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Mary Lou Shafer Obituary
Mary Lou is survived by her loving husband of 55 years, Jeffrey Shafer, her daughters Lara Bruhn (Matthew) and Karen Peltier (Edward), her grandsons Simon Bruhn, Owen Bruhn, and Nathan Peltier and her granddaughter Clare Peltier.
Mary Lou had a passion for bringing culture to life as a guide. She developed children's' programs at The Hermitage in Ho-Ho-Kus, NJ. During nine years in Paris she was co-founder and co-leader of Exploring Paris, which provided tours for OECD spouses and was an active volunteer at the American School of Paris. After returning to the US in 1993, she conducted tours of the Decatur House on Lafayette Park in Washington, DC, and gave tours as a docent of the Whitney Museum of American Art in New York for more than 20 years. She was committed to sharing her knowledge and love for contemporary art with others. She also worked with students at Paul Robeson High School in Brooklyn as a volunteer. She especially helped them prepare college applications and essays, having the view that the young people there deserved the same advantages that her children had.
Outside of her career, Mary Lou had a deep appreciation for jazz and contemporary art, which she collected with her husband. She found joy in immersing herself in the creative and vibrant world of these art forms.
In lieu of flowers, contributions can be made to Bailey's Cafe, a charitable organization that Mary Lou supported. Bailey's Cafe, 324 Malcolm X Boulevard, Brooklyn, NY 11233
www.baileyscafe.org/donate
Mary Lou Shafer's life was filled with dedication to her daughters and grandchildren and love for her husband. She will be deeply missed by them, her friends, and all those whose lives she touched.
To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.
Hans-Peter Sturm
December 26, 2023
I first met Mary Lou in 1968, when during my first year of graduate school Jeff and Mary Lou invited me to their home for dinner. At the time ML was working, helping to put her husband through grad-school. Mary Lou may not have realized it, but that actually helped my studies, too, since much of what I learned in Grad-school I learned from fellow students, and for me Jeff was one of the go-to fellow students when I needed advice and clarification.
I also have vivid memories of the Thanksgiving dinner of 1970 in New Haven, when ML and Jeff invited my wife (Cecilia) and me to their home for Thanksgiving Dinner. And it was not only the introduction to Mary Lou´s accomplished cooking skills that made this dinner memorable: more importantly, at the time both ML and Cecilia were expecting their first child, and both our families had much to be grateful for - and look forward to. I think this also was the beginning of a "special relationship": Mary Lou and Cecilia had two important things in common, nurturing their complicity. They were young spouses entering the adventure of parenthood, and they were both determined to give their best to support their families. Our families kept in contact after Jeff and I finished grad-school and left New Haven, and we had the good fortune of overlapping some nine years living in Paris, when both Jeff and I worked at the OECD during the 1980.
After helping to put Jeff through Grad school, ML dedicated much of her time (including during her stay in Paris) and talent to bringing up two wonderful and successful daughters. Trying to accomplish the same in our own family, I always felt that bringing up kids is a major contribution to society - too often underappreciated compared with workplace achievements.
One of ML´s achievements I found particularly remarkable is that during her successful career as a home maker she also went back to university to get an MA in American Studies. She then used her accumulated human capital to contribute to society by volunteering in several and divers areas: helping kids from low income neighborhoods to finish high school and get into college, supporting social activities in her community (including during the stay in Paris), and working as a volunteer-guide in art museums.
Regarding ML as a volunteer museum guide, modern art was clearly one of ML passions: I remember when once - in a friendly gathering- I made some critical remarks about modern art, ML responded by a spirited defense. I did listen, -and now have several Picasso paintings enhancing our home. Indeed, ML and Picasso succeeded in widening my horizon (but admittedly, I still don´t like Basquiat paintings).
I last met ML in person during the 2020 Christmas Season, shortly before Covid hit: Unknown to each other, both our families had booked tickets for "To Kill a Mocking Bird" on Broadway. I found out ML was in a wheel chair then, but when talking with her I was struck by her cheerful and positive (optimistic) attitude in the face of a serious health challenge.
When remembering ML, it is hard to completely leave Jeff out of the picture, and for a long time I have been impressed and inspired by the mutual respect and support with which ML and Jeff treated each other; - and that persisted for 55 years of marriage!
In the light of these memories, I want to thank Mary Lou for the example she set for all of us regarding friendship, giving back to society, her positive attitude to life, and strength and courage in the face of adversity. Having known ML has enriched my life, and that I am grateful for.
Robert Wright
December 12, 2023
I met Ms. Shafer while visiting one summer - her daughter was a good friend of mine. She was so warm and welcoming, and I was always glad to see her in later years - and am really sorry not to have had another chance
Tyrone B Williams
December 10, 2023
May Jesus meet her and shower her with love. I send condolences to the family
TOMOKO UEMURA
December 6, 2023
To Mary Lou Shafer's family and those left behind.
My heartfelt condolences on the news of Mary Lou's passing.
Lively mother!
I was close friends in the "cuisine" group of ARA. Unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to meet her since Paris, but she is a very impressive personne.
She liked Matisse, right?
The image that Americans don't cook much has been overturned. Mary Lou Shafer's American cuisine is a cherished memory of mine. Tomoko@Tokyo
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Margo Calano
December 4, 2023
I am so very sad to hear of Mary Lou's passing. She was a close friend of my sister's, and I got to know her and think of her as a friend, too. I will always remember the fun time Susan and I had visiting Mary Lou and Jeff in Paris. Mary Lou was our culture guide in Paris and also in the countryside - Loire Valley. My deepest sympathy to the Shafer family. Sincerely, Margo Calano
Shelley Sun
November 30, 2023
My memories of Mary Lou date back to when she was just dating my big brother, Jeff . She used to come visit him at our parents´ house. She seemed so glamorous and sophisticated , and my bro was enamored with her. I was jealous and envious Worst of all, she was going to take him away!
I got over it about 50 years ago when I realized how they complemented each other. I will miss Mary Lou
Richard Morgan
November 30, 2023
I have known Jeff for some 60 years and Mary Lou just about as long.Her joie de vivre was unequaled.I had the honor of watching the kids grow up and celebrate all their successes with the entire family. While in DC, Jeff participated in our .66 Lunch Bunch. One high point was when Mary Lou (who was an accomplished chef) hosted thr group at the Shafer home on 16th St. It was outstanding but made even better by Mary Lou;s abilities as major domo.
We were all blessed to know and spend time with her....Tiny Morgan,66
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