F. Peter Sabey

(Rev. Dr.) F. Peter Sabey of Grass Valley died on January 8, 2024, at the age of 88. Beloved life partner of (Rev. Dr.) Judith Ellen O'Neill, father and grandfather, Pete was a pastor, campus minister, marriage and family therapist, avid outdoorsman, writer, musician, and lover of people and good conversation.

Pete was born in Breslau, Germany in 1935. His family escaped Nazi Germany in March of 1939, five months after Kristallnacht. Raised from age four as a Christian, he discovered his Jewish roots in mid-adulthood long after ordination as a United Church of Christ minister and well into his career as a campus minister. He considered himself one of the most fortunate among the "hidden children" of the Holocaust because he was not separated from his parents, hidden behind a wall, or raised in a convent. His parents carefully concealed their Jewish origins to protect from the rampant antisemitism they found in the United States in the 1940's.

Early years in Rochester, NY included summers as a YMCA camp counselor and swimming instructor. In 1952 Pete placed in the top twelve National Honor Society Scholarship winners in the country. He graduated magna cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa from Amherst College, where he was active in sports, played violin in the Smith College Symphony orchestra, and worked to overturn racial discrimination in his national fraternity, Phi Gamma Delta. He married his college sweetheart after graduation.

Pete took a trial semester at Union Theological Seminary in New York seeking answers to his many doubts and questions. Intense and paradigm-shifting field work at the East Harlem Protestant Parish - a prophetic community of clergy in the worst neighborhood in New York - stretched the initial semester to two years. A Danforth Award for a Northwestern University internship convinced him of his call to campus ministry. Graduating from Union, he was ordained in 1960 and served the First Congregational Church in Williamsburg, Massachusetts.

In 1964 he served as chaplain and pastor of College Church at Lafayette College in Easton, Pennsylvania. The Chaplain's office was the go-to place for issues of sexual identity, draft counseling, and other psychological issues in the turmoil of the 60's. Active in civil rights and peace actions, Pete risked arrest to enforce fair housing laws as chair of the Human Relations Commission. Commuting to Princeton, he completed a Th.M. in Psychiatry and Religion under Seward Hiltner, pioneer of the pastoral counseling movement.

A second Danforth Fellowship in 1972 enabled his doctoral work in Counseling Psychology at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. His dissertation was based on field testing Co-SEE, his original method for premarital and couple counseling. Pete directed the ecumenical United Christian Foundation at UMass during this time.

The strains of social activism - like a weekend in jail protesting the launch of the first Trident nuclear submarine - and the intensity of graduate studies culminated in divorce. Upon completion of his doctoral work in 1982 Pete married Judith Ellen O'Neill, a community organizer, in Marquand Chapel at Yale Divinity School where Judith was a graduate student. They moved to California as a clergy couple to become co-directors and campus ministers of the Cal Aggie Christian Association at UC Davis. They continued their social activism and co-wrote a weekly column "Things That Go Together Like P&J" their always unpredictable "pulpit in the secular university." Widely read on campus and in the city, it called attention to issues of progressive religion, racial and gender equality, advocacy for gay rights, non-violence, and psychology.

Under their leadership the Cal Aggie Campus Ministry received the first Peace and Justice Award by the city of Davis. Pete received his California license as a Marriage and Family Therapist and after ten years of campus ministry they co-founded the Interfaith Counseling Service.

In 2003 they moved to Pilgrim Place Retirement Community in Claremont where Pete fiddled for the Pilgrim Pickers, racewalked with the Pilgrim Pacers, participated in weekly peace vigils, and hiked mountain trails. An avid skier and lover of active sports, he also counseled couples part-time.

In 2012 Pete and Judith made an "audacious" move to Grass Valley, leaving the security of Pilgrim Place in search of a more contemplative life and returned to their beloved Northern Sierra. Pete continued counseling part-time in Davis and Grass Valley until 2017. The many friends and activities of the Unitarian Universalist Community of the Mountains provided a "beloved community" - a significant part of Pete's later years.

Pete was father to four children: Pamela Meyerhoff (Claude), Jeffery Sabey (Tanya), Andrew Sabey (Erin) and Deborah Lynn Sabey and two stepdaughters, Ann (Tracy) King and K. Ellen Spencer. He enjoyed being grandfather to Julia and Reed; Aviva and Yardena; Chloe and Cosette, and Robert. Pete was preceded in death by his beloved spouse of forty years (Rev. Dr.) Judith Ellen O'Neill. Pete requested no services. His ashes will be scattered in the Sierra that long nurtured his spirit. In lieu of flowers please consider memorial gifts to the Unitarian Universalist Community of the Mountains, www.uugrassvalley.com or the Interfaith Food Ministries, www.interfaithfoodministry.org .