Robert Hayden

1947 - 2025

Robert (Bobby) Hayden, a longtime resident of Bloomington-Normal, was promoted to his eternal reward for a life well lived on November 8, 2025, in Port Orchard, Washington, following a long illness. He died in the arms of his wife and love of his life, Paula Griffith Hayden. Bob is remembered by his many friends as a man of decency, gentleness, wisdom, compassion, and empathy for everyone he met.

Bob was born on September 28, 1947, to Robert L. and Gertrude Hayden. A native of Chicago, Bob moved to the Illinois Soldiers' and Sailors' Children's School in Normal at the age of nine. He attended University High School, where he was a star athlete in football, basketball, baseball, and track and field. At U High, Bob was loved by his teachers and fellow students. He was admired by everyone for knowing everyone's name from all four classes. His friends all recall that, to Bob, everyone was his friend. He smiled and greeted everyone by name when they passed him in the halls. The love and admiration his peers felt for Bobby was reflected in his being elected Homecoming King in 1965.

At U High, Bob met the love of his life, Paula Griffith. They fell in love the autumn following graduation. But being chosen Homecoming King in a nearly all-white high school did not change the prevailing hypocrisy of cultural bias in the 1960s, even in Bloomington-Normal. Bobby and Paula's love was forced to endure being apart for nearly 50 years before they could be together. Their relationship finally came to fruition in 2016 when Bob moved to Washington State to join Paula where they had nearly ten wonderful years together. Their lovely wedding on the beach at Pacific City, Oregon, included several old U High friends who wept tears of joy to finally see Bob and Paula together.

Bob was an amazing person with many diverse gifts and interests. He loved all kinds of music, fishing, gardening, wrote poetry, enjoyed crossword puzzles, studying Shakespeare, and playing softball for many years. But most of all, Bobby just loved people. All people. Everyone who was lucky enough to know him will always remember Bob as a consistent living epitome of kindness, unconditional acceptance, thoughtfulness, and decency. Many of his friends are thankful that Bob's friendship helped them to be better people.

After high school, Bob attended Illinois State University. He served in the U.S. Air Force during the Vietnam era before returning home to Bloomington. For 22 years, Bob loved working at The Chateau Hotel. But his real work was in recovering from the alcoholism that so many military veterans brought home with them. With the help of AA, Bob was rightfully proud that he lived clean and sober since his early 30s. He was always thankful for AA and believed his involvement with that group literally save his life. Through the years, he paid it forward by working hard through AA and NA to help make a life-changing difference for many other people. He also gave his time and energy to other organizations such as Chestnut Health to help others who struggled with addiction. And he worked with the Marc Center to help people with disabilities.

The long years between high school and 2016 were unspeakably painful for both Bob and Paula and exacted a huge emotional toll on both of them. But, throughout those decades, Bob deeply loved his families and his children. Bob is survived by his wife, Paula, his sister Deirdre Hayden, half-siblings Michelle Dickey and Winman Dickey, his children Emily Wierzac and Malachi West-Hayden, his aunts Bessie Edmonds and Rosetta Blunts, four grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and many cousins, nieces, and nephews.

Paula and Bob's family wish to express their deep gratitude to the folks at the VA facility where Bob spent his last few months. The staff and residents there became family, and their love and caregiving were a huge gift to Bob and Paula.

No public services are planned. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in Bob's honor to your local food bank, animal shelter, or drug/alcohol treatment program. Bob's beloved Paula says, "The best way to honor Bob would be to commit an act of kindness, an act of decency, for someone. Bob treated everyone with respect and would like us all to treat others-all others--with dignity and love." Please feel free to use Bob's page at CaringBridge.com to share your stories, memories, and feelings about Bobby and to leave messages of support, love, and encouragement for Paula. Just go to the CaringBridge.com website, create a free account, and then search for the Robert Hayden page.