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John Pappas Obituary
John was loved by many. His favorite place on earth was Cherry Grove, NY on Fire Island. He often said that it is where he felt most at peace. It was where he spent his final day surrounded by friends and where his ashes will be scattered.
Memorial gatherings will be held later this summer in New Jersey, New York City and Cherry Grove. Gifts may be made in memory of John to Smile Train, the LGBT Center in New York City and to the Cherry Grove Dune Fund.
Further details and arrangements will be announced as available.
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Chesley Hicks
March 23, 2025
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Chesley Hicks
March 23, 2025
Happy birthday to our beloved and profoundly missed John. Here are some pix that recently surfaced from 1.4.2024. XOXO
Nicholas Pappas
August 28, 2024
Nicholas Pappas
John was my first cousin. His father and my mother were brother and sister. John was an important part of my childhood. As a family we moved around a lot, but John (wherever we were) would usually come and spend some time with us in the summer.
It´s been a real joy to read John´s friends writing about their memories of him. The qualities that you describe in the man were evident in his childhood. He was always the person who was the most fun and interesting to spend time with. He was genuine and caring, the person who it was comfortable to be yourself around. As a child, he and my sister, had a special bond and even though at the time she was not comfortable being away from home overnight, she would go and stay with John in Leonia. John was that person who made you feel safe.
As an adult, I would see him too infrequently, at family occasions. No matter how long it had been since I last saw him, it never felt like any time had gone by. I remember seeing him at a funeral and latching on to him. He was the only person I could talk to about my struggles with depression and the medication I was taking without feeling judged, that was John.
When I learned that John had died, I selfishly felt sadness for myself. The guilt, why hadn´t I reached out? The memories of old conversations and the regrets for the ones I never got to have.
The last time I spent time with John was at my brother´s wedding, it wasn´t enough. But I am grateful that I got to meet his special person in Rory and they got to meet my special person, in Carla. Since John died, she has listened to me sharing all my memories of him; for me that is how he lives on.
Like all of you, I could go on and on. It is evidence of a life well-lived when someone is gone, and you never want to let go and so you don´t.
Barbara Barone
August 24, 2024
Our family is getting together to celebrate John´s life. We are thankful to Rory for arranging this gathering because John was devoted to his family. And we are thankful that John had Rory in his life. The picture we have shared is from Christmas Eve a few years ago. John never missed a family event. He loved spending time with his parents, his sister Christina and nephew Patrick. After his dad passed away, John didn´t hesitate to be there for his mom. He was loyal to her until she passed, taking such great care of her. John was an amazing son, brother, uncle, and cousin. We miss him tremendously!
Rest in peace and love,
Mark & Barbara Barone & Family
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Chris Stoddard
August 16, 2024
I just learned of John´s passing this evening. My condolences to John´s family and to Rory. John was a dear friend with a big heart. We met in college where we shared our love of music, drank a lot of beer, and laughed ourselves through Syracuse winters. He would bring us all to his house where his dad would make us a steak dinner before heading to the city where we´d hit the East Village, Dancetaria or the Crowbar.
I had just left John a voice mail concerned I had not heard from him in a while. I said - hope you´re doing ok, perhaps you´re away on big vacation, unplugged and away from it all... Wherever you are John, your laugh and loving spirit remains with your many friends. Rest in peace.
Ed Buckley
August 16, 2024
I am so sorry to hear about Johns passing. I am experiencing an odd sense of loss given that I have not seen nor spoken with John is nearly 40 years. But the truth is that John had a significant impact on my younger self as a kid growing up in Edgewater. We met at Leonia High School and lost touch shortly after college. But as I mentioned, John was a large presence for me back them. I saw my first Broadway show with John and have many fond memories trapsing around Leonia, Manhattan, Cony Island, wherever with him. Many memories watching movies or listening to music and simply talking and laughing together. John could really make me laugh. He was such a unique and genuinely caring, generous, funny and intelligent person. I am saddened that we never managed to re-connect.
John
August 11, 2024
It still does not seem real and I am not sure it ever will. John was my first cousin, there are 4 of us first cousin John´s on the Pappas side. John William, as we referred to him within our family so we knew who we were referring to, was not just my cousin, but more importantly my friend. I will miss our conversations on everything from politics to just everyday life. I will miss your smile and laugh. I will miss your unique perspective on all things. But most of all I will just miss you! John took my husband and myself to not only to our first gay club, but our first 4 gays clubs, all in the same night. He introduced us to his happy place, Fire Island, where he took us yo our first drag show. Later that night he walked us to the Ice Palace for our first gay underwear party (he did not go in with us, but wanted to make sure we got there safely and gave us the ins and out of what to expect. Whenever we would go into New York, John would always insist we stayed with him, and take us on these "short" 15 mile walks a day, to show us New York, the way he saw the city. There are so many "John William" stories that we will always carry with us!
Love you Cousin! Miss you Cousin!!
Susheela Varky
August 11, 2024
Susheela Varky
August 11, 2024
Susheela Varky
August 11, 2024
John was irreverent and hilarious. I was literally just thinking of him the night he died. I love and miss you, John.
Susheela Varky
August 11, 2024
Our respective families moved into houses in Leonia around the same time (~1972). In fact, our backyards abutted each other. I remember going into the city with John in high school and college. I will never forget John´s crazy laugh and how kind and generous he was.
Rosemary and Marianne
August 5, 2024
John doing his favorite thing just a few days before he left us. The Grove will not be the same without him.
Mia Drogaris-Watson
August 2, 2024
John was my cousin. He always smiled and was quite the jokester. He would always have me laughing. His smile brightened any room he entered. I'm going to miss you John. We all are. I love you.
Love Always,
Mia
John G. Pappas
August 2, 2024
John G. Pappas
August 2, 2024
John G. Pappas
August 2, 2024
John G. Pappas
August 2, 2024
John G. Pappas
August 2, 2024
Stephen Rosato
August 2, 2024
Reading through all of the lovely memories of John, from those he knew so well, is both comforting and heart warming. I had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know John when we met at the Cherry Grove Inn so many years ago. Like many, he impressed me with his seemingly unending knowledge of movies and music. And while our musical tastes were vastly different, there was always something I could learn from John and was always entertained by his stories of his East Village adventures. I think the one thing I will miss the most is unique laughter.....no one laughed like John. I always knew when he was in residence at the Inn because I would hear that laughter before I even saw him. Dearest John I know that you are spreading that laughter even now, as you dance eternity away to your favorite tunes. You will be very missed, but I'm glad I was among the many, many people in Cherry Grove that knew you. May you rest in peace and my heartfelt sympathies to Rory. xoxoxo -Stephen
Dan Miron
July 30, 2024
It´s still so hard to believe that John is gone. For 30 years he was an important part of my life. So many instances of both good and bad times. He was the kind of friend who was there for all of it, and we helped each other through many spots. I was so looking forward to a happier phase in his life after all the transitions of the last few years. We´d just worked on refurbishing the bathroom in his NY apartment, and had had our continual cultural exchanges. I'll always treasure having seen movies, live performances and music with him, staying up late talking about art and life. I´ve read a book and watched several movies he passed onto me within the last couple months. I´m truly saddened that our time is at an end, but glad we all have great memories of his smiling generosity. My condolences, Rory, and all who loved him. He was a great guy, and, as fitting, had truly wonderful friends. Fire Island has lost a gem.
Charlie Mulkeen
July 30, 2024
John and I became friends shortly after I moved to NYC in 1993. Thinking back on the years of hanging out, movies at his place, nights out in the EV, John´s passion for film and music, the endless bull sessions with our mutual friends ... What stands out most in my memory is John´s kindness and compassion. He was always thrilled when things were going well for a friend and the first to be there for someone when life got rocky.
Love and gratitude to his partner and best friend, Rory. Thanks to everyone for sharing these memories and photos. The image of John Pappas in his Sex Pistols T-shirt is timeless!
Love to you, John, always. Rest in peace, mon ami.
Josie Gray
July 30, 2024
I was lucky to have met John at the very beginning of his relationship with Rory. So easy to like and hang out with. I loved long conversations with him. I laugh to think how I was at a loss about most of the cultural references he would make, even if I wanted to pretend I wasn´t, but he was happy to tell me and bring me into his excitement and knowledge. I learned a lot from him! I did love his sensibilities about music and culture. We also could bond about politics. And dark humor! I told him he was the nerdiest cool kid I had ever met. During my own tough times, he came through with surprising emotional and practical insight. With Rory (and I recall a few times just me and John), we had fun evenings out in the city together. There also were many wonderful "at home" evenings crashing on John and Rory´s couch, watching drag and weird comedy. And of course, you both helped me discover and fall in love with Cherry Grove, and the dear community at the Inn, which also became an important happy place for me, too. Even though we haven´t hung out in a few years, I can vividly hear John´s voice in my mind right now, his expressions, his laugh, his teasing and just pure enthusiasm for his friends. My heart breaks for you, Rory, and for all his closest friends. It is tragic that we lost him. I really would have liked to sit on the Grove Inn roof with him with a mixed drink, at sunset, again.
Christy Davis
July 28, 2024
I met John in 1995. We immediately bonded over our taste in music. John turned me onto the band the Wedding Present, which we saw together along with the Cramps, The Orb, Yo La Tengo and the list goes on.
One of the most thoughtful people I have ever met, John never missed a birthday and I still have a collection of DVD's, CD's and books that John gave me over the years. A true lover of film, music and books, John never ceased to amaze me with his knowledge of and passion for all three mediums.
John was a special human, a dear friend to all and I want to express my deep condolences to Rory and to John's family. His laugh resonates with me and I carry that laughter today as I celebrate him and the full and enriched life that he lead. Much love to everyone. -Christy
Rory Beelek
July 28, 2024
Brian Benjamin
July 27, 2024
Brian Benjamin
July 27, 2024
Brian Benjamin
July 27, 2024
Brian Benjamin
July 27, 2024
Brian Benjamin
July 27, 2024
I met John on the first day we moved into Cherry Grove about 19 years ago. We immediately struck up some conversations about music and politics. We told some jokes and shared a few beers. I knew that day that this guy was going to be a friend for life.
Today was our first day back in Cherry Grove since losing John. It has not been easy. Every where I look I see John. That being the case, we decided to celebrate John. We drank a Frozen Fire Island, John´s favorite drink. Tonight we toasted the sunset, another of John´s favorite rituals. Today´s sunset was particularly colorful and special. I will think of John every time I look at a sunset.
Dan and Jenny Friehs
July 27, 2024
John was intelligent and always shared his pride and love of NYC. He was a light in Rory´s life for many years. May his light continue to shine from above. Much love to Rory and family. Love Dan and Jenny.
Matthew Moore
July 27, 2024
John and I met in 1989. I used to get to New York as often as I could because it just seemed easier to be gay in Manhattan as opposed to my hometown of Boston back then. John was still in New Jersey, but there was no doubt he would move to Manhattan as soon as he could.
As with so many others, he introduced me to music and movies I otherwise never would have listened to or seen. Some of it stuck. Some of it didn´t. But he was inspiring in how he directed so much of his energy to helping and supporting his friends and loved ones.
We managed to stay in touch all these years and he meant the world to me. I´m so glad I got to see him in his summer habitat of Cherry Grove over 4th of July. It was immediately obvious why he always called it his "happy place." Like all of us here, I hoped for many more years, but am grateful for the time we had. My deepest condolences and love to Rory, family, and friends.
Sue King
July 27, 2024
i loved talking all things music with John and we enjoyed so much Cherry Grove nightlife together. what a loss - he was part of the fabric of The Grove and just the most wonderful human. Love to you Rory.
Donna
July 27, 2024
Met him at the Ugg Shack (at 2 in the morning). We immediately bonded over 80s alternative, and we never once ran out of things to talk about! Sending love to all who knew him and miss him, especially darling Rory.
David LeBarron
July 27, 2024
Wow. I am at a loss. Crushed. John literally saved my life once, years and years ago. He was always so honest and true and loving. Rory, he will definitely hold a huge place in my heart. Geography and time separated us, but I always see that smile! Huge smile. I am going to watch an episode or two of Xena. I will find the laughter. I promise. I love you, John.
Chesley M. Hicks
July 27, 2024
Joining all of you in what still feels an unreality. John was easily one of the most enthusiastic, generous, and supportive friends I´ve ever known. In the 30 years since we first met at the underground zine/book store where I worked and John was a regular customer (for deep-dive eclectic film zines, of course!), he´s shown up, over and over again, as an unfailingly loyal and-also fun-human.
We saw each other through so many phases of our lives, it´s difficult to grasp that we´ve reached the last that we can share here on terra firma. But then, as anyone who knows John can attest: he was always early! Sigh. I make a joke because John´s humor is another of his outstanding attributes that mark how I will always remember him.
John´s eagerness to share what he loved (movies, music, books, people and places!), his inclination to get into a good cultural debate, his passionate yet always open and smart ideas, his openness in general, and-I can´t overstate this-his sensitive, perceptive devotion as a friend were nonpareil. This list goes on. I have been lucky to know and love him.
My heart breaks for all of you who love him, and Rory, especially for you in all you´ve lost, suffered, and managed with profound equanimity in the last two weeks and will beyond. I can barely imagine. In John´s name, my love to you all.
(I have numerous photos and hand-written notes from John over the years. I will sort through the various archives to re-find them.)
Tracy Bucek Federico
July 27, 2024
Tracy Bucek Federico
July 27, 2024
Tracy Bucek Federico
July 27, 2024
Tracy Bucek Federico
July 27, 2024
Tracy Bucek Federico
July 27, 2024
Tracy Bucek Federico
July 27, 2024
John and I were friends since the 7th grade. I'm not quite sure how we originally met, but I remember him asking me out, and me punching his arm and rolling my eyes, saying "John! You're like my best friend!" I'm not sure how the two of us managed to even become friends. We were polar opposites. He liked punk, I liked pop. He'd listen to the Sex Pistols, and I had a crush on Leif Garrett. He knew about cinema and directors, I couldn't be stumped on Brady Bunch trivia.
But, friends we were, and that friendship lasted all through High School, and through his college years at Syracuse, and mine at University of Delaware, and finally into adulthood. After a while, as life moves on, we were separated by distance, but our friendship stayed strong.
Our high school years were spent hanging out at both of our houses, ordering pizza from Donnas, and eating lots of Haagen Dazs. He said my house smelled like good cooking. His house always smelled like fresh laundry to me. Our houses were a mile and a half apart, but I'll be damned if John wouldn't walk me halfway home on cold nights when neither of our parents could pick us up.
We would make weekly trips to the Golden Eagle Diner in Palisades Park, nicknamed The Dalton Diner by someone in our hometown. We'd eat burgers and fries - God, THOUSANDS of plates of fries. We'd make fun of the hostess - this blonde girl we dubbed "Secretariat" because she would run laps around the booths and the counter.
We did everything together - nights in NYC - Danceteria and the Village until the sun came up. Stopping at White Castle in North Bergen and stuffing ourselves with murder burgers at 3 am. Roller skating at the rink in Paramus - Yes....John on roller skates. We used to kid him that he was as graceful as Frankenstein on skates. High School parties at his house where there seemed to be an endless supply of Michelob nips.
Once we grew up, and I moved to Virginia, we didn't see each other as much. But we would talk on the phone - Sometimes for hours, just like I was still on my teen phone in my parent's house.
A week before John fell ill, my family and I were staying at his NY apartment, and for some reason he needed to come back to switch out some clothing. I got to have lunch with him and run some errands, and then while he was packing he told my 22 year old daughter (who idolized him) stories about our growing up together. We gave him a ride to Penn Station so he could get back to Cherry Grove. I hugged him, told him I loved him, and thanked him for his incredible generosity.
I am so thankful to whatever forces that run this universe gave me those last precious hours with my best friend. John and I spent a good portion of our lifetimes together, and it's really, really hard to think my phone is never going to ring with a "Hey, Tray" when I answer. That I'm never going to see a glimpse of that HORRIBLE handwriting on a card or note. You were kind, you were funny, and you were so incredibly generous.
I really love you, Pappas.
Melanie Klug
July 27, 2024
I learned from John devotion and love.
Dan Friehs
July 27, 2024
We will remember John for his intellect and passionate love of NYC. But most important for the light he shined in Rory´s life for many years. May his light shine brightly above. Love Dan and Jenny
Niels Thomassen
July 27, 2024
Cynthia Revesz
July 27, 2024
Dear Rory and family, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. John was a handsome, sweet, smart, fun and generous soul. Remember the good times and know that he is with you always. Sending love, light and prayers. Love, Cynthia
Rory Beelek
July 27, 2024
I was truly lucky to be with John in Cherry Grove on his last day and in his life the twenty years prior. I am grateful to all of John´s friends in Cherry Grove, New York City and elsewhere for being a special part of the life, friends and family John loved. Please keep a place for him in your heart.
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