Jeanne T. Ames

1926 - 2011

Jeanne T. Ames
February 3, 1926 – July 8, 2011

San Francisco is just a little less bright and has just a little less sparkle. Jeanne Toner Ames was a 4th generation San Franciscan with deep roots in San Francisco history. She was a descendant of the Peter Donahue Family. The Mechanics Statue at 1st and Market Streets is dedicated to labor in his memory.

Jeanne's father, James Toner, was one of the first public defenders in San Francisco and she often accompanied him to court and he occasionally left her in the tender care of Cookie Pichetti at the Star Café.

As a young woman, she was married to William H. Cook. Later, as a single mother in the 60's, she raised her three children Kathy, Meli, and Walter Cook in the city she loved so much.

Jeanne was married to Judge Fitzgerald Ames who passed away in 1970. They had a short but wonderful marriage. They traveled the world.

In 2002, Jeanne eloped with Sam Kagel. Sam, a nationally recognized labor arbitrator and mediator, and Jeanne were companions for over 30 years before tying the knot at Sam's Grill, a San Francisco landmark. After a martini, their good friend Judge Isabella Horton Grant married them in booth # 4. Jeanne was 75 and Sam 93. They were the loves of each other's lives.

During her long career in San Francisco, Jeanne was the Director of the Bureau of Family Relations and both a counselor and the Director of Family Court Services. In the 1970's, she set about helping to change how the courts dealt with families enduring the stress of separation and divorce. As always, Jeanne took action. With a nod to Sam, Jeanne recognized that court trials over custody represented a failure of process, and that mediation could help with the transition to better, healthier, new family structures. When then Judge Donald B. King (now Justice, Ret.) took the Domestic Relations bench, they joined forces to make that a reality. They started assisting families to negotiate agreements to avoid trials and this evolved into child custody mediation with highly trained counselors versed in identifying and advancing the needs of the children over the conflict of the parents. Jeanne and Justice King worked hard with the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) and a group of dedicated colleagues to further this goal. With that, a statewide system of child custody mediation was created through legislation which has since become a nation-wide model.

In 1985, she left Family Court Services, and "retired into work" as a full time mediator and Special Master in private practice closely associated with Meli Cook. Undeterred by a life threatening illness, Jeanne and Meli continued to work from Jeanne's hospital room to the end.

In Jeanne's memory: "Put one foot in front of the other, and move forward." On July 8th 2011 Jeanne mediated her final negotiation. She decided with unwavering courage that the time had come for "those parts of her body that worked well to cooperate with those parts that did not, in a dignified and respectful manner". This was a brilliant, final mediation.

Jeanne was an author, a lecturer and educator. She was a proud graduate of Stanford University. She co-wrote the California Custody Evaluation Manual in 1991 and it remains in use by all counties statewide today. In 1982 she co-hosted with Elizabeth O'Neill the World Conference of the Rights of Children in San Francisco that hosted representatives from over 80 countries.

Jeanne was one of the original co-founders of Kids' Turn, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping children and families through the difficult process of separation and divorce.

Over the past seven months, Jeanne was cared for by teams of wonderful people including those at Davies Medical Center, St. Luke's Hospital, CPMC, The Forbes Norris Center and Kentfield Rehabilitation Hospital. Special appreciation is given to Dr. Patrick Tekeli, Dr. Erica Goode, Dr. Curtis "Kip" Roebken from the Kentfield Rehabilitation Hospital, Dr. Jennifer Lucas from California Cancer Care and Dr. Jonathon Katz of the Forbes Norris MDA/ALS Center. Love and gratitude to Dr. William Goodson, III.

Today - Jeanne would tell you: "Hug your kids and say 'I love you' to someone you love" and "Wear your jewelry – don't let it sit in a drawer." Most importantly, Jeanne would tell you to "Breathe – Do your yoga!" Isabella, Jeanne and Sophie Taggert practiced their yoga for over 25 uninterrupted years.

Jeanne is survived by her children Katherine (Robert Rainsberger and children Zac and Mieko Diener), Meli (Jim McCullough) and Walter Cook (Pat Del Gavio and daughter Olivia), her sister Aileen Wood (and family) and cousins Justice Timothy Reardon, William Reardon, Patricia Keenan and Connie Davis. She is also survived by Sam's children John (Mary Pat), Katharine and Peter Kagel and grandchildren Patrick, Molly, Susan, Andrew and Megan Kagel.

In honor of Jeanne Ames' memory, contributions may be made to The Kentfield Hospital Foundation, 1125 Sir Francis Drake Blvd., Kentfield, CA 94904, or to Kids' Turn (Kidsturn.org) 55 New Montgomery St., #500 San Francisco, CA 94105

Celebration of Jeanne's life is planned for a date later in the summer.