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Ryan C. McCarthy

Ryan McCarthy Obituary

McCARTHY Ryan C. McCarthy, 19, passed away on October 5, 2002. He is survived by his father and mother, John C. and Fiely McCarthy; brothers, Ben and Ian McCarthy; sisters, Nicki and Katie McCarthy; Paternal Grandparents, Janet Bove (Pat) and Andrew McCarthy; and by Rhonda Calvacante and Family, Michele Peterson and Family, Patricia Mack and Family. Memorial services will be 4 p.m. on Tuesday, Oct. 8, in the chapel of TOWN & COUNTRY FUNERAL HOME, 7242 Normandy Blvd. with Glen Stehly officiating. In lieu of flowers memorial contributions may be sent to any Compass Bank in memory of Ryan C. McCarthy Fund. Please sign the Guestbook at Jacksonville.com

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by Florida Times-Union on Oct. 7, 2002.

Memories and Condolences
for Ryan McCarthy

Sponsored by The McCarthy Family.

145 Entries

Michael Murray

October 4, 2023

Today is never easy, but it's a time for me to reflect upon all the fun times we shared together. All the way back to Bayview Elementary, to climbing random trees in Lake Shore. Thank you for being a friend when I was the new kid in the neighborhood, I'll never forget ya, brotha.

Ian

March 4, 2020

Love ya man. Miss ya.

Michael Murray

February 12, 2019

Still miss you, man.

John Mccarthy

September 3, 2017

Hello my son.
I still miss you every day. It never stops hurting.
Please say hello to mom for me. Tell her I love her and miss her so much. I don't know what to do to stop hurting for you both.
I hope God sees fit to let me join you guys soon.
Dad.

katie

July 10, 2017

Hey ryan....just popping in to say hello. And i love you. I hope you and momma are around watching over us all giving us the strength we need. Miss you both terribly!! Hope to see yall in my dreams

Katie Mccarthy

April 9, 2017

Happy 34th birthday Ryan. I have not written in quite some time. I still think of you daily and miss you everyday. Momma is now with you and i hope your in her arms smiling down. Miss you both more than you could imagine but love yall way more. Hope to see yall in my dreams soon. Kiss momma for me

April 8, 2017

My dear son Ryan
Tomorrow,April 9th will have been your 34th Birthday. I will go to the cemetery and put flowers on your grave.
I know your mom is happy to be with you again.
I will always love you.
Dad.

Audrey Parks

January 13, 2017

I'm his cousin never met him still think about him and miss him.... Any of the family please get in touch with me... I'm from PA and OK the depew side. Calvin SR was my grandpa and my mother was Cathy....Mary parsell is my aunt as fiely is....I love you all

Dad

December 13, 2016

My deloved son Ryan,
I love you so much and think of you every day.I shed at least one tear for you.
I know it was you who came to take your Grammy home last year, she talked about the boy coming to take her home. She said she did not like it here anymore.
Now ,soon you will come to take your mom home soon. That comforts me.
Someday I will be expecting you also, but not yet. I think God has a few more thing for me to do.
I look forward to sitting on a cloud with all past loved ones, friends, and maybe a Angel or two having a few Heavenly beers and some laughs.
Love always,
Dad

Kris Raines

November 4, 2016

I've been thinking about u a lot this morning. I miss u my friend and so wish u could have seen Gracie grow up. She's even more beautiful then u thought she was when she was little. If only time could be reset. - Kristal

Katie Mccarthy

October 5, 2015

As much as I'd like to say through the years today is easier for us I would just be lying...today hurts just as bad as the first day we found out you were no longer with us. Miss you oh so much Ryan and love you more than I could ever write to you. As the years pass the hardest part for me is the fading of the memory of your voice :( it's something that is fading and I'm terrified to forget. Hope your smiling down on me watching over us all with a proud feeling in your heart. Hope you know you are the reason I am who I am today. Please look after the family there are still some who aren't healing from your passing and I worry that pain will take them one day too. I love you always Ryan and hope to see you soon in my dreams sending up big hugs and big kisses

Michael Murray

October 27, 2014

Dropping by to let you know I still think about you all the time, bro. There's moments in my life that I keep thinking, "man, I wish Ryan was here for this" because we were inseparable from when we were kids. I know, as I've said before, I'll see you again someday and I'll get to clutch my arm around you and give you a noogy, lol. Keep lookin' out for everybody down here, we don't EVER stop thinking about you & the joy & happiness you brought us all. Love ya, bro.

Michael Murray

October 15, 2013

Been catching up with a lot of peeps from when we were kids, keep thinking about ya. I still like telling the story of us going to the sock hop at Bayview Elementary and laughing at everybody else dancing. That's my greatest memory of you, is how it was always fun when we'd hang out, no matter where it was or what was going on. Even climbing random trees in some random persons yard, lol. Well brother, I know it's been over a year since I posted here, but I wanted to stop by since this month makes it 11 years.

katie

April 9, 2013

ANOTHER YEAR PASSED...HAPPY BIRTHDAY. THE BIG 30 YOU WOULD BE TODAY. HOPE YOU SEE THAT YOUR STILL IN EVERYONES HEARTS AND ON OUR MINDS. I MISS U MORE AND MORE AS TIME GOES ON. WISHING YOU COULD BE HERE TO ENJOY ALL THE LITTLE THINGS LIFE BRINGS OUR WAY. LOVE U TONS RYAN!

Michael Murray

April 28, 2012

Still missin' you every day man.. I can't believe it's been 10 years this October. Come say what's up in my dreams, I could use some of your advice on things. Visit Katie first, she's your little sister and misses you more than I ever could. Love ya bro, 'til next time.

Katie mccarthy

April 8, 2012

Happy Birthday Ryan...I miss you bigger than the universe. I love you more than that. I miss having my protector around... Although I have a new one. I miss your smiles and your voice, your laughter and your fits...i miss the negitive and the postitive... I just simply miss my brother. I dont get too sad anymore thinking about you but my birthday this year was really hard and now yours is here and hitting me like a ton of bricks... If theres a way come visit me. I love you Ryan hope heaven is throeing you a party.

Michael Murray

May 4, 2010

Just sayin' hey man, take care.

Katie Mccarthy

February 26, 2010

My Big Brother....
I love you so very much and think of you on a daily basis. I recently had a baby and in memory of you I named him Ryan Lee Rath....Yes Rath!! Thomas Rath The best thing to happen to me since you...other than little Ryan. I hope your still looking after me after all these years. You are still missed by everyone so much. Although the pain isnt as bad its still there for everyone. I love you Ryan and hope your around to see your nephew.We Love you lots....
Your baby Sis

Autumn Paciorek

December 20, 2008

I was just thinking that I really hope you are celebrating the Holidays up there in Heaven =]

I miss you, now and forever, now more than ever. Your family is persevering, Ian has grown in so many ways and I'm honored to have been able to continue contact with all of them. They know that you are watching over them every day, and I really feel that this helps them get through.

I love you Ryan.

Michael Murray

December 19, 2008

I still miss you so much brotha, especially around the holiday season. Keep looking over us all, and I'll see you when I sleep.

Autumn Paciorek

May 26, 2008

So I realized today that I'm now almost 5 years older than you ever had the opportunity to experience. It still breaks my heart each time I think of you and the potential that you held inside so bright and ominously.

The things that I've learned and experienced in the last 5 years are irreplacable. They've made me almost a completely different person, somebody optimistic and more self aware than I ever have been before. I feel your loss each time I accomplish something, each time I try something new. Each experience that I have that you never had the opportunity to know. You deserved nothing but the best, you really did.

I hope that things are well up there in heaven. Send down a little piece of happiness for your family- they all need it right now.

I miss and love you more than words can describe.

Autumn Paciorek

March 19, 2008

Miss you lots :[

Ian McCarthy

January 9, 2008

Its insane how long it has been since you left earth.Thins have been rough lately but I just think bout getting through each day. Very happy lately man. I talk often about you in hopes that other people will realize how much life is important. Love you man.

Autumn Paciorek

January 9, 2008

I drove through Jacksonville on my way home from New Year's with the family on Saturday. All the way through I was thinking about you, and then I'll be missing you came on the radion. It was soooo strange, I haven't heard that song on the radio in YEARSSS. I want you to know that you are never forgotten. You will remain eternally in the hearts of those you blessed with your presence. I love you and anticipate the day I'll see your smile again... What a lovely day it will be :]

Missing and Loving you for always!

Autumn Paciorek

December 18, 2007

Ryan,

I was just thinking about you :] I miss you sooo much, but I know that you are happy where you are and that is the most comforting thought. The holidays are coming quickly, and I wish you were here to celebrate with us.

Missing you every day!

Autumn Paciorek

October 7, 2007

Ryan,

I wrote this on October 5th and put it on a beautiful image of you, but i'm not able to post the image on this site. It is on my myspace, but I really wanted to post it here as well. Here ya go muffin :]

Today makes 5 years since the loss of a beautiful person internally and externally. The pain in our hearts will always be a constant, but we've accepted that Ryan C. P. McCarthy has gone to a better place. The tears continue to fall, but today we understand that Ryan was always meant to be our gaurdian angel. This exceptional existence will never be forgotten.

Ryan, you know that we think of you on a daily basis. We remember the good times and the bad, the smiles and the tears. Finding ourselves as teenagers has had a tremendous impact on my life and will ocntinue to day to day in my future. You were everything to me.

To The McCarthy Family
I know that you still hurt every day... I know that the pain will never subside. Today please celebrate Ryan's life- that is the way he would want it. I love you guys more than you'll ever know. If you need anything at all, feel free to call me.

The following was written at the end of the day:

I love you and I've thought of you all day! There's nothing that can replace your sweet smiles, your innocent eyes, your intriguing responses. The thought of the loss of your presence breaks my heart in every manner possible. I miss you more with each empty breath taken.

There it is- I love you so much.

Katie Mccarthy

October 5, 2007

Well Ryan to this day you have made an impact on everyone around you. You had such a beautiful soul and such a good heart. We all miss and love you Ryan. I love you Ryan and I hope you are looking upon me with happiness. I know your probably up there laughing at Ben saying something like "I bet you never thought that would happen", with me and Thomas. Well Ryan it has been 5 years and still I awake crying, and it seems like we have to move on but it never is getting any easier. Do me a favor and send Mom, Dad and Ian a little peace. I love and miss you. Your biggest fan(lol) And Baby Sis Katie

Autumn Paciorek

August 31, 2007

Ryan...

Your soul will never be forgotten. All this time and we are still inconsolable. We will miss you forever.

Michael Murray

October 4, 2006

4 years later, yet your spirit is still felt here as strong as ever. I miss ya bro.

Katie Mccarthy

August 28, 2006

Hey Ryan...

Hows it going? Fine here...Still missing the hell outta you though! Ive came close to a couple of brakedowns but I pulled through! Guess What!!! Like you dont know already.... I enrolled in college Im gonna start in january though! Arent you proud....Hope so!! I love you Ryan!!

Your baby Sis Kate~{@

Michael Murray

August 15, 2006

It's been a long while since I've left you a message, but I just wanted to say hello. Still think about you from time to time bro, and still miss you alot.

Michael Murray

December 19, 2005

Merry Christmas Ryan, still missin' ya down here bro.

Sunshine

November 4, 2005

Mr. and Mrs. McCarthy and family,
It has been a while since we last communicated, and I just wanted to let you know you are NOT forgotten; I would like to close here with something from the WORD OF GOD if I may,forgiveness is the healing factor for pain, and I pray that in time your family will be able to finally heal from your hurt and pain, and if you turn it over to HIM, that will happen, Ryan would not want you to go through your lives feeling upset and angry over his lost, you taught him better than that concept and just know, I do understand ALL sides to tragedy personallly and so this is what has helped me deal and cope. GOD BLESS! SUNSHINE

Autumn Paciorek

October 9, 2005

Hey Pumpkin :)

I miss you lots and lots. It's so cold here- I have yet to adjust to the weather! I don't think that it's going to happen this yr- Maybe next yr (if I'm still here - Lol). I'm gonna get to snowboard this yr, so that's gonna be really cool... I'll probably get a season's pass cause I'm only like 35 mins from the mountain. I can stay in shape and have fun! YaY!

So my job up here is way better- the pay, the ppl, the company itself. Maybe because its a newly acquired lifetouch territory. I don't know. But I hope that it doesn't change much- ATL was so bad.

I'm getting so lonely ry- It's really sad.

I don't have anything else to write today- I'm feeling closed up right now. I'll write more soon.

I love you

*forever your friend*

Katie McCarthy

October 7, 2005

HEY BABE....

JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN THREE YEARS NOW IT FEELS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY. I NEVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO OUR FAMILY AND NOW THAT IT HAS ITS SUCH A DIFFERENT LOOK ON THINGS. I REMEMBER WHEN IT FIRST HAPPENED EVERYONE KEPT TELLING ME AS TIME WENT ON IT WOULD GET A LITTLE EASIER BUT RYAN FOR A PERSON LIKE YOU TO PASS IT CAN NEVER BE ANY EASIER. IT HURTS EVERYDAY JUST THE SAME AS IT DID THE FIRST DAY. I HATE LIVING WITHOUT YOU I MISS YOU WAY TOO MUCH AND I JUST WANNA GIVE YOU ONE LAST HUG THATS IT....IF GOD TOLD ME I COULD HAVE ONE THING OTHER THAN YOU COMMING ALIVE AGAIN I WOULD ASK FOR 5 MINUTES WITH YOU...SO I COULD HUG YOU GIVE YOU A KISS AND TELL YOU THE THINGS I COULDNT SAY BEFORE. ITS FUNNY RYAN, EVERYONE WAS SO SCARED TO SAY WHAT THEY WANTED TO WHEN YOU WERE HERE BUT NOW THAT YOUR GONE WE UNDERSTAND NOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO SAY WHAT WE NEED TO! SO I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS RYAN I HOPE YOU ALWAYS THINK OF ME AS YOUR BABY SISTER AND I HOPE WHERE EVER YOU ARE YOU DONT FORGET ME...THAT KILLS ME THE MOST NOT KNOWING IF THERES A LIFE AFTER THISONE, WHETHER YOUR LOOKING AFTER ME, WHETHER YOUR HERE AND CAN HERE ME...IF I COULD JUST HAVE THAT ANSWERED I WOULD FEEL ALOT BETTER....WELL RYAN I HOPE YOU LIKED THE FLOWERS AND BALOONS WE SENT TO YOU NEVER FORGET RYAN I LOVE YOU!!!!!

LOVE FOREVER YOUR BABY SIS

KATIE!!!!

Autumn Paciorek

September 26, 2005

Hey Sweet <3

I miss you so so so much!! I moved to NH on Fri (which was also my 21st bday). I'm pretty excited about the move, though I don't really know why. I transferred with the company that I worked for in ATL- I'm going to be doing underclassmen. I don't know anyone up here, so I'm going to be pretty lonely for a while, but I'll adjust.

I saw Vickie's baby the last time I was in FL- She is beautiful! I really hope that all works out for Vickie and Will- for the baby's sake I mean. It seems that Vickie is growing up... that is great. I guess it comes with the territory of being a mommy.

Angel is pregnant- 5 months now. Maria is also pregnant- she's about 2-3 months. Everyone's having babies! It makes me feel kind of left out, but I know that I am not yet ready for a baby. I want a lot of things before I'll be ready. I just want stability financially and otherwise. I don't think that it's very fair to bring a baby into the world if you can't yet do for yourself. I know that you understand what I mean. I just want to be able to provide before I consider the baby thing :)

Well, I have to go for now- I'll write again soon! Much love to your family- and much apologies for not having the time to go to Jax last time I was in FL.

*forever your friend*

Ian McCarthy

September 19, 2005

Hey Ryan. Hope all is well in the wonderful world you're now in. I'm doing much better I suppose. I have been so bored lately cuz I cant work since I broke my foot. I am crazier than ever, almost insane. HA. Well just jokingly of course. I get that alot. I am actually about to get my first car and im so excited. I wish you could be here to chill with me and just relax and enjoy what we enjoy. Things have been crazy but im still holding it down for everyone. I have done so much growing up even though mom and dad dont think so but I honestly have become more wise. I have to say I live life now to the fullest and thats alls that we can do these days with everything that is going on. I really have maintained the " I dont care attutude" and that is for everything I do. I really cant because it only worries me to care about things anymore. Im still the same ole me but different. I really have missed you alot and wish there was a way I can use my powers to bring you back here to make life so much easier. I shall write back soon.

Love always your brother, Ian.

Autumn Paciorek

July 15, 2005

Hey love!!! How are you?? Hopefully well. I'm doing okay... but I did just find out some disturbing news.

I got sick on Sunday- stomach pains and such. I went to the hospital Monday and they told me that there was nothing wrong with me. But when I went home the pain was continuously getting more extreme, so I went to another Hospital. I was there for 4 hrs and they did not see me, so I went home and decided to try to sleep it off. That didn't even CLOSE to work! I ended up at yet another hospital early Tues. morning. There I found out that I have PID(Pelvic Inflammatory Disease). They think that it was caused from a previous infection that was not taken care of(the only time that i've been sick is from work- I was working in a mold infested room for about 2 wks and I didn't know it). The good news is that we caught it pretty early... the bad news is that it will NEVER go away, and along with the pain it can cause infertility!

Ryan, I didn't realize how much I wanted kids of my own until they told me that. I was devastated. You always know what can happen, you just never expect that it will happen to you! Life is so crazy. I mean, I guess it's not that bad because I can adopt (and you know how much I used to talk about my puerto-rican baby boy :) ), I just know that someday I AM GOING TO BE IN LOVE- Real love. And that day I may want kids that are ours. You know? I know you of all people will understand- I remember how much you wanted a family. It's just so scary to me. I know that ultimately it could be much worse, so I am greatful that it is not. It's still hard to be optimistic about something like this.

My job is going okay, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do after Sept(Senior season will be over- that is my job). I can either do underclassmen (cons- not interesting, pros- will always have the equipment to use on personal work as well) or sports(not interesting at all). I haven't quite decided yet. I'm still looking into magazines in ATL that I may be able to do internships at. Hopefully all will fall into place.

Well LOVE, I have to go. I love and miss you bigger than the world!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

OXOXOXOXOXO

Katie McCarthy

July 3, 2005

@-}-}-**~RYAN~**@-}-}-

Hey sweetie. Hows everything going in that big place? Well I hope. I havent written to you in awhile because we dont have internet anymore. Im in NY my first trip out of Florida...God I wish you could be here for it with me. Had to get away from Jacksonville. Im the BIG 18 now :-)! For my birthday I had a rose and your name tattooed on me Ian bought it. Billy has cancer now. He also got married to Misty. Ask God to let him live and not take another great life away. Keep his safe Ryan.

I miss you sooooo much...Like Autumn said you think the pain would ease through the years but the more years that go by it gets easier knowing your not comming back but so much harder to keep living without you.Its like each passing day I want you back more. Im glad you come to see me in my dreams alot its like the whole time Ive been here you have been in my dream. Thanks. I hope you still think of me as your baby sister. I would never want that to change. I went to the city today to St. Patricks Cathedral And lit a bunch of candles for you. I remember you telling me how much you found peace there so I figured that would be the best place for me to go while I was here. I took pictures so Ill put them next to you when they are developed. Im all grown up but still as short as I was when you passed away from us. Well Ryan Im about to go out for a little never forget me please....THATS THE ONLY THING IM SCARED ABOUT...you not remembering me when I get up there!!!!

~~~~For everyone who is keeping up with this THANKX dont let MY RYAN be forgotten. Jeremy & Tabatha I personally dont remember you but thanks for writting...Jeremy I hope your doing good in Iraq.Jessica hope to see you one day.....And Autumn my love I love you...Never stop writting!!!

With all my heart Ryan I Love you!

<3<3<3Forever and Always RYAN<3<3<3

Michael Murray

May 10, 2005

Come visit me in my dreams man, I really could use your advice here lately. I saw Ben, and your Aunt Michelle recently, and they seem to be doing well. Love ya bro, later.

Autumn Paciorek

May 9, 2005

Well, I'm here. I've been training for the last week and I really genuinely love it. I am so excited to be learning so much about something that I really enjoy doing. I feel like this could be the thing for me- my niche'. lol.

I got a new car (finally) ... I know you never saw my Saturn, but it was about to fall out- I'm very relieved that I don't have to worry about that stuff anymore. I got an '03 Galant- It's the nicest car that I've ever had. I'm not that excited because it's not really what I wanted- but at the same time I'm very greatful. I'm gonna be paying on it for what seems like the rest of my life :)

I wish that you were here to experience this new me Ry- I really do.

Fiely, Katie, Ian, and Mac- I miss you guys. Call me sometime.. until then you'll be in my thoughts.

**Miss and Love you BIGGER THAN THE WORLD**

Autumn Paciorek

April 26, 2005

hi there buddy :)

i'm leaving saturday. i'm scared/excited/intimidated/thrilled

i feel as if i were sybil! mmmmmmm.... i wish you were here. i'd make you come to ga with me for the first couple days so i wouldn't be all by myself! i guess it's better that i don't know anyone up there- i can focus on work and saving money(well, trying to save money-- i got a new car and boy is it expensive!). this is gonna be the first job that i've ever been sooooo excited about. and to think that this is just the beginning.

i'm starting my 5 yr plan... i'm gonna start at this company and train for 6 months... after 8-9 months i'm gonna try to get an internship at a hip-hop magazine based out of atlanta doing photography there... then from there- straight to the top(hopefully)!!! I'm so EXCITED and i really hope that all works out as it is supposed to ...

I miss you and i love you... bigger than the world-

sweet dreams my angel

Autumn Paciorek

April 12, 2005

Wow... How old would you have been this year?? Like 40, right? Lol. I miss you so much and every time your birthday comes along it pinches my heart. It just kills me to know that You could be here, would be here, you know?

Well Ryan, I've got great news! I got a phone call Sat. Morning from Prestige Photography in Atlanta. They wanted me to come in for an interview yesterday at 2:00. I was so nervous... the 6 hr drive there didn't help.. I had soo much time to think about it! But when I got there and went in to talk about it I became so passionate Ryan- you know how I always have been about photography. He chose me for the position- I will be fully trained in professional photography, while being paid to learn! I am so excited Ry. I honestly feel that this is the best opportunity that has ever come to me. This means my 5 yr plan is gonna work out(I'm gonna be financially and emotionally comfortable in 5 yrs). I feel so blessed, so lucky. How many people actually have an opportunity like this? Gosh... I start May 2nd.. that's 3 weeks away. You'd think that I'd be nervous, but I'm not. I mean, yeah I'm leaving everything and everyone that I know to go somewhere that I know nobody... to be alone... But this is my dream Ry. I really wish that you could have felt this feeling that I'm feeling. It's such a rush - gosh- it's freeing. To know that I'm gonna be able to do something that I absolutely love doing while being paid for it... Wow... I'm so grateful right now. Stressed, but grateful.

Ryan- now that I know the feeling of fullfilment I'm really sad that you never felt this. I wish that I could bring you back to just know the feeling. I feel as though I can do anything I set my mind to Ry- and honestly I've never felt like this. Maybe you have felt it, I don't know. But if you haven't, I hope that HE will let you feel it just once.

I love you

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Jeremy Simms

April 6, 2005

wow its been a long time since i have heard your name and now a time that i would never expect to hear it comes over me yet so suddle its a shame u had to leave this place we where good friends it was you who taught me how to skate a lot has changed since those times im grown up now i joined the marine corp right now im in al asad air base in iraq fighting for our countries freedom against terrorist you will always be remebered and to ian and katie and the rest of the family thank you for giving me the chance to put my entry in this book

Tabatha Simms

April 5, 2005

Hey Ryan~ Boy, its really hard to write this. I have kept you in my heart all these years and there you will remain. I am not good at saying how I feel but I can say that I love you and miss you! I pray that your family keeps their chin up and know that we will all meet you in our dreams and at the pearly gate. You were always a good friend to me and my brother Jeremy.

Jeremy sends his love from Iraq! I keep your pic on my desk to remind me that we can't take life for granted.

Till we meet again... Love you!

Rhonda Cavalcante

April 2, 2005

Ryan, I miss you so much that it's unbearable at times. Your picture is everywhere in our house and you will always be in our hearts. Dana looks at the brightest star at night and says "Mommy, there's Ryan." I know you are at peace, and for that I'm glad. It's we who remain here with broken hearts that are suffering. God bless you, Ryan.

Love, Aunt Rhonda

Autumn

March 31, 2005

Hey Ryan... I've been trying to write in here, but for some reason they don't show up. It's cool though, I know you're watchin from up on cloud nine and you know I've been thinkin of you :)

Last time I wrote I was on the verge of tears. I really thought that as time passed the pain would ease. Boy was I wrong. I feel that with each day that passes my longing for you grows... to just be able to hear your voice, see your face- your smile. Your laugh... gosh I miss that laugh. I wish that I had recorded it... then I could've listened to it whenever I wanted. I could listen to it right now:) It would make me feel better- it always did.

I really miss talking to you. I remember when we used to sit and talk on the phone for hours every night... lol, and when your mom made you give her the phone so that she could tell me that you liked me... I could HEAR that you were blushing when you got back on the phone! You were always logical and mature, always giving good advice. Making me laugh when I was sad... I remember the last time we hung out before I went back to NC... what a ball:) When we got back to Vickie's house you guys were fightin over your air mattress... lol. Good times Ryan. And to think at that point I thought that you'd always be there. I really took your presence for granted and for that I apologize. If I only knew... if there was just some way to foretell... ya know?

But off the sad stuff. I'm gonna be going to school soon. I'm going for Photography and Graphic Design... I've decided that I really need to do something with myself. I don't want to be living paycheck to paycheck when I'm 65.. not even when I'm 35!! So I'm gonna get rich :c) I figure, there's a lot of people out there that were taken away before they even got a chance to really live, so I'm gonna do it for them... for you.

Let your mom know how much I miss her and your family. I really hate that they moved so far away. I want to be able to visit.. Maybe when I get a more reliable car I'll make a special trip to say Hi.

Until tonight... I love you. I hope you're taking care of yourself up there. Hopefully I'll see you in my sleep..

XOxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoXO

Jessica Denman

February 26, 2005

Ryan,

I Miss You Ryan very much I have a boyfriend now and his name is Shane some of the things he says to me he reminds me of you cause you used to say the same things to me. It is like you are inside him talking to me. I Love You Ryan and I will meet with you one day.

Come see me in my dreams. I love you.

Jessica

Jessica Denman

December 22, 2004

Ryan,

Hey whats up? not to much here I haven't wrote to you in a while I just wanted to let you know I miss you and I think about you all the time I miss you and your family. I Love You and I know you are looking down on all of us and keeping us safe. I will write more later I lovw you.

Jessica

Michael Murray

October 6, 2004

It's been 2 years since you were taken from us. It's still hard to believe. So hard to believe that Katie had to remind me what day it was today. I always want to think that you're still here, like what Katie wrote down below. Me and Katie both agreed that you visit us in our dreams, and give us advice, and make us feel better and are there when we need you the most. Although it's not as good as you actually physically being here, until we meet again one day my Friend, I will settle for dreams.

Katie McCarthy

August 1, 2004

Hey Ryan....

How is everything going?I hope well.Everything here is okay!I have a job with Ian which makes work a little better.I've been thinking about you alot.It's killing me Ryan you not being here!I need you so much.I'm up crying thinking about you at 4 in the morning.I wanna be able to call your cell phone and you answer.Im about to graduate and I want you to see me walk.My senior prom is comming up and you wont see how pretty I look or who I'll be going with.Alot of things are happening and I dont have the person I need.No one knows how I feel right now...and when I cry I think they think Im faking!But Ryan I hope you know my tears are real!! I cant stand you not being here...I cant stand not knowing what happened that night.And I hate myself for not being able to say what I wanted...Ryan I never meant those things I said when we faught I want you to know that cause I cant tell you in person.I wish there were an email address to heaven where we could write to each other or I wish you could let me know how things are and tell me your still here!I dont think Ill ever be okay with you being gone I just want to turn back time and tell you to come home instead of the next morning...you would be okay than! Well I miss you Ryan and Ill never stop thinking about you or loving you!!!!

Forever your baby sister

Katie

Ian McCarthy

July 14, 2004

Ryan,

It has been a while since ive had the chance to write in here. Alot of thing's have been going on but nothing bad. Ive been working hard and alot lately trying to get my thing's and priorities together. Got another tattoo and plan on getting more but not sure when. Ive been thinking alot about you lately and wish that you could be here to be able to enjoy the thing's that im enjoying. You would love it!!!! I dropped out of school as im sure youre aware, but plan on going to college. Thing's that ive went through and failing other thing's, I just couldnt handle another year of school! I love and miss you so much and wish you could be here to enjoy all the wonderful thing's that I am enjoying but im sure it's way better there than here.

Love, Ian " Always In My Heart Ryan "

Viatoria Elizabeth Solis

May 2, 2004

Ryan mi amor por vida, I miss you baby, it's bad!!! But I know that you've been watching some of the crazy things that I've been getting into, well all of that is going to be put to an end. I'm joining tha MARINES!!! (Yeah i see you over there with that joka smile)I do what I do but I keep it real. Anyhow I feel like not anyone else could ever replace the type of friendship that we had, and will have in prosperity!!!! I've learned alot since I was 15 yrs, and I now know not to keep the real way that I feel for some one all bottled up!I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU YO, AND I STILL TALK ABOUT YOU 24/7 WITH JACKIE!*TE AMO MI REY SIEMPRE*

MAD LOVE (LOCA)

Katie McCarthy

May 1, 2004

Hey Ryan

It is me again...I wanted to write this poem in here for everyone to read!!!

If I knew it would of been the last time that I saw you fall asleep,

I would of tucked you in more tightly and prayed the Lord your soul to keep.

If I knew it would of been the last time that I saw you walk out that door,

I would have given you a hug and kiss and called you back for just one more.

If I knew it would of been the last time that I heard your voice lifted in praise,

I would of video taped each action and word so I could play it back day after day.

If I knew it would of been the last time I could of spared an extra minute or two,

To stop and say "I love you" instead of assuming you knew I did.

If I knew it would of been the last time I would of been there to share your day,

Well I was sure you'd have so many more so I let just that one slip away.

For surely I thought there was always tomorrow to make up for an over sight,

And always a second chance to make everything right.

I always thought there would be another day to say my "I Love You's",

And certainly another chance to say my "Anything I Can Do's".

But I was wrong,

And that day was all I got,

So I'd like to say now before it gets anylater,

How much I Love You and hope you never forget!!!

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone young or old alike,

And today maybe the last chance you get to hold your loved ones tight.

So if your waiting for tomorrow,

Why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes..take it from me,you'll surley regret that day...

That you didn't take that extra time for a smile a hug or a kiss,

And you were to busy to grant someone what may of turned out to be their one last wish!

So hold your loved ones close today,

Whisper in their ear,

Tell them that you love them

And that you'll always hold them dear!

Take that time to say "I'm sorry,Please forgive me,Thank You or It's okay",

And if tomorrow never comes,

You'll have no regrets about that day they slipped away!!!

This poem is for everyone...Im pretty sure most of us feel this way I know I do!Love you Ryan!!!!

KATIE MCCARTHY

May 1, 2004

~~~~~RYAN~~~~~

HEY RY...I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY AND TELL YOU THAT IM REALLY MISSING YOU LATELY!I NEED YOU HERE BUT CANT HAVE YOU HERE....AND THATS THE HARDEST THING EVER!!!THAN WE HAVE PEOPLE MAKING IT HARDER FOR ME AND IAN LIKE THE TEACHERS AND STUFF AT SCHOOL WHO DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WE ARE SO UPSET AND WHY WE DONT FEEL LIKE WAKING UP EVERYMORNING...THEY THINK THEY KNOW BUT NO ONE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW ME AND IAN FEEL!EVERYDAY IT GETS HARDER TO WAKEUP WITHOUT YOU STANDING OVER ME OR WAKING UP TO YOUR VOICE!THE PAIN IS WAY TO REAL TO THINK IT IS FAKE AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOUR GONE I STILL FEEL LIKE YOUR GONNA COME BACK ONEDAY....SOMETIMES I THINK OF THAT NIGHT AND WISH I WOULD OF TOLD YOU TO COME HOME THAN I WOULDNT OF LOST YOU!!!EVERYDAY I WAKEUP I THINK OF HOW COMES AND HOW COULD I OF'S!IT REALLY DOES HURT RYAN I CANT STAND YOU NOT BEING HERE FOR ME WHEN I NEED A TRUE FRIEND I CANT STAND THAT YOUR GONE AND I CANT SEE YOUR FACE....I KNOW I DIDNT WRITE YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY SO I AM TELLING YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOW...I LOVE YOU RYAN MORE THAN LIFE AND SOONER OR LATER I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN!!

YOUR BABY SISTER

KATIE

Ian McCarthy

March 1, 2004

My dearest brother Ryan,

I sit awake at night wondering why this had to happen. I fell that this is all messed up and wish it were me instead of you. I wish I were there to go down with you. Just to help if I could have. My heart cry's from all the pain, nobody hear's... it's hard to explain. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore than they're hurt, that's why I am staying strong for all those who are less strong than me. Im the "heart" of the family like you were before you were killed. I am learing a lot of what not to do, I think I've changed for the better just like you. Wishing that you could be here to see another day, I would give anything to change that somber day. I want you to know I LOVE YOU RYAN! There's not a day I don't think of you nor pray for you and the family. Please let the family here know Ryan that everything will be okay. Lots of kisses and hug's!!! Miss ya and it's killin me!!!

LuV aLwAy'S, iAn

Autumn Paciorek

February 27, 2004

Ry*~*~*

They always say the brightest burn out the fastest, I didn't believe it till all this happened. You WERE the brightest star in the sky... now you're watchin ova all of us. I'm happy to know that someone as special as you may be watchin me right now, but at the same time I'd give anything to have you back here. Your advise was always smart and logical... you were extremely smart and mature for your age... you were everything anyone could ever look for in someone- ALL IN ONE PACKAGE!!! Every day I think of you Ryan~~~ Please don't question my love for you. I'll never forget you...

YOUR FOOTPRINT WILL FOREVER STAY IN MY HEART!!!

I love you .... ~muah~

Autumn ~n~ Vickie

February 27, 2004

Hey sweetheart... what are you doin? Probley sittin up on a white fluffy cloud just watchin us, shakin ya head and laughin!!! LOL!! We miss you sooooo very much. We remember whenever we all first started chillin togetha... when Autumn wanted ta steal ya socks... and when Vickie got mad cause Autumn was crushin on you!!! LOL.. good times. We wish you were here to chill with us some more, to make more memories... stories to tell the grandkids!!! There isn't a day that passes that we don't think of you- a night that we sleep without dreaming of you.

We Love You more than you'll ever know....

Jacqueline Solis

February 26, 2004

HEY RYAN ITS VICTORIA SISTER AND WE'VE BOTH BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALOT BECAUSE ALOT OF THE THINGS WE DO OR BRING UP FROM THE PAST, ALWAYS REMINDS OF YOU AND OUR MEMORIES. LIKE THAT TIME I DIDN'T HAVE MY LICENSE AND I RAN THAT RED LIGHT AND GOT PULLED OVER. YOU TALKED TO THAT OFFICER AND SHE MADE YOU DRIVE US BACK TO MARION OAKS. WE HAD SOME CRAZY TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK RYAN ILL WRITE YOU SOON KNOW THAT I KNOW HOW TO SIGN YOUR GUEST BOOK (WE MISS YOU)

Victoria S

January 4, 2004

~~~***RYAN***~~~

Hey hun its 2004. Wish you were here with us. We all miss you so much. But we're all stayin strong. Not moarning a death but celebrating your LIFE. Love you Ryan!!! See ya soon but not to soon.

Happy New Year

RYAN A.K.A. Baby Blue Eyes

Love always

B

Ian McCarthy

December 22, 2003

Hey Ryan,

Im just writing you to let you know how everything is going here. Things are getting a little better as days go by but never will be the same without you. Christmas is just 3 days away and its the second one without you and im very upset about that. I know that youre in a way better place than here on earth. I wish you could be here with us, I turned 18 about a week ago and went and got a tattoo in memory of you! Since this all happened to you I have not really been in any trouble at all, as matter of fact I think I changed for the better. I am doing better in school and im supposed to graduate sometime in May on 03'. Wish you could be here for that but I know in my heart you will be there for it. Things just arent the same without you, not being able to see you, not being able to hang out with you, just not being able to know youre safe and living. I hate all this crap that people can kill without no heart and no thought to the family of the victims family. I know though that I will see you again in a way better place than this hell on earth, in heaven!! I love you so much and will never let those good memories that we had together fade away.

Love always and forever,

Your Lil Big Brother Ian

brandy blum

December 22, 2003

hey i know you dont know me, but i met your brother online and he told me all about you. i am so sorry for what happened. i just want you to also know that from what i hear you are very missed by freinds and family. once again i am so sorry that this had to happen to you.

Mikey Murray

December 19, 2003

Christmas just doesn't feel right again this year, wish you were here to celebrate it with us.

Miss you every day Ryan, every day.

KATIE MCCARTHY

October 31, 2003

#####***RYAN***#####

HOW RYAN! I WAS JUST WRITING YOU TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND I AM MISSING YOU MORE AND MORE EVERYDAY! IT IS STARTING TO REALLY BOTHER ME....NOT THAT IT DIDNT BEFORE BUT NOW IT IS WORSE! I WAS ABLE TO HOLD BACK ALL MY TEARS AND SADNESS SO NO ONE COULD SEE IT BUT NOW IT IS EATING ME APART! I CANT STAND JUST SITTING AROUND KNOWING IM NOT DOING ANYTHING IMPORTANT THAT COULD REALLY HELP YOU OUT! I JUST WISH YOU COULD COME VISIT WITH ME TO LET ME KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED CAUSE THATS WHAT IS TEARING ME APART! SITTING HERE NOT KNOWING WHY YOU ARE DEAD!

BUT I LOVE YOU AND IM KEEPING YOU ALIVE THROUGH ME....AND KEEPING THE MEMORIES STRONG!

GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS....YOU KNOW!!!

HAPPY HOLLOWEEN!!!!YOU REMEMBER A COUPLE YEARS AGO IN STEEPLECHASE HOW I WENT DRESSED UP LIKE YOU AND ALL YOUR BUDDIES THOUGHT I WAS YOU?

THAT WAS SO FUNNY....OR THE YEAR YOU WENT WITH IAN AND JOEL AND IAN WAS JOELS GIRL AND JOEL WAS A FARMER OR SOMETHING?I HOPE YOU STILL REMEMBER ALL THOSE THINGS!!!

WELL HEY IM GONNA GO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU EVERY BIT OF MY HEART!!!!FOREVER AND ALWAYS YOULL BE IN MY HEART!!

LOVE YOUR BABY SIS

Victoria Sutherland

October 9, 2003

It's been a year and four days and I still can't believe that your not coming back. No more smiles, no more of you picking on me because I'm shorter than you. I hate this that I can't give you a hug and i can't tell you how I really felt about you. But I know some how that you already knew. I feel you around me all the time. I know that your with everyone that you love or held dear to your heart watching over them making sure that nothing goes wrong or nothing bad happens. For the one year anniversary Me, Mike, and Autumn we went to busch gardens we havent really gone anywhere. But that day all me and autumn talked about was you and how we missed you so much. But we know that your up there wit the big doggs kickin it back and waitin for everyone to join you someday. WE ALL MISS AND LOVE RYAN...we miss that smile your laugh and those big blue eyes of yours we miss everything about you. How you could make people laugh when they were sad. And we all thank you for it. You would light up the world with just you presences. You were man with a heart of gold and that was precious to everyone. We Love you and we will never forget you.

~~*R*Y*A*N*~~

lUV ALWAYS

VICKIE

Mikey Murray

October 7, 2003

A year and two day's since you've been gone, so hard to believe.

We miss you man, we miss you alot.

KATIE MCCARTHY

October 4, 2003

~~~~~~~~~~*R*~*Y*~*A*~*N*~~~~~~~~~~ ~

HEY SWEETIE.....I JUST WANTED TO WRITE TO YOU TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU ALOT!TOMORROW WILL BE ONE YEAR AND THE ONLY THING I KEEP THINKING ABOUT IS WHAT WE WOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW IF YOU WERE HERE!IT IS HURTING ME ALOT... BUT I JUST CANT STOP THINKING THAT YOUR COMMING BACK THAT YOU JUST WENT ON VACATION FOR A LITTLE WHILE!

BUT I KNOW YOUR NOT....THAT TEARS ME UP CAUSE I WISH YOU WOULD COME BACK!JUST TO PLAY AROUND AND LET ME KNOW IT IS ALL OKAY!SOMETIMES I HAVE DREAMS WHERE YO TELL ME YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN BUT THAN I WAKE UP AND YOUR NO WHERE AROUND!!

IM NOT SAYING ANYTHING LIKE HAPPY ANNIVERSARY...CAUSE IM SO NOT HAPPY!

ALL WE DID THIS LAST FRIDAY IS TALK ABOUT YOU IN MY CLASSES AND SO MANY PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU THAT DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU...SO MANY PEOPLE ARE SUPPORTING YOU AND US TRYING TO DO ALL THEY CAN TO GET THEM PEOPLE IN JAIL!I DIDNT KNOW THERE WERE NICER PEOPLE HERE!I THOUGHT SINCE WE MOVED TO THIS PLACE EVERYONE WOULD BE UNKIND BUT SOME PEOPLE REALLY DO CARE!

~~~WELL HEY I LOVE YOU AND WITH TIME MY PAIN ISNT GOING AWAY LIKE EVERYONE SAYS....IT IS JUST THE SAME OR GETTING WORSE!I HATE WAKING UP AND NOT SEEING YOUR FACE I HATE COMMING HOME FROM SCHOOL AND YOU NOT BEING THERE TO TALK TOO ABOUT MY DAY...AND MOST OF ALL I HATE YOU NOT WAKING ME UP AT LIKE 3 AM AND COOKING FOOD FOR US..AND US JUST SITTING UP TALKING AND HAVING FUN!I MISS YOU RYAN I CANT STAND YOU BEING AWAY FROM US!!!

BUT I AM GOING NOW I AM TO UPSET TO WRITE ANYMORE!

REMEMBER EVERYONE LOVES AND MISSES YOU....ILL BE SEEING YOU AROUND ONE DAY

I LOVE YOU

YOUR BABY SIS

~~~KATIE~~~

Ian McCarthy

October 4, 2003

I cant believe its been one year!!It feels like it was just yesterday that my family and I recieved that sad news about Ryan!!!Im staying strong and trying to move on,but still saddened by the loss!!!Hopefully,things will get better for my family and I and we will be able to find some comfort in this tragic loss!!!I want to thank everybody for all of their support for my family and I and hope that you will continue to keep my family and I in your thoughts and prayers through these troubling times!!!

Mikey Murray

September 27, 2003

Ryan.. it's almost been a year.. and it's still hard to get over. Just want you to know I still miss you and love you bro, and that you'll always be in my mind.

Mikey

KATIE MCCARTHY

September 11, 2003

~~~~~~~~~~~~~*R*Y*A*N*~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HEY RY!THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I HAD LEFT TO SAY TO YOU...I REGRET NOT SAYING THEM WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE...I WISH I COULD JUST LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I TRUELY LOVE YOU AND HOW MUCH YOU MEANT TO MY LIFE.WE HAD SO MANY GOOD TIMES THAT I NEVER TOOK FOR GRANTED AND NEITHER DID YOU....WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER WE WERE UNTOUCHABLE....NO ONE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL... EXACTLY ALL THE PAIN I HAVE.I HAVE SO MANY REGRETS AND SO MANY I WISH I COULD OFS!I KNOW EVERYONE DOES BUT I DONT THINK THEY CAN FEEL AS BAD AS ME.IF ONLY WHEN YOU ASKED ME IF I WANTED YOU TO COME HOME THAT NIGHT I WOULD OF SAID YES INSTEAD OF LETTING YOU DO YOUR THING...THEN NOTHING WOULD OF HAPPENED TO YOU THAT TRAGIC NIGHT OF OCTOBER 5,2002!I SO WISH THAT I COULD OF BEEN THERE TO HOLD YOUR HAND THREW THAT TRAGIC NIGHT!

EVERYDAY THAT PASSES I FEEL WORSE THAT I AM STILL HERE AND YOUR NOT HAVING THE CHANCE TO TASTE A BIT MORE OF LIFE ENOUGHT TO MAKE YOU THE HAPPIEST PERSON!BUT I WILL FOR~ FILL ALL YOUR DREAMS YOU HAD FOR ME AND SOME YOU HAD FOR YOURSELF!I WILL KEEP YOU ALIVE THROUGH THE KIDS I HAVE IN THE FUTURE AND EVEN NOW BY HAVING EVERYONE WHO NEW YOU AND DIDNT REMEMBER YOUR NAME AND FACE!

I DO MISS YOU!ALOT MORE THAN I COULD EVER DESCRIBE!

JUST MAKE ME ONE PROMISE WHEN I GRADUATE BE THERE...WHEN I GET MARRIED BE THERE....AND WHEN I HAVE A LITTLE BABY BOY BE THERE....(IM GONNA NAME HIM RYAN)AND TELL HIM A BUNCH OF STORIES ABOUT HOW HIS UNCLE RYAN TOUCHED EVERYONES LIVES...AND HOW HIS UNCLE RYAN IS AN ANGEL ALWAYS LOOKING OVER US TO TAKE CARE OF US!

YOU ARE AN ANGEL IN MY EYES YOU WERE ONE TO ME HERE ON EARTH SO THERE IS NO OTHER WAY I CAN THINK OF YOU(IM SORRY TO THE PEOPLE WHO READ THIS AND DONT BELIEVE THE THINGS I DO)!BUT YOU ARE KEPT ALIVE RYAN IN MY EYES AND EVERYONE THAT KNEW YOU!YOU DID TOUCH EVERYONE LIVES AND WE ARE SO GREATFUL THAT WE HAD THE CHANCE OF YOU IN OUR LIVES!

ALOT OF TIME I GET FROM PEOPLE THE QUESTION "HOW COME YOU DONT CRY"!I DONT EVER KNOW WHAT TO TELL THEM!SO I SAY WHAT IS MOSTLY TRUE I TELL THEM "CAUSE IF I CRY I DONT KNOW IF I AM HURTING MY BROTHER CAUSE HE CANT BE HERE TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER"!FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT ME AND MY FAMILY DONT CARE CAUSE WE DONT CRY.....YOU HAVE NOIDEA THE PAIN WE ARE GOING THREW AND WE DO CRY JUST NOT ALWAYS OUT IN PUBLIC!

RYAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT IM GONNA GO!ILL BE SPEAKING TO YOU SOON!

LOVE ALWAYS

YOUR BABY SIS.

KATIE

Ian McCarthy

August 30, 2003

Hey,im just writing to all of the people that knew Ryan and asking that they will write on $1 bills;"justice for Ryan McCarthy"and the date he was born to the date he died!!!!My family and I would appericiate that.Thank You!! Ian McCarthy

KATIE MCCARTHY

August 17, 2003

HEY RYAN~~~~~

HOW ARE YOU DOING?ME IM DOING ALRIGHT!IM STILL HURTING ALOT I REALLY MISS YOU RYAN!EVERYDAY THAT PASSES IT HITS ME MORE AND MORE THAT YOUR NOT COMMING BACK AND LATELY IM NOT ABLE TO DEAL WITH THAT! I DONT KNOW IF IS SELFISH OF ME BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING I WANT YOU TO COME HOME TO ME!EVERYONE MISSES YOU NOT ONLY ME.BUT RIGHT NOW I CANT DEAL WITH EVERYTHING.IT IS REALLY STARTING TO HURT ME NOW! IM SORRY FOR CRYING I KNOW YOU PROBABLY DONT WANT ME TO BUT I MISS THE TIGHT RELATIONSHIP WE HAD!I MISS YOU MESSING WITH MY FRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS!I JUST PLAINLY MISS YOU!

I HAVE BEEN THINKING ALOT ABOUT YOU RYAN...AND I HAVE BEEN CRYING ALOT!

I TALK TO MYLES ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.I WISH I COULD OF BEEN THERE WITH YOU AS YOU TOOK YOUR LAST BREATHE JUST TO HOLD YOUR HAND AND LET YOU KNOW EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY AND THAT I LOVE YOU.BUT THAT DIDNT HAPPEN AND I REGRET NOT BEING THERE SO MUCH.IT TARES ME UP

KNOWING I COULDNT OF HELPED YOU.

RYAN YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME AS IS IAN,BEN AND NICKI!I LOOKED UP TO YOU SO MUCH.I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE JUST LIKE YOU!I LOVED HANGING AROUND YOU EVERYTIME I DID!AND I LOVED THE CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WE HAD, I FEEL I WAS LUCKY BECAUSE MOST BIG BROTHERS DONT GET ALONG WITH BABY SISTERS...BUT YOU AND ME ALWAYS GOT ALONG!EXCEPT FOR THE LITTLE/STUPID ARGUEMENTS THAT WE HAD.

IM SORRY IF I EVER SAID OR DID ANYTHING TO HURT YOU RYAN I NEVER MEANT TO!I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT EVERYDAY THAT GOES BY I MISS YOU MORE & MORE I FEEL SO HELPLESS WITHOUT YOU HERE!IT IS GOING TO VERY HARD ON ME WITH THE TRIAL AND SCHOOL BUT I HAVE PEOPLE THERE FOR ME TO TRY AND MAKE IT EASIER FOR ME!

IVE BEEN KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH AUTUMN AND SHE HAS HELPED ME GROW ALOT I SEE WHY YOU LIKED HER SO MUCH!I SEE HER AS A SISTER NOW WE ARE REAL CLOSE!SHE MADE ME CRY THE OTHER DAY SHE SENT ME THIS SURVEY THING TO SEE HOW WELL I KNOW HER AND I FILLED IT OUT BUT THEN SHE FILLED IT OUT AND SENT IT TO ME!THERE WAS THIS ONE QUESTION THAT ASKED IF YOU COULD GIVE ME ANYTHING WHAT WOULD IT BE...AND SHE PUT REALLY BIG RYAN!I WISH YOU WOULD OR COULD COME BACK IT WOULD SO GREAT AND IT WOULD TAKE AWAY EVERYONES PAIN!

WELL HEY HUN...IM ABOUT TO GO AND ILL WRITE TO YOU LATER I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OO

VERY MUCH!TRY TO GET INTOUCH IF THERE IS SUCH A THING WELL REMEMBER HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU YOU WILL NEVER SLIP MY MIND!

LOVE YOU HUN!

LOVE ALWAYS~~~

YOUR BABY SISTER

KATIE

Autumn Paciorek

August 13, 2003

Hey baby boy... How are things going up there? Hopefully all is well. I miss you more and more with each passing day.

Well, I've been talking to Katie and Ian a lot again. They are so great to talk to. I know that they're still going through a lot trying to deal with all that happened, and I praise them for being able to deal with it. I know how close you guys were (despite the arguing, which is normal for brothers/sisters). I send them all my luv.

I wish that I could talk to you one more time. Just catch up and bullshit like we always did, that's why I cared about you so much.

You were always there to comfort me when things got rough. You won't find too many people that are willing to help you through things, most are more than ready to kick you when you're down. But nah, not you. You could make me smile when I was feeling my saddest, you lit up the room ryan. No- YOU LIT UP THE WORLD.

The light is starting to come back, which means you've got to be smiling again. It settles me to know that you are happy again, in a better place. And although it may sound greedy, sometimes I want you back more than anything in this world. I wouldn't wait this time Ry. For I've realized that there is not enough time to say all that needs to be said as is, if you wait you'll miss your chance surely.

As I was reading the paper the other day, I came across the obiruaries section. I decided to read it, and I saw that a 20 yr old young man had died. It really hurts me to see that so many people do not get a chance to live their lives to the fullest. I hate that... 20yrs in this world is nothing. We've got people outliving that times 5! If I could change anything about the world, I would give everyone a fair chance. Enough time to really taste life in all of it's flavors.

I sent Katie a survey (about how well she knew me) online, and when she sent it back it brought a smile to my face. She said that she felt she and I are best friends/sisters. I'm so happy that she and I have become so tight, cause I love your entire family as much as I love you. As I was reading on, It asked if she thought I was going to get married and if so, who she thought I would marry. She replied" I don't know... you were supposed to marry Ryan..." It really brought tears to my eyes.

I now know the value of time, and i'll never waste it again. It's a shame that sometimes you have to learn things like that through experience... I now wish I had understood before.

Well, I love you Ry. I really hope that you're happy up there. Someday soon sweetie, someday soon........

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX OXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Jessica Denman

August 13, 2003

Hey Ryan this is Jessica I miss you so much I wish you were here. So we could spend more time together. And I wish things would have worked out for you and I. I moved away and we went are seperate ways. And I moved back and you were no longer here I never got to tell you how much you ment to me Ryan I Love You and I wish we were still togethar. I will write to you later Love you.

Love you Always Jessica

Vickie

July 20, 2003

Whats up Suga,

Guess what I'm finally 17...yea to bad it's not 18 then I can go to the clubs legally...LOL. Oh god how I miss you. Oh I had a dream that you and me were on a beach just chillin, walkin and lookin at the stars we didn't say anything though we were both just so content by just chillin with each other. When I woke up I was in tears because I knew it was just a dream but I didn't want it to end at all. But now that I think more and more about that the bigger the smile is on my face because I know that your someplace that is much more beautiful then beaches in Hawaii. Your up there in heaven lookin down at all of us taking care of everyone. Your friends your family. And that's what I see, you with a big smile on your face waiting for us to join you up there(when our time comes) with the BIG man. I miss you baby blue eyes and I love you so much too. I just wish I had a chance to tell you how I really felt about you since we both lived in steeplchase. I remember when I first laid eyes on you, you were at the bus stop. Me and Emily Robinson were comin out of steeplechase and you just looked at us driving by and Emily told me who you were that you went to forest with her and had all the same classes, and then when I moved in with my family and I first talked to you I was so happy to have you talk to me. Then we started chillin more and more and I can admitt that I really started to like you alot. Then we started bein best friends. And when things went bad you were there to put a smile on my face and make me laugh. And you were also there to put me in check when I didn't want to listen. You were a great friend Ryan the greatest friend that anyone could ever have. You were a tru friend and I will tell my children about the wonderful man I met when I was 13 years old and how much you meant to me. Baby Blue Eyes I love you more than words can ever say. I miss you more than I miss anything and I really wish you were here it's still so hard to wake up and know that your gone and your not comin back. That you won't be callin me and seein what I'm up to what I'm doing. I miss that so much. I miss alot of things about you. I wish you were here to talk to also. You always had that great advice to give to me. And I thank you for that. I thank you for being a friend to me. In time I will heal but not fully. There was a big place for you in my heart and that could only be filled with you and your smile.

Thank you Ryan,

(Baby Blue Eyes)

***I love You***Kisses and hugs

Your Gurl 4 ever

Vickie <3<3<3

Vickie Sutherland

May 29, 2003

Yo whats up Dawg how you hangin up there wit tha big boyz...Good I hope. My birthday is in 2 weeks wish you were here to celebrate with me it sucks your not though I miss so much words can not express how much you meant to me baby blue eyes. For my birthday I'm goin to light a candle for you even though your not goin to be there in tha flesh but you will be there in spirit. I talked to Al yesterday he misses you too. I want you back but I'll see you again soon tell carlos what up for me iight.

I LOVE YOU BABY BLUE EYES DON'T EVER FORGET THAT!!!!

Love always

Your gurl for lyfe

***Vickie***

Mikey Murray

April 29, 2003

Ryan.. remember that poem I put here in the guestbook awhile back? Well, I just gotta post it again.

We were ready for anything

We were ready for anything

And everyone know's some pain

I see the loss everytime say's your name

When you know someone who shines hard

A soul of the age who doesn't care just who you are

We had a friend, a brother who was everything

But he had to go away, and that was yesterday

I've lost a lot of people in my time

The good the bad the un-real and the ones who shined

So I know you all understand

When I say until the day he left

We were ready for anything

We were ready for anything.. But this

You are not gone

We keep you, here inside us

You are not gone

We know your, still beside us

You are not gone

We have this, LIGHT YOU GAVE TO US

I just can't believe it, or deal with it, or come to terms with it. Your not gone, your HERE, inside us all. Inside our Hearts, our Minds, our Souls.

Thank You for watching over me, Your my Angel from Heaven for sure.

I Love You Friend, Brother.

Vickie

April 25, 2003

Hey Cutie,what's up....How's it goin up there wit Carlos n stuff hope u guys r havin fun. Anyways sorry I could have sworn that ur birthday was on tha 19th o april but I guess I didnt hear u right, not to also mention u told me when ur b-day was when I was in school wit your brother n that was in middle school...LOL. Wish I could have spent it wit u but I lite a candle for u on it though it was blue to to bad it didnt match ur eye color but it was still blue though...LOL(haha). Well sweetie I miss u tons n i promise to wirte u more I Love U wit all muh heart n I'll see u again someday K.

I'm not goin to say goodbye cause there are no goodbyez just hello'z..hehe...Luv Ya baby blue eyes ttyl.

Love always ***Your Gurl***

Vickie

Ian McCarthy

April 24, 2003

Hey! Just thought I would stop in to say hey Ryan. I'm sorry that I couldn't celebrate your birthday with you on April 9th, we woulda had a buch of fun. We are taking it a day at a time, but all-in-all were doing alright. Well we all send our love to you Ryan.

*YOUR BROTHER*

IAN

<3Autumn

April 18, 2003

I forgot to tell you that I miss you more than words could say... But I know that someday we'll be chillin up in Heaven( "da big H") drinkin some SoCo lookin back on this... talkin about some baby blue and white AND1 socks... Lol. I miss you. I try to focus on celebrating your life, that way I won't cry about your death.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Luv Ya~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Autumn Paciorek

April 18, 2003

Hey there again Ry... How YOU doin? I'm okay i guess. Healing. But there is a hole in my heart... an emptiness that only your smile, your presence could fill. Although you are in heaven I always feel your presence- just not in the physical. I like to think that you're looking over my shoulder (probably shaking your head cause you know I don't always make the best decisions). But as long as I believe that you are right there- just watching over me, it makes things easier.

VICKIE SUTHERLAND

April 17, 2003

WHOOPS!!!! Your birthday is on tha 19th of april oh well muh crazy mistake..hehe...Happy birthday sweetie...write back lataz!!!

Love ya Ryan

Vickie Sutherland

April 17, 2003

Whud up baby blue eyes, how's it goin up stairs wit tha big dawgs, 2-morrow is your birthday your goin to be 20yrs. I know u here all my prayers to u and miss you bunches!!! I Love You so much. Wish u were here wit us, but I know your watchin over all of us. But I'm not goin to say goodbye cause there is no goodbyez cause I feel that your still here with us even though your not here in body but in spirit. I miss you and we'll all see u again soon. Have a wonderful 20th birthday.

***I Love You (baby blue eyes)***

Love always

Vickie S.

Mikey Murray

April 17, 2003

Happy Birthday Ryan! I wish you were here so we could celebrate your birthday. How's it goin' up-stairs with the Big Man? I bet your havin' a good 'ole time dude!

I Love You Ryan, my Friend, my Brother.

Autumn Paciorek

April 16, 2003

Hey sweetheart! You're 20 now! I wish you were here so that we could celebrate your birthday... talk about one hell of a party! We would have fun- as we always did. Remember the first day i met you? I do... Shari, Angel, and I were walking home and you, Erik, and Blue walked up and started talking to us. Then we went to Checkers and got some fries... i'll never forget you. I just wish that I could have one more day with you. I'd tell you how i feel(and let you slap me for not telling you sooner) :) I sure do miss you... I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you on your forehead.. tell you that i care.

I'm not going to say goodbye because there is no good bye.

~~~~I LOVE YOU~~~~

Michael Murray

February 26, 2003

Ryan it's still to this deal un-real and un-thinkable that your gone. It sunk in a long time ago but it's still so hard to believe.

I Love You and Miss You.

All of the friends and family who read this please feel free to email me.

Victoria Sutherland

February 26, 2003

Hey Ryan,

How's heaven treatin u??? I hope good. Hope your havin fun though, sorry that I haven't written in a long time. Sometimes I think around 4:00pm, you would be comin around the side o muh house and walkin up steps. You would always come see me after work just to say what up and to see how me and muh mom and sister were doin. Now I got to realize that u won't be doin that anymore. And you won't be calling me at night just to talk anymore either. I miss you so much baby blue eyes, but I know that your up in heaven waitin for all the people u love with a big smile on your face and those beautiful blue eyes shining brightly.

I Love You Always Sweety and one day we'll meet again in heaven with all the angels too...

Luv always Vickie

Katie Matz

January 9, 2003

Hey Ry.

I just wanted you to know that every one misses you. We all felt a loss in our hearts when you were taken away from us. We all still love you and we know you are in a better place. You will NEVER be forgotten. Love always.

Michael Murray

January 8, 2003

Wow. It's been awhile since I've signed this thing.

Just wanted to tell you I still Miss You Ryan, and that I hope your havin' fun in Heaven!

Mikey

[email protected]

Victoria Sutherland

November 29, 2002

Hey Ryan,

It's almost Christmas wish you were here to spend it with everyone that you love but I know that your watching everyone as we speak and smiling down on everyone. We miss so much you were everyone's joy in life and still are and always will be. I thank you for being such a great friend to me and listening to me I wish that you would have told me all your problems but somethings you would keep secret but that's ok I know you did it cause you cared for me and everyone else. Well anyways I guess I write later since it's late and I got to go to bed and go to work well love always and I miss you and always will Love you RYAN...buh bye for now....

Love always Victoria S.

[email protected] (email)

Morgan Bailey

November 29, 2002

To the McCarthys-

I just wanted to say that I knew Ryan in elementary school and we were good friends then. I haven't seen him since then, but when I heard the news about him, I could not stop crying. Its so amazing how I think about him now and he still has a lasting affect on me. I send my deepest condolences and love to your family and I know we will see him again in a better place.

Autumn Paciorek

November 16, 2002

I know it's been a while since I wrote, I haven't been able to get to a computer since I moved back.

It's so weird being back. I went to Jacksonville with your family the day before yesterday, it was hard for all of us. We were on the news pleading for leads and information. This case being left open leaves an open wound in my heart... I can't stand it. I keep expecting to see you around town- to answer my phone and hear your loving voice on the other end. And although I know it's not going to happen, i honestly wish it would. I'd give anything to have you back with us.

I guess I didn't really believe that you were gone before I got back here. The entire town feels so empty. I thought I saw you yesterday...then I got all depressed cuase it wasn't you. I knew I was being foolish, but you know me. Mike, Vickie, and I all cried together last night. It was good, but under very bad circumstances if ya know what i mean. It was B's 21st birthday- I wish you could've been there. But I couldn't even bring myself to enjoy the time. I know that's bad, but I can't help it.

I'll write more as soon as I can.

Love You

Victoria Sutherland

November 9, 2002

It's one months since Ryan has been gone and it's hard for me as well to believe that it has been one month. Not seeing his face and those big blue eyes again. And that we won't see that smile that would light up the room everytime that he would walk in anywhere. He is and always will be a special person to everyone and even though he's not here to see everyone that he knew and loved dearly grow in life and become what they want to be, his spirit is always around us no matter where we are. In our dreams Ryan will always be their to watch us grow and be happy. For Ryan I love you very much and always will even though everytime I'd see him and I would tell you and even though you couldn't really say it back I know that he loved me and everyone else too so very much. And to his family I remember how much he would talk about you guys to me and it was sweet and caring words that I will never forget. And one day we will see him again with a bright smile on his face.

Michael Murray

November 8, 2002

Until the day we meet again, in my heart is where I keep you friend.

It's hard to deal with you being gone Ryan but I won't ever forget you.

Mikey

[email protected]

Nicki McCarthy (Sissy)

November 5, 2002

Today is the one month anniversary of our Ryan being gone. It still seems unreal. Ryan is a great person. When you think of Ryan you think of courage, kindness,loving, fun. I love him so very much. It seems that everyone that knew him cared alot about him. I am so thankful that I had the benefit of him living with me the last few months of his life. As I read what everyone has written about my little brother my heart swells with sadness. Thank you all for being my brothers friend and caring for him. Thank you for supporting our family at this tragic time. To my family - I love you all and Ryan did too! All of us our wondering why and how?? I would like to put a little thought out there for everyone and maybe it will bring a little relief to some of you. I constantly hear that God needed Ryan. But when you look at Gods attributes or characteristics - love, kindness, peace, justice, mercy is what you see. How could a God like ours take someone away from us in the way that Ryan was taken?? God would not. How could an all powerful God need Ryan more than us?? God does not. God did not take Ryan away. The times we live in are wicked. And Satan is the ruler of this system of things. And sadly unforseen occurences befall us all. So please do not put such a hateful crime on God. Rather turn to God and ask Him to comfort Ryans family and friends. I know I will see Ryan again one day and that is what I hold onto. And I hope all of you will do the same. Ryan will be missed but we do have our memories, love and each other to get through this. Once agian thank you all!!!

Autumn Paciorek

October 31, 2002

Hey there.. I talked to your mom and Katie the other night. They are still having a hard time coping with all of this. I believe it. If it is so hard for me and I only knew you for two years, I can't imagine the pain and heartache that they are feeling.

To the family:

You guys are probably about the strongest people I've ever met. Something like this is unthinkable- I know that it is probably hard to make it through. But taking it day by day is the only way... and you all seem to know that. I just want you to remember that you'll never get over this, but together we can all get through it.

I love you Ry, and I hope that you are now at peace.

Autumn Paciorek [email protected]

October 24, 2002

Hey. I just wanted to make sure that all was going well in heaven. I think about you everyday. I miss your voice, your smile, everything that made you YOU. If you only knew how hard this is for all of us. I'll be there for your memorial service, I have to. I feel as though you deserve that and so much more. I really wish that there was a way I could turn back time and make it UNHAPPEN. I would trade anything to have you back here. I wouldn't even stop to think about it given the oppurtunity. I LOVE YOU. With each day that passes, I think about you. I'll never EVER forget you. You touched me in a way nobody ever has or will.

Autumn Paciorek

October 18, 2002

Well, I still can't believe that this has happened. It's just so hard to think that I'll never again hear your voice, see your face. I'll never again be able to hang out with you, laugh at Vicky together(I luv you honeyLOL). I know that someday I'll see you again, altough it's been a while I still can't seem to imagine my life without you in it! You really changed the person that I am today just by being in my life, and I thank you for that. I love you Ryan. Please don't ever think that I don't- because I (like so many other people) cherish our shared memories of you.

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