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2022
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3 Entries
Mom
October 3, 2024
Over the last month I have thought about you nonstop. Now your birthday approaches and I can't stop crying. Such a heartache here on earth.
Beyond it all daughter of mine, I love you. Beyond the beyond, You and I are together and there is nothing else, no death, no sorrow, only light and love and goodness. Only peace and kindness and God and it's all everything and nothing. It makes this life easier for a moment to go on.
For now though, its sorrow for this mortal left behind... all the moments we had, all the time, all the pain and joy; and I miss you terrible and I wish my prayer that I could have taken your place would have been heard because I think of your girls and your life and there was so much left behind.
In this time, 2 days before your birthday, I buckle under the weight of grief. The ache is great. Everything tires.
I can only breathe, one breathe at a time as I listen in the place we have - beyond the beyond; where I know you and you hold the light and peace and love for me, dad, Rowan, Ora, Agent and those you left behind.
Mom
March 5, 2024
love
In my heart today, a universe of love for you-
sparkling, clear, easy to move into.
I sometimes pick up a star of sorrow,
not because I have stumbled on it,
but because I want to know its light again.
I search within the rays of brightness,
and always I find what I seek.
There are thousands of stars,
enough to cover my entire existence of life.
Every one of them precious.
Every one of them, a memory
of how it was to love you when you were alive.
Star of you waking in your crib, singing. pointing to light.
Star of you doing tricks on your bike.
Star of hiking together up cliffs.
Star of undone dishes and clothes strewn bedroom floors.
Star of long fingers playing beautiful music on a keyboard.
Star of you learning to drive and proudly owning your first car.
Star of your first job, first challenge to authority, first move away to independence.
Love is no less powerful for all this sorrow.
When I choose to go here, I notice how beautiful they are, all these stars,
burning fiercely through the currents of love.
I notice how the flame never stops.and miss you so much
Mom
March 5, 2024
love
In my heart today, a universe of love for you-
sparkling, clear, easy to move into.
I sometimes pick up a star of sorrow,
not because I have stumbled on it,
but because I want to know its light again.
I search within the rays of brightness,
and always I find what I seek.
There are thousands of stars,
enough to cover my entire existence of life.
Every one of them precious.
Every one of them, a memory
of how it was to love you when you were alive.
Star of you waking in your crib, singing. pointing to light.
Star of you doing tricks on your bike.
Star of hiking together up cliffs.
Star of undone dishes and clothes strewn bedroom floors.
Star of long fingers playing beautiful music on a keyboard.
Star of you learning to drive and proudly owning your first car.
Star of your first job, first challenge to authority, first move away to independence.
Love is no less powerful for all this sorrow.
When I choose to go here, I notice how beautiful they are, all these stars,
burning fiercely through the currents of love.
I notice how the flame never stops.and miss you so much
Mom
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