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Herbert Dubno Obituary
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Memories and Condolences
for Herbert Dubno
Sponsored by the Dubno Family in honor of their dearest Zeida.
Daniel Dubno
June 10, 2024
Grateful your mighty neshummah surrounds us all and guides us along the way.
Rachel Jacobs
June 10, 2024
Remembering.....
Erica Dubno
June 9, 2024
Erica Dubno
June 9, 2024
Erica Dubno
June 9, 2024
Erica Dubno
June 9, 2024
Erica Dubno
June 9, 2024
On what would have been our sweet Daddy´s 90th birthday (how crazy is that??)
Daniel Dubno
February 20, 2023
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2023
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2023
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2023
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2023
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2023
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2023
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2023
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2023
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2021
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2021
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2021
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2021
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2021
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2021
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2021
Erica Dubno
February 19, 2021
15 years but only yesterday Xoxox
Tikva Mason❤
March 1, 2020
Tikva has good memories of Chayim DUBNO from Shomer at Liberty Moshava & Hightstown N.J. Shalom & Chazak to family of Chayim. Tikva
Pauline Smith
February 20, 2019
My very first boss, the most wonderful and kind human created by God, who will forever be remembered - A great family man.
Daniel Dubno
February 19, 2019
Im sorry for the things that you have missed. Zoe and Teddy had their Bar Mitzvot. Zoe graduated from college and is still beautiful. Shes a terrific writer and is very funny and an amazing person and she has great friends. She is wise and would argue you under the table. Teddy Boy is a computer scientist and hes about to graduate. Youre gonna miss that too. Hes such a smart and sweet and genuinely kind and compassionate person. It is my honor to know him. Lisa has been a strong and loving partner and a blessing as a mother. Shes done so much for women and their babies. Im ok and I think you would personally get a kick out of the fact that Ive worked for DARPA for a while. How we miss you. You know how much Erica and Mickey do too...and their families and all our friends. Mommy misses you most of all. I cant talk about it at all. Jewish law gives us one year of mourning... and then what? I miss your wisdom, your kindness, your strength, your soul, your smile, your discipline, your knowledge, your intuition, your intelligence, your invention, your compassion, your example, your generosity, your genius, your unconquerable soul.
Manon (David) Johnson
November 30, 2012
Mr. Dubno was also my first boss (circa 1964(?)) My belated condolences. I found this photo which I took and thought you might enjoy it.
Daniel Dubno
February 24, 2011
Miss you every damn day. You should see how they've grown. We all try our best.
Erica Dubno
June 9, 2010
Happy Birthday Popsy :) xoxox
Tikva Mason
March 4, 2010
Best wishes to Yael and family.
Memories
February 23, 2010
... remember
February 23, 2010
Daniel Dubno
January 21, 2010
I miss you so much.
Pauline Smith
June 14, 2008
I still think about my first Boss, Mr. Dubno. It was his spirit, kindness and love, that has made me a great asset to the IP world, and I will never ever forget. I cherished all that he has taught me, and to this day, I believe that everyone that worked for him, will always be known as FAMILY.
Zoe Dubno
June 9, 2008
those pictures make me cry.
erica dubno
June 8, 2008
Please visit the photo album for recently added pictures.
June 8, 2008
June 8, 2008
June 8, 2008
June 8, 2008
June 8, 2008
zoe Dubno
April 6, 2008
I love my Zeida I always will and I always have.
Rachel Jacobs
March 31, 2008
In fondest memory of Chaim whom I will always recall warmly as the"Sage " of our chevra,whenever and wherever we met.From youth through maturity he never stopped growing in wisdom and as a mensch. Always interested in ideas and the world around him....always a friend. Rachel Jacobs
Zoe Dubno
March 16, 2008
I still love you Zeida, I always will love you. As I sit here trying to write my bat mitzvah speech I wonder if I will ever see you again, and if there is such thing as an afterlife. I hope so.
Bess & Max Dubno
March 16, 2008
A remembrance to Chaim:
We remember when Max & I would visit Phyllis & Chaim, his greatest pleasure was to show us his beautiful plants and the lovely green leaves they were growing.
Love,
Bess & Max
Ted (Natan) Friedgut
March 10, 2008
Chaim was a presence in our youth movement, exuding a vitality and intelligence that immediately caught people up. Long after I came to Israel I continued to hear from friends about him--his marrying Phyllis, (whom we remember as Yael)the terrible accident at Hightstown and how he overcame it, his brilliant career as a patent attorney, and his central place in the group of old friends from Hashomer Hatzair, and finally the shock of his death. Now we can see in these many tributes the living influence that he still retains. Y'hi zikhro baruch! May his memory be blessed.
tikva Mason (Cohen)
March 8, 2008
I was very saddened to hear of Chaim's passing. If my memory is correct, I remember Chaim at the chava, hachshara in Hightstown. I was there from 1954 approximatelyfor one year, and saw a lot of Chaim. All the things that people wrote about him was very touching. He will surely be missed and in our hearts. With wishes of comfort to his family and friends, B'shalom Tikva from Los Angeles.
February 26, 2008
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Chana and Yak Ornstein
February 24, 2008
On the 2nd anniversary of your passing you are still in our hearts and minds and always will be. You were always a special human being with concern and love for your beautiful family and so many others. Much love,Chana and Yak
Dan Dubno
December 21, 2007
I still miss you, Dad, and I know that goes for everybody else. The world isn't as decent a place without you in it. It's been hard for everybody but Mom has been very strong and Erica and Mick have been brave. The kids have shown amazing character and you would have been proud of them. They've all grown a great deal since you've gone.Our love doesn't fade.
Sandra Fencel
September 3, 2007
Although shocked and saddened upon learning of his untimely passing, I am privileged to have known and worked with him. Mr. Dubno was the kindest, most gifted and by far, the most brilliant man I have ever met. There never was a topic that he didn’t know about. I've thought of him often over the years and, in the many times of doubt and defeat, often imagined him standing in front of his desk with that shy grin, while I took in every syllable. When I started working for him, I was 18; I actually had a crush on him back then… He had a gift of knowing exactly what was wrong, without you having to say a word. I will miss him always, and I send my sincere condolences to his wife, children and grandchildren, who he loved more than anything, and through whom he will thankfully live on. The Angel on earth is now one of the biggest ones in heaven ….
-Sandra Fencel
martin adelman
April 10, 2006
As we were milling around, Fred Margolies said “what am I going to do now? It was Chaim I called when I had a question – on anything!” To console Fred, I offered “well, there’s always Leo Kaplan”, but of course we know what Fred meant - Chaim occupied a unique place, it did seem he had complete and amazing competence in life.
And that also identifies why this feels so wrong about why we’re here – that this remarkable man could be taken so abruptly, and that nothing could be done about it, not by the doctors, and not by Chaim. We are all shaken to confront our own tenuous grip on mortality, when someone so smart, so accomplished as Chaim can be plucked away so fast.
I came to know Chaim in the summer of 1980 – when Ellen and I and the girls first came to the Colony. Chaim’s office was then downtown, as was mine, and so he offered me a ride up on Fridays. Some of you might remember, back then, Chaim smoked a pipe, and he found driving a car a particularly mellow time to enjoy a good smoke. The sight of him taking out the pouch, filling the pipe, tamping it down, carefully lighting and and puffing away; all this was a portrait of a man deeply satisfied and contemplative.
Now, put that scene in sharper context, Chaim performing this juggling act as we were whipping through the curves of the Saw Mill River Parkway, with heavy late Friday afternoon traffic. That Chaim did all this pipe business with one arm, while steering with his knees – all this made the scene a bit less than pastoral for the passenger.
But the point was, Chaim was not a “handicapped person.” He found ways to do what he wanted to do – he was a skilled mechanic, a volley-ball player who brought a backhand stroke to the game, and an ingenious problem solver. He and Pat Killeen worked together nearly every Saturday attending to the endless rotation of leaks in the GB water system. The part I think they liked most was sitting together, reasoning out and executing a whole series of patch-work adaptations to get the water flowing again.
Pat mentioned that when Chaim tightened a valve it took all of Pat’s considerable strength to re-open it. If you read the 1960’s classic Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance you might recall its discussion on the tensile strength of metals – feeling how far you can go as you slowly increase pressure and thus tighten a connector to the material’s limits. So Pat will be encountering Chaim in the years to come in ways only he will know.
Chaim was a superb lawyer, an expert in copyright and trademark law, with clients around the world. He was accomplished in so many areas – I heard that for an intellectual challenge he decided to audit courses at a medical school. But I believe Chaim would argue that his greatest accomplishment was his family – Phyllis and Danny, Mickey and Erica. One could see the deep love between Chaim and Phyllis – if you looked, you would notice the countless little loving gestures and an air of mutual reverence between them.
Chaim’s view of his children was one of constant astonishment – at how smart, accomplished and talented they were. If you asked Chiam “what’s new?” he would soon be rhapsodizing about Erica’s case going to the Supreme Court, Danny’s revealing segment airing that Sunday or Mickey’s new computer approach, unique in the industry – each delivered with a headshake mixture of bewilderment and awe. And the thing of it was, Chaim’s bragging about Danny, Mickey and Erica wasn’t just their father’s affection – they are individually and collectively truly spectacular.
But the most important qualities that describe Chaim are, in the end, the simplest. He was a good person, he was kind – he did not speak evil of others (and this in Goldens Bridge!). True, of course, sometimes for fun he would trot out a perverse argument, say at a membership meeting, but that revealed the persona of the fourteen-year-old he had been, reveling in his own brightness and testing the world against it.
There is a lovely phrase that is aspirational –“in sum, he lived nobly in this world.” It obviously is a rare person about whom that could be said. It is a suitable epitaph for Chaim Dubno - he truly did “live nobly in this world.”
Erica Dubno
March 19, 2006
A. Zeev Hed
March 11, 2006
To the Dubno family and his colleagues at the Patent Law firm, I am shocked and saddened by the sudden loss you suffered. I have worked with Herbert for the last 15 years or so, and while we met in person only once, I have grown to respect him tremendously. Out of the roughly 50 patents I authored in the last 15 years or so, Herbert processed more than 30, all handled smoothly and seamlessly, without any serious hurdle, and without “face to face” meetings, all communications were by phone, fax and e-mail. He’ll be sorely missed by me and my colleagues at Invent Resources.
From reading some of the stories, I now find out why we had such a great affinity, we were both former “Shmutzniks” (members of the Ha-Shomer Hatzair youth movement), and must have had many other common ideals, besides our common love for science and innovation.
David Meltzer
March 5, 2006
My Remembrance of Chaim Dubno
I know from my own conversations and activities with Chaim that he had an amazingly broad knowledge of many different subjects and a vast range of interests and activities. There seemed to be nothing about which he could not speak with interest and insight. Many others who knew him had the same experience. But there is something I know about him better than anyone else does, and that is his influence on me. I have never had the opportunity to discuss this with others or to put it on record in any detail, and now is the time to do so.
Apart from my parents, Chaim might have been the most influential person in my life. I work now as a research physicist, fulfilling a lifelong dream. For as far back as I can remember—which is nearly 50 years—I had always wanted to be a scientist. And also for as far back as I can remember—those same 50 years—the person who was my first and primary role-model of a scientist was my Uncle Chaim. This is what I wrote in the Acknowledgments section of my Ph.D. dissertation in 1985:
"I am thankful for the support and encouragement of my relatives. Particularly important for me has been my uncle, Chaim Dubno, who was the person who most inspired my interest in science and whose influence helped lead me to decide—before the age of 10—that I wanted to be a research scientist."
Chaim was the scientist in the family and it was to him that I turned countless times to help me better understand the field that I loved. Many of my early memories are of Chaim doing experiments with me, showing me around his chemistry lab, exploring with me the properties of liquid mercury, and helping me investigate the workings of innumerable fascinating gadgets and devices. His various high-tech artificial arms proved to be great sources of amusement. He showed me from my earliest years what a scientist was, how a scientist tries to understand the world, and what science is all about. I had for him a never-ending stream of questions about how things worked and how the world was put together, and Chaim had for me in return a never-ending stream of answers, explanations, and ideas. Whenever there was something about the natural world or about technical innovations that I found perplexing or about which I wanted to know more, I knew that I could always turn to Uncle Chaim for knowledge and insight. He was, in a sense, my “security blanket” for scientific and technical knowledge of all types, my private source of information about any topic, no matter how obscure.
He showed me that even the most mysterious phenomena could be understood and explained, and that even if a full understanding wasn’t readily available, systematic analysis and probing investigation gave one the best chance to figure things out. He showed me that constant questioning and ever-deeper probing and analysis were critical to successful research. The extraordinary depth of his knowledge helped instill in me an intense desire to attain a similar level of mastery of scientific and technical subjects.
He inspired me and motivated me in so many ways. In my first ventures into scientific research he guided and supported me, and helped me to win a first-place award in the New York City Science Fair when I was 12 years old. I know he was as excited as I was at that first big triumph. In other science projects during my early school years, he was my primary mentor and guide. I still have one of his old quantum mechanics textbooks that he gave me as I moved further along in my studies. As I progressed in my career he was always interested and supportive, and again he shared my excitement in many of my research adventures. I always looked forward to telling him about the latest things I was working on. It will be very hard now that I can’t do that anymore, but I know that in all the things I have done and will do in the future he had a big role. I’m happy to put on record here Chaim’s tremendous influence on my life, and to express my gratitude for all that he did to help me become the person I am.
Aryeh Gold
March 3, 2006
Chaim Dubno
June 9, 1934-February 24, 2006
"Come on, there's someone new you have to meet. He's been coming down to Hamtzudah." The scene was Camp Shomria, Liberty, New York; the time: the summer of 1950. I was sixteen; the newcomer was sixteen, and my madrikh, my youth leader, was urging me to be nice to him. This was Hashomer Hatzair, the socialist-Zionist youth movement that was our universe. The kid's name was Chaim, Chaim Dubno, and he went to Brooklyn Tech. That was the first time I laid eyes upon him, he sitting on a cot out on the grass in front of one of the ohalim, or tents. He was smiling. He seemed easygoing. Little could I imagine how close we would later become.
A couple of years passed. We were real friends now, our intense movement life bolstered by near daily contact on the campus of Brooklyn College. He was already exhibiting the strong leadership qualities that would distinguish him, while I saw myself as a kind of second in command. (If anybody is interested, Chaim wrote his first term paper there on the British author and statesman Henry Saint John Bolingbroke, 1678-1751. How he sweated over that! It became a standing joke between us.)
One of our habits in those years was to get together, Chaim, Shlomo Hessing and I, at my parents apartment late on Friday nights after our movement activities were over and watch cowboy movies on Channel 13. That was before Channel 13 got class. To be completely honest, Chaim and Shlomo would watch the movies, while I snored on the couch.
One weekday evening Chaim and I were returning to our native Brooklyn from a meeting at the Bet Furmansky, the Movement's headquarters at 38 West 88th Street. At Times Square we changed from the Broadway IRT to the BMT Brighton Line. We sat down together, and Chaim pulled a small photograph out of his pocket. It was Yael Bickel, then in Israel attending the Makhon, the Jewish Agency's year-long seminar for youth leaders. She looked incredibly beautiful, sitting on a rock, playing the halil, a wooden flute or recorder. "Never," he said, "never have I been so disturbed by a picture." And that is how I began to understand the strength of the bond that was developing between them.
They were married in November, 1956. The following spring saw them, together with me and others, at the chava, the training farm in Hightstown, New Jersey officially known as Hechalutz Farm. We were preparing for life on a kibbutz in Israel. Chaim was in his element: pipes to fix, electric lines, machinery. But it was farm machinery that led to calamity in May, 1957: a work accident in which Chaim lost an arm. Toward sunset on the day of the accident Yaffa Kosoff, now Yaffa Rot of Kibbutz Dvir, and I went out to the field where the machine lay abandoned and buried the remains of Chaim's arm. But that burial, solemn ending though it was, was only the beginning of Chaim's fight.
The very first time I saw him in the hospital in Trenton, somebody had sent along a can of dried fruit. It was of the sort that had a key on top with which to open it. One of the visitors wanted to open the can, but Chaim objected adamantly. He was going to open it himself. Weak though he was, he wedged the can under his chin and, with his remaining hand slowly turned the key, and turned and turned, until finally the can was open.
Hospitalization in Trenton dragged on week after week. Chaim was not getting any better. Then, suddenly, he took a turn for the worse. Yael and I were with him. With fear in her voice, Yael asked the doctor if Chaim would make it through the night. The doctor's reply: "I don't know." When the doctor was gone, the private duty nurse spoke up. She was truly heroic. "Look," she said, "I'm putting my career on the line by saying this, but Herbie is a brave boy. I've never had a patient quite like him. If you care anything about his life call his parents and tell them to get him out of here as fast as they can." It was a long night. In the early hours of the morning Edith and Meyer Dubno arrived together with Uncle Jack and Aunt Betty. The following day an ambulance with Chaim inside made its way up the New Jersey Turnpike and took him to the Hospital for Joint Diseases in New York. There Chaim's recovery began in earnest, with Yael always at his side. They had been married for less than a year, but her loyalty was passionate and absolute.
As the years went by, Chaim studied hard and worked hard. Chaim and Yael were blessed with the arrival of Danny, Mickey and Erica. Bringing many of his talents into play, Chaim prospered as a patent attorney. And he was also, by common consent, the leader of our group, the chevra, who had come together in Hashomer Hatzair, mostly in the early nineteen-fifties.
A Chaim story: Stella and I came from Israel to live in New York in 1963. At first we were nearly penniless, but by the following spring we had managed to scrape together the $450 being asked for a used Peugeot station wagon we wanted. Chaim wouldn't let us proceed until he and Shlomo Hessing had personally inspected the vehicle. Together we drove up to Westchester where the thing resided. I can still see Chaim walking around, kicking the tires one by one, while Shlomo lay on the ground looking up at the dark underbelly of the monster. They were caring friends!
In June, 1994 Chaim and I both found ourselves in Budapest, though we had come for different reasons. We had a great time and right after returning home shared a memorable sixtieth birthday party, attended by many of you.
Yael and Chaim, Stella and I spent last Monday, Presidents' Day, together. Yael had suggested it, and I am immensely grateful to her. We had a delightful time: lunch at a fancy restaurant, and a visit to the Museum of Modern Art. We walked and chatted and laughed. Nobody suspected anything was amiss. Then, Thursday night, Yael called to tell us how very serious things were. Through the night's insomnia, the reality sank in, only to be confirmed by a call in the morning. Then a biblical verse sprang to mind:
Naflah 'ateret roshenu; The crown of our head has fallen. [Lamentations 5:16]
The words have stayed with me. Are they overstated? I think not, for Chaim has always stood at our head.
Jonathan Myers
March 2, 2006
To The Dubnos - Having practiced intellectual property law for over 30 years with Herb Dubno at The Firm of Karl F. Ross, first as Herb’s associate, then as his partner, I learned to appreciate the intelligence, the humanity, and the wisdom that marked his life. When our partner Andrew Wilford introduced me to Herb back in 1974, I was in law school trying to advance in the patent field. Herb mentored me, showing me how to analyze and protect an invention or a trade mark, and showing me how to give a client excellent representation. Herb would, of course, do his best to comply with our clients’ wishes, but would never be afraid to let clients or associates know if their understanding of the facts or law was not quite correct. If Herb thought that one of my legal arguments was good, he would say, “I think that’s a winning argument”, and I would feel very proud.
Herb was genuinely interested in all who worked for our firm and the door to his office was open to everyone to obtain his advice and help. All of us appreciated how he would share his knowledge with everyone and more often than not, he would tell us one of his great stories to make the learning experience uplifting.
I owe him so much for all that he has done for me and my family and I hope that he can hear me now when I say thank you.
Deet Lewis
March 2, 2006
At my first Liberty moshava, Chaim went around with a political question for the "campers" to answer. I was one of the younger ones, and I got it right. How I enjoyed his sincere praise of me: I can still remember his shining young face, 53 years later.
Then, on my way to Kib. Nachshon with my husband, we came to the chava the day after Chaim`s accident and saw the great love and strength which all the chavanicks showed for him, and for Yael.
I hardly knew him, but here, far away, I feel the pain of his loss for those close to him!
Deet Lewis, Antigua Guatemala
Ira Breite
March 2, 2006
To The Dubno's
Sandy, Noah, Josh and I are very sorry for your loss. We will miss Chaim a lot.
Breite and Zabar
Ofra Shipman
March 1, 2006
BS"D
I will always remember Chaim's great smile from Moshava and T'nua activities. It was good to have the opportunity to become reacquainted after 50 some odd years. Chaim will be sorely missed.
Daniel Dubno
March 1, 2006
For those who did not get the opportunity to suffer with us in the sanctuary as we said goodbye to our father, coworker, and friend, it was a sad but loving tribute to the greatest man I've ever known. It was with great pride that my daughter Zoe, age 10, got up and read her tribute (with her Aunt Erica) to our Father. A number of people asked me to put up the words I spoke at the service about Chaim Dubno. They follow:
Chaim. Life.
He was called “Chaim” when surviving his troubled birth… and later, surviving the grim accident that took his arm and nearly his life. This, when he was a young man… a new husband, and they, en-route to a different life on kibbutz… had their life path altered by such horrendous circumstance. A life my father considered no longer belonged to him… he imagined he lived on borrowed time:
If he lived, not for himself, then who was he living for?
He lived for others… for his other half in life, his wife, our mother, Phyllis; for his children: Mickey, Erica, and myself; for their spouses: Loren and Lisa; for his grandchildren: Zoe, Teddy, Zach, Maya; for his brothers: Marty and Elliott; for his friends, comrades, colleagues, and for his community… For you, with us, for those here in spirit and in memory.
Before today, I never called Dad by his given name: Herbert… Herbie…was “Chaim.” Life.
The cruelty of life is that one day sons must say goodbye to their fathers… this is impossible cruelty… made worse by the suddenness of our loss. He was making breakfast for my mother the same day he died. So young, so full of energy… with a fiftieth anniversary coming in November… with so many bar mitzvahs and graduations still ahead…
Who will see these marvelous grandchildren grow?
Who will we call when someone must learn the basics of algebra, geometry, chemistry, biology… or the intricacies of intellectual property law, mechanical engineering, water treatment systems, or thermodynamics, quantum mechanics, of medicine, of gardening…? There was no subject he did not master.
As my wife Lisa said, “I really thought he was going to be there to help the kids through math.” Though we still wonder why he needed to teach Zoe about the principles of air conditioner repair while rocking her in the cradle he built her by hand… a cradle later slept in by Teddy, then Zack, then Maya.
He was everyone’s ‘lifeline:’ patiently interrupting his day to take my frantic call. When you had to know, he had the answer… solving our crazy problems… fielding wacky inventions from friends and total strangers… helping those who needed work... or advice… or charity.
Chaim knew how things work.
Having a heart so full… a door always open… eager to fix a roof, to replace someone’s water pipes… to rewire the lights...
What is the measure of a man?
How can we calculate his worth in life?
One way is through the titles he earned:
First and foremost, he was a scientist… a storyteller… a tsadik (wise man)… a teacher… a quiet philanthropist… Patent attorney… Inventor… Chemist… Lawyer… board member… Medical student… Maskir Tnua (leader of the youth movement)… Plumber… Electrician…
He was the eldest of a band of great brothers…
A loving Uncle… adoring Father… and a happy Zeida.
Most of all, to the depths of his soul, he was our mother’s Husband, her Beloved.
Another measure of a man is through the company he keeps:
Working with his treasured friend Pat Kileen, Sancho Panza and Don Quixote of the water system, down in the wells of Goldens’ Bridge… and with his other dear friends from the Colony… many who are here with us.
His lifelong, devoted friends from the “T’nua”… Hashomer Hatzair... his beloved Youth Movement... remain his “chaverim”—his comrades--- more than 50 years later.
From the people he worked with in Riverdale... at the Y where he was on the board… and in his office… his fine law partners, Andrew and Jonathan, and the wonderful colleagues and staff who meant the world to him.
I’ll always remember the wild, true stories about the office… the East German secretary-spy who eluded the FBI dragnet… the disappointed safe cracker who wasted the weekend only to find a sandwich… even the talented engineer, who decided (to everyone’s considerable surprise) he preferred robbing banks to patent work.
We were somewhat concerned when we learned that Dad had been sleeping with his secretary every day. Let me clarify this: about 4 o’clock during the marathon dictation sessions of patent applications, his secretary Geri would, understandably, fall asleep in her chair… or perhaps he would fall asleep first… and, not to wake the other, both would nod off, sitting in their chairs… For a few quiet minutes, each day, coworkers would tiptoe around as they napped.
One measure of a man is what kind of children and grandchildren he raises… what kind of woman he loves... and my understandable bias is that here, Chaim Dubno was without parallel. My mother, Phyllis, also known to friends as Yael, is and always has been, the love of his life. He is, and always has been, the love of her life.
A love so fierce, so devoted, it may seem nothing would compete for their great affection. Love does not follow traditional laws of mathematics… Mom and Dad loved each other a full 100%... and their children 100% more… and their grandchildren… 100% more and then some.
In the vicissitudes of life, children and their fathers never say all they need to tell each other. He enjoyed the debate… to test and challenge the mind. “You can’t change people,” he would say.
Yet I watched him change… from a sharp ideologue in his youth to become the wise and generous man, mellow with the richness of love and family…. who so often let me know he loved me--- loved my sister Erica, my brother Michael--- even though I was not wise enough to always hear him.
For a man who claimed you couldn’t change people, he routinely did the impossible. Take, for example, the really grumpy, nasty lady who worked at the local bakery… who never said hello to anyone. It became his private mission to get this miserable mope to become charming. So, through humor and quiet perseverance, his daily campaign charmed her iron heart into submission… transforming this stranger… Her humanity emerged… soon, she was gaily greeting him at the bakery door, “Good morning, Mr. Dubno!”
His charisma could--- and did--- change people.
I grew up believing that having a father with one arm was normal. What was exceptional is that this man, this one armed man, could do more with this one arm… plus his teeth or chin... driving with both knees… than anyone else I’ve ever met with two arms.
The funny stories… Dad walking home, cold and tired, holding a cup of coffee… looking so bedraggled a lady dropped a handful of change in this poor man’s full cup.
My mom loved that he was always leaving pennies in gumball machines for kids to find… putting quarters in expired meters to save strangers from parking tickets… always declining Yom Kippur honors to come up to the Synagogue bimah for his great charity.
It seems immodest, somehow, to boast of my parents love. People love and lose… love and falter… yet Chaim and Yael’s love is without parallel. My mother has been, and always will be, my father’s real treasure… his purpose... his equal… his light and his passion.
We try to walk in their shoes... to try to capture a shadow of their loving example… and we are inadequate. Is it a failure of our lesser hearts or courage or are there just these rare and special loves that transcend most mortal experience?
Einstein teaches us there is a conservation of matter and energy… and the theory always comforted me… because I figured when you die, all of you… all energy… all matter… remains in our universe. When we heard our father was in the hospital, we rushed back from California to be with him… the sudden infection transformed him… his strong body rapidly weakened… organs failing… but my sister told him that I was coming…and he hung on for hours. I arrived, kissed his forehead in blessing, stroked his hair for a moment…his eyes seemed to smile… and the next moment he was gone. Matter, energy, even love may be constant, but we have lost someone very precious and this loss upsets the order of our universe.
He was speaking with his youngest granddaughter, Maya, who asked the other day if he believed in God. He said he wasn’t so sure… but thought there might be something special out there. Maya, age four, told him “I believe in God but I only believe in him as the beautifulness in the world.” “Yes, that’s what I believe too,” her Zeida agreed .
I thank God, or whatever that energy is that makes us heal, that makes us laugh, that reveals to us the beautifulness in the world… that I knew such a wise, such a generous, such a noble man… and thank God he had time enough to tell my kids and his other wonderful grandchildren, his spellbinding stories. He was our Maggid of Dubno: My children, Teddy and Zoe, learning of his sudden passing, cried, “But who will finish the story?”
Mom, we will always have him with us… our memory of his noble counsel and infinite love defies mere mortality.
Zoe Dubno
February 28, 2006
My Zeida was a very special, loving, smart man. He was a very wonderful grandpa and also he was a great storyteller. I am very sad such a good man has passed.
Crystal Field
February 28, 2006
Dear Yael & Family,
All my love goes to you.
Crystal
Ariel Hessing
February 28, 2006
I loved this man very much, and I will miss him greatly. He never hesitated to help a soul in need, whatever the need might have been. Chaim was the first person who befriended my father, Shlomo Hessing, when my father immigrated to the U.S. in 1950 from war ravaged Europe, and he quickly became my father's most beloved friend. For 56 years, rain or shine, in Israel and at home, the two were there for eachother, enmeshed in eachother's lives, as they raised their families, watched their children grow and their children have children.
Everyone whose life has ever been touched by Chaim has felt their life become brighter for having known him, and I know that none will ever forget him.
I will carry Chaim's memory in my heart for as long as I walk this earth, and in that, I know that I will not walk alone.
Suman Sabastin
February 28, 2006
To the Family Dubno,
I have worked with Michael and Daniel but never met their father. All I know is that great men come from great men..
Ilana Hessing
February 28, 2006
I was lucky enough to have Chaim and Yael Dubno in my life as a child, and my world is so much richer for knowing both of them. Chaim will always remain a living presence for me, since his smile will shine forever. - Ilana
Rachel Hessing Wintemberg
February 27, 2006
Chaim was a kind and wonderful man and my father's best friend in the entire world. He touched so many lives and was an inspiration to everyone who knew him.
I will always remember him two summer's ago, up in New Hampshire, at my parent's summer house, telling his wonderful stories to my, then four year old, daughter.
Pauline Smith
February 25, 2006
I offer my condolences to the family of Mr. Dubno. Mr. Dubno will always be my Number One Boss and his memory, teaching and words of wisdom will continue to live within my heart. May God continue to bless his family.
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Honor a beloved veteran with a special tribute of ‘Taps’ at the National WWI Memorial in Washington, D.C.
The nightly ceremony in Washington, D.C. will be dedicated in honor of your loved one on the day of your choosing.
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Should I Send Sympathy Flowers?
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Estate Settlement Guide
If you’re in charge of handling the affairs for a recently deceased loved one, this guide offers a helpful checklist.
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Obituaries, grief & privacy: Legacy’s news editor on NPR podcast
Legacy's Linnea Crowther discusses how families talk about causes of death in the obituaries they write.
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The Five Stages of Grief
They're not a map to follow, but simply a description of what people commonly feel.
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Obituary Examples
You may find these well-written obituary examples helpful as you write about your own family.
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Obituary Templates – Customizable Examples and Samples
These free blank templates make writing an obituary faster and easier.
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How Do I Write a Eulogy?
Some basic help and starters when you have to write a tribute to someone you love.
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