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LILLIAN KOZAK Obituary
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Memories and Condolences
for LILLIAN KOZAK
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Marcia Pappas
November 7, 2021
After all these years, I still quote you. You were an amazing activist and advocate for women.
Rolande Hodel
November 8, 2019
The National Organization for Women lost a stead ward fighter for women's rights. On a personal note, I remember vividly when we crossed over to Canada during a conference in Buffalo - not realizing that at that time I did not have the legal papers to reenter into the US. We managed and laughed all the way. Lillian was fun to be with.
Carl Todd
November 7, 2019
Gone but not forgotten.
Marcia Pappas
November 7, 2019
Lilian was a warrior. She taught me so much, I cannot begin to say how much I respected and admired her. I still, to this day, quote her when I am lobbying for women and girls.
Carol Paull
March 6, 2010
My Dear Ellen,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Lillian was my dear friend. Small in stature, Lillian was a giant among women. She cared about all of us. Nothing was unimportant or inconsequential regarding women and their rights. In the past, Lillian shlepped to Albany, to Washington, to the streets to make her point and to modify, forever, some of the laws and events that governed our lives. Everyone was a sister to Lillian. She maintained vigorously and passionately the myriad pieces of information that served as her storehouse of knowledge for the many. She took it upon herself and those seemingly narrow shoulders to gather and contribute to the files that always seemed to have a direction or a solution for the woman in need. I feel honored to have known her... and blessed to have called her my friend.
My thoughts are with you. It may be a natural order when a parent passes on, but it seems to alter forever the view we have of ourselves. Right now, your mother's last weeks and months are vivid in your memory. These images will fade with time, however, and the sweet moments of a lifetime will replace them and give you peace.
Although I'm not a religious person, I am spiritual. It seems to me that there's genuinely more than the little we can see. I find that comforting. So, each morning one of the messages I send into the universe is filled with gratitude, love, and peace for my dear ones who are gone. Just know, for whatever it means to you, that your mother and brother are included.
In these last months, you stood up for your mother when she was too tired to fight another battle. You made sure she was noticed and considered and cared for. You were her trusted and loving advocate when she needed you most. You stopped your life and dedicated yourself to her life. In the jewish religion, the greatest mitzvah is devotion and contribution to the sick. You deserve all that you want for yourself. May life treat you gently. You are loved.
Joan Byalin
March 2, 2010
Family and Friends of Lillian Kozak,
I am sorry I will be unable to attend the memorial for Lillian on March 6th as I will still be in San Francisco on that day.
Through the years Lillian grew from a determined lobbyist into a good friend. I could always count on her for help and counsel on the variety of bills of interest to women that Assemblywoman Weinstein put foward or attempted to block. It was my pleasure to know and work with Lillian. The women of New York owe her a debt.
Rolande Hodel
February 19, 2010
Dear Ellen,
When I met your mother, I did not know anything about “Family Court” or “mandatory arbitration”. But I learned and also met Monica Gets. Who would have known that years later I looked to Monica’s organization for help – and yes, they helped very much.
Lillian left an imprint – literally and figuratively. My favorite memory is this wild trip we took across the US Canada border squeezed into Marcia’s car she was sitting on my lap all this time.
Small as she was she knew how to use her weight to move things. The world is richer because she was with us.
Rolande Hodel,
President, Founder
AIDSfreeAFRICA
Jacqui Ceballos
February 10, 2010
Veteran Feminists of America mourns the passing of a great feminist. We honored her in 1994 with the late Betty Berry and others for her work in the field of domestic relations. She was an inspiration to many and will be deeply missed.
Harriet Cohen
February 10, 2010
Lillian was a national treasure. There was only one Lillian. She was a purest. She was relentless for the cause of women and children. She could see beyond the easy answers into the crux of an issue like nobody else I have ever met. She was like an incisor. She was brilliant.
Here and there, there are people who are irreplaceable. My husband, Dr. Arthur Feinberg, was one of those people. Lillian Kozak was one of those people. Nobody has been able to fill her role. And, in fact, things have changed for the worse, because she was unable to continue her vigilance in recent years.
Lillian fiercely loved her two children. She was like a mother lion.
When you had Lillian in your corner, you didn’t need anyone else.
Lillian never wavered from the cause of improving the lives of women and children.
There was no trip too far or too difficult for Lillian to make for the cause of women and children. Even when she had trouble walking (as she smoked her cigarettes), she got there.
And if she didn’t get there, the meeting, the program, wasn’t the same.
Nobody let down their guard or got seduced by facile, glib arguments when Lillian was present. Nobody got confused about the agenda when Lillian was there.
Lillian was truly wonderful. All of us who were fortunate enough to be close with Lillian are much better people because of what she imparted into us.
I feel as though so long as I have Lillian’s voice in my head, I’ll be able to recognize the right course on the issues she held dear.
I will miss Lillian Kozak terribly.
My most heartfelt condolences to the family.
Harriet Newman Cohen, Esq.
Cohen Hennessey Bienstock & Rabin P.C.
Gloria Jacobs
February 10, 2010
Ellen, I was so sorry to learn of your mother's death. I have known Lillian since 1979 when she chaired the Domestic Relations Law Task Force for NOW. I was a relatively new lawyer and I learned so much from her. She could read legislation and look beyond the language to determine how a bill would affect women in the real world. Nobody else could do that the way Lillian could. She was a tireless fighter for women's rights for almost forty years. Her death is a serious loss to all the women in the state. Gloria
Marianne Takas
February 10, 2010
Dear Ellen,
I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's death. She was a wonderful person -- intelligent, passionate, lively and fun. I will always remember her generosity to me. I called her while researching legal issues for a magazine article, and she could have just answered my questions and moved on. Instead, she freely shared her considerable knowledge, and more or less took me under her wing. We went together to a conference (filled with high-powered, accomplished women) and somehow she made me feel comfortable and welcome instead of intimidated. Later, of course, she introduced me to you, sharing her sweet daughter. She truly was a special person.
My own mom died a few years ago, and I felt so sad. My heart aches for you, knowing how hard it must be for you now. The sadness will pass, of course, and the memories will bring comfort, then bittersweet smiles, and then just smiles. I hope that now, while it's still hard, it is at least a comfort to know that your mom made such a contribution, and was so loved by so many.
Best always,
Marianne
The Public Forum, Albany Law School, April 20, 2005, panel on no-fault divorce,
February 10, 2010
Charlotte Lichterman
January 25, 2010
Years ago, when I was living in New York, I was assigned the task of writing a booklet for the New York State League of Women Voters on Women and the Law in New York State. Lillian was SO helpful to me; I could not have done it without her. I never got close enough to count her as a friend, but I had tremendous admiration and respect for her seemingly boundless knowledge.I know that Lillian's spirit will live on in the hearts of those of us who knew and worked with her.
Karen Winner
December 18, 2009
Lillian Kozak is one of the great unsung heroines of our time regarding women's rights. In New York, her efforts to create a financially equal playing field between men and women in divorce were unmatched by any other women's rights activist. In 1992, when I was researching a report I wrote for the New York City Department of Consumer Affairs, on the financial abuse of women by divorce lawyers,Lillian Kozak provided invaluable information, as she did, for my book, Divorced From Justice, published by ReganBooks/Harper Collins in 1996. For example, Lillian -- who was a forensic accountant -- taught that all too often child custody battles are not about children at all but another underlying issue -- money -- child support. If you want to know what's going on, she said, "Follow the money."
I was lucky to have known Lillian, to learn from her, and to be her friend. I miss her.
Jane Lombardo
December 6, 2009
Sincere condolences to Ellen and Scott on Lillian's loss. I came to know her through her son, Jeffrey, and have held her in the very highest regard. Family came first for her, but her work on behalf of women was a passion she never relinquished, even in retirement. I spent many hours talking with her listening to her stories over a cup of tea. There are many wonderful memories I shall hold forever.
Marcia Pappas
December 1, 2009
I truly wonder what words I can use to express my gratitude to Lillian Kozak.
She was one of a kind. She gave her all to the cause of women's rights. I am forever grateful to Lillian for teaching me so much about child custody and divorce issues. Those are the issues that don't make the news so often, but those are the issues that truly affect women's lives everyday. One line that I always use to this day is one that Lillian taught me. Whenever I would try to understand the motives of people (usually abusive husbands/fathers) Lillian would use these words. She would say "Marcia, remember the bottom line is green." How true that statement is. I have repeated this phrase hundreds of times since Lillian first stated it to me because it puts everything into perspective. I will miss Lillian. She was a treasure.
From Marcia Pappas, President, NOW NYS
Mo Hannah
November 18, 2009
I met Lillian just a couple of times, but her work made her a legend in her own time. On behalf of battered mothers in NYS and across the country, I offer my sincere appreciation to this very brave soul. Thank you for all you've done for women on this planet!
RB
November 18, 2009
We all benefit from the efforts and successes of Lillian Kozak.
Rachelle Suissa
November 18, 2009
I remember sitting at NOW NYS Council Meetings with Lillian Kozak, and listening to her get into deep discussion about marriage and divorce law in New York State. It was something that she was passionate about, and that she will be remember for greatly.
Judith Ebert
November 18, 2009
It was a privilege to have had conversations with Lillian through our connection with NOW. She was a caring and dedicated feminist.
Diane Daniels
November 18, 2009
I knwo this is a loss to her family as she was a true role model. Her efforts were tireless in her support for the equality of women. I had the opportunity to meet her during my involvment in NOW, she had a lasting effect on so many.
Sherry Rogers BQ-NOW
November 18, 2009
The Brooklyn-Queens Chapter of the National Organization for Women extends sisterly condolences to the family of this tireless warrior.
Lillian was admired by all for her understanding of the importance of fairness in marital law. She taught us all to look carefully at proposed legislation and to work hard for women's rights. She and Gloria Phillips led the NOW-NYS Marriage and Divorce Task Force for many years.
Legislators around the state knew Lillian and sought her input when drafting legislation.
We in Brooklyn and Queens will miss her very much.
Naomi K.
November 17, 2009
My most sincere condolences to Ellen and Scott, and to the people who care about Lillian. I feel lucky to have known Lillian and share special moments of my life with her. She will always be remembered.
Ann Middleman
November 17, 2009
I met Lillian in the mid-70s when Nassau NOW was a vibrant and activist organization. A major part of that vibrancy and activism was Lillian. She was a fearless advocate for women and helped found the Nassau NOW Divorce Information Service. As the person who staffed the Nassau NOW phone line in those days, I can attest to the finding mentioned in her obit--most calls were about divorce and custody issues. Lillian changed the lives of many women, and that is her legacy--a very proud one.
November 15, 2009
My condolences to the family. I worked with Lillian at the Nassau County Attorneys Office
Robert Boyhan
Hobe Sound, Florida
Carl Todd
November 14, 2009
My condolences to Lilian's family on their loss of such a special person.
I worked with Lilian when she was with the Nassau County Atty's. Office and I was their contract review appraiser. I developed a great respect for her professionalism and personal social views that she was actively advocating.
She was a unique person to know and was a pleasure to work with. To know her was never to forget her.
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