Bernard Nussinow Obituary

NUSSINOW--Bernard Leo, 82, of Woodbury, NY, beloved husband of Mary Lou, loving father of Jill, Donna and Andrea and grandfather of Noah, Tess and Shane. Member of the Bar for over 60 years, animal lover, traveler, gardener, driver, mentor, WWII veteran (Navy Air Corps) and truly unique spirit filled with wit, charm, intelligence and generosity passed away peacefully on Saturday at his home. He will live forever in our hearts. Funeral Services will be held at 1pm, Monday, June 8, 2009 at Guttermans Funeral Home, 8000 Jericho Turnpike, Woodbury, NY 11797, 516-921-5757.

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Published by New York Times on Jun. 7, 2009.

Memories and Condolences
for Bernard Nussinow

6 Entries

Bob Grosby

August 12, 2024

Miss you Bernie. We shared some good times at Harvard. Partners in a blue 1931 model A Ford coupe with a rumble seat. But the best time of all was DE day when everyone was dancing in the street. We went to visit your mother who opened a bottle of Haig & Haig Pinch bottle which she was saving for such an occasion. I think it was first drink of scotch. Rest in Peace, my friend. Bob Grosby

Scott Nussinow

June 11, 2009

Given the appropriate use of profanity that Bernie would not only have heartily endorsed, but would have likely amplified, my remarks (the same as presented at the actual service) were at first censored by this site. In order to make it online, I have substituted certain words with 'derriere' and 'excrement'. I can almost hear him now...

Uncle Bernie was truly one-of-a-kind…and while that can be said casually of anyone, he really was, shall we say, unique. A driven perfectionist with powerful convictions and a strong personal compass, he, like his mother before him, was no shrinking violet. His was an acerbic wit, rife with pithy characterizations and conclusions. He had little use for small-talk and abhorred both stupidity and laziness. He was well-educated, well-read and well-informed, and if he cared about you and thought you might be interested, he’d share his thoughts…and most assuredly, his opinions.

He enjoyed reading and particularly Tom Friedman and the New York Times, and as he once characterized in an e-mail to me, “It's a great paper. I'm really going to miss it when I'm dead!”

As he aged, I think he mellowed, though Aunt Mickey, Jill, Donna & Andrea might disagree. He and I were expanding on our relationship around the time of my father’s passing…and we corresponded regularly. He offered help and encouragement, and quietly did all the things a patriarch might do. Above all, he challenged me to push myself, to not go quietly, and to never settle for second-best. He helped me when I needed help, and kicked me in the 'derriere' when I needed a kick in the 'derriere'.

Family was profoundly important to Uncle Bernie. But being of his family carried responsibility. He wanted the best for all of us, and was almost merciless in his criticisms of any of our shortcomings. He was also pragmatic in his recognition of the frailty and occasional failures in family relationships. He once wrote to me about connections lost, saying, “Long ago I theorized that unless relationships are naturally tended-to, they simply deteriorate, and life goes on, and the reach-back contact gradually dies, and without any real sense of loss, or even regret.”

In the last year or so, though still in relatively good health, Uncle Bernie spoke more of the finality of life. He wrote, “I have posted next to my desk the feature article from a NY Times Sunday Edition, entitled "THE STUGGLE TO CREATE A GOOD DEATH", the essence of which is the misery and suffering of lingering on. Obviously, the subject is on my mind…”

I had occasion to send something to him that he really enjoyed, enough so that he commented on it several times. It read, “Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well preserved body, but rather to slide in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, screaming "HOLY 'Excrement' - what a ride!”

He replied, “As you get older, closer to the end, you begin to realize that what you want is as painless and simple a conclusion as possible, without having rushed it, and that's the way it ends. But I like your portrayal of sliding into the casket with a grin and joy at the blast that life was!”

Give ‘em hell, Uncle Bernie. Go fast. Down-shift. Floor it. Screw the brakes. Drive again with reckless abandon, unfettered by the frailties of mortality. Give ‘em hell, Burn-em-up…give ‘em hell.

Andrea Nussinow

June 11, 2009

My father “Bernard Leo Nussinow” “Bernie” is a smart man, a brilliant man. He liked to drive fast cars & just drive regular cars fast. He was a king. King of his kingdom, which included his wife, three daughters and his family. Everything had to be Bernie’s way.
Bernie was generous. Generous with his money and his time and advice. When he had money he would give it freely. He also gave a lot of good advice for free. Many of you may know this as recipients of this advice.
Bernie would push you to do your best and even beyond your best to stretch your limits. He always tested everybody and would push the envelope. Sometimes, he would break the envelope too. His feeling was that it was always good to try. It would have been worse to sit on your butt and do nothing..
He always did his best. Bernie was a hardworker and gives 110% both physically and mentally. Bernie liked to work out and stay in shape. He was proud of this.
He loved his family dearly. He always taught his family how important the bond was and that you do “anything” for your family. Even if Bernie couldn’t always vocalize his love he always showed us with his actions.
Bernie is a man of action. He loved to go, go , go and do, do, do. He didn’t like doing nothing.
Bernie had a great sense of humor. He was a funny guy. His sense of humor came from his intelligence. He like to make us all laugh. At family gatherings you knew if Bernie was around you were in for a good time. better yet would be Bernie and his brother Sheldon. Now that was always a real blast.
Most of this probably sounds boring, but Bernie was anything but boring. When he married my mother Mickey, his beautiful wife and hot chick of 56 years he told her they may never be rich, but she would never be bored. He lived up to his word. Although he was rich in every sense that truly mattered. He was exciting. Very intense. Sometimes,
He was overwhelming for people because he would “tell it like he saw it”. He would just say what he felt. (even if it was blunt, or just the stuff you would only think, but never say out loud). But it was all a part of his charm.
Bernie is a charming and good looking man. He knew he was cool and smart and funny. Bernie inspired us.
Although my father’s name Bernie rhymed with attorney he liked simply to be called a lawyer. He was a lawyer for over 59 years. He never gave up his practice and went to court on March 26th, 2009 and drove to court himself. He worked until the end because he wanted it that way. He had a lot of clients that had relationships with him for years because he treated them well. He was fair and honest and always gave his best advice to them.
Bernie liked the finer things in life like good wine, champagne, food and family to enjoy it all with. He enjoyed himself immensely. In my book, Bernie is always #1. A winner and a classy guy. He was a self made man that achieved a lot in his life.
When I was young I would always say “Daddy I want a horse, I want a horse”. Well my father got me a horse. If my sisters had wanted horses they would have gotten them also. He tried to give us what we wanted if he thought it would expand our experience in life. I was lucky to have such an involved father and we got to spend a lot of time together at horses shows and doing other activities.
He loved animals of all kinds and we shared that together. Bernie raised and bred both horses and dogs . He was an American Kennel Club judge and enjoyed Salukis and more recently his boston terrier “Sweetie”
Bernie always came through for me and never let me down. I like to think he passed on a bit of his sense of humor to me. I trusted and respected him as did anyone that ever met him. I decided to make steel welded sculptures because my father once told me he like them. I always tried to please him and make my Dad proud of me.
He lived to be the oldest member of his family. He made it to his Harvard class of 1947 60th reunion which is truly an accomplishment. His education was a direct result of him having served in the Navy. He told me that it was one of the best things he did in his life because of all of the doors his education opened for him. He was loyal and honest and instilled those values in us because they were important to him.
He used to say “Make ‘em laugh,make ‘em cry, piss them off…….I was recently corrected by him, as he often corrected me, that it goes: ”Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em cry, piss them off until the day you die”.
GIVE THEM HELL IN HEAVEN BERNIE.

I will love you forever and a day……..Your daughter Andrea

Donna Burns

June 10, 2009

Bernard Leo Nussinow – my father –enjoyed life to the fullest. He walked his walk: “If a little is good, a lot is better.” For Bernie, life was meant to be enjoyed and shared with as many people as possible – family, friends and even strangers. Thinking of him, I am reminded of the lines of the poet, Dylan Thomas, who wrote:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Anyone who ever was touched by Bernie knows that his light burned brighter and stronger than most.
Bernie did not settle to be ordinary – he sought to be uncommon, unique and outstanding. He had an intense passion for everything he did. His humor and smarts were unrivaled. Always a character, he loved his family above all and to the end, did everything he could to help anyone in need, generous even when it meant denying himself. If anyone ever interfered with the happiness of those around him, they learned quickly about his fierce loyalty and strength. He made sure everyone knew: Don’t screw with Bernie or his family. He was immensely proud of his wife, children and grandchildren and reminded all of us to be tolerant and put aside our differences for the sake of family unity and harmony. Though he often quipped that “If you can fake sincerity, you’ve got it made,” Bernie was sincere.
Through his unique combination of encouragement, stray comments and choice words, Bernie made us want to shine, to be the winners that he thought we could be. His advice for everyone was “Lead, follow, or get out of the way.” Bernie always told us to do our own thing. His view was that it was better to fail over and over than give up trying. Personally, it was due to his pushing that I was able to start a Washington DC law firm over a decade ago and I view its success as a tribute to his inspiration.
Bernie also loved learning and education and instilled in us a curiosity to explore the world and try new experiences. He often reminded us that being brave and tough doesn’t mean we won’t be afraid. It means we face and overcome our fears and leap into the unknown. There was nothing Bernie wouldn’t try (especially if saying no meant he’d feel like a wimp) which led him to the top of a Mayan temple in the Guatemalan jungle well above the tree-line, surfing rough waves at Carolina Beach and other exciting adventures (who could forget the backyard fireworks where there was always a risk of losing a finger or having the cops show up?)
He also loved being a lawyer though like many of us in the legal profession know, the law can be trying (and not just in the courtroom). He continued to work even this year and even as he was losing steam, he could still run circles around the opposition. He served his clients like they were his family, turning their issues over and over in his mind, trying to figure out the cleverest solution and often giving personal advice and friendship even if it meant he sacrificed legal fees. And clever he was. There was the time he defended someone who was protecting himself with a baseball bat but was accused of assault and told the judge it was just a “check swing.” He wore a NY Mets cap to conduct depositions of the New York Yankees management in another case. When reminded by the presiding judge about the need for decorum in court, he would say with the most respectful of tones: “Your honor, I will try my hardest not show my contempt for this Court.” Bernie loved to always keep us guessing. He didn’t mind being a wise guy but made sure we understood that intelligence and success is a responsibility and should never be used to take advantage of people or hurt anyone.
Bernie loved nature and believed we all could learn from the natural world around us. He would say that many of his best ideas came to him when he was working outside, planting, fixing, building or tinkering. His home, with its beautiful plants and landscaping, reflects his enjoyment of and respect for the natural world, all the result of Bernie’s hard work. He especially loved exotic plants. If he heard a plant was particularly rare or had complicated needs, that was the one he would grow. Not only did he love a challenge, it was like he felt a special bond – he too was rare and complex.
Bernie truly lived the poet’s words – he raged against the dying of the light. Towards the end, it seemed as if he really believed he could go forever, if only he thought about it and tried hard enough. Even those who helped care for him during these last weeks told us over and over that his will was remarkable, that in decades of caring for people at the end of life, they had never experienced someone with the strength and determination of Bernie. But we are all mortal.
We who remain here now are able to discover that Bernie’s light will never die – he will be with us burning forever in our hearts, minds and spirits. We hope we can carry his spirit forward with the honor and love he deserves. Let us all be at peace, and take it with us, always.

Jill Nussinow

June 9, 2009

Here's what I said about my father at his funeral:

My father Bernie was generally a man of few words, and often the ones that he shared were not meant for sensitive or, in his words, wimpy, ears.

As a young girl, my Dad had me engaging in activities such as climbing on the roof of the house at age 4, and letting me hang out with him at his friend’s Corvette garage. Together we went to dog shows which we both enjoyed. He also taught me how to play football but the first pass he threw me, hit me square in the face. Much more fun was when we went to watch the New York Jets games. He really wanted a boy but I was pleased to be one of few girls who knew and understood football.

He wanted me to become a lawyer and I got close to doing that but my heart sent me in another direction, as a dietitian. Years later, when he accepted my decision, he credited me with helping him eat better.

16 years ago, when his grandson, Shane, who he affectionately called “Sneaky” (maybe after his own tendencies) was 10 days old, Bernie had a stroke. In his purely determined and stubborn way, he drove himself to the hospital. I look at the last 16 years as a gift.

My Dad encouraged his girls to be strong, independent, and disciplined, and encouraged risk-taking as learning, not failure. He also taught me about “righteous indignation” and how to do it right.

He lived a long and good life. I will always remember what he often said which was to “hang in there.”

Manny Stein

June 7, 2009

I am deeply saddened by Bernies passing. He was my friend, attorney and customer. Manny Stein, formerly of Best Tire

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