Mary Poyner York Murray

1949 - 2022

Mary Poyner York Murray died on September 11, 2022, of pneumonia and sepsis. It was a quiet, misty morning, and rain pattered gently on the roof as she peacefully died in her sleep with her husband of 49 years, Matt, and her oldest daughter, Miller, at her side. At the time of her death, Mary P. had used a wheelchair as a quadriplegic for 39 years, and while she endured her condition with bravery and strength, to know her spirit is joyfully free at last is of great comfort to her family and friends.

Mary P. was born on August 17, 1949, in Raleigh, N.C., to Mary Smedes Poyner and James Wesley "Willie" York. Her beloved grandmother Gran, also named Mary Smedes Poyner, lived right around the corner from their family, and Mary P. spent many happy hours playing with Gran's trained poodles, having circus parades with her cousins while Gran pounded out a piano accompaniment, and eating Gran's famous oven-dried buttered toast in bed after Saturday night sleepovers. Mary P.'s mother was a renowned beauty and accomplished actress who kept their house full of jazz standards, dramatic recitations, and delicious desserts like Butter Cake with Caramel Fudge Icing. Her father Willie York was a developer who established York Properties in Raleigh and built Cameron Village, York Industrial Park, the Velvet Cloak Inn, and many more. Her eldest brother James Wesley York Jr. is a theoretical physicist who taught at Princeton University and UNC Chapel Hill and won the Heineman Prize in 2003. Second brother Smedes York served two terms as Mayor of Raleigh and is the Director and Chairman of the Board of York Properties, Inc. Third brother Vance York was an avid collector of art, furniture, books, and records who died in 2002. Mary P. was proud of her illustrious family and whiled away many afternoons sharing her fascinating and hilarious childhood stories.

Mary P. graduated from Broughton High School in 1967 and UNC Chapel Hill in 1971. She was a gifted student, particularly in math and science, and made many cherished lifelong friends as a member of Tri Delta sorority. After college she moved to San Francisco, Calif., to an apartment with a view of the Bay, (if you stood on a chair in the kitchen), that her close friend, author Armistead Maupin, helped her find. She met her husband Matthew Brundred Murray at a rugby match, and he was instantly smitten with her glamor and quick wit. They were engaged by their second date and married five months later.

Daughter Jean Miller Brundred Murray was born in Portland, Ore., in 1974, while Matt completed his studies at Lewis & Clark Law School. They moved to Virginia, where Matt had grown up, one of eight Murray brothers, on Panorama Farms in Earlysville, Va. Daughter, Mary Smedes and sons, William Shirreff and Wesley York were born in Charlottesville, where all four children currently reside. Mary P. was the consummate home maker, baking bread from scratch every week; building an enormous dollhouse complete with bespoke furniture, curtains, and doll clothes; throwing lavish birthday parties with handmade party dresses smocked to match the balloons, streamers, and homemade cake; and engendering a love of reading and theater sustained in her children to this day.

In 1983, Mary P. had the diving accident that rendered her quadriplegic. Her determination, perseverance, and pure grit drove her to double her efforts to be the most active and engaged parent she could. She learned how to drive using hand controls and chauffeured all four children to a dizzying array of activities. She never missed a soccer game, back to school night, or single performance of any play. She made all doctor's appointments and co-authored all science fair projects, corrected all grammar and typed up all college applications. She sent out 250 beautiful Christmas cards every December. She threw two sumptuous, legendary weddings. And she did it all in pain with grace, patience, perfectly coiffed hair, and a touch of Revlon Coffee Bean lipstick. She was always there for her children, the best emergency contact because she never failed to pick up the phone.

In 2004, Mary P.'s granddaughter Iris Mitchner was born to Miller and her husband Lee Susen, followed in 2006 by her namesake grandson Murray Poyner York. She hosted them for lunch practically every weekend of every year of their lives, worked countless puzzles and read board books through Agatha Christie mysteries with them, enjoyed their plays and admired their art projects, avidly followed Iris' college application process, and of course regaled them with wise and witty stories.

She was the most beautiful and courageous mother and grandmother, the most vocal advocate and our fiercest supporter. No one will ever love us like that again, and we know we were lucky.

In lieu of flowers, send cookies. Just kidding; our amazing friends and family have showered us with those already, and thank you. Donations to The Miami Project to Cure Paralysis, https://www.themiamiproject.org, would be welcome. Mary P. is buried next to her mother at Oakwood Cemetery in Raleigh, N.C.