Charlotte Sophia Kasl

1938 - 2021

Charlotte Sophia Kasl

Charlotte Sophia Kasl, née Davis, died on Saturday August 7th, 2021 at her home in Missoula, Montana at the age of 82 after suffering from lung cancer.

Charlotte was born on August 19, 1938 in Missoula to Mary Shope and Kenneth Pickett Davis. She was the third child of a family of four: Lawrence and older sister Lenore, younger brother Richard. The family moved to Alexandria, VA during World War II, briefly returned to Missoula and then settled in Ann Arbor, MI in 1949 when Charlotte was 11. The family was joined by Charlotte's namesake, grandmother Charlotte Davis, who read extensively to her and shared the stories of their family. A creative and independent young woman, who sometimes felt alienated from the conventional expectations for a young girl of her age, Charlotte enjoyed a rich imagination and a prodigious talent as a pianist. She started playing the piano at 7 and by the age of 17, she had fourteen students of her own! Her most treasured memories were summers back in Missoula spent with her aunt Margaret as well as family camping trips at Seeley Lake, where the links to the Big Sky country were firmly secured. Charlotte's talent as a musician led her to the School of Music at University of Michigan in 1956, where she graduated with a BA in Music and a MA in Piano. Coming of age in the early 1950s, Charlotte felt the tension between the expectations of the time and her own yearning for more independence. After marriage to Stanislav Kasl in 1962 and an amicable divorce four years later, Charlotte struck out for London to study piano, famously buying a Steinway Grand Piano that she would later ship across the ocean. (The piano made its way eventually to Missoula, taking pride of place in Charlotte's living room where she continued to play for friends and family even in her last months.) A teaching opportunity led her next to Ohio University in Athens, OH in 1969. After several years, Charlotte, disillusioned with the prospects of a music career in a department steeped in patriarchy, began the study of psychology and counseling that would shape her future life and career. She earned a PhD in Counseling in 1982 from Ohio University, a degree that reflected more than an academic pursuit but a true calling. She could now merge her deep and profound interests in complex family dynamics and relationships with the cultural context of feminism and sexual politics.

In 1973, while she pursued her academic goals in the hip and vibrant town of Athens, Charlotte adopted a three and a half year old girl named Janel, beginning her own journey as a mother. With Janel, Charlotte moved first to New York City and then to Minneapolis in 1977 to work at a Women's Therapy Collective. Janel's early childhood trauma haunted Janel throughout her young adult years manifesting in periods of separation and estrangement and culminating eventually with Janel's far-too-early death in 2006. Charlotte took great pride in her role as a grandmother, and was very happy to bring two of Janel's children together for the first time in the months before she died. Altogether, she is survived by grandchildren Kelsey, Maria, Billie, Jennifer Suzanne and Dylan.

As she gained more experience as a counselor and observed problems and limitations with conventional wisdom and entrenched practices-- such as the ubiquitous 12-step programs for addiction therapy-- Charlotte honed her craft and developed new therapies. As the demand for her knowledge grew, she embarked on a career as a writer and workshop leader, allowing her to reach a much wider audience. Her first book, Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power, published in 1989 revolutionized the field and has become a classic, still in print today. Gloria Steinem characterized Charlotte's work as "Sane, warm, wise … a chance for rebirth." Oprah Winfrey even featured Charlotte on her popular talk show with an episode dedicated entirely to Charlotte exploring what sexual compulsion is like for women and its ramifications. Her second book, Many Roads, One Journey: Moving Beyond the Twelve Steps, introduced a 16-step empowerment model for overcoming addiction and trauma and has been used in numerous treatment programs and shelters in the United States and Canada primarily for the least advantaged people. Both of these books include issues of gender, class, race, hierarchy, patriarchy and homophobia. She also wrote Finding Joy, A Home for the Heart, and a highly popular series: If the Buddha Dated, If the Buddha Married, If the Buddha Got Stuck and If the Buddha Had Kids-Raising Children to Create a More Peaceful World. She brought her books to life with numerous stories based on extensive interviews. If the Buddha Dated was a finalist for the National Book Award on Books for Better Living. Women, Sex, and Addiction resulted in a Lifetime Achievement Award. She had over 1,000,000 books in print with 52 foreign editions in 21 languages.

Much of her life in this period -- in the 90's and the early decades of the new century-- was filled with book tours, speaking engagements, and travel to visit friends and family, while still maintaining a large private practice. She embraced many faith practices, including the Society of Friends, the Unitarian Church, the enlightenment of Buddhism, the healing powers of Reiki, and the ancient guidance of Dowsing. She credited her holistic approach to health and wellness for the strength and energy that allowed her to win races well into her 70's, play tennis, and climb the mountains of Montana, accompanied by her faithful poodle Putchka.

Charlotte was deeply intertwined in the life and community of Missoula for her last 30 years, participating in the Women's Chorus, Pianissimo piano performances at the University, the Missoula International Friendship Program where she befriended so many dear international students and their families and held many elegant fundraising Peace Dinners for the Jeannette Rankin Peace Center.

Charlotte's "dear heart" gained her many friends who not only served as a network in times of joy to celebrate holidays and milestones with potlucks and myriad adventures, but who rallied behind Charlotte in times of need. Most notably, Charlotte's friends surrounded her with love, support, and care so that she could stay at home for her last months. Her family is in debt and awe to those who brought her food, music, poetry, and sustenance for this final journey, especially Sherry Lee, Keith Yale, Greg Grallo, Janet Harvig, Jack Wright, Katie Davidson, Margie Costa, Bev Young and the supportive staff at Hospice of Missoula.

In addition to her friends, Charlotte is remembered by her brother and sister-in-law, Richard and Rita Davis, her nieces and their spouses, Kathy Linford (Rob), Alexandra Botello (Anthony), Alissa Davis, Danielle Trucksess (Christopher), Emily Betz (Brett) and nephews and their spouses, Lawrence Davis (Kim) and Alexander Davis (Natasha) and many grand nieces and nephews. She is also survived by her dear Shope cousins, especially Ed who visited her in the months before she passed. Charlotte "adopted" an Iranian family through the International Friendship Program and is sorely missed by Esmaeil Parsa, Nayyereh Khamseh and their daughters.

Charlotte was buried on August 11th in the Missoula City Cemetery, with an intimate graveside ceremony led by Greg Grallo of the Open Way Sangha and Unitarian-Universalist Church. A memorial service is planned for Saturday October 16th, 3:00 pm, at University Congregational Church.

In lieu of flowers, people may donate to the two funds that Charlotte set up at the University of Montana Foundation: the Mary Eliza Shope Scholarship for Undergraduate Music Students Studying Strings and the Charlotte Kasl Faculty Support Fund supporting Strings and Keyboard Faculty.