Marie Fain

My wife Marie was a very strong, independent woman who had a strong love for God and her family.    She put others needs before herself and had a beautiful smile that was absolutely infectious.    She had the ability to encourage other people in the midst of her own battle with cancer.  I remember many times people would ask her "How are you doing", and she would reply, "I am doing just fine, how are you doing"?   I don't think I ever heard her answer that question.   She always turned it around and made it about the other person, not herself.  It was always about others before herself.    She had a tremendous love, caring and zeal for life.

My meeting Marie and our first date:     The first time I saw Marie, she was working as a waitress, and I thought, Wow, who is that.   I had the good fortune that when I sat down, she waited on me.   We made small talk, but that instant attraction was there.   I knew I had to get to know this lady, but I was shy about asking someone out on a date.   I went in several times over the next few weeks and she always waited on me.   One day, I had this great idea, or so I thought.   We had a mutual friend named Diane.   I called Diane to see if she thought Marie would go out on a date with me and to see if Diane would try and set up a first date, being the big chicken I am.   I asked Diane if she thought Marie might go out on a date with me and she said, “Why don’t you ask her yourself” and handed Marie the phone.    All I can remember is saying, “Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah”, stuttering and sounding like an idiot.    Finally, I got it out and asked her if she would like to go out to dinner.   She immediately replied, “Yes, I would” and we went out on our first date on November 1st.    When I came home that evening after the date, my roommate ask me how it went.   I told him I had just went out with my wife, that I was going to marry her.  We were married one year later to the day, on November 1st.    At our wedding reception, a couple of the ladies Marie worked with told me that the first day I walked into the restaurant, Marie asked them who that Policeman was and told them that whenever I came in, she was going to wait on me, regardless of what area of the restaurant I sat in.   It appears the attraction was mutual.  

 

Our first years together were good, although rocky at times, as is all marriages, but when Marie and I were married we made a private vow to each other which paraphrased our wedding vows, that no matter what, Quitting was not an Option.   I can recall a few times that rule was put to the test, but we held on through those rough times and grew stronger with each success.    We were both old enough at the time to realize that a strong marriage is more than starry eyed love, it takes hard work to build up a life together, but at the same time we made time for each other, despite all the demands of raising a family and work.  Our marriage grew by leaps and bounds after we became Christians.   Throughout our marriage, I always made a habit of calling Marie and asking her out on a date.    I didn’t stutter too much anymore and she always said yes.   We made quiet time for ourselves were we could and when we became “empty nesters”, we found we still had a strong marriage and we just enjoyed each other’s company.

When Marie was first diagnosed with cancer in the summer of 2000, we spent a lot of time talking about it.   Most of this time was spent in God’s word and Marie decided early on that the cancer would not dictate our lives to us, that God would lead our lives.   We read and studied a lot of scripture, but these three verses reflect the center of how we dealt with the cancer.

 

Matt 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.   34 So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.   

 

Phil 4:13   I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

 

Ps 118: 24    This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

 

The first passage reflects that God would lead us through this time and not to waste our tomorrows worrying about the cancer, God was in charge and the second passage is that we would draw our strength from God.   By doing this, it allowed us to enjoy each and every day to the fullest, until the Angels took her home 8½ years later.

 

When the kids were little, Marie was a single mom and raising them in a small Northern California town of Willow Creek (about 50 miles east of Eureka).   She realized that they had no chance to succeed in life trapped in that little town.   The schools were terrible and there was simply no opportunity to get ahead.    So she moved the kids to Eureka and took two jobs to support them.   After nearly a year in Eureka, she realized that although better, she still wanted to give them a better chance for a better life.     She moved again, this time to Santa Rosa, where the schools were much better.   Due to this, all of the kids have succeeded as she intended for them to do.   It was a great personal sacrifice, working two jobs most of the time, moving from the only life she had ever really known, in order to make this happen.   All of the kids (now Adults) look back and wonder if they would have the courage to drop the life they had become accustom to, pull up and move twice, working two jobs in order to give your kids a better chance at life, but she did that for them.

 

Marie had a deep, deep love of her family and her family was the crown jewel of her life.   She loved her children and grandchildren and they were always at the center of every conversation.   She loved her grandchildren and they were the twinkle in her eye, her pride and joy.    She developed her own special relationship with each child and they returned that love many fold to her.

 

When Marie and I talked, a lot of our conversations centered around family and what was going on with this one or that one.   Her love for her kids and grandkids really knew no bounds.   Her grandkids could sense her love and really responded to her.  She knew she wasn’t going to live long enough to see all of them grow up and that tore her heart out.

 

Now one thing Marie could be, that most outside the family did not see, was she could be ornery.  She did have a bit of a quick temper, but could not hold onto the anger at all.   I use to tease her and call her “Rattlesnake” and she would just give me that look that every husband knows.  If you don’t think she could blow up, just ask the kids.   All of them knew you only went so far with her and then you faced her wrath.  

 

Marie’s Dad, John, lived with us the better part of ten years, moving back and forth between Idaho and California.   Her love and strength of family, she in the end became a parent to her parent as he looked more and more to her for his needs as he aged.

 

Marie was an avid quilter and made quilts for her family and for Lymphoma research.   When she decided on a particular quilt she was going to do, we would go to the Sacramento and Bay Area quilt shops for fabric and a nice lunch or dinner.   We always made a day out of it.   Actually, I use to tease her telling her she was on a mission when she started a quilt.   She would get so focused, but she absolutely loved making them.   When we got away for a weekend somewhere, we always found the local quilt shop and it was against the rules not to purchase some fabric for the stash.   She was particularly fond of the Amish designs and we made one trip to Amish country in Shipshewana, Indiana where she tried to buy all their fabric and almost succeeded. 

One of Marie's particular enjoyments was color and the use of color.   She had a very astute eye for color.   Not only with quilting but with other ways they were used.   In 2004, we remodeled our home, each room from ceiling to floor, new paint, fixtures and flooring and many other little items as we went.   She spent hours, no days, going through colors at the paint store, looking at all her fabrics and in quilt stores and anywhere else she could find different colors.     As she begin to decide on what color to paint each room, I begin to think, "Oh no".   I didn't have the heart (or courage) to tell her that each room clashed with the next.   However, I didn't say anything and begin to work on them.   As each room was finished and we moved onto the next, I begin to realize something.   Each room took on an independence of it's own, just like the strong independence of the Lady I fell in love with and married.   Each room took on the personality of Marie.   I should have known better.

Another area we enjoyed was Genealogy.    We traced our ancestry back many generations and found out many interesting things, but one find amused both of us.   My great, great, great grandfather was Charles Fain and he and the family migrated from South Carolina into middle Tennessee.   Marie’s great, great, great grandfather was Joseph Holden (Marie’s birth name is Holden) and he and his family migrated from North Carolina into the same area of middle Tennessee, all in the early 1800’s.   Charles Fain was the preacher for the Enon Baptist Church and when we looked at church records from that era, we found many of her family attended the same church.   In fact, Charles Fain married many of the Holden’s.   One marriage we found that we often kidded each other about was one my Fain’s married one of her Holden’s.    We had thought that we were the first Fain-Holden marriage, but we were not, some of our ancestors beat us to it.    We always joked that we found out we were cousins and maybe we were, about 8-10 times removed.

Our daughter Shelly writes the following two stories about her Mom.

 

Where’s My Purse?

 

Our family was fashionably late to most occasions throughout my childhood, not because there were numerous children to get ready, but because the entire family was engaged in searching for Mom’s purse!   She never put it in the same place twice and the keys were never in the purse.   So once the location of the purse has been ascertained it was onto the next search for her keys – spice cabinet, freezer…you name it, we found them there.

 

A few years ago, Mom and I were going out to lunch.   Trained long ago, I had already located her purse and keys before we got ready to depart.   Foolishly thinking we were ready to go I headed outside.   As I closed the door, I heard, “Now where is my cell phone?”   Dad bought her a cell phone!   What was he thinking!!!   Now there were 3 things to find before anyone could get out the door!   We had to call it to find it.   By this time I was feeling a tad impatient, but we were done and headed toward the door again when I heard, “Just a minute honey, I need my sunglasses.   I got some new prescription sunglasses.”   I can’t call sunglasses!   They could be anywhere!   Anywhere proved to be next to the corn meal in the refrigerator.  We also had to find a jacket.   I will spare you the details.   Suffice it to say we actually left the house to go to lunch 45 minutes after our first attempt at departure.  Feeling very successful that I actually had her buckled in the car at this point Mom turned to me a little confused, “Now where were we going?   Let’s go to lunch first.  I’m hungry.”

 

Her Furry Grandchild

 

Anyone who knows Mom is familiar with how much she loves her grandchildren.   She could never have enough of them.   In recent years applying pressure to me to add to her collection was one of her favorite projects.   A little miffed after her plaintive plea that she needed at least a dozen I joked that the only grandchild she would get from me was my cat, Tucker.   From that day on, periodic e-mails would arrive for the cat.   All of them signed Grandma of course.

Born: Nov 06, 1943 in Monroe, Louisiana

Died: Nov 27, 2008 in Citrus Heights, California

About: Marie was a faithful member of the church of Christ and a member of the Roseville Quilters Guild

Obituary


FAIN, Marie
Marie peacefully went home to the Lord on November 27, 2008, with her family at her side. She was born on November 6, 1943 in Monroe, La., to John Wallace Holden and Lola Marie Varnell. She is survived by her husband, Mark Fain of Citrus Heights; daughters Terri Sundberg (Alex) of Rohnert Park, Leora Pahos (Theo) of Sacramento, Shelly Oswalt of Carmichael, son Charlie May (Kim) of Auburn and two brothers Steve Holden of Lenore, Idaho, and James Holden (Judy) of Spokane, Wash.; and stepchildren Wendy Bickford (Dan) of Santa Rosa, Cindy Allocco (Scott) of Vancouver, Wash., and Mark Fain of Grass Valley. She also leaves behind ten precious jewels, her grandchildren Amanda and Josh Sundberg, Nicole, Michael, and Tyler May, Marie and Vivian Pahos, Dominic and Miles Bickford, and Dalton Wooten. She was preceded in death by her parents and two sisters, Dora Lee Oswalt and Diana Holden. Marie was a retired paralegal who last worked for the State. She had a passion for life and an amazingly beautiful spirit. Her love of God and family had no bounds and she especially delighted in her grandchildren, cherishing every second she spent with them. Marie was an avid quilter and spent much of her time making quilts for family and various charities. She confronted lymphoma with the same positive energy and unyielding determination with which she tackled all of life's difficult challenges. She was a source of strength and inspiration to all who loved her. Marie's gorgeous smile, immovable will, and beautiful spirit will be forever remembered, forever missed. Her memorial service will be on Saturday, December 13, 2008, at 1:00 p.m. at the North Metro Church of Christ, 4191 Norwood Ave., Sacramento, Calif. Burial is private. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Lymphoma Research at the U.C. Davis Cancer Center, via the web site at: lymphomaweb.com/index.html