Search by Name

Search by Name

Phyllis Friedman Obituary

Phyllis Koshland Friedman

August 27,1923 - July 2, 2019

Asked what she wanted her obituary to say, Phyllis Koshland Friedman responded, "Say I've had a wonderful life." Indeed, she did. Mother, social worker, activist, and friend, her gentle influence infuses the life and character of this community in ways large and small, personal and public.

The third child of Daniel Edward Koshland, Sr. and Eleanor Haas Koshland, she spent nearly 96 years in the San Francisco Bay Area, exemplifying the values, humor and generosity of a large and illustrious family. She married Howard A. Friedman, architect and civil libertarian, in 1946, and her lifelong love affair with him lasted four decades while he was alive, and 31 years since.

She was loved by her three children, Robert, Eleanor and David Friedman, and their spouses, Kristina Kiehl, Jonathan Cohen, and Paulette Meyer. She inspired eight grandchildren: Alison Kiehl Friedman, Zoë Friedman-Cohen, Anne Kiehl Friedman, Alexa Friedman-Cohen, Max Meyer Friedman, Meryl Meyer Friedman, Kate Meyer, and Emma Friedman-Cohen; and three great grandchildren, Olivia Danger Friedman, Eli Friedman-Cohen Libby, and Noa Friedman-Cohen Libby. All survive and cherish her. She is also survived by her sister and brother-in-law, Frances Koshland Geballe and Theodore H. Geballe, as well as a multitude of loving cousins, relatives, family and friends. She was pre-deceased by her brother Daniel E. Koshland, Jr.

Phyllis received both her bachelor's and master's degrees from the University of California at Berkeley, and practiced social work, helping Russian emigres and single teenage mothers.

To meet her was to know her, and for her to know you — and your kids, significant others, dreams, cares and concerns. Comfortable with who she was, she was the best of friends, listening intently, inquiring incisively, empathizing, and just when you knew you could trust her absolutely, she would kid mischievously. She recognized the best in each person and made everyone better.

She read widely, thought deeply, and cared about the larger community and world. She was a feminist dedicated to social and economic justice, civil liberties, and a caring and humane society with equal opportunity for all.

She was the best of correspondents, sending thank you notes often before the gift was received, acknowledging accomplishments, encouraging new horizons with warmth, wisdom and humor, and commenting on public affairs, especially the cruelty of the current Administration.

She was the most generous of human beings, embracing causes and initiatives for the common good, always mindful of the people moving ideas forward. She never claimed credit for any of her good works and considered donor recognition walls to be "philanthropic graffiti."

Her modesty masked her strength. Stricken with polio in 1952, she learned to walk again, boldly fighting for social justice while performing simple acts of human kindness throughout her life. She was never doctrinaire, but intolerant of arrogance and insistent on respect for all people.

Phyllis lived the values of thoughtfulness, integrity, justice, kindness, empathy, love and humor. And then she modeled how to die: with courage, clarity and grace. Her spirit lives on in all whom she touched.

In lieu of flowers, contributions in her memory may be sent to the ACLU of Northern California, 39 Drumm Street, San Francisco, CA, 94111, or to the Jewish Home & Senior Living Foundation, 302 Silver Avenue, San Francisco, CA, 94112.

A gathering of friends and family will be held Saturday, July 6, 2019, from 1-6 p.m. at her home. A celebration of her life will be held at 11:00 a.m. on what would have been her 96th birthday, August 27, 2019, at Temple Emanu-El.

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by San Francisco Chronicle from Jul. 3 to Jul. 7, 2019.

Memories and Condolences
for Phyllis Friedman

Not sure what to say?





Anna Pehoushek and family of Vlasta Nosek Gufrey

May 2, 2023

I only just discovered the passing of Phyllis when I was thinking about the stories my aunt shared of her experiences with Phyllis living at Stern Hall at UC Berkeley. Their deep friendship continued until the end of their lives. I had the pleasure of spending time with Phyllis on a few occasions and appreciated her warmth, intelligence, sense of humor, and the way she valued her friendship with my aunt.

Grove of 100 Memorial Trees

Joseph Stein

Planted Trees

Sam Bahour

March 25, 2021

I wish I could have met her. May she R.I.P. and her memory be a light upon us all!

Candy Youngdoff

January 22, 2021

Dear family of Phyllis,
I was fortunate to meet Phyllis from working with Cheese Please In Burlingame. It’s January, 2021, and I just read a sweet note from Phyllis. I was prompted to ‘Google’ her and was sorry to see she has passed.
She was special to me, and in reading her obituary, I felt it was a beautiful description of the person I knew. Many times I would think of her and be inspired by how she lived her life.
I send my sincere condolences to all of you, Bob, Eleanor, and David, and your families. The world has lost a light that fought for the best causes. I think she’d be thrilled with the new administration :)

Candy Youngdoff
Sacramento CA

Jan Montgomery

July 14, 2019

Phil, I want to call you and talk about your death. It would have been so like us.

Your kids were amazing. Wish you could read the lovely obit they wrote.

Stay in touch❤

Jan Montgomery

July 14, 2019

Phil, I want to call you and talk about your death. It would have been so like us.

Your kids were amazing. Wish you could read the lovely obit they wrote.

Stay in touch

July 11, 2019

Phyllis Friedman - Truly the best! Most kind, gracious, loving, compassionate, wisest and funniest person I ever met. What an exemplary model of how to be, how to treat others, and how to live with intention. I'm so sorry for your loss, and so privileged to have known such a powerful and wonderful woman. love and blessings.
Kathleen

Boston, MA

Joan Laurence

July 9, 2019

Phyllis-
A kind, caring heart, a true friend and partner sharing similar concerns. A supportive ear and generous loving being. She touched a profoundly deep place within me that remains vibrantly alive.

Joan Steinberg Laurence
Director of One People One Heart

Norman Fassler-Katz

July 5, 2019

I've been in her presence only 4 times, yet it felt as if I had known her forever. I loved being in her company and sharing our lives. What an inspirational life for all of us to emulate. On the one hand I am sad not to have more of her, yet feel incredibly blessed to know her. I will treasure her memory for the rest of my days.

July 4, 2019

Though I hadn't seen Phyllis is many years, I will miss her smile and wisdom upon this earth. She taught by example and inspired me to do more...alway more. Much love to the family. - Nancy Parrish

Showing 1 - 10 of 10 results

Make a Donation
in Phyllis Friedman's name

Memorial Events
for Phyllis Friedman

Jul

6

Memorial Gathering

1:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m.

at her home

CA

Aug

27

Celebration of Life

11:00 a.m.

Temple Emanu-El

CA

How to support Phyllis's loved ones
Honor a beloved veteran with a special tribute of ‘Taps’ at the National WWI Memorial in Washington, D.C.

The nightly ceremony in Washington, D.C. will be dedicated in honor of your loved one on the day of your choosing.

Read more
Attending a Funeral: What to Know

You have funeral questions, we have answers.

Read more
Should I Send Sympathy Flowers?

What kind of arrangement is appropriate, where should you send it, and when should you send an alternative?

Read more
What Should I Write in a Sympathy Card?

We'll help you find the right words to comfort your family member or loved one during this difficult time.

Read more
Resources to help you cope with loss
Estate Settlement Guide

If you’re in charge of handling the affairs for a recently deceased loved one, this guide offers a helpful checklist.

Read more
How to Write an Obituary

Need help writing an obituary? Here's a step-by-step guide...

Read more
Obituaries, grief & privacy: Legacy’s news editor on NPR podcast

Legacy's Linnea Crowther discusses how families talk about causes of death in the obituaries they write.

Read more
The Five Stages of Grief

They're not a map to follow, but simply a description of what people commonly feel.

Read more
Ways to honor Phyllis Friedman's life and legacy
Obituary Examples

You may find these well-written obituary examples helpful as you write about your own family.

Read more
How to Write an Obituary

Need help writing an obituary? Here's a step-by-step guide...

Read more
Obituary Templates – Customizable Examples and Samples

These free blank templates make writing an obituary faster and easier.

Read more
How Do I Write a Eulogy?

Some basic help and starters when you have to write a tribute to someone you love.

Read more