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Ethan Daniel Schermer

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Ethan Schermer Obituary

Published by Legacy Remembers on Dec. 21, 2009.

Ethan Daniel Schermer, beloved father, son, brother and husband, passed away peacefully at his home in Honolulu, Hawaii on December 21, 2009.

Ethan was born on November 29, 1970 in Tucson, Arizona. He grew up in Northern California, attending Valley Oak Elementary School in Davis and then Sacramento Country Day School. At age 13, he became a bar mitzvah at Congregation B'nai Israel in Sacramento. After graduating from Sacramento High School, Ethan enrolled at the University of California, Riverside. He later transferred to the University of California, Santa Barbara, where he earned his bachelor's degree in political science. In 1998, Ethan married his college sweetheart Sabrina Nguyen. Together, they had two wonderful sons, Max and Holden.

Ethan was a natural-born entrepreneur who started several successful businesses. He authored a book on the use and abuse of anabolic steroids, which sold thousands of copies worldwide. He created and marketed his own brand of nutritional supplement. He was also a pioneer in the burgeoning business of Internet domain name monetization.

Ethan was a true adventurer who grew up skiing the slopes of Lake Tahoe and, later in life, took to the ocean to become an accomplished surfer. Ethan also loved golfing and playing the guitar. But, most of all, he loved his two sons. He and the boys enjoyed trips to the beach, swimming, kayaking, hiking and family vacations.

Ethan is survived by his sons Maximilian Hoang Schermer, 8, Holden Michael Schermer, 5, and wife Sabrina Nguyen-Schermer of Honolulu; parents Dr. and Mrs. Michael and Rochelle Schermer of Sacramento and brother David Schermer of San Luis Obispo.

Funeral services were held on December 26 at the Nuuanu Mortuary in Honolulu. In lieu of flowers, donations may be mailed to the Sacramento Society for the Blind at 2750 24th Street, Sacramento, CA 95818. Please indicate donations are in memory of Ethan Schermer.

Birth is a beginning

And death a destination

And life is a journey

A sacred pilgrimage to life everlasting

Peace be with you, beloved Ethan.

Born: Nov 29, 1970 in Tucson, Arizona / Honolulu, Hawaii

Died: Dec 21, 2009 in Honolulu, Hawaii

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June 19, 2023

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January 15, 2023

David Schermer posted to the memorial.

October 27, 2022

David Schermer posted to the memorial.

120 Entries

David Schermer

January 15, 2023

UNTITLED POEM BY ETHAN

You know I really love you

Did whatever you want of me

Took you and made you my wife

Then you went and destroyed my life

Why did you have to nag and whine

From morning till nighttime

Could have lived a life carefree

Instead you brought Hell upon me

Now what’s left is sad and blue

I though our love was more than true

The kids are great and they keep me here

But you and I are beyond repair

At last the time to part has come

Life with you just ain’t no fun

Drop your hand and say so long

All that’s left is this song

Above poem found in Beloved Ethan’s study shortly after his suicide.

Hand printed on a white paper in pencil

Not in a conspicuous place and not dated

If you have read this far, please contact me at [email protected]. I'm anxious to know if anyone still visits this site. posted by MJS on 01-15-23

David Schermer

October 27, 2022

10-27-22 Letter to Ethan from MJS

Dear Ethan,

                So much has happened since you left us in 2009 that I can only begin to touch on the highlights. Number one is the passing of your mom. Dearest Shelly was very healthy for 75 years then, in a flash, her thoracic aorta ruptured leaving her paraplegic. I had the privilege of taking care of her for the last 15 months of her life which she spent here at 1300 46th St, the home where you had your storybook childhood. In the end, it was clear that she did not want to live like that. She rightfully said, “I’m trapped in a horrible body.” At age 77 , at the end of 2020, she decided to stop eating and drinking. The whole family gathered by her side. Holden and Sabrina came from Honolulu. Dave, Julia, Natalie, and Felipe came from Ventura and Max flew in from Boston. Each had private time with Mom before she lapsed into a state of unresponsiveness. There were lots of tears and hand-holding and singing and memories. Dave and I were with her when she took her last breath, cradled in our arms. Like you, she was cremated. I have distributed her ashes to the family members and spread them in special places. Her picture is posted all over the house and I visit her memorial website almost every day, Shellyschermer.com.

                Your boys are doing great. Max is in his third year at Harvard, yes Harvard. He is in premed. Holden is doing very well at Iolani. He too will go to a top college. Sabrina is still with Max K. They are not married, nor is there any talk of marriage. She started teaching last year. You left your family in a strong financial position. Believe it or not, even after 13 years, the domains are still spinning off about $750 per month. In the beginning, it was more like $2,000 per month.

                Now I finally understand that in your mind there was no alternative to suicide. You couldn’t help yourself and there was no one who could help you. Since Mom’s passing, I have been telling people, on those rare occasions when the subject comes up, that your death was a suicide. It gets easier each time. Mom had a defect in her aorta. You had a defect in the complex chemistry that controls the nervous system. Life is an uncertain journey.

                My office is adorned with a large painting of you holding a red surfboard. Your picture is on the wall of the Cave and in my wallet. Wounds heal and memory fades, but you, like mom, will always be here with me…always, always.

Love,

Dad

David Schermer

January 20, 2021

The Day Ethan Was Born

            We knew this could be difficult because it was a 60 mile drive to the hospital where Shelly would deliver her second baby. This was 1970 and we were living on the Papago Indian Reservation. It was ironic that one of my major duties was to deliver babies for the Indian women and by November I had done this enough to be confident. Since the Indian hospital was for the exclusive use of the Indian population we were discouraged from using any of its scarce resources.

            My recollection is that her water broke in the afternoon of Sunday November 29th.   My mother was visiting because we knew that we would need someone to look after David who, at that point, was not quite two years old. Shelly sat in the front seat while I drove. Her contractions were coming at wide intervals, but as we got closer to Tucson the interval shortened.   All the while I knew that in the unlikely event that we did not make it in time I could pull over and deliver the baby. We brought rudimentary supplies like a clean sheet, a scissors and clean towels.    Shelly was relaxed and serene because she had absolute trust in me.    All the while I was reviewing in my head what I would do if our second child was born before we made it to the hospital.

            The contractions were about a minute apart when we got to the hospital in Tucson. Our OBGYN had been alerted so he met us in the admitting department.   Shelly was whisked to a hospital room where she could be examined then the doctor came to talk to me, man to man, doctor to doctor. He asked if I wanted her to have sedation known as twilight sleep. This would make the delivery painless, but she would lose all memory of the event. Remember this was 1970.   It did not occur to either me or the OBGYN to ask Shelly about this. Without hesitation I answered “Yes” because I did not want my beloved to be in pain.   Later when Shelly learned about this decision I was surprised that she was disappointed because she had not been consulted. Again, remember this was 1970. She had wanted the inimitable experience of a natural delivery.

Ethan was born about an hour after my misbegotten decision on a warm clear sunny desert day. His Apgar score was a perfect ten.   I saw him for the first time through the glass of the nursery swaddled in a blanket sleeping peacefully in his bassinette. My heart swelled with pride. We had another healthy son and Shelly came through like a trooper. He had a future as big and bright as the desert sky.     There is beautiful picture of tiny Ethan in the arms of his young mother as she lay in bed recovering. It is one of my all-time favorites because he is looking up at her with wonder and she is lovingly kissing his little forehead. He had a world of support, love and opportunity.

            I must have driven back to the reservation sometime Sunday night. Shelly came home on Tuesday or Wednesday. My mother and little David were there to greet us with a welcome sign and flowers. It was a perfect beginning with a healthy pink infant and a strong stoic mother. This was exactly what we expected at that time. It was a storybook life where only good things happened. We walked down the path of the future with optimism and smiles not willing to believe that life is an uncertain journey.

David Schermer

December 20, 2017

This is a collection of emails sent to Michael & Shelly near the time of Ethan’s death in December 2009. Michael is posting them on Wednesday December 20, 2017, the day he calls

“Ethan Day.”

6-8-10

Shorm,

Sorry I did not reply sooner, but I don't check this e-mail account regularly.

The news about your son is every parent's nightmare. Our 40-year old son has had many close calls, and every so often I wake up in the middle of the night in a sweat, expecting that we will outlive him. I don't know how we could cope with a tragedy like you had. Our hearts go out to you and Shelly.

Mark and Jo Ellen______________________________________

-----Original Message-----

From: Leland P. Schermer [mailto:[email protected]]

Sent: Thursday, December 24, 2009 12:14 PM

To: 133 Schermer

Subject:

Michael and Shelly -

Bonnie just called my house with the terrible news about Ethan. I have such

fond memories of the few times I met him.

Our hearts break for all of you.

Please let me know what we can do, if you feel like you can communicate. We

would like to do anything possible. I mean it.

You both have been such an inspiration to us, particularly in times of need;

we would like to do the same for you.   I understand you are in Hawaii, and

we have no contact information.

We love you and are with you in spirit.

Leland

_________________________________________

3-11-10

Mike, I just had dinner with Mark Moscowitz's son Craig, whom you recently saw when he went to Sacramento. Craig told me the sad news about your son. Needless to say, Mike, no words could possibly suffice in this instance. But I just want you to know that despite the distance and passage of time, you have many friends who care about you and feel for your loss. I am one of them.

All my best thoughts and wishes to you and your family.

Donny Fine

______________________________________

Dear Dr. Schermer,      3-3-10

I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. My sincere condolences to you and family. I have experienced many losses in my life and I know how your feelings. Hang in there.

Thanks,

Ngoc

_____________________

Hi Dr. Schermer,          3-2-10

I am so sorry to hear this.

Lan and I got very shocked on this, we have two boys, too. I viewed all the pictures, your grand sons’ paintings, your notes and could not hold the tears even I’ve never met Ethan. I wish I could know this sooner and share with both of you, Sabrina and your family something that would never be faded away.

Please accept our condolences on this huge loss….

I know for sure he rests in peace now….

With the beautiful song you sing to him….

When you walk through a storm

Hold your head up high

And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of the storm

There's a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on, through the wind

Walk on, through the rain

Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart

And you'll never walk alone

You'll never walk alone

Any time you have a chance to visit Orange County, let us know and we can get together. Are you still at the same phone?

With all best wishes,

Quang & Lan

______________________________________________

Hello Michael and Shelly,          3-31-10

I recently looked at the website that all of you made in memory of Ethan........ and I just wanted you to know how absolutely amazing I think it is. It's a very, very fine tribute to him.

I think of you and those darling grandchildren often, and would very much like call you. I've heard however, (through the grapevine), that you weren't up to talking ~~ so I haven't made the attempt. I'll leave it up to you to let me know when I can do this.

In the meantime, please know that you, and David and family too, are in my thoughts. Hope to hear from you soon.

Love,

Laurie

__________________________________

On Sun, Jan 3, 2010 at 3:04 PM, <[email protected]> wrote:

Dear Mickey,

I do not know what to say. I cannot even imagine your and Shelley's pain and sorrow. My deepest and heartfelt condolences and love to both of you. I have been thinking about you every day. I hope you are holding up as best as possible.

Linda and I are going on a trip to India on January 7 and will be back Feb.1. If you feel like talking before I leave, please call me on my cell. Otherwise, I will call you when I get back.

With love and a big embrace,

Lee,

__________________________________

Mike,    2-9-10

Welcome back. I am so sorry for your loss. It is unimaginable to lose a child, at any age. I wish you a swift recovery and the best to you and your family.

Skip Jahn

_____________________

Michael,           2-8-10

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son Ethan. It is an unimaginable loss.

I know from the little time Monte and I spent with you that you have a very close family. Your Family and Faith will help all of you through this time. Your family will be in our prayers.

Steven Wood MD.

___________________________

Dear Shelly,      2-5-10

Thank you for sharing Ethan’s video with me. Wow!! Everyone was so

young, and I had forgotten what the sanctuary had actually looked

like. It was a wonderful video, and I hope, a wonderful reminder for

you about what a joyous time that was. What a beautiful young man you raised.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Alfi

________________________________

Dear Dr. Schermer,      1-28-10

I was terribly saddened to hear of the loss of your son. I just heard about his passing last night from Mark Lucas of USABA, and read about Ethan on the memorial website. My wife and I will be honoring your wish to make a contribution to the Society for the Blind in memory of Ethan.

Heidi and I will be donating $1,000 to the Society for the Blind youth scholarship fund this year in memory of Ethan and to honor your commitment to the visually impaired community in the Sacramento area.

Our prayers are with you and your family.

With greatest respect,

Richard & Heidi Hunter

______________________

Michael,    1-27-10

A parents worst fear is losing their child before they pass. I cannot imagine the pain and grief.

My deepest sympathy for the loss of your son Ethan.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and Ethan.

Respectfully,

Mark

____________________

Dear Michael and Shelley.          1-24-10

Please forgive my paralysis in not writing to you sooner. We knew you were not able to communicate, so I was left without a clear knowledge of when to call or write.

We are all so saddened and sorrowful at the loss of your beautiful son, Ethan. We cannot begin to comprehend the depth your sorrow, but want you both to know that we love you, support you, and wish daily for your hearts to begin healing. You are magnificent parents, consumed by love for your family, making Ethan's passing that much more unbearable. We hope you are able to spend time with the grandchildren and find Ethan in their smiles, their little voices and their love for you.

We would love to spend some time with you on your return. Please let us know when tyou are ready.

Love, David and Jacqueline.

______________________________

Dear Mike,        1-13-10

I will be home on 1/23 and look forward to talking with you that weekend.

I am sure it has been difficult. Ethan was a fun-loving and exciting man and we will always remember him so.

Love,

Bobby

__________________________________

Michael,           1-13-10

words can't describe...

I just found out. I had been out of town. Please if there is anything we can do. We are so sorry for your family.

Dane and Gwen

_____________________

1-7-10

Mike and Shelly, I just found out about your son. We were out of town last week. I was told that you preferred not to have calls or visitors but I wanted to express my sadness at your loss. I wish I had something comforting to say but the only thing that comes to mind is to say that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

When the time comes that you are accepting visitors please let me know.

In the mean time, if there is anything, and I do mean anything, I can to help you get through this, please ask me.

Sincerely,

Skip

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David Schermer

May 21, 2013

To
the Schermer family,
          I came across this page while
thinking about your family and I am so surprised to hear of one of the little
boys whom I watched over for a very brief time, already gone from this earth. I
have often thought back to that summer during which I watched David and Ethan
when you were setting up shop in the house as I've moved back home after a long
life elsewhere in the world.

          I remember the boys watching
"Wonder Woman" and dancing around with joy and I've told that story
to others about the joys of working with children. I remember driving the boys around in my father's old Falcon to the pool and hanging out with them. I
remember reading to the boys of course as I always have filled that role in my
own family. I know that the boys were very kind to me and patient as I didn't
resemble your former childcare person.

          As a mother of two myself now, I can
only say that I am very touched to hear that Ethan's run wasn't as long as some
of us but that it sounds as though he was a fine young man. I have no doubts
about that.

          To Ethan's children, your daddy was a
great little boy.

Sincerely,
Heather B.

David Schermer

May 21, 2013

Dear Mike and Shelly, 12-31-09

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You have been constantly on my mind. Tonight
we drove to Old Sac to see the brief fireworks at 9pm, and then I suggested a
drive through your neighborhood before we headed home. We thoughtfully
passed your home, porch light on and a lamp glowing inside the living room.
All is calm and still and I reflect especially on the past decade,
actually going back to the summer of '98 when I joyfully attended Ethan and
Sabrina's wedding at Dana Point. I remember practically every minute of that
fine weekend, with so many of your friends and neighbors who traveled to
southern CA to join special friends. It is at times like this that I
trust you gather strength through the emotional support of strong friendships
built over your many years in Sacramento.

And reflecting back to the 2000 turn on the
century, you home was filled with close friends gathering strength for the
uncertain years ahead.

And more profoundly I think back to the night in
October '98 when you answered my call and came to my home after Derek's death.
Your taking me home and just being thoughtfully present offered a world
of strength. And Shelly came to the house again and again just to have an
important presence. You and so many of our book club members had a way of
showing up that kept me sane. The hurt never goes away because the loss
is one of such a loving person. I remember asking Carol Bass about
healing, and she too reminded me that feelings don't change. So I think
the depth of our love is measured by the depth of our grief. You both provided
such stability for me. Take comfort in what you have done for others, for it
has a way of coming back to you in a reflection of love for family and friends.

You have such pride in the way you have raised
your family and launched them into the next generation. At times thoughts
occur such as why wasn't it our more senior lives foreshortened so that our
kids could have more time on this earth. But your entire family is known
for their loving and kindness toward others, and somehow in this spirit of
kindness and outreach the spirit of our loved ones lives on.

With love and deepest sympathy,

Barbara Arnold

Jerry Jacob

January 22, 2010

I've been overwhelmed with memories of Cousin Ethan, I'll try to pick a few. Ethan was fearless, the first indication I remember was a short video David and Ethan made as a parody of Tom Cruise in "Risky Business". David editing live in the camera and Ethan, in jockey shorts, bouncing enthusiastically on the couch. A natural, confident performer, skills which would inform his entrepreneurial future. In high school Ethan organized a few friends into a golf ball retrieval enterprise, scooping golf balls out of local water hazards and selling them to Driving Ranges. Ethan was gifted with an intellectual curiosity and willingness to ask for confirmation of his ideas, albeit sometimes after their implementation. His building an empire based on a term paper was nothing short of genius. If he found a better way, he did it. He astounded me with his early capture of the value of monetizing domain names on the Internet. I held 50 domain names, Ethan captured thousands. For all his success, Ethan never forgot family he and Sabrina brought two charming sons into the world and Ethan's legacy lives on in the person of Max and Holden.
He will be sorely missed.

Michael Schermer

January 4, 2010

From the eulogy presented by Ethan's father, Dr. Michael Schermer on December 26, 2009
We are blessed with two wonderful children. David and Ethan. Today I want to talk about Ethan, who is two years younger than Dave. His life can be divided into two parts - the California part and the Hawaii part.
Ethan was actually born in Arizona in 1970. We lived for two years on an Indian reservation -- the first two years of Ethan´s life. He played outside with his brother Dave and the Indian children. Ethan would do his best to keep up by crawling in the desert as fast as he could while the other kids were already able to run.
The California phase began in Davis, California in the summer of 1972. This green college town was quite a change from the brown Arizona desert. It was in Davis that Ethan gave us a glimpse of his future. He had a successful lemonade stand at the age of four.
Sacramento followed Davis when I started my ophthalmology practice. Ethan was eight years old and he was a star in the neighborhood. He was the pitcher on the little league team. His friends were in and out of the house all the time. Dave, Lee, Joey, Steve, Ross, Cameron, Kurt...we have them all on videotape. That was the era when home videos started. We have priceless videos of boys just being boys. These are some of our beloved memories.
It was in Sacramento that he next showed his entrepreneurial inclination. One day, Shelly noticed that his toys were missing. Ethan looked up at her and said he wasn´t using them, so he sold them to the other kids.
When he was 13 he had a beautiful Bar Mitzvah that was featured on the local TV evening news. This was in 1983, way before cable, and it was a big deal.
Everything was going his way; he was a star burning brightly. Ethan played on the high school tennis team and breezed through his studies. Then he went to college at U.C. Riverside where he met Sabrina. He was only 18 when they met.
After one year, he transferred to U.C. Santa Barbara because Dave was there and he loved the water. Sabrina followed him to Santa Barbara. Before we knew it, she was going on trips with our family to Florida, Yosemite and Mexico.
One summer he and his good friend Lee, who is here with us today, drove around California and Nevada collecting golf balls from the lakes and ponds at the various courses where they had negotiated contracts. It was a summer long business adventure. The balls were easy to resell for a profit. The business was called Golf Ball Miners. At the end of the summer, they were able to get a very good price for the exclusive contracts they had negotiated.
At U.C. Santa Barbara, Ethan wrote a footnoted term paper about the use and abuse of anabolic steroids. He turned the paper into a book with a catchy name, marketed it, sold thousands of copies and launched a tremendous business career. He had ideas I could not understand. He believed he could sell his college paper as a book and he was right. Bodybuilders bought it back then in 1990 and they continue to buy it. He did that as a college junior. He was burning bright and hot.
Ethan was a successful author as an undergraduate at U.C. Santa Barbara. He got his degree in four years and he was self-supporting. Later, as an expert on anabolic steroids, he was quoted in national magazines like Playboy.
Next he realized that there was a market for safe nutritional supplements to help the bodybuilders like the ones who bought his book. Since he had the addresses of the book customers, he had the target market for the nutritional supplement he discovered.
He marketed Growth Factor One and made a good living. He moved from a little apartment in Santa Barbara, where Shelly and I slept on the floor, to his own house in Elk Grove, a suburb of Sacramento. It was a big house and no one believed that the two kids going in and out of that house were the owners. The California phase of his life was a glowing success.
Things got better and better. They sold the house in Elk Grove and moved to a penthouse here in Honolulu. This was the beginning of the Hawaii phase.
Ethan could work out of his home and surf whenever he wanted. He had a storybook life. A new thing came along. It was called the Internet. To market his products, Ethan started a domain called NutritionalSupplements.com.
He knew early on that internet was the big new thing, he knew it was revolutionary. At the time I did not understand, he was right again. Later he developed a portfolio of thousands of domain names and along came Yahoo and Google wanting to put ads on them. He knew it was like owning thousands of billboards. He was a Hawaiian star burning bright and hot.
Max was born in 2001 and they moved from the penthouse to the house on the hill with the magnificent ocean view. Three years later Max was joined by brother Holden. In Hawaii, Ethan was an entrepreneur par excellence and a marketing wizard He did things, like all forward thinkers, that other people could not understand. His star was burning hot and bright.
Business development, surfing and golf were important in the Hawaiian experience, yet this whole thirteen year phase can be summed up in two words...Max and Holden. They were his purpose for living, his whole life. He loved being a stay at home dad. Ethan was very proud of them and so very happy when he was with them. I can say without question that Max and Holden are the finest legacy any man could have.
When Ethan was a baby I would sometimes sing to him.
Beloved Ethan, here´s a song to help you rest.
When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At he end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown. Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.
Love you for always.

Jill Baros

March 4, 2010

Dr. Schermer & Shelly,

Words seem a poor substitute for the ache of ones heart, but know that you and your family, especially Ethan's little boys are in my prayers and you are thought of with the warmest regards.

Art Brownstein

January 23, 2010

My sincere condolences are with you, Shelly and Mike and the entire Schermer family during this extremely difficult and trying time for you all.

As you know (if you didn't know it before), life does not hand out greater pain, nor inflict any deeper wound--than the loss of your own child.

When my brother Mark passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, I saw this first hand with our mother. She was in the midst of a three year battle with metastatic ovarian cancer, and when she got the news of Mark's passing, it broke her spirit completely, and she lost the will to go on. She passed away from her cancer shortly thereafter.

At a time like this, it is imperative that you and Mike be loving with yourselves, individually, and collectively. There is absolutely no place for guilt, condemnation, or projected judgments of any form, especially now. There can also be no intellectualizing in an attempt to make sense of what happened and why. The Mind as an instrument of understanding is totally inadequate at a time like this. Only the heart knows. Even Einstein knew this.

This is a time to feel and express true love and complete forgiveness for yourselves and everyone else. Nothing less is required, if you would allow true healing to begin.

It is my deepest prayer and sincerest wish that we all can let the healing begin. Somehow, I believe that your son would want this.

Please know that I support you completely in this regard.

If I can be of further service to you in your time of need, please let me know.

God Bless, and Love,
Art Brownstein

David Fisher

January 16, 2010

My name is David Fisher. I surfed with Ethan about 15 times over the past 4 years and Eathan's brother David said it clearly...he was fearless. I can think of about a hundred waves that he droped in to that I would have never dreamed of...a few over 20'. My sun Kuhao was in Max's class for 2 years at Waldorf and both of our families had ice cream together after school about 6 times. He was a GREAT man and one I am pround to have known.

David Schermer

January 3, 2010

From the eulogy presented by Ethan's brother, David Schermer on December 26, 2009
Ethan was my baby brother...two years younger than me. I admire so many things about him. But the one that stands out the most was his fearlessness.
When we were kids growing up in Sacramento, we would often go to the river to find adventure. We would float down the white water rapids. We would build rope swings in huge trees and fly through the air, landing in the cool water on those 100 degree summer days.
But Ethan was braver than me. To get to the river, we had to cross a large foot bridge high above the water below. We often talked about how fun it would be to jump from the bridge into the river. I was too scared to do it, but Ethan wasn´t. He took the plunge and sailed into river. He landed a little sideways and when his ear hit the water, the force broke a hole in his eardrum. For the next few weeks, while it was healing, he could do the coolest trick. He could hold his nose and blow air out of his ear.
Having a little brother who was able to do things I couldn´t do wasn´t easy. But Ethan could. When we´d go skiing at Lake Tahoe, he tore up the slopes and took these incredible jumps like I never could, he easily beat me at tennis, he could surf and golf and play the guitar. And when it came to business, his skills were unmatched.
So many times, we thought his business ventures were foolish and destined to fail. But our skepticism only motivated him to prove us wrong. And he did. He wrote a book about the dangers of steroids, he created his own brand of nutritional supplement, he invested in internet domain names. Ethan had an innate sense for marketing, copy writing and negotiating that served him well. His businesses thrived and let him build a life most people only dream of.
With his success came generosity to an extent I never would have imagined. He shared what he had with friends and family in need. He even invited me to join in his success as a partner in one of his web sites. Because underneath his stubbornness, Ethan was a loving, caring person who valued family above all else.
Ethan´s passing has left me with a void that will never be filled. I will hold on to thousands of priceless memories like Special Night in Davis, ski trips to Homewood where we would play board games by the fire, gorging ourselves at Luis´s and the Mongolian barbecue. And especially seeing Ethan grow into the loving father of his boys Max and Holden.
More than ever before, I understand that our time on this earth is fleeting, and no one knows when it will end. We really do need to live every day to the fullest because it could be our last. So play with your kids...call your brothers, sisters and parents just to say hi...do something to make your wife or husband smile. Because the people we love are all that really matters in life.

Ethan, you will live forever in my heart and the hearts of everyone who loves you. You live-on in the faces and the spirit of your wonderful sons. I will think about you every day until my time comes. I only hope you know how much I love you...and respect you and how proud I am to call you my brother.

Marjorie Koldinger

January 3, 2010

One more memory that makes me laugh no matter how sad things are now. Ethan put roller blades on his wedding gift list (who else but Ethan!). So I got him a pair. I dropped by and he put them on and went roller blading around your house.

He got a lot out of life.

Joe Devine

January 3, 2010

I am so very sorry to hear about Ethan and I am sorry for your loss. Frankly, I can not believe it and I am in shock and so sad. Although Ethan and I were not close as adults in recent years, I still think of him very often and have some of my most cherished memories with him. He was like a brother to me growing up. He was one of the sweetest, most honest, most creative, and happiest people I have ever met. I can only regret I didn't spend more time with him and experience more of his kind friendship. My deepest sympathies go out to his family especially his boys who I know he cherished so much and enjoyed spending so much time with. My family's thoughts and prayers will be with you.

With sympathy,

Kurt Koldinger

January 3, 2010

I am so very sorry to hear of Ethan's passing. This came as such a shock to us at the Koldinger home.

I have so many fond childhood memories involving Ethan and David - trips to Old Sac to buy Jelly Bellies, tree tag at the Sac State bus transfer station while waiting to get on the number 81 bus to Country Day School, turning Schermy into a tree climbing dog, killer bike rides along the bike trail - notably entailing frequent diversions onto the horse trails (our early attempts at mountain biking), cramming into the Chevy Corvette for a trip down to the park, barbequing/swimming/boating at Rancho Seco Park, and climbing just about any object in the greater Sacramento area which afforded us the challenge.

My condolences to the Schermer family. I am so sorry and sad that Ethan is gone.

Love,

Kurt, Karla, Margaret, & Sabrina Koldinger

Jane-Marie HERMANN-CAPRONNIER

April 18, 2016

I will keep in mind the cute little boy, who jumped on the water bed , when I visited you in Davis as a French student.... Wonderful time I will never forget ...

Ezra

May 5, 2011

Dr. Schermer,

I was last in your office in January, and Georgia told me about the loss of your son.

I thought about you my entire drive home to San Francisco, and many times since. Now it is Passover, and after the Sedar I reflected upon my father, and all my relatives that have passed. I thought about the canopy the previous generation provides - a separation between us and our own mortality. But losing a child would shake the foundation.
That is how I felt when we lost a cousin a few years ago.

I'm sorry I missed you during my last visit. Just wanted you to know that I thought about you, and your family. All I can do is wish you the strength and benediction to carry on, and I know you will have it.

B J Bess

February 22, 2011

Michael and Rochelle, What a tragic loss for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you. The empty place in your hearts will fill with the wonderful memories that were your lives with Ethan.

Tracy Fine

September 19, 2010

Dear Schermer Family,
I was so saddened to hear about the loss of Ethan. (I just found out yesterday while attending High Holiday services at B'nai Israel.) I had known Ethan from Sacramento Country Day School, as well as religious school. Although I did not know Ethan as an adult, I have many fond memories of him during our treks to Vic's for ice cream and pop quizzes in Mr. Newcomb's history class. Please accept my sincere condolences.
Best regards,
Tracy Fine

Reese Jacob

May 23, 2010

Dear Michael,

I wanted to let you know I watched the video of Ethan's Bar Mitzvah. I was deeply moved by it. What a wonderful and remarkable young man. I only wish I had the opportunity to have met him. It was so good for me to see him with his loving family at a very special and important time in his life.

When I had the pleasure of meeting you and Shelly, I knew I was in the presence of two very special and loving people. You continue to show how loving you are. I'm so happy to be a member of this beautiful family.

Stephen and I will look forward to speaking with you soon. Please give our love to Shelly.

With love and prayers,
Reese

Carole Levin

May 13, 2010

Michael and Shelly,
My thoughts, prayers, and love go out to you and your family. I cannot imagine how difficult these past months must have been, and continue to be, for you. I am greatly saddened that the news of Ethan's passing has just now reached the So Cal cousins. Thank you for putting this website together--it has given me the opportunity to witness some of the joy that Ethan brought to the world.
With all our love,
Cousins Carole, Allison, Joshua, and Rebecca

Jeff Schermer

May 5, 2010

Dearest Michael & Shelly,
I found out just last night about Ethan's passing - I cannot even begin to imagine the sadness and grief you are going through. Although I have wonderful memories of attending his wedding in Laguna beach, my fondest memories of Ethan are those of visiting you in Sacramento when he was just a young boy - I remember his laughter and playfulness as well as how much fun it was to spend time with both Ethan and David. My heart and thoughts are with all of you - I love you so very much.

Ryan Fenchel

April 13, 2010

Rest in Peace my friend. You will be missed. One day we will surf, golf and have fun together just like the days we spent at UCR and UCSB.

Love,

Ryan

Jonathan Andelson

April 15, 2010

Dear Shelly and Mike,

I very much regret that I only knew Ethan as a newborn, as a little boy (when I visited you in Sacramento, when your dad broke his wrist falling off the pogo stick), and then as a groom. But at least I had those markers in his life to latch onto and remember at this grievous time.

Unfortunately, for Karin and the girls Ethan is a name and a picture and some stories. How much our geographical dispersal and everyone´s busyness reduces family contact. I fear it is a part of the modern condition.

When Larry called with the news I literally could not believe my ears. The tears that flowed spontaneously were for Ethan, but also for you, for David and for his children. He was far too young; his death so defies the proper ordering of life´s events. At least he has children, and that is a blessing.

Our hearts are out to all of you. You should not have had this experience, but life is not fair. I hope you are finding ways to understand it all. We all send our love.

All our love,

Jon & Karin, Maya, Marta & Emma

Lotte Colbert

March 25, 2010

Dr. and Mrs. Schermer,

I am so sorry to hear about Ethan. Please know my thoughts are with you and your family.

The Vander Wegen Family

March 6, 2010

Dear Dr. & Mrs. Schermer,
We were saddened to learn about your great loss when your beloved son Ethan was taken from you.
We hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you were wonderful parents to him. You were always there when the boys performed in the gymnastic meets. I'm sure your sons knew they were loved.
Sincerely,
The Vander Wegen Family
Audrey (Terry) Rick and Annie

Heather Frank

March 6, 2010

Dear Dr. & Mrs. Schermer,
I have never seen an outpouring to match this. I am so sorry for your loss, but heartened by the support and respect you have in the community.

Best regards,
Heather Frank
Executive Director
Sacramento Society for the Blind

Todd Mittleman

February 28, 2010

Shelly & Michael,
I'm finding it hard to write about your loss because I have no idea what you might be going through. It hurt my heart to hear the news and I am so sorry because you have been wonderful people in my life and I ask "How can this happen?" "Why to them?"
I have loved you both for looking out for my Mom and staying in touch and pray you find some solace or peace of mind with time.
Please accept my deep sympathies.
Love,
Todd

Phyllis

February 28, 2010

Dear Michael and Shelly,
We are so close to you and we feel such sadness that Ethan is no longer with you.
You have been and are the most dedicated and loving parents. Family means everything to you.
There is never a way to understand why such tragedy happens. There is only the hope and the prayers that you can find some solace in all that he meant to you and in the fact that he knew how much you loved him.

With all my love,

Pat Samuelson

February 24, 2010

I received this note when my Dad died. I'd like to share it with you.

"for each hour of your loneliness
I wish you a day of comfort
for each minute of grief
a year of peace
and for every tear,
a thousand reasons to smile."

I'm thinking of you at this time of sorrow and hoping you will find comfort in warm memories of your son.

Karen Christenson

February 17, 2010

Dear Shelly and Mike,

Even though it may be but a meager solace for you, Ed and I join so many others who care so much about you in trying to express our heartfelt sorrow at the loss of you beloved son. Just as I am sure that love for our children is deeper and truer than any love we could ever have imagined, I know that your grief at losing Ethan must be even more unimaginable.

I have always though of the two of you as symbols of what other parents should aspire to--unequivocal in your love, constant in your support and acceptance, with unwavering pride and joy in your "boys" at every age. I know that you will continue to be a source of all that is strong and good in the lives of your dear grandsons.

Trust that you have helped Ethan be forever at peace...I hope that you too will somehow find a measure of peace, and even joy, at realizing what your love has sown and will continue to nourish always with Max and Holden,

With love,

The University of Michigan Alumni Club of Sacramento

February 6, 2010

Dear Dr. and Mrs. Schermer.... Mike and Shelly,

We would like you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Please accept our deepest sympathy for the heartbreaking and untimely loss of your son, Ethan.

"Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon
and a horizon is nothing save
the limit of our sight."

Rossiter Worthington Raymond

Michael Barbour and Valerie Whitworth

February 6, 2010

Dear Michael and Shelly:

Today it was at first a great pleasure to see you (Michael) after more than a year's hiatus of our being out of touch. But Valerie and I did notice that something unsaid was occupying your thoughts, and then it was gut-clutching to hear you tell of Ethan's passing. Many parents have written about their loss of a child or adult offspring, often concluding that there could be no greater loss. Ethan was very near the ages of our three (Julie, Alan, Steve), and when we try to put ourselves in your place we feel tears form, our heart begins to race, and a great emptiness expands within us. How difficult it must be to keep going on with life after such a death.

I recall--decades ago--Norma and I coming to your Davis house for evenings of bridge, always including a cigar apiece for the two guys to enjoy (what did we know about cancer in those days?) Always the two boys formed a busy background presence, coming into focus for a dessert or a word of caution about the rowdiness that all children grow through, then going back to their play. I regret the years lost between us when you moved to Sacramento, and we saw Ethan less often. In reading the account of his life in the Bee obituary, I realized that I had not known him as an adult--what we missed! You must have been proud of his accomplishments and of the person he had become. We will try to find a copy of his book on anabolic steroids to read. Books have a way of extending the life of an author by the information in them that continues to reach new readers, many years after death.

We will make a donation in his name to the Sacramento Society for the Blind. Many years ago I used to read the Bee over a special radio station in Sacramento that was devoted to reaching blind listeners. So even in death, Ethan is affecting me, directing me to good places.

May God bless you two and your son David. I wish I could remember the full poem, but the concluding lines describe the departure of a sail boat over the horizon, drawing the expression "there she goes" from those left on shore, while at the same time on some other shore the boat first appears on the horizon, drawing the expression "here she comes" from those on that shore.

With much affection and empathy,

Sarah Sherlock

January 31, 2010

Dr. Schermer and family,
I haven't stopped thinking and praying for you since I heard the awful news. I never knew Ethan, but I could always see the pride on Dr. Schermer's face when he talked about him. It's an incredible loss, and all I can say is I'm sorry...and I'll continue to pray for the family--especially those two sweet boys of his.

Muhammad Amir

January 26, 2010

I know Ethan well through his pictures in Dr. Schermer's office. I met him a few times in person in Sacramento and found him a very humble, decent and interesting person. Talking to him was a pleasure and his words and ideas were a direct reflection of his high intellect. My plan to visit him one day in Hawaii and to play golf with him will never become true now. He is and will be missed enormously by family and friends.

Delfino & Joanne Lopez-Rojas

January 30, 2010

We are so sorry for your loss. Please know that you have our love, support and prayers with you each and every day. Ethan was an outstanding young man, son, father and brother and we know that he is looking down on you right now, rejoicing that you were his parents and Dave was his big brother. You'll always have him with you in spirit and he'll have his special place in your hearts, and all the many wonderful and fun memories are yours to keep forever.

We're here for you. If there is any kind of emotional comfort or support you might need please count on us... We are only a phone call or e-mail (we'll try!?) away. Remember: "Nothing is as real as the moments we've shared".

With our kindest thoughts and Love.
Delfino & Joanne

Cheri Howard

January 25, 2010

I am so sorry to hear about Ethan. It doesn't seem fair that a person so full of life was taken from this earth way too soon. My thoughts and condolences are with the entire Schermer family.

Katherine Folkins

January 18, 2010

Dear Schermer family,
Our hearts are heavy over your loss. Please accept our deepest sympathy.
Kathy and Carlyle Folkins

Ema Gluckmann

January 14, 2010

I still don't think it has really sunk in; that Ethan is really gone. But, only his physical being is gone. The spirit and love that he had for his family and friends will live on forever. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to know him as a young teenager and as an adult. He grew up into a wonderful, giving, loving man whose gentle spirit will live on in his sons. I will miss him. Love, Ema Gluckmann (Ed and I send our deepest condolences).

Katie Gallager DiPietro

January 14, 2010

I'm so very saddened about your family's loss. Ethan was my classmate at Sac High- I remember him as a really nice, smart kid. He was in my class and David was in my sister Lori's class, so to me they were a brother duo. The depth of pain of losing one's brother (or child, or dad, or husband...) like this is unimaginable, and my heart goes out to you for peace and healing.

Nancy Ravin

January 11, 2010

Shelly and Mike; no words can express how sad we feel for your loss. Every parent can only place himself in the same position and wonder how the world can ever be a beautiful place again. I hope we will be able to talk once you are back in Calif. Nancy and Jim and Ellen R.

Sharon L. Litsky

January 11, 2010

Dear Shelley and Michael--This is such a sad time for you, I cannot begin to imagine. Please know that I am thinking of you and send you my sincere condolences. Sharon Litsky

Lee F.

January 11, 2010

Ethan will always be remembered as a dear lifelong friend and he will be sadly missed. He was an accomplished golfer, surfer, kayaker, and snow-skier; business pioneer in diverse fields ranging from mail-order to internet marketing to stock investing; and a dedicated family man who lived for and through his two young sons. He was an all around stand-up good guy who had a talent for making people laugh, and was always willing to help other people. My thoughts and prayers are with the Schermer family. May you Rest in Peace Ethan, my friend.

Dan Gibbons & family

January 11, 2010

I have memories of hanging out in SB with Dave and Ethan. I also remember the stories of one of Ethan´s business ventures... collecting submerged golf balls. I have this wonderful image of Ethan in full scuba gear searching for the "gold" that was golf balls.

I am so very sorry for your loss. All of you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Monica Quintero

January 11, 2010

Dear Schermer family-- you will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Pamela and Steven Lovotti

January 11, 2010

Dear Mike and Shelly we're so very sorry about the loss of your son. It doesn't matter how old our children are when we lose them, they are still our babies.We all know the pain of grief. Not all have lost children, but any loss of a loved one hurts.Thank you for sharing your picture gallery,what a loving family. You obviously raised a wonderful son who was a great father himself.He will forever be a part of his son's spirits.We send our prayers for spiritual strength to all of the Schermer clan.

Francis Sousa

January 12, 2010

I think that Ethan would agree with Jack London, "I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." Two geniuses who died before their time.

Ethan's huge, tender, thirsty eyes, his boundless youthful energy, and his passion for life and loved ones will never leave us. We are so lucky to have such rich memories. I guess leaving such impressions was a part of who Ethan was, who he is and who he will always be.

All there is, is love,
Frank and Laurel Sousa

Larry Berg

January 9, 2010

The Bergs miss Ethan terribly. It is hard to imagine a future without him. He had an amazing grace about him as do Max and Holden. Love, Larry, Allison and Jessica.

Elizabeth Stanshaw

January 9, 2010

Dear Schermer Family, There are not words enough to express how sorry I am about the loss of Ethan. May you find comfort in family and his memories. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Molly Kelley

January 9, 2010

My love and prayers are with you all, its such a big hole in your heart.

Jacquie Coffroth

January 9, 2010

Dear Shelley & family.
Anna Lee & Margie told me of your great loss. I can empathise with you and time does heal some, but the loss is forever. Please know you are in my thoughts and accept my sincere sympathy.

Clova Smith

January 8, 2010

Dear Schermer family, We are so sorry for the loss of Ethan. There hasn't been a day go by with out our thoughts being with your family during these difficult times.
Sincerely William and Clova Smith

Susan Garcia

January 8, 2010

Dr. Schermer, Shelle, and David: No words can take the pain away of such a loss, but know that our hearts go out to you at this very difficult time. May fond memories of Ethan comfort you.

Barbara & Alan Roth

January 8, 2010

We wish you our deepest condolences on the loss of your son, Ethan.

Hunter Gallaway

January 8, 2010

Schermers,
The Gallaway boys are sorry for your loss.

Krissy Folse

January 8, 2010

Schermers,
Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. We love you... Krissy, Corey, & Colin

Georgia Winner

January 8, 2010

To all of Ethan's family....the heartache you are enduring at this difficult time is unimaginable. Please let your memories of Ethan grow in your hearts and the love and support of your friends and family carry you. Much love, Georgia and John Winner

Valerie Garcia

January 7, 2010

Although I never had the privilege of meeting Ethan, Dr. Schermer and Shelly have reflected his life through their compassion, dignity and uncompromising love. As children, the greatest testament we can give our parents is how we conduct our lives. Ethan has certainly exemplified this... My thoughts and love are with you...

Charlotte Schermer

January 5, 2010

Ethan, I will always remember you as a kind and gentle man who was so loving with your nieces (our daughters). We shared many fun family vacations and occasions together. Dave and I miss you terribly and cannot believe you are gone. Your beautiful sons will always be part of our lives. We love you.

Kris Mainwaring

January 5, 2010

MJS, Shelly, David & Family~ You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers during this time. I hope you are finding comfort in all the happy memories of Ethan and that time will ease the pain you are all enduring right now. With love,

Bonnie Shewairy

January 5, 2010

May Ethan's family find comfort in all of the wonderful memories they have of him. May they also find comfort during this difficult time in knowing that they are in our thoughts and prayers. With much sympathy and love.

Dennis, Bonnie & Denise Rasmussen

January 5, 2010

Dr. and Mrs. Schermer, you and your beautiful family are in our thoughts and prayers. May you find comfort and peace during this most difficult time.

Beryl Hunt

January 5, 2010

Ethan was a bright and shining star. Our memories of him will live on forever. Not a day goes by that he, as well as his family especially Mike and Shelly, are not in our thoughts and prayers. May there we comfort in knowing that we care dearly for you. Love Jeff & Beryl

Aimee Heaney

January 5, 2010

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your dear brother Ethan. I found out via e-mail from my parents that he had passed, and it still hasn't sunk in. I keep thinking of your sweet parents, and I can't imagine the depth of such a loss. My heart just aches for them.

Although I didn't know Ethan as an adult, I have a few fond memories of the funny kid he was. I have this one particular memory of being in the jacuzzi at your house, and we were listening to Kraftwerk on the stereo (I think it was "Pocket Calculator"). Ethan kept jumping into the hot tub and was trying to get air into his swim trunks to pouf them up...a faint, silly memory of him.

I send my deepest sympathies to you and your family and to Sabrina, Max and Holden.

With Love, Aimee

Estelle B

January 5, 2010

Keeping all of Ethan's family in our thoughts through this very difficult time . . .

2023 Holden graduates from Iolani - (6/2023) - He made us all proud, see the letter he wrote to Ethan in the Journal section.

June 19, 2023

December 2, 2021

Born 11-29-1970 - (11/29/1970) - Beautiful young mother and child.

January 20, 2021

At the house on Hawaii Loa ridge.

December 22, 2020

2004 Ethan, Max, Dave & Julia

December 22, 2020

2005 with Holden born 2004

December 22, 2020

1999 Hawaii Ethan

December 22, 2020

1997 Dave's wedding

December 22, 2020

1997 Dave's Wedding

December 22, 2020

1994 surfing at Santa Barbara

December 22, 2020

Ethan walked at 11 months

December 22, 2020

Air motorcycles in Ann Arbor in front of Skins

December 22, 2020

That's my Dad

December 22, 2020

Shelly, Max and Ethan at Huey's wedding

December 22, 2020

2013 Sabrina took them to Paris

December 22, 2020

1978 Our new home, Cleaver Hill.

December 22, 2020

Beautiful boy

December 22, 2020

Just made a good play

December 22, 2020

6 pack in Santa Barbara

December 22, 2020

1980 Dad's 1960 Corvette

December 22, 2020

Exchange Students - (1974) - With Laurance & Jane Marie on a summer outing. Jane Marie still has this picture. We visited her in 2016.

May 21, 2016

Dave's wedding in Santa Barbara - (7/26/1997) - A joyous and beautiful event when Dave and lovely Charlotte tied the knot.

March 29, 2012

Wedding Day at Dana Point - (6/1998) - All smiles at the wedding

March 29, 2012

Living Room Kayak - (1999) - Adjusting to Honolulu

March 29, 2012

Brothers 1998 - (6/1998) - Ethan on his wedding day

March 29, 2012

Ethan at David's 3rd Birthday in Sells, - (12/1971) - That's one year old Ethan in the red outfit.

March 29, 2012

Passover in Sacramento - (1980) - Ethan is on the far left. Rob and Danny came from Michigan to visit Uncle Jerry and Aunt Penny back in 1980. We lost Danny in 2023, he was 52 years old.

March 29, 2012

Swimming in Davis with Mommy - (1972) - Just before Ethan developed his love for the water

March 29, 2012

Baby Ethan with Papago Alice - (1971) - Alice was a wonderful woman who watched Ethan when David and Shelly made the 60 mile trek to Tuscon for groceries.

March 29, 2012