your birthday being a sad time. 11 years is enough. Missing you too much, my Sunshine ~ mommy
Cindy Schwartz
August 7, 2017
11 years ago, Sunshine. On a Sunday evening just as this August 6th is a Sunday. 11 years is half your age at the time you left us. And this day, this August 6th is the first that is not bright and sunny, although the sun did poke through occasionally and was out while dad and I were at Comet. Today was not what it should be. It couldn't be about just you. Chaz left his loved ones last year on your angelversary. So unbelievable that his mom started attending meetings the very same night as I and that she would lose her son the same date as we lost you. I visited Chaz's memorial site as his mom couldn't. And tragically, there was a funeral to attend. That of the son of a man in my meetings. A young man named Greg. 10 months clean but still the drug took him a week ago. Such fear we live with here. So many families losing their loved ones tragically to this epidemic. 5 families that I know personally only in the past year have lost an adult child. And more beyond that. My heart just aches for you, for them - knowing what they're going through and what they will go through as time goes on without their kids. It's unbearable to realize that life goes on. How is that even possible. It is certainly not right. It does prove that life can go on despite being mortally wounded, having a large hole in one's heart. But forever changed. Not the persons we should be or could be or even want to be anymore. I should be having lunches with you, watching your babies during my retirement. Going for coffee, visiting family, taking trips. I miss you so much and miss the time that we should have, that can never be and the memories that we cannot make. Hug our loved ones who hopefully are with you somewhere. And hug yourself for me and maybe find a way to hug me back? I could really use a hug, baby. Missing you too much, my Sunshine. mommy
Mommy
August 7, 2017
Cindy Schwartz
August 6, 2017
My spirit, my world ~ today is the 11th 'angelversary' of our losing you from this world. You have now been gone for half the time you were here with us - 11 of 22 years. Tragically unfair in so many ways. So much left to be done, so much love to be found and so much love to be shared. We have been robbed of so much - cheated of so much. Left to try to find you in what has been left behind. Make me strong, make me purposeful. I will find you one day, I promise. Mommy
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2016
Baby girl, my Sunshine ~ another year, another birthday, another xmas. You should be 33, but forever 22. So many lost this year and in the recent past. So many too young angels. I can only hope that you are reunited in the spirit world with those you love, those you have missed for too long. Uncle Mikey, grandma, Dusty, Meghan and now Aaron; please let you all be shining, dancing and singing in brightness and the lightness of no worries, no hardships, no pain, no sorrow. Please let there be nothing but joy and light where you are and please let you all be together once again. I love you endlessly and still worry about you after all these years. Are you happy now? At peace? With those you love? Just a mommy's hopes and dreams for her baby, here on earth or in the afterlife. Missing you, my Sunshine, and looking forward to seeing you, holding you, hearing your laughter once again. Just can't let you go. Please visit me and let me know things are what we can only hope for. Love you too much, my Sunshine. Mommy.
Cindy Schwartz
August 7, 2016
From the moment you hold your baby in your arms, you will never be the same. You might long for the person you were before, when you had freedom and time and nothing in particular to worry about.
You will know the tiredness like you never knew it before. Days will run into days that are exactly the same, full of feedings and burping, diaper changes and crying, whining and fighting, naps or lack of naps. It might seem like a never-ending cycle.
But don't forget . . . there is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time. They will fall asleep on you after a long day and it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down, and never pick them up that way again. You will scrub their hair in the bath one night and from that day on they will want to bathe alone. They will hold your hand to cross the street, then never reach for it again. They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles, and it will be the last night you ever wake to this.
One afternoon you will sing "the wheels on the bus" and do all the actions, then never sing them that song again. They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate, the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone. You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face. They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.
The thing is, you won't even know it's the last time until there are no more times. And even then, it will take you a while to realize.
So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them. For one last time.
What I wouldn't give to have you crawl into our bed again. We would hold you and never let you go. Remembering you doing this even when you were in your twenties; you were so small, so frail then. Not the strong girl we raised.
I hate that your voice and your laugh are fading. I can still almost hear it in some of the pictures. I hate that it's been 10 years since you left us. I hate that for the rest of my days I have to feel like this. I only hope that the rest of my days will not turn into decades. And everyday I hope that if there is a 'god' and 'heaven', that he will be merciful and allow me in to be with you again, my precious Ashley.
Loving and missing you too much, my Sunshine.
mommy
Aaron Kami
January 1, 2016
Ashley, dear heart! I love you so much. I can feel you walk with me everyday. I hope that you are happy in knowing that I have had the blessing of becoming friends with your mum. She has been such a wonderful blessing and inspiration to my life. Our time together on this earth may seem short in comparison to all the time one can spend here. Please know this: not a day goes by that I don't miss you, not a day goes by that I don't think of you, not a day goes by that don't feel you in my heart. You are one of the greatest Angels to ever hold my hand when things get tough. I dream of all the moments we shared and I smile at all the little rituals we had. Listening to songs over and over on repeat before you left my house each night. You are not gone, you are not forgotten. You are with me, you are with your family, because you live in our hearts. Thank you for blessing me with the time we shared. Thank you for keeping an eye on me as I traverse life in the material world. I love you like no other friend. I can feel your love beaming back af me when I pause and remember how amazing you are. Love you dear, your friend
Aaron
Robin Allen
December 31, 2015
Remembering Ashley and all of our sweet children. We always hope that those gone before us are together, enjoying the most beautiful things heaven has to offer; and those we are still able to hug and able to say "I love you" to are safe and healthy and happy. Hugs
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2015
Hey baby ~ funny how we look for messages in coincidence. I hope they were messages . . .
Please continue watching over your brother and provide guidance for him - he's trying harder than ever, but we all know how fragile recovery can be. And protect the girls from any and all pain and evils of this world.
Keep close to Dusty and Brad and Lucas. Make sure they touch their families' hearts and send them signs of their love.
And finally, please ask the powers that be to send healing to Meghan and Brandi.
You are loved and missed beyond words, beyond imagination my precious Ashley. Grief doesn't end, but it changes. We change - we are not the same people we were when we've lost our precious children. We find a way to fill that hole, that emptiness that remains where our heart was. But there remains a soft spot, a forever 'bruised' area that's always tender and easily traumatized. There are so many of us - so many children lost and the damage left behind in our traumatized hearts is unfathomable.
I love and miss you so much - I wish you could've known how much you were - how much you are cherished. Do you know now? Can you feel me missing you?
Loving and missing you too much, Sunshine ~ mommy
Kathleen Duerr
August 8, 2015
I speak directly to Ashley, but for the rest of you, she flits around my studio, like the little magical fairy she was in real life.
from a place/time of happiness, love, and celebration
August 7, 2015
From a time of happiness, love, celebration
Sarah S
August 7, 2015
I am sitting in the dark with your rules by my side, silently not abiding by them. Everyday I dance to you, and for you--I push myself past all the pain,regret, under/ over emphasis, and try to submit to an area of logic behind this pit in my stomach, this loss. I am sorry I couldn't muster past my own self-pity today, and grieve the fallacy of logic....I miss you. Gonna come back, again...
Cindy Schwartz
August 6, 2015
July 3rd, 2006, I was on the back stoop talking to you on the phone. The men's world cup was in progress and you were watching it whenever you weren't working. You were so happy - your boyfriend, Mikey, had surprised you with a soccer ball. You sounded so happy. We talked about having you come home for a visit over Labor Day weekend to surprise dad for his birthday; he had just completed 8 rounds of chemo. I had some kind of 'relief' in my worry for you and for him. A week later, he had emergency cranial surgery. You were so angry with me when I called you, thinking we were hiding something from you. 3 weeks later, on this date, August 6th, dad and I were at uncle Bob's to celebrate dad's survival. You called on your way to a friends' place. You sounded good - upbeat. It was a good conversation. 3 hours later we were shooting off fireworks to celebrate. We didn't know that half a country away you were in the emergency room with a team trying to save your life. I got the call the next morning while I was at work. I left, like a zombie, without saying anything to anyone. This couldn't be real. We had gone through so much in the past 5 years already. God wouldn't do THIS to us . . . but it was true. We survived and you were gone, forever. Living without you is such punishment - for what? Doesn't matter. You are not here and I am gone. Someone else has taken over this body because with me, it couldn't survive. Wo much of me left with you and somehow it's supposed to be what? OK? My life goes on, but it goes on and on without living. If there's a higher power where you are, it would be ok with me to ask it if I can join you. Really. It would be relief and I deserve that, don't I? Grief is the price of loving someone we've lost, but enough is enough. I have to go on this way for . . . how long? The love never ceases, but your voice grows faint, your face grows dim except for the photo images. How long before you disappear? Not before I do on this earth, I hope with all my heart.
The world is neither just nor unjust. It's just us trying to make some sense of it . . .
But there isn't any sense to it. It just is. You're gone and I'm here and that is just not the nature of things. I'm tired and I'm ready, so please ask. It's the only relief I can imagine, so it's good - honest. My love for you is endless but I can't live indefinitely without my sunshine.
Please, no more sunny, beautiful August 6ths. I long to hear you say "I love you mommy". Loving and missing you too much, my Sunshine ~ mommy
December 27, 2014
Cindy, it was her. Because you were prompted to think of her, is the proof. This is how it happens. XO
December 26, 2014
Happy Birthday in Heaven Smash. Love you always,
John
Robin Allen
December 26, 2014
So many memories that we have, especially the holidays, birthdays, special days and also the terrible days we had to bare. My heart is always with you Cindy, Steve and Dustin, especially when I know you are grieving the most. Please, please know that Ashley is at peace and is watching down on you all. She would like you to remember the good times and be happy here with each other, until the day when we are all back together. You were given a very special gift on Christmas Day that you had to enjoy, maybe not as long as we would have liked, but never-the-less, YOU got her. Ashley and Dusty are together, along with everyone else that we got to love and miss. They are here in our hearts. Hugs to you. Robin
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2014
My precious baby girl. Today, your birthday, I want nothing more than to stay in my jammies and do nothing. Just nothing. Well, of course, there would be some beers while doing nothing. But no, can't do that. It's xmas - things to do and people to see. I'm thankful that we have family where we are literally surrounded by the kids unwrapping gifts to keep us preoccupied. I guess if I can't be home today doing nothing, being with family is where I need to be. Problem here is, while I'm surrounded by family, those most precious to me are not there. My kids. Why can't I have my kids with me? What did I do so terribly wrong to deserve such punishment? I won't apologize for being selfish in this. It's wrong. And then I realize, I'm not the only parent whose missing their child/children. There are all these broken hearts, broken spirits, broken parents. Todd and Rita lost Brad. We lost Lukas. Tragic losses. Too many too young angels. Are they with you? Did you meet them somewhere in the spirit world? Is Dusty with you too? Could you all somehow please shroud those of us left behind in comfort of some sort - of any sort?
Am I talking to you? Are you really out there somewhere? Do you see me as I write this? I want to believe in something; I want to believe you're somewhere - not just 'gone'. I just can't convince myself to . . . what? Have faith? Possibly . . .
So I put the green bean casserole in the oven this morning and went out onto the balcony to drink my coffee. It's been cloudy for like two weeks now. Maybe had sun for 5 minutes over that time. But at 10:00 this morning, I found myself awestruck by a scene unfolding that I have never witnessed. You know how you see sunrays 'beaming' through the clouds? You know, like those pictures of jesus or god with sunbeams? The clouds were moving north rather fast. There were scattered rays beaming onto the lake with the brightness of the rays bouncing off the water. And the rays were moving with the openings in the clouds, so the bright reflections were moving. It was so cool - it was like the rays were searching for something in the water - I don't know how else to describe it. And then for just a few seconds - like maybe 10 or 15 - the full sun broke through the clouds and was so gloriously bright - I could not look at it without filtering it with my hand and fingers. So bright that even with the filtering, it was difficult to regain my vision when I came in the house.
I would like to think that was you. Was that my sign from my precious baby on her birthday? Letting me know you're here - you're around me? Must I be a 'believer' to know your presence?
I don't know if I can allow myself to believe it was you but I WANT to believe it was.
I'm loving and missing you too much, Sunshine. If you're in earshot of a superior being, could you please let him know that there are too many too young angels already? If you're with Dusty, Brad and Lukas, could you please hug them from their grieving parents, giving the warmest hug to yourself from me.
Missing you too much, my Ashley ~ mommy
cindy schwartz
August 7, 2014
Missing you, baby. Another bright, sunny and beautiful day. Every August 6th since you left us has been like this - why is that? Worst day of my life and it's a beautiful day? God poking a stick in my wounds? After visiting you, dad and I went to Fuel and then to Comet and watched Empire Records. This is our August 6th ritual in your memory; always hoping that in tracing your steps, we might find you I guess. Don't know what I'm hoping for in doing this. What I do know is that I miss your calls, your face, your laughter, your walking around the kitchen table while you talked, watching you swing on the playset, snuggling with us in bed. I miss the future we will never have together. I would give everything to have one more day with you. Instead, I'm a member of Heroin Support and Heroin Memorial groups. This is not how it's supposed to be, yet I'm forced to accept. If only we could spend a day drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes while talking about all the things we never talked about, it would be the happiest and could even be the last day of my life. Please watch over Dustin and Pay and Cal and know that my love for you and them is unending, which means the pain is also. Brienne, Brandi and Matt could use guardian angels as well - so, if you're in the area . . . .Missing you so very much, my Sunshine ~ mommy.
John O"Donnell
December 26, 2013
Smash, miss you a little bit more every year. Love you and you will always be in my heart.
mommy
December 25, 2013
My precious Ashley. Who would you be at 30 years of age? Would you still be out east? Would you be in love? Would you have found happiness at last? Would we be friends? Sometimes I think maybe there's a reason that you were born on christmas. Like maybe god knew you'd be leaving me too soon and that your birthdays would be unbearable; so having you be born on christmas when everything is so hectic and knowing that I'd be with family, making this easier to get through? But it's always there - the fact that you're not. It always comes back to that. We do what we can to celebrate you on this day; keeping your birthday separate from the holiday. Your resting place is illuminated with white lights and angels and birthday candles. Family donations are made in your honor and memory in place of the gifts that we would have shopped for. All in an effort to fill the void of missing you, Asher.
And now, 30 years after your birth, here we are, living blocks from the hospital where you were born. Another subconscious effort to be near you?
I miss you so much; I try to find happy memories but they seem so long ago - an eternity, another lifetime. The last few years of your life were so tumultuous that it's hard to find something to feel good about - there are moments, but far too few to get me thru the rest of my life.
But today, while sitting on the balcony looking at the frozen lake and snow-covered landscape it was so quiet, peaceful. And i remembered the best new year's eve of my life. We were celebrating with uncle Mike and aunt Barb and Dan and Erin at our house. You and Dustin and Dan and Erin were all younger than 10 years. Someone had the bright idea to go tobogganing at midnight. So off we went to Dretzka park. The only light was from the brightness of the moon. There was another family there, so we obviously weren't the only crazy family. We all had such a great time together, making memories that I'm so thankful for.
I only wish we could make more, so many more. There's a whole lot of emptiness to fill here, baby. Missing you hurts so much yet remembering can hurt almost as much sometimes. I look at myself and wonder who is this person that I am - that can go on without you. I really don't think I know who I am because I should not be able to go on, yet I do. It would be so much easier to just let go, but I can't -
Missing you to much, my Sunshine.
Brienne Hagert
August 7, 2013
Because I have to blow mine out. Stayed up all night now morning is here & it's not a good morning. Xoxo
Brienne Hagert
August 7, 2013
Cindy; please contact me if you see this. I know it's the day & really wanted to find you to share so loved memories. I posted some dedications to Ashley on my Facebook page. Hope to hear from you soon. I still have my candles lit for Ashley & it's now 5:49am- the next day & the sun is coming up. So I guess I'll put them out with my tears. Miss you so much soul sister.
mommy
August 6, 2013
Baby - today has come once again. A bright, sunny August 6th - like the six August 6ths since we lost you. Why is today always a beautiful day? Is it you sending the sunshine to warm our hearts on such a dreaded day? A sign that you're still hovering in our midst? To let us know that there's still reason to hope - a reason to wake up again?
All day I think of what you may have been doing on this day, a Sunday. When did you wake up, where were you - what were you doing - 12 hours before you were gone, 8 hours, 5 hours, 3 hours, minutes . . . your phone call, the last phone call we shared just hours before tragedy in our lives. Were you happy? Were you grumpy? Upset? Whimsical? Were you with people you loved? The countdown of hours and minutes just swirls and spirals.
We will spend the day as we have now made tradition. Dad and I visiting you, singing to you. Coffee at Fuel. Dinner at Comet - along with some Irish whiskey. Spending time in places where we hope to find your spirit - places where so much of your time - happy and sad - was spent. Trying to 'feel' you there - writing in your journal, pouring out your soul - so lonely most times.
I try to find you - your essence - when in Riverwest, places on the east side, on Brady Street, at Walgreens. It's never what I hope for but I have to hope that you know that I'm searching - trying to feel you, to replace the emptiness. Do you know now how much love we had for you - that we still have for you?
Please find me so I know you're out there - give me a reason to keep waking up, baby. But reality is that I only want to be with you again, whatever that means. It's not a bad thing to want to ease your heart and soothe your soul - or spirit, or whatever is there. Help me find you, baby, because I am missing you too much. Too much. 11-1/2 hours . . . you were still here 6 years, 11 months, 29 days and 12-1/2 hours ago. Mommy's missing you so much, my Sunshine. There is no endless life but there is endless love. My love for you, baby.
May 12, 2013
Mother's Day without you is not a day to be looked forward too. Missing you is part of every waking day but mother's day is especially hard. There isn't enough room in my heart for all the love I have for you - or all of the hurt without you. Loving and missing you too much Asher. mommy
December 26, 2012
Oh my, baby girl . . . always trying to find that special gift for your birthday - something that would stand out from the xmas gifts - something that would make you feel special - that your birthday was a separate event from xmas. Like anything worldly would make you more special to us - but YOU needed this. Why? You didn't feel loved? You weren't precious? Every year searching and searching for that unique and perfect gift that would somehow bring you to the realization that YOU were the gift. Every once in a great while, there was success - funny how it would be some random thing that I was fortunate to come across. The Johnny Depp portrait that literally jumped out to attack me - "take me home to Ash!". Or the green sweater that I ordered online - only to find out that you had just ordered the exact same sweater.
I ache for the stress of finding that perfect gift for you. What would it take to make you feel so special? Why was it so hard? We love you beyond words . . .why couldn't that be enough?
Is Dusty there where you are? And the 20 babies from Newtown - and their 6 guardians? Are you all watching us and wanting us to not be sorrowful that you all have been taken from us? Where is the strength to come from if not from you? Tortured hearts need to know - are you at peace while we are left behind with this anchored sorrow?
How to comfort the loss of babies taken like wisps in the wind. And parents left behind to bear such fathomless loss. Please light the way for us and guide us to your loving arms.
Missing you so much, Sunshine - this day like every day, but especially on your birthday - mommy
brienne hagert
November 24, 2012
Hope you got my messages.
Brienne Hagert
November 24, 2012
Xoxo
Brienne hagert
November 24, 2012
I remember her pumpkin soup. I still miss you my soul sister. Ashes to ashes, nerver to dust. You live on in my heart. Always, Brienne
cindy schwartz
November 22, 2012
Baby - another holiday, another empty feeling. Another family gathering where neither of my children are with me.
I remember one of our last thanksgivings together. You weren't eating, but did make what was some kind of pumpkin soup. And then we tried to make a green bean casserole with a vegan cream of mushroom soup, it was very thin and we couldn't make it thicken. You did eat it though and I had some. Aunt Donna ate some and tried to pass it off that she enjoyed it. Wishing we could be together today to eat pumpkin soup and vegan green bean casserole.
Missing you so much, my Sunshine. mommy
August 6, 2012
My Sunshine - still waiting for time to make things better, easier - to heal all wounds. There's always the scar - the cover over the wound - trying to hide the wound. But I miss you so much, baby. Going thru the stuff in your room in preparation to sell the house - found homes for some things with Casey, Kelli & Amanda. All the kids books to Pay & Cal. Furniture to Dan & Vicki for the girls. Still hoping for a home for some things with Sarah. So many things brought to our new home to go thru, but to do so unhurried. There's a 'For Sale' sign on your home baby girl. Painting, cleaning - feels like we're washing away all evidence that any of us were ever there. But that's how it is.
Found a mixed tape that a male friend made for you - I know because he speaks at one point, saying "Don't stay up too late." There's what I believe to be an Egon Schiele drawing on the tape cover with a note inside saying "Maybe if I give her a present she'll forget what an awful friend i am". No song titles, nothing I recognize - some seem to be sung by a guy and girl, while others are more professional. Very random, but some of the songs really make me think of you and I listen to the tape often in the car. There's one song where there's a brief explosion of a young woman laughing that brings a vision of your gleaming face laughing. Some are very mellow and one even angelic, while others are raucous. Very much like you - I miss you so very much, and my heart aches even as I write this.
We missed you while at Kelli's wedding, knowing that this event would have had us all together, no matter where we were individually. It was truly wonderful, but that empty space beside us made me miss you even more. Without you here, I know that there will always be that 'space' that 'void' that was intended for you, no matter what the occasion.
Kinda funny - and I'm guessing that this would never have happened if you hadn't left us - Dad & I have tickets to the Ani concert next month. It will be difficult because we think of you whenever we listen to her music. I'd like to think that we would all be going if you were here - at a point in our lives where the friendship has begun between parents and child. One of the hardest things is knowing that we never got there. It hurts that I don't have that. Yes, it's all about me, again.
If you're out there baby, I need your help to be strong every,
every day. I need your help to please guide your brother, please somehow watch over him - if not for him, then for me because I cannot endure this pain again.
And please baby girl, if you are truly out there in some spiritual world, please somehow let me know that you are close. To feel you would somehow give me some relief, I think - maybe?
Six years - you would be going on 28 years old. The wound is deep and the scar is tender . . . missing you too much my Sunshine.... mommy
Cindy Schwartz
December 26, 2011
So much chaos going on in our life right now . . . I'm thinking that it's better that you are spared. But that only means that you're not here to experience it. I'd prefer that you were with me, but not to share the pain, baby girl.
I wonder how you'd feel about us leaving the only home our family shared, where you grew up. Would you be sad? Possibly mad? Or relieved with not so much as a 'good riddance'? Either way, I wish you could tell me. I'd like to know how you'd feel about us living on the east side - I'm guessing you'd laugh till you passed out.
I was remembering the only other time that I was in view of the lakefront on christmas day was the day you were born. 28 years later and here I am on the balcony in full view of the sun glistening off the waves. Very different than the day you were born. On your birthday, it was cloudy and very cold and the fog was rolling along the surface of the water. Somewhat 'dark', but vibrant and mystical too. As it turns out, very much like you....
I imagine that eventually this place will feel like home. But home is where the heart is and my heart is with you, not this place. I will never be truly home until we are together again.
Aching to hear your voice and feel your embrace, my Sunshine. Always my Sunshine . . .
Loving and missing you too much ~ mommy
December 26, 2011
Ashley, I was showing the hand you gave to me, to my son, Andy, yesterday, and showing him the Monarch butterfly I keep with it.
You brought me wisdom, child, and thank you for that. The love you gave is still here. We share that. See you when I get there.
Kelli O'Donnell
December 25, 2011
Ashley, Happy Birthday to you! I miss you and I love you. Schwartz's, you are in my heart now and always. Love, Kelli
Amanda Berard
December 15, 2011
Missing you and missing your Christmas cards (your birthday!) love you and wish you were here
August 6, 2011
Baby girl - Facing the pain - 365 days to the year. Every one of them with its pain, but today making us face it instead of dreading it. Trying to remember those precious hours, minutes, seconds. What were you doing? Were you happy? What does a person do in the 24 hours before the end? What if you would have known? I think of what you were doing - what we were doing.
The pictures in my head - them trying to save your life. Then, them cutting you to find out what went wrong. Why couldn't you be saved?
Where was god? Why couldn't you be saved this day?
The worst day? The day you lost your life? The morning after when I got the call? Every day there-after? The days and years before when we had the chance?
What I know - facing the pain of life without you, my baby. This will not change; will not get better with time.
A heart of pain is what remains; regrets beyond words. The shining star you were - the shining star you are. The hole left in my heart.
I will find you, my love. We will be reunited. My heart will not be whole until we are, baby.
Loving you . . . missing you too much, my Sunshine.
mommy
Kathleen Duerr
December 26, 2010
Cindy, Ashley was already made a gift to you. Look to what she brought you, and learn from it. Love it. The freedom that you saw in her...she demanded her freedom, her expression. All it takes to have it is to claim it. Claim it Cindy. But don't claim the misery. You will hold Ashley back. She brought you all the lightness. Be inspired by that. Leave the darkness behind. That was just for a moment. Step back into the sunshine. You will regenerate.
Kelli O'Donnell
December 25, 2010
Happy Birthday, Ashley! I miss you with all my heart. It's been an eventful few months here, and I can feel your presence through all of it! I love you so much! Love always, Kelli
Cindy Schwartz
December 25, 2010
My precious birthday girl - are you out there watching me as I write this? Seeing our dark house on your birthday, seeing us get together with family as the day trudges on? Feigning happiness, maybe even really feeling some momentarily, but the reality of your absence always bringing us back. No birthday cake today. No silly birthday song for our baby today. Or ever.
I wish I could just sleep through this day, or better yet, the entire month leading up to today. The reality of christmas doesn't allow it, though. And so, here I am.
Would it be wrong to think that I'd choose to be with you if I had the choice? Knowing this should make me want to fix all the flawed relationships so that I never have to feel this way again. But there's no strength for that anymore. I just know that I will relive this pain repeatedly with all the ones I love. But none as deeply as this. This is not something that can be recovered from. This ache for you is damaging - irrepairable by earthly means. There is only one true answer to the question of how to fill the emptiness left by your absence, and so I await the day when we will be reunited. When we can celebrate your birthday together. If the higher powers know this pain, I can hope that they will be merciful and let me be rejoined with my baby once again.
To be with you again is my christmas wish, Ashley. I love you and miss you beyond expression. But you already know this, don't you?
Loving and missing you too much, Sunshine - on this day and every day.
mommy
Kelli O'Donnell
August 6, 2010
It's absolutely surreal...I doubt i'll ever be able to come to terms with your life being cut so short. You had a whole life ahead of you and it's not fair that your parents were robbed of seeing you through it. Or your brother, grandma, family, nieces, friends...it's just not fair. I think of you every day, and I promise to keep my cherished memories front and center for ever and never forget anything we experienced ever. I wish you were here. I love you so much. I'm sorry we're not here together. I miss you. Love your sister always, Kelli
Molly Hogan
August 6, 2010
I'm a big believer in fate. I heard "Under the Bridge" on the radio this morning on the way into work. THAT is fate! Miss you much every day. Thanks for looking down on me and taking care of me the last 4 years!
cindy schwarts
August 6, 2010
Baby - Hope for happiness fades with each passing year. Memories bring brief smiles that can't mask the emptiness. But mostly, memories are associated with heartache . . the missing memories are the worst - those that could've been. And knowing that you never found happiness and contentment with yourself - that which you deserved - well, that's just unbearable. There was always hope until this day. And knowing that this is what the future will always be and the guilt for not being able to just be happy with the person you were - always wanting you to be something else, thinking that would make you happy . . like I had the faintest idea of who you were and where your happiness could be found - unforgivable. Would I ever have been able to make this right? Please don't think this is "all about me" - it hurts to know you felt this way. It's about all-encompassing love - and all the pain that comes with it. But I'll never be able to convince you, will I? Maybe you know it now? Do you see it? Can you feel it?
Your pain was my pain-your despair and all that came with it. The complete and exhausting helplessness. Only love such that I have for you could carry such weight. Do you know this now? Will you ever?
Your peace should be my peace, but I can't let you go - not yet, maybe never.
All the love in my heart, all it can hold, is yours. I miss you beyond words; I ache for the memories never to be made.
All my love, Sunshine ~ always and forever.
mommy
Ritamom
July 7, 2010
Ashley,
We (Casey, Kelli, Riley and I) spent some much needed time with your mom and dad. The visit was sometimes funny, sometimes peaceful but always bittersweet. You are missed. You are loved.
Molly Hogan
June 25, 2010
Thinking about you a lot lately Ashley. Miss you so much.
Casey O'Donnell
April 6, 2010
Thinking about you a lot today. I miss you SOOOOOOOOOOO much. I love you.
mommy
December 25, 2009
My Sunshine, Born 12/25/83 9:54 pm; gone from this world 8/6/06 9:58 pm. I read your writings, I don't understand. Were you so far advanced, so far beyond me, so far out of my reach? When did you become this person? Where the hell was I? So unbelievably amazing that I just can't comprehend. I want to understand, want to know. So complex; I too simple, so shallow. Take me where you are, where you've been. Let me understand.
I'll stick around, see how bad it gets. I'll settle down and deal with old regrets. You know I adore you. Can't let you go, you're part of my soul; all that I know; I can't let you go.
Is it better now? Do you feel like all is fair? Can we work it out so that it's easier for me to bare?
If love were a whisper, what could I ask you to speak? Maybe you're out of my reach but I can't let you go; you're part of my soul; all that I know. I need you so.
Life, it can blind you. I'm sorry, I let it blind me, Asher. I love you so, I can't let you go. I look to the day when I can find you and hope it's not far away.
Missing you too much, baby ~~
August 7, 2009
My Sunshine ~ The hole you've left behind, it just doesn't get any smaller - ever. Beastie Boyz, Chili Peppers, Ani - it's always there.
I can still hear your voice in my head - messages on my cell phone, "Hi mommy, it's Ashley"; "I love you, mommy". But I fear that in time, your voice will fade.
So many people get a second chance, why not us? Accepting this? Allowing this? To wake up to a bright sunny day, a beautiful August summer day -- on THIS day? No. People loving it, this day. No, it's not right, not this day. The sunshine faded this day. August, summer, sunshine - will never be the same. Winter, holidays - will never be the same. This day - WILL ALWAYS BE THE SAME.
I think of you when I'm gardening - still using the garden tools you gave me for mother's day, how many years ago? I think of you when I bump my head on your bike in the garage - I used to cuss - now I just say 'thank you Ashley'.
And I sit and I wonder why we can't be getting to know each other as adult women, maybe even as friends. You know, that's what's supposed to happen - eventually, moms and daughters, parents and kids - eventually they're supposed to be adults together, maybe even becoming friends. It's something parents should expect to be entitled too.
I can be hard, I can be bitter. I'm allowed. It comes, it goes. It's worse, it's better. But it's always there, because you're not. Try to be strong; not trying to be strong. Figure it all out. Empty the room; box up the mementos of 22 years of life. It was here and now its not, like a comet, like an eclipse, like a tornado. Fascinating and then forgotten.
You're supposed to be here. To be strong, to be weak, to be sad, to be supportive, to be you. Kelli and Casey, they could use your help right now. You should be here to hold them, to love them, to reassure them that their grandma is in a better place.
We can only hope that wherever you are, you are holding her hand, guiding her to everlasting peace. and together you are watching over all of us.
Missing you too much, Sunshine ~
mommy
Sarah Stetter
May 23, 2009
Saw a band, thought of you during a song that makes me think of you. The part that hurt the most, is that you never had the chance to experience or hear them
Kelli O'Donnell
March 6, 2009
Hi, Ashley. I'm just thinking about you and missing you so much. I love you.
mommy
December 25, 2008
Our baby ~
You should be 25 years old today, waking up to a birthday present before celebrating christmas. But no, you'll forever be 22, forever young. Our own Peter Pan.
I'll never forget the cell phone message you left me when I was stressed and depressed. It was kind of 'our song'; I'd sing it to you when you were little and sing it to you via email when you were in NY. I sing it to you when I visit your resting place, as I will today.
You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my Sunshine away.
I can hear your voice singing to me in the message. You'll always be my Sunshine; always the love that hurts so much.
Keep your spirit with your dad, keep propping him up to fight the battle of his life. I need him here. I can't share him with you. If there's something to be grateful for in not having you here, it's in knowing that you aren't suffering watching him suffer so.
Wishing I could chase you up the stairs with you screaming hysterically. Wishing I could rub your back, wishing you could crawl into bed with us. All the things I took for granted.
Loving and missing you too much, my Sunshine.
Rita O'Donnell
August 7, 2008
Ashley,
I miss the nice things you used to say to me. I miss feeling only happiness when I thought of you. I miss your hugs.
Ritamom
Amanda Berard
August 6, 2008
Ashley,
I was listening to Modest Mouse today. I first heard this band through you and now they're one of my favorite bands. There was a line, "So much beauty it could make you cry". This made me think about you. I really admired you. You had so much talent. I know we hadn't talked in a year but I never forgot you, I still considered you a friend. I still do. I'm planning a trip out to the east coast. Would we have met up? I would like to think we would have. I miss you.
Love Amanda
Kelli O'Donnell
August 6, 2008
So, when we were little girls we had big plans. Plans to grow up together, have a double wedding, marry brothers (of course), and live in a great big house! Plans that were obviously not going to happen, but are heartbreaking now when I wish more than anything those plans could be achieved because it would mean that you are here. Over the years we drifted apart here and there, maybe even going a year without seeing one another...but that was okay because we were growing up and I knew we'd eventually pick up right where we left off. Going to see you last year, we hadn't seen each other for a year. Only this was different. It was absolutely the hardest thing i've ever done walking up to your grave...admiting that things would never be back to normal, we'd never get to pick up where we left off. I love you, Ashley/Simie
Love, Kelli/Pokey
Cindy and Steve, I feel your grief and my heart aches for you both. I love you.
Kathleen Duerr
July 27, 2008
Baby Girl,
I know you're no longer a baby girl and that your spirit is so peaceful and beautiful. I know this because that's what I always saw, amongst the turmoil. But thank you, Sweetheart, for showing me your elevated spirit. I always felt your magic.
I'll never stop thinking of you, Love, because you live in my heart.
Forever,
Kath
Sarah Stetter
July 25, 2008
howe dyd i knowe/that ev'ry darte that cutte th aerie waye/ mighte not finde passage to myne hearte/ and close myne eyes for aye--Thomas Chatterton. I hope I quoted that correctly.
mommy
July 23, 2008
Morning, Sunshine ~
From the inside room when the front room greeting becomes your special book, it was simple then.
When the party lulls, if we fall by the side - will you be remembered? Will she be remembered?
Alone in a crowd, a bartered lantern borrowed. If I'm to be your camera, then who will be your face?
You're always on my mind, baby. Always in my heart ~
Loving you too much ~
mommy
July 17, 2008
Hi baby ~
Daddy's riding in the Scenic Shore 150 this weekend as a leukemia survivor. While I'm very nervous and anxious about his participation, I'm also very thankful that he is able to do this with our friends who've participated in this event in his honor since his diagnosis. And I'm very proud of him for taking this on. He wants so badly to be successful - to finish, and to do so without incident. He's doing this because he needs to and he's doing it in your memory. Please rest on his shoulder and guide him through safely.
Missing you too much, Sunshine ~
cindy
May 21, 2008
Hi baby ~
So I have this card; it's the last one I sent to you before you left us forever. You loved these cards, I think because they said so much that was unspoken between us. Sean sent it to me - he found it in your bag when he collected your belongings for us. It made him cry, he said. I still see this card in the stores and it always makes me think of you, but then, so many things - every where I turn - there are reminders of you.
Daughter, you're an original.
You have your own special way of doing things, expressing your needs,
looking at the world.
I've always loved that about you.
By being who you are, you bring excitement to life.
You stand by your own values,
view life from you own fresh perspective,
and invigorate the people around you.
From the very first, I've admired you,
enjoyed and been so proud of you.
And as the years go by, my love for you only grows deeper -
my honest, amazing, truly original daughter.
Loving you too much, Asher ~
mommy
Kathleen Duerr
May 14, 2008
I love you, little girl. I feel you around me all the time. Thanks for your little visits. I love your energy so.
Kit Kat
Kelli O'Donnell
May 13, 2008
Hey, Ash. I'm thinking of you and missing you desperately.
mommy
February 18, 2008
Our last hug, two years ago this day.
Dad took your picture before we headed to the greyhound station. It's a sad photo; valentine roses on the table in the background. It was a sunny morning. You were excited, happy to be leaving for NY to see Brett. It was to be a 2 week visit. Dad spoke his premonition to me before taking the pic, "you know she's never coming back". Of course he didn't mean THIS... Just that you weren't coming home to Milwaukee. Would you still have left if you knew you would end up in Philly? That your life would end there? I think it's possible that you still might have gone...
We stopped at Walgreens for some smokes for the long trip. I hadn't seen you this happy in awhile. I was almost happy for you, that you had something to feel good about. But I was scared too. But I really didn't think you would never come back. I wish I would have waited with you for the bus; spent those last minutes in Milwaukee with you. But no, just the anxious embrace in the sun, standing at the curb early that February morning.
So many lost moments. Not enough love in that last hug to keep you safe, to keep you home.
I miss you baby, so very much.
Loving you too much, Sunshine.
A precious gift December 25, 1983
December 25, 2007
Kelli O'Donnell
December 25, 2007
Happy Birthday, Ash! Merry Christmas, too! I miss you and wish I could call you and find out what you got for presents. Or we could've walked around Walgreens in our new pajamas again...just because. But that's not the case, so I'm forced to deal with the reality that I'll never talk to you again. I don't want to believe it, and I don't think anyone would fault me for that, so maybe I'll put off accepting it for awhile yet. This hurts. You were my sister. I love you so much. Love, Kelli
Mom, Dad and Dustin
December 25, 2007
Our precious baby, Ashley,
We knew Christmas eve that were coming. How special that you would be born on Christmas day. What a precious gift to dad and I and your brother - a Christmas baby!
The hospital wanted us to come in right away, being the second birth, you should come quickly. But we took our time. We sent Dustin to your great-grandparent's with uncle Mike, auntie Barb and Danny to celebrate Christmas as planned.
The hospital bag was packed, the handmade "Baby Schwartz" diaper my friend Jeannie made was packed; everything was ready.
Dad and I drove east towards St. Mary's, but as we got closer we saw how spectacular the lake was. We drove along the lakefront, watching the rolling clouds of frozen mist just above the surface of the water. It was an overcast day, much like today, but the lake scene was just gorgeous. Mystic.
We marveled at the beauty of this special day.
You took your time - you let the doctor enjoy the holiday with his family before arriving just before 10:00 that nite. It was probably the last time you weren't in a hurry - always anxious to be on time, hating to be late. Yet, you were still 3 days early.
You brought us sunshine in the middle of the nite. Our perfect, beautiful, precious gift this Christmas day.
Loving you and missing you too much, Sunshine. Our precious Ashley.
We ache for you, baby.
Kathleen Duerr
October 2, 2007
Oh My Little Angel,
Your parents came out to the movie. Wasn't that great?
I thought about you so often and spoke with others about you too. Did you hear us? Help us present your message, okay? Your Mom and I are going to tell your story. Please inspire us.
You have been a lovely inspiration to your loving uncle Mike. Keep up the good work.
Work your magic, Honey.
Loving you,
Kath
October 1, 2007
Ashley,
I thought of you today, as I do most everyday. I hope you know how much we all love and miss you.
Anyway, I just wanted to remind you that you are not forgotten...
~ Fallen ~
I can't get used to missing you
It's so hard to find the words
A picture that I chanced apon
What happened to the years
I think of you quite often
The good times and the tears
The sparkle in your laughing eyes
Had all but disappeared
You marched to your own music
Your own artistic flair
Even now when I close my eyes
I see you standing there
Love Uncle Mike...
October 1, 2007
Ashley,
I thought of you today, as I do most everyday. I hope you know how much we all love and miss you. It's like losing a piece of myself that I can never regain.
Anyway, I just wanted to remind you that you are not forgotten.
~ Fallen ~
I can't get used to missing you
It's so hard to find the words
A picture that I chanced apon
What happened to the years
I think of you quite often
The good times and the tears
The sparkle in your laughing eyes
Had all but disappeared
You marched to your own music
Your own artistic flair
Even now when I close my eyes
I see you standing there
Uncle Mike 10/07
Copyright © 2007
Kathleen Duerr
August 10, 2007
Dear Schoo Schoo, my little baby girl, Such a frail and lovely woman. Look how many have been touched by you? I hold you dear and precious, in my heart, like the Fairy Princess you are,the kind who grants wishes, watching from up in the very top corner of the room, fluttering your butterfly-like wings and smiling always smiling. I love you, Baby, and I'll see you the minute I get there.
Have you seen my brother Frenchy yet? You'll get along so well...two quintessential artists.
I love you some more,
Kathleen Duerr,
Davey Noble's Mom
August 7, 2007
Ashley,
It is hard to believe that a year has gone by since you left this earth. The pain of your loss is almost impossible to bear with so many reminders of how special you are around me. It could be a picture, music, sports, an old movie we used to watch or sometime just the smell of your room. I miss you and love you with all my heart and I often wish that I could have found the one thing to help you be happy. You were so special. You were smart, funny, talented, and a beautiful woman. I think of you every day. I think of our vacations to Disney, the Outer Banks, and Up North, I think of how talented you were in sports and the travel and all of your awards, I think of your artistic talent and your scholarship to SVA in Manhattan and our drives back and forth, I think of our sightseeing tour of NY and your Statue of Liberty pose, I think of you shocking the Blue Man Group member by kissing him after the show, I think of your smile your laugh and your sense of humor and much more. I miss so much about you and I pray that you have finally found the happiness you always deserved.
I miss you and love you with all my heart,
Dad
Brienne
August 7, 2007
Hi Ash-
Did you get my balloon yet? I sent it up to you around 10:45 or so- one year ago at this time I wish I was with you, sewing or taking silly pictures all dressed up as live dolls- There is a tornado warning right now- it storms for you. Right after I sent your balloon- I watched it until it was completely covered by the clouds- and when I let it go, I raced straight up! I knew you were laughing while we were crying. Right after I lost sight of it- I just stood silently. Then the whole sky light up with the brightest lightning- the sky was pink and purple and everything stood still. It is painful to let you go but I know you are here with me. I am keeping my head up, do get the thing done we dreamed of- you help me. You brought your sweet momma's friendship to me. I want to take her pain away, she misses you so much. I know what to do. Everything has it's way of making its mark and then it continues.
I think about you always and want you always with me. I'm so silly sometimes- but you know your blue coat you had? The one in the picture wit Aaron, his brother and Cathy- The little one you were wearing when I first met you and you wore it all winter and I always told you you needed to wear a warmer coat! Well, silly I know, but I look for that coat at every second hand store I set foot in hoping I can find one like it. When I think of you, your always wearing that blue coat.
I miss you Ash, you are something that is hard to express in words but the feeling surrounds me every where like the air I breath. Can't explain how I miss you but you know.
Good night.
xoxo, Brienne
August 6, 2007
My Sunshine - the loss we feel is beyond words and it continues and continues and goes on and on and on. Now we know..this is what it is when you lose someone who you loved more than yourself, more than anything in life. Knowing the future ahead is without you, no more memories to be made. This infinite void, emptiness that is thick and heavy - can't be dispelled or dissipated. This is the heartache of love? And to live with this forever?
A year ago today, you called me as you walked to a friend's. I was supposed to call you earlier in the day, but forgot. We were visiting your aunt and uncle with grandma, a kind of celebration of dad's recovery from surgery and rehab. I was just about to cross the room to call you, remembering that I had forgotten earlier, when my phone rang. It was you, and I immediately apologized, thinking you'd be pissed, but you were fine. Happy, almost. You had plans and were looking forward to a nite with friends. You knew we were at your uncle's and you wouldn't have called except that you needed some advice. As you walked, you found a set of keys on the ground. It was a residential area, not the greatest neighborhood. You tried the car alarm button but there was no response to indicate if the car owner may be near by. Should you take the keys? Should you just leave them where the owner may find them? Or maybe someone else would get ahold of them and steal the car or worse? We agreed that you would take them with you and throw them away so they wouldn't get in the wrong hands. We chatted until you got to your friend's door. You thought you might call again once you got inside - just to say hi to the rest of the family. I discouraged you, saying 'you don't want to be rude'; it was supposed to be some little girl's birthday. You described her as the "most amazing little girl, so intelligent" and "stubborn - one minute she'll hug you and the next thing you know, she's pushing you away - alot like me, hey?", and you laughed as I agreed. We hung up with you saying that you'd see about calling once you got inside. You never did call again. We went on to celebrate your dad's recovery by shooting off fireworks. While we watched the rockets shoot into the sky bursting into colored flashes showering above us, you were leaving us behind in this world. Did you see the sky exploding with color above us?
I don't know how to live with the knowlege of what we were doing as you slipped away. But I know that I am forever greatful to the owner of those keys, for he gave me one last chance to talk with you, to share moments of nothing that now mean everything. And I am forever greatful that you are the compassionate young woman that you are, that you cared enough to pick up those keys.
How I love you, Ashley. How I miss you, my precious Sunshine.
Always and forever, I will be loving you too much -
momma
Casey O'Donnell
August 6, 2007
Ashley,
Not a day has passed that I haven't thought of you. I always run across certain pictures or certain songs that leave me in tears. The other night I couldn't sleep and I thought about a particular sleepover we had. We took turns taking ten minute "naps" because we both didn't want to fall asleep! I laughed for a moment and then I was so so sad. I wanted to call you and hear your voice. I wanted you to laugh with me about all the weird stuff we used to do. I wanted you to tell me that I didn't have to miss you anymore. Then I thought about how sometimes I catch the sky just right, like you painted the clouds just for those who love you. I miss you my darling Ashley. I love you with all my heart.
Steve, Cindy and Dustin,
Stay Strong. I love you all so much.
Mary
August 6, 2007
I think back to the first time I met Ashley, a happy smiling three year old, and I can't help but smile. The Friday night volleyball at Soccer USA, with Ashley and Dustin playing video games and kicking around the soccer ball. Or the days at Brown Deer lanes, the kids running around, bowling, and fighting over the refs chair. Those were happy days. I wish I could go back and freeze time, when everyone was safe and healthy. But I can't. Time goes on, and sometimes it is too short. We all needed more time with Ashley. More time to see her creativity fully bloom, more time to allow her generous spirit to flourish, more time for her to realize all her gifts. And more time for her family and friends to get to know her. It was too short. Ashley's loving, creative, sweet spirit is now at peace. And we miss her.
Steve and Cindy, I wish I could find the right words to ease your pain. I think of you often and pray you may someday find relief. It may not help, but I know with all my heart that Ashley is near you always and knows how much you love her. And she loves you just as much.
I love you both and hope you can find peace.
Brett Berg
August 6, 2007
My Dearest Ashley
I think of you all the time - I know your spirit lives on and that you are at peace - this world misses your presents but we will meet again in the next. I love you - Brett
Kelli O'Donnell
August 6, 2007
Ashley, as I'm trying to come up with what exactly to share here, I realize I'm not ready to share my memories. I'm not ready to face this situation. I'm not ready to admit to myself that another sister has been taken from me. Everything I experience, every tv show I watch, every song I hear; everything somehow reminds me of you. We shared so much and I will never forget any of it. Soccer USA, birthday parties, pool parties, sleep overs, recesses, sports, World Cup, Jump It, dance rountines, swing sets, penny drops, George Webbs, BD Lanes, TIGERS, smiles away, Weezer, sharing clothes, shoes, stories, and jokes. You made my hair so perfect and beautiful for prom. The things I will never forget go on and on. More than anything, I wish you were still here. I remember the last time we hung out like it was earlier today. You were my sister, my friend, my therapist, and my partner in crime. I love you always. LYLAS, Simie.
Cindy and Steve, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't do anything to relieve your pain. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I love you both very much. Also, you threw the best birthday parties with the best games when we were kids. I always felt welcome in your home. I will always be here if you need me and Ashley will always be deep in my heart. I miss her.
Gail
August 6, 2007
Dear Ashley,
It is hard to believe you have left this earth one year ago, it still seems so unreal. My memories of you always come back to me with you as a little girl. The picture etched in my mind is a beautiful little girl with blonde curls, sparkling eyes and a shy little smile. Life can be so unfair, you should have been able to live out a long and happy life, but it helps to believe you are in a better place. It hurts me so to hear the pain and anguish in your Mom’s voice when we speak, I can never seem to find the right words to comfort her. Your parents miss you so.
Cindy and Steve (& family), my hearts go out to you, I’m sure this day is extra hard for you. Even though we don’t get to speak or see each other as much as we used to, I hope you know that you are always in my thoughts, as well as Ashley. I think about her often, especially when I look at my own daughters. I don’t think time really heals, but it might ease the pain as time goes on. I really believe that as long as Ashley is in your thoughts and memories, and in your hearts, she can’t really be gone, and that is one way to keep her with us, by keeping her memory alive. Lots of love to you both.
Molly
August 6, 2007
Schwartz's - Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you today. My best and fondest memories of Ashley would have to be the downtime we (all of us) spent during volleyball tournaments. During "byes" or when we had to "ref" and we could just hang out and talk. Just sitting near the cooler outside of the convention center in Utah or Indiana or Minneapolis. Wherever it may have been, it was always a good time. I think of Ashley everyday and wish she was still here, but am comforted by the thought of all of us having a very special guardian angel to watch over us. I can't believe it has been a year already. In some ways, it seems like forever ago, yet the pain is still fresh.
-Thinking of you today and always-
Rita O'Donnell
August 6, 2007
Ashley,
I hope you know how much you are loved and missed.
Love,
Ritamom
Steve and Cindy,
Words fail me but my heart feels your pain. I wish it was within my power to take away your sadness. I love you both.
Rita
Amanda Berard
August 6, 2007
Its hard to put into words how much you are missed. You left us one year ago but you never left our hearts and you never will. I think about you all the time and wonder if you know how sorry I am that we lost touch over the years. I still remember the last time I saw you. We never did get that cup of coffee but hopefully we still can someday. I love you and I miss you sweetheart!
To Ashley's family- My thoughts are with you today. You are all in my heart.
Love
Amanda
Ashley's favorite picture with mom
August 5, 2007
Modeling for Yellow Jacket
August 5, 2007
Showing 1 - 100 of 195 results
Make a Donation
in Ashley Schwartz's name
Memorial Events
for Ashley Schwartz
How to support Ashley's loved ones
Honor a beloved veteran with a special tribute of ‘Taps’ at the National WWI Memorial in Washington, D.C.
The nightly ceremony in Washington, D.C. will be dedicated in honor of your loved one on the day of your choosing.
Read more
Should I Send Sympathy Flowers?
What kind of arrangement is appropriate, where should you send it, and when should you send an alternative?
Read more
What Should I Write in a Sympathy Card?
We'll help you find the right words to comfort your family member or loved one during this difficult time.
Read moreResources to help you cope with loss
Estate Settlement Guide
If you’re in charge of handling the affairs for a recently deceased loved one, this guide offers a helpful checklist.
Read more
Obituaries, grief & privacy: Legacy’s news editor on NPR podcast
Legacy's Linnea Crowther discusses how families talk about causes of death in the obituaries they write.
Read more
The Five Stages of Grief
They're not a map to follow, but simply a description of what people commonly feel.
Read moreWays to honor Ashley Schwartz's life and legacy
Obituary Examples
You may find these well-written obituary examples helpful as you write about your own family.
Read more
Obituary Templates – Customizable Examples and Samples
These free blank templates make writing an obituary faster and easier.
Read more
How Do I Write a Eulogy?
Some basic help and starters when you have to write a tribute to someone you love.
Read more
