Joseph F. DeStefano

1936 - 2022

Joseph F. DeStefano was born on July 20, 1936 in the little Italy section of Manhattan. His father Charles "Crain" was an immigrant from the town of Sciacca, who arrived in New York City in 1906, and later owned two barber shops. His mother, Rose, (nee Labella) was a baby hat seamstress and daughter of immigrants from Sciacca as well. He had a beautiful voice; he dreamed of being a professional singer. His father took him to see Frank Sinatra, Louis Prima, and not to mention boxing matches, baseball, games, and everything to stimulate his young mind. Life was centered around the dinner table of his Labella grandparents. Each Sunday (and especially on holidays) they had eight hour meals of lasagna, Sunday gravy, piles of fresh fruit, homemade wine. Since he was the first child of the extended family, they spoiled him to no end. He was the joy of their lives. In his teens, living in the most exciting place on earth, he and his friends (Frankie C, Billy Russo, Joe, Blue, Peter Rabbit, Vito, Nicky, and others) would get decked out on a Saturday night and head to dance halls and parties, after playing a full day of stick ball in the public school on Spring Street, he would take a hot bath in his "kitchen tub" before getting dressed in his silk suits. Summers were spent in Coney Island. Raven Hall was their hangout. They barbecued steaks, dipped into the pool, and listened to Dakota Staton, Dinah Washington, Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, and doo-wop all weekend. His friend and best man, Frank Caserta , was in a Times Square record store when he noticed a pretty girl perusing through the albums. Fortunately, he was very charming, because he asked her out on a date and she agreed. The only condition was that she could bring her best friend. That was the beginning point of my fathers great life, because the friend was Dolores McCarthy, his future wife. They met on a double blind date and fell magically in love. She was Irish from South Brooklyn and he was Sicilian from Manhattan, not exactly the combination for those days. But nothing can stop true love! She had long, beautiful auburn hair and a smile that warmed everyone that met her. After many nights out at the Latin Quarter, Copacabana, parties in Nicky's basement club, and barbecues at Wolfe's Pond, they were married in Old Saint Patricks Church on Prince Street. Together they looked like the bride and groom on top of a wedding cake! They had three children, Charles, Rosalyn, and Thomas. They moved to the Park Slope section of Brooklyn. Joe would pack us into his 1968 Ford Galaxy, and introduced us to the world. Weekly visits to Central Park, the Bronx zoo, Coney Island and his old neighborhood opened our eyes to New York City. Also, too many road trips to count (but each one has a story!) On weekends , he would take us to Di Palo's for ricotta, pick up fresh bread, hand picked fruit, and Ferrara or Alba pastries. Dinner was prepared by his mother, Rose, assisted by his wife, Dolores. After years of being the Sous Chef, Dolores became the Master Chef of the home. She made him crab sauce, linguine, and white clam sauce, and his favorite dish, pasta sarde finnochio (made on the day of his saint, Joseph). Joe instilled in all of us the importance of being disciplined and "bringing home the bread." As a young man, he drove a yellow cab on weekends, and during the week he worked in the mailroom of a Wall Street commodities house, Bunge Corporation. In the classic style of a far gone era, he climbed the ladder in the company to become an assistant Vice President and chief grain trader. He was considered an expert in his field and he mentored many young women and men from the finest business schools in the country. One of them once said to him "Joe, they never taught us this at the Wharton School!" A combination of smart, good looks, and charm offered him an opportunity to be the company's ambassador all over the world. He told the president of the company that the only condition was that his wife would travel with him. Together Joe and Dolores visited Brazil, Venezuela, Holland, Belgium, Mexico, Italy, Germany, and all parts of the USA. They made dear friends everywhere from New Orleans (the Dills) to Milan (the Dallabona's) to Amsterdam (Otti). In 1972 they purchased their first home in Annadale, where they raised their children. Later, they would purchase a beach house with their daughter, Rosalyn and her husband, Dr. Joseph Schianodicola, in Lavallette, New Jersey. The beach house became the centerpiece of his life. It was there that he shared meals of fresh caught fish and crabs with his friends, Pat and Teddy, and all of us, including his cousin, Frank Vincenti (truly a brother to Joe!) To borrow a phrase from the movie "Jaws, " "You're gonna have to build a bigger table!" He witnessed joy after joy as the family grew. On any given Sunday, 20 to 25 people would enjoy an all day "mangiare." These family gatherings went on into all hours of the night, all summer. His son, Charles and wife Ana, bought the house next door. Each year his birthday was celebrated at a Mets game. Baseball ran in his veins. On October 3, 1951 he played hooky and went up to Coogans Bluff to watch the New York Giants win the pennant! He just took the subway up there, hooked up with a couple of friends, bought a ticket at the gate, and witnessed baseball history. At a barbecue at Gracie Mansion in the 1990s he was introduced to Ralph Branca, the famed pitcher from the New York Yankees, who threw the fateful pitch that gave the New York Giants a pennant. Even though he was from the other team, Ralph, Branca, and Joe hit it off. Two Italian-American men from the same era, now grow up with families. Like all good people who valued the miracle of life and took the verb "to live" to its highest, it's really an impossible task to squeeze in all that he did, and the impact he made, in a few paragraphs. But in one simple line - He truly left this world in a better condition than he found it! (Inside joke: the broom!) Joe will be missed by his children Charles, Rosalyn, and Thomas and their spouses (respectively, Ana, Joseph, & Natasha), his grandchildren, Elise, Lauren, Jessica, Joseph Schianodicola, and Joseph and Matteo DeStefano. Joseph was predeceased by his wife, Dolores, who passed in 2017. On Tuesday, December 6 from 5 pm to 9 pm we will be having a wake in his honor at Colonial Funeral Home located at 2819 Hylan Boulevard Staten Island New York. On Wednesday December 7 at 10 am a funeral mass will be held at Saint Patrick's Church located at 58 Saint Patricks Pl., Staten Island, NY. Following the mass, he will be interred at Resurrection Cemetery located at 361 Sharrott Avenue, Staten Island, NY.