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BEN TOLKAN Obituary

TOLKAN Ben Tolkan February 7, 1983 - October 17, 2020 Ben Tolkan, 37, of Washington, DC, passed away October 17, 2020 after a 5 and a half year, epic fight with Ewing's Sarcoma. Ben graduated from the the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 2005, and made his way to Washington, DC, where he lived the last 15 years. Ben remained a deeply proud Wisconsinite his entire life, cheering on the Bucks, Brewers, Packers, and Badgers every chance he got. In December of 2018, Ben married his wife, the utterly amazing Abby Tolkan (née James). She was, in his words, "the very best thing that ever happened to him." Ben lit up every room he ever walked into. During his time in Washington, Ben became a fixture of the local beer scene - from bartending at Pizzeria Paradiso to repping Brooklyn Brewery and DC Brau, he was beloved by so many in the city. Ben had a community of dear friends that stayed close to him from every period of his life. From friends he first made in Kindergarten at Good Hope School to his friends from Nicolet High School, Camp Interlaken JCC, UW-Madison, and throughout his many years in DC - Ben was so deeply loved by so many. Through many grueling years of cancer treatment, Ben inspired countless fellow patients, always bringing seemingly boundless energy and positivity to every treatment facility he entered. We are particularly grateful to the incomparable Dr. Katie Thornton for championing Ben's care and supporting him to live so much life during his cancer fight. Ben was preceded in death by his beloved Aunt Carol LaMalfa and by his grandparents Rosie and Lou Lehman and Bob and Lillian Tolkan. Ben is survived by his adoring wife Abby Tolkan (née James); his sister Jessy Tolkan, and his loving parents Jim and Sherry Tolkan, as well as his uncle Tom LaMalfa, uncle Nolan Lehman, aunt Marice and uncle Al Berman; cousins Laura, Steve and Gabriel Feffer, cousins Lauren, Jon, Charlotte and Olivia Uretz, cousin Geoffrey LaMalfa; parents-in-Law Ann and Gary James; sister- and brother-in-law Kristin and Eric Shea; niece Norah Shea, and many dear friends he considered family. A graveside funeral will be held at Second Home Cemetery, 3705 South 43rd Street, Milwaukee, Wi 53220, Thursday, October 22, 2020, 1 p.m. The service will be streamed via zoom video, in the spirit of keeping our loved ones safe and healthy, we invite you to join the service via video. Zoom Link: https://zoom.us/j/2553236334 Please honor Ben's fight by donating to the fundraising campaign in his name at the Sarcoma Foundation of America: https://charity.gofundme.com/o/en/campaign/honoring-the-fight-of-ben-tolkanhttps">charity.gofundme.com/o/en/campaign/honoring-the-fight-of-ben-tolkanhttps://charity.gofundme.com/o/en/campaign/honoring-the-fight-of-ben-tolkan

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by The Washington Post on Oct. 21, 2020.

Memories and Condolences
for BEN TOLKAN

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Geo

May 28, 2025

Love you bro

Kent LaVelle

October 26, 2020

Jim and Sherry-I am so deeply sorry for your loss. No words can describe our children's passing. I am sure Ben's life was a special gift that will live in the hearts of so many! God bless you both.

John & Zeny Terhune

October 24, 2020

Loving, caring thoughts are with you Abby & Tolkan family.

Mary Cox

October 23, 2020

From the very first day I met Ben to administer his chemotherapy, I knew he was a special guy. I walked up to him, and he had a big smile before I even introduced myself. I asked, “How are you?” and Ben answered back “Just Livin’ the Dream,” which was his answer everyday. Other patients getting treatment were inspired by Ben; he always showed up for treatment with a smile, a joke or two, iced coffee, and a bruised inedible banana. Other patients would ask him for a hug and pictures with him. They would say, “I always see you happy, and you make me happy!”
Ben was so special, loving, and funny, and I was blessed to take care of him for a little more than 3 years. It as a blessing to get to know Abby, Jessy, Jim, and Shari.

Marge Brindley

October 22, 2020

I did not have the privilege of knowing Ben. There are no words for the tremendous loss. I am privileged to know his family and send my deepest sympathy , thoughts and prayers.

Brenda & Craig Wichman

October 21, 2020

Brenda & I offer our heartfelt condolences to Abby, Jessy, Sherry, Jim, the entireTolkan Family & relatives...we didn’t know Ben well, but we will always remember his “smile” & fun loving nature. From what we’ve seen and read over the years, Ben was an amazing giving son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin & friend. His legacy will last forever!

Terrell Alexander

October 21, 2020

Ours condolences and prayers are with the family. -Michelle and Terrell Alexander.

Michelle Boykin

October 21, 2020

In loving memory of a wonderful person. We will love you and miss you always.

Becky Mansfield

October 21, 2020

My deepest condolences Sherry and family. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Becky Mansfield (daughter of Bonnye Sklar Mansfield) and family

Group of 10 Memorial Trees

Jeffrey Patterson

Planted Trees

Mary Giapponi

October 21, 2020

I never had the privilege of meeting Ben. I know Abby and want to offer condolences to her and the Tolkan family.

William Biddle

October 21, 2020

Only knew Ben for a short time but knew instantly that he was a loving caring guy. My thoughts and prayers are with Abby and both families. He will be remembered fondly.

Marice

October 21, 2020

I truly have no words to describe my sorrow on losing my nephew Ben. He had the most amazing family in his sister Jessy, his parents Sherry and Jim and the love of his life his wife Abby. Ben was absolutely the best.

Avie Zarem

October 21, 2020

I knew Ben (and Jessy) from my time as a Madrich at Camp Interlaken JCC, and also from my time working at BBYO in Milwaukee. Ben was such a character that was full of life. He was one of those wise-guy kids that tested patience - but in a whimsical way that enabled and maintained a warm and fun relationship. I very much enjoyed the times shared at camp and BBYO with both Tolkans and am in disbelief over this. I have faith that Ben is now in a peaceful place and no longer suffering from that terrible disease.

To Jessy, Abby, the Tolkan and James families, and all that cherished Ben know that my thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

Al & Marice

October 21, 2020

LIfe will never be the same without our beautiful nephew Ben. You were such a joy to be with, such a loving, fun person who we adored. We have never seen a more loving and caring family than Sherry Jim and Jessy and Ben. You will always be in our hearts Ben. We love you.

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Graveside service

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Second Home Cemetery

WI

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