Marilyn Jo Ames

My sweet wife Marilyn passed away at Scripps Memorial Hospital the morning of December 3rd after a long struggle with Parkinson's disease.

She was born in Wichita, Kansas on March 6, 1946, to Charles Joseph "Joe" Stone and Catherine Lucille Bordner...parents who gave Marilyn a strong foundation in ethics and morals which she passed on to her children. In 1953 Joe moved his family to San Diego to begin work as a reporter on the San Diego Union. Marilyn attended Stevenson Elementary School, Marston Junior High and Clairemont High. She graduated in 1964.. While at Clairemont High Marilyn ran track: the 880yd race with the San Diego Women's Track and Field Association and continued to jog as long as she was able. At Mesa Junior College she attended art classes with Sam Ames. They fell in love. They both attended San Diego State College. In 1970 Sam was accepted to graduate school at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, they married and moved to Wisconsin. In Madison their first daughter Stephanie was born. In 1973 after Sam finished graduate school the family moved to Providence Rhode Island where Sam taught fine art at Rhode Island College. In R.I. their second daughter Laura was born in 1977 then, son Samuel in 1984. Marilyn started a daycare in her home in R.I. She worked for the Providence Public Schools as a teacher's aide for behavior disordered children at Martin Luther King School...children who were exited from main stream classes. She had faith in them. She always had patience with troubled children...never lost her composure.

During the summers she was the Waterfront Director for the Episcopal Conference Center in Pascoag, R.I...for a time the oldest certified life guard in the state. She could manage distracted helpers and keep track of 125 children in the water. She enjoyed canoe camping in up state New York and Canada. When she was young she loved to camp with her family in the Anza Borrego State Park. Sam retired in 2008, Marilyn and Sam moved back to San Diego to be with and care for Sam's mother Neva Ames until her death in 2021.

After moving back to San Diego she loved long walks on Fiesta Island and canyon parks with her husband and their dog. She enjoyed square-dancing with clubs in Rhode Island and San Diego and for a time ball room dancing. She always had a sewing project in progress. Fabric for dresses, quilts, baby bibs and other projects filled her sewing room.

She was an optimist, caring and honest. She was tall and thin with long fingers and toes... with chestnut hair and eyes the color of turquoise. I've never seen anyone with a more genuine smile. Her strong hands could fix a meal from scratch, soothe any knotted muscle, ease any troubled brow. She loved unconditionally. People responded to her sincerity and kindness and humor. She would not tolerate dishonesty or bigotry. She loved and was loved in return. She is sorely missed.

She is survived by her husband, Samuel Ames, daughters Stephanie Finley and husband Michael Finley; Laura and husband Michael Mittelstaedt; son Sammy; grandchildren John, Laura, Stephen, Claudia and Marlena Finley, Elliot and Peter Mittelstaedt; her brothers; Milburn, Norman and Herb Stone and sister Sally Stone Rooney. And numerous nieces and nephews. Services will be held on January 16th at 11am with rosary at 10:30 at The Immaculata Church on the USD campus is San Diego. A reception will follow at the Ames home on Field St.

Eulogy given by her brother Herb at her memorial service:

Marilyn was born in Wichita Kansas in March of 1946, when Mardi Gras begins in New Orleans. Our dad was stationed in New Orleans during the war. Dad thought New Orleans was an interesting place to visit, but not to live. The family story is that there was some talk of naming the baby Mardis Gras. Mardi Gras Stone. I've heard that Dad wasn't expecting a girl, having already produced two boys. He got a girl: Marilyn Jo Stone.

I'm Herb Stone, the youngest of Marilyn's brothers. The children of Joe and Catherine Stone are Milburn, Norman, Marilyn, Herbert and Sally.

Marilyn is 21 months older than I am. When we were children she was my teacher, my companion, and my protector. I wasn't the only one, but I was the one who needed it most during that time. I was afraid of nearly everything. Marilyn walked me to our first day at Stevenson Elementary School and led me at Mrs Conklin's first grade class. About the time things got started, I'd had enough and ran crying out the door down the walk to where Marilyn was in her 3rd grade class. Etched in my mind to this day is the look on her face when she saw me in the doorway. She was mortified. Her teacher said, "Marilyn, go tend to your brother." She came out, comforted me, and said, "Herbie (she called me Herbie) you've got to go to school." And walked me a few doors down to my room. It didn't take, but that's another story, and certainly not the last time I mortified my dear sister. She was so good to me.

This fall the first time I visited Marilyn in the Nursing Home I didn't know what to expect, what condition I'd find her in. When she saw me, she smiled and said, "Herbie." I liked that.

Sally remembers Marilyn telling her this story: When Sally was born we lived in a duplex in Hilltop Manner in Wichita. Sally was brought home from the hospital and put in a dresser drawer for a bassinet. After Mom got us all to sleep and went to bed herself, Marilyn got up peered into the drawer to look at baby Sally, woke Mom up and said, "Mom, isn't she beautiful?" I can remember when we were kids watching Marilyn play hopscotch on the sidewalk in front of the house on Chippewa. This tall, slender girl was very good at it, it seemed to me. I can see her dancing to records by herself or with Sally in the living room. Sally and Marilyn could make each other laugh so hard they couldn't stand up and their stomachs hurt. One summer on a family trip, probably to Colorado, Marilyn, Sally and I were in the back seat. Whenever we reached a milestone, like cross a state border, Marilyn would lead us in a cheer that went: Joe Stone's Pebbles, HO!" She loved things like that.

In 1964 Marilyn graduated from Clairemont High along with a young man named Sam Ames. Sam remembers that they sat across the aisle from each other in an English class. At the time there was a popular TV show called Father Knows Best starring Robert Young and Jane Wyatt, and there happened to be a classmate whose name was Robert Young. On the first day of class for roll call the teacher called out "Robert Young" and shy Sam and Marilyn uncharacteristically simultaneously blurted out "And Jane Wyatt". That may have been their introduction. Couple of troublemakers. They were also in art together.

There came a day when Marilyn brought Sam home, decided he was a keeper, and they got married. Besides being a great guy, Sam brought levels of talent and artistic dedication to the family that we all admired. It's hard to imagine two people more suited for each other. They have three wonderful children, Stephanie, Laura, and Sam, and seven grandchildren.

In no particular order, here are some things to know about Marilyn:

She was a kind and caring person who looked for the good in people, even through their flaws.

She would go out of her way to care for others in need, sometimes at great inconvenience to herself, even to the point of bringing them into her own home to help them.

Marilyn was optimistic, always trying to put a good spin on what others might consider a bad situation. Sometimes to the point that you wondered if she really understood what was going on.

She strived to be joyful and could find joy in simple everyday things, cooking, sharing recipes, helping others, raising a family, and sewing.

Marilyn could be at times be, let's put it this way, punctually challenged. Not in a controlling way. There was no guile. Her issues were time management. When she was late it was because she was mending some clothes, fixing a lunch to take, or just trying to do too much.

She deeply loved her children and grandchildren and was eager to share with others their latest endeavors.

She was the kind of person who would begin telling a funny story or joke and by the time she got to the punchline she would be laughing so hard at her own story that she couldn't finish it.

She'd rather pack a lunch than eat out.

She would rather fix something used than buy something new.

She loved to sew and was pretty good at it. She liked sewing machines; she once had five at one time. Sam says she couldn't pass them up at yard sales. She loved fabric, especially if she could buy it at yard sales. She had fabric, boxes and boxes of fabric.

She was the kind of person who took an interest in her neighborhood and tried to make it better. In Providence she belonged to a neighborhood organization called PACE, People Acting for Community Effort. They lobbied local politicians and city services to make improvements in their community. Our brother Milburn saw her in action and says she was very good at this type of involvement. She was patient, wouldn't get angry, could ask very probing and pointed questions in a tactful way. She was fearless and would not give up. Perhaps most of all she had a sincere appreciation for the neighborhood and the old houses in it. No hidden agendas. Just sincerity. Sam told me that when Marilyn saw something wrong in her neighborhood, she would try to fix it.

Marilyn was involved in starting a Community Food Coop for their Elmwood neighborhood.

If you left your children in the care of Marilyn, they would be cared for and treated like family. She loved teaching children to entertain themselves in simple ways.

Marilyn liked square dancing and was interested in it most of her life. Our Aunt Dee and Uncle Chuck square danced. Norman told me that during a time when he worked for General Dynamics in San Diego, he joined a square dance club and took Marilyn to the dances. He thinks Marilyn made their western style shirts. Sounds like something she would do. Marilyn and Sam enjoyed all kinds of dancing but were most involved in square dancing.

Marilyn liked to swim and did so rather seriously during a time in her life. She swam regularly for fitness, and became a certified water safety instructor which allowed her to be the waterfront director at the Episcopal Conference Center summer camp in RI., a job she had for many summers. Each year she had to renew her certification, a task that got harder and harder as she got older. At one point she was the oldest qualified waterfront director in Rhode Island.

She ran track in High School, the 880. In 1964 she finished second in the 880 at the San Diego Women's Track and Field meet. Sometimes she would run again Maureen and Mauvoreen O'Conner, twins from Rosary High.
The O'Conner girls would start out strong for a big lead, but would poop out allowing Marilyn, at a much steadier pace, to pass and beat them. Years later Maureen O'Conner became Mayor of San Diego, giving Marilyn the chance to brag that she had run against O'Conner and beat her.

Simply put, Marilyn lived her life for others

We love and miss Marilyn, our kind and loving sister, wife, aunt, mother, grandmother and friend, and it is heart breaking and sad to know that our circle has been broken.

But it is time to join hands and hearts, form our circle again with gratitude for the influence Marilyn had on our lives and for the fine life she led and the example she set for us.