Mary Margaret (Cotter) Sweeney

January 8th, 1935-October 7th, 2024

"Celebrate children, offer them a safe harbor and help them find joy".

Mary Cotter Sweeney, a Psychotherapist, Child Development and Parenting Instructor, World Traveler, Daughter, Sister, Aunt and Mother, passed away peacefully on Oct. 7th in San Jose, California at age 89. She celebrated her life, living by those words with style and sophistication, dignity, independence, and pride.

Mary was best known in her community for positively touching lives through her extensive work as a child and family therapist. She helped hundreds of people deal with difficult life issues, gain personal power and live fuller lives. Outside of her psychotherapy practice, she taught parenting skills to mothers and fathers through Los Gatos Park and Recreation, and brought the same expertise to the incarcerated at Elmwood Prison, believing that better parenting skills would carry forward in better lives for their children.

Born in Corning Iowa Jan 8th, 1935 to Albert and Marie Cotter, Mary was the second youngest of six. Owing to the Great Depression, the family moved to Redondo Beach, CA, where Albert found work as a house painter, and later at Douglas Aircraft. She grew up with a love for the California coast, and always referred to Redondo Beach as "home."

While attending Mount Saint Mary's College College, Mary met Michael Sweeney who was going to school at Loyola University. They married in 1954, and following Mike's Air Force postings, the couple lived in Albuquerque, Denver, and Dayton. In 1962, they eventually settled in Berkeley, California while Mike completed his PhD in Chemistry at the University. They enjoyed living in the Bay Area and all it offered in climate and culture. Living there during the revolutionary social changes of the 60's, they found a vibrant, artistic and transformative community.

Wanting to start a family, and following three miscarriages, Mike and Mary adopted three children while living in Berkeley - Mathew, Anna and Daniel. Mary loved being a Mother. True to the times, they both wanted their children to have broad life experiences, and included them in the events taking place around them. Peaceful protest marches, Shakespeare plays at the University, and even an outdoor Jefferson Airplane concert, where they pitched a small tent for the kids to nap.

The family moved South to San Jose In 1966, when Mike accepted a position teaching chemistry at Santa Clara University. The Spanish style house at 310 Sequoia Ave would be Mary's beloved home for the next 57 years. Her pride and joy was her garden and she loved sharing it with everyone. The home was originally built by the San Jose Architect, Ralph Wycoff, for his own family in 1922.

As the children grew older, Mary went back to school and earned her bachelors at San Jose State University in Child Development, and went on to earn multiple teaching credentials. For the next 21 years, she was a Child Development Instructor at San Jose City College, where her classroom for adult students was also a preschool for SJCC students' own young children. She also graduated from the Coro Foundation Fellows Women in Leadership Program strengthening her capacity to tackle society's challenges.

After her marriage to Mike dissolved in 1984, Mary faced being a single mother with resilience, resolve, optimism and Cotter strength. In seeking to evolve her career, Mary earned her MA in Marriage and Family Counseling from San Francisco State University in 1996. She began counseling as an intern at the Process Therapy Institute (PTI) in Los Gatos and continued there as a licensed Psychotherapist for her entire career. At PTI, she persisted in her work helping children, and also worked with families and individuals. It was the perfect environment for her; a non-profit, charitable organization, providing educational and counseling services to the community.

During her time there she became a scholar of the work of the Swiss psychotherapist, Carl Jung (1875-1961) studying at the Jungian Institute in Zurich, Switzerland, and incorporated his methods of sand tray therapy into her practice. She also earned certifications in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing), Play therapy and Bibliotherapy. Always learning and refining her skills as a Psychotherapist, she enjoyed supporting and guiding younger therapists at PTI.

She loved her career path; she was helping children and families grow into their best selves. She kept an extensive correspondence with former clients and colleagues, many sharing that Mary's sessions had saved their lives, calling her their "Sanity Saver". Her words; "I work with the inner child inside each and every one of us."

Mary's work with new parents was vast. She guided hundreds to be more confident in her decades of teaching "Mommy and Me" classes through Los Gatos Parks and Recreation. She also brought practical parenting training to inmates at Elmwood Correctional Facility. She was known to occasionally smuggle in a contraband box of See's candy to share.

She also worked as an Advocate and expert witness in the Victim Witness program representing children in family court, who were witnesses or victims of crime. To endure the cross examination process, she always wore one of her "power" necklaces to remind her of her strength.

The world and its cultures were fascinating to Mary, and she loved to travel and meet local people. Among her treasured memories in visiting five continents were touching the monoliths at Stonehenge, riding a boat on the Bosphorus in Istanbul, visiting and teaching at preschools in Moscow and Kiev, walking on the Great Wall of China, attending a show at the Sydney Opera House, and riding a camel beneath the great Pyramids at Gizeh. "If my mother could see me now," were her words in a phone call following a visit to the Kremlin. Many of her fondest memories were traveling with her sister, Helen, and her friend Cherie Van der Molen.

A fashionista until the end, Mary will be also known for her sophistication and impeccable sense of style. She would never pass up a sale at Macy's. She took great pride in being elegantly dressed for every occasion.

Mary spent her last year in a beautiful apartment in the loving community of new friends at Belmont Village, Los Gatos. She was supported and celebrated by the wonderful PAL caregivers, the Wellness Center nurses and technicians, dining room attendants, facilities team and entire staff. In her last months, she was eternally grateful to her 24 hour caregivers who kept her nourished, comfortable, coiffed and loved, with a special thank you to Mel for everything.

Above all, Mary adored and celebrated the achievements of her large and far-flung family, especially her three children, their spouses and her two grandchildren, Jonathan and Sophia.

Mary's signature sign-off, "Love you dearly," was genuine and made everyone feel special.

She also always said, "I have had a great and long life."

And she did.

Mary is preceded by parents Garret Albert Cotter and Marie (Cronin), sisters, Loretta Hogan, Helen Czuleger, and Patricia Cotter, brother, Edward Cotter. She leaves a younger brother, John Richard "Dick" Cotter, adoring nieces, nephews, and their families, three children and their spouses, Matthew Sweeney and Kelly Neylon of Los Altos, Anna Sweeney and Brett Crockett of Brisbane, Daniel McSweeney and Sandra Villarreal of San Jose, and two grandchildren, Jonathan (20) and Sophia (18).

A private family ceremony will be held on the cliffs above Redondo Beach. For those wishing to honor Mary's memory and love for children, the family suggests a donation to the following organizations.

First 5 California - First Five California is an organization which advocates for the strong start all Children deserve, with emphasis on Children prenatal through age 5 and their families, to optimize early Childhood Development and reduce childhood poverty.

First 5 California -Fiscal Dept.

2389 Gateway Oaks Dr.

Suite 260

Sacramento, CA 95833

Process Therapy Institute (PTI) - Mary was a Psychotherapist who worked for over two decades at this wonderful non-profit that has made a positive mental health difference in so many lives.

Process Therapy Institute

1760 The Alameda

San Jose, CA 95126

(408) 963-6694

Online donation link:

https://pl.mxmerchant.com/mxcustomer/d/0b0e5936-e7c4-453f-ac43-7204d21e5b92/v3