Name: Visitation for Cameron E. BLANK
Start: 2016-11-11T23:00:00.000Z
End: 2016-11-12T03:00:00.000Z
Location: Ball & Dodd Funeral Home

BLANK, Cameron E.

Cameron E. Blank was born in 1987, in Spokane, WA. He passed away November 3rd at the age of 29, losing his battle with depression. He graduated from Mt. Spokane H.S. in 2005 and EWU in 2013, with a Bachelors in Anthropology. He worked for Ameca Insurance Company. He was gifted with a smile to warm your heart and a sense of humor. His beloved bird Cosmo was his safe place in this world. He was compassionate to all those around him. He enjoyed the thrill of skateboarding. He'll shine like a star in this life and the next, leaving his mark in this world in all the hearts he left behind. He's survived by his parents, Dale and Susan Blank; his sister, Jennifer; his girlfriend, Beth Saurey, who he loves beyond words; his Quaker Parrot Cosmo, his cat Rocky; grandmothers, uncles, aunts, cousins, and friends. A visitation for Cameron will be Friday the 11th from 3PM until 7PM at Ball and Dodd Funeral Home. A dedication of the grave will be held at 9AM, on Saturday the 12th, at Greenwood Memorial Terrace, followed by a memorial service at the Green Bluff LDS church, 5302 E. Green Bluff RD, Colbert, WA 99005.

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by Spokesman-Review on Nov. 9, 2016.

Memories and Condolences
for Cameron BLANK

185 Entries

Jen

December 7, 2017

I will continue to wear the monkey hat and your scarves as a way of keeping you close to me. And in case my previous message didn't go through I just want to thank you again for bringing Beth into our family. We love her and you so much. You gave me the sister I always wanted. See you on the other side.

Anne Simmons

December 5, 2017

Dear sweet Cam,
I haven't written on this guest book yet because it's so difficult to accept that you are gone from our lives and it hurts and makes me cry over how much you are missed. You have such a loving spirit and the joy you spread in your goofiness is unlike any other. You were such a super special friend to my kids and i miss having you around. I miss you a lot and I think I always will.
Love you and miss you.
Anne

Your Beth

December 5, 2017

Cameron, I still have a hard time realizing you are actually gone and never coming back. It hit me again today like it does now and then, and I have been crying by myself. My mind tries to tell me you're coming back most the time but sometimes the illusion breaks. I miss you so much. I love you with all my heart. I'm grateful for the illusion because if it weren't for that I don't know how I would survive. There's not a moment that goes by that I don't think about you. I went to get Christmas stuff and it really got to me. I wish I was shopping for you. Nobody else. You're my precious love of my life. I will never forget you for as long as I live. I hope you're waiting for me up in Heaven.

Jen

November 7, 2017

I found Orion last night all by myself. Or maybe you were there pointing it out to me. Either way, I found it. Love you.

Beth

November 5, 2017

These past couple nights that I've stayed in your room at your family's house you have visited me while I've slept. It's such a comfort to know you are still with me. I love you so much.

Susan Blank

November 4, 2017

Jen

October 23, 2017

If you were the one who set my alarm clock to go off at six thirty on a Sunday morning....

Jen

October 19, 2017

You left a star sticker in my hair yesterday. Today you left me in tears because of all the signs you put in my path. My jewelry box ballerina is broken and hasn't played her song in years. But this morning I was getting out my earings and it just started playing. Her song is, it's a small world. And it kept playing, slow and broken. But still it played. I heard three different Journey songs in three different places. I'm not ready to face that day. To be faced with the reality that I've lived a year without you. I feel weak and breathless and there's a knot in my stomach. Most days I'm just surviving. I don't want to touch the pain you left me with, it's way too deep for me. If I could just skip that day...

Jen

October 7, 2017

Georgie left this world in my arms. She left with a name, a home and a family who loves her. She never hesitated to trust me, even from that first moment. All the goodness I see in her sisters reminds me of her. You wanted her here on earth and now you hold her in Heaven. Give her a hug and kiss for me. I miss you both so much.

Beth

October 6, 2017

There are no words strong enough to explain how much I miss you. I always will. Life is incomplete and broken. I love you so so much. I hope you watch over me and still love me back. I love having dreams about you. I wonder if it's you sending them to me. If it is please send more.

Susan Blank

October 4, 2017

Cam, I love you so much it's Oct 3rd what a hard day thinking about what happened 11 months ago. I KNOW what I need to do to help me through this time read the scriptures so I can feel my heavenly father near helping me. I KNOW that you are okay and love being home again.where there is no earthly pain I am happy the pain is gone from you, I still miss you that will never go away!I'm trying to set up time to do your temple work I am looking forward in doing your work that is about the only good thing I am looking forward to do and I know it will make you happy to have it done,love you Cam Love Mom

Jen

September 22, 2017

Give Cassy a hug and kiss for me.

Jen

September 21, 2017

You left me a trail of feathers at the end of my work day. I found five between the bus and the office. Each one a little bigger than the last and they were so soft and so white. I love you so much. I miss you, brother. But you're never far, are you?

Jen

September 20, 2017

I just saw a shooting star.

Jen

September 20, 2017

I was listening to Africa on the bus while we were waiting for the kids to get out of school. And as the song was ending a little white feather just floated by. And a couple days ago I was looking for a backpack at the thrift store. In one of the backpacks I found a dime and two pennies. I remember thinking you gave me one penny too many. But as I left work I found another dime. You knew what you were doing.

Kylee Robbins

September 14, 2017

I love seeing all the memories of you, that Beth posts on facebook. When I look at the memories she posts, it feels like I know you. The stories I've heard about you, makes me laugh, and smile. You were the greatest thing to ever happen to Beth. And seeing the videos she posted of you, were awesome, and funny.

Jen

September 13, 2017

You gave me a pile of coins today. Two sets of a penny and a dime, 2/11, and three quarters. At first the quarters didn't make sense but then I added everything up. You gave me 97 cents and when I added the nine and the seven I got sixteen. You passed away in 2016. I always look for a connection to you in those coins. And I always find something. Whether it be the year, the number of coins... I want to find a significant number that means something to us.

Jen

September 12, 2017

I had a hard night last night and I think you knew that. So you gave me lots of signs today. You gave me a dime from 1988 (last week you gave me a penny from 2015 and a dime from 1986). And all the Journey songs, my iPod randomly played four. Send Her My Love, Faithfully, Open Arms and Seperate Ways. Plus three feathers. It hurts so much to hear people talk about their brothers, because I miss mine so much.

JEN

September 3, 2017

Oh and before I forget, when I found that feather today the song on the radio was about finding your peace.

JEN

September 3, 2017

You gave me the best sign so far. No one else would think to leave a feather on my car. And I almost missed it. I got in my car and I got the sudden urge to check in my trunk to make sure the cat toys I had for the shelter were still there. Even though I knew they were there I still went to check. I went to the back of my car and just froze. I had always hoped you'd put a feather on my car, but I didn't think you actually would. I started crying because no one was home and I had just backed it out of the garage. There was no other explanation. It was you. I miss you so much. Keep the signs coming, I need them everyday. Even if they make me cry they're worth it because those signs fill my grieving heart.

Saskia Hahn

August 25, 2017

I just remembered the Post Beth shared on her page about writing some stories in Camerons book.
I didnt know Cameron well enough to say I really knew him, but I do know Beth. We first met at my Exchange and I remember that I never met someone who was so Kind, friendly, loving and adoring. I was amazed by her and her whole personality. Although we didnt hang out a lot that year alone, Beth planned a surprise Party for me when I left and since then, I never ever got a sweeter surprise. So when I decided that I was going to come to my host sisters wedding, I asked Beth if I could come visit them and she invited me to stay with her an Cameron.
Most People dont know that, but I am actually really shy and I do not know a lot of times what to say and how to Keep an Conversation going. When I stepped in their Apartment, I felt a warm and welcoming Feeling. It was such a beautiful place and I knew in that Moment that it was filled with a lot of love and laughter. I felt at home, although I didnt live there. Beth introduced me to Cameron and he hugged me and he smiled and all the pressure and scary thoughts about if we would get along after all that time just vanished. They made my last three days there the best I could ever imagine. Cameron took us to the Bird Store and he introduced me to the birds, which was so awesome and made my entire day. He showed us how to interact with them and just made everyone smile. We stayed up late and watched movies and cooked and I never once felt not welcomed or loved. We took Pictures in the Mall in those Little things, I dont know their Name and I have them hung up on my wall, because they remind me daily how lucky I was to get to meet him.
The day that I left, Cameron and Beth asked me if I got home safely and we wrote Messages on Facebook.He send me Pictures of the Little cat they adopted and of Cosmo and Rocky.
I am pretty sure that I found a great friend in Cameron since I never met someone besides Beth who cared so much about others and me.
I know that I probably dont know what I have missed if I didnt get to meet Cameron, but I dont want to think about that.
Those too lit my heart and everyday I think of them with deep love and compession although I didnt know him.
But I am glad that I got to spend those days with him, and get to know one of the most passionate, funny, Kind and awesome People in the world. I am sure I would have known that I have missed something if I didnt.
I hope that your Family finds everyday reminders of how much you loved them and with all the Posts I see, you are doing that.
I am thankfull that I got to meet you and I will miss you.

JEN

August 19, 2017

Yesterday I found a feather in the dark. The light from my flashlight found it before I could step on it.

JEN

August 16, 2017

That didn't take long. Mom and I went to get some ice cream and there were the pennies. Nine of them scattered on the ground. I found a 1987 penny and a 2016 penny in the mix. So we know the pennies were from you.

JEN

August 15, 2017

Yesterday as I went to buy a pair of shoes I noticed a black and blue feather just sitting on the counter. Then when I went home and parked in the garage I found a 2016 penny just sitting in front of my car. I never expected to miss you so much. But it's moments like these that make me see that you are always there. The signs are everywhere and the ones from you are so sweet and so precious. Keep surprising me, just when I think I've seen the best sign ever, you top it. So until the next sign...
I love you.

JEN

August 13, 2017

I saw a shooting star tonight. I just looked up and there it was.

JEN

August 9, 2017

The star on your door was blinking at me last night and those things don't blink. It was the tiny one on your door. I could physically feel you standing right next to me.

Your Bethy

August 9, 2017

I miss you I miss you. Every moment of every day. I've been playing World of Warcraft and it's not the same without you. I've been trying to get all the mounts I remember you having. Also have been listening to chill-step like you used to do when you played. I can't help but daydream about what we would be doing today. I think that every day. If you were home what would we be doing today, or when I got home from work what would we do together. I wish I could come home to you. But I have our baby Rocky. Sometimes I miss Cosmo even. I've been missing him a lot. I miss our life together. It still feels like I'm in a dream or an alternate reality and I'll someday wake up and it will be back to the way it was. I love you my dear sweetheart.

JEN

August 7, 2017

It's Georgie's birthday too. Give her a kiss for me. Miss you both.

JEN

July 31, 2017

I'm beginning to think you enjoy seeing what you can get me to do for a sign from you. Because I found another penny today, in the exact spot where I found the eleven from the other day. Now I walked by that spot four times in the last two days and there was no penny anywhere around. So what did I find this morning, while I was sitting in my car? A penny, shining in the bright morning sun. And I again ran out my car, for one penny this time. You're playing with me bro. Love you lots. Always.

JEN

July 31, 2017

Thank you for giving me five different feathers on my walk today.

Beth

July 29, 2017

You comforted me last night when I was crying and crying. It felt like you had your arms around me and were telling me it's ok. I wish you were here every single day. Life is just not good enough without you.

JEN

July 28, 2017

You showered me with pennies today. Eleven pennies to be exact. I went to feed my ferals this morning and as I was sitting at the stop sign I saw pennies, scattered on the street next to my car. All I could think was, I need to pick up those pennies and darn it, I drove today. So I made sure no one was behind me, put the car in park and made fast work of picking up every penny. And when I counted eleven pennies there was no doubt they were from you. Eleven has popped up four times since you've been gone. Mostly with a dime and penny. And since you were born on the 11th, that's come to mean something me. And on Hailey's birthday, that just made it extra sweet. Love you always.

JEN

June 14, 2017

I started the last day of school with a feather from you. The birds were all around me today, one robin was even sitting on the fence when I came home. And after we dropped off that final kid what do you think I saw sitting in the field? A group of turkeys. This has been by far the hardest school year. Saying goodbye to you... That was hard enough but then a new student was added to my bus and I had to pass by your apartment every morning. I went by every morning and all I could do was breath through the pain. I had to close my eyes and put my head down because I just couldn't look at your door. It took everything in me not to cry at having to be so close to the place where I lost my brother. I miss you so much.

Heather B

June 1, 2017

Cameron,
I am honored to have been your Bus Mom. You made the long bus rides to and from Eastern so much fun. I won't forget your laugh and the funny noises you used to do to make me laugh. I can still see clearly in my mind the way you pushed your glasses up on your nose. The way you would sometimes fall asleep leaning on the window, all wrapped up in your scarf. I remember the how you imitated the bus driver's monotone voice so exactly, "Division and Cozza." We'd crack up for every stop that he announced after that. Then, there were the times we jumped on the Hamilton bus to race the Division bus to the stop so we could transfer. We missed it a few times and had to stand in the cold breathing car exhaust until the next bus showed up. I can't pass that bus stop without thinking about you. From you, I learned the phrase "Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?" I can still hear you say that in a gruff voice. It's weird what we remember, but anyone who rides the bus knows what a bus smells like. so, the quote was often appropriate. Without you to sit by, who knows who I would have had to share a seat with. We had classes together. You went about writing your midterm and final for one class in a practical way. You calculated the number of days until it was due and how many questions there were and divided them out so you weren't overwhelmed. You did the allotted number of questions per day. No more, no less. I thought that was a great plan. I remember when you started volunteering at the call center. You'd show up for class exhausted, but it was worth it because you were helping people. I clearly remember when you met Beth and how happy she made you. You loved her so much. I was so happy for you! My kids all know about you. They did then and they do now. They know I had a Bus Son who I loved just as much as I love them. I wish they could have met you. They would have loved you too.

Morgan Davis

May 30, 2017

As I read Beth's posts, it makes me wish more and more I could have met you. You seem like the kind of person that brought so much light to others lives!

April 2014, celebrating Dale and Jen's birthday.

Jen

May 30, 2017

Cameron's 4th birthday.

Jen

May 30, 2017

Cameron's 4th birthday.

Jen

May 30, 2017

JEN

May 30, 2017

A little girl on the bus this morning gave me two coins this morning. A dime and a penny(11). The penny was 1987 and the dime was 2016. And a little white feather greeted me by the bus this morning. Love you too.

Susan Blank

May 29, 2017

We all went to your grave today so beautiful with all the flags and flowers. WILL order your head stone tomorrow I love and miss you with all my heart

Mom

Jen

May 23, 2017

May 17, 2017

Cameron I really had a hard day for mothers day . IT WAS A hard day I could not stop crying all day long I went for a walk in the woods did it help no. I GOT a surprise two young men at my door you my know them Josh and Jason and they brought purple flowers It was really nice talking to them.Then Beth came over I really love that girl. Beth friend James called to wish me a happy mothers day.So it really was a nice day but I didn't see you or talked to you and that is what I wanted Jen bought flowers and planted them so beautiful , Love you

MOM

susie blank

May 13, 2017

Today May 12th I was opening the slider door and I heard you monkey sound as clear as day I turned around expecting to see you then zip remembered you are no longer here with us it was very painful just for a glimpse I thought I would see you and give you a hug. I KNOW you are telling me Happy Mothers day I have seen the video you made about wishing all the mothers out happy birthday. I Love you Cameron . I KNOW YOU ARE WITHOUT ME EVERYDAY DAY I CAN FEEL YOU. You sometimes talk to my mind and I love that. You will be my son forever

MOM

Bun

May 13, 2017

You held my hand in our Safeway tonight while I was having triggers. We used to go there together late nights all the time. Thanks for holding my hand. After that I saw a mini Tiger-Nan and had to get him. I miss you very very greatly. Rocky is being super cuddly just now as I got home. We love you.

JEN

May 7, 2017

I saw you in my dreams again last night. You had two birds, Cosmo and a blue bird. The cage was set up in the living room and they kept letting themselves out. We would try to put them back but they would bite our fingers. We gave up trying to put them back and I went to sit on the bottom step going upstairs. I called out, Cam come get your birds. You came from downstairs and just held out your hand and Cosmo came right to you.

May 3, 2017

Cameron it's been 6 months today since you died it's still hard going on without you. I can't believe how much I miss you, I miss your monkey sounds, I miss seeing your car in my driveway I miss you yelling at my dogs because they bark at you, I miss your voice , I miss your smile, I miss the love you show for Beth, zip miss the way you tease Jen about her cats. I MISS the way you watch sports with dad, I miss your love for Cosmo or other animals.I miss your tender heart you had, I miss the way you stood up for people. I COULD GO ON AND ON YOU WE'RE ONE SPECIAL SON MY ONLY SON.THIS WORLD WILL NEVER BE THE SAME BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT THERE.I will go on with this life know in I will see you again. Be ready for your temple day it's 6 months away,I LOVED YOU CAMERON ELLIOT BLANK MY SON FOREVER how lucky I am Love you your mother forever Susis

JEN

April 27, 2017

Thank you for the hug tonight.

JEN

April 24, 2017

Why did the Turkey cross in front of the bus? To tell me you love me. I love you too. As I was thinking about finally getting to be your friend on Facebook I realized we've been everything but friends. It was hard to think we'd never have that in this life. That just broke my heart. But as I was thinking about that Journey's Faithfully came on the radio. I miss you so much. Thank you for the reminder that you'll always be by my side, Faithfully, until we meet again.

Beth

April 23, 2017

For those of you who never got to know Cameron Blank very well, but wanted to, maybe this will help.
When you first would meet Cameron, he may come off as very shy and quiet. You may first notice how gentle he is, or the kindness he instantly radiates. As you got to know him more over time and he opened up more, it would probably become clear of how hilarious and quick witted he was, along with the incredible amount of knowledge he had about almost everything. You might also come to know his compassion for people in need, and for all kinds of animals. He would probably teach you what he knows about animal abuse today around the world, and passionately share his opinions about world hunger and care for people who are less fortunate. Cameron would most-likely always know more about any subject than you.
He was always picking up really interesting stories or facts on Reddit. If you love Reddit you would have had endlessly enjoyable conversations with Cameron. Also if you brought up pets, he would light up and maybe tell you all about Cosmo, his Quaker Parrot, or his cat Rocky that he picked out for me as a kitten and helped raise.
If you ever saw him around animals, your heart would melt and you would laugh so much. He always brought the silliness out of them, and would play with them for hours at a time until they tired out or lost interest, but he never would. Cameron always watched out for wild animals, and they trusted him. You would know if he ever told you about the flock of turkeys at his Rockwood job. Cameron would also watch out for people who stood on corners or looked like they might be in trouble. He would buy food for people in need and give them hugs. He may tell you about the man on the street he passed by every day headed to work who played golf on the sidewalk, and how even though they never talked, he wanted to be the man's friend someday. Cameron always noticed the people around him. He saw through to a person's soul better than anyone you may have ever known.
If you ever had any meals with Cameron, you might find out about how he always tried to eat healthy if he could help it. He might tell you, "I wish there was a sort of kibble for people so we wouldn't have to worry about our diet, we would just have all the nutrients we needed." Hahah. Also when he ate something good, he always coughed. If you ever wondered if he liked something he was eating, you would know it if after he took a bite he lightly coughed. He loved spicy food, and soups. He may have made you his chili someday.
Cameron loved books, legos, Star Wars, Interstellar, Power Rangers, Lost. 90's movies and shows. He was into certain anime, and adored astrology and astronomy. Knew everything about computers-- he built his own. He was always listening to music. So many different types of music! He also loved movie or video game soundtracks.
Above all else, Cameron's love for me would be absolutely apparent in everything. If you ever talked to Cameron on a personal level, you probably would know of me by the end of the conversation. He loved me fiercely, with all his heart. I was his world. He gave me his entire soul, and all the happiness he could give.
Cameron was a wonderful and extraordinary human being. A kind, generous and compassionate person, with a huge heart and a great sense of humor. He was a man of peace and love. He should be remembered and/or known that way. The memory of the man he was should be honored in this light, and not warped by the way he passed. He was a soldier for peace in this world, and now he has his own peace in the next one.

I love you Cameron! You are everything I wish I could be, and I miss you in my life, with every beat of my heart.

Nicle

April 22, 2017

Missing you so terribly, Nanward.

Jason Simmons

April 21, 2017

Every April 20th I always remember how the crew would all get in your car and drive backwards around the neighborhood going 5mph while blasting Enya and Disney Princess music. I remember one year we were driving in circles down at the end of Carlson Court. I think we were down there for at least 20 minutes driving backwards. We called Jeremy in the middle of this and told him to look down at the bottom of the street. He came down and jumped in the car while we were still doing circles. I look back fondly at all the stupid, weird, and funny stuff that we did together. That is something that I will always miss about you, Cam. You provided me with some of the greatest moments in my life. Thank you for everything that you shared with me. Love and miss you.

JEN

March 30, 2017

Today's been a rough one. I can't seem to catch my breath or keep the tears down. It's a day I'm more aware of you and it's the day we lost Shadow, 11 years ago. Add on it's my birthday in a few days. The first without you and I don't like it at all. I've been thinking about what I want and that's an obvious one. All I want this year is something from you. And you sent it to me just now. I was looking through some pictures of Shadow and I came across a birthday card from you. It simply said I love you. I needed that so much today, so thank you for the early birthday card. I love you too. I know you'll be there in your own way. I know that. But it will still be rough. Nothing is simple anymore.

JEN

March 23, 2017

I'm going to believe that what happened today was your doing. I came home this morning and there were seven messages on the machine. Six were a very obnoxious noise and one was a hang up. That noise reminded me of the annoying noises you made in life. So when I came back the second time there was three more. And when I came home the third time there was one more hang up. And when I walked by the phone and saw 11 staring back at me I started thinking and noticing numbers. There was 11 messages total with 2 hang ups. 2/11. That's your birthday. Then I thought of the 11 again, the three messages the second time I came home and the six from the morning. I put the six in 2016 and I saw 11/3/16, the day you passed. Yeah, that was you. Don't stop believing, right? You tell me that a lot. So crazy or not I won't stop believing. I love you so much. And thank you for the very pretty, unique feather today.

Beth

March 21, 2017

Hey Cameron,
I've been spending time hanging out with Eric before he leaves town. I can see why you considered him to be your best friend. And I feel close to you when I'm around him. But I still miss you so much. I love you with all my heart. Thank you for watching over me, and rejoicing in the moments I'm happy. Holding my heart when I'm sad. Thinking of you constantly, sweetheart.

March 21, 2017

I can't believe how much I miss you. Its so hard going day to day without you. I can't pick up the phone to talk to you or just hear your voice. This life will never be the same without you. I think of you every day. I love you!
Mom

JEN

March 20, 2017

I can find Orion pretty easy now, so now I can find the star named for you. Thank you for all the feathers. I'll need a bigger box for them all soon. I love you too.

March 13, 2017

I don't believe I'll ever be truly happy again. I don't think it's possible. I miss you so much. It hurts.
As I am typing this, "I Got You Babe" by Sunny and Cher randomly came on. This is right after I saw it on Facebook that I posted it for you. I know that's your way of holding me while I lay here crying. I miss you so much. Thank you for still loving me.
I have felt like screaming all this time, and everyone told me it might be good for me. Well, I always had a feeling that it wouldn't be helpful for me, but I finally tried it anyway. As I did, I immediately felt a searing pain in my heart growing through my body, and I realized that the reason I felt it was a bad idea was because of the way I screamed when I found you. And screamed and screamed the rest of that day. When I did now, it brought me right into that day again. I don't think I will ever scream again now, for anything.
Thanks for sending me "Somewhere Only We Know" just now, by Lily Allen. I love you too Cameron, so much. You're the only person who knows me, makes me smile, and brings happiness to my heart. You taught me so much. I learned something from you almost every day.
I miss you. It's more than that. There's no words to describe this.

Thanks for the Journey song now, "Separate Ways". I don't feel so alone now.

JEN

March 6, 2017

I know you approve of Cosmo's new home/ family. I will believe your hug last night was telling me that. And in the dream you were happy. Be proud of Cosmo, I know you'll watch over him. He's a good bird. And I will make sure he's taken care of. I promise. Love you too.

JEN

March 4, 2017

Cosmo got a new home today. He has a family now.

JEN

February 27, 2017

I asked for a sign last night that you were ok with Cosmo's potential new home. I saw a group of turkeys this morning. And then I went to the store and I was looking through your favorite scarves and a necklace with April's birthstone fell on the floor. I came across the letter C three times today, feathers, and a penny from 2016. And when I came home the last time I found two feathers, from a cat you probably, going downstairs to your room. I know you will guide us to the right person for Cosmo. I miss and love you so much.

JEN

February 23, 2017

I promise you a smile for a sign. Every time.

JEN

February 22, 2017

I'm beautifully broken.
I can stand before anyone in
one piece and still shatter within.
A weak light lives in my eyes,
withdrawing when the pain
becomes a suffocating sadness.
But still it lingers.
I can find a reason to smile,
if only for a second before the
tears stain my face.
The sweetness of memories
always burn my eyes.
My heartbeat is distant but true.
It's begging for relief,
crying out when none comes.
But still Hope clings to my
desperate heart.
My feet falter as I stumble
through a drowning grief.
But still I move.
You made my eyes shine like stars,
my heart a patchwork of love and loss.
You made my memories turn to gold.
You, my brother, left me
beautifully broken.

JEN

February 21, 2017

All my days look the same.
I get up, I think about you.
I eat, I think about you.
I go to work, I think about you.
I come home, I think about you.
I cry, I think about you.
I go to sleep, I think about you.
I think about you today,
tomorrow and everyday.

JEN

February 21, 2017

I'm sorry for your loss...
They all say that, but do they
understand what you really lost?
It's not just the loss of a brother,
a son, a best friend, a sweetheart...
The loss goes so much deeper.
You lose a piece of your heart,
your soul. A piece of yourself.
You lose peace of mind, your hope,
your faith. Sometimes you lose your
mind. Period. You lose balance and
control. You lose sleep, days drag on.
You lose the future for what it could've
been. The chance to say I'm sorry and
to forgive. To say goodbye.
Words are left to hang in the air.
You lose a constant presence in
your life. Someone to talk to in
those darkest, coldest, loneliest
moments when your heart is bare
and all your pain is exposed.
You lose trust in yourself and others,
your security, a sense of belonging.
You lose a reason to exist, a reason
to breathe, to live, to fight one more day.
You lose that easy smile, the ability
to mend, your emotional stability.
You lose time to tears, even lose
your way. You lose a gift this world
didn't know it had. It's a loss you
feel everywhere, in everything.

JEN

February 21, 2017

I walk a fine line between
the shadows and the light.
I touch both sides.
I live in the darkness,
but I reach into the light.
When I stumble I never know
which side will catch me.
Both sides scare me.
The darkness swallows me up
and I disappear.
The light deceives my eyes
because it no longer holds
you in it.

February 18, 2017

It's been a tough week. Someone came in that reminded me of you and I couldn't help but break down. You were my favorite.

Bun Bun

February 16, 2017

On Valentine's Day I brought Rocky and we went to your grave and put down some fresh roses. When I was done I put my hand on your grave and said goodbye, and just then I heard a few coyotes howl in the distance through the edge of the forest. Also on the way up the winding road a deer leaped across our way, climbing up to where your grave was. I love you so much. I know those signs were from you. Also the purple fish and the stars and moons dog biscuits at petco. You made my Valentine's special. I went to NUDO today to be close to you. Missing you every single day.

JEN

February 11, 2017

We will always find you, little star. Happy birthday Cam. All the ways you made yourself known today. The balloon popping, the runaway balloon, the car with your name spray painted on the back, yours and Beth's booth at the restaurant, the star Beth found while we were filling your balloons with our notes, the happy birthday monkey we found at Safeway, and the candle that flared up while we were lighting your cake. You made it your day for sure. You also made sure we laughed, so thank you for making this a good memory for us. And we found you. I was so excited to be able to find you under all this snow. The weather was so bright and beautiful and the stars were out so we could see Orion. Thank you for being with us today. Happy birthday. We love you and miss you always.

Jen

February 8, 2017

Three Journey songs, a feather and a strong smell of cigar. All before ten this morning. Happy birthday to you both. My brother and my grandpa. I love you both and miss you very much.

Jen

February 1, 2017

I was watching an old Christmas video today. Dad handed you a present and said you get to open it. And you replied with why. It just made me laugh because that's you.

Jen

February 1, 2017

I had a dream about you a week ago. Mom and I were home and we could hear my alarm clock going off downstairs. I could hear it getting louder like it was coming to me and that freaked me out because no one else was home. And just as I was going downstairs to check it out, you came around the corner, holding my alarm clock. You handed it to me and I could see you, but Mom couldn't. You gave Mom a big bear hug and her whole face just lit up. Then in typical brother behavior, you threw a sock at my face. But the whole time I saw you, your eyes were clear and they were shining. Your whole face had a glow, a pure happiness, there was a lightness to you. You no longer carried any of those burdens from life. I felt like you were teasing me.

Bethy

January 30, 2017

Look how he lights up the sky
Ma belle Cameron
So far above me yet I
Know his heart belongs to only me

Je t'adore, je t'aime, Cameron
You're my king of the night
So still, so bright

That someone as beautiful as he
Could love someone like me
Love always finds a way, it's true
And I love you, Cameron

Love is beautiful
Love is wonderful
Love is everything, do you agree?
Mais oui~

Look how he lights up the sky
I love you, Cameron

Your Bethy

January 28, 2017

Last night I had the strongest wave of grief I've had since the first week without you. It was as if it happened twice. I was in so much excruciating pain. This morning I am thinking about you and how much pain you were in before, and how happy you are now. I'm so grateful your pain is gone. The pain that was indescribable and that I didn't really know or understand until now. I still may not know exactly, but I can relate now. I love you, and I miss you, but please know that I would never want to take away the happiness you have now. You deserve every bit of the glory and joy you are surrounded with now. Be happy, but stay with us. We love you and we can't live without you. We need your soul close by to get us through this hard life. You're my stars and my Canary and I love you eternally with all my heart.

Jen

January 26, 2017

Promise me when my light flickers out you'll be there to take my hand.

Jen

January 26, 2017

A little girl commented on the monkey hat today. She was making monkey noises, then pointed out a few things about the hat. First, she said ears, then pointed to her own. She said it had two eyes, then poked her own eyes. She pointed to the mouth, then hers. Then she said "oh no, he has no nose," so she pointed to hers. People just love that hat and so do I.

January 25, 2017

Cameron, I hope you know how much you are loved and how much we miss you.
Connie

Jen

January 25, 2017

Do you see now how many people love you? All these lives you've touched, big or small, we were all blessed to know you.

Bethy

January 22, 2017

Thank you for the raptor dinosaur yesterday. I know it was you. And thank you for the scarf a couple weeks ago. I love it. You're in my soul, my sweetheart.

Kelli Watts

January 21, 2017

I know pain, and I am so sorry you had so much. You and my brother aren't hurting any more. Maybe keep him company for me?

Cameron, everyone who knew you saw your heart. You were a dear soul in a cold world, and the world is a little colder without you here. Rest well, I wish I had known you better.

C.J.

January 21, 2017

Cameron, you changed my life, I miss you, I hope you're at peace now.

January 19, 2017

Iam sorry for all the pain you had to go threw Cameron! I have the pain today and the rest of my life. I will always miss you! You are my Son.
MOM

Bethy

January 17, 2017

So I was a few days off, but you know. If Cameron were here he would be like, "No, Beth, it's the 17th, not the 14th." Haha. He was the one who kept track of dates. He even kept track of my family's birthdays when I would forget. I miss you Cameron, I had a dream I was at my Dad's house and was missing you so much, and wanted to get back home to you. My heart was hurting so bad. Then I woke up and it still hurts like heck. You're in my soul, you're the love of my life. Stay with me until we're reunited again. I love you.

Jen

January 15, 2017

My missing piece lives in your peace.

Jen

January 15, 2017

To the Angels in Heaven-
I lost my brother today.
He comes to you with tears
in his eyes, a broken heart
and burdens too heavy to carry.
So please, these things I ask for
him. He needs so much and
deserves so much more.
Please watch over and protect him.
Fill his heart with the peace he so
desperately seeks. Be with him, I
don't want him to be alone. Take way
his pain, he's known too much. Wipe
away his tears and bring back his smile.
Hug him while I can't and be kind to him,
he has a good heart. Give him the
strength to be without us as we are
without him. Let those dark days follow
him no more. Show him his worth, he's
capable of great things. Keep a place in
Heaven for him, he deserves to be there.
Greet him at Heaven's door, I don't want
him lost anymore. Welcome him home.
I need someone there waiting for me.
Take care of my brother, I love him very
much. His happiness is everything.
Love,
his sister

Beth

January 13, 2017

Dearest Cameron,
Every day has a sense of emptiness and incompletion now that you're gone. It's been over a couple months and I still cry every day, because without you I'm so alone, and a half of a person. I cry because you were in pain, and your heart ached.
I'm wearing your fingerprint and your meteorite around my neck, and your birthstone and name on my finger. Your scarf and snowboarding coat keeps me so warm in this horrible snowy winter. I sleep with your plushies, and kiss your picture in the morning. Your moldavite is in the earring hole by the angel kiss you always liked. I look at the stars every night they're out and think about you. Our memories are in my mind, and our love is in my heart. They are untouched and safe. Nobody can change them. All these things bring me a little comfort. I love you. Tomorrow is our anniversary. I will visit your grave and bring some gifts. Mom said she would come with me to a movie in your place, and we'll sneak in ham-and-Swiss, and pizza lunchables like you and I always used to do. I'm also going to go for a walk in our forest at night. I hope it snows like it did that first time. I hope you'll be there beside me. I miss you my darling sweet Cameron. Thank you for sharing your mortal life with me. Thank you for our memories and for your love. This is not the end.
I love you.

January 12, 2017

Life is not the same without you! A part of me died with you Love you

MOM

Jen

January 9, 2017

Jen

January 8, 2017

Thank you for the shower of feathers yesterday. I've never seen anything like it. It was an amazing sight you blessed me with. I love you too.

Jen

January 3, 2017

I wore your monkey hat today and a little girl came on the bus wearing a monkey hat with a pink bow. She told me she was wearing a girl hat. And then she pointed to my monkey hat saying I was wearing a boy hat. She told me I was a girl and that I needed to wear only girl hats.

Jen

January 1, 2017

All this snow reminds me of you. I remember a time when we jumped off the roof of our house and into a huge pile of snow. You did it a lot, but this one time I remember jumping with you.

Merry Christmas Mom. 2016.

Jen

December 31, 2016

We will never celebrate Christmas without you.

Jen

December 31, 2016

Jen

December 28, 2016

I wake up and it's
Christmas morning
and you're still gone.
I still have a hole in me.
I still battle down the tears
with every breath I take.
Sometimes I don't win.
But I try, I have to.
I still miss you.
I'm still lost.
Who am I without you?
I don't know.
But most of all...
I still love you.

Jen

December 27, 2016

When I asked for an obvious sign that you're here with us, I wasn't expecting so many. Yesterday, I can't thank you enough for what I call a Christmas miracle. Mom ordered me a monkey hat like yours, but when I opened it, I ended up pulling out three hats. One for each of us, Dad, Mom and me. And today, while Mom and I were in the store we saw your monkey hat walk by. I said, there goes Cam's monkey hat. And then I was walking and I saw a piece from a pop can tab that was broken and as I saw it, it looked like a C. And then the feathers I found. All from you. I know you're here with us. We also found little stuffed monkeys with the Christmas candy that we had to get. I love you too.

Beth

December 26, 2016

Cameron I missed you so much yesterday. It was so hard. I've never had a bad Christmas before. I suppose every Christmas from here on out will have a sadness to it. I love you so much. Please stay in my heart.

Kristen Tesarik

December 25, 2016

I didn't know much about you other then the way Beth was always ranting about how cute you were and when you went to the zoo how much your face lit up as you went to Seattle just because. She was so happy you guys just up and went. I may not have known you well at all but I felt connected to you simply by working with Beth. She always talked about you. I'd ask if she needed a ride, she always said that you were coming to get her. You came into the restaurant a few times and it was refreshing to see you and Beth giggling with each other. I always thought about you and Beth because she was an awesome friend and seeing how happy you made her made me smile. While I didn't know you well, I knew you just enough for you to impact my life. You impacted so many and I just wish I could tell you that. Thank you for making Beth happy and I always thought it was awesome the way she told stories about you and she would draw Cosmo and tell me how you loved birds. You were the topic of nearly every conversation-- at least that's what it felt like to me. I loved hearing about you too! It gave me something fun and bright to look forward to at work everyday. Just gearing about the amazing person you were made me want to be friends with you and I thought in time that would happen. You taught me that there is no later, there is the now and that is what we have got to deal with.

Jen

December 25, 2016

Merry Christmas Cam.

Jen

December 25, 2016

Thinking of you today and everyday.

Jen

December 18, 2016

I'm going to miss your personal gift wrapping style. It was a mess,but it was all you and that's why I loved it. I kept our Christmas tradition alive, I know you were there. I hope you love it as much as I do. I will smile for the both of us. Merry Christmas Cam. I love you.

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