Barbara Claire Schafer

Barbara Claire Schafer passed away on Thursday, March 12, 2026, at home surrounded by loving family, she was 77. Barbara was born on July 14th, 1948, to Captain Fasting Wathne and Marguerite Styles Wathne at 12:12 am in Jersey City, N.J. Her parents predeceased her, Fasting at somewhat of a young age of 63, Marguerite at the age of 93 and still sharp as a tack until just days before her passing. Barbara had one sibling, John Wathne, nine years her senior, who predeceased her. Her sister-in-law, Sue Wathne, resides in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, nephew Richard of Idaho and niece Allison of Carmel, NY. Barbara will always be her father's "little girl". He would bounce her on his knee, even as a teenager and sing his Norwegian baby songs. Marguerite was a child of the Great Depression; she was strong, independent, and the rock upon which a family could be built.

Barbara is survived by a loving family; some here in the Hudson Valley and others spread around the States. Her boyfriend and her have been dating for 60 years, married for the last 58 years. John Russell Schafer and Barbara lived in Wappingers Falls for 48 years in the same house on Crabapple Court, a special place on this planet. The last five years they have resided with their daughter, Amanda Pantaleo, and son-in-law, Nick Pantaleo, and two grandchildren, Abbey (12) and Andrew (9). This has made her final journey easier. There are the Schafer's of Virginia; Barbara's first son, John Jr. and daughter-in-law, Diana of Manassas, VA, their three sons, Barbara's grandsons, Stephen (31), Ryan (29), and Kevin (26). Stephen and his angel Taylor (wife) have given Barbara her first great grandchild, Brady (1), who just took his first steps this month. Barbara's second son, William, of Fairfax VA, and his son, David (26), who lives in Tucson AZ. Barbara was gifted with six grandchildren and one great grandchild. She believed in life at the moment of conception, cherished the days she could nurture a baby, a tigress of protection, a guidance counselor when it came to college choice and future education.

There was a time when Barbara said, "how are we going to pay for college for our children". I said we will have to face that when it comes. Barbara said, "I think I will get my RN" and so she did in record time from Dutchess Community College. She passed her boards with flying colors and began her 23-year career in nursing. She started at Central Dutchess Nursing Home in the village of Wappingers Falls, moved on to Craig House Hospital in Beacon, spent some years on the night shift at the Montrose V.A., took a position with Astor Home (Dutchess County BOCES Beta Site) and then finished her career with Dutchess County BOCES. She believed in parents' rights to know what their minor children are doing. She loved the adolescent mind with all the "drama". God bless her!

Barbara is dying in the adjoining room as I write this. Death does not come unexpectedly with this disease, which I refuse to call dementia and implore all who read this to delete that unfortunate label and call this unresolved mystery, CD, Cognitive Decline. Barbara's

journey started in her late sixties, early signs not recognized at first, but needed much support and supervision over the last five years. She probably had a mixed type of Alzheimer's and vascular CD, both signs were present.

I would like to share some of the activities Barbara and myself relied on in her final months to keep on going. Love letters of the past helped us get through those days when Barbara was not receptive. Barbara saved every letter going as far back as 60 years and these written words spoken again, opening up her mind to us! The golden oldies helped tweak her mind into drive mode, and then we came upon the song "Barbara" by the Temptations, but not the Temptations that we all know, a different group. She would refuse to get to her feet in the morning, but that song in her ears made her want to dance with me again, and she raised herself up. Then there was the activity of counting our "life's angels" in the middle of the night. These were people who made all the difference in our world. The list got longer and longer, could be people that only came into our world for a minute, but they made all the difference. Then there was Kim, a neighborhood kid that grew up in our Crabapple world, who decided that her life's work was caring for the sick and elderly. Oh, what Barbara called her, the stares she got, and the messes she cleaned up, but she always soldiered on with the faith of David, a heart of gold, and the strength of an Ox! Thank you, Ann Marie, for sending us such an angel.

Barbara, the name, means beautiful. I look at her dying now and I see my beautiful Barbara. Love you forever.

P.S. I forgot to mention one four-legged gift from God. Ollie, a shelter dog, we picked up from Compassionate Dog Rescue two years ago. People tell me he is the happiest dog they ever met, he loves people and has greeted many visitors from Hospice each week. Ollie takes us to the dog park as well, a pillar of mental health.

Calling hours will be held from 5:00-8:00 PM on Thursday, March 19 at the McHoul Funeral Home, 895 RT 82, Hopewell Junction NY. A Mass of Christian Burial will be offered at 10:00 AM on Friday March 20 at Saint Kateri Tekakwitha Roman Catholic Church, 1925 RT 82, Lagrangeville NY. Interment will follow at the Fishkill Rural Cemetery, 801 RT 9, Fishkill NY.

In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to the Compassionate Animal Rescue Efforts of Dutchess County (CARE of DC) and Cure Alzheimer's Fund (curealz.org)