Jonathan B. O'Brien

Jonathan O'Brien Obituary

1938 - 2018
Jonathan B. O'Brien, 79, of Providence, RI and Westport MA, husband of Joan Dominick O'Brien, died on March 22, 2018. Jon was the former Head of St. Andrew's School in Middletown, DE. His warmth and practical wisdom, integrity and compassion filled the hearts of his family and friends, and touched the lives of colleagues and generations of students.

Born in New York City, on April 21, 1938, Jon attended The Buckley School in Manhattan, and New Canaan Country School and The Hotchkiss School in Connecticut. He graduated from Williams College in 1960 and from Columbia University Law School in 1963, when he joined the firm of Robinson Cole in Hartford, CT. In 1966, Jon left the law after accepting a teaching position at Westminster School in Simsbury, CT. where he immersed himself in every aspect of school life and was a devoted mentor to his students. As an English teacher, coach, and, eventually, Assistant Headmaster, he had found his life's vocation.

In 1977, Jon was appointed Head of St. Andrew's School. At the news of Jon's death, Tad Roach, current Head of School and Jon's successor, wrote, "St. Andrew's changed forever when a brilliant young Headmaster arrived in 1977 with an enthusiasm, zest, and vision that would lift the School to new recognition, respect, and acclaim nationally and internationally. For 20 years, from 1977-1997, Jon and Joan O'Brien shared their passion, humanity, enthusiasm, and creativity with their community. St. Andrew's trustees, alumni, parents, faculty, staff, and students responded accordingly. The O'Brien vision involved linking the School's tradition and promise of academic excellence with a spirit of human kindness, respect, teamwork, and collaboration.''

"Jon O'Brien demonstrated what true leadership looked like: it consisted of long hours, day and night, unfailing enthusiasm and passion for the work of the School, the courage to make difficult decisions, and the vision to understand just how St. Andrew's might grow and thrive."

Upon leaving St. Andrew's, Jon and Joan retired to Westport, MA where he took up oil painting with a vengeance and was active in the community. He and Joan were founding board members of Our Sisters' School in New Bedford, MA and Jon served on the Board of Trustees at Friends Academy in Dartmouth, MA, and was a trustee at the United Congregational Church, in Little Compton, RI.

Jon is survived by Joan, his wife of 59 years, and three daughters, Jennifer Clare O'Brien, Margrett (Megan) Shaw O'Brien, and Elizabeth (Lou) O'Brien Berl; son-in-law, Christopher Norrie Berl; five grandchildren, Jonathan Decker, Olivia Decker, Charlotte Berl, Wilder Berl and Allaire Berl; and brother, Stephen B. O'Brien. He was predeceased by brothers, Donal C. O'Brien, Jr. and C. David O'Brien.

A Celebration of Life will be held Sunday, April 22, 2018 at 2:00 p.m. at Central
Congregational Church, 296 Angell Street Providence, RI. Memorial contributions may be made to Our Sisters' School, New Bedford, MA, Friends Academy Annual Fund, Dartmouth , MA, St. Andrew's School, Middletown, DE, and Central Congregational Church, Providence, RI.

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by New York Times from Apr. 9 to Apr. 10, 2018.

Memories and Condolences
for Jonathan O'Brien

2 Entries

April 10, 2018

Sincere condolences goes out to the O'Brien family for your sad loss. May GOD be a source of comfort and strength as you mourn.

Bulent Atalay

April 10, 2018

I met Jon and Joan in April 1981, exactly 37 years ago. I had been invited to St. Andrew's School to give a series of lectures during a 3-day period on the occasion of the school's fiftieth anniversary. I drove up to Delaware with my son, Michael, not quite 15 years old and a 9th-grade student in Virginia. On the way, Michael asked me no, accused me, You're going to make me go to this place, aren't you? I responded reflexively; I wouldn't forgive myself if you didn't get to see St. Andrew's. The rest of the trip, I was defensive and apologetic, Michael was polite but unusually quiet.

The school sold itself. A crew regatta was taking place that Saturday, and Joan, then the Associate Director of Admissions, and I took a little walk. Joan asked whether we would consider sending Michael to the school. I answered, it was too late to apply; and besides, we could not afford it. Joan's generous reply: We'll take him! On the drive back to Virginia, I asked Michael, If you were to attend a school like St. Andrew's, what sport would you do in the spring crew or tennis? After a pause, Michael answered, Probably crew. It was too late. He had bitten.

And the same year, the late Felix DuPont, President of the Board of Trustees, invited me to serve on the Board at Jon's behest. During my dozen years on the board, I came to realize, Jon was so articulate, so compelling in his lawyerly arguments, he could have asked us to sip Kool-Aid, and we would have said, yum, yum. What Jon did for St. Andrew's was nothing short of miraculous. He took it out of a dark period in its history and made it a loving extended family.

Michael spent the next three years at St. Andrew's. He earned a BA at Princeton, rowed on the national champion Princeton crew, and completed a double doctorate, MD/Ph.D. at Johns Hopkins. As Dr-Dr. Atalay, he left me in his dust. Over the years he confessed, he identified more with St. Andrew's than he did with either Princeton or Johns Hopkins.

Michael and I have frequently spoken about Jon as the man we both admired more than any other, that he was the most caring, honest, honorable, modest, noble, and principled man either of us had ever known, a leader who transformed the school, giving it soul. The lives of three generations of the O'Brien and Atalay families have been intertwined since our first meeting in April of 1981. Jon was a very fortunate man, surrounded by a sea of beautiful females who adored and supported him... and surrounded by a larger ocean of friends who loved and admired him.

Jon's handpicked successor, Tad Roach, has continued to carry out the mission that the astonishingly wise Jon O'Brien established. Recently, Tad shared with the greater St. Andrew's community a magical poem, Ithaka, by the Greek-Egyptian poet, Constantine Cavafy, written a century ago. The poem was referred to him by Will Speers, English teacher par excellence, Associate Head of the school, and another great recruit by Jon.

As you set out for Ithaka, hope the voyage is a long one, full of adventure, full of discovery.

I am a theoretical physicist, and theoretical physicists have a somewhat humble view of man's position in the world. We live finite lives on this speck of dust 4.5 billion years old, in an infinite and expanding universe 14 billion years old. My description of Jon O'Brien, my astonishingly wise and special friend, are captured in William Blake's words:

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wildflower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

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