Mary Deming Torrence

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Mary Torrence Obituary

Mary Deming Torrence

1920-2020

"Antarctica to Zanzibar" could be the book title describing the long life of Mary Deming Torrence who passed away at Pete Moore Hospice House on July 20.

Mary was born and raised in India, a child of American missionaries, who then at 14 returned to Connecticut where she attended prep school and Yale Music School. She met her husband, Edgar Clifton Torrence at Yale and shared a happy partnership with him for the next 66 years. Ed was a YMCA executive and Mary raised their three children, ran a private nursery school in their home and accompanied church choirs. For the second half of his career, the YMCA sent Ed and Mary to Turkey, Egypt, Tanzania and Sri Lanka. After retiring to Black Mountain, NC they both became avid volunteers in their new community. They also accepted offers to do multi-month stints as volunteers in Sri Lanka, India and Israel. Travel was Mary's middle name and she was always eager for an adventure. To list a few: two six- month camping trips across the USA, cruises to Panama, Alaska, Norway, Antarctica. Rafting the Colorado River. Travels to China, Russia, Australia, Japan, Peru. Bike trips through Europe. Climbing Mt Kilimanjaro. And this is just the short list. Mary loved to write down vignettes of her global escapades. In 2008 Mary and Ed moved to Eugene to be close to family. Ed passed away at age 98 and Mary lived the next 12 years doted on by her Eugene and Portland family members.

Mary's favorite affiliations: Eugene AY PEO chapter, Church Women United, Kodaikanal School, Congregational Church, YMCA Retirees, Sister City Project.

Mary is survived by: daughters Trish Hazelton and Nancy Atkins, son Clifton Torrence, son-in-law David Atkins. grandchildren Anna Hazelton, Leigh Torrence, Lana Montgomery (and husband James), Curtis Atkins, great grandchildren Torrence, Quinn and Ada Montgomery.

They will all miss her reliable good humor, her sweetness and her encyclopedic memory of family history.

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by Asheville Citizen-Times from Jul. 24 to Jul. 26, 2020.

Memories and Condolences
for Mary Torrence

Sponsored by Andreason's Cremation & Burial Service.

5 Entries

Trish Hazelton

August 6, 2020

When I was a teenager, many of my friends would ask if Mary was my sister. Her sparkle always made her seem younger than her years and, let's face it, she was the life of the party! As her eldest a lot was expected of me, but she also made me feel special as well. She bought series concert tickets for the two of us one year (Dad stayed home with the younger ones) and I well remember hearing Marian Anderson, Arthur Rubenstein and a very young Julian Bream that year.
As a kid with a summer birthday, I voiced my frustration that I never had the chance to bring treats to school to share. On the last day of sixth grade, Mary showed up in the afternoon with Fudgesicles for everyone! She hadn't said a word to me and I was as thrilled as everyone else.
Once Mom and Dad joined us in Eugene, Mom joined my PEO chapter and immediately became everyone's favorite elder statesman with all the sisters vying for the chance to hear about her lifetime adventures and for the chance to bring her refreshments during the social times. Mom loved being fussed over as much as we all enjoyed doing the fussing.
For Mom's 90th birthday Nancy and I escorted her back to her New England roots, taking her wherever she wanted to visit. That was such a special trip as we heard some stories for the first time and renewed our acquaintance with places dear to her heart. We visited the missionary home she lived in when her family first returned to the US, we sat on a bench on Yale campus where she pointed out the church where she and Dad first met (and heard tales of their dating time) and visited the New Hampshire town where we had all spent a summer with her parents.
For the final four months of Mary's life she shared my home and it was such a privilege to have her with me. We talked in more depth about what really matters in life, laughed at favorite movies and spent time every day with our Eugene family. When she had to go to Hospice House we continued spending hours with her every day, always sharing how much we loved her and entertaining her as best we could.
She and Dad will be constantly in my heart and I cherish the love and memories that will sustain me all my life.

Nancy Torrence Atkins

July 29, 2020

Imagine being only ten years old and having to take a two-day 1,000 mile train trip across India with your younger brothers in order to attend a boarding school. No wonder travel and adventure were so normal to Mary throughout her life. For those of you who only knew our mother as the sweet polite proper little lady of her later years, we want you to know that Mary was way more complex than that.

We knew Mary as the family prankster when she taught us how to short sheet a bed every April Fool’s Day. She was a musician who serenaded her kids to sleep many nights by playing Bach on the piano and who encouraged us to sing as a family in four-part harmony. She was the planner of everything fun, like early morning picnics at the Red Pyramid outside of Cairo. She was energetic and generous of her time to so many community organizations like scouts or church choirs, or in her later years to Church Women’s United, sister city projects, her Congregational church. Mary loved to travel and plan unusual activities. We once all hiked through a dark tunnel under the city of Jerusalem in waist deep icy cold water with only candles for light and that was Mary’s idea of a great outing. She and Ed took local long distance bus rides through India where Dad had to help push the bus when it got stuck in the mud. Mary climbed Mt Kilimanjaro with a group of young Swedish guys a week after Ed had climbed because she had had a cold the week before but did not want to miss the experience. She rafted through the Grand Canyon, flew across the world on a military plane carrying ammunition and she fell out of the top bunk near the landing time, signed on for a National Geographic cruise to Antarctica. Mary had us scurry through the dark passageways of a lesser known pyramid with flashlights, attend operas in Edinburgh or Greek plays in amphitheaters in Greece, swim at midnight in an ancient spring called “Cleopatra’s Bath at the Siwa Oasis in Egypt. Mary was more than a good sport who went along for the ride. She was the creator of the ride and we her family always felt like we were somehow privileged to be invited to the party.

Mary was a devoted wife to her wonderful husband and our wonderful dad, Ed. She often turned to us as kids, when Dad left the room, and said “isn’t he the most handsome man in the world”! She and Ed were inseparable during their 32 years of retirement together, which we are sure many of you can still picture. They truly enjoyed each other’s company and they loved to entertain. Mary was perhaps not a great cook, but she did love to give dinner parties and surround herself with interesting people. When her granddaughters would stay for long visits she gave them little tea parties every afternoon. Picnics with deviled ham sandwiches were her staple fare as we traveled in the car or went to various scenic spots.

After Ed passed away in 2008, which was only three months after they had relocated to Eugene, Oregon, Mary was rather stoic in her response to her new reality of life without Ed. She always said that she accepted whatever life gave her and we must have heard her say a thousand times that she was “content”. Even in the hospice house during her last three weeks of life she still maintained that she was content.

We her children knew that she couldn’t live forever, although she gave it a pretty good shot, but we might not be as stoic as she was and say that we are content to live our lives now without our precious mother. Mary is going to be sorely missed by so many of us. She was one special lady. Gracious, funny, stubborn (no one ever wanted to know less about modern technology than she did), kind, cuteness personified, energetic, creative, loyal, family-centered and yet world aware, easy to please, easy to be with and the most loving mother one could ask for. Thank you Mary for your life well lived.

David Atkins

July 29, 2020

When I first met and fell in love with Mary’s daughter Nancy, the spirit of adventure that Mary imbued in her family was obvious and contagious, and for years I have heard so many stories of escapades led by Mary.
Although my own parents passed earlier, Mary and Ed continued their model of love, fidelity, and honor, and for that I am eternally grateful. It has been a privilege and a pleasure to help Mary through these last 12 years since Ed passed.
I will raise a glass of Mary’s favorite white zinfandel to a life well lived in the best sense possible. The hole left in my heart is filled with warm memories.

James Rutherford

July 27, 2020

he and Ed were a fantastic team in everything they did. Really enjoyed the six years of their journey in Asheville before leaving for Eugene.

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Scottie and Tom Cannon

July 26, 2020

We knew and loved Mary and Ed during their Black Mountain years and worked with them for several years in the Black Mountain Pairing Project’s relationship with our sister town in Russia, Krasnaya Polyana. From late 1994 until they moved to Eugene, we were also neighbors on Allen Mountain. Among other things, I remember two dinners in their home when they shared pictures and stories from trips as only they could do! One was after their trip to the Antarctic (dessert was Baked Alaska) and the other was an Elderhostel biking trip down the Rhine. Both Mary and Ed were gracious, thorough and generous in everything they took on. When they moved back to Eugene, Mary awed me with her efficiency in packing—nothing seemed to rattle her.
We had lost touch after they left Black Mountain, so it was a gift to see Mary’s glowing smile again in the obituary in today’s Asheville paper. Thank you, family, for sharing this news with our community. We know you will miss her, and hope you find solace in knowledge both Ed and Mary were loved by so many in Black Mountain.

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