Sarah "Ray" Coker

1941 - 2019

Stonington - "Miss Ray" Coker died peacefully Dec. 1, 2019, after an extended illness.

Born Sarah Smyth Flinn Moore in Charleston, S.C. March 27, 1941, she was the only child of Sarah Smyth Flinn Horton Moore and Joseph Henry Moore and was known as Miss Ray. She grew up in Charleston, with the exception of a few short years in Evanston, Ill., and also Amman, Jordan, where her father, a civil engineer, worked on a hydroelectric project. She was a graduate of Charleston Day School, the Ashley Hall School, and The University of South Carolina, where she studied English and later earned a Master of Social Work degree.

Miss Ray was a devoted mother. In the late 1970s, raising her three sons on her own, she co-founded Dimensions I, a real estate brokerage in Charleston, to provide for her family. In 1981, she met her life's love, James Lide Coker IV. They were married Nov. 24, 1984, and together they raised their blended family. After Hurricane Hugo sacked Sullivan's Island, they vacationed in New England and found a new home in the village of Stonington, where they lived for 15 years. There they spent many happy days in the exquisite garden she planned and created. In their rambling shingled house in Stonington, Miss Ray enjoyed entertaining family and friends, always mindful of the delight of a beautiful setting and a well-chosen menu. From 2000 to 2007, they split their time between Stonington and Charleston, S.C. In 2007, they returned to live in Charleston, S.C. year-round. In 2013, several years after her diagnosis of dementia, they moved to Portola Valley, Calif. to be closer to their children on the West Coast.

Miss Ray was exacting in her diction and manners. She loved the written word, the songs of Cole Porter, the mountains, the energy of New York, a baby's curls, light on the water, a lovely room, and a beautiful dress. She was direct and resolute, and quick to set a record straight. She was perseverant.

Miss Ray loved outdoor activities. It was at a sailing event on Charleston Harbor in August 1981, that she and James first met, and she invited him to sail with her that day in her green Sunfish, The Bad News. They later enjoyed sailing in the Caribbean, and also cruising along the New England Coast in the namesake trawler, the Miss Ray. They were members of The Wad Club in Stonington. She developed a fierce tennis game while living in Stonington where she and James played in mixed-doubles leagues.

Miss Ray and James explored the world together. They traveled throughout the United States, often with the National Trust for Historic Preservation. They also took many trips abroad to England, France, Italy, Spain, Mexico, Egypt and Jordan. Most of all she loved Paris, which she visited many times with James and also with a group of her close friends from Charleston.

She was active in The National Trust for Historic Preservation and The Garden Conservancy, and she served as a board member of the Ashley Hall School and Wings for Kids. She was a life-long Episcopalian.

She is survived by her devoted husband, James Coker of Portola Valley, Calif., and their family, Charles Stilwell and his husband, Kendall Snow, of Camden, S.C.; McDavid Stilwell, his wife, Millicent, and their daughters, Louise and Ellison, of Mill Valley, Calif.; Jay Stilwell and his daughter, Sarah Bond, of San Francisco; and Samantha Coker and her fiancé, Richard Pauwels, of Los Angeles.

A funeral is planned for noon, Dec. 27, 2019, at St. Stephen's Episcopal Church in Charleston, with a celebratory reception to follow. A memorial service at Cavalry Church in Stonington and an interment at Stonington Cemetery is being planned for spring 2020.