John Joseph Bonder

To be with John J. Bonder was to be with someone whose sole ambition was to make you laugh. To see you smile. To light a spark of joy that would spread across your face and touch your ears.

And he was masterful at it.

His presence illuminated every room he entered; it was enough to see those bright, sky-blue eyes and wide, warm grin (sometimes with a pipe or a cigar hanging out the side). But that was just the beginning.

Whether you were a stranger meeting him for the first time or his daughter, sitting beside him in the den for the 100th time - he would mine a lifetime of stories in an instant to find just the one that would make you chuckle. Or provide comfort.

He peacefully passed away on November 18, 2023 in Sarasota, FL at the age of 78, surrounded by his loving family.

He was the son of Anthony Bonder and Marie Crostarosa Bonder, born on May 8, 1945 on Victory in Europe Day. It was a day filled with celebration and joy, a poignant harbinger of the manner in which he would approach life - no matter how serious it got.

He was big brother to his sister Joanne Bonder Parrack, and brothers Anthony Bonder and James Bonder - and from the start was the adventurer, mischief-maker, risk-taker, and sports lover he is so lovingly remembered for being.

And he was a man who knew deeply and uncompromisingly what his four loves were: sports; his wife Melly; his three daughters; and his happiest place in the whole world - an adirondack chair at the end of a weather-beaten dock in Maine.

A natural sports star becomes the teacher.

From a young age, John was the star of nearly every sports field and floor he stepped onto. In high school, the awards came flooding in for his best-in-city achievements in baseball, football and basketball - accomplishments that were honored in 2007 when he was inducted into the Roxborough High School Sports Hall of Fame.

When he started college at West Chester University, he went from player to official - a career that would span more than 30 years. An imposing presence on NCAA Division I basketball courts, he commanded the rhythms of the game with an unmistakable sense of authority. And again, accomplishment.

In his nearly 30-year career, he officiated high-profile championship games; blew his whistle on the same court as a young up-and-coming Michael Jordan at UNC; and became the first to referee an NCAA game outside of the US (in Japan).

And while that same presence off the court was still larger than life, it turned soft and generous when he changed out of the black-and-white stripes of his uniform - and stepped into the school gym.

He is remembered by his former students at Rowland Elementary School - where he began his career teaching health and physical education in 1967 - as "my early role model"; "a great influence for us when we were kids"; and as a father figure for a boy who didn't have one, going "out of his way to teach me things that other boys were taught at home by their dads."

He is also remembered for another coveted possession: his stylish Camaro.

And it was in these early years of his career that he established a professional routine - teaching, mentoring, and establishing impactful after-school programs at Rowland and later Radnor High School by day. And traveling up and down the east coast to officiate Division I NCAA games by night.

It was a routine he quietly bemoaned as exhausting and grueling - only to those closest to him. But to John, it was absolutely essential. Because it was this combination that afforded him the greatest freedom in his life - one of his life's true joys: spending three months each summer with his family in Maine.

"Here I am at peace with the world"

It was here that it all came together. Where his blended family - his wife Martha ("Melly") Lewis Bonder, his daughter Brooke Bonder, and his step-daughters (in name only) Lindsay Hedenskog and Victoria (Tory) Holmwood - first became a five-some.

Where his daughters would canoe, swim, and go to sports and music camps. Where he would play dozens of rounds of golf with his wife Mel and friends under a forgiving summer sun - biting down hard on an unlit cigar when the ball would stubbornly insist on its own path.

Where he was captain of his yacht - the 15-foot Boston Whaler he called "Whalah". Where a five o'clock cocktail hour with his in-laws and closest family was yet another stage on which to share his stories, to share his heart. It was how he showed love.

And it was here - at the end of that weather-beaten gray dock - where he would always say: "Here I am at peace with the world."

His best stories - the ones that were never a part of his greatest hits, but that came from a place much deeper, more vulnerable, and always with an unmissable lesson in it - were told on that dock.

And these stories were always about gratitude.

For the teachers and mentors who guided him throughout his life in ways big and small, so aware of this generosity and with a strong desire to pass it on.

For the early travel to 50 states and countless national parks that imbued him with a sense of wonder and awe at what our great country holds within its borders.

For the second chance he got to love the woman who almost got away - a marriage of more than 30 years that was filled with love, laughter, adventure, and life's small pleasures.

And for being a dad. Of all his adventures, being a parent was his favorite. Ever the teacher, ever the sounding board during life's most challenging moments, ever the cheerleader. He called it: "the greatest job in the whole world."

The Celebration of Life service for this remarkable man will be held on December 21, 2023, at 11 am at St. David's Church (Radnor).

Family, friends and all whose lives he touched are welcome to join us as we honor and remember the remarkable life of John Bonder.