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Abraham Gruzalski Obituary
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Memories and Condolences
for Abraham Gruzalski
Sponsored by Ronan, Smith, and Peregoy families.
Linda Ronan
February 13, 2025
Thought of you the other day Abe as I do every year on the anniversary of losing you. I think of you often. I think of your family and I hope they are doing well.
Aunt Sandy
February 11, 2025
Remembering how much you loved family and how much we all love you. Forever and always!
Love Aunt Sandy
Linda Ronan
February 11, 2024
This date is sad but it causes me to think about Abe and the time we spent with him and Kelly. The memories I have of him make me smile ..... and sometimes laugh.
Thinking of his family, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. Also thinking of our family who continue to miss him.
Aunt Sandy
February 18, 2023
I love and miss you Abe. I think about you and can't help but always wonder how life would be for your family and your extended family if we all had you in it for the past 20 years.
There is a void in your friends lives and especially our family without you. You were like Grandma always up for anything and like Aunt Bev, family was everything. We all miss and love you.
Linda Ronan
February 16, 2023
Thought about Abe on the anniversary of losing him. I remember him often and always with a smile on my face. Such a terrible loss.
Becky
February 8, 2023
I cannot believe it has been twenty years. I wonder what your life would have/could have been. How would our lives have been touched by you and your love. I love you sweet Abe and miss you, forever.
Linda Ronan
November 21, 2022
Never forgetting Abe. We think of him often, especially every year on his birthday . Thinking of his family.
Rick
November 17, 2022
Thinking about you on your birthday old friend
Aunt Sandy
February 13, 2022
Always imagining you at family functions and missing what your input would be in our lives. Sending love to your mom, dad and brothers.
Michael Kammer
February 12, 2022
I thought of you yesterday. Miss you, friend.
Becky
February 11, 2022
Thinking about you Abe. Wondering what you would be doing and how your life would have been developed. Miss you - your smile, laugh and kindness
LINDA RONAN
February 11, 2022
Abe's name still comes up in conversations from time to time. He was part of a conversation just the other day when we were talking about the kids when they were in high school.
Thinking about the Gruzalski family and the extended families today.
Michelle
February 9, 2022
Always remembered never forgotten.
LINDA RONAN
February 12, 2021
I agree with Aunt Sandy's visions of what Abe's life would have been. I'm sure there would have been at least one dog involved also.
Aunt Sandy
February 12, 2021
Abe I wonder some times how things would have been for you. Would you be married (pretty sure that’s a big YES), how many kids (3 maybe 4), where you would be living, (probably right down the street between your’s and Kelly’s parents) I ask myself what would he be doing for a living, (owning his own tree trimming business or something else outdoorsy) I miss you Abe and am looking forward to the day I can see that big smile again.
LINDA RONAN
February 11, 2021
Thinking of all of you. Remembering Abe.
Phil
February 11, 2021
Today is the 18th anniversary of Abe’s death. This morning, I read the entries in this book and although they made me very sad, at the same time I also found them so uplifting. It was heartening to read all the warm thoughts and feelings people had for my sweet boy. A number of entries said that one day in the future we will be with Abe again. I miss him like crazy. I do think that after I shake God’s had and pass through those Pearly gates he will be the first one to great me. After we hug and cry for joy, he’ll have something funny to say, and together we’ll be on our way.
Becky Kammer
February 8, 2021
You were a light in my life and such a sweet guy. Life will never be the same. I will love and miss you forever.
July 3, 2018
You were a great friend. Still miss you all these years later.
Phil Gruzalski
February 12, 2018
Abe,
Yesterday, we went out to the woods, built a fire and thought of you.
You are forever in our hearts.
Love,
Dad
February 12, 2018
Abe,
We went out to the woods yesterday, built a fire and thought of you.
You are forever in our heats.
Love,
Dad
Northern CA cutting trees for Uncle Bart - late 2002
Kathy Gruzalski
February 11, 2018
Cottage on Big Star Lake, MI - Aug 9, 1984
Kathy Gruzalski
February 11, 2018
Wilderness State Park, MI - Aug 1991
Kathy Gruzalski
February 11, 2018
February 11, 2018
I miss you Abraham Bart.
Love, Mom
February 11, 2018
I am thankful to you Sandy & Rick and both thankful and curious to the writer of the unsigned entry (?? maybe Kelly?). I am also very thankful for the texts and calls received yesterday and today concerning Abe. We visited his grave, hiked in the forest preserves, built a fire and ate at an old family restaurant where Abe ate many times.
Kathy
Abe I will miss you and love you always.
Mom
Aunt Sandy Metcalfe
February 11, 2018
Thinking of Abe today and hoping that my sister, Kathy and her family had a day filled with memories that made them smile for even just a moment in time as they talked about Abe and explored the outdoors together. I think of Abe everytime we are all at a family function and miss that big smile of his.
LINDA RONAN
February 11, 2018
Feeling sad today ! I still can't seem to wrap my head around this. Thinking of Abe and Kelly and what could have been. !
Rick Vanderveen
February 11, 2018
Still miss you buddy
February 10, 2018
I will miss you forever Abraham
April 4, 2016
Think about you everyday Abe.
Linda Ronan
February 11, 2016
Never forgotten .
Linda Ronan
February 21, 2015
Love the picture of the 4 boys!
Any mention of Civil War re-enactments always brings Abe to the front of my mind.... but so do trees (because he always climbed them). We were all at ISU one week-end. We were going to play football or something. Abe and Kelly were ahead of the rest of us. When we got to our destination I asked Kelly where Abe was. She just looked up. I couldn't believe how high he was. I couldn't watch him climb down. I just walked away and didn't watch. He came down the tree just fine of course.
Abe & Joe's birthday 2000
Kathy Gruzalaski
February 19, 2015
February 14, 2015
February 11, a difficult day to say the least! It is so painful, no matter what you do or don't do, it hurts! I miss you Abe and I always will.
Kathy Gruzalski
February 12, 2015
Thank you Linda for your post. Because it is Abraham Lincoln's birthday today, there were Civil War era songs playing on the radio that Phil had on. We were slow dancing (through our tears) just ten minutes ago to the song "Hard Times Come Again No More." Can't listen to Civil War songs without missing Abe something fierce. We hiked and built a fire yesterday as is our custom on that hard day.
Linda Ronan
February 11, 2015
Feeling sad! I think of Abe often.
Abe-Dipping in the Pacific in California
Kathy Gruzalski
March 27, 2013
Linda Ronan
February 11, 2013
Another year rolls around. Unbelievable that it's been 10 years. Alot has happened and alot has changed in those 10 years but I'm sure the hurt hasn't changed in the hearts of Kathy and Phil. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wonder how much trouble Abe would have still been getting into even at 30 years old. I could imagine, if he were still with us, that he would be living life to the fullest. I miss him. I miss what he and Kelly might have had together. Thinking of Abe today and thinking of all of his family and friends.
Linda Ronan
November 17, 2012
Well, the family drank a shot to Abe tonight. Would have been his 30th birthday (If I'm correct). I would imagine that would have been a wild party. Still miss him all the time. He was such a great guy and I'm glad that Kelly brought him into our lives even though it turned out to be for a short time. Happy Birthday Abe.
Kathy Gruzalski
February 13, 2012
Thank you Rick and Linda for your posts. I always appreciate them. February 11th is a hard day and I dread its coming for weeks before. It took us a while to get a routine going, but we've had one now for sometime. That somehow makes things seem easier in some way. We do a mass, light candles and write in a special book of remembrance at St. Julie's, go on a hike in the forest preserves build a fire and then visit the cemetery. We take a piece of wood from the fire and save it to start the next years fire. I like the continuity of it. Its funny Linda, we drank shots to Abe on his birthday too. He would have like that! I wrote here on his birthday, but it didn't post. Who knows how I screwed it up - such an idiot! Anyway, I love you Abraham Bart and so wish I could talk to you. I know you would love to hear so many things about your brothers - like Joe absolutely loves the woods and fires just like you! I miss you sweetheart!
Linda Ronan
February 13, 2012
You are right Rick. Absolutely not forgotten.
Rick Vander Veen
February 11, 2012
Thinking of you buddy...your not forgotten
Aunt Sandy
December 8, 2011
Thinking about Abe today and missing him. Just wanted to tell you that whenever I see Joe, Matt or Justin there is a overwhelming feeling of Abe's loss. I love you all very much.
Linda Ronan
November 18, 2011
My family drank a shot to Abe last night.! Wish he had been here to drink a shot to his birthday.
November 17, 2011
Thinking of Abe today on his birthday. Love you and miss you Abraham.
Kelly Ronan
June 16, 2011
Oh I wish I was in the Land of Cotton!
"Dixie" is on one of my son's CDs and it had just played. That song has always reminded me of Abe. If he ever heard that song, he would just belt it out and play it on repeat. (especially around the time of the Civil War reenactments)
It's amazing to me how such small things throughout any random day can take you back.
Jenny McMahon
June 13, 2011
It may seem strange that eight years after Abe's passing I'm signing this guest book for the first time, but I received a message today on facebook asking me if I knew Abe passed away. I responded through tears, that "Yes, I knew and was at the wake." The fact that tears came springing to my eyes so suddenly overwhelmed me. Even now as I type this, tears are streaming down my face. I remember going to the wake with my mom. I was a friend of Justin's, and Abe and my sister were in the same class together. He loved to joke around with her. :-) That day was terribly sad. I went to support a very dear friend and a great family. I just wanted you to know that I do still think of Abe, Justin and the entire Gruzalski family. I know the pain will never go away, but I do hope that the grief has lessened over time for you all. Abe, you're greatly missed by many people. Much love to you and your family. God bless.
Becky Kammer
February 12, 2011
In our hearts and memories forever.
Linda Ronan
February 11, 2011
I can't believe it's been 8 years. On the anniversary of this horrible day, I still recall all of the grief. I think of Abe almost every day but any other day, when I think of him it's with memories that make me smile. I don't typically think of all of the hurt. But on this day, every year, that's what I feel in my heart.....grief. If we knew why God took him so young I don't think that would even ease the pain. He was such a joyful, fun-loving person. I would have been happy to have him as my son-in-law. I pray for peace in the hearts of his family.
Kathy Gruzalski
May 19, 2010
Thank you, Rick for writing again. I will always appreciate reading any mention of Abe. I lost a big chunk of me when I lost Abe and nothing will ever fill that space. I just have to live with it. Thoughts of him are with me everyday many times. I still find myself, on a certain level, trying to strike a bargain with God. I offer him anything if he’ll bring Abe back, erase everyone’s memory about him ever being gone, and let life go on as before. What would that hurt? (Things like: digging a hole to China, cutting off my right arm, praying morning, noon and night, etc. Then I think, there’s no reason God would want these things. What does he want?...........) There are no answers.
Mother’s Day is always particularly hard for me. I feel Abe’s absence intensely. For Mother’s Day, my sons gave me many wonderful gifts, but one was especially touching: a key chain with a small glass locket containing the birthstones of my four sons and a charm that reads “My Boys.” Abe will always be one of my boys, one of my little sweethearts. I will love him forever and miss him until (hopefully) I can be with him again.
Rick Vander Veen
May 18, 2010
I was just going through some old e-mails and I saw the guest book link. I stared at it for a moment and felt like writing. I still miss the way Abe laughed and joked. I miss him just as the same as always. I dont have many regrets in life because you cant live in the past but I always wish I had said a better good bye. I last saw him in 2002 before I left for Japan. He let me drive his firebird. Not for long...but for a couple of miles. When I left I said "Ill see you next time I am in" and we shook hands. I cant change the past but if I had only know it would be the last it would have been better I think. I still miss him just like it was that last day. He will never be forgoten in my mind. Miss you brother.
Jenny Smith
September 22, 2009
I believe he would be climbing trees! :) Or singing songs about Starbucks :) Or thinking of ways to bug Kelly (as they were both good at pushing each others buttons for fun) :) Or making us all laugh & smile & worry he was falling out of a tree. :) Thinking of all of those affected by Abe's passing. Thinking of Abe. I hope you all have gentle days.
Kathy Gruzalski
September 14, 2009
Thank you Linda for your post. I do really appreciate your thoughtfulness and kind words concerning Abe. Not a day goes by that I do not think of him and feel sad, but there are days that I am still totally overwhelmed by it too. Matt recently turned twenty and it was hard - it’s the age Abe was when he died. Twenty. So young. It still feels so unfair to me and I will never understand it. No words do justice to what I feel. I am grateful for the love and laughter Abe found with Kelly. I do like to picture Abe’s sweet smile and sparkling eyes and wonder always what he might be doing right now if he were here. I miss him so much and I wish I could tell him how much I love him.
Linda Ronan
September 9, 2009
I can't believe it's been so long that Abe's been gone. Right now I'm so sad again. Not always, though. Mostly when I think of him I smile, remembering how he and Kelly were together. I often wonder what would have been......
My sadness now comes back because someone I know just lost their 22 year old son about a month ago and I know that the pain of that is just unbearable for their family. I wrote in their guestbook hoping that it will help them in some way. I found the entries to Abe's guestbook to be comforting. I hope it was and is still comforting to Abe's whole family to read continued entries to the guestbook and to know that people are still and always will be thinking of Abe. We miss him and someday will hopefully understand why this had to happen because I certainly don't understand it now.
Becky Kammer
February 13, 2009
MISSING YOU AND LOVING YOU SWEET ABE.
rick vanderveen
March 24, 2008
5 years go by but and I still miss Abe like it was yesterday. They say time heals all wounds but some times it still hurts. Miss ya bud.
Aund Sandy
July 11, 2007
With the Dunes coming up we are thinking of Abe and remembering all the fun times: DNR, Abe hiding under the towel and letting seagulls land on him, scarry walks down the path after curfew. Looking forward to doing some of those things with Matt and Joe this year.
Jenny Ronan
July 8, 2007
Just thinking of everyone. Abe's still in our thoughts, as are all of those who have suffered his loss.
Linda Ronan
November 17, 2006
Miss you Abe. You're still in my heart and always will be.
Michael Kammer
July 5, 2006
Missed you especially this 4th of July! Love ya friend
Jenny Ronan
April 13, 2006
Just wanted everyone who knew and loved Abe to know I'm always thinking of you. Beautiful Spring days like today, where you just want to go climb a tree, make me think of Abe fondly! He will never be forgotten.
Linda Ronan
February 14, 2006
February 11th has come and gone. I can't believe it's been three years that Abe has been gone. What a sad day February 11th is. My thoughts are with his family, extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins, and his friends. I know our family will always remember Abe.
Samantha Kammer
November 17, 2005
Abe,
I miss you and wish you were still with us. Shawn and I will be thinking of you and holding the memories of you close in our hearts forever. Noone will ever replace you Abe.
Happy Birthday dearest friend and cousin.
Love always,
Sam
Linda Ronan
November 17, 2005
I think about you often. I think about you when I hear the country song that talks about...."I wonder who you'd be today". I don't know if that's the name of the song or not.
Just wanted to let everyone who knew and loved Abe know that I'm thinking of all of you today.
Happy Birthday Abe!
.
Michael Kammer
November 11, 2005
How very much it still sucks that you are gone! I still miss you terribly. I can't wait to see you again and that is what I hang on to.
I have continued a relationship with your parents, especially your mom that I really enjoy. I have developed an amazing relationship with your little brothers Matt and Joe. I absolutely love the relationship we have together. I wish you could be here to see them. They are such great people!
Justin is a focused thoughtful guy. Although we do not hang out as much as before (he has a great girlfriend and is busy with college) we still check in every so often to see how we are doing.
Abe there will always be a whole in my heart that you can only fill. love your friend Michael
BECKY KAMMER
August 29, 2005
Abe,
I miss you and love you. I think any time I ever see anything remotely climbable - from tree to the side of a buidling, I will think of you, as I do now. So much makes my heart hurt - country music, outdoors, vacations with all the kids, funny sayings on t-shirts, going to your house and seeing your family, every celebration with anyone for anything makes me sad thinking about you. I enjoy going to your house seeing your family but at the same time am sad because you are supposed to be there. Matt turned 16 the other day. You were supposed to be there, among other things, lending him your car & giving him driving tips. Your love for your family showed so often in the things you did and said. We all miss you very much, and I will just never be the same without you here. I love you Abraham.
Love, Aunt Becky
BECKY KAMMER
July 13, 2005
Whenever anything different or new comes up, thoughts & memories of Abe make me sadder than than ever. I think of past trips to the Dunes, watching the kids swim, play in the sand and go for walks in the hills - day & night. I will miss Abe's enthusiasm & accounts of all these activities and so much more on our next Dunes trip. How I wish I could just go back to the times in any of the photos I have of you, then everything would be O.K. I miss you Abe and love you with all my heart.
Becky Kammer
March 3, 2005
Abe,
As more and more of our family leave this earth I realize everyone we love has a piece of our hearts. As our family and hearts are ripped apart here on earth they are being joined together in heaven. I will miss you until my heart and family is whole again. Abe, boy do I miss you. I love you.
Love, Aunt Becky
bill kahoun
February 28, 2005
A couple of weeks ago, something, I don't know what, compelled me to get on the computer and read Abe's guest book which I had not done for a long time. For me, it is often difficult to read the entries from people I know and love very much. The sadness never seems to get better and how could we expect it to? While some may feel that legacy.com prolongs and even perpetuates our sadness and grief, today it provided a wonderful sense of comfort and solidarity to this writer. Linda Ronan, I probably shook your hand at some point during Abe's services, but I honestly would not recognize you if I saw you on the street. Nevertheless, your contributions to this website have deeply moved me. Your entry from November 18, 2004 struck a chord in me that was exceptionally meaningful. That would be the concept that in the timeframe of eternity, this sadness that won't go away is comparable in time to the blinking of an eye. I guess I could have figured that out for myself but because you took the time to write it, I (and anyone else who read your words) was better able to deal with my emotions. You are a very wise and caring person, Linda. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.
My emotions always run strong when I read the entries from Phil, Kathy, Lori, and Becky. You are members of one of the greatest families imaginable and it has been an honor for me to get to know you over the past 30 years. Although each of us would do anything to take away the pain of Abe's death, there can be no doubt it would be even worse if we did not have one another to lean on. Just as Abe brought so much joy to those who were fortunate enough to have known him, you folks bring joy to someone like me. If our goal in life is solely to be happy, all of us lost a portion of our potential happiness when Abe left us and we won't get that piece back in our lifetimes. But if our goal is to live meaningful and important lives, we can still celebrate those times when we truly make a positive difference in someone else's life.
Just as I finished the last paragraph I received a phone call from Phil. This has been a very good day.
Rick Vander Veen
February 11, 2005
Normaly I am excited when friday comes around to enjoy the weekend but because of the 11th I couldn't really be to happy today. I stopped off to visit Abe as I do most fridays on my way home from school (Moraine Valley). It was very real to see the Gruzalskis there because they just looked so sad. I said hi and we chatted for a moment and I shared a prayer that Phil recited to the family. I really miss Abe and I cant believe that it has been two years since he passed and almost three years since I saw him last.
A few weeks before Abe passed I gave him a call to see how his life was going and he was still sleeping of course. We talked about the military and how he wished he had money to come visit me in Japan cause he had never been somewhere so far from home.
Well I at least know he is with God watching all of us. I am sorry for all those who are in pain today but I find that if you try to remember Abes silly laugh he did all of the time it makes it just a little bit easier. I miss you Abe.
Linda Ronan
February 11, 2005
What a sad day! Every day brings a sadness without Abe. I constantly wonder what things would have been like for Kelly and Abe if this terrible thing hadn't happened. But the anniversary dates (like today, his birthday, Kelly and Abe's first date, Kelly's birthday) are especially hard. I grieve for Kelly, Abe's immediate family, extended family and friends.
BECKY KAMMER
February 11, 2005
Someone once told me that even when your mind doesn’t conscientiously try to remember something your body will. I thought I understood what that meant then, but it is very clear to me now. I have tried not to think about the night I heard about Abe. But even when I attempt to distract my mind I can feel it. I get a tense and uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that seems to expand through my whole body. There is nothing to do with it and no comfort to be found, just an absolute sadness.
Sometimes I wish time would go by faster, possibly it would bring some relief to our sadness. But then I think it has been almost two years and it isn't any easier than it was two years ago. It feels different sometimes, but not easier. I still feel a sense of panic when I think I will probably (still can’t talk in absolutes) never see Abe here again on earth. As I look at family photos I see so many of Abe. He was around for everything. All my kids birthdays, and all the family holidays. Any time Michael could bring along a friend for an outing, he would undoubtedly ask Abe. So many things remind me of Abe and I often wonder what he would think about things that are happening. Michael, Shawn and I share stories about Abe. I even talk to Kayla (my dog) about him, I know she remembers him too. He is intertwined in our lives and hearts forever.
Abe, I miss hearing your voice and seeing your big, beautiful smile. I miss your stories, jokes and listening to what seemed to be yours and Michael’s own “language”. I miss your presence.
I will always wish you were here and want you back. I love you.
Love,
Aunt Becky
Samantha Kammer
February 11, 2005
I remember meeting you for the first time. Shawn had always talked about you and told me fun stories. When we finally met I saw for myself what a fun loving person you really were. We had really fun times together. I will always carry a peice of you throughout my life. Abe, you were like noone else I have ever met, and I am grateful to have known you. Thinking of you and missing you always.
Love, Sam
MIchael Kammer
February 9, 2005
Life has changed so very much! I can't beleive you have been gone for two years! I still ask why. Such heartache. I completely cherish our friendship we had; our bond. Past my immediate family you knew me the absolute best...in some ways even better. Jeez, we knew each other so well. I don't think there would be anything that we could not talk about. No favor I could not ask you. There were no awkward moments...we were always on the same page. You were one of a kind. I know no one can ever replace you, nor would I want them to.
I was visiting my cousin Summer today and we were talking of memories and how life changes in so many ways. You came up a few times, and it felt good to talk about you. It is true though. Life is ever changing. I just wish you were around to help me witness its changes. I miss and love you friend. -Love Michael
Lori Elgas
February 7, 2005
I have been thinking about Abe a lot lately – thoughts and memories flood back in an instant… even at strange times. I was in the shower the other day just moving along through my morning routine and I suddenly felt such sadness for Abe. I felt the terrible, sudden loss of Abe again. I felt empty. I just leaned my head and cried. I have many thoughts and memories of Abe but it almost scares me when I have these sudden, strong feelings that I don’t know are coming. When I think about these feelings that I have it reminds me that I can’t even begin to imagine what his family must feel.
The other day I was watching a tv show where a young man died. It of course brought great sadness to me and made me think of Abe. I thought about his death and the tragic loss. I was crying and mourning Abe. What I wasn’t prepared for was that – in tv world – they could bring the young man back to life. When they did, it angered and hurt me so much. I have never felt so awful about a turn of events on a tv show. I cried and told Bob I wanted Abe back. It wasn’t fair that he couldn’t have been saved. Why couldn’t we have had a miracle happen. I miss Abe so much and want him back.
I love you Abe and miss you.
Love,
Aunt Lori
shawn r. kammer
February 3, 2005
Abe i miss you so much. not a single day goes by that i don't think about you. we were both going into the army at about the same time and had plans of getting married. i always find myself thinking about how similar our lives would have been if you were still here. your death had such a huge impact on my life. i am a pretty social person with many acquaintences, but my close friends are very few and hand picked. when you left a part of me did too and i don't think i'll ever get it back. i love the relationship we had together every time i saw you we had such a great time. i still go out and have fun here in germany with new people i meet but it's just not the same fun. nothing compares to the times when sam, me, you, kelly and my brother would get together. almost every weekend for a whole summer we would meet at morgan's, the baymont, the lake or anywhere we could just get together and talk about when we were kids. it seems like every story we had started off with "remember that time you spent the night" or the famous "remember when your mom caught us" you and michael had a lot of those. nothing is the same without you. i feel cheated out of so many more good memories we could have made together. I LOVE YOU ABE AND I WILL ALWAYS BE THINKING OF YOU. YOU AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP ARE IRREPLACABLE COUSIN.
MIchael Kammer
November 20, 2004
Abe,
I am pretty good at masking my emotions. Though sometimes I feel like a hand has been closed around my throat and I am hit with a ton of bricks realizing that you are not here. I think I have been a happy person most of my life, but since you have been gone it seems I cannot reach that same level of happiness. Although you have been gone for over a year and a half this sadness is still foreign to me.
I pictured the future with you. Always kidding around, hiking, conversing. You are the person that could make me laugh the hardest. Our sense of humor is very similar. I could go out with other friends and want to find a party or other people or something to do; but with you I didn't care what we did because it was always a good time. Abe you have made a lasting impression on my life and have made me a better person. I will always miss you and feel cheated for the time that was taken away.
Love,
Michael
Linda Ronan
November 18, 2004
I couldn't let this day go by without adding to the guest book. Abe would have been 22 years old. This is still so unbelievable that he isn't here. I miss everything about him. I miss the way Kelly and he were together and I miss the way he bonded with Emily. Emily and I just talked about her eating rattlesnake with Abe.
I've thought alot about things that I never considered before Abe and my mother died. I wonder how high heaven is. I wonder if the people we love who are already in heaven can see us and hear us. I thought this wouldn't be possible since heaven is to be a wonderful place with no more hurt and sadness. I would imagine it would make Abe sad to see just how hard it is for the people left here who still love him and miss him and don't understand why this happened. Then I thought that it's possible that they can see and hear us but their time frame is so different than ours. I started thinking in terms of a mom. For instance, when Kelly needed to have her tonsils taken out because she kept getting strep throat I knew that it would hurt her for a few days but that in the end it would be better for her because she wouldn't keep getting sick all of the time. The few days after the surgery were terrible for Kelly (and in turn terrible for me too) but I knew that those few days were only a tiny, tiny part of her life. With this in mind, maybe they (Abe, my mom and others) can see our pain but realize that in the time frame of "eternity" our time here is just a tiny, tiny part of that. I would imagine that Abe understands all of this now that he's in heaven and although it would be hard for him to see all of us in pain, he knows that in the whole scheme of things it's really only for a short time (in his time frame) and we will all be together again. When you're a kid and you're waiting to be old enough to go to school it seems to take FOREVER for that day to come but to your parents that time went by in an instant.
I'm hoping that Abe, my mom, my father-in-law, my nephews (just to name a few) are close by us. I feel comfort in thinking that heaven is close. And my only relief in all of this grief is that it seems like it's taking FOREVER to not feel so sad but that someday we will see that it was really only an instant.
(Oops, I typed for so long that it is now after midnight so it is actually the day after Abe's birthday) I hope anyone who reads this understands what I'm saying. I still miss Abe.
Becky Kammer
November 17, 2004
Thinking of you always, loving you forever.
Love,
Aunt Becky
Kathy Gruzalski
October 23, 2004
I don’t understand how everyone who has lost someone so important to them goes on. There must be thousands of people out there who have lost a son. I guess they mostly keep the pain inside like I do now. I mean I knew I would always miss Abe terribly and want him back, but I guess I hoped there might come a time when his loss didn’t overshadow everything so completely. I realize now that time will never come. Most of my life has to be an act now. No one wants to be around a zombie (not even me). I have no enthusiasm for a new season: Halloween, Thanksgiving, our November birthdays…… followed by Christmas, a New Year, the second – SECOND anniversary of Abe’s death.…….. (Unbelievable). Everything has such a sadness attached to it. That’s how I’ll mark my life for the rest of my life. Grief is such a solitary feeling. It’s nothing that can be shared, not even with someone who shares your loss.
For the most part, I don’t see Phil’s pain – he keeps a good face. Just when I think maybe for him it has lessened somewhat, he will make a remark of having called Abe’s name out loud repeatedly while on a deployment, or crying on the drive home from work because of hearing a song on the radio or because of seeing someone that reminded him of Abe. I am not aware of these things when they happen, only later. I think I mostly keep a good face too. I know most people don’t want to see or feel my grief – it’s uncomfortable. For the most part, I have become pretty adept at keeping my feelings at bay. It’s such a lonely feeling though. Mostly I can keep the pain out of sight by not allowing myself to dwell on the feelings that arise. Often I feel nauseous and my chest is heavy because of the effort involved. Only rarely now does the grief show its ugly face to others, but it's always with me.
Every red sports car that looks similar to Abe’s still tears at my heart. Every young, dark, short haired young man, every baby with an almond shaped head, every thin young man’s silhouette, every person who squats down the way Abe did (like Joe does), every mention of broccoli (Abe’s favorite vegetable), or trees, or wounded animals, or the Army, or camping, or history, or the Civil War, or the South, or our dog Tera, or monkeys, or country music, and every display of silliness, or sweetness, or tenderness, or any other strong emotion and a thousand other things, rips at my heart. I have been in such a funk lately. I guess I‘ve run across too many almond shaped heads and red sports cars. Phil and I have been organizing the garage this week. After several days of sorting through memories, I could not keep the pain at bay. I somehow made it through dinner and then collapsed into bed for a long, hard cry. There were so many reminders of Abe there. Every item brought a flood of memories with it and took me down a different road. I found Abe’s old gym bar that use to hang in his bedroom doorway. He was such a monkey from little on. There was an old lantern (holding a candle) that he retrieved at a garage sale from Aunt Marge. Like most boys, he had a fascination with fire. He would be in pure bliss, just squatting outside on the driveway watching that lantern burn. I found just the landing gear of old plane he loved to fly. I held his big canvas bag of tree climbing equipment: harness, ropes, saw. His being so proud of that skill made me feel really good. I was so proud of him too. I saw his football uniform, his catcher’s equipment, and the cage he used to catch and release the chipmunks that were digging up our yard. There were containers of Abe’s old school papers labeled, "Kindergarten through 4th grade." And that’s just how fast they grow up. Say the words: “kindergarten through fourth grade,” and that time is gone. All of life is like that. You blink and its over. Abe is gone. I’ve always felt a little sadness with any of my son’s birthdays. I felt robbed that I would never again experience them as a 5 year old, or 11 year old or 20 year old. But that sadness was always quickly tempered by the thought of seeing them as a 6 year old, 12 year old or 21 year old. There was always tomorrow. For Abe, there is no tomorrow, there is nothing to temper the sadness. I did not get to experience him as a 21 year old and I will not see him turn 22 this year. Knowing I have no tomorrows with him breaks my heart.
Abe I love you and miss you something awful. I will always think of you as my little sweetheart. Love, Mom
rick vander veen
October 22, 2004
Abe
Well i felt that i should write something because I have not written in a while. Mostly I just wanted to say hi and that I still miss Abe a lot and I am glad to see that Justin will be back home soon too. Miss ya bro.
Becky Kammer
August 20, 2004
Always on my mind.
Love,
Aunt Becky
BECKY KAMMER
August 11, 2004
Abe,
Today is one and a half years. I think about you and miss you everyday but certain days are worse - today is one of those days. I love you sweet Abraham.
Becky Kammer
July 23, 2004
Abe,
I miss you. I wonder if and when this will ever get better. I don't see how it can without you here. Conversations I have with most people include you. You are on my mind so much. I don't like that there are people that didnt get to know you. I want everyone to understand how special you are and how much you're loved and how very much you are missed. I want people to appreciate what they have in life and let the little problems be just that - little. I may seem to want a lot of things but that's all I really want is to have you back. I love you so much Abe.
Love,
Aunt Becky
Becky Kammer
July 12, 2004
Abe,
The pain is all too familiar, for too long, but it doesn't make it easier to accept. I miss you today like always. I don't know what else to say. I just wish you were here right now. I love you.
Love,
Aunt Becky
Becky Kammer
July 2, 2004
Abe,
Today is really no different than any other day. Your family is getting a pool and it makes me think how much you would have enjoyed having one. You would have played with Matt and Joe in it and all had a great time. It just isn't fair that we were all robbed of your presence, especially your parents and brothers. Our lives would be so much fuller with you still here. I just want to say again for the millionth time that I am thinking of you always and will love you forever.
Love,
Aunt Becky
Linda Ronan
June 20, 2004
Thinking of all of you and missing Abe on this Father's Day.
Becky Kammer
June 10, 2004
Abe,
I came across a few old photos which have you in them. As I looked at each one I tried to remember the day. Some I could, others were a blur. These are photos I haven't seen for years, so they are not so familiar. They are pictures of you at our house, birthday parties and the Dunes. I think as I look at them how badly I want you back here with all of us. You were there for everything we did as a family. Birthday parties, Easter, Christmas - everything. I loved seeing you and talking with you. I want to hear your funny jokes and see your big smile. I want to hear more about your plans to marry Kelly and hear you making plans to go out with Michael - he misses you so much too. There will always be someting missing in everything we do. My heart had a special place that was filled with your presence and is now filled with your spirit. I miss you so much Abe, that feeling is never going to go away. I will always wish you were here with us. I love you forever.
Love,
Aunt Becky
Sandy Metcalfe
June 1, 2004
Today is just another day like any other, but I'm finding myself thinking a lot about you and Aunt Bev lately.
Whenever I call your house and Matt answers for just a moment I will think it's you. I have to catch myself from saying Hi Abe. I can't imagine what your mom and dad go through daily listening to Matt talking from another room or just watching as Joe grows up. Joe is so much like you with his jokes, smiles, and always running and climbing and jumping around. Joe is always looking for a new adventure he reminds me so much of you.
Aunt Marge and I are both again in need of a tree to be cut down or trimmed. As we talk about tree trimming our conversation naturally drifts to how you did that for both of us. I can see you just like it was yesterday as you climb up the big elm tree with your ropes tied around you and I see that big flash from your smile as you swing from the elm tree to the maple tree knowing I'm watching and gasping as I see you so high up in the trees. You just smile and yell down asking if I need any of the branches cut down from the elm. I tell you "no, just cut down the maple tree. You laugh and swing back across. There will always be some little memory that will pop up and I am thankful for each and every one. Abe I miss and love you. Love Aunt Sandy
Linda Ronan
May 9, 2004
Just thinking of ALL of you today.
Becky Kammer
April 29, 2004
I think to myself how can Abe not be with us? He is in my heart and in my mind. He is in the memories I have of him. He is such a big part of his family's life. How can he not be here? How can he not be here when we all want him here so bad? I find myself thinking, even more than before, that I want it to be over. I think to myself O.K. that was unbelievably difficult but bring him back now and it will all be O.K. again.
I have heard it is difficult for children to understand death is permanent, well it is really hard for me to be able to grasp that concept too. I mean, I think I know(I can't bring myself to say I know for sure) he will never be back. But, when I really try to understand what that means I feel a little crazed. I don't know how to put into words all the feelings I feel & thoughts I have.
I miss you Abe you are always in my heart.
Lori Elgas
April 22, 2004
I can’t believe it has been over a year. Sometimes it feels like it has been even longer since I have seen his smiling face but today it feels like I just got the news. I have thought about Abe a lot over this past year but these past few months I seem to think a lot about the night I was told he died. It comes rushing over me in an instant. I don’t plan it. It’s overwhelming when it happens. I feel panicky.
I remember the feelings of that night so well. It was so hard to see my sister in such pain when there was nothing I could do to take it away. I felt so helpless. I wish there was more that I could do for her and her family that day and everyday since Abe died.
I love to be around her family remembering Abe. It feels so comforting to hear them mention his name. It feels less scary to me when I hear his name aloud. His memories belong in their home and in our family forever.
When I think of Abe a lot of times I think of the last time I saw him. I was over at their house and Bob was helping Phil and Abe move the last of their stuff from mom’s house to their house. Abe was dressed in a one-piece jumpsuit-looking thing (an official moving outfit). It was blue, I think. He was crouched down by the refrigerator getting something out to drink. I was sitting at the kitchen table. He said something funny about his dad and as he waited to hear how his dad was going to respond he flashed me that big, bright smile. I miss that beautiful boy so much.
I love you very much Abe and will love you forever.
Love, Aunt Lori
Kathy Gruzalski
April 8, 2004
Hi sweetie. Just missing you more than usual. Lately the tears have been coming more easily for no good reason. Your dad too has said that he’s been feeling sadder again than he has been for a while. Somehow, we’re always surprised by it. Each time some “period” passes by, I foolishly think I’ll be feeling “better:” the first birthday without you, the first Christmas, your one year anniversary, even our “graduation” from the “parents who have lost a child” grief group. But I should have known, I’ve read enough about it. There is no magic time period to get through. I don’t know what made me think I would be different than most people who have lost a child. Most say the second year is harder than the first. The first year we were still somewhat numb and were often in a state of disbelief. That was supposed to help insulate us from the pain that we couldn’t yet handle. Well if that’s the case, I guess I still can’t quite handle it because I remain in a state of disbelief. I mean on one hand I certainly know you’re gone, but on the other I still try to barter with God. I’ll make any deal with him to get you back. I look at the front door sometimes and still think maybe, just maybe.................
I glanced over at Joey lying on the couch sleeping just now(he’s sick), and without my glasses it could be you ten years ago. My heart aches. I think to myself maybe it is you, or if only it were you, come back.
Easter coming makes me sad. The warm weather makes me sad. Finding a pair of your boxers in the laundry that Matt has "borrowed" makes me cry. Seeing your catcher's equipment out in the garage hits me like a lead balloon. I’m afraid that’s just the way life will be from now on. I’m sure there’ll be good and fun things that come, but all of them always will share the sadness of missing you. It’s just not the way I ever pictured life. I love you Abe and I miss you an awful lot.
Mom
michael kammer
April 8, 2004
I was just on a layover (I am a flight attendant) in Pittsburg. I was hanging out with my friend Sherri. We went for a three hour hike down a path. It went through the woods, under brides, and for a while followed a stream. It made me think so much of Abe. The way she and I had no plan of how long we would go, and if something caught our eye off the path we would venture into the woods and check it out. Then at the end of our hike we climbed a huge hill. Sherri and I were pretending and narrating what we were doing. We would say things like, "hurry they're right behind us!" Abe and I would do things like that all the time. I think it shows how imaginative he could be. How carefree he could be. And how much like a kid at heart he could be and probably would have been for his whole life. Abe I miss you now more than ever. I will never ever have a best friend like you.
-Michael-
Linda Ronan
April 7, 2004
Today is Jenny's birthday. (Jenny is Kelly's sister). Abe would be coming over for dinner tonight to celebrate with us and he would undoubtedly bring flowers for Jenny. He was such a sweetheart. Kelly's sisters (and there are 3 of them) would always joke that Kelly had to share Abe with them.
I, like Becky, think about Abe everywhere I go. It's been really, really hard this last month. (I thought it was suppose to get easier). Anyway, I imagine it's because of the nice weather. Abe, as Jenny said in her entry, would be yelling to Kelly to get ready so they could go somewhere and do something. I've been picturing him sitting on the couch telling her she doesn't need make-up "let's just go". I miss him so much and think about him all of the time.
Kelly and I went to the cemetary last week and Abe's and Bev's stone is beautiful..........but it makes it all too real!!!!...and I'm still so sad.
Kathy Gruzalski (Abe's mom)
March 20, 2004
I am so glad to have new entries to read. Thank you. Following the people he loved (and perhaps his dog), Abe’s Firebird was probably his most cherished possession. He loved that car with enthusiasm and driving it gave him so much pleasure. That said, I’m not at all surprised that he let you drive it Debbie. I don’t know of course, but I would dare to guess that Abe offered his car to you. You didn’t have to ask. Abe loved and enjoyed life and he got pleasure out of seeing other people enjoy it too. Abe was generous and his enthusiasm for life could be contagious. If he heard a song that moved him, he wanted me to hear it too. If he had money in his pocket and Matt or Joe were with him, he’d buy them a snack or lunch or their current favorite collector cards or anything else he thought they’d enjoy. The financial limit of his generosity was simple: the total amount he had in his pocket at that moment. He bought his Christmas gifts first, then paid his bills. He sure didn’t worry much about tomorrow. In retrospect, I’m glad he didn’t. If he had, he and Kelly would not have gone to visit Justin before he went to Iraq. If he had, he would have never bought his Firebird. If he had, he may have had a few more dollars in his bank account, but he would have missed out on life. Abe drove fast, he smiled wide, he laughed hard, he climbed the highest trees. Risks weren’t obstacles to Abe, they were challenges. I miss it all. I miss everything about him. His life was cut so short, I’m so glad he lived it to the max.
I LOVE YOU ABE. You’ll always be my little sweetheart.
Jenny Ronan
March 18, 2004
Hello all
It's been a while since I last wrote. There are days I can't bring myself to look at this guest book. While it's comforting, it's a constant, concrete reminder Abe's not here on Earth with us anymore. At least if I don't read about him being gone sometimes, I can just pretend Kelly and he are fighting, or he's at work, or somewhere else causing trouble. I can at least pretend I'm still just away at school and maybe I'll see him this weekend.
There are other days I just can't not look at this guest book. I am comforted by the fact so many people still think of Abe, and I know I do often. I keep waiting for the day to come when I don't cry reading the entries in this book. I am still waiting for the day when Abe walks back up our porch to get Kelly, Kelly running late because she has to have her makeup on, and Abe standing in the hall, so tall & skinny, saying "let's go Kelly". Some days i can picture him ove at our house, interacting with our family. i can picture this so well it feels like it happened. I wish it did.
I miss him so much. He has taught me that life is too short, and that we need to cherish the ones we have and the time we have. I never thought Abe would be teaching me much-he was always the fun loving guy my little sister dated. Then he was the fun loving guy my sister was in love with, and now he's the fun loving guy I will never forget and will learn from every day of my life.
He had such a positive energy about him that thinking about him, you can't help but smile. I just wanted you all to know I'm still thinking about him and about all of us who are now without him. Thank you for continuing to write, and I hope this helps some of you.
Deborah Gruen
March 16, 2004
Dear Abe,
Aunt Becky just emailed me about this website so I looked at it right away. As I read some of the entries tears are just streaming down my face. And the one thing that continues to be echoed is that we all can't believe you're gone! When my dad called me in Germany and told me that you had passed and that they had had the funeral I couldn't believe it. I was totally shocked-stunned. You were too young to die Abe and I don't understand why we had to lose you.
I remember when you came to pick me up from the airport and then took me to the hospital to see Aunt Bev. On the way to the hospital we just talked and laughed-you were so easy to talk to! I still can't believe that you let me drive your fancy car! You definately had a free spirited personality! I wish I could have known you better Abe. It seems that you brought so much life and fun to everyone you knew! I remember when us cousins went out for ribs and sat around and talked and I watched you and Kelly together. The two of you were great together!
I wish with all my heart that we still had you and Aunt Bev here with us!!! Words can't even say. I still can't believe that you're both gone. The hole in our hearts here on earth will never be filled but I can look forward to seeing you one day again and this time there won't be any good byes.
With love,
Your cousin Deb
BECKY KAMMER
March 16, 2004
I just returned from a quick trip. No matter where I go and what I do I am always reminded of Abe. I thought of you Abe as I visited Red Rock Canyon in Nevada. I thought how you would have liked to climb the mountains and go exploring. My mind is always flashing to you. Sometimes I say it out loud and other times I keep it to myself. I imagine what you would be saying or doing in a situation, and miss you that much more because of it. I love you Abe. How I wish you were here experiencing more of life with all of us!! I love you and miss you so much and forever!
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