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Barbara Walcott Penney

Barbara Penney Obituary

PENNEY, BARBARA WALCOTT (Southwell, Curtis, Cooper) DEC. 4, 1919 to NOV. 24, 2004 Born in Attleboro, Mass., Barbara was as Yankee as a person who spent 60 years of her life in Southern Calif. could be. (And when she'd had one or two Gibson's, you could hear just how Yankee that was.) Her life growing up in New England during a different generation seemed exotic to her son and her granddaughters as she spun tales of sledding in winter, summers at Neponset Lake, and sorority life at the Univ. of Rhode Island. She brought us up in a tradition of May Day baskets April Fools' plots and "Trick or Treat"-Massachusetts style. Upon college graduation she used her degree in Home Economics to enlist in the Army Medical Corps and was assigned as a dietician at South County Hospital in Wakefield, Rhode Island. In June, 1944, she was sitting in a train waiting to leave on a visit to Attleboro when a young Naval Ensign asked if the seat next to her was taken. She made up a "friend who would be coming shortly", but after the train departed the fighter pilot was back with his request. Barbara was always a sucker for a uniform and the great adventure of her adult life was begun. She married Ensign Bill Southwell of Ocean Beach in August. Shortly after the War, she had moved with Bill and their infant son to San Diego. She attained her teaching certificate in elementary education. He joined the San Diego Police Dept. Her post-war life was full of beach parties, a teaching career and raising her only child far from her family and childhood friends. In 1951, they settled into a new home in Sunset Cliffs. Through the years, the neighborhood friendships developed into the advent of the "Piedmont Drive Clam Chowder and Marching Society". This group, unlike its New England model, thrived on patio barbecues that lasted all night and holiday parties that made it difficult to get the gifts under the tree by Christmas morn. Life seemed pretty settled by 1965. She was a veteran reading specialist for City Schools. Social life featured highly adventurous trips to Catalina on the 26' "BarBilDan" ( from which she caught a 27 lb. yellowtail) and later, weekends at the cabin on Palomar Mountain. All this changed when Bill suffered a heart attack and died. Barbara threw herself into many activities: earning her M.A. at the old Cal Western, joining Bayview Unit for Children's Hospital, serving as Secretary for Sigma Kappa Sorority Alumni Assoc. and taking several trips to Europe. After several single years, she was swept off her feet by another military man: Retired Major General Raymond W. Curtis. They were married in January, 1971 and an entire new adventure began. She moved only a few blocks to Ray's house and retired from teaching because she now had both her own grandchildren and "Pop's" to spoil (her name mostly changed from "Mom" to "Gram"). Her travel horizons expanded even further and she added the retired military community to which Ray belonged to her long list of friends. She added Freedom's Foundation to her list of volunteer activities. Her life took another significant turn when Ray passed away in 1981. For a decade she was single again, but her life was still filled with grandchildren, volunteer work, and travel. As always, she was strongly supported by the PDCCMC and she had her strong friendships in the retired military community as signified by her service to the Military Order of World Wars. She was happiest when she had children in her house so she could serve them 3 or 4-course breakfasts on TV trays until noon. Still, for her, life was better shared. After an extended period of dinner theater dates and Charger games, she wed retired Rear Admiral Clifford Steele Cooper in 1990. She moved to La Mesa and extended her capacity for friendship to a whole new community. She loved Cliff's semi-private evening piano recitals, his birthday luaus and his memories of his naval commands (she was back with another naval aviator). Best of all, she now had not only grandchildren, but great grandchildren to spoil. After several years of a wonderful new life, both her health and Cliffs began to fade. He passed away in 1997. After attending to details, she moved to St. Paul's Villa in downtown San Diego. She continued to participate as much as she could in her various volunteer commitments. She became a strong supporter of the Midway Museum project. She saw her friends as much as her limited mobility permitted. Barbara continued to play a strong role in family plans and events, but her health continued to decline. After several recent hospitalizations, she finally gave up the struggle early in the morning on Nov. 24th. Her immediate family was with her and she was supported by the wonderful staff at Mercy Hospital Emergency Room. She is survived by her sister Alice Robinson of Attleboro, MA; her son, Bill Southwell, and his wife, Sue; and her granddaughters: Cory Baker and Kelly Southwell. A celebration of her life will be held at All Souls' Episcopal Church, 1475 Catalina Blvd. in Point Loma at 11:30 on Wed., Dec. 1st. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Children's Hospital, MC5005, 3020 Children's Way, SD, CA 92123-4282 Please sign the guest book at obituaries.uniontrib.com

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by San Diego Union-Tribune on Nov. 28, 2004.

Memories and Condolences
for Barbara Penney

19 Entries

Ralph R. Damiano

January 20, 2005

We miss you, Bar. Here is Chapter one of your story. Maybe someone else has other disks. You sent this to my wife, Milly. I think it belongs here.

The Heart of a Yankee

By

Barbara Penney

Neponset Good Times

Our summers were all fun. We looked forward to the day we moved over to camp. The car was loaded with all our gear and groceries. My Mother had made previous trips getting ready for when we all arrived for summer vacation.

The cottage was on Neponset Lake in Foxboro, Massachusetts. My Dad had owned the cottage before he was married. I’ve been told it was a favorite spot of my Grandmother Arnold when she was ill with cancer. She later passed away and my Mom and Dad were married soon after.

The cottage was special to all of us. It was at the top of a small hill overlooking the lake.

It wasn’t too large, but with extra cots it accommodated quite a few. Across the front was a long screened-in porch. The living room stretched that length and then there was a dining room and kitchen, upstairs were two bedrooms.

It’s hard to believe now, but there was no electricity or bathroom. We used kerosene lamps for lights, a 3-burner kerosene stove for cooking.

With no indoor bathroom, can you picture what was called a privvy? It was a bit away from the back of the cottage and not at all convenient on a dark night. That’s when one had to use what was called a chamber pot. Some were pretty fancy-china with flowers painted on them. This was all accepted as being part of “over to camp”. It was a happy day when electricity came in--and then a toilet! Kerosene lamps were very dirty. The glass chimneys had to be washed often or you had a very dim light.

Our days were very busy down at the lake. We had a rowboat and we spent a lot of time rowing around. There was one area that had blueberry bushes high enough to stand up in the boat and pick. We each had a pail (I think peanut butter came in a pail) hanging around our necks and I can hear the, “plunk, plunk”, as they dropped in. We were quite competitive as to who picked the most. Knowing my Mom would make blueberry pies and pancakes was the necessary incentive.

A favorite spot on the lakeshore was known simply as the dam. We’d row over there and the stone walls around the dam made an ideal spot from which to jump. My sister and brother were braver than I and dove more often. We were careful not to spend too much time there if some of the “Town Boys” arrived. They didn’t live at the lake and were older and kind of rough, diving in around the dam.

My Dad was painting the outside with dark green paint. It was before we’d moved over for the summer. His paint and brushes were left in the cabin when we went home after the weekend. The next time we came back the interior of one living room was all messed up with green paint. Someone had broken in and amused themselves by painting the natural wood interior green!

When the police investigated, there was obvious evidence. Two young blond boys were the guilty ones. They had to confess because they had dark green paint in their hair and under their nails. Punishment? -- Come to the cottage and attempt to clean off the paint. They weren’t too successful.

The upstairs had two bedrooms. One was my parents’ room and we had great fun grasping the open beams and dropping down onto the bed. That game didn’t last long before a voice from downstairs put a stop to it.

The upstairs also served as a changing room after swimming if we had friends visiting. I always insisted my sister show off her scar from her near fatal acute appendicitis. It wasn’t very nice of me, but possibly I was envious of her outstanding, “badge of courage”.

We often had a friend come for a week’s stay. We three were allowed one friend each and at different times. Sleeping out on the porch was a novelty to our friends. We had to acquaint them with the night sounds. On a clear night, an occasional yell came from the State Insane Asylum at one end of the lake. We were used to these sounds, but it took a bit of talking our friends into trusting that no inmate ever escaped-so they were safe. Sometimes Mom would have to come out on the porch to reassure a friend. Lots of talking . . . then we settled down.

Fourth of July was really special. One year was extra special. Another family was staying with us. We called them Uncle Walter and Aunt Mabel, but they were just good friends of my parents. They had a daughter, Dorothy, and a little boy, Donnie. The two dads loaded us kids into the car and we took off to buy fireworks. We went to a nearby town to a fireworks stand. Our two dads bought the man out. I can still see that man pulling down the cover to close the stand. We were excitedly impressed. Once we were home the dads pounded the pin wheels to a board to they would spin. A chute was constructed so the skyrockets could swoosh toward the stars. Waiting for dark was an eternity, but we were rewarded with a spectacular display. We just loved the sparklers . . . what a wonderful celebration.

Uncle Walter and Aunt Mabel had a summer home on a nearby lake, Lake Mirimichi. Much kidding went on back and forth over which was superior: Lake Neponset or Mirimichi.

A special memory of Mirimichi was going out on the lake and picking beautiful white water lillies. They had delicate yellow centers that quivered. You reached down deep to pick them, then took them back to float in a bowl. They were beautiful-just like a Monet painting.

Lake Mirimichi had another feature we all loved-their grandmother. We knew her as Grandmother McAlpine. That patient, darling lady taught me to knit.

Down at the lake, our next door neighbor had a small dock. We were permitted to use it and often did. The water was shallow around it. One Spring day, my Mom was going over to the cottage to clean and get it ready for Summer. She was taking along a lady to help and I got to go. My sister and brother were in school, but I was too young. For amusement, I went down to the lake to catch “lucky bugs”. A lucky bug was a small black bug that skimmed along the surface of the water. They were fast and a bit of a challenge to catch. I was equipped with a small pan with a handle. I lay down on the dock and was reaching out hoping to scoop up a bug.

Oops! I reached too far and . . . splash! I’d fallen in. I went up to the cottage, dripping, and spent the rest of the day rolled in a blanket, my clothes out in the sun. You see, there was not such thing as a clothes dryer.

My mom made my sister and me bandana tops to wear with shorts. That long ago they were very daring. They were just a triangle of fabric that tied around the neck and in the back. We only wore them during the day. My dad would not approve of such immodesty, so Mom would alert us when he was arriving. We’d quickly change. Even today, I don’t feel it was deceitful-just a mother trying to please her girls.

Rainy days were fun. My Mom played cards with us. Our usual game was 4-handed solitaire. We played on each others’ aces out in the middle. Fun-Until you had to divide the four decks at the end.

One particular thunder and lightning storm could have been serious. To keep the bedding dry out on the porch, my Mom went out to roll the mattresses up out of the way of the rain. These cots were iron and metal springs. As Mom worked, a streak of lightning came close enough to make my Mom’s hands tingle. When she came in, she was slightly stunned but thankful it wasn’t worse.

In the winter the lake would freeze over so we could skate. We’d go over for a day. Fishing through the ice was real thrill. A hole was chopped through the ice and then an intricate wooden trap was attached to the edge of the hole. A little red flag was at the top of this contraption. My Dad set them up and baited them. Then we waited for a bite. The red flag would go up with a “click”. Sometimes some luck.

I’ve told you we had a rowboat. It was pretty old and had many coats of paint. It was dark green same as the cottage. It was considered Alice’s until Dad got a little putt-putt 7-horse engine. Then my brother Pete took it over.

To start the engine you wound a cord around on the top. If you spun it and it unwound it would start and off we’d go-not fast, but better than rowing. Sometimes it just seemed it would never kick on. One weekend was quite eventful. My brother was going to take Dad for a ride. Pete was trying to get the engine started. When he spun that rope, it caught my Dad’s pipe (he was smoking it). The pipe went overboard. Oh, woe! You see, that many years ago the state of Massachusetts operated under what was called the “Blue Laws” and nothing was open on Sunday. My Dad had to be without a pipe the whole time until he went to work Monday. He wasn’t very happy.

In the living room hung a set of moose antlers-- just the antlers, no head. My Uncle Fred brought them from Canada. They were quite the conversation piece. Going upstairs hung a large picture. It was the kind they used to sell in furniture stores. I remember it was in blue tones for the background. There were like Grecian columns and beautiful girls with filmy costumes. I used to pose and pretend I was like them. Today, I remember my Dad liked that picture (not my Mom particularly). Possibly she thought it was too large . . . or just not too tasteful. I’ll never know.

The furnishings were oak and today would be very valuable. Neither Alice nor I can remember when the place was sold or what became of what would be antiques today.

Before closing this memory of my early life, I must say my Dad did everything for us. I remember he surprised me when he bought a used canoe. We went to where they manufactured paddles to outfit it . . . what a great Dad.

Oooh-it’s cold. It’s December 4, 1919. It’s early morning and still pretty dark. My parents get in the car and head for Sturdy Memorial Hospital in Attleboro, MA. My Dad checks my Mom into the hospital and goes to his place of business at the “Attleboro Sun”, the local newspaper. When Dad checks by the hospital at lunchtime, I’ve already arrived.

Mom later told the story that she overheard my Dad tell friends that having a baby born in the hospital was the easy way to do it. When she heard that, she decided no more babies and there weren't. My sister and brother had been born at home. My sister, Alice, was only 3 and my brother Leonard Arnold Penney was just over 10 months.

It must have been difficult for my Mother to leave two babies at home to go to the hospital or . . . maybe she had a good rest. We had relatives who lived very close so they must have stepped in to help. My mother told us later that they hired a lady to help. My brother was afraid of her. They always figured it was because she had brown eyes. Our family all had blue eyes.

I have no idea why they named me Barbara. I know now that December 4th is Saint Barbara’s Day, but I don’t believe that influenced my parents. They were Congregationalists-so no saints’ days. My middle name, Walcott, is from my Mother’s family.

brad penney

December 4, 2004

I will never forget Aunt Barbara's telephone message just a short time ago when the Red Sox were in the World Series. It meant so much that she remembered my love of the Red Sox and shared her enthusiasm with us. Barbara had a special way of remembering things like my sons' birthdays and always keeping in touch with our lives despite the 3,000 miles between us. Aunt Barbara was the perfect combination of the sunny, optimistic, informal Californian who retained her New England traditions and made them part of her life in San Diego. The beautiful recollections of her childhood in "The Heart of a Yankee" was a wonderful tribute to her upbringing in New England, and enabled me to learn about what my father's life was like when he was a boy summering at Lake Neponset with Alice and Barbara. Those recollections are a cherished part of our family history. I am forever grateful to Barbara for teaching me about Pentecost Walcott and for all the family stories she shared during my San Diego visit in 1998 -- and for letting me use Admiral Cooper's convertible to get around San Diego! Our lunch at the Hotel Del Coronado on the last day of my trip is a memory I will never forget. Barbara was a beautiful person in every way and she is already greatly missed. Much love to Bill, Sue and our extended family on the "left coast." Brad Penney, Alexandria, Virginia

Jason Damiano

December 3, 2004

Barbara will be missed by all. She had that special quality that made everyone around her feel special. I will miss the lunch conversations about life, politics, and New England sports teams. No matter how hard I tried to pay for a lunch, she always had it worked out with the waiter in advance. What a special person!

paul kuhn

December 2, 2004

We will miss Barbara. She was such a wonderful person and so great to have in Grandad's life. Much love and support from the Kuhn's-Paul, Ginny, Mitchell and Jacob

Son Bill, Nephew, Nick Roberts & sister Kathleen (Roberts) Clayman. A visit with Barbara. San Diego 2004

December 2, 2004

1987 Southwell Visit to MD. Bar, Dana, Kelly, Cory, Beth Lourcy (Damiano) twin sons Jay&Joe.

December 2, 2004

Joanna Damiano

December 2, 2004

Auntie Barbara was a wonderful person. I never had the pleasure of meeting her because I could never make it to California. Even though she had never met me she never forgot me on the holidays. I looked forward to her gifts every year. I'll never forget her presents and her beautiful letters. She will be greatly missed. I may never have met her but I felt like I had.

(Milly Southwell's granddaughter)

Bill Damiano

December 2, 2004

Antie Bar was one of the most loving, caring and kind people I had ever met, sadly in later years we did not have the pleasure of seeing her face to face, but she never forgot us with a beautiful card or letter.....she will be missed.

Leanne Robinson (Kuhn)

November 29, 2004

Gram-Barb, as we all called her, was such a gift to our family. We feel so very lucky that she came into our lives through her marriage to my Grandfather Cooper. Not only did she make his last years such wonderful ones, but she also touched all of our lives as well. She had a special soft spot for my two year old (named Cooper Steele after my Grandfather) and always looked forward to receiving the latest photo or update. Gram-Barb will truly be missed by us all...we feel blessed to have had her in our lives. We send our condolences to Bill, Sue, Kelly, and Cory.

Milly (Southwell) Damiano

November 29, 2004

I will always remember “Bar”, as I called her, as a beautiful person who always enjoyed life and making it a more pleasant and fun place for everyone. I’ll miss the phone calls, cards and letters and she will be remembered in my prayers each night....Luv You! Milly (Southwell) Damiano

Howard Clyman

November 29, 2004

What a wonderful obituary tribute to a wonderful woman! The intelligence and wit of the words seem to be marked by the smithing of her loving son, and his facility and sincerity mark the love and wonder she gave him.

As the nephew-come-lately by marriage to her wonderful niece, Kathleen Roberts, I have been lucky to come to know Barbara and luckier still to introduce my daughters to her. We have all been inspired by her accomplishments, grace, charm and wit.

Living as we now do in the land of the rather mercenary baseball Yankees (Brooklyn, too, qualifies) we can say that it is Aunt Barbara who for us brought real honor to the term.

We send sincere condolences at her loss, but even greater congratulations at having been lucky enough to have known and loved her.

Jack and Colleen Drown

November 29, 2004

Grief is a short emotion, replaced forever by fond and loving memories.

Our thoughts and prayers are with your entire family.

Ame Rubel

November 28, 2004

I was deeply touched by the moving obituary and overwhemling outpouring of feeling in the guest book replies. It is a credit to Gram's full life and a reflection of all the love she so copiously gave and received. I too was one of Gram's "Adoptees," a granddaughter of sorts by marraige that was taken under her wing and, like so many others whose lives she's touched, made one of the family. She was an ever-present positive and loving force in my life, and I'll never forget the vivacity for life or inner strength she displayed to me. She will be sorely missed. My thoughts and prayers are with my family and her friends.

Jan and Dave Connell

November 28, 2004

Our love and prayers are with you all. What a remarkable woman...and what a remarkable life...one worth celebrating. We will be with you in friendship and love on Wednesday

Mary St. Peters

November 28, 2004

Barb was a wonderful mother,wife grandmother, mother-in-law and friend. I know that she will be missed by all those who came into contact with her. I will miss seeing her this coming summer. Love Mary and Kim

Kathy Weisfeld

November 28, 2004

Dear Bill and Sue,

Gary and I just got back from our weekend wedding in Orlando and were shocked and saddened to hear of Barbara's death. I didn't realize she'd been having problems of late.

She was a gracious and elegant lady with a very loving family and we really appreciated Bill's write-up of her life.

Gary and I are very sorry for your loss. Our condolences to you both and your family. Love, Kathy and Gary

Cliff & Lucinda Cooper

November 28, 2004

First, Barbara was Dad's good friend. Then she was a solid companion. Finally, she became the wife of a retired Rear Admiral who loved her dearly. She also became our best-ever step-mom and great grandmother to a bunch of little ones who loved her also. For what joy she gave our late father we are forever grateful. We are going to miss our "weather checks" of a Sunday by phone to San Diego, but most of all the sound of her cheery voice, ever upbeat.

Laura B. Cooper Kuhn

November 28, 2004

Our family joins in sadness but knows the wonderful memories of Barbara will bring some degree of comfort to her close family and friends.

From the courtship days of my Dad with Barb, until his death, this incredible lady brought love, strength and great humor to the last years of his full life. Extending this love and humor to my brother, myself and our families, 'GrandBarb' never forgot a birthday, holiday or special event in our lives. She seemed to relish pictures of the newest great-grandson named for Dad; Cooper Steele!

Whether 'adopted' or her own, she gave something of great value to each of us - something of herself! We will miss having her in our lives.

Laura Cooper Kuhn

Kate (Bush) Anderson

November 28, 2004

Aunt Barbara was a wonderful woman. She had a major impact on everyone's life she touched, no matter how close or far she lived from you. I will never forget the trip my mother and I took to visit her. She was an amazing woman, and will never be forgotten.

Kate

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