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Brittany Christina van der Goes
1993 - 2011
Brittany Christina van der Goes
1993 - 2011
Obituary
Guest Book
BORN
1993
DIED
2011
Brittany van der Goes Obituary
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Robert van der Goes
November 1, 2024
Hey Brittany. You, your loss, the travesty of your passing, they're all still there. I would have loved to see who you are at 31. The loss to time, of possible memories, events, family functions, of all those things that could have, should have been. We don't know why life happens as it does. I do know we miss you, yes, your smile with your dimples, the poses for photos if you'd let us take one, the whole you is what we miss. There is comfort knowing you are just that, whole in the presence of our Lord Jesus. I just wanted you to know I think of you a lot, miss you even more, wish you were still with us. Look lovingly down upon your family, we all miss you.
Uncle Robert
Skyler Westfall
July 21, 2024
I am not sure how 13 years have come and gone, but whoever says that time heals everything was wrong. You will always be my first love, and I will cherish every second spent with you. I hope you´re dancing with the angels, and singing your favorite songs. I miss you, so much and I will spend the rest of my life loving you. Until we meet again.
Sophia Harik
July 14, 2024
Hey Brittany, still think of you and remember our fun times at miraleste together, I´ve been going there a lot to walk around the track with my boyfriend who has been training running a lot. The school has so many memories filled with our fun times together growing up and figuring out how to navigate middle school! I still remember your super fun birthday slumber party at the hotel we stayed at!! One of my fondest memories with you, you always had me cracking up. I´m so thankful that you were my friend and I miss your beautiful face! Xoxo Sophia
Lucas Carbone
December 15, 2022
Hey you , I still think about you all the time and miss you so much , my dad passed away a few weeks ago , I know the both of you are looking down on both our families sending love
Love you both
-Lucas
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Mike van der Goes
July 31, 2018
Brittany,
How we so soon forget some of the greatest moments that we took for granted when we were together. Reading Skyler's message brings me joy for the fact that you shared your heart and love with someone that so much appreciated it. When someone speaks of the giggles, the touch, the smell, these are all little things we took for granted and now miss so much. I speak to you every day, as a father, the acuteness of the pain does not diminish, it is only spaced further apart.
Just spoke about you to a member today, it's hard to speak and share some of my feelings with others, I don't share because it hurts, I should share because it helps in the healing process...but I don't. Boy do I miss you, I love you, and Skyler...thank you for the lovely words.
Skyler Westfall
July 28, 2018
Hey you. Ive written so many of these but never have the courage to post them. I guess submitting one makes it feel a little more real then I ever wanted it to feel. You came into my life and as my first love and brought an abundance of love and happiness. I remember your smirk every time I glanced at you and the way my pillow smelt after you left my house to take on the 4 hour drive back home. I remember talking to you and Michelle on the phone just days prior to you leaving us. Your voice and the words you spoke left me grinning from ear to ear on the regular. I never thought this would happen. Not to you, your family, or your friends. I work very early in the morning and I find myself looking at the brightest star and knowing its you. Hoping Ill never forget you and youll never forget me over the years. I talk to you when Im alone hoping itll travel your way. I am so delighted and amazed that I was ever able to hold your hand, and kiss your sweet lips. To tell you I loved you and to always get it in return. I hope wherever you are, your little giggle is never ending and your smile is never fading. You were a big part of my life and the first real love I ever experienced and for that I am eternally grateful. Some day I will see you again and with tears in my eyes I will wrap my arms around you so very tight. I love you, and I will forever be missing you.
Mike van der Goes
January 17, 2018
Hey there Kiddo...
You would have been 25 today, I am sure I speak for Mom and your sister when I say that it still hurts not having you with us. I miss you greatly and hope, pray and wish that GOD will provide me with the opportunity to hold you, hug you and share with you once again how much I truly love you.
We all miss you and wish you a Happy Birthday.
Love, Dad
Mike van der Goes
November 4, 2017
Hello my little Angel,
Well...today is the day, I remember this day as it were yesterday. I can still feel the squeamish feeling I had in the morning, knowing something was wrong without anyone telling me the news. I was at work and decided to drive home, I called Mom and told her that I had the worse feeling and told her what it was. Obviously, she could not believe that I had this feeling telling me I was wrong and why should I share this with her. I remember calling uncle Robert and telling him the same thing, he told me to settle down, that there was a logical explanation. Don't know if you were already speaking to me through my emotions and feelings, but it hit me like a ton of brinks. Can't explain how or why this horrible feeling came over me, but I knew before Deputy Epp came to inform mom and me. Today is not easy, I don't feel sorry for myself as much as I feel pain for your Mom and Sister. Hate to see them go through pain, I would much rather have me go through the pain, taking this away from them. We all miss you dearly, I love you so much.
Love,
DAD
Mike vandergoes
November 2, 2017
Hey there Brittany...
You would think it gets easier to write, but for some reason, it does not. Writing to you today, as the day of your passing approaches my eyes tear up and I get that crappy lump in my throat.
I really have never spoken to people about how I feel, I keep all this bottled up inside, some days I do well, other days it is more difficult. On the outside people think that I'm strong, but inside I cry like a little girl. Still, I don't understand why GOD needed you so soon but will have to ask him why when I get to Heaven.
This must be my selfish side of me coming out, I am sure that your sister and mother both hurt every day. I look at your pictures in the hallway every day, boy, you were a tremendous daughter, both you and your sister are daughters that I am so proud of and proud to be called your dad.
Will write you in a couple of days, please be with Mom on this difficult day, give her strength to handle the emotions she will be experiencing.
Love you always...
DAD
Mike van der Goes
May 11, 2017
How is my little Angel...
It has been a while since I have written, but it's not because you were not on my mind. We just celebrated Michelle's 20th Birthday, boy I wish you could have been here, your sister is turning out to be a great young lady, just as you were. I am sure that on her birthday, she feels the pain as we all do, celebrating a day without her big sister. Mother's Day is this Sunday and I am sure Mom will hurt because you are no longer with us. Please give her the peace and comfort needed for her to manage this day.
I think of you so often..the pain never leaves, but I continue to ask GOD to provide me the strength to be a role model to others and I wish so much that I could hug you, kiss you and even hear your voice.
Will Always love you, will always miss you, will always call you my daughter.
LOVE
DAD
March 13, 2016
Brittany, this feels awful.
Hannah was the one to tell me--to remind us of the great person we lost.
I wish I could have been a better friend to both of you.
Brittany was here!
Mike van der Goes
July 27, 2015
Hello my little Angel,
Boy it's amazing how time fly's...I think of you so often, and talk to you when I'm in the car driving to and from work. Hope you are listening...my heart would be so happy if I were able to have you respond, but will leave this up to GOD to do.
There is so much on my mind, I find it hard to put on paper, me writing to you is therapeutic, because it's kind of writing you a letter and it makes me think you are still here.
All I can say is that my heart aches and I hope so much that you will remember me when I see you in Heaven. Still have not mustard the nerve to speak to your sister about you, I hate to bring this up to her as she was so fond of you.
She recently graduated, she took a selfie with Aunt Diane, and I guess you were there is spirit...but wish you were here with us.
Won't bore you with a verbose email...please know that I will always love you and you will always have a space in my heart.
LOVE
DAD
Luke Carbone
April 14, 2015
Hey Brittany,
I have been thinking about you alot lately, I still think about you all the time, I recently went through some old pictures I had of us and our families , it was very touching. I have began to dramatically improve my life, I only wish you could still be here to experience it, Sending love to you and your family.
Luke
Mike van der Goes
January 5, 2015
Hello my little Bootsie...
Not sure what I want to say, I had written quite a bit, but I deleted it all, I found myself just rambling about things...kind of ironic, I've been talking to you and I find myself just rambling, whatever is on my mind I speak to you about.
I guess the Holidays is a little harder for me, not having you with us, January does not make it any easier, as this is your birthday month.
Anyway, I find myself shedding some tears not having you with us, not knowing why God has placed this on me...I guess I should not be selfish, because he has placed the same on your mom, sister, aunt and uncle.
I'll keep this short, I miss you greatly and hope you're looking down on me, giving me strength to compartmentalize the various thoughts and feelings so that I can be the best dad and husband that I can.
I LOVE YOU
DAD
Mike van der Goes
December 3, 2014
Hello My Little Angel,
Hope the weather is great up there, it's raining down here. I was jogging this morning and I was reflecting on today (My Birthday) and remembered a special gift that you gave me. You were so cute, you said that you didn't have any money, so you gave me a box of kisses. You used an old bank box and you put on mom's lipstick and kissed the inside of the box, all over, so there must have been at least 30 lipstick kiss prints in the box...you said you got me a box full of kisses, not the candy kind. I still have that box and I keep it next to my bed. Why do we make it so difficult to appreciate and be grateful for what we have...I look back many a-times and feel sorrow for what I've lost. I know God would not want me to do this, he would want me to look at all the beautiful things he has given and provided me...but I'm only human, and I miss my little girl.
I'll eventually share and spend another birthday with you when I get to Heaven, that day will be my Birthday in Heaven and you'll see me entering, just as I saw you entering the world.
Boy...it hurts like heck, wish you could be here with me today.
Love,
DAD
Robert, Diane & Erik van der Goes
November 3, 2014
We think of you all the time, Brittany, and wish you were here with us all. But we can only imagine the exquisite joy of heaven you are experiencing! We will all be together again one day! Until then, you are in our hearts forever! Love Uncle Robert, Aunt Diane and Erik
Mike van der Goes
October 17, 2014
Hello my little Angel,
Dad's having a rough day today, whenever I do, I think of you and how this day is not as bad as the day that I found out I lost you as part of our lives. Everything is relative in comparison to what people have endured. None the less, it does not make losing you any easier. Some days I wish I were with you, leaving behind all this stress and worries that this world brings upon those that live their lives. We all have different hurdles to clear and navigate, please watch over all of us...your sister, mother, uncle Robert, aunt Diane, your cousin Erik and your Dad. Hold our hand while we go through our rough patches in life.
I love you dearly and will do so forever!
Your Dad forever and always!
Mike van der Goes
July 10, 2014
Hello Brittany,
Thought I would just send a quick note to you, I always look back at the time that I had with you and always regret not having and sharing more time with you. My thoughts have led me to share this little saying, hope that those that visit your guest book registry take away that life goes by too quickly and we should all slow down and appreciate what is around us. I call it "The Slow Dance"...
Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain slapping the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won't last.
Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask how are you; Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed?
With the next hundred tasks running through your head?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won't last.
Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, not see their sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die?
Cause you never had time to call and say, Hi?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won't last.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift…just thrown away.
Life is not a race, do take it slower,
Hear the music, before the song is over.
My heart aches for you and I miss you ever sooooo much.
LOVE
DAD
Mike van der Goes
July 7, 2014
Hello my Little Brittany...
I thought about you a lot yesterday, was not feeling well and was in my room watching television. Your picture is next to my bed and I kept starring at you...you are and will always be a beautiful girl.
Not having you as part of our family is truly a roller coaster ride, I can manage my thoughts and feelings well one day, but then I am swallowed up like a big wave of emotions the next day.
I drive by a Rose Hills Memorial billboard every day, it depicts an older woman, I guess old people are not the only ones to pass away. Although your time with us was too short, you left an impression on many people, especially me...your dad. I sometimes think about seeing you on that billboard, with a caption.."You don't need to be old to leave an impression, cherish your loved."
I'm not good at expressing myself, and I can't with Mom nor your sister, so I will speak to you through your guest book and at night when I can't sleep. Please give Bibiche big hug and a kiss for me. I'm sure uncle Robert would like you to do the same for him.
LOVE U...
DAD
Mike van der Goes
May 24, 2014
Hello My Little Brittany...
I've been thinking of you so much lately, speaking to you while driving and in the car by myself. It seems when life throws me a curve ball and life seems to be a little harder I think of you. Not sure why, but I guess that with you not here, my life is somewhat unbalanced. It's very difficult for me to express or show my feelings and emotions, heck I have a hard time just talking to you and you are my little girl. Life goes by so quickly, I feel that I am missing much of it. Yea...I know I'm not making much sense, but that must be how I'm thinking.
Oh how I wish I could give you a hug, a kiss, or just sit down and talk. I ask myself when this will ever feel like its getting better, but I have to leave that up to GOD and I ask and pray that he continues to provide me strength and patience.
I look at your pictures in the house, the collage of your too few years with us. You will always be beautiful, you will never have a wrinkle, you will never grow any older than your picture that I see everyday...you will never have a blemish, but those are the things I wish I could experience with you and that I miss so much.
I pray for all those that have lost a loved one, because I hope and pray that GOD also provides them the strength and fortitude to rest their sorrows in his lap and wipe the tears away that come from such hurt.
LOVE U A LOT...and will never stop doing so.
DAD
Mike van der Goes
May 11, 2014
Hello my little Angel....
It was a rough day for mom today, she misses you so much. Yes, I miss you a ton, but I keep my feelings between you and I as I speak to you. We had your sister's birthday on the 26th of April, it pains me so much to see your little sister long for her sister. She won't open up to me, but I wish and pray that one day she will. Most things that people place importance on is very trivial, the most important thing in the world is family, our family is not whole without you. What I pray most for now is that GOD continues to provide us strength in healing and mending our hearts....I pray for mom and your sister. Mom gives you a big hug and kiss....so do I and michelle.
LOVE
DAD
March 27, 2014
Oh look down upon us sweet angel above. Share your smile on our lips.
Share a thought in our minds.
Help us bare the loss of you in our hearts.
Bring tomorrow a fond memory.
Bring us assurance.
Bring us peace.
Help us through today without you.
Love,
Uncle Robert
Mike van der Goes
January 16, 2014
Brittany...
I am at a loss of words, no idea what to say, all I know is that I feel exceptionally sad.
Tomorrow you would have been 21 years old, we had spoken in the past that when you turned 21 we were going to take you to Las Vegas.
Mom went an dropped off flowers and a gift box at your grave site today and sent me a picture.
I had the best intention of writing something profound, but I am currently overwhelmed with feelings for my little girl and may have to wait till tomorrow to write in your guest book entry.
All I can say is...for those that have not gone through losing a child, they will never understand the pain that one has to carry with them.
I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!
Luv Dad
Mike van der Goes
November 9, 2013
Hello my little Angel...
Oh when I sit in front of the computer and write to you it hurts so much. We just went past the two years that you were summoned up by our Lord Jesus to be with him. Grandma is no longer with us either and I think of both of you a lot. It's amazing that little events have the most impact as it relates to me missing you. Today at work there is a wedding and the father of the bride walked his little girl down the isle, oh I wish I had that opportunity, but all I have left are the memories. I shared a saying on Facebook and wanted to also add it to your guest book for all to see.
"Moments in Life"
1. There are moments in life when you miss someone
so much that you just want to pick them from your
dreams and hug them for real! So cherish them while
they are with you.
2. When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the closed door that
we don't see the one, which has been opened for us.
3. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who
makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
4. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one
life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
5. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep
you human and enough hope to make you happy.
6. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
7. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
8. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. So live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
9. Don't count the years-count the memories.......Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but
by the moments that take our breath away! Amen.
Oh how I miss you everyday, as I said previously, I wish I had one more chance to give you a hug, say I Love You, give you a kiss, Etc., Etc.
My heart breaks for not having you in my life, I feel selfish saying that, but it is what I feel.
LOVE ALWAYS...DAD
Luke Carbone
October 22, 2013
Brittany,
Not a day has passed where you don't ponder my mind. I miss you so much.
Mike van der Goes
August 2, 2013
Dear Brittany...
I open this site so often, just look at your picture and choke up...I just end up starring at the screen and just can't put the words down on paper.
I miss you so much..you have no idea.
LOVE U...DAD
Mike van der Goes
June 17, 2013
Hello Again Brittany,
Yesterday was Father's day and I opened up the drawer which had your box full of kisses, it was so sweet, you put on lipstick and you kissed the inside of a box, you came to me and gave me the box and said...Dad, I am giving you a box of Kisses. I will cherish this forever and hold it close to me all my life. I stumbled across a letter that I had written to you, I have added it below. LOVE YOU ALWAYS...DAD
Dear Brittany,
As you grow up, especially through your teenage years you will request and need your own space, being seen or hanging around with Mom or Dad will not be cool, especially if seen by others. I remember a time when Robert, Paul and I were heading down to a little town in Aquadulce (Small Town in Spain); he was so excited to do something with us “The Boys” as he would refer to us. Robert was still young and liked the fact of doing things with Paul; I was older and did not want any part of such time. I remember that I felt stupid and a little embarrassed when we were walking through the street of the little town; I wanted to keep my distance and either remaining way behind or way in front of Paul.
I see a lot of me in you, especially personality wise and understand what you might be going through with regards to the relationship which you are experiencing with both Mom and I. It is difficult for me to see this transition because through your life you were always dependent on either me or mom. When something went wrong you sought comfort and security in the presence of your parents, have it be through being in my arms, sitting down next to me or just being in the presence of an adult figure, which provided you with a sense of comfort and security.
As you muddle through these years you will undoubtedly experience a wide range of emotions and experiences, many of these you will request or desire to handle on your own, not bringing attention of such to either of your parents and I understand your desire in doing so. What pains me is that while you are trying to address these on your own, you become very secluded, both emotionally and verbally; I see and feel your struggles, but am not able to provide guidance because I do respect your desire of privacy. What I do want to express is that I have seen too many kids attempting to rectify or address these on their own and it only drains and takes a lot out of somebody when they try doing so without the help or guidance of their parents. Hopefully you feel that I remain non-judgmental and stay open-minded on many of the issues that are brought before me to help you with.
There is a little story, one which you may have already heard, but I wanted to share it with you anyway; There once was a young girl, she had a dream, it was about Jesus and Her…She remembered that Jesus told her that she need not be afraid of what lie ahead of her in life, that he would be there with her on her journey through life…walking next to her and holding her hand and helping her through many of the tough and turbulent times that she may encounter. Well…in her dream she saw two sets of foot prints as she walked through life, at times she noticed that there were only one set of foot prints, she became concerned and confronted Jesus on his promise, she said “Jesus, I feel that you have lied and let me down, you said that you would be here with me and walk with me through life, assisting me in the difficult times that lie ahead and or that I may have experienced, but when looking back, during the times I needed your help and guidance, I see that there was only one set of foot prints and that you were not next to me as you had said you would”, Jesus replied and said, but I was, the set of foot prints that you see are mine, during these times that you reference to, I picked you up and held you in my arms, kept you safe and helped you through.
All that I am saying Brittany is that even though you may not think or feel that there may be anyone next to you, walking through life and helping you, I am right next to you, if need be I will pick you up and hold you in my arms as Jesus did, keeping you safe and helping you through any tough times that life will throw at you or that you may experience.
There are a lot of mistakes that I have made through my life, and I am sure that I will continue to make mistakes, but hopefully I will learn from them, making me a better Person, Father, Brother, Son and Husband. I (your dad) only want what is best for his daughter and I will continue to feel that way no matter what happens in life.
Another little saying….”A son is your son until he has a wife, your daughter is your daughter throughout the rest of your life”. You will understand this better as you get older….Brittany I love you dearly and just want you to know that I will always be there for you, in spirit and mind; should you need someone to talk to, again hopefully you will know through how I carry myself that I am calm, rational and open-minded. It hurts me to see you upset, sad, frustrated…help me help you to enjoy life…we only get one chance at it.
Love Always,
Daddy
Mike van der Goes
June 12, 2013
Hello my Beautiful little girl...
You will always stay my little girl, you will never age in my mind and how I remember you.
Life throws us curve balls each and every day, the more we live and experience life, the more regrets we take with us on our journey. Hopefully life teaches us on how to minimize our regrets by changing for the better.
Unfortunately I will always regret not spending more time with you, giving you a kiss, providing that hug which you wanted or the shoulder to lean on. Mom did such a good job, that I just got wrapped up with busy work, trying to provide for you and your sister, forgetting the beautiful things in life.
GOD will always be part of my life and I pray and ask that he gives me strength each and every day to take on the challenges that life places in front of me.
I must be going down that "Valley of Shadows" because you have been first and foremost in most of all my thoughts, this brings me back to the longer you live, the more regrets you pile up.
As I have said before and will continue to say, I wish I had one more day with you, one more hug, one more laugh, one more kiss, one more of anything because the time with you was so precious and now I can never get that back.
LOVE U SO MUCH...
DAD
Mike van der Goes
May 13, 2013
Good Morning Brittany...
Mother's Day came and went just like all the other Sunrises and Sunsets, I could tell from Mom that Mothers Day's just is not the same. She misses you soooo much, we all do and wish I would let you know this in person.
There is a little saying that I came across which Aunt Diane posted, it's one that I truly reflects how I feel.
"If I had to choose between loving and breathing, I would use my last breath to tell you...I LOVE YOU"
I Love you dearly, every day that goes by is one where I continue to remember you and miss you so much more.
Love,
Dad
Mike van der Goes
May 9, 2013
Hey there my little Sweetheart....
I guess I reach out to you when I am having a bad day or week, I see your pictures almost everywhere I turn and the emptiness that I experience is indescribable.
All I can say is..."DARN I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND WISH AND PRAY FOR ONLY ONE MORE DAY WITH YOU"
WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER...DAD
CRYING FOR MY LITTLE GIRL
Mike van der Goes
April 26, 2013
Hello my little Angel...
Hope your wings are as white as fresh falling snow and as bright as the sun and stars.
It has been a rough week for those of us that have been left behind, Grandma (Biche) left us to be with you and GOD on Monday.
Hope you remembered your manners and welcomed her in to the beautiful kingdom. Michelle was so sad to have Biche transition on from here to Heaven, but she took comfort in the fact that she was going to be with you. I now have two large voids in my heart which band-aids just won't patch. As Biche used to say, death is not hard for those that go spend time with GOD, it is most difficult for those that are left behind.
With all this happening this week, guess what...your little sister just turned 16 today, you would be so proud if her, she had to grow up so fast, dealing with all that she has had to during her very short life.
I remain ever so proud of her, I am blessed to have the opportunity in calling you both my daughters.
No matter how far you are from me, you are always in my heart and in my mind.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and it is kind of weird to say that I am envious of Grandma to have the opportunity to go and see you and be with you.
Hoping for the day to meet up with the two of you and give both of you a great big hug and kiss.
LOVE ALWAYS...
DAD
Mike van der Goes
April 12, 2013
Dear Brittany....
Grandma is not doing well at all, I truly believe that she will join you within the next month or so. I decided to write you a little love song, a love song to remember you.
Maybe it's the way you let your hair down on a Sunday afternoon
maybe it's the way that I see you're romantically attracted to the moon
maybe it's the perfume that I know you don't really wear
or maybe it's the way you dance when you think there ain't nobody there
I love you in the morning without warning before the sun begins to rise
and in the evening I can tell your feelings just by looking in your eyes
I hear songbirds in the garden sing to you on holidays
and all my woes and troubles have double since we've gone our separate ways
sugar, dandelion, honey, peach never did too much for me
cause I ain't no Casanova and no I never ever tried to be
but something in your smile charms me like a child and then
I've seen you turn thieves and outlaws into nothing less than perfect gentlemen
well the moon is in the mountains and the night is taking pictures of the sky
and I've got nothing for you, nothing but this simple lullaby
now should your mind forget me, regret me, or even do me wrong
you'll always live here in my heart cause baby that's right where you belong
I LOVE YOU BRITTANY AND MY HEART ACHES FOR YOU EVERY DAY..
LOVE,
DAD
Mike van der Goes
March 22, 2013
Well...Brittany,
I ran the Marathon and asked for you help me keep going, I guess I needed all the assistance from you that I could as I had not trained for the run. Coming around mile 23 I felt a wave of emotions...I felt that you were right next to me, pushing me forward, I had to put my sunglasses on because I started to cry, you felt so close to me, not sure why or how to explain the feeling, but it was one that I loved having.
I LOVE YOU, I will continue to run in remembrance of you. What I want to make is a shirt that says that I will run, walk or crawl but never give up because I run in remembering Brittany van der Goes.
Hope you find rest and comfort, hope I can hold you once again.
LOVE
Dad
Mike van der Goes
March 7, 2013
Hello Brittany,
No I have not forgotten about you, nor did I forget to write. Unfortunately my last two entries were not posted, not sure why, but I would have to guess that the poems I had written for you were a little dark or somber. That's okay, I have them saved and hope to reword them later on so that others might be able to share what I thought were beautiful poems in remembrance of my sweet little girl. Some of the most beautiful songs have a hint of darkness or somberness, these poems were just that, nothing more nothing less and hope that people don't read too much into the words and try to think where someone's mind might be just based on words.
I love you dearly and hope you know that I would never jeopardize my own health based upon what I write....I love your Mom, Sister and Family too much. Those that feel that way or even think of such actions must not have had a tragedy (loss of a loved one), otherwise they would understand what those that are left behind feel and have to bear as daily reminders and heartaches.
MUCH LOVE,
DAD
Luke Carbone
February 25, 2013
To Michael , Christina , and Michelle, Brittany will forever be there for you I promise, as she may not be here in person for you, here spirit and soul will be here to guide you in the right directions just ask her for the guidance, she's there for you all.
Luke Carbone
February 25, 2013
Hey Brittany its Luke, time has passed and not one day has gone by where your beautiful smile has gone through my head, You helped me realize things about myself where no one else would give me that chance. You have created the young gentleman I am today, I talk to you all the time I hope you can connect with me and hear my thoughts and prayers, you taught me Love and Confidence. You have the most amazing Family in the world, your sister looks like you more and more every time I see them, as I told you five years ago she would grow up to be a beautiful young girl as yourself, you gave me something special that will be remembered till my next life time, I only wish I could still smell you and see that gorgeous smile of yours again, when this guestbook signing was first put up I wrote a book and it was not posted I hope this one makes it out to you so you know you and your family will be in my heart FOREVER
Mike van der Goes
February 18, 2013
Hey there Brittany,
It feels just like it was yesterday that we all took the trip to Spain with Grandma. Michelle is signing up for duel citizenship and while I was looking for the passports, there was your passport with little stamps of where you were and what parts of the world we traveled as a family.
I wish the travels in my life still had room for you, placing your own stamp of memories...the trials and tribulations that we share as individuals and as a family.
I wish you the best in your travels through Heaven, I hope that one day you can greet us all and stamp our pass in to Heaven so that we can all be together once again.
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SOOOOO MUCH,
DAD
Mike van der Goes
February 6, 2013
Hey there my sweet little girl...it's amazing to see how much you still have an influence on your sister. The sadness and the missing of her best friend still shows on her face and actions. She put up a good act around others, but in the confines of her little world, I can see how much she still misses you. I pray and hope that you are able to reach down from Heaven and give her the support she needs as she moves on with her life, she will always look back and see you in her life...that I don't think will ever change.
I likewise look back on many fond memories, those are the ones that hurt the most. I miss you so very much...it's amazing the love that a parent has for a child, I will never be able to put such love that one has in words...parents know that feeling and only parents that have lost a child can understand the void.
I LOVE YOU..
DAD
Brittany Birthday Flowers
Mike van der Goes
February 2, 2013
Hey There Brittany,
It has taken me some time to muster up the courage to write again, man...I just don't understand why it is so painful and so difficult to write. Maybe it's because I remember you as you were.....my daughter, one that I loved so very much. This week I have had trouble sleeping and when i roll over, i see your picture on the wall. You will always be remembered that way, no wrinkles, no aging, no blemishes, not scars...just a perfect picture.
It was so nice, your uncle Robert, aunt Diane and cousin Erik sent over flowers for your birthday...they were so pretty. The drive to and from work are still the hardest...too much time to think and wonder where I made mistakes and how I could have possibly changed things.
"LIVE TO LOVE ONE SOUL"...
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, I HAVE IT TATTOOED ON MY BACK IN HONOR AND REMEMBRANCE OF YOU.
LOVE,
DAD
Mike van der Goes
January 16, 2013
Hello my little Brittany,
I know that many people even your mom may not know why we selected the name Brittany for you (I guess I had a little secret when I saw this beautiful sight when watching the Tour de France). Well, here is a hint, " The Brittany Peninsula" which is located off the coast of France, it is a beautiful piece of work that GOD created on earth for all to share. His creation of you was and still is just as beautiful. I'm taking tomorrow off, so that I can remember your birth and the joy that it gave me when you entered the world, plus I know mom will need my help tomorrow as she manages her emotions.
I just wanted to share with you and with others two Brittany's both beautiful in their own way and both created by GOD for those to view and admire.
I LOVE YOU BRITTANY...HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY, I WISH YOU WERE HERE SO THAT I COULD SPEND IT WITH YOU.
LOVE...DAD
January 15, 2013
Hi Brittany! 20 years ago this Thursday you were born. A bundle of joy. I remember when your dad came out and hugged me and said, "Its a girl!" I hope the angels sing, sing, sing happy birthday to you. I also hope that you smile on your mom, dad and sisters hearts this week. That you bring them good thoughts of you and that God continues to give them the amazing strength it takes for them each and every day. We all love you, we all miss you, we all wish you a happy birthday!
Love,
Uncle Robert
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRITTANY
Mike van der Goes
January 15, 2013
Good Morning Brittany,
It will be your Birthday on Thursday, but I think that trying to write you on that day will be a little too difficult. I remember when I bought you your first car when you turned 16, a convertible Z28 Camaro, it was a nice car but ultimately was a lemon. But it was nice for a while, I wish I could have done more for you, I did not manage my life very well, but have learned and hope that I won't make the same mistakes. I look back and wonder if I was a good father, wish I would have done things differently, wish I would not have waited till tomorrow for the things I could have done today. Please forgive me if I was not the dad that you had expected to me to be...unfortunately I came with many flaws, the one thing that I did get right was the love I had for you, this was unconditional and still lives on today although you are not with us. You and your sister mean the world to me and hope that through my actions that you and she can understand that. Not quite sure what life has in store for me, what GOD has planned for me, but all I ask is for a chance to see you again. You would have been 20 years old on Thursday and I wish you a very happy birthday, hope GOD has big plans for you...
I MISS YOU AND CRY A TEAR EACH AND EVERY DAY. HOPE THE HURT AND PAIN EVENTUALLY GOES AWAY.
LOVE FOREVER...DAD
Mike van der Goes
January 11, 2013
Oh Brittany...
Today was mom's birthday, but as with mine, birthday's are just not the same without you in our lives. I am sure mom got to spend time with family and friends that came by to wish a good day, but I know that deep down..all she wants is her little girl back. Not sure why this came upon our family, I hope to one day know why. In the meantime, please give your mom the strength to get through this day. Yea... it's going to be a little tougher next week when your birthday comes around.
Oh how I miss you so, it's 8:41pm and am just getting to go home, nothing new I guess you would say.
I LOVE YOU!
DAD
Mike van der Goes
January 6, 2013
Hello my little Brittany...
It's been a little rough for me to write during the Holiday Season, just because you are not here with Mom and Michelle to share such special moments...it's not like the Hollywood Movie endings, where everything turns out great and ultimately concludes with a happy ending. All I ask GOD to provide us now is happy memories and happy futures. It will never be the same without you, it's hard to explain or describe how your passing has changed me, but it has, and hope that it's for the better.
I wonder at times if you can hear me...I talk to you almost every day, but writing to you helps me very much....I miss your wit, your stubbornness, your passion, your caring, I miss your laughter.
Although I can't go back and change what has happened, I am so thankful to GOD for blessing you in my life for the 18 years that I had you, writing makes me feel better, but also brings out the pain and the weird felling that my whole body gets...it's kind of a numbing feeling and I am sure this feeling will forever be with me...I can't hide from it, I can't run from it and I can't sugar coat it.
I LOVE YOU EVER SO MUCH....
DAD
Mike van der Goes
December 25, 2012
Brittany,
I wish I could start off by saying Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays, but I guess I just say those words because others should share in the joy of Jesus' birth. I had a lot of time to think today, I think that last year I was just too numb because it was still too fresh. This year I take this holiday with mixed emotions...I love the family being all together, but I ache because your are not here to be part of the family. So yes, it's a double edged sword, also I catch myself acknowledging the birth of our Savior "Jesus", but likewise catch myself with sadness of your death. Mom, Michelle and I miss you so much, I don't talk to people, I speak to you and hope you can hear me.
LOVE U FOREVER...
DAD
One Little Tear Drop on my desk Papers
Mike van der Goes
December 20, 2012
Hello Brittany,
It's dad again, just wanted to share a little picture with you...I guess one little tear drop passed by my tissue and found its way on the paper that I had on my desk...here is my little tear for you.
Love,
DAD
Mike van der Goes
December 20, 2012
Brittany,
I hope you are safe and comfortable in Heaven, you were probably at the gates of Heaven welcoming the 20 new little angels that arrived...poor parents of the school shooting, I guess I should say poor loved ones for all who perished on that awful day. You always loved kids and I know you would have been a great mom, so all these little ones I am sure are being well looked after.
It feels like I do this more often than I would like to acknowledge...sitting at my desk, my door closed and shedding tears because you are no longer with us. I am torn inside because I see and feel the pain on your sister and mom, I don't wish this type of pain on anyone. Only those that have suffered the loss of a child will know what I go through, but non the less, the world still turns, the sun still rises and the moon still shines at night. Early in the mornings I look up at the sky and see all the little stars and wonder which one of those is you, looking down on me. There are many times I wish I could crawl up in a ball and hide, run away from the pain, but GOD must have bigger plans for my right now and it's not my time.
This time of year I am sure will always hurt more than others because this time of year is a time for family to gather around and celebrate the life of our savior Jesus Christ. I am embarrassed to say that I lose focus about what this time should really mean to all of us because of the hole and void that is now with me because you are no longer with me (us).
Oh I miss you so much, I saw some pictures of you and your cousin (Vicky)...you were such a beautiful girl and I will always love you.
PLEASE PRAY FOR MOM AND MICHELLE, BRING THEM STRENGTH DURING THIS TIME.
LOVE DAD
Mik van der Goes
December 3, 2012
Good Morning my Little Sunshine,
Rather ironic that I use "Little Sunshine" to address you this morning as there is little sunshine due to it raining.
The little rain drops are little tears from Heaven and I will cherish these today when I go outside, or just watch them fall from the window.
Yea...it's my birthday and my wish would have been to hold you one more time, kiss your cheek again, smell your perfume while you walk by, so many one mores which I would like for my birthday, but I guess all these wishes will be pilled up for me to redeem once we meet again in Heaven.
I LOVE YOU AND WISH YOU WERE HERE WITH ALL OF US ON MY BIRTHDAY.
LOVE,
DAD, MOM AND MICHELLE
Mike van der Goes
November 29, 2012
Hello again Brittany,
Boy...today is one of those crappy days, not sure why sometimes I just get knock down by an emotional wave, it never gives me any warning or notice, but when it hits, darn...it just engulfs me fully. The heart ache and sadness that it brings is not one that I would like anyone to experience, but it is one that unfortunately I have to deal with regardless of if I want it or not.
I look at your pictures and wish ever so much that I could have changed things or have God take me instead of you, maybe that is me just being selfish, I just don't know.
I MISS YOU :-(
LOVE
DAD
Mike van der Goes
November 26, 2012
Hello Brittany,
The Holidays are right around the corner and the longing feeling of wanting you to be here with us will be ever so present. Grandma just emailed me and you have another friend with you in Heaven, Lottie Hoffman passed away over the weekend and I hope you were there to greet her and give her a big hug, she was so fond of you.
My birthday is coming around in less than a week and if I could ever wish for something...I wish I had you back with me. I signed up for the L.A. Marathon, it brings back memories of you and I jogging, getting in shape and the goal for you was to beat your dad on the five mile loop. Also, we called you the Michelin Man, you wore tons of clothes and it made me laugh when you went jogging with me...I miss those days so much.
Michelle, Mom and I went to the "Anti Mall", it would have been a place you would have enjoyed, a small mall, but one with interesting people.
I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, AND WE ALL MISS YOU DEARLY.
LOVE,
DAD
Mike van der Goes
November 18, 2012
Brittany,
It's been a year since the funeral services and to tell you the truth...it feels just like yesterday that I had to walk into the little room and see you laying there. It brings tears to my eyes, pain and heartache to my soul. You looked like the sun, I could have starred at you for the whole night, the support and tears that were shed that evening were tremendous, the outpouring of people that came to see you and say they miss and love you were so many.
I have to go, it's very difficult for me to talk about it, but I felt the need to write and to share with you that day and the evening prior to your services. It was a beautiful service and I saw for myself the lasting impression you had on many people.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, PLEASE NEVER FORGET THAT...I, YOUR MOM AND SISTER CONTINUE TO LOVE YOUR DEARLY.
LOVE,
DAD
Mike van der Goes
November 17, 2012
Brittany...
It's raining and it makes me feel that the rain drops are tears from heaven. I cherish every little rain drop and I make believe that they are little tears that you are shedding on to me.
I caught myself starring at your picture, your eyes deep and dark brown makes me think of a song which starts off as follows;
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
You will always be remembered as a young beautiful girl, one that had no fears and lived life the way you wanted to live life, getting the most of every day.
I will continued to close my thoughts to you with...I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND LOVE YOU EVER MORE.
DAD
Mike van der Goes
November 5, 2012
Good Morning My Little Angel,
I hope this makes it in the book, it has been a year since I no longer have you in my life, I sit here at work and write you this note, tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart...not sure how long this darn heart ache will last, but it ages me ever so every day. Please remember that I LOVE you, so does you mom and sister.
LOVE
DAD
Note from Mr. "L"
Mike van der Goes
October 31, 2012
Hey... it's just me, looking up to see if you can see me. Oh where the time has gone? It's been almost a year and I still don't have answers.
I think that mom will need your guidance on Sunday, that day will mark the one year since you left all of our lives. Believe me when I tell you that you have no idea how big of a hole you have left in many people's lives, this is not intending to be mean, just that you had so many people that loved so much and we miss you greatly.
I was going through some paperwork in my office folders and I happen to stumble across a note from one of your teachers, I have attached it in the photo.
Brittany, I miss you so much, as I have said time and time before, it hurts like hell to write, but I just want you to know that I do this because I love you more today than ever before and will love you more each day on as I reflect back on the fond memories that you have provided me.
Love...
DAD
Mike van der Goes
October 25, 2012
Here there Brittany,
Sorry I had not written sooner, I was out of town on business, but you did not stray far from my thoughts. Especially while I had time to think during my driving.
I think now that the first anniversary of our death is approaching, it is hitting me harder and I can feel that wave of uncomfortableness heading my direction. We have the Haunted House event tonight and I am sure I will be seeing many kids running around in their costumes and having a great time, this will most definitely strike memories of when you dressed up and enjoyed the "Trick & Treat" of Halloween. I Pass your collage every day at home and find myself staring at all those pictures and wishing I had one more opportunity to add to the memories that were captured. Damn it hurts....I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!
LOVE
DAD
Dad's Office candle for Brittany
Mike van der Goes
October 19, 2012
Good Morning my little Sunshine...
It's dad again, you are probably tired of hearing from me, but nonetheless I will continue writing. I went with your sister and purchased a candle that I can light in my office next to your picture. Oh how your sister misses you, it still feels like I am just in a bad dream. This week for some reason has been harder than others, no idea why, maybe because of death staring me in the face again with Lottie not doing too well.
Just to let you know...the candle that we chose to light in remembrance of you smells soooooo good, I have people come in to my office to see what smells so delicious.
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU...
LOVE DAD
Mike van der Goes
October 17, 2012
GOD Said NO!!
I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness..
God said, No.
I give you blessings;
Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from
worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life,
so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said... Ahhhh,
finally you have the idea.
THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY
May God Bless You,
To the world you might be one person,
But to one person you just might be the world
May the Lord Bless you and keep you,
May the Lord Make his face shine upon you,
And give you Peace......Forever'
Good friends are like stars...
You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.
Mike van der Goes
October 17, 2012
Hello Brittany...
It's time to go home for me, just wanted to wish you good night and hope you are well. I fall asleep looking at your picture every night, I say good night to you then also, but noting will ever replace the void and longing to have you with me. Just to give you a kiss good night and to make sure your day went okay. I kick myself every day for the opportunities that I missed while I still had you with me...oh how I would have done things differently. I wish I had another chance, another minute, another day, another breath. Just to let you know Lottie Hoffman is not doing so well, please do me a favor and wait for her at the gates of Heaven, welcome her home with a big hug and kiss...she loved you very much and she talked to me about you when I went to see how she was doing.
Oh I wish this pain would just stop, even for just a day.
LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVER....
DAD
Brittany, Uncle Robert and Michelle
Mike van der Goes
October 5, 2012
Hello Brittany,
I wanted to share this with those that happen to stumble across your guest book; on my journey I wanted to share such daily struggles (especially lately), remembering that Brittany is always with me and I am not alone. "As Plato said, "Once free of the body, the soul is able to see truth clearly because it is more pure than before and recalls the pure ideas which it knew before." Survivors must learn to function again without the physical presence of the person they loved by trusting the departed soul is still with them. Acceptance of loss comes one day at a time. Healing is a progression of mental steps that begins with having faith you are not truly alone." - Michael Newton, Ph.d"
Little things like this is what gives me hope, strength, encouragement, faith and the desire to to continue on sometimes this lonely journey. I am sure that many parents travel down this path and feel like nobody else is on this trail, but look closely, you will see many more people around you than you thought. Only those that have suffered such an event can truly relate and it is my hope that we can all help each other climbing this ever changing terrain.
I Love you Brittany..and always will.
LOVE
DAD
Fresh Flowers for Brittany
Mike van der Goes
October 4, 2012
Hello Brittany,
It hurts every time I write to you, today I decided to pick some flowers from the garden at the club, placed them in the vase which I have next to your picture in my office. Sometimes it feels like I can talk a good game, but then reality sets in and I find out that I am just fooling myself.
Just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that I love you very much, I wish I can hold you, kiss you and just be near you physically as opposed to just spiritually. Hope you like the flowers, I say hi to you every morning when I get to work :-(
LOVE DAD
Mike van der Goes
September 27, 2012
Brittany...
Just as I thought I was getting better at managing my "Ups and Downs" with the loss of you in my (our lives) life. I listen to songs and so many fresh thoughts and emotions come back...remembering what I once had and now is gone. Hopefully there are many better days that lay ahead and can gain a better handle on the hurt that sometimes overwhelms me. It's night time now and I just wanted to let you know I love you dearly and give you a kiss goodnight.
Many happy thoughts and pleasant dreams for you.
LOVE ALWAYS,
DAD
A Sister's Joy Lost
Mike van der Goes
September 24, 2012
Brittany,
I added another picture of your sister to your wall, I titled this one "Joy Lost". Your sister used to have such a care free and joyful outlook when you were around, that has not yet reappeared and it saddens me a lot.
We went to see Bibiche on Saturday and on our way back we strolled through the Irvine Mall, it's amazing how little things create such emotional triggers...I was in Buckle with your sister and Mom and above they have many mannequins with various outfits, it reminded me of when I was searching stores to find something you would like to have on during the service and open casket.....darn that hurt, I walked out and did not tell either your mom or sister why I had to scoot out so quickly.
As a father the pain never goes away, as a father all I want for your mom and sister is to find happiness in the days to come, as a father all I ask is that GOD provides me with the strength, courage, wisdom and patience to guide and help others...oh yea, one last thing, as a father I hope to see you again in Heaven, hope GOD gives me that opportunity.
LOVE ALWAYS,
DAD
The Lost Smile without you
Mike van der Goes
September 21, 2012
Brittany,
It's been about a week that I have written, but it does not mean I have not been speaking to you. Went to church for the first time in a while last Sunday and said a little prayer for you...wishing GOD hold you tight and keep you in peace. I look at Michelle every day and I just can't get over the fact that there is just a little step and bounce that is missing with you not in her life. Michelle misses you soooooo much it hurts me. You have a lovely sister and just wish you were here to see her grow up.
Miss you more day by day and only hope you save a spot for me next to you in Heaven when GOD informs me its time to be with him.
LOVE YOU
DAD
Mike van der Goes
September 15, 2012
Good Morning my little Angel...
No matter how many times I write or just pull myself to a corner to find some alone time so I can talk to you...it does not get any easier. I guess it's because of the sadness I see in Mom and Michelle. I was out of town for the last five days playing in a golf tournament, a player looked at me after hitting a bad shot and asked if I ever get mad or frustrated, I told him I do, but in the grand scheme of things, a bad golf shot is so irrelevant, I don't let it bother me. I just can't stop thinking of you, people tell me I must move on, but when it's a child that you have lost, I just have not found the right recipe to help me out. I will continue to fight with my emotions and hope and pray that one day I find a happy balance.
I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU STILL TODAY AS MUCH AS I HAVE IN THE PAST.
LOVE...
DAD
The Smile I wish so much to see
Mike van der Goes
September 5, 2012
Good Morning my little Angel...
Just wanted to say hi and I love you, having a rough day...hope you can land on my shoulder and just be with me today.
I think of you and your smile as in this picture.
LOVE
DAD
Brittany's Presence as a second rainbow
Mike van der Goes
September 4, 2012
Hello Brittany,
I know you can hear me, it was clear to that fact when we were in Hawaii, Michelle was taking a picture of a rainbow at Sunset and when I turned to see Mom, her eyes were watering and I asked if she was okay. She replied..."I wish Brittany were here", and no sooner than she spoke those words a second rainbow appeared and was side by side of the first. I know you can hear me and I want you to remember that I love you very much and my heart breaks every day, when I awake and I know that another day has to pass without me seeing, holding, hugging my little girl. With that all being said, I really don't mind so much about me, I wish you could help your sister, she misses you so much and she used you as a crutch throughout her days, she is really struggling in school with the social part of things...help her and mom out, that is all I ask.
Love you dearly...DAD
P.S. I added the picture of the double rainbow for you to see...it was so beautiful..just like you.
Hawaiian Coconut Vigil Candle for Brittany
Mike van der Goes
August 28, 2012
Mike van der Goes
August 28, 2012
Good Morning my little Brittany...
It's been a while since I wrote, but I wanted you to know that you were not far from my thoughts. Mom, Michelle and I just came back from Hawaii, Grandma could not make it because of her cancer treatment, but we were able to share some great family time with Robert, Diane and Erik. Hawaii was such a beautiful place, it was a trip that I will always remember, for both the excitement, beauty and fun which we had, but also will remember it because of the emotional triggers that I had to overcome due to your absence. There was not a day, a dive, a walk, a hike, a picnic or a shopping experience where you did not enter into my mind and wish you were with all of us. One of the hardest things was purchasing you a Candle in a Coconut at Hilo Hattie. I lit the candle upon coming home and set it next to your picture...oh I miss you sooooo much.
LOVE DAD
Mike van der Goes
August 8, 2012
Brittany...
Just wanted to wish you and kiss you good night, hope you sleep well and have pleasant dreams. I did want to share this with you, it is called "Safely Home"
I am home in Heaven, dear ones;
Oh, so happy and so bright!
There is perfect joy and beauty
in this everlasting light.
All the pain and grief is over,
Ever restless tossing passed;
I am home at peace forever,
Safely home in Heaven at last.
Did you wonder I so calmly
trod the valley of the shade?
Oh! but Jesus' love illuminated
Every dark and fearful glade.
And He came Himself to meet me
In that way so hard to tread;
And Jesus' arm to lean on.,
Could I have on doubt or dread?
Then you must not grieve so sorely,
For I love you dearly still:
Try to look beyond earth's shadows,
Pray to trust our Father's Will.
There is work still waiting for you,
So you must not idly stand;
Do it now, while life remaineth -
You Shall rest in Jesus' land.
When that work is all completed,
he will gently call you home;
Oh, the rapture of that meeting,
Oh, the Joy to see you come!
LOVE YOU...MISS YOU...KISS YOU...CRY FOR YOU...
LOVE DAD
Mike van der Goes
August 7, 2012
Hey there Britt....
Mom and I were talking last night and we both cried, we miss you so much, but what tugs at my heart strings is the fact that I can't take away the pain that your mom and sister are experiencing. If i could I would take all their pain away and store it to myself so nobody else would have to endure it. Mom mentioned that Michelle was having a hard time and broke down the other day, please keep her close to you and guide her through the emotional roller coaster that she must be on at this time.
Sitting in the dining room at Oma's, I saw the red bird house that you and I built, I remember when you would concentrate, your tongue use to stick out and twist and you bit on it just ever so slightly. You were one that concentrated and no matter what anyone else said, if you put your mind to it, you would somehow figure out a way to do it.
I miss that strong willed and personality that you shared with mom and Michelle....land softly on Michelle's shoulder and help her out, she misses you so much.
Love and cry for you daily...DAD
Spain Trip Back and White
Mike van der Goes
August 6, 2012
13th Birthday
Mike van der Goes
August 6, 2012
Mike van der Goes
August 4, 2012
Hello Brittany,
It seems that I write in the mornings, although I was thinking about you last night and wanted to write and wish you a good night, hope you are at peace and have great dreams. If you have a spare moment, come down and rest on my shoulder and wisher sweet nothings in my ear, I miss you voice. Mom and Michelle are having a hard time and hope you can give them some strength and encouragement during the rough days that they have. This last week has been harder than I thought, I won't just blurt out why, but I am sure you know and I wish that you were here.
Just thinking about you and I know that most people I come in contact have no idea as to how much I think about you and the times I reflect back on what we shared as father and daughter. Unfortunately life goes on, just had to submit and Excuse for Jury Summons and it pained me to write deceased in the reason why.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND HOPE YOU REMEMBER ME WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN IN HEAVEN.
LOVE...DAD
Birthday Pic
Mike van der Goes
August 4, 2012
Brittany, Oma and Michelle
Mike van der Goes
August 4, 2012
Brittany and Michelle
Mike van der Goes
August 1, 2012
Having fun in the car
Mike van der Goes
August 1, 2012
Brittany, Michelle & Erik
Mike van der Goes
August 1, 2012
Brittany Goofing Around in the Car
Mike van der Goes
August 1, 2012
Brittany in Spain
Mike van der Goes
August 1, 2012
Mike van der Goes
August 1, 2012
Brittany,
Good morning, wish I could say this to you in person. It pains me to write to you because it brings me to the realization that you are no longer with me; but if I don't I get a feeling of guilt for not doing so. The saying that it never gets easier is really true, I just mask my emotions and feelings every day. Early mornings bring back so many memories, you and I driving to work and talking about life in general, looking forward to careers, goals and to-do lists...I miss those moments, even though some times you were so tired you slept on the way in to work. I heard of another very appropriate song the other day, I guess this is more for me than for you because you are with GOD and have no pain....but darn it...I do and it sucks. The song is as follows;
Band Name: "Jeremy Camp"
Song Name: "There will be a day"
Album: "Speaking Louder than Words"
It is such an appropriate song, I recommend anyone reading this to listen or download the song, it's just a nice song.
Brittany...I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SOOOOO MUCH.
Love,
DAD
Mike van der Goes
July 21, 2012
Hello Brittany,
Sorry I have not written anything in a while, but Dad's had a rough time thinking about you. I'm still at work, just like before, but I have gotten up the courage to listen to the radio, it brings back so many memories...you were the one that got me started in downloading songs and you sat next to me and said, "Dad, it's easy all you have to do is give me your credit card, and I'll take care of the rest". With that being said, boy, it seems like every song reminds me of you and an experience that I had with my lovely daughter. I guess you can say that now I'm scared, scared of losing anyone close to me because I know the pain and void that such a loss leaves in ones heart. Just wish I could put a band-aid on it and make it all better.
Listening to a song, it made me tear up, but I wanted to share this with everyone that can download the song, it's pretty.
Band is called "The Band Perry"
Song Name is "If I die Young"
Album "The Band Perry"
Listen to the words, it's a beautiful song and it reminds me of you Brittany.
Love you so much and wish the hurting would go away.
Love,
Dad
July 16, 2012
You were a very real person, and never tried to something you weren't. That's what I respected the most about you. I remember when we first met during the third period sophomore year on the lunch benches. Summer going into to senior year there were some great memories--the best actually with you. I am glad that I got visit you during the holidays, and know you're watching down on us.
Diane van der Goes
July 6, 2012
We think about you every single day.
Mike van der Goes
July 5, 2012
My Little Girl...
Hope you are at peace, that is all I ask and wish that you are experiencing.
I have not written in a while, for some reason it's getting harder to accept that you are no longer here, no longer to hear your laugh, see your smile or hear your voice.
You were a strong willed, bright girl and the sunshine on my cloudy days. I see how much joy, laughter and love you gave, because I am different without you.
I love you and miss you dearly...
DAD
Mike van der Goes
June 17, 2012
Brittany....
Boy is this day harder than I thought it would be, have to keep all my emotions in check as I am working today, but there is not a minute that goes by in where I don't think about you. All I have left are the memories, those of which I treasure so much, but likewise those are the ones which hurt so bad.
I see all the dad's on TV with their kids and wish that were me, I see all the dad's coming to brunch with their daughters and wish that were me, all I wish now is that GOD give me the chance to see you again when my time comes, oh I miss you so much.
Love Always,
DAD
Mike van der Goes
June 15, 2012
"Throw Me A Rope"
I want you next to me and the feeling I get
When I miss you
But everything here is telling me I should be fine
So why is it so above as below
That I'm missing you every time
I got used to you sharing your thoughts to me
Into the evening
We follow the sun and his colors left this world
It seems to me that I'm definitely
Hearing the best that I've heard
So throw me a rope
To hold me in place
Show me a clock
For counting my days down
Cause everything's easier when your beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone
And whenever you go
It's like holding my breath under water
I have to admit
That I kinda like it when I do
Oh but I got to be unconditionally
Unafraid of my days without you
So throw me a rope
To hold me in place
Show me a clock
For counting my days down
Cause everything's easier when your beside me
Come back and find me
Whenever I'm falling
You're always behind me
Come back and find me
Everything's easier when you're beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone
Missing you ever so much!!!
Love Dad
Mike van der Goes
June 14, 2012
Good Morning my Little Brittany..
Boy, I guess time does not stand still and days continue to elapse through the calendar. Father's day is right around the corner and this will be my first without you. Being the father to both you and Michelle is the greatest thing that I could have asked for. Just wish I could continue to be your father on earth, I know that our Father in Heaven has you now...dang am I jealous of him. Words cannot express the sadness that I, and am sure that Mom and Michelle experience each and every day not having you with us. Just know that I love you greatly and please give us all strength to continue to be productive in our lives. Rest on my shoulder and guide me through the valley when I am feeling down and confused.
Love,
DAD
June 11, 2012
Hi Brittany,
I hope you're close to your dad this week with Father's Day around the corner. I hope you fill his heart and mind with warm thoughts of you. I hope you help your mom and sister through their difficult times. I pray for them daily and hope God helps them all each and every day they face.
We miss you. Can't believe it at times. Won't forget you. Love you always.
Love,
Uncle Robert
Mike van der Goes
May 30, 2012
Good Morning Brittany,
Was hoping you could help me out today, kind of a rough day and just want a little angel to sit on my shoulder and guide me through today.
Dang do I miss you so much :-(
Love,
DAD
Mike van der Goes
May 21, 2012
Hey there Brittany,
I just wanted to say hi and send you a little message, hope all is well :-)
Life can be moody, it is cool and then comforting, then warn and then entirely unjust, for no apparent reason, life turns in directions and ways that I will never understand nor do I have the energy or time to figure out. I hope and pray that someday…life will begin to like me again, I won't ask for an explanation, nor will I seek why or how, just as I would not try to figure out how and when it turned.
In the midst of going through the various emotions and thoughts, I can honestly say that I have empathy for those that have to go through such tragedy…it's the toughest and most difficult thing I have ever experienced and had to face and work with.
In the back of my mind, sometimes I think, maybe I just don't have it, maybe every parent thinks that this is just going to pass like it never happened. And then all of a sudden you realized that you are out there out in the open for public debate as to what type or parent you were, but I still have those in my corner, such as your sister, mom, grandmother, uncle, aunt and cousin and if all that fails I still have Jesus in my head.
I go back to a line that I once heard and drives me to continue, “It is always himself that the coward abandons first”.
I firmly believe that those that have endured some misfortune will always be set apart, it is just that misfortune which is their gift, and which is their strength.
Mother's day was rough on all of us, not sure why it affected me so much, maybe because I saw the sadness in your mom's expressions. All I ask is that you walk next to me, hold me up in the difficult times and point me to the light which you are now part of.
I miss you greatly and will always love you dearly, wish I could hug you one more time.
Love,
Dad
May 11, 2012
Hey Brittany, I wanted to say hi and to let you know that we all miss you. There isn't a day, let alone a few hours, that you're outside my thoughts. We pray that God helps heal all of our hearts and brings us peace. We pray this Mother's Day week for your mom who misses you so much. You will always be a treasure in our hearts and minds. We miss you, we miss your smile, we miss your soft voice, we simply miss you.
Love,
Uncle Robert, Aunt Diane and Erik
Robert van der Goes
May 1, 2012
Hi Brit-Brit. I think of you everyday. I see that big smile in my mind. I hear your soft voice say, "Hi Uncle Robert". When I'm on my walks, I look towards where you were. I look inside me at these times. I hope to make my life a bigger purpose than I have already. I pray for your Mom, Dad and little sister every night...our whole family does. I pray that you watch over them, keep them safe, let them know that you'll see them again some day. We miss you. We love you.
Where'd you get your dimples from???
Love Uncle Robert
Mike van der Goes
April 24, 2012
Dear Brittany,
Just wanted you to remember that it's your sisters birthday on Thursday. I know you hear and listen, so please ask God to provide her with a great day and weekend....she misses you so terribly. I have a picture of your sister in my office, a great big smile when she was at the beach, I can tell that you are in her thoughts a lot because I don't see that care-free, happy-go-lucky outlook in her. All she wants for her birthday is her "Best Friend and Sister".
We love and miss you very, very much.
Please give her strength and comfort.
Love,
Dad
Mike van der Goes
April 23, 2012
Dear Brittany,
Mom came in to our room this past week and she was crying, she trembled as she handed me a note that I had written to you, I signed it "Love Dad". Thought I would share this with others as well.
Dear Brittany,
As you grow up, especially through your teenage years you will request and need your own space, being seen or hanging around with Mom or Dad will not be cool, especially if seen by others. I remember a time when Robert, Paul and I were heading down to a little town in Aquadulce (Small Town in Spain); he was so excited to do something with us “The Boys” as he would refer to us. Robert was still young and liked the fact of doing things with Paul; I was older and did not want any part of such time. I remember that I felt stupid and a little embarrassed when we were walking through the street of the little town; I wanted to keep my distance and either remaining way behind or way in front of Paul.
I see a lot of me in you, especially personality wise and understand what you might be going through with regards to the relationship which you are experiencing with both Mom and I. It is difficult for me to see this transition because through your life you were always dependent on either me or mom. When something went wrong you sought comfort and security in the presence of your parents, have it be through being in my arms, sitting down next to me or just being in the presence of an adult figure, which provided you with a sense of comfort and security.
As you muddle through these years you will undoubtedly experience a wide range of emotions and experiences, many of these you will request or desire to handle on your own, not bringing attention of such to either of your parents and I understand your desire in doing so. What pains me is that while you are trying to address these on your own, you become very secluded, both emotionally and verbally; I see and feel your struggles, but am not able to provide guidance because I do respect your desire of privacy. What I do want to express is that I have seen too many kids attempting to rectify or address these on their own and it only drains and takes a lot out of somebody when they try doing so without the help or guidance of their parents. Hopefully you feel that I remain non-judgmental and stay open-minded on many of the issues that are brought before me to help you with.
There is a little story, one which you may have already heard, but I wanted to share it with you anyway; There once was a young girl, she had a dream, it was about Jesus and Her…She remembered that Jesus told her that she need not be afraid of what lie ahead of her in life, that he would be there with her on her journey through life…walking next to her and holding her hand and helping her through many of the tough and turbulent times that she may encounter. Well…in her dream she saw two sets of foot prints as she walked through life, at times she noticed that there were only one set of foot prints, she became concerned and confronted Jesus on his promise, she said “Jesus, I feel that you have lied and let me down, you said that you would be here with me and walk with me through life, assisting me in the difficult times that lie ahead and or that I may have experienced, but when looking back, during the times I needed your help and guidance, I see that there was only one set of foot prints and that you were not next to me as you had said you would”, Jesus replied and said, but I was, the set of foot prints that you see are mine, during these times that you reference to, I picked you up and held you in my arms, kept you safe and helped you through.
All that I am saying Brittany is that even though you may not think or feel that there may be anyone next to you, walking through life and helping you, I am right next to you, if need be I will pick you up and hold you in my arms as Jesus did, keeping you safe and helping you through any tough times that life will throw at you or that you may experience.
There are a lot of mistakes that I have made through my life, and I am sure that I will continue to make mistakes, but hopefully I will learn from them, making me a better Person, Father, Brother, Son and Husband. I (your dad) only want what is best for his daughter and I will continue to feel that way no matter what happens in life.
Another little saying….”A son is your son until he has a wife, your daughter is your daughter throughout the rest of your life”. You will understand this better as you get older….Brittany I love you dearly and just want you to know that I will always be there for you, in spirit and mind; should you need someone to talk to, again hopefully you will know through how I carry myself that I am calm, rational and open-minded. It hurts me to see you upset, sad, frustrated…help me help you to enjoy life…we only get one chance at it.
Love Always,
Daddy
Mike van der Goes
April 15, 2012
Brittany,
Hello Is me again...
All I want is one more hug,
One more Hi,
One more Bye,
One more Lesson,
One more Stare,
One more "I Care",
One more Call,
One more, One More is what I really want most of all.
One more day to be your DAD.
Dang I miss those days :-(
Wish you were here for me to hold you in my arms telling you all will be okay.
Please don't forget me when I get in Heaven.
LOVE-U Dearly DAD
Mike van der Goes
April 14, 2012
I see myself reflect on life much more often now than in the past; it only feels like yesterday that a part of my heart, life and soul was ripped out and away and as a parent I thought that the following reflections that come across me in waves could be shared with all of you.
This is my food for thought this week…..hope you enjoy.
1. We never know the love of our parents for us till we have become parents.
2. If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.
3. The country clubs, the cars, the boats, your assets may be ample; but the best inheritance you can leave your kids is to be a good example.
4. Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.
5. My father didn't tell me how to live, he lived, and let me watch him do it.
6. If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
7. Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
8. Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.
9. To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.
10. Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
11. It is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.
12. The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.
13. There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots. The other is wings.
14. Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
15. Always kiss your children goodnight — even if they're already asleep.
16. Before I got married I had two theories about bringing up children; now I had two children, and no theories.
17. Kids spell love T-I-M-E.
18. Your children need your presence more than your presents.
19. Children have more need of models than of critics.
20. If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others.
21. The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child-raising is not the child but the parent.
22. Insanity is hereditary — you get it from your kids.
23. Likely as not, the child you can do the least with will do the most to make you proud.
24. When you teach your son, you teach your children, you teach your children's children.
25. What's done to children, they will do to society.
26. To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.
27. Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation.
28. A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.
LOVE U-FOREVER...DAD
Mike van der Goes
April 7, 2012
Good Morning my little Brittany...
How I miss you so much, it's the day before Easter and I am sitting at my desk at work and just can't really get much done.. I remember the times that you were so excited to look for the Easter Eggs and the Easter Basket, as you grew older you helped your younger sister look for eggs along with the Easter Basket that we hid.
No one wants pain, troubles, or hardship, but it's inevitable that we'll have plenty of each. And they won't come at times of our choosing or in manageable doses. Adversity is never welcome, but it's not necessarily our enemy.
I asked for Strength and God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom and God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity and God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage and God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love and God gave me Troubled People to help.
I asked for Favor and God gave me Opportunities.
I got nothing I wanted.
But I received everything I needed.
I received you in the form of my daughter for 18 beautiful years and now I cry because I miss that opportunity of being your DAD.
LOVE...LOVE...LOVE you DAD
Diane van der Goes
March 23, 2012
Hi Brittany,
Uncle Robert and I are sitting here talking about you, how much you are missed and how very beautiful you are. I wish we could have shared more with you about how special you are and how much you mean to us. We know we'll see you again, but in the meantime...we miss you. Say hi to Jesus for us :) You are in our thoughts and our hearts.
With love,
Uncle Robert and Aunt Diane
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