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Keith McCarthy Obituary
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Memories and Condolences
for Keith McCarthy
Sponsored by Mom, Dad and Randi.
Mom
June 26, 2025
232 months . I looked at your picture this morning and just found it so hard to believe you left us at only age 20. I cannot accept it . Gosh,Keith i miss you desperately. With everything I am ,I am lost without you . I so wish things could be different . I will continue to share your story and our memories and I hope I make you proud .you know I know. Love,Mom
Mom
May 26, 2025
231 months. The time goes by so fast,yet i never stop not believing what has happened. I understand it to be true,yet i just can't accept it. Never seeing you again is brutal. I don't know how our lives took such an ugly turn. Life goes on and on and on. The truth is,i miss you so much and am so heart broken,i can't recover . I have so many memories yet they don't take the place of a living,breathing Keith. What we had,you know. I miss you endlessly. Continue to watch over me ,Daddy and Randi. We know you are with us. Love you so much . Mom
Mom
April 26, 2025
230 months. We are almost at 20 whole years since you left us . This is inconceivable. This August, somewhere you will be turning 40. Who would you be ? Gosh,i miss you . I miss you so much,i almost can't think about it . Know that,as long as I am able ,i will spread your message and continue to make you proud. You know I know. Love,Mom
Mom
February 26, 2025
228 months ,19 years today.How have we gone 19 years without you? How did time go by so very fast ,yet so slowly at the same time ? I don't know how we've done it .Today,Daddy and I went for wings,your favorite....except we didn't smash them in our faces lol. Then,we went to the BMX race track which turned out wasn't open.as posted,but it was beautiful and reminded us of you. Afterwards we went and watched a spectacular sunset .what I wouldn't do to have you here with us . If love could have saved you,you never would have left me .I hope I am making you proud . I love you more than you'll ever know and miss you more and more each day . You know I know . Love Mom
mom
January 26, 2025
227 months. We are one month away from your not being here 19 whole years. How i survive is an absolute mystery. I just continue to put one foot in front of the other and make it thru my days. My mind shuffles thru memories of you,always. I miss you MORE lately. Now,im just sad again. My emotions go back and forth. I can tuck them away to keep myself safe,but sometimes,i am just plain sad. I miss you more than you know and love you forever. Mom
Mom
December 26, 2024
226 months. The same exact amount of months now since your actual passing date,Feb. 26th. The day after Christmas. We were lucky enough this year to share Christmas with Randi . We havent been together at Christmas since we lived in Conn. Good for my soul. You saw we had a great time, we always do. But,you were missing. You're always missing. It's heartbreaking. I wonder,what would i buy you ? Would you have your own family ? Would you still be struggling ? I don't have any answers,but i know you know how ,much you or missed and loved. If that alone could have saved you, you never would have left us . I Love You. You know i know. Mom
Mom
December 25, 2024
Merry Christmas Keith . 18 whole Christmases without you here .Boy did you love Christmas. You and Randi both,actually. You both were fortunate, and usually I was able to find what you asked for . This Christmas, our 7th in Florida,Randi finally was able to make it out here for so that's very exciting for us .I will have your chair ready and waiting by her Christmas gifts ,only very much wishing you were seated in it . I couldn't miss you any more than I do . I will never get over this shock of our loss .it has colored every single aspect of my life . And,it never stops . I hope you are happy,at peace and are wth our loved ones especially Grandma and Grandpa . You are with me . I know you know .Merry Christmas...Love Mom
Mom
November 26, 2024
225 months . Almost Thanksgiving . We have much to be grateful for. Daddy is doing so much better,and I just know much of that is your doing .how does a man have a massive stroke,2 blood clots and one month later is back to working and playing golf??? A miracle .thank you for watching over Daddy and all of us,really . I so wish you were here to help me ,yet you ARE here helping me . I miss you more than ever .You know I know . Love forever, Mom
Mom
October 26, 2024
224 months and what a month this has become . Daddy is so sick,he had a stroke and again I have to be the strong woman again and take care of everything. I was terrified yet I kept calling to you to help me and not let daddy suffer .I know you don't have super powers,but I also know you take care of us in ways I cant fathom. I need you now to help me continue this journey and bring Daddy back to himself. Always in my heart my thoughts and my mind .I know you know ....love Mom
Mom
September 28, 2024
223 months. I'm a couple of days late posting as we had a hurricane and it was awful. I don't know why,but i always feel you will protect me. Now,i know you can't stop bad things from happening,but I do feel like you've got your protective eye over me and it helps me when i am scared. You are always with me ,i know this. Yet...if you were TRULY here,well what a gift that would be. I miss you. I know you know. Love,Mom
Mom
August 27, 2024
Today you are 39. Happy Birthday. Daddy and I already paid for someone's birthday cake and are taking a trip to a skating rink in Tampa to buy someone ice time. Then,lunch. Not sure if we will have your favorite chicken wings or burgers,but we will enjoy whatever it is,with our thoughts on you. I got you an ice cream cake this year. You loved those. I hope whereever you are,you are surrounded by love and peace. I love you more than you could ever imagine and miss you more than i could ever say. I know you know and i won't ever let you down. Happy Birthday .Love,Mom
Mom
August 26, 2024
222 months. Tomorrow is your 39th birthday. I am filled with anxiety. No new pictures,videos,visits. Who would you be today? Would you have your own family? Would you be happy? This is what keeps me awake at night. The not knowing and the longing to see you. I miss you more than i could ever convey. I can't wait for the day our family is together again. Until then,i continue my Random Acts of Kindness in your name and hope i am making you proud. I know you know. Love,Mom
Mom
July 26, 2024
221 months . Next month is your 39th birthday. 39. That is 19 birthdays without physically seeing you. I think about you ALL the time. ALL.THE.TIME. I miss you so much,my heart can't stand it. Until I see you again,you know I know and I hope I make you proud. Love,Mom
Mom
June 26, 2024
220 months. You were here with us a lifetime ago. You are gone almost as long as you were alive. I have a whole new life that is full of confusion,pain,sadness and yes laughter. I can't reconcile the lot. My brain never,ever stops. I am exhausted and unwell. Yet,i push on. I have tried every way imaginable to live my "best life" and i don't care what anyone has to say about it,yet my best life was with my family of four. Yes I understand you are gone,yes i understand i must push forward but i simply can't accept it. My brain did some kind of switch and the reels just keep playing. I'm not even sure i want them to quiet down.I'm used to it. I really ,really miss you. I know you know....Love,Mom
Mom
May 26, 2024
219 months. I don't know HOW so much time has passed or how I've even gone on without you,yet here we are . My life has never been the same. Sundays especially remind me of that. Keith,I miss you so much it hurts. Know that you are missed,loved and remembered,always. You know I know. Love,Mom
Mom
February 26, 2024
216 months. 18 whole years of missing you. Not one new picture. No new memories. I can't. It is just unbelievable to me we have survived without you. Walking thru mud with boots on,backwards. I honor you every day,in some fashion yet it isn't the same. Today I shall take donuts to a rehab facility near me,then Daddy and I are headed to a very old teeny ,tiny church near us to light a candle,go have some chicken wings -yours and Randi's favorite memory... and go watch the sunset. You are always with me. Yet,if you really WERE with me. You know I know and I love you more than words and thoughts could convey. Mom
Mom
December 26, 2023
214 months.day after Christmas. It isn't the same,especially since we live in Florida with no family around. I don't like holidays anymore since you left and I just want to sleep until they go away. I wish nothing ever changed. I'd give anything to have my first life back.Anything. But,it won't happen. I hope you are happy and safe. I will miss you until we are together again. Please,continue to send me signs that you are with me.I need that. I miss you so much,so much it hurts. Love you more than you can imagine.Mom
Mom
December 25, 2023
Merry Christmas,Keith. Here we are ,17 whole Christmases without you. The past 5 have been even more difficult because Daddy and I are now in Florida. I've been watching some of my old video memories and boy,am I glad i videotaped EVERYTHING. Those memories make me so sad,yet so happy at the same time. You guys sure had the best Christmases. I am glad we gave you everything we did,because the memories we made then are all that much more special. I can only say,I am glad you are with Gramma and Grampa today,watching over all of us in different places and smiling. I miss you more than you could imagine. I know you know ...Mom
Mom
November 26, 2023
213 months. Such a very long time. And,it's Sunday. The day you left us. Sunday used to be my favorite day. Family day. We always went out to eat ,nothing big-Maybe the buffet or a pizza. You and Randi would get your soda,which was a big deal,lol.Family time. Now when the 26th falls on a Sunday I am reminded of the horror of that day. The absolute horror. I continue my life without you physically here,but it is a constant struggle. I wish you were here. What woud you be doing? Who would you be with ? I simply can't believe it. I love you and i miss you so very much. You know I know. Love,Mom
Mom
October 26, 2023
212 months. What to say. I find it remarkable that this much time has gone by without my eyes seeing you. Almost 18 whole years. I cannot believe I have survived. I wouldn't say I've thrived,because I am a shell of my former self ,yet I continue to push thru day after day telling myself I can do this. I just can't imagine who you would be.It all just.stopped. And most days,it is more than I can take. Thank God we made so many memories. My mind replays them constantly. I miss you so much ,my heart can't take it. You know I know. Love,Mom
Mom
September 26, 2023
211 months. It's mind boggling really. My days are so long and confusing. I just keep going,sometimes on no energy sometimes revved up with nerves. Life goes on,yes it does,but mine "stopped" 211 months ago. Very hard to explain and even harder to live. I wish with every ounce of my being that you were still here,but it is not to be. I know you know.Love forever,Mom
Mom
August 27, 2023
Happy 38th Birthday . Yes,you ARE 38 somewhere,just not where we can physically see you and speak to you. I "see" you everywhere and would give every last thing i have to have it actually be you. These 18 birthdays without have been very difficult. I bought a little guy's birthday cake for today and paid for 3 back to school haircuts in your memory. I hope i make you proud. Daddy and I are taking a nice ride to the water by St. Petersburg today and are going to listen to some music outside . We will try to relax and smile at the memories we made with you. I miss you so much,it's more than i can take most times. I know you know. Love Mom
Mom
August 26, 2023
210 months . Tomorrow is your 38th birthday. Yes,you ARE 38 somewhere. I can't fathom 18 birthdays without you,let alone a lifetime. My struggle is overwhelming and very,very tiring. I miss you so much ,it's an ache that never goes away. Know that i will continue to spread love and empathy and Random Acts of Kindness in your honor as long as I am able. You know I know. Love you always,Mom
Mom
July 26, 2023
209 months. It is almost your 38th birthday. That will be 18 birthdays we have shared without you. Shocking. Some days are better than others and lately i am floundering. I really can't believe this much time has passed and yet,i still won't ever see you again. What this has done to my life is appalling. Aside from the neverending mind torture,my health is just a downward spiral. Yet I get up every single day and push thru. I know you see me,i know you hear me ,yet i would give everything i have just to be with you again....I know you know. Love Mom
Mom
June 26, 2023
208 months. I think about you all the time,and I "see" you always. Memories flood back to me constantly and i literally would give anything if you were here. I talk to you and i know you hear me. Please continue to watch over us and keep us safe and strong. I know you know. Love,Mom
Mom
May 26, 2023
207 months. I think about you all the time. I can't stay on it too long because it's far too much for me,still to comprehend. But it is always there.A thought, a memory,a smell,absolute torture.There is no end in sight. You delighted me ,until you couldn't. I can't believe I will never see you again. I love you more than you could hope and miss you much more than you would imagine. I know you know. Mom
Mom
April 26, 2023
206 months. I will just never understand how this much time has passed so quickly,yet so slowly at the same time. I cannot tolerate this new life,it doesn't "fit my skin" and i am uncomfortable all the time. Yet,i keep going. I know i am not alone,and the parents i share this journey with feel the same way,however it is just so shockingly unbelievable you are gone from my eyes,i will never recover.I will keep speaking to you,looking for signs and sharing Random Acts of kindness in your name. I sure hope i am making you proud. You know I know...Mom
Mom
March 26, 2023
205 months. It is shocking to me you've been gone 17 whole years.where did the time go? How have I survived?
Not very well.I feel 1000 years older than I really am and my ailments are many. I do my best each and every day to continue my life and put one foot in front of the other. It has NOT been easy.
I hope I'm making you proud.you know I know.
Love forever,Mom
Mom
February 26, 2023
204 months. An unbelievable 17 whole years you have not been here. I have been writing to you on this platform for 17 years. It helps me. I honestly have no idea how this much time has passed or how i've made it this far. The longing to see you just grows. Usually i am completely numb of feelings. It's my safeguard i suppose.If i don't think too much,i won't break down. Today is just the saddest day of our lives and nothing will ever change that . I miss you,i love you and i so very much wish things could be different. You know i know . Love forever,Mom
Mom
January 26, 2023
203 months. One month away from an unbelievable 17 years without you in front of me. 17. Mind boggling. What else is there to say? you know how much I miss you and you know how much I struggle,but I also know you are always with me. If i didn't believe that, well,it would be another misery for me. Keep giving me signs and smiling down upon me. You know I know. Mom
Mom
December 26, 2022
202 months. An absolute lifetime. I really don't know how i've made it this long without you,but i DO know your sister carries me. Never in my life did i think one of my children would be taken from me, and the shock and horror remain. I can't really put into words how i feel and how i go thru everyday. It's the routines of the day that get me by. But,in that silence,that quiet place in my day,you immediately surface. I can't say enough how much i miss you and how i so wish things could be different. I know you know. Love,Mom
Mom
December 25, 2022
Merry Christmas Keith. Gosh,this just isnt the same especially since Daddy and I are here in Florida and Randi is still in Conn. Makes it so tough to get excited and be sort of present. We opened gifts this morning with your sister on the phone ,but i was anxiety ridden. I so wish things could go back to the way we were ,tons of gifts and relatives visiting. Now,with Gramma and Grampa with you and us moving and a fractured family it just is not the same. Know that we had your chair front and center to watch us open our presents and we felt you with us. More love than you can imagine,and i hope you feel it. You know i know...Mom
Mom
November 26, 2022
201 months. Hard to believe we are almost to 17 years of missing you.Our lives are not the same.There is such a gaping hole here.It cannot be filled. I don't know what to say anymore except we love you and miss you so much, it's an actual physical ache.You know I know. Love you always,Mom
Mom
October 27, 2022
200 months. WHERE has the time gone? We are almost at 16 years without seeing you. I honestly don't know how I've made it. So much has changed ,yet one thing remains the same.You still are gone. Everything that happens has a hint of "Keith's not here" The silence is so loud. The longing to see you just grows. I understand fully what happened, but I will never accept it. How can I go my lifetime without seeing your milestones? I don't have a choice. I miss you more than you could imagine and love you more than you know. MOM
Mom
September 26, 2022
199 months. So,so long since I've seen you physically. I can't believe it still,always. I just cannot believe it. I just miss you.Everything about you. Time changes nothing for me ,yet life marches on. Walking thru mud with boots on. You know I know...
I love you so much.Mom
Mom
August 27, 2022
Happy 37th Birthday. For 17 birthdays now, we have remembered you,WITHOUT YOU. My heart hurts. I think of all the birthday celebrations we shared with you and I smile. You made me a Mom. I miss you so much. Know that today will not be spent not remembering your beauty and gifting someone something special in your honor. I love you. Smile down upon us and feel our love. My golden boy .I know you know. Mom
Mom
August 26, 2022
198 months. Tomorrow is your 37th birthday. If i think too much about it,i will sink into a dark hole. My brain only allows me to see flashes of reality. It's so unbelievable to me that you actually are not here,i can't bear it. Today,i will keep myself busy getting ready for your sister's visit and hope tomorrow isn't too painful. Know that our life without you is merely existing and I don't know how to change that. Love you like you know...Mom
Mom
July 26, 2022
197 months. One month away from your 37th Birthday and 16 years without you. Seriously,I don't know how i continue,yet how fast but slow time has gone. What an absolute nightmare. I think about you every second of every day and I KNOW you are with me. If only i could see you..... I love and miss you more and more as time goes by. You know i know...Love Mon
Mom
June 26, 2022
196 months . And, a Sunday. Sunday was the day you left us. They are always difficult for me. Sunday was always our family day. Parks,museums,beaches,movies,pizza,anything and everything. That Sunday started like most. Except i didn't have to go pick you up yet and quite frankly,the house was peaceful. Until after I went to get you from rehab.Then,our entire universe shifted. And,i have never been the same. I won't ever recover. Sure,i've survived. What choice do i have? I would never leave your sister. A life,for me without physically seeing my two beautiful children side by side is slowly destroying me. I miss you more than you could even imagine and love you more than my own life. You know I know.....Mom
Mom
May 28, 2022
195 months. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of you,or talk to you. I so wish you could answer me.i think to myself,how different our life would be if you never left,and it leaves me breathless.i hate my new life. Losing you destroyed me. I miss you so much,it makes me realize what with all the difficulties we had,there was so much love. Love you like you know...Mom
Mom
March 26, 2022
193 months. How is this even possible? I literally do not know how I have survived the unimaginable this long. Life just keeps moving and i am stuck. Sure,i get up everyday and do what I have and even have joy,but it is not the same. Someone is always missing. I cannot wait for the day I see you again .Send me a sign that you are alright,won't you? Miss you more than you could know and love you endlessly......Mom
Mom
February 26, 2022
16 years. I have not physically seen you now in 16 years. I often think to myself,how have i survived this long? It is so unbelievable to me i have survived and attempted to thrive without you. Yet,here i am. My new life is so very,very difficult. Yet,i have the beauty of your sister,and your father around me with all of your memories . I never in a million years thought we would end up tragically away from each other,yet we did. And,I am forced to carry on. I keep you with me,always. I will continue to keep your memory alive and hand out Random Acts of Kindness in your honor,always. I am heartbroken. What you are to me,you know. And,my love for you will never waver. Love and miss you more than you can imagine.......Mom
Mom
January 26, 2022
191 months. One month away from an entire 16 years without you in them. HOW have I survived? If anything,I am MORE anxious and panicky than ever. I have made great strides the last 3 months in taking care of myself,but I find when any little thing happens i simply cannot handle it. I don't know what to do with my anxiety. I would love to sleep it all away,until life returns to MY new normal.but I still don't sleep. WHY am i ALWAYS tested? I have a gift of putting bad things to the back of my brain,but they manifest as severe anxiety so really,I am better off confronting them head on. But,i can't. I bury them immediately and then my reel begins. A work in progress your Mom is. A never ending work in progress. And, I am so tired. I miss you so much,it's unbelievable. There is nothing I can do. Except build a new life and that has proven much,much harder than one would have dared to admit. Love you and miss you more than you know. Mom
Lisa
December 26, 2021
190 months. Day after Christmas. Another quiet Christmas. Just me and Daddy. Noone could even get together in Conn. as Covid hit every one. We went for a nice buffet lunch and then took a ride to the beach. I very much miss the days when you and Randi would wake up,filled with anticipation for what Santa would have brought. When you guys got older,it was sad. Now,you left us and it's worse. I don't know how i get thru every single day without you,i really dont. You never leave my mind. What could I have done different? Said different? I just don't know. What i DO know,is I will spend the rest of my life thinking about you and wishing you were here. I hope you enjoyed your day yesterday with Gram and Gramp.They must be so happy to be with you,their Golden Boy...... Love you like you know...Mom
Lisa
December 25, 2021
Merry Christmas. What a year. This year,again noone could even think about traveling to us anywhere near Christmas, so it was that much lonelier . Christmas has not been the same since you left,one single bit but we try to make the most of it for your sister. Did you see your chair? You were here . I pray you are with my parents,your grandparents both this year and are smiling down at us,doing our very best. Love you like you know ....Mom
Lisa -Mom
October 26, 2021
188 months. I don't know Keith,but it seems the longer you are away from me,the harder it gets. It is so unbelievably hard to realize I will NEVER see you again. Shocking. Even just typing your name is odd. Noone really speaks of you anymore and that makes me so very sad. I am the torch carrier. The rememberer of all things Keith. Why did you have to leave me? I understand this to be fact,but i will never,ever get over it. EVER. I miss you more than you could ever know. My life has never been the same. Know that,as long as I am here,i will rejoice in my memories and feel so,so sad we cannot make new ones. Love you like you know. Mom
Lisa
August 27, 2021
Happy 36th Birthday,my beautiful boy. Wow.....today was another tough one. I am so sick with Covid,and now Daddy tested positive,our hands were very tied as we couldn't go anywhere we had wanted to. Our plan was to go to the Baseball Training Center and pay for some little guys lessons. In your honor,of course. I am so upset this is the first time i couldn't honor you on YOUR day,but I know you know why. As soon as I am clear,that is the first place I will go.I did get your cake and paid for a little guys 2nd Birthday cake as he is born on the same day as you ! One less thing for his parents to pay for. I wish with everything I am that I was picking you out some really nice clothes or sneakers, but it is not to be. "Celebrating " you this way for 16 whole years has not been easy. I miss you so much,i can't even put much thought into it. It hurts too much. Wherever you are,know that you are loved and missed beyond words. I know you spent today smiling at your parents,and your sister-who did such a good job of remembering you herself today, that it makes things a bit easier. My only wish is that I could see you again. Until that time ,i will continue to honor you. You know I know. Happy Birthday,love Mom
Lisa
August 26, 2021
186 months. Tomorrow is your 36th birthday. 16 birthdays we have recognized without our eyes seeing you. I have been so dreadfully sick with Covid....it just magnifies my sadness. Thankfully,we had already decided Randi would not come for your birthday this year. However,we did have plans tomorrow but I am quite sure you understand. I can go at a later date and do my Random Acts of Kindness for your birthday. I never imagined a day where I would be "celebrating" one of the greatest days of my life in this fashion for so many years.I don't know how I do it. This is my life. I will continue to honor you and smile at my memories until the day comes where we can celebrate in person. Love you like you know......Mom
Mom
July 26, 2021
185 months. One month away from your 36th birthday. 16 whole birthdays we have had to endure without you here. Unspeakable. How does one simply just cease to exist ? It is more than I can take most times. The silence is so loud. My life-our lives have changed so dramatically we are not even the same people. What is there to say? I miss you so much i cannot stand it. I do my very best to continue this life without you in it, but it continues to be extremely difficult. What a shame. I "see you" everywhere, and know you are always with me,but i would give every single thing i own for more time. Love you like you know....Mom
Mom
June 26, 2021
184 months. I sometimes don't know what to say. I look at your picture,and I get so incredibly sad. I absolutely cannot believe I have survived this long without one of my children. Your loss has affected me horribly,i am truly not the same person I was. I wouldn't expect to be...but I also didn't "expect" to be so very damaged. In retrospect I am not surprised. I love you with every single thing I ever was. Or will be. I feel like one half of my body has been ripped away from me. And,i cannot recover. I.CAN'T. Know that for as long as i shall be forced to stay on this Earth,i will miss you and honor you . I couldn't be more proud of how you were and thankful I was chosen to be your Mom. Forever.....you know I know....
Lisa McCarthy
May 26, 2021
183 months. Nothing has changed. Sometimes when I think of you,I ABSOLUTELY can't believe you aren't here. It is so shocking to me that we actually lost you,I just can't get over it. You.just.aren't.here.anymore. Horrific. I understand it to be true,I just can't get over,under or around it. My life without you is me between 2 worlds. It is simply too much for me. I function better when I attempt not to remember my loss....as if you just went away for awhile.But then my panic sets in and I start to relive everything and here I go again. You know how much i miss you.You know how hard i try. I just miss you far too much to move forward without you. Keep watching out for me and sending me signs. I'll wait. Love you like you know.Mom
Lisa McCarthy
April 26, 2021
182 months. April. Picture perfect weather. Windows open.....our kind of weather. Memories flood in. You with the ever present white tee shirt on,loving the breeze as much as I do. I was thinking,my great love of the outdoors really rubbed off on you and Randi. Thank goodness you both grew up right before video games took off. You had one and because you broke it,i never allowed you to get another one. Oh,you had the small game boy but it didn't hold the fascination it seemed to hold for all of the other kids. You were better off outside,running around,seeing what you could get into. You were into so many sports,it was hard to keep it all straight anyway. Kids today have no clue the joy of being outside hours and hours. You were so healthy. It just makes me so sad that you took such a wrong path. Some things i will never understand. I always look to the sky,always- and think of you. Where are you ? What are you doing? Are you thinking of me too ? I sure hope so.I miss you so much,i can't stand it. My memories can't make up for that. Love you like you know..... Mom
Lisa McCarthy
March 26, 2021
181 months. What to say. We are now over 15 years without seeing you. Mindblowing. It is more than I can take most days. I have so much anxiety,i don't know what to do with it. It is such an awful way to live life. I just can't fully describe what it feels like,day in and day out to live without you. I do it. I have no choice, But,i'm not REALLY doing it. I am going thru the motions. I go places, i see things ,but i am never fully present. Very confusing and very sad. I still can't believe this is my new life,even after all this time. I would give everything I have to go back. It just isn't meant to be. How do people move on? I do not understand. My family of four meant everything to me and this fractured family ,while the light of my new life,is nothing without you in it. I will continue to start each day ,with hope and promise ,knowing you are watching me and I hope I continue to make you proud. I know you know. Love,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
February 26, 2021
Here we are Keith,15 whole years have gone by since you left us. 15.i can't quite get over how that much time has gone by so fast yet so slow at the same time. I never thought I would even be able to get out of bed again without you in my life, yet I did it. One day at a time ,one step at a time and the years. Just. Went.
None of this has been easy. I don't like my life one bit. Sure I have alot of happy times as I still have your sister and Daddy ,but to live my life without you forever is really just far to much to ask. We shouldn't have to. I don't still understand why. I will never understand why. But,live my life,I do. It is a complicated life. With a lot of difficulty. I have so much yet nothing at all. Very hard to reconcile.
Know that no matter if it's 15,16 or 25 years the longing for you is far greater than I would have "thought" What you were to me was ,what you ARE to me is pure delight. And,I miss that beautiful smile. That short quick laugh. That wonderful sense of humor. I will never be the same.
You know I know.
Lisa McCarthy
February 26, 2021
Here we are Keith,15 whole years have gone by since you left us. 15.i can't quite get over how that much time has gone by so fast yet so slow at the same time. I never thought I would even be able to get out of bed again without you in my life, yet I did it. One day at a time ,one step at a time and the years. Just. Went.
None of this has been easy. I don't like my life one bit. Sure I have alot of happy times as I still have your sister and Daddy ,but to live my life without you forever is really just far to much to ask. We shouldn't have to. I don't still understand why. I will never understand why. But,live my life,I do. It is a complicated life. With a lot of difficulty. I have so much yet nothing at all. Very hard to reconcile.
Know that no matter if it's 15,16 or 25 years the longing for you is far greater than I would have "thought" What you were to me was ,what you ARE to me is pure delight. And,I miss that beautiful smile. That short quick laugh. That wonderful sense of humor. I will never be the same.
You know I know. Love forever,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
December 26, 2020
178 months. Day after Christmas. What can I say? Time heals nothing. The more time that goes by,the more I miss you. I can't believe i have to spend the rest of my life without you in it. I simply cannot believe it. What a nightmare. I don't ever wake up from it. How can this be? Such a beautiful child. I don't understand. I will never understand. I can't spend too much time on it. It is far too much for me. I miss you so much, words cannot express. You know I know,and if i could be with you again,i would. Until all four of us are together again,i spend my life trying to make you proud ,wishing so hard things could have been different. I love you. Mom
Lisa McCarthy
December 25, 2020
Merry Christmas Keith. Another Christmas without you here. Our 3rd Christmas spent without Randi. It really doesn't make much difference, as the holiday doesn't hold much meaning anymore since you left,but at least we could make Randi happy. I so miss the days you and your sister were little and everything was so exciting. I am so glad we gave you everything. The memories we made will now last me my lifetime. I will never be the same. Until we can all be together again, I'll just recycle my memories and just remember.....You know I know. I love you and I miss you more than you could even imagine. Mom
Lisa McCarthy
December 25, 2020
Merry Christmas Keith. Another Christmas without you here. Our 3rd Christmas spent without Randi. It really doesn't make much difference, as the holiday doesn't hold much meaning anymore since you left,but at least we could make Randi happy. I so miss the days you and your sister were little and everything was so exciting. I am so glad we gave you everything. The memories we made will now last me my lifetime. I will never be the same. Until we can all be together again, I'll just recycle my memories and just remember.....You know I know. I love you and I miss you more than you could even imagine. Mom
Lisa
November 26, 2020
177 months. Also,today is Thanksgiving. Another holiday without you here. They stopped mattering a long time ago. I do what I have to do because the traditions are ingrained in me and earlier,it would not have been fair to Randi,but I care less and less as time goes by. It ,and they are just days on the calendar. Gone is the fun the anticipation of the day would bring. Be it the turkey in the oven,sweet potatoes simmering,Easter pies or Christmas lists. Everything stopped. The world stopped turning. It.just.stopped. I can't make it start again and frankly,it can't ever be the same without you here. I think to myself how horribly sad it is that you are gone and I still can't believe it. I just cannot believe it. What a great kid you were. I find myself laughing out loud sometimes when I remember something. Running into the den,and sliding into the magazines ,falling down and Daddy yelling "SAFE" ..Walking in from Trick or Treating exclaiming "mommy,my butt stings" telling your teacher you had to leave early to pick up your son,then whipping out a picture of Dylan... I just laugh out loud,and I want more of those. They just stopped. Death is cruel. It has destroyed my life. I am so very grateful for Daddy and Randi,but what I really want is my little family of four back together again . You know I know. Love you always.
Lisa McCarthy
October 26, 2020
176 months. 4 months away from 15 whole years without you here,Keith. I simply don't know how I have survived. My health is not good, and that is due in part to the stress and anxiety i live with,daily. I try so hard to do my very best to make the most of every day,but i just can't move forward. My little family of four is gone. What I wished for my whole life....a son and then, a daughter... gone. All i have is your wonderful sister Randi and Daddy,but it just isn't the same. It just is not. I will continue to wake up every day and do my best to carry on,knowing I have to,spreading Random Acts of Kindness in your honor ,waiting for the day we can all be reunited and be a family again. I love you so much and miss you terribly. You know I know......Mom
Lisa McCarthy
September 27, 2020
175 months. Time has gone so quickly, yet so slowly. I just can't believe we are at almost 15 whole years without you in them. It makes me so incredibly sad. Sad to think of all the endless possibilities you possessed and the life you had ahead of you. Heartbreaking,really. Daddy,Randi and I try the best we can to keep moving forward,but we really are lost without you. This has left a huge hole in our family that can never be replaced. What to do. I myself ,will continue to write about you,remember you, talk about you as much as I can ,whenever I can and never forget the magic you had. You know I know. Love,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
August 27, 2020
Happy 35th Birthday, to you. This is the 15th birthday we are celebrating without seeing you. I can't tell you how sad this makes me. The silence is deafening. I miss everything. I remember everything. What would you be doing? Who would you be? Would you be married? I think of all of these things.
Today,Daddy and I are alone,as Randi could not travel to Florida due to the Covid virus ,so we are going to go out and eat your favorite chicken wings,then head over to an indoor skate park and pay for some boys to skate and on the way home pick up your birthday cake. I also paid for someone else's birthday cake for today as well. I hope I am making you proud. I miss you,I love you and I hope you are having a wonderful birthday,wherever you are. You know I know. Love ,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
August 26, 2020
174 months. Tomorrow is your 35th Birthday. I can't believe it. 35. 15 whole birthdays without you being here. Almost as many as you here. How have I survived? My stomach is such a mess and I sleep even less,if that's possible. I can't focus on anything. I see you as you were,then I see you as I didn't want to So.very.still. Absolutely earth shattering. I cannot get over it. What I wouldn't give to have you with me. I miss you so much,i can't think. Know that ,everywhere I am,you go with me and my thoughts are always on you.....I know you know.Love forever,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
July 26, 2020
173 months. Sundays are tough. It's the day you left us. It was always our best family day. I have the best memories of Sundays gone by. When I was growing up,Sunday was afternoon "dinner " at my grandparents house,but noone does that anymore as we all have so little time to relax,what with work,school and sports ,Sunday was our day to investigate ,go out to get a pizza or burger and just be together. When you guys got older,it got harder to always do things together,as you wanted to be with your friends,so i truly appreciate the memories we made. That Sunday you left us shall never leave my mind,my thoughts, my grip on reality. You not being here,still- always is just far too much for me. I take one step at a time,one day at a time ...one minute at a time. I know you know and I just miss you. Love,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
June 27, 2020
172 months. 2 months short of your 35th Birthday. That will be 15 whole birthdays you have not been here. I can't even believe that. I think to myself, what would you have been doing? Would you have a family? Children? Where would you be? 20 years was just not enough. Our family is not complete without you. We were never meant to be a family of 3. It breaks my heart every single day. I miss you so much,words can't even describe. I continue my life for Randi and Daddy,but know that my life without you in it is pure hell. Miss you more than you can imagine and love you more than you ever hoped. Mom
Lisa McCarthy
June 26, 2020
172 months. We are coming up on your 35th Birthday birthday. 15 whole birthdays without you here. What would you be doing at 35? I like to think you would be married,and have your own family. Wouldn't that have been great? It just wasn't meant to be.i miss you so much,I can't stand it. I just can't stand it. I live my life for Daddy and Randi ,but our life just is not the same without you. You know I know. I love you.Mom
Lisa McCarthy
May 26, 2020
171 months. Summer is coming. Our favorite time. Windows open,sun beating down, grill on,beach time. Hours and hours at the beach,only to drive home and jump in the pool. What a life. I re live all those moments we had. You and Randi had the best childhood. You really did. What I didn't have,i tried to give to you.Maybe too much I think. Now? I am forever grateful i did. I have not one regret over anything we bought you. Or any place we took you. I wish we could be making more memories more than you could ever know. It is so very sad to me. I will never see you older than 20. I actually still cannot wrap my head around that. I just can't. I would give everything I have for one more minute with you. Love you like you know. Mom
Lisa McCarthy
April 26, 2020
170 months. Such a very long time. My ,our life has changed so drastically without you here,it's just astounding. I am so tired. I want my old life back. Our family of four is all I ever wanted and nothing seems to work right since you have been gone. It is all too much. I don't sleep enough, I never feel good,i have so many issues,i just get so frustrated . Of course we had issues before,but it was a much happier time. These past 14 plus years have done some real damage to me. When I look in the mirror,boy. Have I aged. I know we can't ever go back but I want you to know that i miss you more than my words could ever convey. I will never recover. Love you like you know. Mom
Lisa McCarthy
March 27, 2020
169 months. 14 years and one month. Life marches on for me and I find myself trying very hard to move forward which is very hard given I am in a new state with no friends or family. Huge adjustment.way more time to think .Less sleep. Panic attacks out of nowhere. I wish I could wave a wand and change my life but I can't.I wish I could just wake up one day and have a brand new outlook,but it doesnt work like that. I will continue to move forward,one day at a time,knowing you know I know,and trying my very best. I love you.Mom
Lisa
February 26, 2020
168 months. 14 years. It is now 14 years since you left us. Today is a tough day. I think of you always,but today exhausts me. I try so hard to move forward with my life,but my mind doesn't let me rest. Never for moment would you ever be forgotten,but it's very confusing and distracting for me to live in two worlds. I would give up everything I have to see you again. Everything. But,I know I can't have that.I miss you so much,I dont know how I have survived this long without you. Know that my life goes on because it has to but living without you is something I never dreamed I would have to do.I love you. You know I know.. Mom
Lisa McCarthy
January 27, 2020
167 months. Leading us right to February and 14 whole years since we got that awful phone call. I honestly can't understand how this much time has gone by. I do not understand how we have made it. One foot in front of the other,day after day turned into month after month-year after year. I miss you so much i can't believe i've made it. If it weren't for Randi and Daddy,i couldn't have continued. When I think of what you may have been, what you would possibly be doing- well, i just get heartsick. I don't know what you would be. Who you would be. But,i do know you would still be my child. Always. And, i would love you. No matter what. That will never change. Your loss has changed me in so many ways ,i don't know who I am anymore. I struggle in so many ways and I often wonder if it's worth it. I shake off that thought and keep my eyes on my Randi and how much she loves and needs me and my heart on my memories with you. You know I know. Love and miss you so very much. Mom
ashley
January 16, 2020
Recently I have found myself dreaming about you and the good old days, i was recently in Connecticut visiting Jessica and for some reason being there made me sad because it made me think of you and my father and all the wonderful memories that i had in CT, I drove by your house hoping maybe it was all a dream.... Miss you and I hope you and my father are spending time
Lisa McCarthy
December 26, 2019
166 months. 2 months away now from 14 whole years since you left us. 14. I just can't believe that much time has gone by. How have we survived that long? And, continued to get up every single day and move forward,yet remember you at the same time? It is so confusing for me. I see my life in two halves. They meld into one,but they are really 2. My before life,which I see as awesome,yet very flawed. It had its usual family issues,but there we were, a family of 4-always together. My new life,has been navigating thru the world without you,yet always flashing back to my old life while trying to move through this new life,while remembering you,always. People,places and things. They always hold memories. Good,bad or indifferent. They tell me what I had was truly worth remembering and what I lost was devastating. I shall live the rest of my life wishing you were still with me. I carry you with me. Always. If you were here,well, i would be the happiest Mom ever. What we had,you knew. Love you more than you could have hoped and miss you more than you imagine......Mom
Lisa McCarthy
December 25, 2019
Merry Christmas. Here we are another one without you. Our second Christmas alone as Randi did not come again this year.This year was tough. We had your chair ready of course and we opened our presents with Randi over the phone.I decided I wasn't cooking this year,so we went to a waterfront buffet that was gorgeous. For some reason just walking up to it made me start to cry. I always feel so bad for us when I see families,all together and I imagine the happy morning they had. It just takes me back,and I know we wont ever have another Christmas together-ever. Just tears at my soul. Today,we took our time,appreciated the gorgeous weather, the food and the scenery. If only both you and Randi were here today ,it would have been perfect. I miss you so much,I cant take it. You know I know. Love,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
November 27, 2019
165 months. One day late. I was traveling yesterday. I went back home. Yes,to Connecticut. Ginny was flying in to see Gram for the first time in 10 years ,so I wanted to surprise everyone and be there so Gram would have all three of her daughters together. It was such a great surprise. Only problem was,you and Grampa were missing. Oh, i know you both were there in spirit,and i know you were both so happy,but,it was such a LOUD void. I always know my loss,but when we all finally get together with the very small family that we have, you really realize how much you are missed. It was such a great visit. I could not bring myself to go by our beautiful home, it would have been too much for me. Seeing everyone and visiting yours and Randi's friends and their children gave me such joy,i didn't want any more unnecessary sadness. I wish I could have stayed thru Thanksgiving, but I didn't want Daddy to be here all alone. I am back to my new home now. And,i am glad. It is just so very peaceful.Going back made me realize I needed to break away and that I can take you wherever I go. And,i do. You are always with me. But, if you were really with me.... well, the joy I would feel. You know I know. Love you,Mom.
Lisa Mccarthy
October 26, 2019
164 months. 4 months away from 14 whole years without you in them.I simply do not know how I have survived this long without seeing you. And,I don't know how time passed so quickly,so very quickly when I didnt even think I could ever get out of bed again.It has been a trying,upsetting,difficult new life mixed with moments of happiness,which makes it so very confusing.I understand I need to live my life,and I do. But I just can't fully LIVE my life without you.I just miss you.And,I know you know...Love you forever, Mom
Lisa McCarthy
September 26, 2019
163 months. This is September. Randi's birthday just passed and Daddy's is a few days away. I always think how our birthdays are so in line,mine coming quickly in October. August this year was very hard for me. One of the hardest i've had for quite some time. Being in a new state with no family base and no friends is very hard...and the realness of it really hit home for me. I may not say much out loud about you,but I always think about you even when I am not "thinking " about you. So, being home,where everything is familiar was very helpful. I love it here,i do but it takes quite a bit of getting used to. Especially the quietness of it all. It gives me more time to think,which in my case,is not good. It has been suggested to me that i try to turn my thinking around and not reflect on you going away,but I have always seen that as me forgetting about you so ,while it makes sense to me,it is also very confusing. My brain is "set" this way and i will have to work hard to change it. I don't wish to be sad and I am not always sad...but I miss you so much it is the only way i know how to show it. You mean the world to me and i want my life to reflect that. I know you know . I just hope i can figure it out. With more love than you could imagine. Mom
Lisa Mccarthy
August 27, 2019
Happy 34th Birthday. I wish with everything I am that you were here for your birthday,but you are not. I don't think i could possibly miss you more than i do. This life without you is so very hard.So unhappy. We all miss you so much.what a bright,bright light you were. Today,Daddy Randi and I are going to Universal to share a day of peace and kindness with some deserving people I pick out :) Then,we will come back home and have birthday cake for you AND Randi as again this year,we won't be with Randi on her Birthday. Since your birthdays are 10 days apart...you won't mind sharing your day with your one and only sister. I wish I could rewind time but I can't. All I can do is relive and remember the beauty that was and still is you. What we had,you knew. I miss it every single second of my life. Happy Birthday.Love,Mom
Lisa Mccarthy
August 26, 2019
162 months.Tomorrow is your 34th Birthday. This is a very hard month. This is one of the hardest months I've had in a very long time. I see it isn't ever going to get easier,the longing just gets stronger. This is 14 whole birthdays without you in them. I cant get over that. We still celebrate you. You are with us,always. I would give everything I have if you could be here.Tomorrow,me,Daddy and Randi will spend the day together at Universal Studios,making new memories with our thoughts on you,never forgetting for one second that you should be with us.....love you like you know...Mom
Lisa Mccarthy
July 26, 2019
161 months. Heading into August.You're 34th birthday. 14 whole birthdays without you here. 161 months without seeing you in front of my eyes. How can this be? How did it go by so fast? How did I survive? Lots and lots of therapy. I don't or can't always practice what is preached to me,but I try my best,everyday to live my life making you proud of me. I cannot believe I will never see you again.it is a horror I just can't recover from. I miss you more than you can imagine and love you like you know. Mom
Lisa Mccarthy
June 26, 2019
160 months.I can't say my life has been easy at all. I am just a different person without you. I so miss my before life,it is all I dwell on.While my before life reel plays,I move slowly and painfully thru my new life which I despise .I only live it because Randi is in it. A life without you and Randi,I never imagined. Of course I have happy days. But the trying days overwhelm me and I just cannot help myself.I miss you more than you could imagine and love you like you know.Mom
Lisa McCarthy
May 26, 2019
159 months. Such a very long time. I can't believe i will never see you again. It breaks my heart. I am in Florida now. But,Randi is still in Conn. and this is "our" kind of weather. Picture perfect blue skies....windows open. You and I just loved it. I was telling Daddy,remembering,really,how much time we spent at the beach those summers you and your sister were little. Days on end. You would bring one friend and Randi would bring one friend. Then, we would go home about supper time and jump in the pool. You guys were so fortunate, i got to stay home and not work until you were 15 and Randi was 12. Oh,the memories I have. I miss you so much Keith. 20 years was just not enough. You know I know. Love,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
April 26, 2019
158 months. Time continues to move on. April is ending and we are heading into May. Before we know it,it will be August and your 34th birthday. How is that even possible? 14 whole birthdays without you here. I see you everywhere I go and feel you in everything I do. What would you be doing ? Would you have your own family? Your own children? A great job, a home? Would you still be struggling? All of these questions are unanswered. They torture me. 20 years was not enough. You gave us so much joy. Tinged with sadness. I want my old life back. I see we don't get a second chance. I will just have to remember that while you were here,you lit up our world and that will simply have to do. The sadness envelopes me. miss you terribly. Love you like you know. Mom
lisa mccarthy
April 21, 2019
Happy Easter. Our very first alone. Actually,the month after you left us, we put Randi on a plane to see Ashley and get her mind off of everything and did not realize it was Easter...omg,we were like,what did we just do? We didn't really want to have a holiday,but we also didn't want to be alone. It was okay,we knew Randi was in good hands and we didn't have to put on a fake face. This year,we are in our new home with no family or friends. It is just another day. Daddy and I are going out for lunch. I am very tired. I have not slept well in years. Lately,it's worse. I don't understand it,but my mind is so full,i just can't seem to stop thinking. I was told by my therapist when I think of you,to smile instead of be sad and I am trying that. It simply can't replace the pain of never seeing you again,but I can smile over what we had, I just wish there was more. Happy Easter. Love you like you know. Mom.....
Lisa Mccarthy
March 26, 2019
157 months.Seems like forever already. The days go on and on. I am trying so hard to move forward,but my brain is so stuck. I know you want me to be happy,and sometimes I am...followed by guilt.Our life together made me happy and I can't get that back.Try as I might,I just remember my before life.I understand what happened ,but I can't accept it. I will continue to push forward,knowing you want me to find happiness and acceptance ,but know what we had was my joy,and without my family of four,I am not whole.Love you like you know.Mom
Lisa Mccarthy
February 26, 2019
Here we are.13 years. An unbelievable 13 whole years I have been writing to you instead of actually seeing and talking to you.How I ever survived this long is beyond me. The sadness and the longing just grows. Of course,I go on with day to day activities,but I am not the me I used to be.I am missing a very important component of my being.Nothing anyone says,or does can change that. We won't be together.I won't ever know your family,your children,your joy.And that,is far too much. Today,Randi is with us,as usual and we are planning a lovely day together,making sure we remember the joy that our family of 4 was. Missing you more than ever and loving you more than you could ever know. Mom
Lisa McCarthy
January 26, 2019
155 months. One month away from 13 whole years since you were with us. Our before life. I've said it often-I don't much like this new life. Yes,i have glimmers of nice days,but nothing compares to the joy of having my family whole. With the laughter,the adventure,the frustration and the tears. We were a family. A complete family. Now? We are a fractured family. Confused,unfocused,forgetful...clinging to the past. Wishing we had more time. Wishing we did things differently. Knowing we did the best we could. Did we ? Love can't save someone. Memories flood my brain. Daddy and I and Randi cling to each other like a tight little unit,unspoken that we don't speak of things that could hurt each other or make us sad. But,we know what we saw and how we feel. And,our life without you is so very different. You made your mark We simply can't forget you. Nor would we want to. You lit up our world. I miss you so much,sometimes I can't breathe. Know that I know you know and right now that will have to do.
Love you like you know. Mom
Lisa Mccarthy
December 26, 2018
154 months. The day after Christmas. Exhausting. Yesterday morning,I made Daddy and I breakfast and as we were eating,I just started crying.Overwhelmed with the fact,that although we already understand you will not be with us,Randi also was not with us this year.The silence.My gosh...the silence. I hope people appreciate what they have in front of them.The fact that we have survived 154 months ,knowing each and everyday we will have to wake up again to NOT see or hear you is mind boggling.I ask myself all the time how I will do it.Yet,I am doing it.For Randi who watches everything I do...I will do it. Day after day.I miss you terribly. Love you like you know.Mom
Lisa Mccarthy
December 25, 2018
Merry Christmas. Again,you are not with us. This year,you or Randi are not with us as we are in our new home in Florida and it was much harder than I thought it would be.We had grown "accustomed " to you being with us in spirit,but always had your chair ,right there ready for you.This year..it was just Daddy and I and ,yes your chair...and it was brutal. We made the very best of it but I see our lives will never be the same. I can always see and talk to Randi.I can never see you again.And that,is very ,very hard to understand. You are loved and missed missed than you can imagine .Mom
lisa mccarthy
November 26, 2018
153 months. Thanksgiving just passed. Our first without both of our children and in our new home. It was unforgiving. I kept myself busy cleaning and cooking for my friend who is also away from family for the first time,but it isn't the same. We all know I am not one for holidays since you left,but the traditions...well,they rule my mind. Randi will be here in 2 weeks,and I am so excited to see her. I think of her often,and how she must feel. Funny,i always think of how others feel without you and don't let myself dwell on ME. I can't. It is far too painful. I am sad enough thinking about the pain it caused everyone else.
This new life is so,so hard. I am so very forgetful and unfocused. Still. Always. I just miss you terribly. I just really miss you.
Love you like you know.....Mom
Lisa McCarthy
October 26, 2018
152 months. My chest is so tight. I know i should just cry and get it over with...but I fear i will never stop. So,i don't. It's very hard,i think,to make people understand exactly how it feels to lose a child. I look perfectly fine,most days. I feel like complete crap every day. I NEVER sleep right,everything hurts and I'm always ,always unfocused. It isn't getting better. I sure have happy times,but there is always that underlying...yea,so what? Keith wasn't here to see it..feeling. I am so tired from missing you. So very tired. My life without my two children is brutal. I simply can't get thru it. I will wake up every single day and move forward for your sister,but know that if I could have saved you...well, wouldn't that have been something?Love you like you know. Mom
lisa mccarthy
September 26, 2018
151 months. It is an absolute shock to my system that you have been gone 12 whole years,approaching 13. I do not know how we survived. Time just marches on. It just goes and goes and goes. Nothing about these years has been easy. Nothing. Especially,the loss of you....now with Daddy being ill and us moving away from our beloved home. All new. And,scary. As Daddy likes to say "Big Girl Stuff" lol. It's so beautiful and serene here in our new home,but you know the deal...someone is always missing. It never makes me happy-happy. EVER. Friday is Daddy's birthday,he will be 65. Tomorrow is his very last day of treatment,so that is a very nice gift i think. This was a nightmare added to our large move. Randi turned 30 a couple of weeks ago,meaning she has lived 10 more years than you have already. Heartbreaking. I will be 56 in 2 weeks. I always liked all of our birthdays right in line like this. Now,the "leader of the pack" is gone. I don't know Keith. I'm terribly sad. I am lost without you, Absolutely lost. And,there isn't anything I can do about it. Love you like you know. Mom
Lisa Mccarthy
August 28, 2018
Happy 33rd Birthday.Your 13th birthday not physically here with us. That means 13 Birthdays I have been writing to you instead of seeing you.I could never have imagined a world where that would happen.And,yet...here we are.Recycled pictures,over and over again ,never seeing a newer,older Keith. What would you be? Would you be married? Have a family? Still be very close to your sister? I hope that to be true. We don't know.What we DO know is everyday is a struggle.We are so used to,it has "become"us. It's exhausting,and old.But,it isn't going to go away.You aren't coming back.
So,I will continue to live my life with one foot in the future and one in the past,never once forgetting when life was pretty darn great,with its stressors and aggravation ,yet we always had our 4. You are always right here.
Happy Birthday Keith
You know I know.....love you,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
August 26, 2018
150 months. one day away from your 33 Birthday. Your 13th Birthday without you physically here.How we "celebrate" you without you actually here,i don't know. I believe you are 23,28,33 somewhere. So,it is a complete disservice to your memory and your being to NOT have something for you. Randi is here,of course,visiting us in our new home...and we will be spending the day at Sea World tomorrow...a happy place,sharing Random Acts of Kindness in your Honor,and celebrating yours,and Randi's birthday as we can't be with Randi this year. Wherever we all are,so are you. Always.Never ever forget that. You know I know.... Love you always,Mom
Ashley
August 26, 2018
I wasnt quit sure where to go to share my thoughts and feelings to you .... the last couple weeks you have been in my dreams and they say that dreams are like visitation and that comforts me. I still cant believe its been 12 years or cant even believe this ever happened. I wish we could go back to the good old days when life was happy and easy. I ask myself how would things be between us if you were still around ? Our love for eachother was real and i will forever miss you always! Until we meet again happy early birthday! And make sure your keeping my dad entertained !
Lisa Mccarthy
July 26, 2018
149 months. Another month passes us by.They just all run together.Months turn into years,fast but very slow. Still,you don't return. I think to myself,how did this even happen? And....how did we even survive so long? It's so confusing.I want so bad to be happy-happy and I know you want that,but I just can't be.Your absence stands in my way.Everything we have to be happy about,you have missed. I just can't come to terms with that.so,I try my hardest to just live my life day to day,as hard as it is,but my heart and my head are always with you.I know you know.Love,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
June 26, 2018
148 months. And,wrapping up our very first month in our new home in a new State. Didn't think I'd ever see the day I could leave our home,but after 32 years,iwas ready. Had it been a few years ago,never. But,i've been realizing over time that a house IS a home and i can bottle you up....all my memories and take you anywhere.No matter where. I won't say it didn't hurt. I absolutely loved our home. But,i needed to become anonymous .The adjustment is tough,it's very,very beautiful and so quiet,but we know noone. And,it's a big adjustment. I will be okay. I have all of my Keith and Randi things around me and I look at them daily. I spend alot of time ,just thinking-HOW did this come to be ? 148 months since i have seen you. So unbelievable. So very unbelievable. Now,listen to me. I need you. Daddy is not well, and I need some help. The next few months are going to be hard for me alone taking care of him. I know you won't let anything happen to Daddy....so watch us extra close......as always,I know you know.....Love you,Mom
Lisa mccarthy Mccarthy
May 26, 2018
147 months.Big changes.we sold our beloved home of 32 years and we are on our way to our new home in Florida.I didn't think I could be so brave but we took alot of time...and made smart decisions and I just felt -ready.you are with me.you are ALWAYS with me.The memories made in that house FILL me with joy,sadness,regret,emotions all over the place.But I can take those with me.The house HELPED us make them,but our family created them I can move those memories anywhere I go.I know you are okay with this.I know you want your Mom to try to finally be happy.I know YOU know I KNOW....
Love you like you know.Mom
Lisa McCarthy
April 26, 2018
146 months. Can't get used to it. It isn't normal. It just isn't. We go about our days,doing what NEEDS to be done...but there is always that missing piece. I don't think it will ever make sense,or be any easier. You should be here. That's it. You should be here.
Daddy and I have taken HUGE steps these past few months,having put the house on the market,after 32 years ,and are making our move to Sunshine and supposed relaxation. We are in the final stages now of making that happen and it has taken ALOT of therapy and acceptance to get to this point. HOW can I leave my beloved home ? I finally realized you are always with me and while you lived your whole life,with Randi right here,in this home,we love ,i can take you and all of your memories with me. This house MADE the memories. It did not make you. We did. This house helped make you-us happy,sad,frustrated...but we can take those memories wherever we go, And,a new fresh young family can come in and love this home as much as we have. I truly believe that. As hard as the end will be,i will be okay. I know you are okay with this. You want your Mom to try and be happy. I know you know.Love,Mom
Lisa McCarthy
March 26, 2018
145 months. So much time. So very long without seeing you. I simply can't get used to it. The longing to see you is just so terrible. I think sometimes,those first few years,i wasn't wasn't even really aware. I don't even remember much. They literally flew by. Now,here we are, 12 whole years and i think "how did that happen?" when i don't even remember the first few??? We don't seem to be much different,stuck in a holding pattern of disbelief. We 3 understand what has happened,but it is really all just too much. Impossible. So,we choose not to focus on it. But,when I do.....I just miss you SO much,i can't stand it. Love you like you know. Mom
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