Carol Cater Obituary
This obituary was originally published in the Buffalo News.
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Charles Reitz
August 17, 2025
Carol was super strong force for our family´s well being. Dee is super loving force for family´s well being! Nice new photo Dee!
DeShané Castro
August 15, 2025
KellyAnne Herl
December 10, 2020
Hello Mom and Diana...I hope you two are celebrating this holiday season together. I wanted to let you both know how much you are loved & missed. Diana, this has been a hard year for Larry and your boys. We are doing our best to help them through these difficult times. Okay, no more tears, just happy memories. Someday we will all be together again! Love from your daughter/sister/best friend, KellyAnne
KellyAnne Herl
November 30, 2019
Hi Mom...Missed having you here for Thanksgiving. The holidays are so different without. Love you and miss you with all my heart!! Love, KellyAnne
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Karen Castro
May 5, 2019
Hi mom, just been thinking of you so much.
Karen Castro
April 25, 2019
Mom is missed so much, think of you everyday, I can still hear you voice calling us, it feels like only yesterday. We will always love and miss you.
Charles Reitz
April 24, 2019
Much love to you Diana, in remembrance of your Mom.
Lawrence Machajewski
April 23, 2019
Wishing you were here. I need you. I miss you. I love you.
Love Diana
Karen Castro
September 24, 2018
Happy 78th Birthday mom, we miss you so much. So much has changed in the 11yrs you've been gone. I'll have your chocolate cake ready, love and miss you so much
KellyAnne Herl
September 21, 2018
Hey Mom, I was just sitting here thinking about you. It's hard to believe that eleven years have gone by. You're missed just as much today as yesterday! In four days you would have turned 78 years. I just wanted to wish you an early "Happy Birthday". Love you & Miss you with all my heart, Love KellyAnne
KellyAnne Herl
January 21, 2016
Mom...looks like we all have you on our minds. You brought so much joy and happiness to our family. I have often heard others say that you could just feel the calm and warmth when you walked into a room. We all miss you more than words can say. As I sit here and write this I can feel the ache in my heart for you. Mom somehow I hope you can hear me...I love you!
Chuck Polly
January 21, 2016
Polly and I are at Phyllis's place in Quartzite. Got here last night and began our reunion thinking of Carol. We read a letter she wrote as a child to Uncle Herbert about growing up at 273 Hempstead mentioning Nancy Crotty and her other girlfriends that we all knew. We raised a toast to her photo.
Karen Castro
January 20, 2016
Hi Mom, just thinking of you, I love and miss you.
Karen Castro
December 8, 2015
It has been a ruff 8 yrs since you left, they say it gets easier, but it hasn't. I miss you so much, I haven't written in here for awhile, the site said it was closed. I love and miss you so much....Karen
December 5, 2015
Eight years and it still hurts.
Love you Mom, Diana
Karen Castro
December 7, 2014
Mom it has been seven years since you left, Miss you more now then ever. I tried to put s message up here the other and it wouldn't. But noatter what your my angel.
Diana and Larry
December 5, 2014
Miss you more than words can say.
Karen Castro
September 26, 2014
Happy Birthday mom, love and miss you so much. Made a nice cake for you. Chocolate cake, chocolate frosting and walnuts.
September 25, 2014
Happy Birthday Mom. Love and miss you. Diana
KellyAnne Herl
May 11, 2014
Sending lots of hugs and kisses...Happy Mothers Day Mom!!
Karen Castro
May 11, 2014
Happy Mothers Day mom, love and miss you??????
Karen Castro
May 10, 2014
Mom, you were and alway will be the best mom around, I miss you so much. Happy Mothers Day to you, it hasn't gotten easy, the pain of you not being here is still strong, but I know your keeping a eye on us all, I will have flowers with me tomorrow to lay at your site, I love you so much, miss you Karen
Karen Castro
April 2, 2014
Mom you'll always be with us, I love you more and more, wish you were here to enjoy everybody's excitement. You'll always be our angel, and pennies from heaven, every time I pick one up I say thanks mom.....I love and miss you everyday??????????
April 1, 2014
Love you Mom!!!!
March 16, 2014
Carol,, I wrote you a long message and it went it went to cyber world. Maybe you can recover it. I loVe you!
March 16, 2014
Still loving and missing you. Carol you left us to soon. Your life was never to easy but you never complained. You were an angel and are still one. I will always hear you laughter and see your smile.
Diana sent me some pictures. I was so glad to receive them.
Love, nancy
March 16, 2014
Mom...It's snowing again. Remember when it was hailing and you thought by opening the widow I would be able to see the road better, only to have it hail on us in the car. I don't think we ever laughed so hard. I want to remember you as you were. Your laugh was infectious, and your heart was huge. I will always miss you. (((((HUGS)))))
Your loving daughter KellyAnne
March 15, 2014
Remembering my sister, with so much admiration for her life's loving accomplishments, and sadness at losing her. Fortunately for me her kindness and determination live on in her children, who extend their mother's love to the rest of us in this family old and young. Karen: she certainly would have loved to see the birth of Charles' and Colleen's baby-on-the-way. We'll all love her too!
Karen Castro
March 14, 2014
Mom I miss you more and more, I know the hurt will always be there, but I miss you so much.....wish you were here for the 3rd birth of your great granddaughter. Her name is gonna be Kiera Loena Ann...miss and love you so much
September 26, 2013
You are always with and I still love as much as I always have---maybe more!
Karen Castro
September 25, 2013
Happy Birthday mom, boy do I miss you so much, people say it gets easy, it don't, a day doesn't go by and there is something about you I see..,,,,,I love you so much
September 24, 2013
Happy Birthday Mom. Love and miss you.. Nana Banana
Karen Castro
July 15, 2013
Hi mom, I miss you so much, had a nice visit with Mark, the weather is hot but I love it. Hope your enjoying your flowers....until the next time, I love you
Karen Castro
May 31, 2013
Hi mom, love and miss you, had my surgery on tues, I wish I didn't have it done, but I know I needed it, it's gonna be a long recovery, family doing good, we love you so much. Just remember I love you
Karen Castro
May 12, 2013
Happy Mother's Day mom, I love and miss you so much, you were and will always be so special to me, I'm brining flowers....love you so much
Diana
May 12, 2013
Happy Mothers Day Mom. We love and miss you every day. Love from, Diana, Larry, Chris, Lacey and your great granddaughters, Isabella and Abigail. Also from Josh, his girlfriend Amy and her daughter Autumn. We wish you were here to meet everyone that is new.You would love all of them and they would love you. XOXOXOXOXOXO We love and miss you Mom
Charles Reitz
April 2, 2013
That last entry was from me. I neglected to sign. Happy Spring and Best wishes to all.
April 1, 2013
Karen and Family, Thanks for the many ways you honor the memory of your Mom. Love to her, and love to you all in Buffalo.
Karen Castro
March 30, 2013
Happy Easter mom, I'll be there with flowers and peeps, I miss you....love Karen, Sam, De and Charles
Karen Castro
February 13, 2013
Happy Valentines day mom, we love and miss you so much. Love, Karen, Sam, De and Charles
Karen Castro
January 1, 2013
Happy New Year mom, love and miss you so much...Karen
Karen Castro
December 31, 2012
We are heading into another new year with out you, you will always be loved, and forever in our hearts... Love you so much. Karen
Karen Castro
October 29, 2012
Just laying here thinking of how much I miss you, you will always be in my heart
Karen Castro
June 3, 2012
Hi mom, just sitting here and thinking of you. Love and miss you so much. Love Karen
Karen Castro
May 12, 2012
Happy Mothers Day Mom, I love and miss you so much
December 6, 2011
Carol, your children have done you proud!
Kelly Anne Herl
December 5, 2011
Peace and love always!
December 5, 2011
Four years today Mom. The pain of loosing you is still like it was on the first day. I miss you so much. It is the every day things that go on in life where we miss you the most. A smell, a sight, a question that only you could answer. I wish you could have met your great grand-daughter and the one on the way. I love you Mommy. Diana
KellyAnne Herl
December 5, 2011
Today is a day of remembrance. 4 years ago we lost the most important person in our lives. A day doesn't go by without thinking about her. Mom never complained about anything. She just took what life handed her and made it special for everyone.
Loss of Mother Poem
Now that I am gone,
remember me with smiles and laughter.
And if you need to cry,
cry with your brother or sister
who walks in grief beside you.
And when you need me,
put your arms around anyone
and give to them what you need to give to me.
There are so many who need so much.
I want to leave you something --
something much better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known
or helped in some special way.
Let me live in your heart
as well as in your mind.
You can love me most
by letting your love reach out to our loved ones,
by embracing them and living in their love.
Love does not die, people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love,
give me away as best you can. ~ Author unknown
"There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are messages of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and unspeakable love. ~Washington Irving"
Karen Castro
December 3, 2011
today will be 4 years you have been gone, it just seems like yesterday that we were talking, or having dinner together, or even going christmas shopping. We all love and miss you so much. Forever in my heart. love Karen
September 25, 2011
Happy Birthday Mom. Miss you.....Nana
Karen Castro
September 25, 2011
.Happy Birthday mom, I miss you so much. Today you would have been 71, I wish we could have been together with you today. I know you are watching over us all. You are my angel. love and miss you. Karen
September 25, 2011
Happy Birthday Mom 09/25/40 - 12/05/07
I may not be able to hold your hand or kiss your cheek...but I feel all the love you gave us! Miss you, Love you...
Hugs, Kellyanne
May 12, 2011
My sweet mom...I miss you so much....a day never goes by with out me thinking about you...I live you..Karen
May 10, 2011
Date doesn't matter, you will always be remembered. It is so lonely without you. Terry will visit next month and we shall talk and laugh about old times.
Love, Nancy
May 8, 2011
Happy Mothers Day Mom. We all miss you more than words can say. It's still hard to believe that you are gone...Love and miss you so much, Diana
Karen Castro
January 24, 2011
Mom, I miss you so much, it's so clod out side, I haven't been out to see you, just so much going on, I wish you were here to talk...I know you can make it a better...I love and miss you so much...Karen
Karen Castro
December 5, 2010
Dear Mom it is so hard to believe you have been gone 3 years...I love and miss you so much...it really doesn't seem that long...it was like yesterday we were going to the store, or eating out, just spending time with you...you are my angel, and I will always miss you....love you bunches...Karen
December 5, 2010
Three years ago today was when you passed away. It is still hard to think about you being gone. We all miss you so much. I love you Mommy... Nana Banana
KellyAnne Herl
November 30, 2010
My Dear Mother, Another year has gone by. Thanksgiving was a celebration filled with traditions that you have passed on to us. Soon it will be three years since you last told me that you loved us. I know that the tears will never end. We all miss you very much. Our hearts overflow with the love you gave us. I only hope that I can be the kind of mother to my children that you were to us. Even though life wasn't so easy, I wouldn't trade one moment of it for all the wealth in the world. I feel far richer being your daughter. I love you and will always miss you!!
Love, KellyAnne
Karen Castro
November 25, 2010
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Happy Thanksgiving mom...I love and miss you so much...you'll always be in my heart
September 26, 2010
Happy Birthday Mom,
We miss you very much.
Love, Diana
Castro Karen
September 25, 2010
Happy Birthday Mom, I love and miss you so much. You are my angel in heaven.I think about you every day.I wish you were here so we could sing happy Birthday to you, Have a piece of chocolate cake,with chocolate frosting, topped with walnuts....I love you...........Karen
May 9, 2010
Happy Mothers Day Mom.
We all love and miss you very much !!! I wish you could be here to meet your new great grand-daughter. We will make sure she knows all about you, and the wonderful person that you were.
Thinking about and missing you every day, Diana
De Castro
April 10, 2010
Dear Grammy, my beautious angel in heaven... It seems as though I'm stuck in a rut... These have been the hardest years of my life since you've been gone and turning to u always seemed to fix or make the bad go away! But, I reach out to u every sec of the day, although it's very different I know u hear me. I need u now more than ever... I need to take my baby Chaysn and find my friend Frank. Grammy, he was a great friend to me and he died fighting to protect us... Now I need you to protect him, keep him safe and keep him under your wing. He's gonna need this since he was young and left behind his wife n 2 precious babies!!!
Give me the strength to go say goodbye one last time .... Hold my hand as I break down .... Dry my tears so I can see u three happy and looking down on me!
Life is not the same without u... I miss u more than words can express!
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no on can steal. ~Unknown
my memories is all I have left. I can share them, I can replay them over n over, and I can use them teach all ur great grand kids what a great woman u r... U will NEVER be forgotten!!!
Love Always,
Deedle
Karen Castro
April 9, 2010
Mom,
I love you and miss you so much, your plant and peeps are still there. De and I drive there to see you at least once a week.Love you so much,,,,Karen
January 27, 2010
mom,
just wanted to say I love you and miss you so much.........I just need to talk to you.. love Karen
December 5, 2009
Mom,
It is hard to believe that today marks two years since you passed away. It is still a kick in the chest when we think of you not being here. I am so glad that we have so many wonderful memories of you. Every day there are a lot of things that make us think about you. From the songs you liked to the perfume you wore to the foods that we cook, because you cooked them for us. We miss your knowledge about things. More than once we have said "Mom would know that". We still reach for the phone to call you. But sadly, we can't call. You were one very special lady, Mom.
We all miss you so very much!!!!
Love, Diana
December 5, 2009
Mom,
Today is 2 years, I can't tell you in words how much I miss you, but I miss you. The thought of you everyday, the reminder of everything about you. I love you so much...............
Mark Cater
December 5, 2009
Mom loved us from our first breath, held our hands through the years, guided us along the paths that our lives took, taught us that there is nothing we cannot make it through to hold our faith and follow our hearts. She gave us her all and asked nothing in return.
She gave us all the stepping stones in life to become the people we are today, and through it all she stood proud of us all. Her family (children, grandchildren, brother, and sisters) meant everything in the world to her.
It was hard on us to let her go physically, but we carry her with us each and everyday in our hearts and our thoughts. The sun rising will remind us of the warmth of her love. Flowers blooming will remind us of her love for life. Our trials and tribulations will remind us of how strong willed she was. There is a part of her in each and every person that hears or reads this and we can all be so honored that she was a part of our lives.
We will always love you mom, sister, and grandmother. We will carry you with us each day in our hearts. We will mourn our loss but rejoice that you are in a better place sitting with your mother and loved ones, awaiting our arrival one day.
November 29, 2009
Hi Mom,
wWe Had a real nice thanks givining dinner here yesterday. We have all your favorites. The smell of you was around. I miss you so much.............Love Karen
November 27, 2009
everyone will be over tomorrow for are family thanks givining dinner, and the hit of the day will be your fruit salad........love you so much....Karen
November 26, 2009
Hi Mom,
Happy Thanks givining.I love you so much. you are truly missed....thought about you so much when De and I were cooking dinner. again I love you so much. see you by are light......Karen
October 29, 2009
Hi Grandma,
I wish I would have called just a few days earlier to hear your voice one last time. I just wanted to let you know that you will be a great-grandmother come march. So far Lacey and I have decided on Isabella Colleen Carol Castro. Thank you for all of the weekend conversations on the phone while I have been stationed away from home. Hearing your advice was truly the highlight of those days. Your great-grandaughter will grow up knowing what you meant to this family. I love you and you will always be in my prayers....Love Christopher
October 29, 2009
Missing you mom. Every single day
Love,Diana
October 15, 2009
No matter where I go,
No matter what I do,
I carry you inside my heart.
I'm always thinking of you.
I just wanted to let you know
I sure do miss you........Love Karen
October 12, 2009
Hi Mom,
miss you so much. I think of you everyday. We are getting ready for are annual Halloween party. gotta get some pumkins, will bring one to you with some flowers.............Love Karen
September 26, 2009
Hi Mommy,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!
Another birthday has gone by. It is hard to believe that two of them have passed without you. I was thinking about all of the ones that we celebrated with you. Especially the last one. Wishing we had more of them to celebrate with you. We all miss you Mom.............. Love, Diana
September 26, 2009
Dear Mom,
The day after your birthday, heading out to work, my drive there will be thinking of you. went to your grave yesterday and put your favorite plant there....I love and miss you so much...................Karen
September 25, 2009
Mom,
Every day you're
on my mind,
No matter where I venture
I always find memories of you
that I hold dear--
Your face, your gentle touch,
and all the wonderful years.
and even if I could,
I'd never lock the thoughts away.
For memories of you,
always brighten my day.
I love you so much........Karen
September 25, 2009
Mom, today is your Birthday...Happy Birthday to you. you don't know how much I miss you. it doesn't get easier, it still hurts every day. I love you so much with all my heart....Karen
Scott Cater
September 17, 2009
Dear family of the late Carol Cater Reitz, you have my deepest sympathies and my prayers.
r/Scott Cater & Family
Nancy Rubio
August 31, 2009
Diana, you wrote a lovely message to your Mom. I am sure she appreciates your love which shown through your message.
Like you said, we think of Carol often. Usually with a sad heart. No one can every replace Carol and never will. CAROL was one of s kind, then they broke the mold.
DIANA
August 30, 2009
MOM,
NOBODY HAS WRITTEN HERE FOR A WHILE, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE DON'T THINK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME. IT IS STILL A KICK IN THE GUT WHEN WE THINK ABOUT YOU BEING GONE. THE TEARS DON'T COME AS OFTEN AS THEY USED TO, AND INSTEAD OF BEING SAD WITH EVERY THOUGHT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HERE, WE CAN SMILE WITH THE MEMORIES WE HAVE OF YOU. WE SURE MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY.
WE HAD THE FAMILY REUNION EVERYBODY HAD BEEN TALKING ABOUT FOR A FEW YEARS. ALMOST THE WHOLE FAMILY WAS THERE, AND YOU WERE SORELY MISSED. YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED IT. I THINK IT WAS YOUR KIND OF GET TOGETHER. SOME OF US AT KELLY AND STEVE'S HOUSE, PEELING, CHOPPING, COOKING AND BAKING.( I COULD JUST HEAR YOU SAYING " MAKE SURE YOU CUT EVERYTHING THE SAME SIZE. AND DIANA, WILL YOU STOP PICKING INTO THE FOOD). MAKING YOUR BAKED BEANS, AND CHEESE CAKE.(THEY ALSO MADE LONDON BROIL, A LOT OF LONDON BROIL. IT IS NOW AUGUST AND I THINK THEY ARE STILL EATING IT). THE ROASTED PIG FOR A PICNIC AT THE LAKE BY MARK AND KIM'S HOUSE. TO THE CHINESE DINNER AT A RESTAURANT, COURTESY OF UNCLE CHUCK AND ROENA. YUM-YUM, EVERYTHING WAS SO GOOD. THEY MADE IT VERY SPECIAL AND A LOT OF FUN. WE ALL WISH YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE.
WE LOVE AND MISS YOU MOM.......
DIANA
DIANA
March 4, 2009
MOM,
I TALK TO YOU EVERY DAY. I WISH YOU COULD HEAR ME. (MAYBE YOU CAN). THE TEARS ARE STILL HERE. CAN YOU SEE THEM? I DON'T THINK THEY WILL EVER STOP FOR ANY OF US. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ARE MISSED?
IF WISHES COULD COME TRUE, I WOULD WISH FOR MORE TIME WITH YOU. TO TELL YOU ALL THE THINGS THAT MAYBE NEVER GOT SAID WHEN YOU WERE HERE. THINKING WE HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO SAY THEM. LIKE HOW MUCH YOU SACRIFICED FOR US KIDS AND HOW MUCH WE APPRECIATED THOSE SACRIFICES. HOW TOUGH YOU HAD IT, RAISING FIVE CHILDREN ON YOUR OWN. (WITH THE HELP OF UNCLE CHUCK). I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT MOM, BUT YOU DID. I DON'T EVER REMEMBER GOING HUNGRY AND WE ALWAYS HAD A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS, EVEN THOUGH THERE WASN'T ALOT OF MONEY. (WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO GO WITHOUT, SO US KIDS COULD HAVE? IT MUST HAVE BEEN ALOT.) YOU ALWAYS MADE CHRISTMAS AND OUR BIRTHDAY'S SPECIAL.THE HIDDEN EASTER BASKET'S THAT WE HAD TO FIND. A TABLE FULL OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY ENJOYING THE HUGE THANKSGIVING DINNERS WITH ALL THE TRIMMINGS, AND WITH ALL THOSE PIES. ( I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO FULL AS I WAS WHEN WE WERE DONE EATING ALL THAT FOOD).
DID YOU KNOW THAT WE HAD THE BEST CHILDHOOD THAT KIDS COULD HAVE? GOING TO CRYSTAL BEACH, BEAVER ISLAND, THE FARM, ICE SKATING. MAKING TENTS OUT BED SHEETS AND BLANKETS THROWN OVER THE CLOTHS LINE ON THE FRONT LAWN FOR US TO SLEEP IN. ALWAYS WELCOMING OUR FRIENDS INTO OUR HOUSE. YOU NEVER TURNED ANYBODY AWAY. INVITING THEM TO GO ON OUR OUTINGS WITH US. MAKING CHRISTMAS COOKIES WITH YOU AND OUR FRIENDS. (SORRY ABOUT BREAKING THEM ONE YEAR). BAKING ALL OF THOSE BEAUTIFULLY DECORATED CAKES.(LETTING US STICK OUR FINGERS IN THE FROSTING BOWL FOR A TASTE). YOU MAKING US FUDGE. (US KIDS FIGHTING OVER WHO WOULD GET TO EAT THE REMAINING FUDGE IN THE PAN)
THEN THE RELATIONSHIP WE ALL HAD WITH YOU ONCE WE BECAME ADULTS. YOU LOVED EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US UNCONDITIONALY. WE ALL HAD OUR SPECIAL BOND WITH YOU. MARK'S AND MIKE'S PHONE CALLS TO YOU EVERY DAY WHEN THEY WERE ON THEIR WAY TO WORK OR SCHOOL. KELLY'S NIGHTLY CALLS. KAREN'S HOUSE FOR DINNER A FEW TIMES A WEEK. MY LONG CALLS TO YOU. AND ALL OF YOUR PHONE CALLS TO US. ( I MISS THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE). IF WE NEEDED ADVICE,WE CALLED YOU. IF WE NEEDED A COOKING TIP, WE CALLED YOU. IF WE WERE HURTING, WE CALLED YOU. YOU ALWAYS MADE US FEEL BETTER....THE GET TOGETHERS AT YOUR HOUSE. ( I MISS THOSE). YOU WERE A WONDERFUL MOTHER AND YOU WERE A WONDERFUL GRANDMA TO ALL OF YOUR GRANDKIDS. THEY HAVE ALOT OF THEIR OWN SPECIAL MEMORIES OF YOU. THEY MISS YOU AS MUCH AS YOUR CHILDREN DO.
WE TOOK WHAT YOU TAUGHT US AND IMPLEMENTED THAT IN THE RAISING OF OUR OWN CHILDREN. I HOPE I AM HALF AS GOOD A MOTHER AS YOU WERE. YOU WERE ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT US. LIKE WHEN YOU WERE TOLD THAT YOU HAD LEUKEMIA, YOU HAD UNCLE CHUCK CALL ALL OF US TO TELL US THE TERRIBLE NEWS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HURT US. I KNOW IT WAS TOUGH FOR YOU, KNOWING THAT YOU HAD IT, BUT KEEPING IT TO YOURSELF FOR A WHILE, WONDERING HOW YOU COULD TELL US. WE HURT FOR YOU. HOW COULD OUR MOM, OUR WONDERFUL, LOVING, KIND, GENTLE MOM, WHO WOULD NEVER HURT ANYBODY, HAVE THIS AWFUL DISEASE. I AM SO SORRY YOU WERE DEALT SUCH AN AWFUL HAND.
I NEVER IN MY LIFE FELT THE KIND OF PAIN IN MY HEART THAT I FELT WHEN YOU PASSED AWAY. IT DOESN'T GET EASIER WITH TIME. I STILL FEEL THAT SAME PAIN. WE ALL FEEL IT.
MISSING YOU MOM........
nancy rubio
January 4, 2009
Phyllis, you made Carol whole again in my heart and tears in my eyes. Everyday she lives in my heart, never to leave.
Phyllis Egan
January 2, 2009
Dear Carol,
My first friend, my sister. There is something about our bond of sisterhood that is unlike any other relationship. There is a shared femaleness which is itself significant, but, oh, so much more. You were always there for me. Our lives and our love are rooted in the unreasoning bond of shared memories which date back to your very beginning.
Thinking back, I recall so many sisterly experiences. We shared quiet times and hilarious times. We spat and made up. When the weather was hot and sticky we walked to the corner store to buy super indulgent scoops of ice cream. We shared our dolls, roller skates, Easter baskets, housekeeping chores, Christmas mornings, leisurely trips to the farm, and secrets.
For most of the days of our childhood we didn't have a care in the world. Summer was always the best time of the year, for we headed off to the farm, where we shared the most beautiful days; lifting our faces to the sun, running barefoot through the grass, playing hide and seek, and cherishing the look and fragrance of the gorgeous yellow climbing roses which decorated the veranda.
On summer mornings we always lingered at the breakfast table while Mom, Dad, and Uncle Herbert passed on bits of family history, wisdom, and the stuff of life that helped us develop into productive citizens. These conversations always centered on who we were, where we came from, and that much was expected of us. I can still recall hearing over the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, "You are a Reitz; make certain you always act like one."
Late summer days at the farm were for sitting around, doing nothing, and playing on the veranda. Sometimes we would doze with books in our laps, or play a game of counting the cars that drove up the hill. What peaceful afternoons we shared, learning to entertain ourselves. We learned to get along without the compliment of our winter friends and neighbors.
Frequently during the afternoon we took long walks down the hill to the creek to catch minnows- or maybe we'd just stay put and splash around in giant galvanized tubs Dad would fill with water for us. We'd splash each other or duck our heads under water, taking turns trying to establish who could hold their breath the longest. On some of the better afternoons, Dad would even take us to a creek with water deep enough for swimming. In retrospect, it was like life in a Norman Rockwell painting. We had such joy, such freedom.
Evenings were pretty much routine- after dinner we would run around playing tag- of course I had the longer legs. And you, dear sister, always said that was "unfair." We would catch fireflies in glass jars, or attempt to sprinkle salt on birds' tails, for Dad said that if we layered salt on their tails, they would become our pets. And then there was always the family game of croquet.
Finally, exhausted, we would return to the veranda where we would climb on our Uncle Herbert's knee and he would read to us or tell us stories 'til the sun set. Every night the entire family gathered on the veranda and Dad would ponder the night sky. Sometimes we'd sit there through entire thunderstorms. Gazing up, we received our first astronomy lessons.
The bonds that strengthened our sameness also fostered our differences. You were content in the kitchen with Mom, constantly covered in flour. Your quest to become the perfect homemaker began at about the age of 4. As for me, you had to hunt me down, often finding me nose deep in Nancy Drew mysteries. I loved to read, loved the library, loved the out-of-doors and sports. Fortunately, the connection between us did not require common interests or similar personalities. The bond of family, shared heritage, and sense of belonging had already been established.
And then came the years of growing up and going off to school. Becoming wives and mothers brought geographical distance to our relationship. Sometimes we didn't see each other for long stretches of time, but we always kept in touch by phone. Each and every phone conversation centered around our children and their activities. There was always so much pride in your voice, as you would describe the events and escapades your children were engaged in. I knew how deeply you loved your children, and they returned that love tenfold.
And then the diagnosis came. You grasped it openly and honestly, striving past any woundedness. You found your power and your own indomitable will to live. Your courage to fight on, to resist the disease and become a survivor, was extraordinary. You said you didn't need to have hair, but you maintained the need to feel special.
Trials of chemotherapy and radiation were just detours that you navigated with patience, courage, and grace. On the outside you would smile and say "Oh, it's not so bad"; on the inside I knew there was a tangled web of emotion. Our phone calls and visits increased- just wanting to connect, to listen, letting each other know how much we cared.
On one of my last visits to Buffalo we decided to visit Dad's gravesite. Our busy chatter along the way once again highlighted our children's endeavors. We talked about the events and demands of our daily lives, and it was so very wonderful to share the day-to-day nitty gritty in an atmosphere of trust and love. When we arrived at the cemetery, you became the navigator, as we walked around the tombstones on the way to Dad's. I remember how our voices fell silent as we stood together, sharing unspoken feelings, united in spirit. The truth of his absence was made fresh again and a flood of childhood memories unleashed and engulfed us. We cried, we laughed, then we fell silent as we rummaged through our own treasure box of memories. It was a time to remember, for so many reasons.
At my visit in the spring of the year, there were backyard clambakes, lots of activity, good food and good friends. But your energy was on the wane.
In September, I have fond memories of your last big birthday splash. You mustered the strength to sit at the dining room table the entire day, where you greeted family and friends who came by to help you celebrate. I know that at times during the day you were physically uncomfortable, but you never let on- and you never gave up control of your kitchen. You did, however, surrender to Kelly, and the many other helping hands, the preparation of your recipes.
This was one of those times when loving you, Carol, and caring about you, was all we wanted to express. Those of us attending your birthday party took away much more than we brought. For many of us, it was our last visit. It was for me.
Hospitalization and treatment in the end time were profoundly isolating. I suspect the sense of aloneness on the journey would have defeated many a person- but not you. And you had the the love and support of all your family and even many childhood friends. Feeling their love and encouragement, you were better able to to negotiate the curves life dealt you.
The disease and the treatment were finally more than a match for your body, if not your spirit. I recall how you joked and likened this journey to an excursion down a ski slope. Starting at the top of the run, the first chemotherapy and radiation treatments were "dressing" for the event. You said you would never be "over the hill" but rather would just slide down to the bottom.
In the last days Kelly took the reins and devoted herself to your needs. Though you were never an outwardly religious person, I can truly understand your reference to Kelly as your "Angel of Mercy." Yes, you had a family filled with angels. Mark and Michael, the muscle in the family, who made daily phone calls. Karen and Diana, who prepared and delivered mountains of food; a tribute to you and a thank you for your years of nurturing and self-sacrifice.
I recall hearing from you on the day your children gave you a fantastic pair of diamond earrings- a day that brought pure joy to your heart. I recollect the emotions you described. At first you were speechless, and you stared at the diamonds in silence. Then, as you saw the light reflecting from the diamonds, you deduced that their sparkle was a wonderful outward sign of the love radiating from your children. They reiterated that you did not have to have hair or be "whole" to be loved. You were overwhelmed with joy.
As Barbara Bush once said: When all the dust has settled, and the crowds are gone, the only things that really matter are family, friends, and faith.
Your wounds are now healed; rest easy. I love you, dear sister.
Phyl
nancy rubio
October 30, 2008
Beautiful written Cater family,
MISSING YOU MOM.....ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN
October 29, 2008
Mom,
We think about you every day.
This sadness will never go away.
Another Holiday spent without you, just another day that is making us blue.
Things aren't the same since you passed away, even the summer days felt like they were gray.
Your five children still have one another, but that just doesn't replace you " our cherished mother ".
Your house has been sold and your furnishings are gone, your children took most of them, but they're not where they belong.
We wish they were back at your place for us to see, and you in your white chair watching TV.
The Sabre's, the Bill's, a cooking show or two, just wishing we were there watching with you.
A diet Coke on the table, cooking aroma's in the air, playing dice after dinner, we did that many a year.
We've heard it gets easier as time goes by, but every now and then we all break down and cry.
The memories we have will always be alive. deep in the the hearts of all of us, "your five "
Karen Castro
October 29, 2008
you are my angel. you always said don't fly faster than your guardian angel can. I love and miss you so much.......
Mark Cater
October 6, 2008
In tears we saw you sinking,
And watched you pass away.
Our hearts were almost broken,
We wanted you to stay.
But when we saw you sleeping,
So peaceful, free from pain,
How could we wish you back with us,
To suffer that again.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you,
The day God took you home.
If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Mother's arms
and tell her they're from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.
Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.
Don't think of her as gone away
Her journey's just begun
Life holds so many facets
This earth is only one
Just think of her as resting
From the sorrows and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years
Think how she must be wishing
That we could know, today
Now nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away
And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched
For nothing loved is ever lost
And she is loved so very much
Karen Castro
October 4, 2008
My dearest mom,
you are my angel. I miss you so much, I can't believe it took me so long to put together some words. I baked you a cake. your favorite, we put a candle on it and sang Happy Birthday. you are the best and I can't tell you in words how much I miss you. I go to sleep at nite thinking of you, and when I get up in the morning, I carry your picture with me everyday. you will always be my angel, and I know you are watching over all of us. I love you so much......................Karen
Your Legacy Lives On
De Castro
September 30, 2008
"Some-Timers" my grammy's fav excuse when something slipped her mind... i tend to have a bad case of those grammy. I, with out hesitation, begin to ask mom if she talked to you today. I always catch myself, either by covering up or wiping off the insane look i get on my face. We'd be out driving in the car and it took all my energy not to speak up and say "let's stop by and see grammy". Me and mom would be making dinner and the instant thought would be to call you and see if we can bring you dinner. I could sit there and just watch you eat. The proper way you held your fork and knife, the way you put food into your mouth, down to the specific way you would chew your food. It always entertained you to know i enjoyed doing that... little did i know i was burning your memory into my brain... every last detail! So much so that when we got into the accident grammy i was lost beacause i couldnt call you. i needed to call you. to hear ur soft gentle voice... the words of "ooh deedle, don't worry, everything will be ok" i dont have the strength to delete your numbers from my phone... to believe that your house is GONE!... nor to admit that your gone.... grammy i know ur with me every second of my days, but its not enough... turning around with such force because i knew i just heard you call my name... thinking i just saw u walk by outta the corner of my eye.... or at ur grave... no one taking credit for the penny on ur headstone because in my heart i know it was you sending pennies from heaven!
i know one odd day it will hit me... but until then i am content with my "some-timers" and hoping that i will wake up and u'll be downstairs sitting in your favorite chair sipping from your coke bottle waiting for your egg and toast soaked with coffee...
Forever Always My Grammy...
Love Your Deedle!!!
nancy
September 27, 2008
Kelly, wonderfully said. I have been crying for 4 days, I knew your Mom's birthday was upon us. Maybe this is why my tears flowed so easily.
My love to each and everyone of you.
Michael and Mom
September 26, 2008
Diana and Mom
September 26, 2008
Karen and Mom
September 26, 2008
Kelly and Mom
September 26, 2008
Mark and Mom
KellyAnne Herl
September 25, 2008
# Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday dear mom...
Happy Birthday to you...#
My wish for you would be that you are standing in a field of flowers and looking down with pride at all you had accomplished. I am very proud to be one of your five children. I know we didn't always make it easy for you, but Somehow you didn't care. You loved us unconditiontally, and we were the better for it. "Happy Birthday Mom" Sending hugs and kisses! Missing you lots!
I love you,
Kelly
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