Romy Yoh Obituary
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Yunchung Hsu
October 7, 2021
Where is this place? I cannot even remember now! The only thing I realized now is wherever you are that is where heaven is!
How come I did not realize that before?
I miss you so much my dear!
Yunchung Hsu
October 3, 2021
Mourning on a Sunday morning(ad 334)
Wake up on this early Sunday morning, looking at all your fulfilling smiles on those photos, I wept...
What is that I mourn? Your loss of life at this young age? the end of your pleasures? the elegant way of enjoy your favorite ice cream?
the loving way of showing your affection to our beloved dogs? My insatiability for your presence? or is it my own loss that I mourn?
The knowlegedge that you are upstairs, at home, always be there when I need you... Your support? your love? your assurance that when things went bad they would be better? Am I trying to cling hopelessly all those years of our life together? my desperate loneliness without you? or is it my loss of meaning in life that I mourn?
Yunchung Hsu
October 2, 2021
Yunchung Hsu
October 2, 2021
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Yunchung Hsu
October 1, 2021
Yunchung Hsu
October 1, 2021
Yunchung Hsu
October 1, 2021
Yunchung Hsu
October 1, 2021
Forever love
Yunchung Hsu
August 11, 2021
The spiral staircase of grieving mindfully (ad270)
Today's weather has to be one of the best this year. It is dry, cool, comfortable and the blue sky was crystal clear in the early morning.
Romy left us exactly 9 months ago (270 days) and it is also Lynn's birthday today. Romy always remember birthdays of all families.
She would wake me up in the morning and told me we should call Lynn at the right time - not too early and not too late-. I called Lynn last night so that I do not have to wake her up in a Saturday morning. Romy would understand my inadequate timing to congratulate Lynn's birthday. How can life be continuous like before without my dear wife?
The ability to love someone is the most precious characteristics of human being.
Love is why we are grieving. Acknowledging this love is an affirmation of our relationship, our grief and our capacity to share ourselves with another human being. Human nature is to seek permanence in this impermanent world. Actively finding meaning in loss is the heart of grieving mindfully.
I was starting to read this book titled "grieving mindfully" more than two weeks ago. The author believes in Buddhism and I have some difficulties to understand his concepts about grief and life itself. I have to read some chapters multiple times just to grasp Buddhist way of thinking about impermanence of life and radical acceptance toward bereavement.
The pleasures of this world are as temporary as morning dew on grass - cool and refreshing, but vanish quickly. On the other side of human experience comes when we are depressed, we assume permanent. When we are grieving, the pain and suffering can be so intense that we may even stop taking care of ourselves. When we experience this suffering for a long time, we stop living in the moment and become stuck in the illusion of the permanence of our suffering. We disempower ourselves and falling to a black hole which become so difficult to escape from it.
Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings and thoughts. Grieving mindfully is trying to consciously aware of the intense pain of love after loss.
There is no way you can escape from the suffering of acute pain. Instead of running away, the concept of radical acceptance teaches you to turn around and embrace this deep emotional pain and distress. The goal of practicing mindful activities is not trying to stop ourselves from feeling. Mindfulness should not make you numb to pain or immune to normal human emotions.
To be mindful is to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. You will still get upset, feel joy, anger or frustration. What changes is the way you witness these emotions. You are paying attention to the transient nature of your feelings and are more able to accept them and soften your feelings. As times goes on, the pain and distress of grief lessen, the grief itself changes and blinds into your life.
The grief unfolding in the form of a spiral because spirals are unending and amorphous.
Even though the grieving process maybe periods of renewal, you will also experience feeling of intense sadness and loss that may seem like setbacks. You may feel if you are right back to where you started. But most likely you are actually making gradual progress up a staircase of growth and the whole staircase is your revolutionary journey through grief. The spiral staircase has its own timetable. It cannot be rushed or slowed down and it often seems like it has its own natural life span. Grieving mindfully involves accepting that traveling the spiral case is often a marathon, not a sprint. Radical acceptance does not mean torturing yourself silently, quietly bearing a heavy burden, desperately waiting for it to disappear. Close friends and bereavement supporting groups have many widowed people willing to share their experiences and give you emotional support as you travel loops in the spiral staircase.
I never thought grieving Romy's death can be this hard and lonely. Also I do not think I can survive those difficult periods without support from others.
Looking at her smile on those photos all over the room, it is difficult to accept she is gone for 9 months already. Instead of thinking about her struggling near the end, some memories of our life together started to come back more and more often. Books talking about being able to recall memories of all of our life together is a critical component of healthy grieving and hopefully I am making progress along this spiral staircase.
Miss you so much on this special day, my dear Romy!
Yunchung Hsu
August 11, 2021
The Gleaners (ad 280)
Two hundred and eighty days since she left, I count every one of those days because I miss her every day and every day is long and difficult without her.
Grief is a daily challenge to our assumption about the world. Although grief is impermanent and the pain and distress of grief might lessen, it doesn't disappear. For better or for worse, in order to grow spiritually from suffering, we must deal with suffering and feel the fire of emotional pain. We may feel very depressed, even hopeless at times. This emotional intensity of grief is actually a manifestation of how intensely we live our life and how much we can love others.
With grief, it is more helpful and realistic to focus on resilence and hardiness - being able to feel and adapt - rather than on recovery or "getting over it". It would be more realistic to conceptualize grief as gradually being folded into your life. Grief also demands that you accept that loss is part of our lives. Often in grief, the presence of emotional pain means that there is more right with you than wrong with you! Since the root of your pain in grief is love, if you suffer pain from loss, it is a hard proof that you are capable of love and other associated emotions like compassion, forgiveness, and generosity in life.
We grieve in our life because we love and love is eternal!
Miss you so much - Dear Romy!
Yunchung Hsu
April 8, 2021
I am imperfect,
You are imperfect,
Love is imperfect,
but that it was what we had.
When open my journal and talk to you every night,
I can assure you without hesitation that I keep my promise to you all the time.
Please take care of yourself on the other side of the river.
The day we meet is not too far away because
"Love is eternal"!
yunchung hsu
April 6, 2021
his is a section of letter sent to Lynn during the weekend...
Strangely, even when my father was in his 90th and Aunt Siao Ying in her last few years I still felt their love, companion and support. I could share feelings, difficulties and life with them without hesitation.They were always my most loyal moral supporters under all circumstances. I always felt warmth when I talked to them. Although they were fragile, difficult to move around but you could feel their wisdom and unconditional love for you. They were struggling but they wish the best for you - even in their final days.
After aunt Siao Ying passed away less than two years ago, I had a feeling it had profound impact on your mom. She felt lonely and sad without being able to visit and talk to her aunt anymore.
I miss your mom and think about her all the time, but I also miss those loving families too - especially all of a sudden, I become an orphan, widower and the oldest person in my immediately families. I miss them very much, particularly on this Chinese memorial day!
Yunchung Hsu
April 4, 2021
I cannot bury her ashes , we are too close to each other all our life. We never separate since we fall in love in Stony Brook. I know she hates complete darkness, I cannot bury her ashes in the cemetery and leave her there. She needs to be with me.
She is with me all the time, at home or out of house. There is a pocket next to my heart in my coat.
I carry a bottle of her ashes with her hairs and picture in a small bag whenever I go out. Her ash urn sits in her family cabinet - the only family furniture left from Taiwan when they moved to NYC 57 years ago.
I talked to her, cry with her and think about her all the time. I hold her ashes tightly in the woods whenever despair seems to hold my whole emotions. I need her, I cannot continue my life without her support. With my companion, she will not be afraid and lonely in the darkness anymore and we will be together with each other forever. We will be buried together someday after my death.
Oh dear God, I want Romy back please...
I borrowed a VCR machine and bought a tape recorder, watch and listen to old tapes and try to find trace of her in our life together. I am so disappointed at myself that I never thought of keeping a record of our life together. The idea of separation in my life time never come to my mind - not even once. We have so much time to plan our future and enjoy our life together - do all love stories have a happy ending?
I miss you and I love you so much. Do you know that - my dear Romy!
Young couple in Love<br /><br />
Yunchung Hsu
April 1, 2021
Young couple in Love
Yunchung Hsu
March 30, 2021
It's human nature to hold on to love; it is also grief's blessing and gradual memory loss that I come to realize that there are limits to my ability to do so. To hold on to love, I had to keep on capture and remind myself the love we had all those years. That's why I keep on writing about her and us, no matter how poorly my writing is. It would be about love and what love had brought, about death and what death had taken. I would keep on writing that love continues, grief teaches and she is always in my mind...
Patty Nagle
November 29, 2020
I am so sorry to learn of Romy's passing. Her brilliant and talented mind accompanied by her incredible work ethic were only surpassed by that wonderful dry sense of humor. My deepest sympathy to her family and many friends. Rest in peace.
yc hsu
November 25, 2020
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
Kuo and Mei
November 16, 2020
We would like to offer you and your family our deepest condolences on the passing of your beloved wife.
Betty Chang
November 14, 2020
Dear Romy,
Where should I start to recount our friendship and memory?
Where should I start to remember our good times being a close friend?
I miss those times we were chatting and eating in The Hartford’s cafe.
I miss those years we were the most closeby neighbor among friends.
I miss those laughters in our countless gatherings and parties.
I miss your pitched voice that brings so much fun when we karaoke.
I miss your tasty foods thatonly the restaurant could compete with.
Thank you for your warmth and love being part of my life.
I miss you dearly! My dear friend! Please rest In Peace now.
You will always be in my heart.
Love,
Betty
Linda Chen
November 14, 2020
Romy was like a big sister figure to me. When both of my kids were in kindergarten, Romy shared her valuable life lessons and experiences with me on how to raise kids in the U.S. More than twenty years have since passed, and I thank her for the two wonderful adult kids I have today. Romy was also a phenomenal cook with great hospitality. She always invited engineers from Shanghai Boiler Work to her house for dinner parties, and everyone always had a wonderful time and did not want to leave. I also appreciate the numerous cooking tips she gave me, but I would never match her cooking talents. Above all, it was always clear that Romy cared so much for her family and friends. When both my husband and I were away for international business, Romy and Yun-Chung looked after and took care of my daughter. We lived on the other side of West Hartford, so I am truly grateful for the things she helped us out with during those times. This is such tragic and sad news to hear that such a wonderful sister and friend has left us at such a young age. Romy will be forever missed and will always be in my heart. My sincere condolences to the Hsu family.
Love,
Linda Chen
Yim Hom
November 12, 2020
I couldn’t believe we lost touch for 30 years but what joy when we finally sat in a coffee shop and talked for hours and hours. It was like we were never apart. True friends, you said. I miss you but you are always in my heart, my friend.
Lana Burshteyn
November 12, 2020
Romy was such an incredible person: whip-smart, full of energy, very honest and very kind and generous! I also always admired her creativity and her incredible sense of style!
I can’t believe she is gone!!!
Rest in piece, my friend! My deepest condolences to the family!
Jonathan Tang
November 11, 2020
The nicest person I ever met. Rest In Peace and god will watch over her family. Love from her neighbor, the Tang family.
Lisa Korstanje-Lee
November 11, 2020
I loved working with Romy at the Hartford Insurance.
After we both retired we met a couple of times a year for tea at Whole Foods in West Hartford and talked about both our travels.
You will be in my thoughts.
True love
November 11, 2020
Yunchung Hsu
November 11, 2020
Romy's true live
Yunchung Hsu
November 11, 2020
July 4th neighborhood parade 2020, last healthy photo;
,,...,
Yunchung Hsu
November 11, 2020
Love is eternal
Yunchung Hsu
November 11, 2020
Happy moment in colorado river.
Your absence has gone through me like thread go through a needle, everything I do is stitched with its color
Karen M Jurczyk
November 10, 2020
Romy was such a fun, interesting, smart, and creative woman. She told it like it was and did it with flare. I especially enjoyed her recounting of her trips back to her homeland. My condolences.
Michele Saavedra
November 10, 2020
I enjoyed working with Romy at the Hartford. She had a keen eye for programming and process. She shared her travel experiences and her fashion sense. She was a breath of fresh air, with an insight into life. I pray your memories of her will give you peace and keep her alive in your hearts.
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