Anita Louise Westcott

Anita Louise Westcott (nee Chelmowski) was born on January 24, 1944, in New York City during the height of the Second World War. She spent much of her infancy in a Catholic orphanage until she was adopted by Walter and Lucille Chelmowski shortly after her first birthday. Despite losing their infant daughter the year before, Walter and Lucy realized they still had much love to give and found their way to Anita's orphanage.

Anita won the hearts of the couple in classic Anita fashion. She simply strolled over to them and sat on Lucy's lap while the other children hid or went about their business. She was too young to speak, but knowing our mother, we are sure she was chatting them up in her head in toddler-ese. Even before she could speak, she understood what people needed and she felt compelled to do whatever she could to help.

Anita was particularly close to her dad, whom she often lovingly described as the sweetest man she had ever known. She saw her dad as a model of patience and love – traits he undoubtedly passed along to his daughter. Her relationship with her mom was more complex, but she always ensured her children knew she loved her mom and that our grandmother loved her grandchildren very, very much.

Anita spent much of her childhood in Catholic school and in 1962 was a member of one of the earliest classes to graduate from St. Barnabas Catholic High School for Girls. Her Catholic education and her parents' steadfast spirituality laid the foundation for a life of faith guided by the Catholic Church. As a teenager, she adored movies and eagerly went to the local cinema every week (sometimes several times a week) to sit in the darkness with popcorn and soda immersed in sweeping stories of love and adventure. She often sat next to her first cousin and best friend, Francis. This was her most cherished "hobby" growing up in NYC.

Following high school, Anita was drawn to the skies and wanted to join the Air Force to learn to fly and serve our country as a US pilot. The times being what they were, this dream ultimately proved out of reach. Her father offered his support, but her mother adamantly opposed her entering the armed forces. Ever the peacemaker, Anita took the path of least resistance and instead attended business school to train as a secretary. Secretarial work was not quite our mom's calling, but she enjoyed and valued her co-workers and bosses. She often relived stories and spoke about the wonderful folks she worked with. Luckily, her dislike of office life was a good thing because God had other plans for Anita.

In 1963, at the suggestion of a mutual friend named Tony Iannotta, 19 year-old Anita agreed to go on a blind date with 22-year-old Raymond Douglas Westcott, Jr. Raymond had recently graduated from Hunter College with the odd degree of Bachelor of Arts in Physics. After a brief (by today's standards) courtship, Ray popped the question on March 23, 1964 in a little park in Yonkers, NY. Anita, now twenty, said yes. They were married about 14 months later on May 1, 1965 (a date referred to by the Westcotts as "our family birthday"). On the same day, Lucky Debonair won the Kentucky Derby, which is appropriate since by most accounts Ray did indeed appear debonair on that day and he was, unarguably, incredibly lucky to be marrying Anita.

Following the wedding, Anita bravely left behind her life in The Big Apple to move a few hours south to Maryland with her new husband. We are not certain what movies or news stories dominated the headlines in 1965, but mom and dad apparently felt inspired to add to the population as if they were personally responsible for the continuation of the species. Between 1966 and 1973 (a period of just seven years and three months) Anita gave birth to FIVE children-four beautiful girls, and then her first precious boy.

When asked how she did it, Mom would simply reply, "I don't remember." Despite her claim, she often began stories with "I was pregnant with Francine when…" or "Diane was a baby when…" or "It was after Debbie got sick when…" Anita's psychological will power to survive the ordinary and extraordinary trials of motherhood was a daily display of selfless heroism.

Being the mother of such a large and mischievous brood occupied the bulk of Anita's time, but she never lost her love of the skies. In what she happily described as an act of rebellion (but would now be considered a needed act of self-care), she enrolled in flight school and learned to fly a Cessna in 1977. Dad not only paid for her lessons, he would proudly shine a spotlight on her accomplishment at parties. Like Indiana Jones, she never learned to land on her own, but she did learn enough to earn her pilot's license and proudly crossed Flying Planes off her bucket list.

Speaking of bucket lists, Anita had several! When she crossed off too many things (usually with the help of her children), she would add new ones. When asked how she expected to complete her list this way, she replied that finishing was not the point. The dreams were what she wanted to hold on to.

When the last of her five children reached school age, Anita enjoyed the freedom of an empty house in the most "Anita" way possible…she had three more kids in four years. It got to the point that whenever Ray cleared his throat at dinner with his family in New York and bellowed "we have an announcement to make", everyone knew there would be another Westcott around the table within the year. Fortunately for the younger Westcott kids, Mom passed on her nurturing nature (a true gift) to her older children, who were very active in the little kids care and upbringing. When Dad passed away from cancer in 1996, the youngest three children were still living at home and provided calm and steady support as she found her own footing as a single mom. Her children's shared sense of responsibility and caring for her and for each other became the foundation of an unbreakable bond between her kids that remains to this day, despite a wide range of personalities and a 20-year age gap between the eldest, Kathleen, and the youngest, Dan.

Like many adopted children, Anita spent her life wondering who she was. At one point, she even got her last name wrong on a lie detector test. Her birth mother gave her daughter several key gifts: biological life, the glamorous name of a movie star (look it up), the Catholic faith, and most profoundly, a chance at a better life. Through Anita's own tenacity and detective work, she discovered her birth mother's identity and was rewarded at age 60 with a bouncing baby half-brother, Alan Moch, age 59. They called each other "the country mouse" and "the city mouse" and spoke regularly. Sadly, Alan passed away a few years before Anita.

Anita never had a traditional profession. "Unlicensed therapist" might be the most accurate description. She was, by her own admission, a terrible secretary, although her typing speed was quite impressive. Mom ran her own small business selling wedding invitations and Christmas cards. It was a fitting job for someone who has been described as a walking Hallmark card. Early in motherhood, Anita discovered her passion for crocheting. While an exact count is hard to pin down, it is comforting to know that more than 800 of her crocheted blankets are out in the world giving warm hugs to those who need them. As a tribute to her best friend, Fran, who succumbed to cancer around 1990, Mom happily spent much of her time during the last two decades crocheting "Fran's Caring Blankets" for cancer patients, including TV personality Joan Lunden, US Congressional Rep. Jamie Raskin, and Maryland Governor Larry Hogan. Her life's work was spreading warmth and comfort to anyone and everyone throughout the country – East Coast to West Coast… and possibly Alaska and Hawaii, too! If Mom spoke to you for more than 10 minutes, you probably have one of her blankets.

Anita treasured most the family she found throughout her life. She is preceded in death by her parents, Lucy and Walter Chelmowski, her beloved cousin Francis Lacarbonara, her brother Alan Moch, her son-in-law David Hardison, her husband Raymond Westcott, and her daughter Debra Westcott. Her New York and Maryland friends were also always near and dear to her heart. For a woman who came into the world with no one, she leaves behind a great multitude of loved ones who mourn her loss… her children Kathleen Hardison, Diane Westcott, Francine Miles, Raymond Westcott, III, Philip Westcott, Erin Allen, and Daniel Westcott. In addition, there are grandchildren Benjamin Hardison, Colleen, Will, Ian, and Graham Westcott, and Anita and Eli Allen. Mom often said, "I know you kids will miss me when I'm gone, but if your husbands and wives miss me, I'll know I did something right". She leaves behind loving sons-in-law Lee Miles and Bryan Allen and daughters-in-law Jessica and Lindsay Westcott.

Ultimately, Anita Louise Westcott was a lady of proud contradictions. She was humble yet stubborn. She did not shy away from solitude but loved talking to people of all walks of life. She loved tall sailing ships but loathed the beach. She never went to college but deserved several PhDs in human psychology. She had the dreams of an explorer but was anxious about the journey, and she was fine with that. She was comfortable in her own skin, confident in her own beliefs and content in body and soul. She will live always through the love we hold in our hearts and as the voice we hear in our heads reminding us to nurture the best parts of ourselves. May we never grow distant from that love or deaf to her voice.

The Westcott family welcomes donations to Heifer International in Anita's name: https://fundraise.heifer.org/team/787897. We thank you for your generosity.