Elizabeth Vallandingham

Elizabeth Jane Harman Vallandingham

August 13, 1926 – September 25, 2025

Elizabeth Jane Harman Vallandingham (known to family and friends as Betty or Liz) passed away peacefully on September 25, 2025 at the Rochester Friendly Home, surrounded by her daughters.

Born in Rochester, NY on August 13, 1926, Betty was predeceased by her beloved husband, Clay Davis Vallandingham (2006), and her siblings, Thelma Spencer, Willard Harman, and Norma Spiess. She leaves behind her five daughters-Holley Shafer (Mark), Jill Roman (Robert), Amy Carpenter (Tom), Kelly Vallandingham (Tom Bergeron), and Tina Sherwood (Ron)-as well as grandchildren Emily Wrazen (Brandon), Tracey Gates (Bob), David Johnson, Elizabeth DiMonte (Anthony), Courtney and John Henry Sherwood; and great-grandchildren Blake Wrazen, Sly Gates, and Nora DiMonte.

A graduate of John Marshall High School, Betty attended Denison University where she was honored as May Queen two years in a row and was a proud member of the Tri Delta sorority. She earned her degree in psychology in 1948.

Betty met Clay on a double date with other friends. Captivated by Clay from the start, Betty paid little attention to her own date, leading Clay to mistake her aloofness for snobbery. A year later, when he called again, she accepted-though she wasn't quite sure which young man she'd be seeing. Fate paired her with Clay, and three months later they were married on May 23, 1953, at the Rochester Divinity Chapel.

After a honeymoon in Mexico-complete with a few hair-raising adventures-they settled into a small apartment in Rochester before moving to Brighton, and eventually Pittsford, where Betty built her family's home for more than 50 years.

Betty had a gift for creating beauty and joy around her. She loved decorating and hunting for treasures at antique shops with her sisters and friends. Her "turquoise phase"-when she painted everything from chandeliers, the stereo cabinet and knotty pine paneling-remains a fond family memory. An avid gardener, she filled her backyard with flowers and vegetables, always waging a mischievous battle with the neighborhood rabbits (who sometimes found "redirect" signs pointing them toward a neighbor's yard).

A talented and tireless crafter, Betty sewed, knitted, decorated, and created-making children's clothes, bridesmaids' dresses, wedding flowers, Christmas ornaments, and more. She shared her time generously as a member of TWIG, running the Rochester General Hospital Gift Shop for several years.

Known for her spirited driving and lack of punctuality, Betty lived life with energy and humor. She organized countless family dinners, holidays, and vacations, ensuring her loved ones remained closely connected. She especially loved being on the Finger Lakes, and accordingly, visiting the wineries. She talked her way out of many a speeding ticket on 5&20 while making her way to the cottage on Seneca Lake.

Betty often expressed her gratitude for the simple joys of modern life-like dishwashers and electric mixers-and took great pride in her role as a homemaker. Above all, she was devoted to her husband, her family, and the home she created. Her love, laughter, and vision will live on through all who knew her.

A celebration of Betty's life will be held at Monroe Golf Club, a place dear to her heart where she and Clay were members for 75 years. Though she loved golf-more for the camaraderie than for her scorecard-she also enjoyed paddle tennis, gave her time as a volunteer, and proudly hosted three of her daughters' weddings at the club. Friends and family will gather in the paddle hut on Sunday, September 28, from 1–4 p.m., to share stories and toast her with her favorite dry Riesling.