Waterford - Vaughn Lee Durham passed away at his home July 14, 2024, surrounded by his family.

Born Sept. 25, 1943, in Riverside, N.J., Vaughn graduated from Boston University in June of 1967. On Feb. 5, 1966, he married Betsy Grant Durham, and together they believed they were a "match made in heaven."

During his high school years, a shop teacher ignited Vaughn's passion for woodworking. He honed his skills through numerous competitions and carried this love for craftsmanship into his adult years, including building several boats. This dedication and lifelong skill proved invaluable during his more than 25 years as President of Cash Home Center, Inc., and its True Value stores in East Lyme, Mystic, and Willimantic.

Vaughn is survived by his beloved wife and soulmate, Betsy; and his cherished children: his beloved son and partner in business, Hugh Grant Durham of Waterford; and his treasured daughter, Emily Rose (Durham) McCarthy of New York, N.Y., who stood by his side endlessly. He adored his son-in-law, John L. McCarthy, whom he knew from day one was a perfect match for his daughter, Emily.

His one-of-a-kind granddaughter, Ella Vaughn McCarthy, brought her "Pop Pop" more joy than he ever imagined possible, expanding his love to new limits.

Vaughn is also survived by his sensational sister, Linda Werre (and brother-in-law Richard) of Arizona; his brother, Robert Durham (and sister-in-law Bonnie) of Florida; his devoted brother-in-law, Dr. Ronald Vender, and equally loved sister-in-law, Amy Vender, of Clinton.

He was predeceased by his sister-in-law, Ann Grant Malo, and her husband, Makia Malo. Vaughn is also survived by his brother-in-law, Andrew Grant (and sister-in-law Nancy) of New London; along with many cousins, nephews, nieces, and exceptionally devoted friends.

Vaughn extends his deepest gratitude to the extraordinary and loyal employees of Cash Home Center. Their dedication and expertise have been instrumental in building the strong relationships that have drawn customers into its stores for years.

At Vaughn's explicit request, a private burial will be held at the convenience of his beloved family, who will forever carry his essence in their souls, where he embodied unconditional love and devotion.

"The greater the gift, the greater the loss... Vaughn was an extraordinary gift to those who were blessed to have him in their lives." We will never be the same without him.

Donations in Vaughn's memory may be made to any charity of the donor's choice. Vaughn's preferred tribute is to "be kind to everyone".

Eternal gratitude goes to Dr. David Thompson for his exceptional warmth, sensitivity and decades of unwavering care.

Arrangements have been entrusted to Thomas L. Neilan & Sons Funeral Homes.

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by The Day on Jul. 16, 2024.

Memories and Condolences
for Vaughn Durham

Sponsored by Thomas L. Neilan & Sons Funeral Home - New London.

31 Entries

July 10, 2025

Hi daddy,
Oh my goodness, this has certainly been a tricky week remembering everyday of your last week of life that is forever engrained in my mind. The hearts of myself, John, Ella, mom, & Hugh were breaking more & more with each passing day as we knew we were losing you. Last year at this time your life was slowly & painfully taken from you & true to yourself you never complained even in the absolute worst of times. You always saw & appreciated every single sweet moment of life until the bitter end. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that we hugged & kissed you, our faces drenched in tears, other moments it feels like more years than I can count. Either way life will never be the same without you, yet I know we all take comfort knowing you are no longer suffering. & oh what an inspiration you will forever be to the 5 of us, you are & will always be simply the best daddy, father in law, pop pop, & husband. I just love you so much & miss you more than I could have ever imagined. I only wish to see you in my dreams. xoem

Emily R McCarthy

February 14, 2025

Happy Valentine´s Day daddy
Oh my I just keep missing you more & more everyday. Wondering if you put the penny next to my hand last night...
I'm mighty fortunate that John is filled to the brim with a million & 1 sprinkles of you. The superbowl was certainly not the same without you, John watched the entire season with me:) Ella even became a fan of a couple players:)
I hope you can see Hugh & mom & the 3 of us are a perfect Durham McCarthy team.
I just love you so much & want you back even for just a moment. Your being, your soul, you. I thought I knew the agony of my literal broken heart, but it doesn't compare to loosing you. I know in time I'm gonna heal emotionally just as I did physically. Oh do I hope there is some sort of afterlife & you are happy and pain free doing all your favorite things. You most certainly deserve the best.
There are no words to express how very much I love you. Xoem

Craig Swanson

December 8, 2024

I WILL MISS VAUGHN

November 29, 2024

Happy Thanksgiving daddy. My very first Thanksgiving in my life without you. Yikes this was the first Thanksgiving I did not enjoy. We all did our best, but oh my you are missed beyond words. We certainly have the best Thanksgiving memories from when I was little at grandmother & Otto's house, to our home, flying back from Dallas, 29A, to Hugh's house. It was always perfect no matter where we were cause we were all always together. Oh did you & I especially love every bite of mom's stuffing & cranberry chutney. Mom made it for me pre- Thanksgiving, definitely not something I could enjoy today without you.
Oh daddy I miss you more every day. We are all loving & taking care of eachother. But there is only 1 you & you are simply irreplaceable. I love you. I miss you. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. Xo em

September 25, 2024

Happy Birthday Daddy. Oh how I would give anything to celebrate with you today, watch you make a wish & blow out your candles. I did of course get you a cake & candles, & Ella organized a birthday party for you tonight, so we will all be together having your favorite cocktail to cheers & celebrate you. My heart is broken not being able to hear your voice on our usual morning phone calls talking about wordle, the latest football game & everything in between. I miss you desperately, your essence, your being, your hugs, holding your hand. I still cannot quite believe you are gone.
Life is just not the same without you. There are not enough words to describe how much I love & adore you. You are simply the best of the best. I know we are both skeptical but I am wishing with everything in my soul that I will see you again one day, & that you are pain free, happy, playing tennis, golf, climbing ladders, & building beautiful pieces of furniture & wooden boats. John, Ella, Mom, Hugh & I are glued together loving & missing you everyday. xo Em

Sean Marcus

August 13, 2024

Hugh and family, I want to express my deepest condolences. Vaughn was a great man and I always enjoyed spending time with him. Warmest Regards.

Donna Calabrese

July 26, 2024

Betsy, and family
So sorry to hear of the passing of Vaughan, he was such a gentleman with a pleasant disposition...
I´m sure he will be dearly missed
I am deeply sorry for your loss
Sincerely
Donna Calabrese

Jeanne Haviland Goetting

July 24, 2024

Chuck and I send our love. Vaugh was a gentle soul with. Huge smile and big heart. He will be missed. Love Jeanne and Chuck

Carl Astor

July 22, 2024

I was so saddened and shocked to hear of Vaugn´s death. A finer, more decent and generous person could not be found. I will always remember our friendly tennis games on his meticulously well groomed court. I am looking at a preserved golf ball dated September 19, 2007 that I hit for my one and only hole-in- one at Elmridge, signed "VLD". All my love and sincere condolences to his beloved family. Shalom.
Carl Astor

Steve Goldblatt

July 18, 2024

I met Vaughn before he was married to Betsy. My family rented part of the Victorian house owned by Betsy´s father Buddy in Norwich. Vaughn was courting Betsy as was my brothers friend Kirk. Vaughn had more class and character than anyone I knew. That New London summer at the beech and the way Vaughn handled himself in competition for Betsy left a life long impression on me. He was a good guy and Betsy made the right choice. My thoughts go out to Betsy and family

Vicki Smith

July 18, 2024

I had the incredible good fortune to work for and with Vaughn for over 48 years. In all that time, I don't recall a single negative comment ever being made about him. A kind, compassionate and generous leader, he was always willing to listen to the concerns of any of his employees. He was universally respected and admired and he will be greatly missed.

Vaughn was my boss, but more than that , he was a teacher, a mentor and a dear, dear friend. He had faith in me when I had little in myself. He gave me opportunities that I would never have gotten elsewhere. For this, and so much more, I am eternally grateful!

Betsy, Hugh, Emily, Ella and John - May you find comfort and peace in each other and in the love of all those who love you.

Gilbert Amaral

Planted Trees

Gil amaral

July 18, 2024

In all my years, I have found few people in this world, as kind as Vaughn. He was and is a true example of a gentleman . His thoughtful nature, his willingness to give, to teach, and to listen, are a true inspiration, and I am a better person for having spent time with him. His wonderful family will feel his impact and love daily as they go forward, and I will miss him, and do my level best to be half as kind, which still would be immeasurable. Keep shining for us ,as always Vaughn.

Vern Vesey

July 17, 2024

Betsy, Hugh and Emily
My sincere condolances.
I met Vaughn for the first time 60 years ago when I was working at then Shetucket Cash Lumber Co. He began part time with the company and I took him on his first delivery. Vaughn eventually became my boss and we worked together for over twenty years. There were good times and bad times but through it all I always considered him as my friend. He was kind and understanding in all situations and a pleasure to be with. I will miss him terribly and as I continue to shop True Value I will have trouble not expecting to see his smiling face. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

Maureen and Dick Fraser

July 17, 2024

We are so very sad to hear of Vaughn´s passing . He was the epitome of kindness and sincerity, a True Value of a friend. The love you shared as a family , Betsy, Hugh and Emily and John and Ella was so remarkably evident. He was a treasured gift .

Karen Menzies

July 17, 2024

Betsy, Hugh & Emily,

I am so very sorry to hear of Vaughn´s passing. The world was a better place with him in it.
Such a great person. My heartfelt sympathy.

Teresa Dyer Johnson

July 17, 2024

Betsy,Hugh and Emily.
After reading the many submissions there is truly nothing I can add, but to say that I enjoyed every time I ever got the opportunity to visit with Vaughn. A true gentleman and a pleasure to do business with. I am kind of a license plate nut and I will always remember, Hugem and 428-428. I would start waving at him before he realized it was me. But then he'd flash that smile. Rest in peace you kind, kind man.

David B Fairman

July 17, 2024

Thank you for your generosity!

Linda /Wes Kenyon

July 17, 2024

Dear Betsy, Emily,and Hugh,
It is with heavy heart that we write this note.... We are deeply saddened to read about Vaughn´s passing.... and yes.. you were definitely a match made in heaven and soulmates... We feel your pain.. May the wonderful memories you shared lived in your hearts forever... Sending lots of love and great big hugs to all... We are keeping you all close to our hearts during this most difficult time.....
Linda/ Wes Kenyon

Wendy Paparella

July 17, 2024

Vaughn was kindness personified. In the decades that I have known him, I never saw him without that sweet, gentle Vaughn smile on his face. My heart is broken. The world lost a beautiful soul on Sunday. My deepest condolences to the Durham family.

Aristedes Manthous

July 17, 2024

If the world had more Vaughs, it would be a great place to live. May his memory be eternal.

Bill Simons

July 17, 2024

My condolences to all of Vaughn's family. Always cordial and respectful in all our meetings and conversations, he will be missed.

Margo Neistat

July 16, 2024

Given my long friendship with the Grant/Durham family, my whole heart
breaks today~learning
of Vaughn´s passing.
What a selfless, wonderful, amazing man, with a beautiful endless smile.
His loss will be felt, go
way beyond conspicuous. To Betsy, Emily, Hugh, Amy, and the entire family.

Peter Flatow

July 16, 2024

Why didn´t I make that call a month ago when I meant to?

Vaughn was my college roommate. We lived in a rented room across the street from the Grants. I can remember as if yesterday when he first saw Betsy. He had to meet her. A true case of love at first sight. I was honored to be his best man when they were married. I wish I could find the picture of the two of us toasting in front of a nude painting at the Mohegan Inn. Vaughn was an easy person to be friends with and we were friends for 59 years.

My heart hurts for Betsy, his love for her and her care for him. There are so many wonderful memories with the two of them over all these years. The phone calls to share things, especially our children and grandchildren. Neither one of us played golf well but we sure like to get out on the course together.

Vaughn, I miss knowing I can´t pick up the phone and call. To Betsy I will call, promise.

John M.

July 16, 2024

In life there are times you come across someone that you so desperately want to be friends with. I was lucky, Vaughn welcomed me into his family, so he was both my friend and my family. We will miss you, Vaughn.

Barbara Facas

July 16, 2024

I´m so sorry for your loss. He was a gentleman, and a great all-around guy that I met when I was an account manager and was assigned the True Value account by SNET communications. Hugh and the entire family you gave my deepest sympathy.

Kelsey

July 16, 2024

Betsy, Em and Hugh,
Sending love and prayers your way. I think of you often. Love Kelsey

Linda Werre

July 16, 2024

Vaughn was my beloved brother. He filled my childhood with treasured memories and love. He was always so loving and kind especially when we were children. The wonderful boy he was became the wonderful man who lives in all of our hearts forever.
Love you forever
Linda and Richard
Sharing a special childhood picture.

DAN CARTER

July 16, 2024

I cannot express the admiration I had for this man. He was simply the best! The most kind-hearted and sincere individual I have ever known. Betsy, Emily and Hugh my thoughts and prayers are with you. I grieve with you. Stay strong. I'm here for you if there is anything I can do. With much love, Danny.

Denise Yost

July 16, 2024

As I read this, my eyes fill with tears. There are some people in this world that touch our hearts in incredible ways just by being `themselves´, and Vaughn was one of these people. He was an exceptional man. He was kind-hearted and gentle, always greeting people with a warm smile. His family, like him, is one of the most caring families I´ve ever met in my life, always welcoming me (and all of our friends) into their home and life. Vaughn is indeed a man who will never, ever be forgotten and will live in my heart forever. May he rest in peace, and may the Durhams find solace in the loving memories they will always carry with them.

Mark Christiansen

July 16, 2024

Hugh and family I am sorry to hear of Vaughn´s passing he was truly an exceptional man. May he rest in peace.

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