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Dennis Wayne Boyd

Dennis Boyd Obituary

BOYD, Dennis Wayne, 60, of Perris, Calif., died June 23, 2008, at home, Born October 15, 1947, in Tampa, he had lived in Perris for two years and prior to that in Moreno Valley, Calif., for 27 yers. He was a real estate agent and security techician. He was a U.S. Army captain and ranger in the 82nd Airborne, and received the Purple Heart and the Army Commendation Medal. He received the Father of the Year award 1968-2008. He is survived by his wife, Patricia Boyd of Perris; daughters, Lynn Marie Hoffman of Iowa, Karen Leslie Desrochers of Perris, Sandra Denise Caldwell of Nuevo, Calif., and Kirstie Lee Boyd Perris; mother, Bertie Lee Boyd of Florida; brothers, Kent Boyd of Florida and Steve Boyd; sisters, Debra Binnicker, Candy Boyd and Pamela Ramsey, all of Florida; and two grandchildren, Brandon Wayne Caldwell and Wayne Lee Caldwell. Dennis gladly served his country as an officer in the U.S. Army for many years. He lived for his family and left a lasting impression with everyone he met. His mother' s pride and joy, he will be greatly missed by all. A funeral Mass will take place at noon July 1, 2008, at St. Catherine' s Church, 7050 Brockton Ave., Riverside, Calif. Burial will take place at 1:30 p.m. July 1, 2008, at Riverside National Cemetery. Preston & Simons Mortuary Funeral Directors, (951) 683-7410

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Published by TBO.com on Jun. 28, 2008.

Memories and Condolences
for Dennis Boyd

Sponsored by Your Loving Daughters.

37 Entries

Sandy

June 24, 2021

It's been a long 13 years since you left us. I remember the day, the day we NEVER wanted to come. I've missed you so much. I think of you every single day! I know you are watching over us, which I do find some comfort in. And, knowing you're in heaven with Grandma B is something I like to think about. You aren't here with all the craziness of the world. When I find myself being upset and angry that your life was cut too short and how you weren't here with us long enough, I think of others who lost their dads when they were WAY younger than we were, it takes away some of that anger. We were so fortunate to have you as long as we did, I do know that now. We have fond memories from sayings, music we hear, and stories that we bring up to each other. Not being able to call you and talk with you is still just as tough though. Something I'd like to hear your opinion or ask you about something in particular, or help with something. I still have the pvc water line running along side the arena that you put up so that it would be easier to water the horses in the back. It needs to be redone, but, I really don't want to change it. One of the things that really gets to me is how you aren't able to spend time with your Great Grandkids, Mason, Aubrie, and (The Bonus grandson) Rowan. I know you'd be so thrilled to see them and hang out with them. They would have you laughing all the time. Especially the stage Aubrie is in right now. She is so fun and funny to watch! She so smart already too! And, how she looks at Brandon, she loves to interact with him. She listens to him well too! She is totally a Daddy's Girl! You'd be excited to plan some outing to take Mason fishing, like you'd do with us. Maybe you'd even catch some fish! LOL! Well, I could go on and on. I just thought I'd write something to let you know that it has just been way too long without you here. I love you very much Dad.

Pamela Ramsey

June 22, 2019

Its been almost 11 years. Seems like it was yesterday that you left us. As I get older, it amazes me how fast time is going. I think of you everyday. I know you and mom are getting on fabulously. I love you and I miss you. Until we meet again.

Sandy Caldwell

June 16, 2012

It's another Father's Day without you and I still miss you SO MUCH! You missed a big event last week...Brandon GRADUATED!! Lynn, David and Devon were out and I kept thinking how something didn't seem quite complete...I know what it was...I just tried not to think about it that way. And to just accept that things are the way they are, but it doesn't make it easier...just leaves a void. A friend at work said she had something but wasn't sure if she should give it to me or not. She said it made her think of her Mother. I said, "Uh oh, I'll take it, but sounds like something I should read at home then if you aren't sure". So, she made a copy, and gave me the folded up piece of paper. I kept it in my pocket. When I got home...I was somewhat curious AND hesitant to read it. I opened it and it said: "What astonished me about my father's death was that I never stopped loving him. Here it was almost twenty-six years later and each year I loved Dad more. Each year I realized on a deeper level how much he gave me. Love doesn't die. It keeps growing. Perhaps someone you love has to die before you can believe that". I read it a few times because it really hit me, and I was VERY GLAD I didn't read it at work. It seems to really hit home for me. Although it's coming up on a long 4 years since I've seen you, I can totally see how in another 22 years I will love you even more! Happy Father's Day to the BEST DAD!
Love you more today,
Sandy

You celebrating Brandon's 11th birthday

Sandy Caldwell

October 16, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!! It's your 3rd birthday away from us. It's not much easier. I still want to pick up the phone and call you and figure out where we are going to go for you and Steve's dinner. Maybe Grandma B has made you some liver and onions, with black eyed beans, grits and some iced tea for your birthday :-) I'm sure you know we are all thinking of you EVERY SINGLE DAY!!
I LOVE YOU
Sandy

Kirstie Boyd

October 6, 2010

Hi Dad,
I miss you so much. It still feels to me like this all just happened somedays. Yesterday i went to the dentist and i was sitting there in the chair thinking about how the next day was my birthday i started to get teary eyed. Thank goodness they had sunglasses on me so no one knew i was crying. I was crying mostly because i was going to have another birthday and you would not be here for it. But the other reason i was crying was because i was thinking about how you always asked me if i had brushed my teeth before i went to bed.It goes without saying that i want you to be here. I know that it is days like today you were refering to when you said that you were going to miss so much and apologized. None of this was your fault and it still hurts me to think that you thought it was. But i know that you will be there with us while we are in vegas, i would rather you be there in real life but there isnt much i can do about that. Dont think for one second that we dont all wish you were still here. I love you. Its not just special days i miss you its everyday, but i just thought i would take some time today and write to you.
Love You SO Much
Kirstie

Lynn

September 22, 2009

Dad, It's been quite a while & so many things have been happening. One big one. So while I have a couple of moments I thought I'd let you know. You have a new grandson. His name is Devon & he's quite a handful already. How I wish you were here to see him... hold him... Love him. I sure would love to be able to talk to you about him & would love to give you a big hug when we visit. I know I could really use one. But I'm counting on you to watch over him. About time for feeding again, just wanted to let you know. I'm sure you already did. I Love You.
Lynn

Sandy Caldwell

July 29, 2009

Well Dad, I can't speak for everyone else, but, as much as it is emotionally exhausting for me to type to you, it is just as theraputic. So, we've decided to keep it another year. We will always have SO much we want to say to you, and this has been a great way for us to do it.
Keep watching over us, We love you,
Sandy

July 28, 2009

Dennis,

A year has gone by since you left us. It doesn't seem like it. It seems more like only a couple of months. It has not been easy. But, I guess it wouldn't be easy, because of someone like you who was needed so much for his wisdom, his advice, and his guidance. You knew what to do. Like today at lunch, Brandon saying that you were the reason that he holds doors open for people or to help them carry things. You were the one who told him to do that, he said. As in everything that you have told the girls. Lynn, Karen, Sandy, and Kirstie will always remember. The girls are as wonderful as they are, because of all that you have taught them. Remember, when we always told each other how great it was to have our four, beautiful daughters. There were times in our lives when some of our friends were having problems with their kids, and telling us. Later, after we returned home, we would smile and say, WOW! our girls are awesome. I thank you for that. You were a terrific dad, with your calmness, patience, and understanding. You were the best that could ever be. That is why you have been "Father Of The Year",for 38 years. How lucky did I get! Thank you. Please stay around us, we need you.

I Miss You,
I Love You,
Pat

Sandy Caldwell

July 27, 2009

June 13th 2009-Saturday: I'm at Flyball practice with Valyn today and in between working with her, errands, and heading home to pack for our trip to Tampa, all I kept thinking of was where I was
June 13th, 2008: It was a year ago this date I will NEVER forget. One year ago, it was Friday the 13th. You were in Riverside Community. It was a "Great" day for you. You were in the Critical Care. Sitting up in bed, watching TV and interacting with me and the nurses, and you were hungry! I remember they brought in your dinner. You had ordered steak, but they brought you chicken by mistake. You thought you'd just try a bite until your steak got there. Next thing I know, you had eaten all the chicken. Then, the steak arrived! You didn't think you'd really want it, but you just wanted to try it just to see what it tasted like, you took a bite. And again it all gone. This was so wonderful for me to see because the previous weeks you didn't have much of an appetite at all. I couldn't believe all that you had just ate. YOU couldn't believe all that you had just ate! You were almost 100% yourself. Just your body wasn't. I had taken in pictures for you to see of Aunt Pam's daughters' graduation pictures. You were so much yourself, I never thought that 10 days later you'd be gone. We were all still hoping and praying for a miracle. Just 10 short days was it. It wasn't long after you left when I was thinking about this and I realized I was so glad for you that it was only 10 days. Not many people are so fortunate. Dad, I miss you so much.
Sandy

July 10, 2009

Hi Dad,

I just wanted to say hello....wish I could see you right now and give you a big hug. I'm missing you horribly. It's nice to have your truck still parked out front, but I'd rather have you here!

I wish there was a way you could come back and not upset the whole balance of things. We could hide you in the house so know one would question how you did that. Then we could sneak you out on outings here and there....go for that trail ride you wanted....even if you could just come back for a day!

You wouldn't have to work...consider yourself officially retired...we would all support you. I know this is like asking for the impossible...but can you give it a try...and if not this...please, come visit me in my dreams!!

I Love and Miss You!!! xoxoxoxo
Your Georgia Peach

Karen Desrochers

June 24, 2009

Hello Dad,

Well it's been a year today since you left us. I thought it would get easier (the hurt I feel knowing your gone...missing you sooo much). The only thing that has gotten easier is I think I've finally realized you're not coming back, I will not be seeing you again. It's feels so final....so unfair...but it's the truth and there is absolutley nothing I can do about it! It's a very helpless feeling, but I've finally excepted it as reality! It's out of my control...this is something I cannot fix...I can no longer help you out....as you helped me out so many times in the past and as I was able to help you out the last couple of years. So with this I must move on, but I still miss you more and more every day....you are always in my thoughts, my prayers and you will always be in my heart. The tears still flow so freely when you enter into my mind. I hate crying but I sure love thinking about you since that is all I have left. So until I see you again I will just keep you with me, I will think of you often and I will Love You Always!

But enought of that....We just came back from Florida. You would have loved this trip. We visited with Aunt Debbie, Uncle JR, Aunt Pam, Aunt Candy, Uncle Kent, cousin JR and his wife Myra, there 2 beautiful daughters Lindsey & Hannah....Cousin Amanda and her son Christian, Cousin's Holli & Marilyn, Cousin Dee Dee and her husband Val and their kids....Cousin Robert and his 'wife' Catherine. We didn't get to see Uncle Steve or his daughter Julie or son Justin this time..but we did get to see them in October, so that was nice.

Kirstie, Wayne & Sandy, Brandon & Lil Wayne, Steve and I, went on the trip. Mom stayed behind and took care of all the critters, you know how she is with them :) (but I know she really wanted to go). She should have, I could have got a babysitter for my critters. Lynn & David did not go also....but I'll let her tell you about that.

Again we had an awesome time. We rented a house on the Hillsborough River. The boys were able to fish off the back dock, catch lizards and frogs (I loved doing that when I was little and we visited Florida). We visited Clearwater Beach and had a BBQ at Ft Desoto (I remember going to both of those places with you and Mom when we were younger). We visted the Saint Petersburg Pier, Robert BBQ'D a pig at his place...and let us use their canoes so we paddled down the Hillsborough River (Dad there was real live Alligators in the river, it was creepy but cool). Kent got a Deep Sea Fishing Trip together with everyone, that was loads of fun. There was definitley something missing with you, Mom,Lynn & David not being there and we definitley missed out on of all your "I remember when" stories. I missed that sooo much on this trip. I often found myself thinking "I wonder what Dad would be saying about this place". I miss the stories of 'your past, your childhood'. And we still forgot to try the 'boiled peanuts'. But don't worry if I have to make a trip back there just to try those I will....as that is one of those things I remember you telling me about in the last year you were with us.

Dad you are a great man....you were raised by a wonderful Mother! Grandma B I really missed you also! Tampa Florida just isn't 'Tampa Florida' without Bertie Lee Boyd! You have a wonderful family and I feel very lucky to have been born into it! Thank You For That!

I Love & Miss You and will talk with you soon!

Love, Karen

Steve Desrochers

June 24, 2009

Hi Dennis,

I thought it appropriate to write today, for a couple of reasons. First of all, I miss our daily interactions. Its been a year, today, since (as Pam put it, so well) "you went home".

I wanted to mention that Karen, Sandy, Kirstie, Wayne, Brandon, Little Wayne and I returned yesterday, from a trip to visit your family in Florida.

As a family, we shared laughs, stories and good times with Kent, Debbie, Candy and Pam. Karen even talked with Steve.

Your nieces and nephews were there with their spouses, and some of your GREAT-neices and GREAT-nephews joined us over the past week.

The family dynamic was in full swing, and even though it was only 7 days, I feel that I got to know each of them pretty well.

You have a wonderful family and I'm glad they are in my life.

We started with dinner at Pam's house. JR and Debbie, Amanda, Hollie and Amanda's son, Christian were there.

We spent an evening at the vacation home we rented, with Pam, Amanda, Christian and her boyfriend Jesse.

We spent a day at Fort DeSoto with all of the above, as well as Robert and his wife Cat and JR (junior) and his wife Myra, their daughters Lindsey and Hannah and Hollie's sister Marilyn.

I hear that the Fort is one of your favorite places. I can understand why.

We then spent a whole day at a BBQ at Robert's house, where he roasted a pig on one of the biggest BBQ's I've ever seen.

I almost forgot to mention that we also visited the newest entrepreneuer of the family, Pam, at her Weenie stand (one of 2!).

Pam seems to have a good business plan and she certainly has the personality for great customer service. She will do well, no need to worry about her!

We capped off our trip by joining all of the above, plus Kent, DeeDee, Val and their daughter Misty, on an 8 hour deep sea fishing tour. The boat was full of your relatives and we had a great time.

It would serve little purpose to "wish you were there", because you were. I know I thought of you each day, as I met, got to know and became attached to each member of your family. And I'm certain that each and every person present, did also.

Dennis, you are loved and missed by so many people and you continue to offer your guidance and advice in every way, as you did before you went home.

I just wanted you to know that. You were there, with each of us, as you are every day.

We are hoping to return to Florida again as the experience, at least for me, was everything that I know you believed a family should be.
Take Care. I love you.

Sandy Caldwell

April 3, 2009

Hi Dad, Sorry I haven't written in a while. It's not that I don't think of you all the time everyday, I do. I can't believe I haven't seen you in 8 months. I see pictures of you on my screen saver...and I just stare at you and still tell myself how it just doesn't seem real, you can't really be gone. I have to make myself stop so that I don't get in "that mood". I was doing some spring cleaning...ok, really I've been trying to find the boys S.S. cards. YES, I've done my taxes! and early too. I'm sure you're surprised. I didn't have you here to ask some of my tax questions to. But, in my papers I found a little fluorescent orange card that we use as scratch paper at work. It has a list that Karen told me over the phone. (We were doing our "Changing of the Guards" briefing) A list of things I was not to forgot when I picked you up from Dialysis. It says:
Dad
glasses
wallet
keys to house
Da Vita (bag)
blankets-2
red/grey jacket
silver IHOP (coffee mug)
I won't ever throw that away because when I look at that it takes me back to that day I first picked you up. It takes me back to a day that you were still here with us. You were doing what we all thought it was going take to get better, to stay here with us. Even when the Kidney doctor called me in back and told me what a "sick man" you were. It took everything I had not to break down in there. As, I heard him repeating the information to Karen over the phone while she was at work. I was looking around the treatment area trying to see where you were. When I found you and made eye contact with you,...you sat up taller so that I could see you and you raised your eyebrows a couple of times and then smiled...like "HERE I AM". It was so good to see your expression. But, all I could hear in my head was that Dr. saying you were a "Sick Man". I was hoping you couldn't hear what the Dr. was saying about you. I kept telling myself he was wrong and that you'd turn yourself around, you just needed some time. Then, the long ride home...it was really long, it just seemed that way. I keep making small talk because any silence in the truck was just terrible for me. Because I'd hear that Dr. again. I was so glad to be with you, being the one to drive you home. But, at the same time, I could get you home fast enough because I didn't want to have a break down in front of you, for you to know how afraid I really was. All of this is linked to that one piece of orange scrap paper. When I hold that note in my hands and read it, it's weird, but it just takes me back to that day...YOU WERE HERE! I could write forever about you. (I need to go blow my nose since I can't breath through it now.)
Good night for now. I love you and miss you so much.
Sandy
Tell Grandma B "Hello", and that "I miss our phone calls".

Pam Ramsey

March 20, 2009

Dennis,

It's fast approaching one year since you went home. It still feels like it just happened. I miss you very much. I just wanted to say hello. Tell mom hello for us all.

Talk to you soon.

Love, Pam

Kirstie Boyd

January 7, 2009

Hey Dad!
I’m sorry I haven’t written anything lately. I miss you horribly. I know you know that. And im sorry that I am not handling this better. I know that you didn’t want to go cause you were worried about us. I told you I would be okay. But im not. I cant stand this and I don’t understand it. I know death is a simple thing to understand. But every day I sit and try to figure out what happened how one moment you were here and now you are gone. I try not to cry because I know you never liked it when I cried, but I cant help it. Its strange how everything reminds me of you., how memories of you and me play like movies in my head, how after being around you 18 years I memorized how you talked, walked, stood, sat, moved, ….everything and didn’t even realize I was doing it. I hate things changing from how they were when you were here. I thought twice about buying new boots because my old ones were the last ones you saw…………its strange but I prefer little things like that to stay the same. My windshield cracked all the way. I remember when you told me I was going to get a knick on it and sure enough when we were going out to dinner a week later you pointed out a little crack starting. You told me I should get it fixed before it got bigger, well it finally cracked all the way but I don’t want to get a new one cause that one reminds me of you. Its ridiculous I know but I am so terrified that I am going to forget all those little things that seemed insignificant but now are the only thing I think about. I want to write down every memory I have of so I wont forget it. It so strange that It has been 6 months since you died, it feels like yesterday but at the same time it feels like forever just because I havent seen you. One thing that I regret not doing was telling you how proud I am of you. It didn’t dawn on me till a couple months ago that I never said that to you, and it was definitely something that needed to be said. I want to talk about you all the time. I want to tell people all what a great person my dad is ( was ). I was told when you passed away that this experience would make me love deeper and be more caring and compassionate. I definitely agree with the love deeper part. However I don’t think I am more compassionate just yet. I know im angry and bitter and when I hear people complain about how this that and whatever happened to them ,( even if it is something worth complaining about) I just want to get right up in there face and tell them O yeah, well my dad just died. I know that wont help anything at all. I have come close to doing it, even though I don’t think I ever would, but I don’t like being so open like that I don’t want people to feel bad for me otherwise I probably would have by now. Im the girl who’s dad just died. I figured that could be my excuse for yelling, screaming, putting people in their place when they are complaining about how they wont get to see their family on the 25th for Christmas but January 3th. I really just want to tell them that at least there dad isn’t dead, at least you get to see him. Its so terrible that I have thought about saying that to someone. Then on the other hand I know I am lucky to have the family that I do have here with me. I feel selfish. The whole there is someone else who has less than me thing, I know it is true, but I don’t care. I am upset and I still feel cheated. But im the girl who’s dad just died.
October was a mess without you. Fair wasn’t right , I didn’t want to be there without you. I think I told Sarah that when I started showing eight years ago I would have NEVER guessed that you wouldn’t be here when I finished. Landscape wasn’t the same, I missed you stopping by after work, brining us food, telling me that the brick patio was unlevel, my bamboo screen was crooked, and my plot was not 10 feet by 10 feed like it should be. I would get so frustrated with your critiques, because more often than not it meant I had to start over. I would get irritated and start over and you would have that smile on your face which made me even more upset. You weren’t smiling cause I had to do it over you were smiling cause you always got a kick out of how upset I would get over nothing. I missed you at haul in. 90% of the time you were with me at haul in time. It was hard for me to do it with out you, and it was even worse that people saw how hard it was for me. I always liked hauling into indio because we would stop at that gas station right off the freeway and you would get a coffee and I would get a ross swiss milk before we got to the fair grounds. My birthday was the during fair as always. You used to say that once I got done showing I might have a normal birthday for once. My birthday was horrible I just wanted it to be over because cause the only thing I wanted I couldn’t have, and that was you. When I got home the first night of fair I was washing my hands and I realized that I hadn’t told you how our landscapes did so I turned to go for the phone and I remembered that I couldn’t call you. It hurt so badly. I missed you on all the show days. You were always there if you could be. You weren’t ringside, you weren’t there to give me the breakdown of the class to tell me what I did well and who I needed to watch out for. I had one less phone call to make all week after every show and weigh in. I missed that phone call to you. After weigh in I would ramble off all the weights and there would be a pause from you on the other end and then you would ask “ Is that good?’. When I won a class you always knew before I could say anything on the phone because if I called quickly you knew I did well if I took a while thing I just did alright. The hardest class without you this year was swine showmanship. I took the class. I always enjoyed the smile and sometimes thumbs up I would get from you outside the ring as the judge was doing reasons. I slam dunked that class, I loved making you proud. I know that doesn’t sound good cause I knew you were always proud of me but I know you enjoyed being the dad of the girl who just won the last class. People would go up to you and shake your hand tell you congratulations you would say thank you and you were just beaming with that whole “ yeah that’s my daughter smile” , I just loved it. A couple people just heard that you had passed away during fair. They asked mom how I could even be out there showing. It made me feel like I shouldn’t be showing or that your death didn’t mean anything to me. I know that’s not how they meant it but that’s how I felt. I know that you would be upset if I didn’t show, you would want me to show.
Then Grandma B wasn’t doing well. The whole fact that you never got to go out there just kills me. I feel like it was my fault you and I didn’t go because I had school and kept off putting off telling you dates. I know its not my fault but I cant help but think that. I hated the trip out there I was so worried we wouldn’t make it in time to see her and I couldn’t help but think if dad were here now and grandma B were healthy he would be so excited. The whole time we were in Florida I knew that there were so many stories dad would be telling us if he were just here. I am glad we got to see grandma b. I do believe she knew we were there. I hope this doesn’t sound terrible but I feel better knowing dad and grandma b have each other now. Dad I am pretty sure that uncle kent and uncle steve think im strange. I kept crying when I would look at them. They reminded me SO much of you. Things they would say , their hand gestures, and just the way uncle kent looks just like you put me in tears. It was so hard I didn’t want to take my eyes off of them since it was the closest thing I had seen to you in four months. I loved meeting the family I just wish I could have done it with you there. I liked hearing the this is Dennis’ daughter, I made me feel better, it made me proud.
Halloween Thanksgiving and Christmas so far have been the pitts. I know I sound like the scrooge but I would rather just fast forward through the holidays. Halloween wasn’t all that bad but I started thinking about how you would take me trick or treating or how we would carve pumpkins on grandmas front step. Its funny that I say WE carved the pumpkins because really you did all the carving and I would just sit there and play in the goo and the seeds. Then I remember that one Halloween we were trick or treating on that street off of badger springs and it was you me and Karen and I tripped on a sprinkler and fell down and started crying and you told the story about how you fell down on a job you were on the week before to make me laugh and stop crying. Or the year when I was a mummy and everyone was wrapping me up in the kitchen and I passed out. I remember waking up outside and you and mom were there with a glass of water for me. Thanksgiving was harder. I missed seeing you in the living room with the boys and Wayne and Steve. I was driving to Sandy’s thanksgiving morning and I realized that if you were here I would have ridden with you. To get through the holidays I tried to not think about them but that was hard to do with Christmas with all the music and lights and shopping. I was a scrooge this year. I did not care. That is how I felt about Christmas. I missed going to get the tree with you at pigeon pass and how you would have to cut it yourself and when you were done cutting it the pine needles would be all over your jacket. I missed you asking me if I would wrap your presents for you. I missed watching you watch the boys open gifts. I missed just watching you open gifts. I missed you monitoring the turkey situation. It just wasn’t Christmas. I’m glad the holidays are almost over. I remember how you me and mom went to that Christmas play at Paloma High School that one year. Or how we would go look at lights in Sunnymead Ranch.
I just miss you, everything about you. I miss being the youngest. I don’t exactly know how to explain this because the fact that you passed away doesn’t mean im not the youngest anymore. I miss how you treated me like I was the baby, cause I am, I miss how I was the princess. I miss how you brought me home that princess sticker that one time. I miss how you called me DD occasionally and I had no idea why you were calling me that but then you told me it was for dimple darling. I miss coming home from work or school to sit there and watch jeopardy and wheel of fortune with you. I miss how you would get so upset during wheel of fortune because they didn’t show the puzzle long enough for us to solve it. I miss watching the history channel with you. I miss laughing at something funny on t.v. and then looking at you to see if you are laughing to. I miss you telling me to be careful, how you would be so enthusiastic when telling me to have a great day. I miss how you would stick your hand in through my bedroom door and do that goofy wave when you were leaving in the morning. I miss how you would make me dinner at night when I got home even when I said I wasn’t hungry because you knew that I was hungry and that I was just too lazy to make my own dinner. I miss your grilled cheese sandwiches. I haven’t had one in a long time, I have been craving one but I don’t want one because I want you to make it for me. That and a glass of milk. I miss you correcting my grammar. The worst part is that I correct myself now and think of you. I miss you telling me to stop picking at my face. I miss you telling me to go to bed when I fall asleep on the couch. I miss asking your advice, asking for your help, and complaining to you. I miss the talks we would have about politics. I don’t like to talk to anyone else about politics because they just aren’t you. I miss how you would take care of me when I was sick. I remember when I had strep throat a few years ago and I wasn’t drinking anything because it hurt too bad. You brought me a glass of water and told me to drink it, I said no, you got very serious and told me that if I did not drink that glass of water you were going to take me to urgent care because I hadn’t had any fluids. So I drank the water and cried the whole time because it hurt so badly. The next day you rented a couple of my favorite movies and made me spaghetti to make me feel better. Or this past spring when I got way to much sun and came home fried from the beach. You told me that it wasn’t good for me and that I was going to get sick, I told you I would be fine. Sure enough the next day I was so sick. I was hoping that you would just think that I was sleeping all day I didn’t want you to know that you were right and that I was sick. But you knew. You would come and check on me and made me soup. You never said I told you so but I knew you were thinking it. There was another time this spring when I had a horrible sore throat and you basically told me to get in the truck because you were taking me to urgent care. I miss all of that. I miss how you would just suggest that maybe I should go outside and clean my pens or clean my room and I would ask why you were yelling at me, even though I knew you weren’t yelling, you were just talking, you never yelled. You would laugh at me and calmly say “ I am not yelling at you”. I miss that one time I feel asleep on the couch and you wrote on the bottom of my feet with permanent marker “LEFT’ and “RIGHT”. It was funny but I was mad when I woke up especially because you wrote LEFT on my right foot and RIGHT on my left foot. I miss going to dinner with you. I miss going to home town buffet and you asking me why you bring me there if all I am going to eat is a 12 dollar plate of lettuce. I miss how we both liked butterscotch. I am sure there are a lot of people in this world that like butterscotch but I always thought it was really neat that we both liked it. I miss how you would say “cool” , to me it always sounded really funny coming out of your mouth. I miss how you would sneeze when you would look at the sun. I remember that one time we sneezed at the same time coming out of the I Hop in Perris, I thought that was really neat. I miss telling you to be nice to the waitresses, even though you always were. They just did not get your humor. I miss how you would get upset when a waitress would fill your ice tea with out asking because you had just got it tasting good and when they fill it up you had to add more sugar. I miss how you would correct me when I said ice tea because its iced tea. I miss how I used to crack my knuckles every morning on the way to school senior year and you would look at me and shake your head. Believe it or not I miss you ordering liver and onions. I know I know you thought I would never say that, but you thought it was so funny that I would get so disgusted. I miss that time when you got mad at me at subway , I mean I think that you may have yelled at me this time, when I threw a fit about how tuna smells and you told me “Kirstie, everyone is well aware of your opinions.”. I was shocked, you scared me, you never said anything to me in that tone of voice before. So that was the last I complained about tuna in front of you. I miss your Red Man chewing tobacco. I miss the smell, the sound, and how I would tell you if you had a little bit on your chin if you missed when putting it in your mouth. I miss telling you that you having shaving cream behind your ear. I miss that train conductor hat of yours. You loved your cowboy boots. I miss how you would sing and dance all funny to the radio. I miss your old old country music, and how you always wondered how I knew the words, I am convinced now that it is because you listened to it all the time. When I hear that Couldya Wouldya Aintya Gonna If I AskedYa WouldYa Wanna Be My Baby Tonight song on the radio I think of you, you really liked singing and dancing funny to that one. I miss how every one seemed to call you boss. The guy at circle k, the gas station, auto zone. Then I would ask you if they knew you and you would say no…….that always confused me. You liked Garth. You liked the rodeo. I miss how you would tell me to sit up when we would watch movies because you knew if I laid down I would fall asleep in no time. You would say “ O, well Kirstie is horizontal.”. I remember you would sing that C 140 song to me when I was little and the other one about little birdies dirty feet. Mom would get upset because I would go around repeating it. You called ambulances meat wagons and that was another thing that would get me in trouble if I repeated it in front of mom. I was just telling Steve and Karen last night about how you told me that all I had to do was get near a computer and it would break and you had no idea how I did it, and believe me neither did I. See there are just tons and tons of little things like this that just run through my head all the time. I hope I don’t forget them. They make me smile. I miss you and I love you so much.
Kirstie

Steve Desrochers

December 29, 2008

Hey Dennis,
I gotta tell you, no one could have put it into words better than Lynn did. Its been a rather empty Holiday season around here.
Karen, Kirstie and Sandy are all trying to be strong but its kinda obvious at times and not so obvious at others, but the deafening emptiness is always there.
We all miss you and selfishly wish that anyone else might have been able to satisfy God's need to do whatever it is that he has you doing for Him.
I guess that only your special talent would work.
I just wanted to wish you and your mom the best during this season, and another reassurance that you are with us - always.

Lynn

December 28, 2008

Hi Dad,
Merry Christmas! Sorry I haven't written in a while. I keep thinking if I don't, I won't hurt & I'm not acknowledging you're gone. But I still hurt & miss you every day. It's been so very long since we've spent a Christmas together, but this year has seemed very empty. It's hard to celebrate someone's birth when he has taken you away. But I do truly with you & Grandma B a very joyous Holidays. The only thing I am thankful for is that you are no longer in any pain & are hopefully very happy now.
Love you always!!

Pamela Ramsey

December 25, 2008

Hello Dennis,

I sure miss you. We all do. I wanted to say Merry Christmas. How awesome it must be for you to be present at the birthday of all birthdays with the guest of honor within arms reach. Tell mom and everyone hello for me. I love you.

Candace

November 28, 2008

December 2008
Happy Holidays Dennis
I will never forget when you tried to buy that lil chestnut horse for me, that ended up being my favorite color. As a very young girl I knew I could find you in the kitchen, you always had an apron wrapped around your waist and you looked 10 feet tall. A Hero in war and a Hero in life I miss you
Love Candace

Karen Desrochers

November 5, 2008

Hello Dad,

Sorry it's been a while since I've written. Pam called us on your birthday, 10/15/08, not only because it was your birthday, but because Gma B was not doing very well. We all decided we'd better fly out and see her before it was too late. We barely made it. Lynn arrived before us earlier in the day on October 16th and then the rest of us showed up in Tampa just before midnight. Pam and Lynn came and picked up Mom, Sandy, Kirstie and myself from the airport and drove us out to Zephyr Hills. We all got to spent some time alone with Grandma B, I'm just sorry she was not aware of our presence, or maybe she was. She passed away on the morning of Friday October 17th. But you already know all of this, you have Grandma B up there with you now. I'm very sad she is gone but I'm glad your not alone up there anymore, I know how much you both cared about each other, I hope you had a glorious reunion.

****Grandma B's Obituary****
BOYD, Bertie Lee, 80, passed away Friday, October 17, 2008. She worked for Purex Corp. for many years. She was preceded in death by her son, Dennis. She is survived by her children, Kent, Debbie, Candy, Steve and Pam; 15 grand-children; 15 great-grand-children; and Peanut. Donations in memory of Bertie Lee may be made to your local hospice.

It was nice to see everyone again, it was just unfortunate you and Grandma B were not there. Kirstie finally got to meet everyone, well almost everyone. Lets see, she did not meet Wendy, Kim, Robert or Aunt Candie, maybe another time. Candie did say as soon as she is able she may drive out to California for a visit. We are looking forward to that.

All of us saw, heard and felt so much of of you in Uncle Steve and Uncle Kent. From your side smile to your quiet calm voice in Uncle Steve to the way you sat and the way you laughed in Uncle Kent. Oh yeah don't forget the silvery white hair and he wears a baseball cap just like you. That made the visit very hard in some ways. But it was also nice to feel so close to you, to have all of those lil things remind us of you again and again. I think we all enjoyed that part.

Dad I miss you still so much!!!
Wish you were here-I Love you!!

I have to run, I'm at work and was just thinking of you!!

Love Always,
Your #1 Daugther,
Karen :)

P.S. Tell Grandma hello also, I'm sorry we missed her, we love her very much!

Steve Desrochers

October 27, 2008

Hey Dennis,
We all got together the other day to celebrate "our" birthday...

(For those who are unfamiliar, Dennis and I share the same birthday, and we generally celebrated, together)

...anyway, it was a nice gathering. Pat, Sandy, Brandon and Kirstie joined Karen and I, and Karen cooked some of those taco's that she does so well.

I couldn't help but think of you frequently through the evening (as I'm sure the rest of the family did, too) and once in a while, I would glance at your recliner and wonder what your celebration must be like!

I'm sure it was a little fancier than ours and I know the view is awesome.

I know that your biggest and most endearing gift this year was a visit from your mother, who you can now share each day with, talking about those that each of you are watching out for, those you love. Those who love you.

Much to my dismay, I didn't get to visit with your mother again, but the girls made it in time to say good-bye. Though for me, it will have to be enough to recall the memories we made, when Karen and I last visited.

Anyway, I just wanted to say "Happy Birthday" to you and wish you both the best.

We miss you down here!
Love Steve

Pamela Ramsey

October 15, 2008

Happy Birthday. :)

We miss you and love you.

Karen

October 15, 2008

Hello Dad,

"Where are you?" Sorry I miss saying that...everyday when I would call you, I never knew what city you were in or how far or close you were. You acted like it was annoying, but I know you liked us checking on you.

Happy 61st Birthday!!! I know your not here to celebrate it with us, but we are all thinking about you. Sandy beat me to this posting. She cheated and sent a message to you before midnight so'd she be the 1st one to wish you well. Well at least I won't be last.

Things have been really rough around here lately. I think it's just all the milestone events you've always been around for and now you're not. Kirstie's 1st day of school this quarter/semester , her last Farmer's Fair, her 19th Birthday. I know your watching over us and you're aware of what's going on, but it's not the same.

Dad, you always thought you were such a bother to me, with scheduling your Dr's appt's, getting the right blood test's ordered and faxed to the right people in a timely manner and taking you to and from your Dr.'s appt's. I loved helping you with every bit of that and if I had to do it again I'd be the 1st one in line. Now, I truley miss doing all that for you and spending all that extra time with you. I feel a void in a lot of my time, every day and I sure wish you were here to fill it. All I can do to substitute you in is to think about you...and then the tears come. I miss you verrrrry much.

I keep thinking this is hardest on Kirstie, just because of her age. But I really don't think it is anymore....I feel like a 5yo girl who just wants her 'Daddy' to come home. I just want to cuddle on the couch with you like when we were little and watch Tv. No matter how old we are, I think we just want our 'Daddy' back.

I'm sure you already know Grandma B is not doing very well. Can you please make her hang on as long as possible. As much as I want you 2 to be together, she has Debbie, Kent, Candy, Steve, Pam and everyone else over there in Florida, and all of us here who would miss her sooo much. I don't want them to go through what we are going through. This year has been so tough as it is. It would be nice if they could have this holiday season with her and into next year. So if you can pull any strings up there please do. We're all saying our prayers for you both.

I wonder, do you still need prayers in Heaven? If it's as good as we've heard I don't think you do. None the less, I will keep praying for you and us, that we will all be together again someday.

Until then could you please take turns visiting all of us in our dreams, we would really love that.

Tomorrow morning (or this morning) I am going to get up and have a cup of coffee on the back patio, like we used to, your welcome to join me...Happy Birthday!!

P.S. Dodge ran away last weekend...if you can guide him home or atleast to a good family. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks Dad!!!

I Love You,

Sandy Caldwell

October 15, 2008

Happy Birthday Dad!!! I've been thinking about you a lot. I always think about you. But, even more today when I had to type in your birthday on orders. Every time I hit 10-15. And last week at the fair, it was strange you not being there. The first day I went I remember hearing someone cough. Even though this might be strange, it sounded like you, your cough. I didn't want to turn to see. I just listened to the cough in my head. I knew it wasn't you so I figured there was no point in even looking. Then, on Monday, Kirstie call me to tell me of a "flashback" she had while clipping her pig, it was when she was clipping her first pig and you and I were there. That got to me. All week at the fair I'd think about where you were a year ago, surprising Kirstie with her truck and you spending your 60th birthday at Cedars. Wishing that your next birthday would be so much better for you. That you would be happy and healthy come your next birthday. I'm so sorry that wish didn't come true. I also wanted you to be able to get back to Tampa to see Grandma and your family again. I'm sure you are watching over Grandma now. I know her heart has been broken since you left us. But, I hope you can help her to recover so we can have a chance to go see her on your behalf. She is truly special!! I wish I could write you all night. I just wish you could reply back and let us know you are alright and happy. I know when I want to see you, I just put in the dvd that Karen made of you. As great as it is to see you again...it hurts just as bad. The boys are going good. Brandon has had the best progress report he's had in a few years. Of course he wanted to make a call to tell someone. I just started to cry because you were always the first one he'd call. It's kind of nice when the boys and I are driving around or doing something and something will happen that will remind them of you. They'll say, "That's what Grandpa does". It's like you are still here, they use present tense. I don't know why but it makes me feel a little better. I think it would hurt to hear it in past tense. I should get going, I just wanted to let you know how much I do miss you and love you!!
Sandy

September 26, 2008

Hey dad
i start school today. i miss you. This is really hard starting school without you. I am driving in with sarah and coming home with her. We will be careful. It will be strange to not call you when im leaving to let you know im on my way home but i know i you will be watching. I love you so much. This isnt easy at all, but im sure you know that. I love you dad.
Love
kirstie

Kirstie Boyd

August 12, 2008

Tonight I went and had a facial done. I normally dont fall asleep during the facial but tonight I did. While I was sleeping I had a dream about dad. All I remember is that he was calling my name. He was calling my name the way he would when he had been calling me for a while but had not gotten my response. It was in his deep voice and was drawn out KIR-STIE. In my dream I immediately turned to go him. Then that was it my dream stopped, I didnt wake up, but the dream just faded away. I woke up forgetting that he was gone. It was strange. However on the other hand it was nice, that was the first time I had heard him involuntarily. I didnt call his voicemail or sit and focus on what his voice sounded like.........it just happened and I liked that. It makes me wonder if it was really him trying to call me. Maybe that was the sign I have been looking for........who knows.
The other day I was outside feeding and thinking about dad. I could picture him sitting on the deck drinking an ice tea ( if dad had just read that i put "ice tea" he would correct me and say that it is "iced tea".....a dad - ism) Anyways I could picture him sitting there with his left leg propped up across his lap and resting on his knee. In his right hand he would have his tea setting on the soul of his shoe of his crossed leg. Of course he had a hat on.
I just thought it was so amazing that I could paint that picture in my head. I didnt realize that during all these years of being around him that I was memorizing his every move. I guess it just took him not being here in order for me to realize this.

Michelle Schoof

August 11, 2008

I have been thinking so much about you all and have not been able to put it into words until you sent the book to me. Here is
what I wrote:

August 5, 2008
What an incredibly beautiful book. I can't quite get my eyes to dry so I have stopped trying. I told Kirstie shortly after your dad passed that although this would feel like the worst part of saying goodbye, the hardest thing to go
through was still coming. In my experience it is the quiet that seems to be the most difficult of all. Then again your dad was all about quiet strength. Always
calm and in control. He could give a look that could stop Kirstie in her tracks and then a small smile that would wrap all the way round her like a bear hug. What a ribute to him and you as a family. You have found a way to push through
the quiet. I can only offer that the sharp ache will dull. The memories get brighter and if you let it, laughter has some healing power. Keep talking, keep sharing and most of all keep loving each other like you are right now. Erma Bombeck said it this way: (Just a small piece of what she wrote)...
If I Had My LIfe To Live Over...There would have been more "I love you's".. More
"I'm sorrys" ..But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back. That's how we love those that have left to soon. We live it. We live it because thats what they would have wanted for us most of all.
Much love.

Michele

Victoria Monk

August 6, 2008

I'm writing as a friend to Sandy. I didn't have a personal relationship with Dennis but I can tell he cared for a good family. I was sorry to hear of the sudden lost and can truly associate with all of you as I have also lost my father quickly. I can't say it gets easier and you will feel better as I still have very hard days. I focus more on the memories than the loss and it helps me get thru the moment. I wish all you best wishes to get thru this time and from reading this guest book it seems you have each other to lean on. My deepest sympathies.

Lynn Hoffman

August 1, 2008

Hi Dad, Wore your belt last week. The leather one w/the Airborne belt buckle. A couple people from work noticed, asked if it was new & where I got it. Told them is was my dad's w/tears in my eyes. They were surprised I could wear it. I had it the smallest it would go & it was around my hips. Good thing that's the style now and I've got the hips to pull it off.:) I thought it looked really great & I think you would have also. I had the strangest feeling come over me Monday. I was at work & told myself I need to call to see how your latest Dr. appt. went. Then it hit me; you didn't have a Dr. appt. & there wouldn't been any more. But I just kept feeling I needed to call. So I called Karen after work, told her & we talked for a while. Just wanted to let you know, I look for you & think of you always.
How do you say Goodbye?.....or do you?

Kirstie Boyd

July 31, 2008

I made the dean's list at school Dad. I got the letter in the mail the other day, when i opened it i read the first line and immediately wanted to turn to you and tell you the news. It was a bit of a shock for me to realize that you werent right next to me however i know that you were there in that moment with me as i read that letter from the school. I knew exactly how our conversation would go if you were here : "I made the dean's list!!!!" and you would say with a smile " Thats great! Keep up the good work."I was comforting to think of that. That day was hard. You were always one of the first to know about my grade on that paper or how that midterm turned out. I just keep reminding myself that you ARE here even though i cant see you.
I went to the grocery store the other day and went grocery shopping. I know you are probably thinking that i ran in grabbed a gallon of milk and that was it, but that wasnt the case, i ACTUALLY went shopping. I thought of you the whole way there how we both hated to go grocery shopping and how you would always try to get me to go with you. I would normally end up going because i know how much you didnt like to do it so i figured it wouldnt be so bad for both of us if we went together. As i pulled into the parking spot i remembered that that was one of the places we would go when i had my permit and you were teaching me how to drive. I clearly heard the "Now wait a second, did you check your mirrors?" you would always ask me that as i was backing out of my parking spot. I entered the grocery store and no matter where i was in the store there was a memory of you. I remembered how you always liked to stop and get a pie or apple turnovers. Back at the deli counter I smelled the fried chicken that we would go there and get pretty regularly. When i was getting milk i remembered how you taught me to look for the one with the longest experation date. I saw green beans and thought of you, then i saw fish sticks, tuna, and gritts. You were everywhere i turned in that store. Then i got to the produce department and thats where i had the most trouble. This is the part of the store where you would say " you should just get some fruit and pack a lunch for work." Then i came to the bananas........and i started to cry. I tried to keep it together just because i didnt want everyone else wondering why this girl was crying in the produce area. I know how much you loved bananas. I didnt know which to pick. I needed you, for something as simple as bananas, but it didnt matter, I just needed you. I went to go check out and i saw that really tall bag boy, the one that i would always point out to you and ask how tall he was. You would just nod your head and give me an estimate for his height and give me that look of " you ask me this every time we come here". I thought of how we would go through the self check out line and something would always go wrong. I saw us loading groceries into the back of your truck. I could see us unloading them into the house. I can hear you saying " Lets go give them a hand." if someone else had made a trip to the grocery store and was unloading. I was amazed that all of this could be brought up from just one simple trip to the store. I miss you so badly dad. Im going to bed now so im giving you a kiss on the cheek. I love you. goodnite.
Kirstie.

Karen Desrochers

July 25, 2008

Kirstie, (Lynn & Sandy)....

I know it's hard and every day is different. I don't want to go to work, everyday I don't want to go to work!!!...I don't want to get out of bed. Today (071608) I was awakened by a phone call from the VA Hospital. It was a female....she wanted to speak to Dennis Boyd, I asked her what it was reference. She said she wanted to schedule him for a meeting ref Agent Orange. I was so angry, I told her "It's a little late now.....he passed away", and I started to cry. I know it wasn't her fault, she was very sympthetic and actually handled my shortness very well. She encouraged me to pursue it, atleast with his hospital records. She apologized for everything and she somewhat calmed me down...but I was sooo mad. I don't know why. Well yes I do...Dad's gone....and there's nothing I/we can do about it. And that just pisses me off!

I want him back soooo bad, I know you know how bad. But again, there's nothing we can do, it's a very helpless feeling and I've been feeling that way for a long time, just due to his health. I know there's not much I/we could've have done. I just keep what if'ing myself. Kirstie remember that week after his 1st ERCP. When he accused me of getting ready to throw that lactulose at him (that was kind of funny). If I would have taken him into the Dr's that day would things be different now. Maybe we could've saved his kidneys. But what if'ing everything isn't helping and won't help anything. It just makes me feel very bad. I think he had cancer for a very long time. It just went undiagnosed. I did my best and we would've done more if we could've and we tried, we just didn't have enough time and that probably wouldn't have changed the outcome much.

I hate that he's not going to be here to see you graduate from college, he's not going to be here to see you get married and have kids. Yes, we (Lynn, Sandy & I) got him for alot of our lives (more years), but I want him to be here for more of yours (then we'd get to have him around also, it'd be a win/win for everyone). It's not fair and I'm sooo sorry, I think we all are....even Dad, that's what all his "I'm Sorry's" were about....he felt so bad, leaving us.....he didn't want to go. If it helps you at all, I think you had a much better or should I say closer relationship with him all your years of growing up. With it just being you, the only 'princess' in the home you got alot of attention from him, lots of one on one time. That's very special, and I always thought you were very lucky to get that. Yes I was a little jealous. I don't feel I was able to get close to him until I settled down, or grew up. After that, not only was he my father but he became a really good friend. I don't have many of them but the few I have/had sure mean alot to me.

I hate that he's not going to be around for his other grandchild, the lil Hoffman baby girl (sorry Lynn, but I know you'll have one, especially if Dad has anything to do with it). He wanted more grandkids...he wanted more little girls. There was a time were he tried to get me to have one, he kept dropping hints, it was kinda funny. I wish I could've had one, I just don't know if it's in the cards for me. But I do know one thing, he loved little girls....and he loved us. I think we were very lucky to have him for our Dad. We need to be thankful for all the years we had him in our lives. Think of all the little kids who never knew there Dad or who were so young when there Dad passed, as they grow older there memories fade. We were very lucky. Did Dad get shorted? Yes I think Dad's life was cut short.....but I think his life was fullll of what he loved....us.

I hate that we never planned and went on that camping trip Dad kept wanting us all to go on. I hate that he wanted to go on a trail ride with us and we felt the ride would be too much for him, so we decided to plan a special ride for him at a later time, but we never did. I wanted him to do and experience sooo much more in his life. I know we all did. All these thoughts just make me angry. These things I regret. I think we all thought he had more time. I kept thinking as soon as I can get him eating better, he'll feel better, gain a little weight...and that would be enough for a while, it would have to be. I hate how these past couple of years, he'd mention things like how'd he'd like to get another dog, his own dog. Like when he felt better and got his own place again, he'd like to get a Parrot. Lynn do you remember driving home from the dialysis center, I think it was the day we went for his haircut, we were driving down Magnolia, he was commenting on the Magnolia trees in the center divider on how beautiful they were, and how he remembered when the trees were much smaller. I think he knew his time was nearing the end, and this was even before I told him what Dr. Nissen had said.

I've been putting off shutting off Dad's cell phone for a while now...I wish we could've left it on 4ever, but that's just not practical. And when he got the $200.00 bill again I knew it was time. But it was soooo final!!!....I really hated doing that today. Steve called right after I had done it and I was crying. That's all I do lately is cry. I feel like I'm PMS'ing all the time now. I know it will get easier with time, but part of me doesn't want it to....I don't want to move on...I don't want to be happy in a life without Dad.

I don't want to ever go to a horse show without him....I miss sitting on the back porch in the morning and just talking & drinking coffee. Our lives always seem to move at such a fast busy pace, but whenever I spent time with Dad it was so relaxing, so laid back, I guess that's because that's just the way he was. He had a very comforting, relaxing energy about him.

I also haven't visited Dad at the cemetary, part of me feels guilty. Steve said he'd go with me when I'm ready. Sometimes I think I'll sneak over there and go alone. I don't know what I'll do, but I do know what your going through or feeling. I think the only reason I want to go is to make sure he always has flowers because he definitley deserves the best. So if thats all I can do is keep his ?gravesite? pretty, well then Damnit I'm gonna try. I know Mom's been handling that lately but I'd like to also..... I really do feel he is with me...and I can talk to him at any time, I don't have to be at the cemetary.

Kirstie stop looking so hard for some contact from him......there's probably too much negative energy vibing off of you and he can't get through to you. I think your just looking tooo hard. :p

Anyhow, to make him happy which is alllll we really want now...him to be happy and at peace....after I get over my emotional roller coaster ride, my anger etc......I'll do my best to live my life well, to make good choices, so he's not up there flenching, thinking "oh no...Karen don't do that"......and even though I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon, I can't wait until the day I can see him again. Give him the biggest hug. I've wanted to hug him so hard for so long the the last couple of years but I just couldn't because I didn't want him to think anything was wrong (I was already missing him and he hadn't left us yet) and lately he was just so 'delicate'. He's going to want all of us to stay close and look out for each other, to continue being involved in each other's lives and to think of him often (and be happy while doing it). I know he doesn't want us to be sad, but he's just going to have to deal with it for now. He'll want us to keep in touch with Grandma B., I think he'll be soooo happy if we can make it to Florida and see her and everyone else.

I cry everywhere I drive, my mind just wonders to Dad. When I can listen to music on the radio again then I'll now I'm doing better.

We are all in this together, so far I think we have done well and Dad is very Proud I'm sure.

Sorry I Vented So Much, I guess Kirstie is Contagious (Kirstie it's all your fault!)

Love, Karen

P.S. I love you all very much, that is definitley something our family did not say enough....I know we all know it.....I guess there is something to be said for love so strong it can go unspoken. Dad showed us that!! He was very good at it!

Kirstie Boyd

July 24, 2008

Today Karen disconnected Dad's phone. I had a hard time with that. Last night and this morning I had an urge to call it but told myself i would do it later..........but then it got disconnected. I wasnt upset with karen i think its just the thought of the phone getting disconnected and the fact that dad wont use it any more. So that was this morning. I've been thinking about dad a lot. im sure we all have been. This afternoon i got home and mom wasnt here and steve was out back working and i started to go through dad's jewlery box. i started to cry when i saw his name badge that would go on his uniform. then i held his wedding ring for a while. I just cant believe he is gone. There isnt going to be one more time that i see him or give him a hug and that kills me. I cant believe its over. i put on his jacket and imagined him hugging me. i started to look at all of his shirts and pictured him in every one of them. Then i went through this white box that had some pictures and a couple awards in there. There was this one picture of him accepting an award and he had this huge smile on his face, you know the smile that he always gave. The only way i can explain it was that it was "his smile", to others that doesnt mean anything but i know that you know exactly which one i am talking about. Then i just sat there feeling devastated and so alone. I know that i am not alone but that was just the way i felt. i kept on thinking over and over again that hes not here anymore, and that he is never coming back. i know that by now you would think that i would believe that he has died, but i havent. i keep expecting to see him later on down the road like he has just taken a trip or something. I find myself wanting to go to him to ask him questions or his opinion like i would on things but i cant......the only thing i can do is just imagine what he would say.....that helps but its not enough.Then i tell myself that he is better off now and that he isnt in pain, but the only thing i remember is how he kept on saying he was sor ry before he died. Then i think about when he told me that there is so much he wanted to tell me but now cant. I feel like i got cheated, plenting of other people still have their dads and take them for granted. i sit and wonder about all the things he wanted to tell me, i can imagine what some of the things are but i just wish we could have talked more. i know that shoulda coulda woulda doesnt solve anything now but thats how i feel. I hate the fact that he wont be there when i graduate college, or vet school. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that he wont walk me down the aisle at my wedding, or be there when i have kids ( if i have kids). Then i start to think of just the everyday things that he wont be there for and that hurts just as badly. i think of him all the time. Everyone said that this is the worst kind of hurt and that this is the worst thing i will ever have to go through..... i agreed with them........i just didnt know it would be the horrible. To have so many things to say but know that i will never be able to say them to him is so strange. I havent gone to the cemetery yet. I want to but at the same time i dont. Then i was thinking i wanted to go with somebody but then i thought i would go alone. I dont know. I started to think that he must be wondering where i am and why i havent visited. But i talk to him everyday. I hear him, the things he would say. I hope he knows im here, i think he does. Just because i havent visited the cemetery doesnt mean im not here....if that makes any sense. Its not like he lives there at the cemetery.........he is in heaven right? so he should be able to see me? I just dont want him to think that i am forgetting him or moving on and leaving him behind. Actually the whole thought of the cemetery now bothers me. i dont feel that i have to go there to be with him. i dont know. Ive been thinking about leaving a blank note pad and a pen out on his desk when i leave for work...... i was hoping that he would write a message on it while im gone and that w h en i come home it will be there for me to read. I know it wont work. if he is going to send me a message it is going to be much more subtle im sure. i wish it wasnt though. i wish he would leave me something out there, plain as day........either a note or a voicemail... it would be more clear and like things used to be. So i started crying and felt like calling someone but i didnt know who. And then i thought if i called someone what would i say? so then i called sandy and was going to start the conversation off with how i thought the iced tea maker was broken but when she answered the phone the only thing i could blurt out was that i miss dad. ... she said "what" and i repeated through my tears that i miss dad. Then she started to cry. It turns out she had been crying all the way home from temecula and was going to call somebody but didnt know who. Its kinda weird the way that worked out.

Pamela Ramsey

July 22, 2008

I have pulled up this site everyday since I came home wanting to write something for my brother, or to his family in California. I want it to be perfect. I have put alot of thought into it. The words are not coming........I saw what his son in law wrote. I read it out loud to my employees at work. It moved me to tears. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. Dennis is so loved by everyone who knows him. When I think of him, I think of words like family, goodness, thoughtful, honest, hard working, intelligent, caring, loving........... He is an awesome father. He is all that is good to me. Dennis you left us way too soon. I miss you. I love you. Til we meet again. Your little sister Pam

Steve Desrochers

July 19, 2008

I had a brief conversation with my wife Karen this afternoon, during which I voiced some of my thoughts regarding Dennis. Karen thought it might be nice to share those with you.
First of all, Karen and I began dating in September of 1997, after meeting at work.
I didn't meet Dennis right away but after Karen purchased her home, the opportunity finally presented itself.
I was very conscious, even admitedly nervous about the difference in age between Karen and I, and I was prepared for a new level of discomfort.
That never came.
Dennis was very friendly and inviting and we talked easily.
After getting to know him pretty well over the last several years, I can assure you that his demeanor that day was no act.
Dennis was always very easy to talk with and just his presence provided a calming effect.
Dennis is one who thinks very deliberately, before speaking and I noticed very early on that he always put his family in front of everything.
Even in his role as Grandfather, Dennis was always so eager to see and spend time with Brandon and Wayne. I sometimes marveled at his obvious joy.
As time passed I learned of his honorable military service and the injuries he obtained at the hands of the enemy, while overseas.
I learned that he is a decorated US Army Officer, not only assigned to a 'Ranger' unit, but also leading them in wartime.
He never gave me a 'hard time' for my service as an Enlisted US Marine, with no wartime experience and
we had several conversations over the years that showed me that Dennis values everyones contributions, for the contribution itself, with no importance placed on the apparent differences of title (Officer/Enlisted; Army/Marine; etc.)
Fast forwarding to today, I was pointing out to Karen that in my opinion, Dennis set the standard, as a father.
When she looked at me puzzled, I explained that I have always considered myself a good and loving father (I have 3 from my previous marriage) and I wondered aloud that had divorce not entered, would I be able to emulate in quality, the type of father that Dennis is.
I told Karen that after observing the interaction between Dennis and his girls (Lynn, Karen, Sandy and Kirstie), after seeing that his priorities were arranged, with family being #1, I know that I will always 'hope' to be a father like Dennis.
I feel no embarrassment or any level of shame in admitting that though I try, I know I will always fall short.
I have always appreciated the man that Dennis is, the Father that Dennis is and the insipiration that Dennis is.
His memory will keep me reaching and striving to be the caliber and the very definition of 'Father' that obviously came so easily to him.
Dennis handed me that most important goal in life and its a goal that I can pursue forever.
Thank you Dennis, I Love You.

Sandy Caldwell

July 9, 2008

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."

It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.

Ruth Ann Mahaffey (author)
©Copyright 1998-2008

Karen Desrochers

July 8, 2008

Dad,
I went to get some hay yesterday. I missed your company in the truck. I thoroughly enjoyed those times together when we talked or just drove along in silence. Your presence was so comforting. I miss you so much! I Love You!

Sandy Caldwell

July 2, 2008

"For a Quiet Man, His Absence is So Loud". Will be written on his headstone.

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